She Comes And Goes As She Pleases (Part 9)
by BrDPirateMan

"Neku, there you are! C'mon, hurry up!"

Eri waved at me from the bus-stop, and I scampered over in a hurry. The bus had already long arrived by the time I spotted it and the most of the passengers had already boarded. She and I would be the last to get on.

As we took our seats, she chided, "Man, it's not like you to be so tardy."

Out of breath from all the running, I did my best to talk through painful gasps. "Let's just say I had a… slight electronic malfunction."

"You mean your alarm clock didn't go off today?"

"You're a sharp one, Eri."

"I can't believe you could be so careless!" she sighed in slight exasperation. "And today's an important day too! Seriously, I was wondering what happened to you."

"Sorry…"

I felt guilty that I made her worry, but at the same time, my excitement was growing. Like she said, today was an important day, but not because there were exams or even classes to be had.

Eri's gripes about being hopeless in the kitchen led me to offer to teach her how to cook, and after she gladly accepted, we came to a mutual agreement: every Saturday I would pop by her place and teach her one simple recipe. There would be active participation on her part so that she could gain precious hands-on experience. Finally there would be a use for the kitchen at her home that she had been neglecting all this time. And if, prior to her lessons, some ingredients were lacking, we would go shopping for some. Just like now.

That's right… Today was Saturday, the day of her very first cooking lesson with me. We were planning to make shrimp tempura and I knew we would have a good time – especially Eri – because of how visibly excited she was. But we didn't have any shrimp, or anything for that matter, since all she had in her fridge was cans of beer and… more cans of beer (yeah, she was quite the drinker). So here we were taking the bus to a supermarket I frequented which was in another part of the city.

"This is gonna be fun," said a hyped-up Eri. "After today I'll be able to make tempura. I can't wait!"

I chuckled and found it cute that she was willing to dive right in. "Glad to hear that. This isn't particularly hard, but you've got to pay close attention."

"Yes, Sensei!"

"Y-You can drop the 'Sensei' part already, you know…"

XOXOXOXOXO

The supermarket was one of the branches of a famous chain store so it was a vast place where one could purchase all kinds of things, mostly food. We got ourselves a trolley to dump our goods in and off we went.

"Alright, Eri, let's get started." I fished a shopping list out of my pocket and we browsed through it together. "What we need is shrimp, flour, eggs, seasonings and a few other bits. Let's get our shrimp last because we don't want it to thaw out too much while we're shopping."

"Mmm, yeah, that makes sense."

She was gazing at everything in what seemed like wonder, making it look like she had never stepped foot inside a supermarket in her life. Not that I was surprised considering how she never cooked at all before this…

"What is it, Eri?" I asked. "You look like you've just landed in another planet. You… have been to a supermarket at least once before, right?"

"Of course I have!" she huffed. "But I just had a thought. If all the shelves here were filled with clothes instead of food…"

"Eri… You're drooling."

"How can I not? ! The thought of this whole place being one giant boutique is just…" – she paused to wipe her mouth dry – "…It just boggles the mind, doesn't it? ! Just think, Neku! Aisles upon aisles of blouses and jeans! All the brands you can think of, from D+B to Pavo Real! And because the shop's so darn big, there'll be more fitting rooms so no more waiting for slow customers to get out so you can use them! It'd be the ultimate fashion-lover's utopia!" – now she was getting wrapped up in her fantasies and hugging herself like an idiot – "Ah… thinking about it gives me the shivers. I could just die."

"Well, don't. We have shopping to do." I flicked her lightly on the forehead to wake her up. "And focus."

"Way to spoil a girl's dream," she mumbled, rubbing her head. "But you're right. We're here for food, not clothes."

"Glad you've come back to your senses at last," I deadpanned. "Now, shall we start?"

"Yeah! First thing on the list is flour, right? Then let's go get some. C'mon!"

