Valkyrie stared at the spot where Militsa and Kiara had just stood. She just wanted to sink through the earth and never see the light of day again. She wanted to disappear completely from the world and never return. What had she done?! Had she just... made out with Skulduggery in front of a bunch of strangers? Both magicians and normal people? How did she think, seriously?!
The answer was simple: she had not thought. She had acted on instinct and, as so many times before, it had put her in a difficult situation.
She was interrupted in her thoughts by a hand that rested on her back and pushed her forward. She walked like in a trance back to the Bentley and it was not until the passenger door opened and she sat back in the passenger seat that Valkyrie could start breathing normally again. She followed Skulduggery with her gaze as he walked around the car, opened the driver's door and sat in the driver's seat. He said nothing but just started the engine and backed out of the parking garage and out of Roarhaven.
Valkyrie wanted to say something, but she did not know what to say. She wanted to apologize, but no words came out of her mouth. She hardly dared look in Skulduggery's direction, afraid of what she would see reflected in his face. What was he thinking about right now? Was he angry, disappointed, surprised? When she finally dared to look at him, his skeletal face revealed nothing.
He has always been good at hiding his thoughts and feelings. Especially when he does not want to show them. Even for me... I guess that is just another advantage of being a living skeleton, Valkyrie thought.
Skulduggery continued to drive in silence and did not look away from the road for a single second. He had, as Valkyrie first thought, a firm grip on the steering wheel, but when she looked closer she noticed that he had clenched his fists tightly around the steering wheel, as if he were fighting an inner battle with himself. She could only guess what it could be, but her gut feeling told her it had something to do with her, and her behavior, just a moment ago.
"Sorry..." she whispered and sank as far into the seat as possible. If only she could, she would have disappeared into it and never come out again. "I did not mean to upset or embarass you in front of all those people..."
Skulduggery did not respond but just kept his eyes on the road. His grip on the steering wheel eased a little bit and he seemed more relaxed than just a moment ago. Valkyrie took this as a good sign. Maybe he was not mad at her after all. Maybe he wouldn't address what had happened, maybe he would...
Skulduggery turned on the turn signal and drove off the main road into a gravel road that led into a forest so dense that the sun's rays could barely penetrate through. When they had driven so far in that they could not be seen from the main road, Skulduggery turned off the engine and turned to her. In his face, Valkyrie could not make out anything, so she had no idea why Skulduggery had drove off the road and parked here.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on, Valkyrie?"
Valkyrie did not answer at first. She did not know what to answer as she was not sure what had happened. Militsa's words still went around in her head like an echo and she had a hard time feeling or thinking about anything else. What had Militsa meant? Did she know something that Valkyrie herself had not yet grasped?
"Why did you stop here, Skulduggery?" Valkyrie replied in an attempt to buy time to get her thoughts in order.
"Do not try to change the topic, Valkyrie. I want to know what's going on and I want to know it now", said Skulduggery with a determined voice.
Oops... he's probably mad at me anyway. He usually only uses that voice when he wants an answer and can't bear any bullshit, Valkyrie thought and felt tears of remorse, shame and confusion seep into her eyes.
"I... I don't know, Skulduggery..." she sobbed in response. "I'm just... so confused. I can not think clearly, everything just spins. I feel so empty inside, as if a piece of myself is gone and I will never get it back. I feel ashamed, jealous, lonely, all at the same time and I can not see myself happy again."
Skulduggery looked at her for a long time without saying anything. Valkyrie could see in his eyes that he understood how she was feeling right now and that he understood that she needed time to heal. He knew her well, sometimes almost too well. Valkyrie had found herself many times wondering where she started and Skulduggery ended, as they were so similar in so many ways. They had been with each other for so many years now that it sometimes felt as if they shared one body, one mind.
A humorless laugh found its way up Valkyrie's throat and she turned away from Skulduggery in an attempt to prevent tears from flowing down her cheeks. She hated crying, she hated it. Most of all, she hated crying in front of Skulduggery. She wanted him to see her in her essence, to see her when she was at her strongest. She did not want him to see her weak. She was better than this, she was stronger than this!
"Forget that I said something, Skulduggery. You do not need to worry. I will come out of this as I come out of everything else. Just give me a few days to gather myself together and I'll be back on track before you know it."
