Conversations

Rosalie

When Emmett and I got back from our bear hunt, we found that Edward and Bella had gone to their cottage to have some alone time. Emmett flopped down on the couch and turned on the television to see the scores. Jasper acknowledged us with a slight nod but didn't look up from his reading. I could hear Esme in the kitchen and Alice waved from the computer in the corner. I really just wanted to see Nessie, so I went upstairs to find her, hoping she'd still be awake.

I found her in Edward's old room, in the middle of the four poster, king sized bed. Rosalie sat beside her, and was softly reading Shakespeare sonnets as Nessie lay snug under the covers. They looked up when I came in and Rosalie rolled her eyes, but Ness gave me a beaming smile that melted my heart. She beckoned me over and I stretched out on the bed beside her, over the blankets, and let her snuggle in against my warm chest. She laid her hand against my cheek and showed me how much she loved the sonnets and how happy she was that I came back before she fell asleep. "I'm happy too," I told her. Then I looked up at Rosalie. "She wants you to keep reading." Rosalie scowled at me but continued to read, and I had to admit the rhythm of the poetry and the soft voice she was using was really soothing.

When Renesmee's thoughts turned into dreams, I slowly extricated myself from her grasp and sat up. The two of us watched her sleep for a little while, before Rosalie's nose crinkled and she started glared daggers at me. She only tolerated me for Nessie's sake, and since she was asleep now, Rosalie was ready for me to leave. No way was I leaving though. I'd spoken to everyone else. They were scattered around the house, going about their business, knowing I would have only Rosalie and Esme left to speak to, and that I had a good opportunity to approach Rosalie now. As for Esme, well, she would be next.

"Time to put the dog out," Rosalie muttered with a sneer.

"Actually, Blondie, I wondered if I could have a word with you."

She huffed, but nodded brusquely toward the door. We crept out of the room, leaving Nessie sleeping peacefully on the black and gold bed. I tried not to think about what else it might have been used for. Rosalie led me down the hall to Carlisle's study, which was empty while he was at work, and shut the door behind us. For the illusion of privacy, I guess. I plopped myself down in the leather chair opposite his desk while Rosalie remained standing, facing me from her position in front of Carlisle's collection of art and photographs.

"I know what you're doing," she said, a hand on her hip. "Going around asking for everybody's take on Edward? I'm certain he knows what's going on by now."

I nodded. "Probably."

She huffed again, crossing her arms. I guess she was annoyed that I wasn't more worried about Edward's reaction to what I was doing.

"You really would do anything for her," she said, reluctantly impressed with me.

"Yes, I would do anything for Renesmee." Even try to love the leech I hated most, the one who stole everything from me. I wanted to be the one who finally tore his head off. Or, I did at the time. Now I realized it was all necessary to get me where I needed to be for the imprint. Fate was a twisted bitch sometimes. But I didn't say any of this. I only nodded.

Rosalie crossed the room and perched on the edge of the desk, ready to talk to me. "Of course, that's just like Edward isn't it. He knows everything about everyone. You can try to hide what you're thinking, but it's impossible to do all the time. You're bound to slip, and living in the same house, Edward will inevitably hear. There's no escaping it. He knows all of your darkest, deepest thoughts, as he knows all of mine. And Emmett's. And Alice's. And so on."

She took a deep breath before begrudgingly admitting, "It's annoying, and I hate it. I hate that he knows so much about me. But I also know how much he doesn't want to know. I can recognize that he bears a heavy burden. I can't imagine what it's like not to be able to shut it off and just be in peace. The only peace he ever found was by running away to solitude, so far away no human would go, to the tops of cliffs and mountains, so he won't be able to hear anyone but himself. Those opportunities are rare though, so he just has other people in his head constantly. Your own thoughts being overshadowed by the thoughts of others." She shook her head. "Few experiences of your own, only what you see others do. Hearing every vile thing a person has ever thought, and having to act as though you are ignorant."

I was learning that Edward's gift was indeed a burden. "He wears a pretty good mask, almost unreadable."

Rosalie lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "By design. He learned how not to react to thoughts he considers objectionable. Unfortunately, he learned how to do that because of me. We clashed often, much to Carlisle and Esme's dismay. We didn't make the house very comfortable to live in, the way we fought and traded insults. I guess there was never anything too bad in Carlisle or Esme's minds. But mine, he found distasteful.