She didn't think twice about holding onto my arm like a bride would. It wasn't the most appropriate way to appear in a public place, but it did make me feel very happy inside. Arm service, as it was. Now it was hard for me to focus. And the way she was bombarding me with culinary questions was so cute and innocent that I was struggling to keep myself from melting. Well, half of those questions were more dietary-based than anything, but…

"Tempura has a nice flavour," said Eri as we passed by a few aisles, "and the crispy texture makes it fun to eat, but… I'm a little worried about the calories. Isn't there a way to make it healthier or something?"

I explained patiently, "There have been attempts to shallow-fry it, with varying degrees of success. But normally it's deep-fried to give it a beautiful and even coating, and you'll have to use a wok and plenty of oil for it to come out right."

"Oil? !" She gave a horrified gasp at the mere mention of the word. "H-How much? !"

"Enough to fully cover the tempura. We're looking at about three inches deep."

"Oh my god! Three inches? ! The calories! Just think how many of the nasty little things are lurking around in each serving! It'd be murder on my figure!"

I expected her to react like this, but I had prepared myself for such an occasion. I tried my very best to subdue her worries, though I wasn't sure if it would help.

"Eri," I said kindly, "deep-frying is unavoidable when making tempura, but you need only dip it in oil very briefly. Shrimp cooks extremely fast too, so it's all for the better that shrimp tempura doesn't stay in the oil for too long. Sure, it's still deep-frying, but it's not that bad when you fry it that quickly. Besides, it's not like you eat tempura everyday."

This helped her to calm down somewhat. "Hmmm, you do make some valid points there. Tempura once in a blue moon shouldn't hurt too much. Still… there's got to be a way to make it healthier…" Then her eyes lit up; she had a brainwave, or what she felt was one, but really wasn't. "I know! We could add beer in the batter! I've got plenty at home!"

"H-How does that make it any healthier?" I sighed. "Although it's true that beer can be used to make batter. Our recipe doesn't call for that though…"

"Batter, huh… Wait, that's it! It's the batter that's the worst culprit! How could I not see that!" She gave herself a light slap on the forehead, as though she finally understood. "In that case, we can just make the tempura without the batter! Problem solved."

"Then it's not tempura in the first place!"

"Huh. Then there's no getting around it. I'll have to grin and bear it… and burn those calories later. Yup! An extra hour or two at the gym should do the trick! But don't worry, I can take it!"

"Ahaha… No need to go to extremes…" This girl could be hard to comprehend at times…

Out of curiosity, I spoke up, "Eri, is having a slim figure that important for you?"

She flashed a smirk at me. "Need you even ask, Neku? A girl's got to take care of her looks." Her gaze floated away to our empty trolley as we talked and she didn't look at me, like she was being serious and regarded physical appearance as an issue not to be taken lightly. In a way, that was true.

"Shibuya's a jungle," she continued. "It's full of girls who have what it takes to look good. I know appearances aren't everything that matters, but acting conservative all the time isn't going to get me a lot of attention. I'm not saying I love to be a celebrity like The Prince where people are always admiring me, but first impressions count, you know? It can give you an edge when it comes to finding work, or a boyfriend… I mean, it's only a slight edge and credentials are the most important thing at the end of the day, but I say you should make good use of every advantage you've got, right?"

In agreement I nodded. "Yeah. People wouldn't notice you immediately if you aren't much to look at. A cruel truth, to be sure…"

"I know, right? I'm single now too, and I really want to get into another relationship soon, so it's essential to stay in shape and look good if I want to get another guy's attention."

"Another guy…" I wondered if it could ever be me…

XOXOXOXOXO

Half of the items on our shopping list were ticked off, sitting comfortably in the trolley. Progress looked solid. I was feeling really good about today. Why was this? There were plenty of reasons, but one of them would be that we were walking side by side so it's almost like we were a couple. Ahaha… Such were the fancies of an active imagination, I guess…

I sneaked a sideways peek at my beautiful friend, expecting to see her smiling and looking very sunny.