"You do not have to pretend in front of me, Valkyrie. Daring to talk about things that weight you down, crying and acknowledging that you can feel pain is not a sign of weakness, on the contrary. Only the bravest dare to show that they are only human. And you, my dear Valkyrie, are one of the bravest people I know, if not the bravest. If only half of all magicians were like you, the world would be a slightly better place to live in."
"You only say what you know I want to hear to make me feel better", Valkyrie replied but could not help but smile.
"Maybe I do, but is it really that hard to believe that what I say can also be the simple and honest truth?"
"Considering how often you have lied to get what you want, most people would probably say yes, it's hard to believe." Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery. "But I would go against the masses and say that I believe you."
Skulduggery put his gloved hand on Valkyrie's cheek and wiped away her tears. "I have no reason to lie to you, Valkyrie."
Valkyrie felt how her whole body became warm from Skulduggery's words and some of all the dark thoughts that went around in her head disappeared. Skulduggery always knew what to say and do to make her feel good again. It was one of his main qualities and one of the many reasons why she loved him.
"So now that we've got that out of the way, maybe you want to tell me if you got in touch with your contact? I really need to think about something else for a while."
"Yes, shortly after you left, he came. It turned out that he was not trying to deceive us, but what he had to say matched with what I myself researched. The only thing we need to do now is go to the destination he gave me, pick up what is there and hand it over to the right people and the mission is over."
"So, what are we waiting for then? Start the engine and lets go!"
Skulduggery shook his head and put his hands on Valkyrie's shoulders. "Not before we have discussed what happened in Roarhaven."
Valkyrie's smile died instantly and she collapsed. "Do we have to?"
"Yes, we must."
"Can't I avoid it this time? You have let me avoid things other times."
"It may be true, but you did not kiss me any of those times as far as I can remember, and believe me when I say that I would remember such a thing, so that free card does not work this time. And before you start arguing about why you should get away with it, I can tell you that I'm not giving in on this subject."
Valkyrie closed her mouth without saying what she had intended to say and instead looked angrily at Skulduggery. "Sometimes I do wonder if it is not a disadvantage that you know me as well as you actually do."
Skulduggery laughed. "Believe me, Valkyrie. Nothing with me is a disadvantage."
"You never miss an opportunity to talk about yourself and boost your huge ego, do you?"
"Why would I do that? After all, I am the most beautiful, smartest and funniest living skeleton on earth. … Or wait, I just realized I'm the only living skeleton on earth. Which makes me completely unique, which also means that no ordinary rules apply to me." Skulduggery tapped his middle finger against his chin and Valkyrie could tell that he was thinking of something. "Now that I think about it, I should be classified as an endangered species."
Valkyrie hit Skulduggery's shoulder but could not help but smile. "God how annoying you can be sometimes!"
"I know, but it always makes you think of something else and I also happen to know that it's one of the many things you love about me. Also, I made you smile, which is something you do too rarely ever since Darquesse disappeared. It has gotten better since we came back from Dimension X, but I wish you could allow yourself to laugh more often. You have a very beautiful laugh, Valkyrie."
At those words, Valkyrie stopped smiling. She knew Skulduggery was right. She could not remember the last time she had been genuinely glad and happy. Sure, she could laugh and smile at things she thought were funny, but it was mostly to convince others that she was happy. Inside, she had still been as empty ever since Darquesse was defeated and her threat to destroy the world vanished. Sometimes she wondered if she would ever be able to feel joy again.
"Yes, I don't do that often anymore. I guess I have not had that many reasons to do so. As soon as everything seems to brighten and get better, something terrible happens that makes all my guilt come back again."
Skulduggery looked at her with a look that Valkyrie could not decipher. Sometimes she wished she could read his mind so she could understand what was going on inside him. She hated not being able to decipher him, she hated being in uncertainty.
"Tell me what's bothering you, Valkyrie. Why can you not allow yourself to be happy?"
"Because I don't deserve it. Not after all that I have exposed so many innocent people and magicians to, after everything that I have exposed my family to... Not after my choices have led to losing so many close friends, like Ghastly, Anton and Saracen... And I can not stop thinking about all the soldiers I killed when we went through the portal and came back to our world. If I had just acted differently, all that carnage could have been avoided! What if I killed people who could have been saved instead?" Valkyrie could not look Skulduggery in the eyes but instead looked down at her hands which she had tied in her lap.
