Chapter 1
Meet Bill McNeal
"Talent can't be taught,
but it can be awakened."
~ Edgar A. Poe, 1812[1]
A wise man once said, "Nobody cares how beautiful the soufflé is if the appetizer is turds in a blanket." That wise man was me. I am, the one and only, Bill McNeal and these are my memoirs. I would like to welcome you to my harrowing tale with this introductory appetizer of what promises to be a veritable smorgasbord of delightful facts about yours truly. First of all, let me congratulate you on selecting this tome as your guide to greatness. Never before has such wisdom been captured on the page and, undoubtedly, never again shall such imperative knowledge come to light. You were cunning enough to grasp at the knowledge when it was presented to you, and so you are already one step closer to greatness. Perhaps you are an adoring fan who wants to know how I came to dominate the fast-paced world of AM radio. Maybe you are one of my enemies, sick with jealousy over my many achievements, and have picked up this book in hopes of finding a weakness with which to dethrone me. Perhaps you are simply a radio listener who tuned in to hear the dulcet tones of Bill McNeal and asked yourself, "What makes that guy tick?" Whatever your reason for selecting my writings, I say to you, kudos, sir! And kudos again.
Within these pages you will learn of my humble beginnings as a simple suburban kid, living a picturesque American life with a colorful family and a pocket full of dreams. I will share with you the wild and winding path that led me to the cutthroat world of AM radio. I will tell the tale of how I came to be the man you all know and love today. I will paint a picture for you of how it was that I achieved my rise to fame and glory. My only hope is that you take these lessons to heart and share them with the world so that one day, every man, woman, and child, shall be touched by the wisdom of Bill McNeal.
So, grab a stiff drink, take my hand, and together let us begin the journey down the long and winding road to discover the humble beginnings and triumphant achievements of the man behind the microphone.
[1] Editor's note: Any quotations and citations within this text are not necessarily accurate.