Instead, she looked restless. Her fingers were fiddling with her hair one too many times. More than once she adjusted her cap for no reason. And she was stealing glances back at the aisles we just passed. Was something bothering her? Or, worse still… was there a guy who caught her attention? ! Perish the thought!

"What's wrong, Eri?"

"Um… Neku…" She bit her lip and clutched at my sleeve. "There's something I simply have to get. Or rather, a few somethings… If you don't mind, could you come with? I wouldn't be long."

"Sure, I don't see why not. But you don't have to be so nervous about it…"

"Th-Thanks… Um, it's right this way…" I followed her and the place she wanted to go so desperately was a mere few steps away. What was it that was bugging her so, though?

I found my answer soon enough.

As soon as I poked round the corner into the aisle, out of nowhere a giant creature made out of packets of chocolates came hurtling towards me. Panic seized me for a good second or two. What in the world was this monster supposed to be? ! The snack golem took this opportunity to step right up to my trolley before dismantling itself and pouring the pieces of its body inside. I watched, in bewilderment and a very slight amount of horror, as a mountain of its own body parts began to pile up.

So distracted was I by the very sight that I didn't look up. If I did, I might have understood a lot quicker the circumstances and the truth behind this creature's existence.

Eri was in the process of loading junk food into the trolley, and in the snap of a finger I deduced that the mysterious Snack Thing was actually her carrying a whole stack of chocolates. My confusion gave way to exasperation.

"Eri!"

Startled, like she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar, she squeaked, "Y-Yes?"

"May I ask just what is with all this stuff? !"

She gulped visibly and her answer was weak, like she was hoping it would suffice and work for me. "Um… supplies?"

Seeing how my frown wasn't going to go away anytime soon, she switched strategies. She clasped her hands together in a praying gesture, as a very respectful form of apology. "I'm so sorry, Neku! But I simply have to get these!"

"Eri," I huffed, "we're not here to buy candies and stuff. Or have you forgotten why we're here?"

"Of course not. But… whenever I go into a supermarket, I'd always feel inclined to visit the snacks aisle, even when I know I wouldn't be buying anything! The thing is, the moment I get near those chocolates, and they stare at me with those imploring eyes…" – she covered her face in mortal fear – "…I can't stand it! They're just begging me to feast on them! To sink my teeth into their sweet creamy goodness!"

"…Chocolates aren't alive, Eri. They don't seduce people."

"B-But they're so delicious… There's nothing quite like a good solid bar or a bag of tasty, chunky nuggets. Even a simple packet of M&M's is enough to make my day."

"I thought you're the one who was going on about calories and everything."

"Ugh! I… I wouldn't deny that." She had the pained face of someone who had lost a debate. "But I couldn't just leave them alone… They're like my babies."

"…You eat your babies? That's just… no."

Now she was beginning to get fed up with being pushed as far as the feeling of guilt could go. Her hands were balled into fists and they were shaking, not in rage but in desperation. "Okay, fine! You win this round, Neku. I give. However, I must have my daily dose of endorphins that can only be acquired from a helping of chocolate! I have to have some!"

"I get that you love chocolate," I said, "but you know as well as I do that we're here to shop for ingredients. If we spend so much of our money on all this junk, how're we going to even buy the rest of what we need for your cooking lesson later?"

"I… was, um, hoping I could haggle for a discount…"

"This is not some flea market where prices can be negotiated!" I nearly exploded. "It's a freaking supermarket! I'll let you buy just one thing, but you return the rest right this minute, young lady!"

"Ah…! Y-Yes, Sensei! Forgive me, Sensei!"

I had never seen someone move so fast in my life. One second there was a pile of things in the trolley, and the next second, it had been neatly and properly returned to their original places. Now, only a single TimeOut was left, looking all lonely and pitiful.

