6 weeks later-
Casey came out of the bathroom and even though the lights were out, saw Kelly pacing around the living room. Curiously, he walked up behind the man and when Kelly turned around, he asked him, "Why are you pacing around my bedroom?"
"Let me ask you a question, Case," Kelly said, hesitantly, "do you feel cramped here?"
Casey sighed, he knew it. "I can be moved out in the morning, I'll find a place to stay."
"Hold it, that's not what I asked," Kelly grabbed him, "I just want to know, Casey, I mean...are you happy here?"
Casey looked lost. "I would've thought that was obvious."
"What I mean is...obviously it's not the same as your own apartment, but do you feel like something's missing?" Kelly asked.
Casey shrugged his shoulders, "Like what?"
Severide shrugged helplessly in return and responded, "I don't know...it just occurred to me, maybe it was easier when I was staying with you, because..."
Suddenly he couldn't finish that sentence. He'd thought about what Casey said a couple months back and though initially he'd thought this would be a fair trade off from when Matt let him move in with them several years back, it was starting to dawn on him that there was a massive difference. Casey had a guest room, Kelly had a place he could actually call his there, by contrast, all he could offer Casey was the couch, and though he'd tried like hell the last few months to make the place seem as much home to Matt as it was to him, the back of his mind nagged at him that everything was a constant reminder to Casey that everything in the apartment was Severide's and he was merely staying there until further notice, and aside from his clothes and the personal effects he'd accrued over the past six weeks, nothing there was his.
"This is harder to explain than I thought it'd be," Kelly said, "Let me try this again. I want you here if you want to stay here, but I don't want you feeling like you're just a guest here, you're family, and this place is as much your home as it is mine, and I hope I've been able to make you feel that way during your stay."
Casey snorted, "Hell, you've made me feel more at home than my own family ever did. But I don't get it, where's all this coming from?"
"I don't know," Kelly answered, "I just don't want you to feel like this isn't your home. I mean I'd understand if you wanted to move out, get your own place, you could have an actual room, some privacy, a place to bring a woman home to-"
"The last time I did that I was nearly torched in my sleep," Casey pointed out as he sat on the couch, "I have no intention of bringing anybody home anywhere for a long time."
"Okay, but what about the rest of it?" Kelly asked as he sat down beside Matt.
Casey shrugged and shook his head, "I don't know...I'll admit I do miss a few things about having my own place, but I like staying here, I like having somebody to stay with. I feel..."
"What?" Kelly asked.
Casey looked at him sheepishly and answered, "Safe..."
Kelly was thankful the room was dark because he knew the smile that suddenly formed on his face when he heard that would've made him look absolutely stupid.
"So apparently I'm doing something right," he said.
Casey snorted and laughed, "I guess so."
Casey didn't know where he was but he knew he was comfortable. Soft sheets, a warm blanket, two pillows under his head...he opened one eye suspiciously and looked around the room, then opened the other eye.
"Where am I?" he asked.
"My room," Kelly answered from the other side of the bed.
Casey turned his head and saw Severide, then he turned on his side and asked the Squad lieutenant, "How'd I get here?"
"I carried you in," Kelly said.
"Why?" Matt wanted to know.
"You were pretty out of it," Kelly told him.
"But what am I doing here?" Casey asked.
"I thought you might need to stretch out and relax," Kelly answered.
Casey shook his head, confused, "Why?"
Kelly sat up in the bed and looked at him, "You don't remember, do you?"
"Remember what?" Casey asked.
Almost as soon as he'd said the words, it came back to him.
"Oh...oh my God..."
The last call came back. A multi-vehicle accident on the highway, bad enough that a second company was called in to assist. Even with the anti-ice treatment, the roads were bad, while everybody was working to get the victims out of their cars and trucks, a semi came down the wrong lane, couldn't stop in time, and hit two of the firefighters from the neighboring house, and one of the police officers assisting. They'd been rushed to the hospital but the cop and one of the firemen died en route to Med. The hazardous conditions of the roads were to blame, it wasn't the semi driver's fault, it wasn't anybody's fault, but that never took away the urge to lash out at somebody, to blame somebody when tragedies like this happened. It was easier to blame someone than accept it couldn't be helped. A lesson they'd all learned the hard way over the years.
