Even a week later, Claire was still trying to deal with the loss, the idea that she could never have a baby of her own, and to distract herself, she decided to pay Merrill a visit. What was she supposed to say to the elf? Merrill truly believed she could restore her people's history through a broken Eluvian, not knowing the truth of the Fade and Arlathan, and being far too trusting of demons. There was also the part of Claire who wanted to get the Eluvian working herself...
She took a deep breath and knocked on Merrill's door, but then panicked and hid herself by making herself invisible as Merrill opened the door. The poor elf looked around and sigh.
"I see they're playing this game again." She said.
"I'm sorry." Claire took a breath and took off the invisibility while the elf's head was turned. "I'm not the best at approaching people and I got startled when you opened the door."
Merrill jumped and stared at Claire, then laughed nervously. "You need to be more careful, scaring people like that yourself! Did you need something? I'm afraid I don't have much at the moment..."
"My name is Claire." Claire quickly cut in. "I... don't have many friends here, I haven't been in Kirkwall for very long, but I know Hawke, and he suggested I talk to you. He said you don't have many friends either." It was as good an excuse as any, but Claire's heart was still racing. She knew what Merrill wanted, and she had the information. She knew that Merrill could never restore her people's history through the mirror, but how could she convince the elf of it?
"Ah, I'm Merrill, it's a pleasure to meet you. Won't you come in? Pardon the mess, it's not always this bad." There were ways Claire could deal with the mess Merrill was making. Kill the demon herself, destroy the mirror, teleport the mirror... a sudden idea started forming in her mind concerning her Tirashan castle. Perhaps she could recreate a doorway system so that her mages could be free if anything were to happen to her.
"Hawke mentioned you had an Eluvian." Claire tried to sound casual about it. She wouldn't dissuade the poor misguided elf from her goal, but perhaps she could circumvent the tragedy.
"Oh, not you too." Merrill grumbled. "I don't know what it is about everyone coming to warn me about the blasted thing."
"What do you mean?" Claire asked. "I was only curious about it, as I've never seen one. The Keeper told me it's the one that killed Tamlen and Mahariel, too. I met them, years ago, when I brought Alberoth to the clan."
"Oh, that was you then?" Merrill seemed to relax a bit more at that. "Yes, it was the tainted mirror, but I've since fixed it. There's nothing to worry about now."
"Might I see it? I've always wanted to study them, being a mage myself."
"Certainly, it's just back here." Merrill led the way, and Claire was almost surprised at how trusting Merrill was with her. "You know, I do believe Hawke has spoken of you before as well. You're Anders' wife, yes?"
Claire smiled and nodded. "I am, yes, so I don't get out much. There's always so much to do in the clinic."
"Anders doesn't much care much for me..." Merrill sighed. "Anytime he's around he has to go on a rant about how I'm going to get someone killed or be turned into an abomination. Even Hawke has to lecture me, if he ever asks me to go anywhere."
"Hawke is worried about you." Claire said. "They don't understand demons in the same way... I remember when Justice first saw me speaking with a demon, he got pretty upset." She wasn't sure she should be encouraging that destructive behavior, but it was hard to not want to talk about demons in a way that wasn't all "kill them all" and no in between.
"Justice is the spirit inside of Anders, yes?"
"Yes, and he has no tolerance for the corruption demons hold." Claire said. "I find that while yes, they are spirits who have been corrupted, they still hold fascinating information, you just have to be very careful and never trust them." She laughed, then put her hand to the mirror while Merrill looked at her oddly.
"I'm not sure what I've done wrong with the mirror, it should work, but it's just a useless chunk of glass..." Merrill said, then gasped as Claire activated it somehow. She hadn't meant to, but it was easier than she thought. The glass swirled with the magic, and Claire got the information she needed, then shut it down, pretending she didn't know what she'd done.
"That was incredible." Claire gasped, staring at her hand. It still tingled, a lovely energizing feeling. What she had learned from the mirror was how to access the mirror room, the place between places. Perhaps with that information, she could access her own world... but then she realized she didn't want to go back, even with Anders. She had built a life in Thedas, she had friends, while she had nothing in the other world.
"Are you all right? You look like you've had a bit of a shock. How did you manage that anyway?" Merrill asked.