She looked pretty pitiful herself as I ushered her out of the snack aisle and we finally went back to where we left off. I mean, if chocolate's another one of her love interests, it's only natural she'd be depressed. Heck, she looked like she had just gone through a breakup. I tried to tell myself that it couldn't be helped, but seeing her look so disappointed made me feel very bad about it all. Plus that aura of negativity around her was suffocating…

Ah heck, now it was all awkward. Just what I wanted…

"I'm sorry, Neku," she mumbled sheepishly. "I… lost control of myself back there. You know, with my chocolate cravings and all."

"Uh…" What should I say? "It's true that you did go overboard, but I'm sorry for speaking so sharply to you. Still…"

"Oh, no, see… I was wrong! Y-You were right to tell me off! If I hadn't, then my chocolate-loving self would have taken over and I'd have jeopardized this shopping trip."

Was this one of those weird bipolar personality things? Creepy…

"Well, anyway, Neku… I'm glad you stopped me."

I felt that a win-win was the best way to go about things. "Look, Eri, when we go shopping for ingredients again for future lessons, I'd like you to keep in mind that we've got a limited budget. We can't buy everything. That said, if you're just as crazy about chocolate as you are about fashion… then I guess it wouldn't hurt to increase our budget just a little bit more."

She turned to me with a look of disbelief. "You mean… next time it's okay if I buy some for myself? As in, really really?"

"When I say 'some', I don't mean a truckload, okay? ! We're not the richest people in the world, you know. And most importantly, you need to stay focused on the task at hand!" Man… here I was compromising for her again… not that it's a big problem. It's just that if she knew the slightest inkling about moderation, this fiasco wouldn't have to happen.

Without warning, she pulled me into a hug, happy with my generosity. "Thank you, Sensei! You're the best teacher ever! ! !"

Everyone from customers to sales assistants was staring. This was a situation I had seen many times by now, but it was always embarrassing every single time.

"I told you already, Eri… Stop calling me Sensei! And don't hug me in public!"

XOXOXOXOXO

Our shopping trip went by without any further incidents. So now we were just waiting at the bus-stop with necessities in hand to go back to Eri's house, where our tryst… I mean, cooking lesson would take place.

Of course it wouldn't be a tryst… We weren't even going out. Somewhere in my heart I sure wished as heck it was one though! That'd make things pretty interesting… Mmm… I could see it in my mind's eye now…

"N-Neku!" cried Eri. "I'm so sorry. I burnt the tempura!"

Her failure came as no big surprise, considering how she had no prior experience in the kitchen. And I knew she would improve over time, so some encouragement was in order. "It's no big deal," I said, patting her on the head. "This is your very first time frying tempura. Sure, the result isn't what we're looking for, but it's a commendable effort. You'll definitely get it next time, so keep practicing!"

"B-But… I made a mess of the kitchen in the process! And… And I totally wasted our ingredients!"

"None of that's a big deal. If the kitchen needs cleaning, we can just mop it up. And we can always get more ingredients later. What's important is that you learnt something!"

"Neku…" Touched by my kindness, Eri lurched forward and gave me a big hug. "Neku…! I'm so glad you're my friend! There's no guy better than you are! Marry me!"

I returned her hug and cleared my throat, adopting a debonair tone in my voice to ready myself for the moment of truth. "To be honest, I've wanted to ask you for your hand in marriage for a long time. But since you beat me to it, I shall be graceful enough to give you my answer. So, Eri…" I held her at arm's length, eyes piercing into her soul, and then with neither hesitation nor a single doubt, I took a deep breath and then said the magic words…

WHAP!

"Ow! E-Eri, what's the deal? You just smacked me in the head!"

"Yeah, I sure did," she huffed. "But that's because you had this goofy grin on your face and it was getting unbearable real quick. What were you dreaming about anyway?"

"Um… n-nothing in particular… Yup."

"…You're a strange guy, Neku. And knowing you, you were probably thinking of something perverted."

"Th-That's not true!" I blurted. "I was just thinking about… um…" Oh shoot, I couldn't tell her about what I was daydreaming about! That was a definite no-no! But I couldn't think of a valid excuse quickly enough, so I looked like a fool leaving her waiting too long for my reply.