They were on the highway from 2:00 to 3:30 that morning, when they finally returned to 51 Boden announced he was sending everybody home and calling in 3rd Watch early. He wasn't going to chance another call coming in and everybody going back out in the conditions they were in. Severide knew nobody appreciated that 4 A.M. call, but he agreed with the chief. He couldn't take another rescue call after that, and one look at Casey told him the captain couldn't either.
As soon as they'd gotten in the door, Casey staggered over to the couch and collapsed face down on it and broke down sobbing. After half an hour or so he wore out and fell asleep. Kelly decided to take Casey to bed with him, he lifted Matt off the couch and carried him into the bedroom and got him settled under the covers. If anything qualified as a reason for them to bunk together, this was definitely near the top.
As the memories from last night came flooding back, Casey's head dropped down and started crying again. Kelly pulled the blonde man against him and held him tight.
"I know, I know," Kelly whispered as he rested his chin on the top of Casey's head, and felt a small spasm building in his chest.
"So...I've been thinking," Kelly said the next day when Casey entered the kitchen.
"Uh oh," Casey said with a mild look of panic on his face.
"Nothing like that," Kelly replied. "As long as neither of us is bringing anyone home at night, is there any reason we couldn't bunk together in my room?"
Casey got a confused look on his face and shook his head, "I don't know...I don't...what're you asking, Kelly?"
"Well I feel like a heel that you've been here for over three months and you're still just sleeping on the couch, I know we've only bunked together a couple times-"
"Under extreme duress," Casey added, trying to lighten the mood.
"And we did alright considering," Kelly replied, "but I think then we ought to be able to tolerate one another under normal circumstances."
"I don't know, Kelly," Casey said, "I'm not sure what you're getting at."
"Well, it's just I feel kind of bad that when you let me move in you had a guest room I could stay in, and all I can offer you is the couch."
"I would've invited you even if we didn't have a spare room," Casey told him.
"I know, and I probably would've stayed just as long," Kelly said, "but the only two solutions I could think of is one, we rotate who takes the bed and who takes the couch, or..." he shrugged, "I mean it's whatever you want to do...this is just the only thing I can think of to make sure you don't feel like you're just a guest here."
"I don't know what to say," Casey responded, "I mean...I appreciate the consideration, but..." he sighed, "we'll talk about it later, we'll...figure something out."
"I'm cold," Casey said in a deep congested voice as he stood by the dresser.
"Me too," Kelly responded in an equally congested voice as he pulled the covers up higher.
"This is the worst cold I've had in years," Casey said.
"This is the only cold I've had in years," Kelly remarked, "And it's bad enough."
Casey shivered as he got in the other side of the bed and burrowed under the covers. The two firefighters tossed and turned every which way trying to get comfortable before they both wound up in the middle of the bed clutching onto each other.
"Oh this isn't awkward whatsoever," Casey groaned.
"I won't tell anyone if you won't," Kelly replied, just before a sudden cough erupted out of him.
Casey yelled as the Squad lieutenant coughed right in his face, "Just what I needed."
"Sorry," Kelly got out over a couple smaller coughs.
"Oh shut up and move over," Casey said as he pushed Severide.
Kelly groaned as he rolled over in response to Casey hitting him in the back to move. He settled on his side and felt Casey press against his back.
"Kelly..."
"What?" Severide groaned as he closed his eyes, waiting to fall asleep.
There was a pause, and only Casey's distressed breathing was heard, then finally he heard Matt say, "Thanks."
Kelly was about to ask 'for what?', then it clicked, and despite his own misery, he smiled faintly.
"You're welcome, now shut up and let's get some sleep," he replied.
They both grunted a few times trying to breathe, then seemed to settle down, then Casey broke out coughing and Kelly yelped and grimaced at the sudden burst of air on his ear.
"Ew!"
Casey coughed so hard it sounded like he was forcing up a lung, then it stopped, and he pounded his chest a couple times and weakly got out, "Sorry."
