The sun rose, turning the sky a brilliant pink and orange, and Claire groaned. After spending so long sleeping in a regular bed, the cold hard ground was no longer so welcoming as it had been and she was stiff and sore. Alberoth was still sleeping, his face twisted in pain, and she wondered if she shouldn't help him out. Cautiously, she put a hand to his head and entered his dream, making sure to hide herself from him.
She found herself back in the arl's estate, in one of the bed chambers there, and Alberoth was on the bed with a human male. The poor elf was in obvious distress, so she wove her will into the dream, shifting control to Alberoth, dissipating the feelings of helplessness and despair in exchange for confidence and vengeance. Perhaps not the healthiest of feelings, but she felt he needed the release. She watched as the elf's expression turned to anger and he twisted out of the human's grasp, snagging a dagger that had been left on the nightstand. The man stared at Alberoth, then laughed as he crawled towards the angry elf, as if Alberoth stood no chance at defending himself. But Alberoth had had enough, and he knew he could take the man on, and plunged the dagger into the man's throat. The man gasped, fell backwards, and disappeared.
"He's gone... I'm actually free, he can't touch me anymore..." Alberoth whispered, then started nervously laughing. Claire slipped out of the dream and looked down at the sleeping elf. He looked a lot calmer, almost smiling, and she hoped she had actually helped him. She gently shook his shoulder, watching as his eyes shot open and he blinked at her, trying to get his bearings.
"You all right?" She asked. "You looked like you were having a nightmare."
"I... I was, but then... I don't know, I've never had a dream like that before." He stood up and stretched, smiling. "I actually feel a lot better now." He grinned at her.
She smiled back and grabbed her pack and staff. "That's great, probably all that freedom you're breathing in." He laughed.
"Just the thought of never having to go back..." She grinned and clapped him on the shoulder.
"Well then, let's go find the Dalish."
They arrived in the Brecilian forest around lunch time and stopped to eat when their stomachs were growling too much. It was a pleasant day, warm and calm, and the forest was green and full of life, making Claire glad she was there. Ferelden wasn't so bad when you took the oppressive people out of the picture. She didn't think the Dalish would be willing to allow her into their camp, so she was wondering if she should continue on in animal form.
"Alberoth..." She said between bites. "Do you want me to continue on with you, or do you think you'll be all right on your own? The Dalish aren't fond of shemlen and I don't want to incur their wrath. Or if you'd like, I can walk with you as a wolf."
He fidgeted a bit, then shrugged, looking anxious. "I would prefer you come with me as is, but if not, then I suppose a wolf will do."
"Does it really bother you?" She asked. "I guess they'll warn me first... and if it comes to it, I can escape. You'll be fine at least." He nodded and packed up his things. They walked for maybe an hour down a small path before a voice called out to them from the underbrush.
"Halt, the Dalish camp nearby!" A Dalish scout stepped out from the bushes, followed by another. "Come no further!"
"What is this?" The other asked, anger coloring her tone. "A shem with an elf! Perhaps we should free him, lethallin! The world does not need yet another shem causing trouble here."
"No please, she's helping me!" Alberoth said, stepping forward. "She helped me escape the city so I could find you! Please, please will you let me stay?" The scouts shared a suspicious look, then one disappeared.
"Shemlen are not allowed in camp." The scout said. "Mahariel will let the Keeper know of your presence." Mahariel? So this was the Sabrae clan, and he was... he very well could be Tamlen. Poor sod...
"Of course, I wouldn't dare trespass where the Dalish don't want me." Claire said, bowing a little. "Your people have been through enough, and I respect you." The scout raised an eyebrow, looking confused and suspicious.
"I... can't tell if you're serious or mocking me." He said. Alberoth stifled a giggle.
"Trust me, you would know if I were to mock you." Claire said. "I honestly truly respect you and your clan."
"Huh." The scout remained silent, just staring at Claire, until Mahariel came back.