"Cat got your tongue?" she sighed. "Then I rest my case."

"I-It's not like that at all… Well, never mind, I guess."

I felt her hand on my head as she ruffled my hair. "Now, I'm not necessarily saying being dirty-minded is a bad thing. A bit of lust now and again keeps people happy and their relationships healthy. If no one had any lewd thoughts, humans would go extinct."

"So are you saying you're essential for the survival of humanity? You've got some obscene ways yourself."

Anyone else would have been quite offended by my remarks, but we were so close she knew I was joking and she just laughed. "Ha ha ha! I see you finally recognize just how important I am to the future of our world. When I tease you and do things that you claim are inappropriate, I'm just helping to lay the foundation for the continued existence of our species. How else will we thrive if I don't do my part?" Then she mussed up my hair some more.

Rearranging my wayward hair, I smirked, "Don't mistake your actions for messiah duties and such, Eri."

She was about to come up right away with a retort when she happened to glance past me. Whatever or whoever she saw, it made her smile glaze over and the words just died in her throat. When I turned to look and see what was up, some guy was approaching us.

"I finally found you, Eri," he said. "Having fun?"

Who in the world was this person? He seemed slightly taller than me, and though his frame was lean, he was no living toothpick either, because it looked like he worked out somewhat. His head was swathed in bleached locks, and he had looks that rivaled even The Prince's, the kind that makes girls swoon at first glance. But the frown he wore on his chiseled face was not a nice thing to see and his tone was sarcastic, so I took an instant dislike to him.

Eri shuffled closer to me on the bench but made sure to stay behind me, using me as a shield. Who this person was I didn't know, but it was obvious she didn't like him. With a cold voice she was never heard to use, she spoke to him, "I thought I told you not to come around me. I told you I never want to see your face again."

He wasn't in the mood for niceties either, though he wasn't as harsh as she was. "You don't need to be so defensive around me. Can't we just get along?"

"Eri?" I whispered. "Who's this? Someone you know?"

"He's my ex-boyfriend," she replied aloud, not caring that he heard her. "The one I dumped."

His face twitched at her bluntness. "You didn't have to do that. We had a perfectly okay relationship going, and then you decide out of the blue that we can't be together. It really came as a shock to me."

"Do I look like I care?"

"How could you say that to me? Do you know how long I've been trying to reach you? I just needed to talk to you… But I can't get through your cell at all."

An irritated Eri snapped at him, "I had to change my cell phone number because of you and your stupid five-calls-per-day routine! Do you know how much of a bother you can be? !"

Whoa… He looked even more uncomfortable now, though I was secretly impressed he was even standing at all instead of disintegrating into dust. This ex-boyfriend of hers must have ticked her off badly enough for her to treat him like this. Remind me not to get on Eri's bad side…

He cleared his throat and attempted to get through to her once more.

"Eri, I'm going to be frank with you. I still love you. I'm still crazy over you. And I see you've gotten yourself a new boyfriend, but –"

W-Wait. Boyfriend? ! Was he talking about me? ! His words made me all flustered and by instinct I denied, but I didn't realize I was butting in. "Whoa, hang on," I stammered, growing red, "I-I'm not Eri's boyfriend. I'm just a friend. We're not going out – "

"Tch. Quiet, will you? I'm talking."

I recognized the annoyance in his voice and subsequently clammed up. Perhaps it was better for me not to say anything at this stage. This wasn't any of my business. I didn't need to interfere.

Still, being stuck right in the middle of a tense face-off between ex-lovers really sucked…

"Anyway," he continued, "I've been thinking about things, Eri. I think that maybe I've been wrong, and that maybe I upset you a tad too much. I've changed my ways for the better, so I want you to see and recognize that. I want you to know I'm sorry for everything."

I had a bad feeling. Even if she was angry with him and dumped him, what's to say she didn't have any residual feelings of romance for him?

