Notes: Just when they thought the 'Elf on the Shelf' rivalry was over, along comes ...
...
Peep on a Perch
"Okay, so we have eight dozen plastic eggs …"
"Check!"
"… we have edible grass in blue, green, and pink …"
"Double check!"
"… we have three dozen Paas dye kits and seven bags of pastel M&Ms …"
"Triple quadruple check!" Thomas declares, bouncing up the walkway behind Kurt while lugging three Target bags filled with Easter treats to accompany his father's seven, not to mention the two hanging from opposite sides of Hepburn's vest.
"And last but not least," Kurt says, fishing his house keys out of the right front pocket of his jeans, "we have a giant … yellow …"
Before Kurt can even get his key in the lock, the door swings open, and there stands his husband. Sebastian's body fills the doorway, blocking Kurt and Thomas's path inside. Kurt stares at him, startled to see him home in the middle of the afternoon when he told Kurt he had meetings all day.
"A what?" Sebastian asks, crossing his arms over his chest like a middle-aged father on curfew duty, piercing gaze hopping from one bulging Target bag to another like he suspects Kurt is smuggling something untoward in one of them.
"Uh, what are you doing home?" Kurt asks, crossing his arms in a similar fashion, bags smacking his thighs. "I thought you had a meeting."
"I did. Over Skype," Sebastian answers succinctly. "A giant, yellow what, Kurt?"
The tone in Sebastian's voice – more playful than accusing – still takes Kurt back. "A giant … yellow … chick piñata."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, really."
"And that's all?"
"That's all."
Sebastian tilts his head forward, his lips pinched in a skeptical, one-sided frown. "So, are you telling me you haven't seen it?"
Kurt's brow furrows. "Seen what?"
"The Peep on a Perch?"
"The who on a what now?" The lines in Kurt's brow deepen and Sebastian knows he's telling the truth since, in his quest to delay the appearance of the wrinkles he claims have sprouted all over his face, Kurt would never emote this much to perpetuate a lie.
"I see," Sebastian says with an approving nod. He gives his husband another once over, focusing on the bags hanging from his arms. "And where is said piñata?"
Kurt rolls his eyes. Why his husband feels the need to interrogate him, he has no clue, but with 50 pounds of chocolate melting in the afternoon sun, he's in no mood to continue this on the front porch. "In the back of my Navigator, Grand Inquisitor." Kurt puts a hand on his husband's arm and pushes him aside. "So why don't you go be useful and move it to the back of your car, seeing as you're taking Thomas to school tomorrow."
"A-ha." Sebastian watches his husband blow by him, followed by their little boy and his dog. He breaks character for a moment to tousle Thomas's hair, but snaps right back to it when he says, "I'll just do that."
With an 'over-this' shake of his head, Kurt leads Thomas to the kitchen, resuming their conversation about the Easter goodies they bought for his school's annual spring festival. Sebastian watches till they disappear through the door, then walks outside, closing the front door behind him. He walks straight to Kurt's unlocked SUV and searches it – the front seats, the middle row, and the rear, climbing on his hands and knees to sweep underneath the seats. He finds the yellow chick piñata, resting on the carpeted surface of the empty trunk, but that's all. He smiles.
"Well, well, well." Sebastian lifts the piñata out of Kurt's vehicle and carries it to his own. After his husband and son had left for their shopping excursion, Sebastian searched the house from top to bottom, uncovered every one of Kurt's hiding places from the attic to the garage and found nothing. Unless Kurt rented out a storage unit somewhere, he appears to be telling the truth.
The only place Sebastian hasn't searched is Kurt's office at Vogue, but he'll find a way somehow.
After all, Isabelle still owes him a favor after their last Easter fiasco.
Sebastian unlocks the rear passenger door of his vehicle and sets the piñata down carefully inside. Once that's done, he rounds to the trunk and pops it. He shuffles a few items around. Underneath a coat, a briefcase, and a snowboard, wedged next to his gym duffel and Thomas's Captain America lunchbox, is Sebastian's own Target bag, wrapped tight around the box-shaped purchase inside. He peeks up over his trunk to see if Kurt is looking. When he sees he isn't, he opens the bag and pulls out his latest acquisition.
A bright yellow Peep on a Perch.
Sebastian snickers. Okay, so he's an ass, but he couldn't help himself when he saw it. Yes, he'd conceded after Kurt's attack on Valentine's Day. Of course he did! A vengeful Kurt dressed as a six-foot-tall maniacal elf growling through blood red lips was scary af! (The sex afterwards was super hot, though!) But after giving it some thought, and laughing about it in private, the elf war they'd waged over the holidays was the most adolescent variety fun they'd indulged in in a long time. It felt like the beginning again – back when they stopped being enemies and started becoming frenemies. It was years' long foreplay that Sebastian remembers being the best of his life, and he's hoping to bring a glimpse of that back.
Besides, he refuses to accept defeat. Not until he's dead.
Fitting since, after he starts this rivalry up again, Kurt may just kill him.
Sebastian looks at the stuffed yellow chick and grins thinking about its brothers and sisters, piled in shipping boxes, making their way to his house. He holds the box close to his chest, petting its hard exterior, and vibrating with glee.
"My precious …"