"I don't know." Claire replied. "I've never felt anything like that before."
"Since you got it to work, then perhaps I really can save my people's history!"
Claire turned sharply, frowning. "You think you can retrieve the Dalish history through this mirror? Then you must not know..." She stopped herself as she realized she was getting ahead of herself again. It was too late, of course, and Merrill was in disbelief.
"You? What could you possibly know of my people?"
"I apologize, I forget myself sometimes." Claire quickly said. She couldn't divulge her secrets so soon to someone like Merrill. The blood mage wouldn't understand or believe without proof, and she couldn't keep a secret to save her life. "Perhaps we could go to the market and grab some food, take a walk instead."
"I think I'll pass, but um, thank you... I think." Merrill was frustrated and confused, and Claire felt bad for messing with the poor elf. "You're a very confusing human."
"If you ever have need, find me at the clinic, or call to me in the Fade." Claire bowed, and walked out of the tiny house. As soon as she could, she teleported straight to the back of the clinic and laid down on the bed, wanting to die of embarrassment. She messed that up so bad... even someone like Merrill would never want to see her again. She felt like disappearing for a while, just vanishing, maybe find Arlathan and see it for herself. She couldn't leave without Anders, of course, but would he want to go? They had less than three years before the end of things, surely he could spare a couple of days to go adventuring.
"Hey love, what are you doing? I thought you were going to speak with Merrill."
"I messed it up." She mumbled into her pillow. "I mess everything up." She felt Anders sit down beside her and put his hand on her back.
"You're still upset about earlier. You shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard right now."
"I'm trying to distract myself." She rolled over into her side and took hold of his hand. "You're a good distraction at least. We should go somewhere, just for a day or two... somewhere quiet and uninhabited."
"If you wish it." He bent down and kissed her cheek. "Was it really that bad? Speaking with Merrill?" Claire didn't want to reply, but sighed.
"She seems incredibly naive, and overly trusting." She said. "She didn't know me, yet didn't hesitate to tell me everything. I can't tell her what I am, what I can do... or even what I know about her people, mainly because I'm a shem and how could I possibly know more than her?" Claire shoved her face into the pillow, wanting to scream.
"You see why I don't often go with Hawke when he takes her now, don't you." Anders chuckled as he rubbed her back. "She's a sweet girl, but as you've already seen, she's going to kill someone with her stubbornness and naivety. So tell me, then, where would you like to go?"
"Let's go find Arlathan." She said.
"I thought you said it had been swallowed by the earth." Anders seemed bothered by the thought, and Claire wondered how good an idea it would be, but she was set on it.
"There may be parts that can still be reached if I teleport." She said. "I've studied the maps, I know the general vicinity of where it should be. Come on, when will we ever get a chance like this again?" She sat up and put her forehead against his, staring into his eyes.
"Fine, fine, you win!" Anders said. "But we can't leave right now, I can't leave my patients for too long today, but we should be good to go tomorrow."
"Then I'll get packing."
The Arlathan Forest was thick and green, as well as warm and humid, but Claire wasn't paying any attention to the weather as she searched for large underground caverns. Using magic to 'see,' she was able to map out some rooms, and then tried to think of how one could breathe in a cavern that had been buried for two thousand years. Thinking on it, she decided to form an energy shield around her and Anders that would keep air in. They might have to go back to the surface after it started running out, but it would ensure they could breathe without harm.
"Are you ready?" Claire asked. Anders didn't look ready, but he nodded. "All right, let's go." She put the shields up and teleported them into the cavern. To her amazement, it wasn't completely dark. There were mushrooms and other fungi glowing all around them, lighting the place up and showing the ancient architecture unlike anything they had seen before. Claire was excited and hurried to the fungus to look at it closer.
Anders wasn't sure what to think. He'd never seen glowing plants of any sort before and had to assume it was because of magic. They were in Arlathan, weren't they? So why not? He watched Claire, glad to see her happy after all the stress and heartache she'd been going through, and wondered if they'd find any artifacts to bring back, or if the Tevinters had looted it all. The area they were in seemed pretty bare, aside from the glowing things.
"Isn't this stuff so amazing?" Claire asked, holding out a piece of the glowing plant to him, which he realized seemed like a mushroom.