Kelly sighed and responded, "It's alright. Hell, we're already sick, what's the worst that can happen?"
"He's still not answering," Kelly said as he put down his phone.
"Well I hope you guys didn't get your nights mixed up and we're not going to walk in on him with someone," Stella said as she drove back to Kelly's apartment. "I mean this is awkward enough as is with him being there all the time."
"He's there all the time because it's his home," Kelly told her defensively.
"I know," she replied, "I'm just saying it's not like it used to be when we could come and go at any time."
Kelly looked out the windshield as they pulled up to the curb. "No lights on."
"Let's announce ourselves anyway," Stella said as she reached for the door handle, "I do not need to walk in on the guy I answer to on Truck."
Kelly laughed as they got out and headed up the sidewalk.
"Hey Casey, you here?" Kelly called out as he opened the door. He was met by an eerie silence. "Casey?"
"Maybe he went out," Stella said as she turned on the lights.
"His truck's still here," Kelly pointed out.
Kelly went from room to room, sticking his head in and calling Matt's name. No answer. Something wasn't sitting well with him.
"Something's not right," he insisted as he walked into the kitchen and turned on the lights.
"How do you know?" Stella asked as she followed after him.
"Shit!"
"What?" she asked.
Kelly was looking at the calendar on the side of the cupboard. "I forgot!"
"Forgot what?" Stella asked.
"Today..." Kelly turned away from the calendar and looked at Stella, "It's Hallie's birthday."
"Hallie?" Stella asked, not drawing an immediate connection.
"Casey's fiancee, I told you about her," Kelly said.
Stella's eyes snapped with recognition, "Oh!"
"Oh my God, I'm an idiot!" Kelly grabbed two handfuls of his hair and yanked it hard enough he was surprised it didn't come out.
"Where would he go?" Stella asked.
"I don't-wait, I think I know," Kelly said as he headed for the door.
"I'm coming with you!" she told him as she ran right behind him.
"Are you sure about this?" Stella asked as they slipped in the front door to 51.
"It's worth a try," Kelly replied.
"You think he'd be here?"
"I did it when I was staying with him," Kelly said.
"Why?"
"Later," he said as they tried to quietly hurry towards the bunk room to see if anybody was there who wasn't on 3rd Watch. Doing a head count here was slightly more difficult than if it had been one of their shifts, 3rd Watch had a few skinny blondes who Kelly couldn't tell if it was Casey or not until he was right on top of them, and several didn't appreciate being woken up.
"Kelly," Stella whispered and he saw her pointing to a bunk near the end of the room. He made his way past the other beds and found Casey curled on his side in a ball.
"Casey," he nudged the captain.
"Go away," Casey grunted as he turned away.
"Casey, what're you doing here?" Kelly asked.
"Trying to sleep," Casey remarked as he buried his head under the pillow.
"Matt," Kelly grunted in frustration. He grabbed Casey under the armpits and dragged him out of the bunk and to his feet and walked him over towards Stella.
"Let's go," he whispered.
"Right," she nodded as they left the bunk room and headed for the door.
Casey was more or less asleep when they got in the car and headed back to the apartment. The three of them were piled in the front seat and Kelly helped keep Matt upright and watched him as he breathed deeply.
"What do you think that was about?" Stella asked.
"I don't know," Kelly shook his head.
Stella sighed and said, "Well, I guess that settles it."
Kelly merely nodded in response.
They pulled up to the curb and Stella asked Kelly, "You need help getting him in?"
"No, I got it," Severide answered as he reached for the door, "Thanks for your help."
"Yeah, no problem," she replied. When they were out of the car she drove off and headed back to her own apartment for the night.
"Come on, Casey," Kelly said as he walked the captain over to the bedroom, "Let's get you to bed."
Matt groaned something incoherently as Kelly walked him, like a giant puppet, over to the bed and laid him back against the pillows. He removed Casey's jacket and shoes and socks, pulled the covers up and tucked him in. Casey grumbled something else as he tossed and turned within the confines of his side of the bed.
"Sorry...'m sorry."