We see it all the time in movies and manga and TV dramas. The hero and heroine break up on the worst of terms. After countless days of tears and tantrums and flinging plates at the wall, they meet up on the streets by chance. Their sudden meeting is awkward and they still don't like each other. But then the guy apologises because he realizes he was wrong. Suddenly all the memories of their happier times come flooding back to the girl, and she remembers how nice he can be. They make up, and after they promise unending love for each other, they become a happy couple again and walk off into the sunset and a brighter future. And then of course, the credits roll…

But wasn't that kind of situation exactly like what was happening now? ! Sure, there was no sunset right now because it was still morning, but… what if Eri was so moved by his words that she started to like him all over again? ! If they got back together, all of my efforts to ensnare her would be wasted! But as an outsider to this conversation, it would be bad of me to interrupt and protest and shoo him away, so I was pretty much stuck.

Talk about a tough situation!

"Eri," he added with a touch of emotion, "wouldn't you come back to me please? Only you can make me feel complete. I want to be able to spend my days with you in happiness."

Oh no… That was the clincher! The final words that would take a girl's feelings by storm and bend her to a guy's will! The ultimate strike into a girl's heart! I didn't want to see Eri faint into his arms, but it looked like I couldn't do anything. Was my love life with Eri done for? Was this the end? !

Eri was surprisingly quick with her reply.

"Don't wanna."

Huh?

The ex-boyfriend and I were similarly stunned, although you can imagine that our reasons for being so were different. While his feelings now were of shock and disbelief, mine were of relief and growing hope.

"Eri?" he mumbled. "Wh-What did you say?"

"I said I don't wanna go back to you," she said sharply. "Are you deaf? We're through. It's over. So please don't go on about it anymore, 'cause I'm not listening."

The ex-boyfriend was positively outraged and his feathers were ruffled. He demanded, "B-But why, Eri? ! Why wouldn't you accept me? !"

"I just don't like you anymore. 'Nuff said."

"I… I wouldn't accept that kind of answer, Eri! At least tell me where you think I'm wrong and I can change!"

There was a gleam in her eye that flashed dangerously, a sure sign of terrible things to come for anyone foolish enough to incur her wrath. You know what? Eri was standing behind me, but the moment I saw her deathly eyes, I wanted to be the one hiding behind her.

"Oh, so you want me to tell you," she said, her aura growing darker. "You really want to know? Then I'll do just that, and I wouldn't hold back."

I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that, and I wasn't even him.

And hold back she sure as heck didn't. As she spoke, his already battered confidence melted away and he even began to shrink to Lilliputian size. "You call me at least five times a day, and whenever I miss one of your calls you get mad. You wouldn't let me go out and party with my gal pals because you're so paranoid that I'll find a guy and cheat behind your back. There are times when I want to be left in peace to get my homework done or indulge in my fashion design hobby, but you always interrupt me with another one of your calls and invite me out to lunch or a dinner date, and I can't refuse because if I do you'll whine like the overgrown brat you are and say that I don't love you anymore blah blah blah. Seriously, I could go on and on about all of your demerits but I'll stop here because I have better things to do than argue with a control freak with whom I've clearly stated not to get within five metres of me. Now are you satisfied with my answer? I hope you are."

…I almost felt sorry for the poor guy. He was a wreck, cringing from her verbal assault. I thought I could almost hear the sound of his mind snapping.

"No," he seethed, heart bleeding. "No, I wouldn't stand for this!" He directed fiery eyes at me now. "You! You said you're just a friend of Eri's, right? !"

I could tell he was probably up to something and was very cautious about my words. But since Eri had made it clear that his presence was not welcome, I knew that at the very least, she and I were on the same side now, so I purposely made myself sound a little unfriendly in hopes of warding him off sooner.

Arms crossed, I answered, "Yeah. What's it to you?"

"Then you wouldn't mind if I take her for myself," he growled. "You'll see. I'll make her happier than you ever could! So you stay away from her!"

