Claire wasn't sure she wanted to be around for the Qunari fight, but she could tell it was getting closer. Her dreams had all become nightmares about it, and Anders was worried for her, even though she kept telling him it was all right. Her nightmares weren't eased at all after she tried to help Varric's brother, either. There was nothing she could do to cure the taint that came from red lyrium, and after they'd left the house, Varric had pulled her to the side to ask her to come back later, alone.
She had gone back after Anders had fallen asleep, and Varric told her he wanted to see a vision of the future, just to say he had. What was she supposed to do? She nodded, and showed him the explosion at the temple. It wouldn't give him any hope, if that was what he was looking for, but it was something. After that, she went back to Anders, but couldn't sleep. She felt like she was slipping away herself, again, but she wasn't sure what to do. There was no demon to fight this time, except herself.
One morning, Anders woke her again, but this time he didn't say a word, only hugged her and cried, startling her.
"Anders, please, what's wrong?" She asked, holding him tightly. "I'm sorry I woke you again, please tell me what's wrong!"
He raised himself to look into her eyes and tried to smile. "You always tell me it's all right, even though I can tell it's not. This time, you were crying out words. You were begging people not to leave you, crying that they couldn't be dead, and then you started crying my name, begging me to come back. I'm here, I'm not going to leave you..." It was her turn to cry as she remembered the dream, trapped in the darkness, alone... so alone.
"I'm sorry, Anders." She said. "I don't like worrying you, but I do it anyway. Can we just take today and go somewhere fun for once? Just escape for a day?"
"For you, love." He said, then kissed her lightly on the forehead.
"I think I'll be better after the Qunari are taken care of." She said as she got up. "Where would you like to go, Rivain? Llomerynn? I've heard great things about it there. Or we could take a walk through the Tirashan forest." She suddenly grinned.
"I've heard rumors about the Tirashan forest, but... why? Isn't it dangerous? You don't have a death wish, do you...?"
"Hah, no, I've been exploring old maps." She said, shrugging. "I think I may have found something, and I want to check it out."
"So this is what you've been doing when you sneak out?" He raised an eyebrow. "Very well then, shall I pack a picnic lunch then?"
"I was going to stop in Orlais for a snack." She said. The excitement of it was making her happy and chasing the darkness away, exactly what she needed. Of course there was still that nagging voice in the back of her head that was warning her that if she left, she'd regret it, but she couldn't stay in Kirkwall all the time. Besides, if she had discovered what she thought, she could move the mages from the Planasene forest to the Tirashan with no problems, and after the Qunari battle, she'd have three years to get it self sufficient before the world would fall to chaos.
"You're insane." Anders laughed, then kissed her again. "It's good to see you happy again. There's been too much darkness lately."
"Let's get ready, then, and go."
The Tirashan forest was dark, with the massive twisted trees reaching high overhead, even in the clearing they'd landed in. Claire shouldered her pack and caught a whiff of the delicious food she'd bought in Orlais, but she wanted to wait until she found the landmark she'd seen on an old map. No one had been in the forest for thousands of years, back when the elves had their empire stretched across Thedas. If Solas could have his castle still standing, then surely anything in an untouched part of Thedas would be standing as well, she just needed to find it.
"How do you feel about flying?" Claire suddenly asked.
"I don't know, I've never done it." Anders said, looking perplexed.
"You know, I really need to teach you to shapeshift." She said. "But I meant, if I become a dragon... will you mind?" He raised an eyebrow, then smirked.
"This I've been dying to see."
"All right then, stand back." She handed him the pack, took a deep breath and focused. The only time she'd ever become a dragon had been in a rage induced pain filled fog that she barely remembered, and in the Fade, but she could remember enough to know how it felt, and how it was done. When Anders was far enough away, she began the transformation, which was quicker than one might expect. Once it was complete, she raised her head to the sky and yelled out in triumph, then looked down at Anders and gave him a toothy grin. He could only shake his head and smile back.
"How is this supposed to work?" He asked. "Do I just... climb you? I'm not the most comfortable with being in your claws..." She lifted her right front leg and looked at the claws. They were sharp and shiny, almost as long as his chest at least, and she wasn't sure she could control enough to not squash him. Instead, she laid down and spread her wing out as best she could, allowing him to climb up. She couldn't even feel him on her, she had to swivel her head around to see if he was secured and then wondered if he'd be able to hold on.
Can you hear me like this? She tried a mind to mind communication, since she knew the ancient dragons could speak somehow – how else had they taught the Tevinters? – and she saw Anders nod.
"Try not to lose me." He said.
Are you afraid? She asked. I am, I've never had a passenger before... except for the Wardens as I carried their bodies to a pyre.
"That doesn't give me much comfort, but I trust you." Judging from his tone, she didn't think he trusted her that much, but nodded.