"The Keeper says he can stay." She looked at her companion oddly. "Are you all right?" She asked.
"It's... nothing." He said. He turned to Alberoth and nodded. "Come on then, we'll take you to camp."
Alberoth smiled and turned to Claire. "Thank you so much for doing this for me. If I could ever repay you..."
"Just go and be happy, that's payment enough." She said, grinning. "Stay safe. It won't be the easiest life, but I think it'll suit you much better than the city life did!"
"Anything is better than that..." He grumbled. He turned and hurried off after the scouts. Claire transformed herself into a raven and took off into the sky. Ostagar wasn't too far away, she was sure she could make it before night fell, but when she got above the treeline, feeling the wind beneath her wings, she almost didn't want to go. Up there in the sky, she was free, she could go wherever she wanted, or just coast around and see where the wind would take her. She twirled around as she gained more altitude, feeling so free. She didn't need to feel validation from men like Anders or Cedrik... what did she want from them?
As she thought about it, she figured she mostly felt bad for Cedrik. She did like him, but she really didn't feel the strong romantic connection like how she felt about Anders. It was wrong to lead him on like that, and wasn't she really just angry about how Anders had treated her? Revenge romance was never a good idea. But Cedrik was going to die soon, did it even matter? Let the poor man have some happiness in his life before his death, right?
Why did she have to love Anders so much? Why was he so aggravating? Could he possibly love her, but be afraid to tell her, or was it something else entirely? She was one to talk, why hadn't she ever told him how she felt about him? She couldn't blame him when she was just as bad, if he even felt that way about her. Angry and conflicted, she folded her wings close to her body and dropped, opening her wings before reaching the treeline, gliding above the tops of the massive trees of the Brecilian forest.
She had no one she could talk to about these sorts of things. The only people she could talk to were the problems. What if she sought out Wynne? No, the mage had questionable ideas of romance, especially concerning Wardens. No, she should just figure it out on her own. She would be there for Cedrik when it was his turn to die, and she would try to ignore Anders until after. His words came back to her, and she remembered he was not very happy about having to "clean up that mess" so she decided she would have to deal with that on her own as well. She was used to being on her own, anyway.
Lost in her thoughts, she almost missed seeing Ostagar nestled in the Wilds, with the tents of the Wardens being set up in its midst. She swooped down and landed on one of the ledges overlooking the Warden camp and watched for a while. She spotted Stefen fumbling with his pack and Jasper nearby shaking his head in amusement while Cedrik carefully unpacked his own things. Duncan was sitting on a chest reading a letter, looking grim, while Alistair seemed to be sneaking some food. They looked so happy, even though they knew what the future held for them. They knew the darkspawn were coming, they knew more than the king and his men would know. Cailan would go down not really knowing it was a true Blight, though perhaps in his last thoughts he would realize it. It was hard, looking at everyone, and thinking about having to see them all die.
A couple other ravens landed beside her and she looked at them with curiosity. They were very intelligent birds and it was almost like they knew something was going to happen. Some of the men pointed up at them and she wondered if it was a bad omen. They were carrion birds, after all. Perhaps they were gathering for the feast... She caught Cedrik staring at her and the others as well, but couldn't read his expression. She could just fly away and he'd never be the wiser... She didn't have to stay. She could just vanish... But then she would feel the guilt of abandoning them, not being there to help like she said she would. It wasn't fair. She shouldn't have sought a job with them in the first place, she should've just laid low, waited for Anders to escape again, and run off with him.
She twitched her wings in agitation, then took off to find some place to transform, away from prying eyes. She found a small little alcove near the Tower of Ishal and became human again. She had to take a few deep breaths, trying to ease her anxiety, before heading into the camp. Once there, she wasn't going to be able to leave again. It was her last chance to escape. After everything they'd done for her, though, she couldn't just abandon them. They were almost like a family to her. They were certainly a family to themselves.
As she walked into the camp, Markus smirked and shook his head. Cedrik quickly dropped his things and hurried over to her, afraid to touch her.