Kelly placed a hand on Matt's shoulder and squeezed it lightly, "It's alright, Casey, just go to sleep. Everything will be alright tomorrow."
When Casey calmed down, Kelly went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in beside him.
"Sorry I ruined your plans with Kidd," Casey said the next morning as he staggered out to the kitchen, looking more towards the floor than to Kelly.
"Don't worry about it," Kelly handed him a mug of coffee and told him, "I'm sorry I forgot about Hallie's birthday."
Casey swallowed a sip of the hot coffee and said, "That hurt...but that's not why I went out last night."
"What happened?" Kelly asked.
Casey forced himself to look the Squad lieutenant in the eyes as he admitted, "I got scared."
"Of what?" Kelly was surprised to hear this.
Casey sighed, and explained, "Everything's been going so well lately...and I just started to feel like if I didn't get out of here...something bad would happen."
"Like what?"
"I don't know, something like what happened with Hallie, or what happened with my apartment...and I didn't want that happening, I didn't want to put you through that, Kelly."
Severide's eyebrows raised, "Put me through it?"
"It just seems like I'm cursed. My mom killed my dad, Hallie was murdered, Gabby and I lost a baby, we lost Louie, our marriage went to hell, she ran me into the ground, it just seems whenever I live with somebody, something horrible happens," Casey told him.
"You were with Hallie for 8 years," Kelly pointed out.
"And we broke up," Casey said.
"And she would've still been murdered even if you hadn't gotten back together," Kelly told him. "I'm sorry, Matt, but that's the truth, you didn't have anything to do with it, but you're the reason why her killer was caught. And you didn't have anything to do with Gabby losing the baby, or Louie's family, and it's not your fault that Gabby was selfish and greedy."
"But my mom killed my dad because of me, she told me she did it because of me..."
"That's...she may have had her reasons and she may have thought somewhere in her mind that she was protecting you by doing it, but it's messed up, she shouldn't have told you that," Kelly said. "It's not your fault, you didn't make her shoot him."
"She did it because she loved me," Casey said, "And she didn't want to see my dad destroy me, destroy what I was...she saw that happening and she killed him...how am I supposed to deal with that?"
"How'd you deal with it the 15 years she was in prison and you didn't know why she did it?" Kelly asked.
"I just thought...I saw him, heard him, berating her every day...doing to her what he did to me...she could take it when it was just her...but when he started on me, then she snapped...I never thought about it like that before...I just always thought she finally couldn't take the way he treated her anymore, then I find out it's me...how am I not supposed to feel guilty for that?"
"Because you didn't do it, it wasn't your fault," Kelly told him.
"But there's the pattern, every time I live with somebody, something terrible happens," Casey said, "so why wouldn't it happen again now?"
"Because it's just a coincidence," Kelly insisted.
"See, logically, up here," Casey tapped the side of his head, "I know that...but I can't make myself believe it...just feels like there has to be some explanation for it all...and you've been a very good friend, I didn't want the same thing happening to you."
"Well I'm flattered, but you don't have to worry about me, Casey," Severide told him. "Nothing's going to happen just because you're staying here. It was a bad day, and I made it worse, I wasn't here...that's all it was, and I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," Casey said quietly, "it's not your problem, you have your own life."
"No, that's wrong," Kelly cut him off, "You're my best friend, so what's important to you is important to me." He sighed, "What can I do to make this right?"
Casey shook his head helplessly, as if the entire conversation had become too overwhelming to him, "I don't know..."
"After next shift," Kelly said, "you and me, we'll go out and do something together, you name it."
Casey shook his head again, "You already blew off one date with Stella on account of me, you better not press your luck, she might not be so understanding next time."
"Don't worry about Stella," Kelly said, "anything you want to do."
"Alright," Casey said quietly, then louder he told Severide, "Alright, I'll think about it and get back to you."
"I am so sorry, Matt," Kelly told him as he hugged Casey.
"Yeah well," Casey sighed, "It's just been an off year."
"I'm sorry," Kelly murmured, then leaned over and kissed Matt above his temple, "I love you, buddy."
"I love you too you big idiot," Casey remarked lightly, drawing a chuckle out of Severide.