Hold on tight, then, I'm going to launch myself up. Would the g-forces make him pass out? Oh if only she could magically fly, not just become something that could fly. To be on the safe side, she put a few different magical protective spells on Anders, so that if he did fall, he wouldn't be hurt. The big plus, at least, was that she had large spikes in her back that he was pressed between, so he wouldn't fly backwards at least. Taking a deep breath, she launched herself into the air, remembering how she flew before as if it was yesterday. It wasn't so different from doing it in the Fade, and as she soared higher, she heard a yelp from Anders.
Is everything all right? She asked.
"This is amazing!" He cried. She could barely hear him over the wind, but she heard enough to make her smile. Concentrating instead on the ground below, she looked for anything that could point her in the direction of the landmark. Being in the air, it was easier to see things as if looking at a map, and she spotted an area that looked about right.
Hang on, love, I'm going down. She glided down in a gentle circle pattern rather than just a straight dive, but the closer she got, the more she realized she was going to have to break some trees in order to land. Finding the least dense area, she moved her massive body in a way that would minimize the damage and crashed through the trees, making sure to keep Anders shielded. Once the dust had settled, she heard Anders getting down and looked over at him. After he was on the ground, she transformed back into herself and stretched.
"That was more exhausting than I expected." She said as she looked around. "I'm not sure I can take us back to Kirkwall today." Suddenly, Anders grabbed her and kissed her hard, taking her by surprise. It was a pleasant surprise, at least, and she grabbed hold of him to keep herself steady. When he looked at her with his eyes half-closed, smiling softly, she felt herself melt.
"You are the most amazing person I've ever met." He said, his voice catching. "It still amazes me to have you for a wife after all these years..."
"To be fair, I don't feel that amazing." She said. "I'm still grateful every day that you chose me to be with."
"Only a fool wouldn't have." He kissed her again.
"We should probably look around before it gets late." She said. "I came here with a plan, outside of just spending time with you of course."
"Well then, let's see what's here." Anders surveyed the area with her, and then she saw it.
"There!" She hurried over to the top of a hill and looked down, proudly, at the castle. "I knew it was here!" Anders stared in awe at the ancient ruin, and slowly followed Claire as she bolted down the hill towards it. It was nestled up against a rocky cliff, as a waterfall fell nearby, and while the trees were dark and twisted giving it a more frightening feel, it still felt idyllic.
"How did you know about this place?"
"I was looking at the old maps, and there was a just... I don't know, something that piqued my interest." She shrugged. She wasn't really sure how she knew either, but she was glad she was right. She hurried to the door and looked at it. There wasn't much left of it, but the stone was still intact, which gave her some hope that it would be easy to repair.
"Did you dream about it?" Anders asked. "Is this where we're going to take the mages?"
"I think it'd be safer, even with the elves that live here."
"Elves?" He looked at her sharply. "What elves?"
"Oh, they're not like the Dalish, or the city elves, but... they've always lived here, from ancient times, and they worship the Forgotten Ones, the um, the dark elven gods that were banished to the Void... they sacrifice living beings to their dark gods..." She was surprised she still remembered that, it'd been so long since she'd even thought about it, but then, how could she forget Solas? Maker, he'd probably want to kill her if he ever found out about her. Would she be a threat to him, with everything she still remembered?
"Is something wrong?" Anders was looking at her worriedly.
"Oh, it was... just a thought." She said. "About elven history, and the fall of Arlathan."
"You seem to know quite a bit, things that I've never heard of." He said. "How do you know about the elves here?"
"I read it somewhere." She said, though she couldn't remember if she'd ever read it in Thedas. "Though I don't really remember where. I've read quite a few books after all. Come on, let's see what's inside."
Anders watched Claire as she went inside, and wondered how much she really knew about the ancient world. She was so excited as she looked around the castle, a castle that he was certain no one else even knew about or they'd have taken it for themselves, unless...
"What if the elves come here?"
"No worries, I'll take care of them." She said it so nonchalantly that it surprised him. She didn't feel any fear at that moment, she was actually confident for once. She had grown so much since he'd met her... He suddenly felt himself doubting her, wondering if he really knew her, then chided himself for it. She had never given him any reason to question her honesty, and if she was holding something back, it was probably for his own good, like she kept saying. But, Justice didn't trust her, especially since the Fade.
"Love..." He looked down at the floor, feeling a bit of shame at giving in a little to the doubt he knew was from Justice. "How much do you really know about Arlathan?" She looked over at him, startled.
"Oh, it's been years..." She frowned. "Let's see... I think I know what everyone does, that the Tevinters used demons, dragons, and magic to make the ground swallow it. Not that it really mattered at that point anyway... if I remember correctly, they'd already lost most of their knowledge by then and had fled the city." Anders raised an eyebrow.