"It is. Do you know what makes it glow? I can't feel any magic coming from it."
"I was trying to think of what the word was..." Claire said. "It was something that had to do with light... oh, yes, luminescence. Lumen, for light, and essence for... well, being. A being of light." She laughed, and her use of Tevene reminded him she'd spent eight years in the country. It felt like so long ago, they were completely different people from when they'd first gotten together. It was what, 9:35 or close to it, he couldn't keep track anymore, but it had only been about five years since they got together, and less than four years since he'd run off to Kirkwall... was he really in his thirties already?
"It's good to see you smile again." He said, bringing himself back to reality. "I'm glad we came." She grinned and grabbed his hand, pulling him off to another room.
"Let's explore more, there's no telling what we might find here!" She said. They came across a large mural on the wall made of tiles, though it was difficult to make out what it depicted with how much was growing on it. "Hang on, I might be able to fix this." She tried using a little fire on one part, and the plants easily burned off, so she used fire on the whole thing. It showed elves with their elven gods, a fascinating piece but Anders couldn't see anything particularly amazing about it.
While he continued to examine it, he suddenly felt the presence of a spirit nearby, making Justice want to come out, and turned quickly to see an ancient elf walking towards them, glowing a bright blue. He spoke in a language Anders couldn't understand, and Claire responded, slowly and more awkwardly. Anders watched with baited breath as his wife and the spirit touched hands, and Claire's eyes began glowing white just for a moment. He could feel Justice, anxious inside, not trusting this strange new spirit. He hadn't felt Justice so strongly around Claire in a while, especially with how he and the spirit were drifting apart, and it worried him. That they once felt as one, thought as one...
"I... see." The spirit's voice was breathy and distorted.
"Anders, he's a real elf, from the days of Arlathan!" Claire was so excited, she was having a hard time containing it. "Did you see it, then? The fall of Arlathan?" Anders relaxed a little, as Justice decided it was a mere curiosity and no threat, and the spirit slipped back into the subconscious.
"I did." The elf said. "This... is strange. I feel... feel as if I should know you. I have not seen... no mortals in so long." His glowing image flickered for a moment.
"I'm not sure how you would know me." Claire said.
"My name is Admael." The elf bowed. His robes seemed to wave in an invisible wind.
"I am Claire Victoria, and this is my husband, Anders." She bowed as well.
"I knew one... a Claire Victoria..." Admael said. "Daughter of Thenarel and Iustina... an illicit affair between an immortal elf and a human dreamer. Iustina was killed after giving her powers to Claire, and then Thenarel as well. I was charged with protecting the baby, and sent her across the Fade."
"Wait, across the Fade?" Claire had lost her cheer and stepped back. "As in, to another world?" Admael looked surprised as well, but Anders was just lost. There really were other worlds?
"Indeed. How is it you know if... if you are not her?" Admael asked.
"No, it can't be." Claire was shaking, so Anders hurried to her and put his arms around her to try to calm her.
"What's going on?" He asked. "What does he mean by other worlds?" Claire looked at him, but couldn't speak as the tears started falling. She shook her head.
"She seems to be remembering." Admael said. "I never thought to see you again, Claire, but it is you, isn't it? It's a wonder you were able to make it back here... on your own." The spirit was getting more energy, it seemed, and was glowing brighter.
"You grew up in another world?" Anders asked, then looked at the elf. "But wait, if what you're saying is true, then she would have to be two thousand years old."
"Traveling between worlds is not... as straight forward as one would think." Admael sighed. "I discovered... to my shame... that the world I sent her to had time flowing differently... while I was there a short time, many years had past here. I was killed... before I could bring you back, Claire..."
"You're serious!" Claire cried out. "Everything... everything I thought I knew... no, how... how can it be a lie? It doesn't make sense."
"It might explain how you were never able to show me in person where you grew up." Anders said softly. "You told me about it, but I couldn't find it on a map. It might explain why you're so special, too." She stared at him, confused.
"You're accepting this far easier than me..." She said.
"We've always known there was something different about you." He said. "This makes sense."
"You're just going to believe some random spirit in the middle of an underground ruin?"
