T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the town
Not a creature was stirring, even the Toninator had laid his head down.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with a care,
Jack had promised the hooks would not leave marks there.
(Yes the dog had one as well)
.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While their parentals had some much needed time playing instead.
And Ianto had high heels, and Jack had him in his lap
They had just settled in for some tickle and slap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a noise,
that it ruined the mood for the two naughty boys.
Away to the window they flew with a fright,
Pulling on robes, Ianto hiding the bright pink matching set from sight.
(Let' just agree Jacks' gift opening skills were being honed.)
.
The cup of the fake breasts as white the new-fallen snow
Gave Jack such delights as shown in his nethers below.
When, what before the window did appear,
But an enraged Idris with wild crazy hair.
With a little tick by his eye jerking so quick,
Ianto knew he had been the wrong one to pick.
More rapid than Babs when excited and flapping,
Ianto hissed to Jack, "Go help him get cracking"
(Like we didn't know it would end up with an interruption)
.
"Now, Idris! now, Skidmark! now, John and Owen!
Get up off your knees where the hell are you going?
Now go next door to Connor's and then Jarred's!
Dash away! Don't forget the Howards!"
(You know…the new family?)
.
As John muttered that there were too many kids in this god damned town
Idris pushed him over and asked if he wanted to stick around,
Ianto hissed that he would thump them both in the nuts
If they bloody woke the children up.
(Scary even in heels this one)
.
And then, in a twinkling, John spied the stockings and heels
the supple moulding of the robe looked so damned real.
As he pointed and remarked on the shape so round,
Jack swung without a care and put his old partner down.
(Again)
.
Ianto had a robe with a collar of fur, from the faux collection Babs shared,
And John watched it flap open as he gaped and leered.
A groan and he cupped his growing dick,
And he looked like a dirty old fool, fondling his own prick.
(Yeah… still lusting there)
.
His eyes-how they twinkled crowing so merry!
Wondering if Jack had been the one who took his cherry!
His squeal was surprisingly high as Jack's next fist went low,
And the idiot writhed with pain in the snow.
(Snow angels don't work when curled on your side ya know)
.
The noise was muted as John ground his teeth,
And Idris dumped something on his head….ah the door wreath.
He had a look of thunder, maybe of death,
John wondered if tonight he might take his last breath!
He was contrite, apologising as he clutched at a fine heel
And tried not to look up or cop a feel!
A sigh of relief as Idris decided to give him a pass,
But threatened to pop a cap in his arse.
(Ianto rolled his eyes there too)
.
John spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
And scattered the raisins while feeling like a jerk.
And a half eaten carrot was laid by the door,
And Ianto went to go in, but the robe caught in the door!
Jack sprang to his aid, swinging his robe around his mate,
And away they flew as the men shut the garden gate.
Jack sighed and lovingly promised as he led Ianto to bed
"Next year I will bloody find someone else to do it instead!"
.
Now fuck off ya twats!
Bloody hell, need to talk to Millie. She can bully that man of hers to do it again for the love of rainbows and bloody puppies.