"That's actually a bit more than what we're taught." He said. "Though perhaps they teach more in Tevinter than Ferelden. But I'm curious, I've always thought it was the fall of Arlathan that lost them everything." She smiled awkwardly and shrugged, and he was certain she knew more than most.
"Well, it's... complicated." She suddenly looked very nervous, losing all of her confidence and reverting back to the timid girl he'd always known.
"Claire, what's wrong?" He asked, going over to rub her back. "You were so happy just a few minutes ago."
"I'm sorry, it's just, it's hard to explain." She said. "I think I do know more than most people, but it's... considered heresy by the Chantry. You have to promise you won't tell anyone, please?"
"Of course, you should know me by now." How could she have doubts too?
"Yes, I do, probably the only person I can trust." She laughed. "Did you know the Fade was once part of our world? It was our sky... but the elven gods... they weren't really gods, but somniari, like me, I suppose. Only, they were much older, more experienced, and they were worshiped. Mythal was good to her people, but the others kept slaves and waged war. One somniari was against them, so they called him Fen'Harel as an insult, but he took it for a name with pride. When they killed his friend Mythal, he banished them by splitting the world, creating the Veil as a barrier between us and the Fade. That's how the elves lost everything."
"I can see why that would be considered heresy!" Anders said, surprised. He couldn't imagine many others even knew a fraction of that. "How did you learn of this?"
"I read about it." She said softly, looking away. "Mythal isn't dead... and neither is Fen'Harel. They stay in the shadows, but... I know them. Not exactly something I ever thought I'd say out loud. I don't want them to know about me."
"You... but wait, that would mean..." He wasn't sure what it would mean, or how she could know ancient elven gods, or how they could exist in the first place and be so old. He pressed his back against the wall and slid down until he was sitting, trying to figure out how to process what she'd just told him. No wonder she never said anything, it was too strange to comprehend easily.
"I'm sorry, Anders." She said. "Please don't be upset with me."
"Upset with you?" He asked, looking at her again as she knelt in front of him. "I'm just trying to figure out how two ancient elven gods are still alive, much less how you know of them in the first place, without them knowing you..."
"My dreams." She said. "That's how I know them. I've met and spent some time with Mythal, she even taught me some things, but I never let her know I knew who she really was. Fen'Harel, I'd rather avoid altogether. He might consider me a threat, since I've seen what he wants to do."
"No worries, I'll mention it to no one." Anders said. "I'm almost sorry I asked, but I appreciate you telling me, and trusting me with it. That means a lot to me."
"Of course, for you I'd do anything, I think. Were you anyone else..."
"I suppose we should find somewhere to sleep for the night, unless you feel you're up to taking us back to Kirkwall."
"No, I do need to rest first." She stood up and looked around. "There should be bedrooms around here, but they probably don't have beds anymore. There's very little of anything left that wasn't stone or metal. We'll have an uncomfortable night, but then we can return to Kirkwall in the morning, and I'll present this as an option to the mages in the Planasene castle. It has a lot of potential, and I'll know more about the area in the morning." She grinned again and helped him up.
"Have I told you how wonderful you are?" Anders asked, then kissed her, making her giggle.
They found a room, but as Claire had suspected, there was no bed, only dust remaining, and she wished she had thought to bring more things to make their sleep more comfortable. They hadn't had to sleep on the cold hard ground in a long time, she'd gotten a bit too spoiled on having a bed, but as long as she got to share it with Anders, she was happy. They fell asleep nestled against each other, and Claire went into the Fade to find the elves of the forest, to warn them away from the castle. It was obvious they never went near it in the first place, but she wanted to take precautions, just in case.
Their minds were interesting, not much different from any other except that their culture was a lot more bloodthirsty than most, and they still did sacrifices to their Forgotten Ones. By shrouding herself in darkness and giving them all the same dream, insinuating that their Forgotten Ones would visit upon them horrific evils if they ventured near the castle, she was able to ensure the safety of anyone she brought over. She also really would visit horrific evils on the elves if they did anything to endanger her people, so it wasn't like the dream was a lie, either.
When she woke, the sun was starting to rise, though it was difficult to tell with how dense the trees were. Wanting to surprise Anders, she teleported them back to their bed in Darktown, and snuggled up to him more, enjoying having him there. She knew the Qunari were going to attack soon, though whether she had a day or two left, she wasn't sure. She would need to find Hawke... She wanted to get it over with so she could relax a little and focus on her own work.
She felt Anders start waking up and kissed his forehead. "Good morning." She murmured.
"Good morning." He replied, smiling without opening his eyes. "We're back in the clinic, aren't we?"
"We are. I got tired of sleeping on the ground."
"We should probably get up then, we probably have patients to deal with." He said, but neither one moved.