Chapter 14
Arizona entered the family room after Kate left and quietly sat down next to a still irritated Sara. Arizona has had some short conversations with Sara in the last few days and she's given her more than one shot in order to get some sleep but she could see that Sara was more and more desperate for somebody to really talk to. "Hi Sara" she said gently "Are you okay? I can see you're upset" she asked. "Yes I'm upset" said Sara abruptly... I'm fucking fuming..." she said almost screaming. Everybody looked at her. "Do you want to go have a talk about it? I've got really good coffee in my office" offered Arizona. "No..." said Sara sternly, everybody was still eyeing her. "Actually, sure... let's go... I need to get out of here" They walked quietly to Arizona's modern looking office. Sara walked around absentmindedly looking at the art on the wall while Arizona made coffee. It was clear that this hospital had lots of money, everything was state of the art. Beautiful furniture, tasteful art... Sara was suddenly very relieved that Tegan had the foresight to take out the best medical insurance available for them both. "Here you go, have a seat" said Arizona holding Sara's coffee. They sat in silence for a while, Sara sipping her coffee. "Do you want to talk about it Sara?" said Arizona kindly. "No, I really don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to get out of that room... I... it's not that I don't want to talk to you or anything... you seem really nice... it's just that... I don't need anybody to talk to thanks... I have my family and friends" said Sara looking almost embarrassed. "I know you do Sara, and I also know that you are talking to them and that's good. But I think you know as well as I do that some things you're not going to share with them? Perhaps you feel like you should be strong for them? Be strong for Tegan? But I don't think it works that way Sara..." said Arizona looking at Sara with kind eyes. Sara stayed quiet for the next 5 minutes, so did Arizona. But the silence wasn't uncomfortable, in fact Sara felt more comfort in this quiet room than she has anywhere in the last few days. "It's my fault... all of this" said Sara emotionless. She continued to tell Arizona about the crushing guilt she felt, Arizona just nodded. "And now... now... Tegan is going... oh crap I'm not supposed to say anything." Said Sara looking guilty. "Whatever you say in here stays in here Sara, it's covered by doctor patient confidentiality" said Arizona. Sara stayed quiet for a minute deciding whether or not to tell Arizona. "Tegan's going to be a parent... Lindsey's pregnant. She can't die... she can't die, this kid needs her" Sara started sobbing. Arizona spent the next hour talking to Sara, trying to calm her down. "Thank you Dr Robins." said Sara blushing... "Call me Arizona please! I'm really glad we had a talk Sara, you know where to find me if you need me right" said Arizona.
Lindsey was sitting next to Tegan's bed, holding her hand and stroking her cheek. She felt the tape holding the ventilator tube in place under her thumb. Tegan's face felt cool and clammy. She seemed to have lost a lot of weight, the nutrition she was getting through the tube down her nose and the various IVs wasn't enough to keep her weight up. Lindsey was finally alone with Tegan for the first time in the last few days. She specifically asked everybody if she could just have a few minutes, alone... "Hey baby, you're doing good... I love you. You're going to be just fine, they're taking such good care of you... You just hang in there all right! I'm right here with you okay, right here..." Lindsey was all cried out. She kissed Tegan's hand softly. "I can't wait for you to get out of here, we have a baby room to decorate you know" she smiled. "I think it's a girl babe... She's going to be just as beautiful and talented as her mommy Tee. I gave Jeremy the good news and he's so happy for us. You just concentrate on getting better my angel" Lindsey looked down at Tegan's "You and Me" tattoo and then to her own" Me and You" tattoo. "You and me babe..." she whispered. She kissed Tegan's hand again. Lindsey was a horrible singer but Tegan loved it when she tried. She started softly singing the most cheesy song Tegan's ever written. It was Lindsey's favorite and she never made a secret of it. "The first time I saw your face, I knew I was meant for you... The first time you said my name, I knew I was meant for you... Love, they say it heals all wounds, Love, removes the hurt in you, Love, I know that this is true. Love, they say that it is blind, Love, they say it all the time, Love, I know that they are right. You don't need to wonder If love will make us stronger, There's nothing love can't do..." she trailed off, tears rolling over her cheeks again. "I love you Tegan"
Lindsey was forced by Sonia to go get some rest, it took some persuasion but she finally agreed to go take a nap. Erin and Sara was sitting next to Tegan's bed when Ted walked in with a massive box. "Hey guys, I've been playing mailman... I went for a walk outside and saw all these letters and messages and stuff for Tegan at that shrine thing the fans made for her outside. There's a lot of people there... They all asked me to bring you the messages so you could read them to Tegan. I've already had them sterilized, they sprayed them with some antiseptic stuff. I've left the gifts outside" said Ted. Sara looked at the box, so many letters... "Tom says the email has been going nuts, and of course Twitter and Facebook. People have been amazing..." said Ted. Sara could feel emotion building in her throat again. She swallowed hard, "Thanks Ted" she said softly. Ted walked over to his friend's bed. He'd been avoiding coming close to Tegan, avoiding this room. He just stood there, looking at Tegan for a long time. "Do you think it hurts?" he asked softly. "Kate said that she's on a lot of pain meds so she won't be hurting no" said Erin standing next to Ted with her hand on his shoulder. Ted's shoulder started shaking "I can't stand seeing her like this... I can't" he said through gritted teeth staring at the tube going through Tegan's bluish lips into her airway. "She's always laughing, she's the fun one, fuck... she's the healthy one!" Sara felt uncomfortable seeing Ted break down like this. Just to break the mood she pulled a letter from the box. "Let's read her some letters guys... Kate said she may hear us" Sara's hands were shaking as she opened the letter. Sara, Erin and Ted spent the entire afternoon reading so many letters to Tegan. Key words of love, inspiration, light, health shone through in every mail. They laughed, they cried, they were touched to the core by the incredible messages of love and support for primarily Tegan but also for the rest of them. Tegan didn't stir, the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor continued. Erin looked at the monitors and smiled "I think her BPs up guys, I know you can hear us buddy... We're going to give you a break now so you can rest but there's plenty more where that came from. You just get better now okay"
Is Tegan taking a turn for the better? Let's hope so! Remember to shoot me a review please!