"Hello, Cedrik." She said, smiling. "Told you I would come."
"And so you did!" He said. "I... I was afraid it was all a dream..."
"It wasn't." She said. "Are you having second thoughts?"
"About... about us?" He asked, surprised. "As in, doubting that I want to spend every waking moment with you? Maker, no!" She laughed and hugged him, their armor clanking together before she stepped back.
"We'll have to talk privately, soon, but for now, is there anything I can do to help?" She looked around. They seemed to have everything under control and unpacked already, but there was probably food to be made, latrines to be dug...
"We're pretty much set." He said. "We arrived this morning and we already have scouts in the Wilds looking around for anything suspicious."
"Hey there, I knew you couldn't keep away." Markus wandered over, winking at her. "Come to watch us defeat the darkspawn before the Orlesians can get here then?"
"Of course!" She replied. "And what a sight it will be, the mighty Grey Wardens in action, the first time in hundreds of years!"
"I'm excited to be here myself!" Stefen said, appearing from behind Markus. "I know, I know, battle is gory, battle is not glorious, I'm probably going to die, blah blah... But still, I get to fight the darkspawn for once instead of being stuck, holed up in a building all day."
"Just keep your wits about you on the battlefield, boy." Jasper growled. "We don't need you losing yourself out there." He eyed Claire suspiciously and she wondered why. He was always the more serious one, but he hadn't seemed bothered by her before. She knew she made Alistair nervous for having Wilder and Tevinter training, and those were the reasons he had always kept his distance from her, but Jasper wasn't like that. She decided to ignore it.
"Of course, what do you take me for, a green recruit?" Stefen snapped. "I've seen death before, Jasper. I have even killed before."
"Easy now, you two." Markus said, stepping between them. "We don't need infighting here. Duncan knew what he was doing when he recruited all of us, we all know what we're doing and we will all be able to do our job just fine." His eyes flicked over to Claire and she wondered if he had doubts about her as well.
Cedrik cleared his throat nervously and looked at Claire. "So, Claire, would you, um, mind showing me that bear transformation again?" He grabbed her arm and walked off, and she could hear Stefen snickering. She twisted out of Cedrik's grasp and rubbed her arm, wishing she wasn't so sensitive to that kind of touch. He glanced at her, concerned, but didn't say anything until they were out of sight of the others.
"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked, gently touching her arm.
"No... it's just... I'm still trying to get over the problems I have being touched..." She said.
"From Tevinter." He sighed. "What did the magister do to you to ruin you like this?"
She frowned. "Don't. Just... please don't. It's not something I'm comfortable telling anyone."
"I wish I could meet this magister and give him a piece of my mind." Cedrik growled.
"Does it... would it change anything, would it change how you feel about me, if you couldn't have a deeply physical relationship with me?" Her mouth had gone dry and she felt nauseous.
"Claire, I love you." He said, taking her hands in his. "If this is as physical as we can get, I'll live with that so long as I can be with you."
"Maybe we can slowly work on it." She said. "It's not that I don't want to... I do, I just... it's hard."
"What about that kiss in the Fade?" He asked.
"It filled me with both fear and exhilaration." She laughed. "But here, outside the Fade, it's different. The Fade is so much more comfortable for me, I can control it, it's my domain, really. Here... here I'm vulnerable. I'm not that powerful of a mage outside the Fade." He slowly leaned in and kissed her, gently, and she could taste the smoked cheddar he'd recently eaten. It was quite different from in the Fade and she wasn't sure if she liked it. It sent tingling up her spine and made her heart race, while at the same time it frightened her.
"We'll take it slow." He said, smiling softly, his eyes half closed. "I would hate to scare you off." She nodded, breathless. "Come on, I'll show you around."