"We were able to find some common ground when it came to music and cars, though he had the chauvinistic idea that automobiles shouldn't appeal to women. I quickly rid him of THAT notion. Stupid turn of the century males," she grumbled, rolling her eyes. I wanted to laugh, but I suppressed it. "So, we didn't totally hate each other all the time, but we certainly had a knack for getting under each other's skin, like any brother and sister. But unlike most siblings, he was constantly in my head, hearing things I never wanted him to know. God, I resented him… still do, even though I know he can't control it." She sighed heavily. "But you can't choose your family. Unless you're Carlisle, apparently."

Whoa, what was that about Carlisle?

Apparently, I had spoken aloud, because she answered me. "Well, Carlisle specifically chose to turn all of us, except Emmett. I asked him to do that." She turned toward a photo on the wall. It was of Bella and Edward's wedding. They were beaming at each other at the altar, having just exchanged vows.

"Bella is so perfect for him. Since Edward can't hear her, he can have peace and quiet as well as a partner in his life. Although, sometimes I think her silent mind is the strongest pull she has for him, now that her sweet-smelling blood is gone." That thought made me shudder and she laughed, flipping her hair over her shoulder, her eyes distant as she remembered something about her brother.

"Yes, things are better for the whole family since Bella came along. No more seventh wheel. It was sooo uncomfortable whenever we would go out on the town as a family, to an opera, or a movie. Once Emmett came along, he was always the odd one out and it was like he was tagging along. Not an easy feeling for anyone to handle, let alone a melodramatic teenager. So, he was often broody and frankly, ornery."

"And then Alice and Jasper came."

"And it got even worse. It was good for him to have other gifted people around to relate to, and he and Alice got really close. Good thing Jasper can tell their feelings were platonic or Edward would for sure be dead." She laughed, and I joined her. "Anyway, those two aren't as...showy as Emmett and I. More in line with Carlisle and Esme, and Edward deals better with less PDA. But he was the odd one out in an even larger group. We always made an effort to include him, but he didn't always enjoy it. You could tell in his eyes. There was no spark of happiness, just dull, like he was acting out what he knew we wanted to see."

Rosalie folded her arms, becoming irritated. "Of course, his situation is sad, but he really can be a right bastard sometimes. He knows just what to say to piss a person off. Emmett likes to take him down a peg or two every once in a while. Edward needs that. We can't let him go around thinking he's better than everyone all the time."

From what I'd learned about Edward so far, I was pretty sure that that last thing he thought was that he was better than anyone. If anything, he thought himself the worst of the bunch - an unlovable monster who knew more than he wanted to know about everyone around him, destined to be alone. Rosalie had him all wrong, in my opinion.

The blonde beauty queen (I mean, really, who wears a gown just hanging around the house.? It was weird.) sat up straighter, her shoulders squared. She looked me in the eye very seriously. "Are you aware of how I died?"

I had no idea what circumstances led to her becoming a vampire. "Frankly, I never even thought about it."

"Of course you didn't, dog. Who cares," she mocked my voice. "Just another leech."

"You got that right," I shot back, the hairs on my neck bristling.

She rolled her eyes before getting serious again. "Jacob, would you like me to tell you what happened to me?"

I nodded, finding myself hanging on her next words, the anticipation felt very dramatic. She got extremely serious, leaning forward and speaking emphatically.

"I'm telling you this because I don't hate you, Jacob, and I know you don't really hate me. I really detest you sometimes, your smell especially, but you are a good person, and I kind of… maybe… like you. A little. Sometimes."

I was actually kind of touched that she was admitting I'd won her over. "Aw, that's really special coming from you. Thank you, Rosalie."

She eyed me, not sure whether I was teasing her or not. And a part of me was, but mostly I was sincere. She seemed to sense that my teasing was more playful than malicious, and nodded before looking past me toward the wall of photographs.

"A group of men defiled and beat me in the street, then left me for dead."

I gasped, horrified by what I'd heard, not expecting such brutality to have happened to her. She continued, "Carlisle found me as I was bleeding out and decided to keep me, the reason for which no one truly knows, except for Edward."

I recovered my shock enough to inquire, "Have you asked them?"

"No, but it isn't difficult to figure out. Carlisle had Esme, and he wanted to play matchmaker for Edward. We both hated him for it for a long time."