"And I have a thought that haunts me more than all the others. When I had to use the scepter against Vile, a part of me felt like I was killing you. You were and are Vile in our dimension as well, Skulduggery. Even though I know that the Vile I killed had made a conscious decision to fight with Mevolent and not against him, he was still you. I have killed a version of you, Skulduggery!" Tears now flowed down her cheeks and there was nothing she could do to stop them.
Skuldggery put his skeletal arms around her in an embrace while he stroked her back slowly. "Sch, Valkyrie. I'm here, aren't I? You did not kill me and I will not go anywhere. I will always be here by your side, I promise. Nothing you do will make me leave your side. We are soulmates you and I. We are meant to be in each other's lives, for better or worse.
I also want you to know that none of your choices have led to the deaths of any of our closest friends. There were completely different things that came into play in their death. There were completely different things that came into play in their deaths. You could not stop them, no matter how much you wanted to. Everyone deserves a second chance, Valkyrie. Sometimes we do things that we are not proud of and that we deeply regret afterwards, but no matter how much we want to change the past, it is not possible. Do you remember what I said to you when we were in the other dimension? All the things you have done, all the choices you have made, you did because you thought it was the best and right thing to do right then. It is only in retrospect after you have had time to think through these choices that you understand that you could have done differently. And since we can not go back and make other choices, the only right thing we can do is to look ahead and try to atone for our mistakes by making better choices in the future."
"But if the mistakes are so great that it feels like it is impossible to atone for them?"
"Then you simply have to keep trying. I've met a lot of quitters in my days and you, Valkyrie, are not one of them. You are an incredibly talented, smart, brave, fearless and beautiful woman. I do not regret that I have met you and that I have you in my life. You make me feel things I never thought I could feel. When I'm near you Valkyrie, I feel alive, for lack of a better word. You make me fight when everything else seems hopeless. You are the flame that gives me the energy to fight when everything seems hopeless and meaningless."
Valkyrie looked up into Skulduggery's eye sockets and could see in them that everything he said was true. "Skulduggery..." she said before wrapping her arms around him and giving him a hard hug. "Oh, Skulduggery... I feel the same way about you. We may not always feel the same way and we can quarrel and disagree sometimes, but in the end we always find our way back to each other. I can not imagine a life where you are not by my side. If you were to leave me, I would not have anyone. I cannot put into words the gratitude I feel for having you by my side no matter what I have done or intend to do. You have always been by my side, even the times you did not want to. I would be nothing without you."
Skulduggery hugged Valkyrie back and put his teeth against her temple which was the closest to a kiss he could muster. "I will always be here for you, Valkyrie. I will always support you, no matter what you do."
"Thank you", Valkyrie whispered, giving his cheekbone a soft kiss.
Skulduggery laughed and stroked her cheek. "It's me that should thank you, Valkyrie."
"Do you know how long I have been waiting to hear you say those words?"
"A long time?"
"Ever since the first time I saved your life."
"Well, you know what they say: 'Better late than never'."
Valkyrie laughed and settled into Skulduggery's arms. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "I have something I have to admit to you, Skulduggery. Do you remember what Militsa said before she and Kiara disappeared into the crowd?"
Skulduggery nodded and Valkyrie continued: "She was right. We fit really well together and that's something I've known for a long time. What I did not know was how good. The reason why Militsa and I ended so abruptly was because Militsa got feelings for Kiara when I neglected her for a long time. We have barely met in these recent months and the times we met were only short moments. I always had an excuse for why we could not meet and the times I took my time it was mostly because I had a bad conscience. I tried to hold up a facade that was not there and Militsa saw through it quite quickly.
She begged me to ask you for a few days off, but I always replied that we were in the middle of a mission that I could not let go. The truth was really something completely different. I guess I started looking at Militsa more as a friend than a partner ever since a few weeks after we got back home from Dimension X and instead of doing the only right thing and ending it before any of us got hurt, I dragged it out until it was no longer possible."
Valkyrie opened her eyes and looked up at Skulduggery. "The truth is, I love you, Skulduggery Pleasant. Really love you", she said before pressing her lips against his teeth and putting her arms around his cervical vertebra.