"I beg your pardon!" Admael huffed. "Random spirit?" He was glowing much brighter with that, and for some reason, it made Anders laugh.
"Claire always has been stubborn." He said. "I don't suppose there's any proof to what you're saying that could get her to believe you easier?"
"She knows she grew up on another world." Admael was glaring at Claire as he pointed at her. "She knows what sort of world it was... with strange technology beyond our understanding."
"I was just a kid when I left!" She cried. "I don't remember much of it, and I don't want to remember it! It was a horrible world and they hated me! If what you say is true, you abandoned me! I had no one there!" It was Admael's turn to be shocked, and he didn't seem to be able to say anything. Anders couldn't really think about the fact that his wife had been born two thousand years prior and had spent most of her childhood in another world, it was difficult to process, but at the same time, it did make sense.
"I... I found you a loving home." Admael said.
"My parents... the ones who raised me, anyway..." Claire wiped her eyes. "They did love me, but it was hard living with them, and then they were murdered, and the aunt I was left with hated me... I had no friends, I was too strange to them."
"I apologize..." Admael gave a heavy sigh. "In my attempt to save you from sharing your parents' fate, I failed you... as you see... even powerful elves make mistakes." Claire snuggled closer to Anders for a moment, then looked at Admael.
"I can't really be angry with you, though." She said. "If it weren't for you and what you did, and everything I went through, I never would have gotten to meet Anders. I'm not alone anymore, I have friends here now. Life isn't perfect, there's a war brewing, but it's something. It's... it's not easy to think about, having different parents than what I grew up thinking, but... Anders is right, it does make sense, and would explain why I was drawn to Thedas..." She had a disturbing look on her face and Anders had to wonder what she wasn't telling him, but he'd save it for after they'd left Admael.
"I'm glad you were able to get a decent life." Admael said. "That you thought to come here, as well... I am glad. I cling to the past... my regret has held me here, but it lightens... to see you, a grown woman now..."
"I'm twenty-seven now." She smiled. "I will never have a family of my own outside of Anders, but it's... I'm not sure, comforting, perhaps, to know that my real parents cared enough about me, and each other, that they would sacrifice their lives to save me. I wish I could have met them."
"They passed on, long ago." Admael said. "I never truly got to say goodbye... I was unable to save either..."
"It worked out for the best in the end, though, right?" She tried to laugh a little, making it obvious she was overwhelmed.
"Might I... see you again?" Admael asked, but his light was fading. "I have many questions... but I grow weary..."
"Yes, of course." Claire said. "I will come back when I can, though we're busy a lot lately, saving mages and running a free clinic in the city's underbelly." Admael laughed as he flickered.
"Just... like your parents..." He faded out, leaving the room feeling emptier.
"Are you all right, love?" Anders asked, holding her closer.
"I don't know." She murmured, snuggling her face into his shoulder. "I don't know how to process this information. To think, I was born two thousand years ago, that my real father was an immortal elf! I'm elf-blooded? Me? It seems so strange, and then finding out I was sent to an entirely different world..." She grew quiet.
"You knew already." He said, then kissed her head to make sure she knew he wasn't mad with her for not telling him. "You knew it was a different world, even if you thought you'd been born there. I can understand why you wouldn't want to tell me... it's hard to believe, but I'd had my suspicions already."
"You did?" She asked, pulling away, making him chuckle.
"Things you said, or did, when we first met, and the description of your home." He said. "I wasn't sure if it was anywhere in Thedas, but I knew you had to have been brought by immense magic, and from a great distance."
"That world was not very fond of magic." She said. "I never really lied, I just... left out the technology. You don't need to know about that stuff and I really want nothing to do with it."
"Nothing at all?"
"I don't know... maybe there are some things, but magic more than makes up for it." She suddenly grinned again. "I can do far more with my magic than they could have dreamed in that world, for all the technology they had. Other people, non-mages, would want it, I'm sure, but... maybe if I'd had a better life there, I would miss it, but I don't. I love it here and now I know I truly do belong here."
"As if there was any doubt."
"I... I kind of feel like we should head back now." She said. "Maybe that was the whole reason I wanted to come here in the first place, I just didn't know it."
"I suppose there are some things your foresight doesn't tell you outright." He said. "Come on, then, let's go."