"Wait, what?" I did a double take. "Edward hated Carlisle?" It was difficult to imagine because he practically hero worshipped the man now. Like he was his real father.

She smirked. "Absolutely. Carlisle did the same thing to him, you know? Saved him from the brink of death, gave him immortality, which is more of a curse than a blessing. Not only that, but to be denied from the very beginning of your life of the one thing your new body needs. That breeds resentment. All newborns lust for human blood. And Carlisle kept him from it. He was lucky Edward could read his mind, because if he couldn't see the reasons Carlisle had for both changing him and not drinking from humans, Edward probably would have killed him in a thirst-fueled frenzy."

"Is that how you felt when Carlisle changed you?"

"No. I felt the terrible burn in my throat of course, but I felt the burn of my hatred more. I reviled what I'd become, and I refused to let the monster sink its claws into me. I have never tasted human blood," she stated proudly.

This impressed me against my will. She noticed and smiled softly, pleased I had reacted that way.

"Well, to circle back, Edward knows every horrid detail of what happened to me. No other person knows absolutely everything, how I was defiled over and over, ripped apart and torn. The pain and utter humiliation. And I never wanted him to know, I didn't want anyone to know, not even myself! Especially not myself… But it was impossible for Edward not to know. It was all I could think about when I awoke. I wanted to find those men and take my revenge on them." I was so swept up in her terrible story, I had to remind myself to breathe. "I keep my plans concealed. Hunting with Esme instead of Edward, or whenever he'd leave the house, were the only times I allowed myself free rein to think of my revenge.

"I didn't know Edward's range reached as far as it does. After a few days, he approached me and told me he knew of my plans. I was afraid he would tell the others, or try to stop me himself. But no, he wanted to help. He was sickened and outraged by what had been inflicted on me, and he wanted them dead with as much passion as I did. He had vowed never to use his power to kill again—"

A...gain?

"—but his anger and rage on my behalf was such that he was compelled to see this done. His allegiance was very validating. He helped me exact revenge on those poor excuses for men."

"I…" I trailed off, still concerned about the 'Edward not wanting to kill again' bit. I stayed on topic though. "I thought you never killed a human."

She scoffed. "I only said I never drank a human's blood. But I have killed humans, five of them. One of them was my fiancée."

There was silence as that bombshell sank in. I was speechless at the cruel way she'd been murdered by her own fiancée, a man who should have protected her, but instead threw her to the lions. She nodded in understanding of my shock and continued on, "Edward helped me plan to assassinate them one by one. And he stayed nearby as I carried out our plan, to back me up if I needed it. But I didn't need it." She smirked again, shaking her head at the Rosalie and Edward of her memory. "He did all that because he was appalled by what had happened to me, even though he had sworn to himself never to be a part of taking human life again."

There was that 'again' again!

She plowed on, not realizing what she was letting slip. "After that, Edward never spoke of any of it or reacted to my thoughts about it. For that, I am endlessly grateful to him. He hears everything about everyone, but he will never reveal a person's innermost thoughts, not even to themselves. He internalizes it all. But when he intervenes on your behalf, it feels good to have the solidarity."

She scoffed to herself darkly. "Of course, Edward abuses his power in some ways. He always wins board games or wrestling matches because he can see all the moves before they happen, and that's just so annoying and tedious. That's why it amused everyone earlier that you got the better of Edward. Emmett dreams of doing that." She chuckled. "But seriously, Edward cares about the welfare of everyone in the family. How could he not? He knows us all so intimately. Edward and I butt heads a lot, but if I'm being honest, it's because we're a lot alike. Deep down, he and I know we care about each other, even if it doesn't show on the surface. Renesmee is lucky to have him as a father. Edward is a good man and role model. I guess that makes you lucky to have him for a father-in-law," she prodded in jest.

"Oh, that's where I draw the line," I retorted, swatting my hand at her as I got up from the chair. "Anyway, thanks for talking to me, Blondie. Hope I didn't scorch your nostrils too badly."

As I walked through the door, she replied, "Hmph, I tried not to breathe."

"Oh, by the way," I added as I left. "Carlisle beat you to the father-in-law crap."

Rosalie's haughty, tinkling laughter followed me down the hall.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

All that's left is Esme! Then there will be a wrap-up/epilogue. Fair warning, neither are complete yet, but there's something there for both, so it shouldn't be too long.