It wasn't long before the king's army came, and soon after followed the Templars and mages from the Circle tower. Claire was kept busy running errands and messages about, as well as continued lessons with Cedrik. Then the fighting began. The first of the fights with the darkspawn was easy, their numbers few, but the second one was harder, with even more darkspawn coming. Duncan had run off to find more recruits, bringing back Daveth and Ser Jory, and before the third battle, he had left again, though Claire wasn't sure where. Which recruit was he going to bring back?
It was a depressing thought that plagued her, to think about the potential recruits and their fates. The Dalish elf Mahariel, the mage Amell, the human noble Cousland... she'd met them. Granted, there were probably a few different Amells in the tower... And for all she knew, she could have even run across the city elf Tabris in Denerim. Only one of them would survive to meet the archdemon, and even then it was unknown whether they would survive that battle.
She stood, fully armored, on the battlefield. The Wardens knew it was going to be worse than the previous fights and prepared themselves. They had two casualties in the Warden ranks so far, Iestyn and another fighter Claire had never gotten to know, and they prayed they wouldn't lose anyone else. As she looked over at Cedrik, she wished she had taken the time to talk to Anders. The more she did with Cedrik, the more she realized how much she didn't love him, and she was finding it harder to continue a relationship with him, but did so only because he was about to die and needed to be at his best for the final battle... It wouldn't do for him to die brokenhearted. She wasn't sure if Anders even wanted to see her again anyway, but she wanted to at least say goodbye, just in case. She wasn't going to abandon the Wardens to save her own skin.
A horn called above them, signaling the darkspawn had started moving towards them, the cold night wind blowing their foul stench towards the army. By now, everyone was used to it and she only heard one person retching in the back. Better they get it done and over with quickly. As soon as the darkspawn were within the army's sight, they waited for the signal to attack. Markus stood at the head of the Wardens, poised and ready with the flat of his two-handed sword resting on his shoulder. Jasper stood beside him, his daggers clenched in his fists, his dark eyes flashing angrily in the torch light. Claire gripped her staff tightly and waited for the command.
It was chaos around them and Claire was glad she had magic at her command instead of a sword. She had a much better vantage point and knew her shots wouldn't miss and hit a comrade. As the battle raged on around her, she caught sight of Markus falling to the ground, an arrow sprouting from his shoulder. She bolted to his side, taking out a hurlock that was trying to finish the job and knelt down beside Markus before pumping her healing magic into the man.
"...Claire...?" He winced in pain. "Hush, I'm going to pull the arrow out." She said. It had gotten him in the shoulder, but with her magic, she was confident she could heal him. She snapped off the fletching, seeing that the arrow had gone all the way through, and rolled him to the side so she could pull it through. He groaned, but stayed quiet as the battle raged on around them. Once the arrow was out, she was able to heal him further, well enough that he was able to get up and start fighting again. As the fighting stopped, she looked around the battlefield as soldiers hobbled back up to the camp. There were plenty of dead soldiers and those too wounded to get up. She went to one and began healing him, at least enough for him to get back to camp on his own, then moved on to the next. Before she knew it, dawn had arrived and her head was killing her. She had overspent herself.
Stumbling away from the battlefield, Claire chugged a vial of lyrium before trying to heal herself. She was lucky, she hadn't taken too much damage charging in like that to save Markus. She had seen him drop and didn't think, just acted. If only she'd been able to do the same for Iestyn and the other Warden. Looking around, she saw Cedrik frantically searching the battlefield and she called to him. Relief flooded his face as he ran over to her.
"Oh Claire, I'm so glad to see you're all right!" He said. "I lost sight of you after you took care of Markus..." His face twisted in despair as he started to cry, then he grabbed her in a hug. "Please... you can't fight anymore..." His voice was hoarse, aching with the thought of loss, and Claire gently wrapped her arms around him.
"I can't, I need to be here." She said. "I can help people here. Why should I find a safe place to hide while all my friends are risking their lives?"
"I... understand." He said. "Never mind. Let's go somewhere else, somewhere quiet. Somewhere where we can just talk. Or sleep."