Eri was about to yell at him but I spoke first. "No way."

The sick sneer on his lips was the most unsightly thing I had laid eyes upon since bunny-eared parkas. "Stubborn, aren't we? Fine. Then I challenge you. And if I win… stay away from her."

Eri's right… He was a freak. It was too bad we couldn't just up and walk away from this guy, though. Our bus would arrive in a few minutes and the next one wouldn't come round in half an hour, and we had frozen food that we had to hurry home and toss into the fridge to keep it from thawing. So we just had to bear with him till our ride out of this mess arrived. But while simply escaping was the easy way out, I felt that we'd be seeing more of this guy in the future if I didn't end things here.

And this challenge he was talking about… I didn't know what he had in store for me. Regardless, this was a good opportunity to put him in his place. This was the old shtick that romance films often use to generate suspense: the rival offers the male protagonist a challenge and whoever won would get the girl. Same story here, except, thanks to some quick thinking, I had a plan…

Eri was hurling curses at her ex-boyfriend and basically being very angry, and I didn't blame her. "A challenge? !" she huffed. "Are you crazy? We don't have time for this. Just go away already, will you? !"

"Hang on, Eri," I said. "It's gonna be okay."

"N-Neku? ! What are you saying? !"

The ex-boyfriend let out a short bark of a laugh. He must have thought that he had this match in the bag. "If that's your choice – Neku, was it? – then that's just great. I'll be looking forward to the result! We'll settle this once and for all. If I can't have Eri, then no one else will!"

I had two words for him.

"Shut up."

"Huh!" he snorted. "Well now, a bit of trash talk here and there ain't gonna hurt if we're gonna have ourselves a little showdown – "

"Don't get me wrong, idiot," I grumbled. "I never agreed to your challenge. In fact, keep your stupid matches to yourself."

"What? !" He didn't take my words very well at all and became even more riled up.

A confused Eri could only wait for me to talk and explain myself. The ex-boyfriend was all ears too, to see if he could find something he didn't like to hear so he could give me a good pummeling, I guess. Sure wasn't good to know, but someone's got to do it for Eri's sake and it's got to be me. If I had to take a wallop to the face to protect her, then so be it.

"Are you telling me you're going to let me win by default?" he said. "Ha! You're just a coward!"

"I'm not a coward. I'm just not stupid. And I'm not winning by default or anything. I'm telling you to back off."

"Tch! Trying to act smart, huh? !"

"I don't care what your problem is, but Eri's my best friend, and if you're just going to make her unhappy, I wouldn't let you."

He snarled, "What do you know? !"

That was when I got so irritated I stood up from the bench. He may be taller than me, but it didn't matter and I just raised my voice and shook my fist at him. "She's done with you! Why do you think she dumped you, huh? ! She doesn't want to see you anymore! Listen, pal. Don't ever get near her again – heck, don't ever get near us again. Don't even try. I wouldn't stand for it."

"Threatening me to leave you alone? You think that'll work, punk? !"

"What? So if I call the police right now and say you're harassing us, you still wouldn't think I'm being serious? I mean, hey, it's your funeral…" I nonchalantly reached for my pocket where my cell phone was, and he noticed and stiffened up a little. I could almost picture his hair standing on end. Hope that scared him enough…

Behind me, Eri was clutching onto my shirt tighter. There was a terrible atmosphere as the ex-boyfriend sized me up and glared at me. I mentally braced myself for any abuse he might throw at me; whether physical or verbal, I was ready.

Eventually, he just shrugged and gave a long sigh of annoyance, shaking his head. "Hmph… I'm tired of this. Looks like I underestimated you. Seems like you've got some backbone after all. And the two of you look like you're enjoying each other's company already, so I don't have a chance anyway. Still, Eri, I don't know what you see in this guy."

"He's my friend," she asserted firmly. "And he cares about me deeply. More than you ever did."

He said not a single word more and just gave a grim little laugh that was tinged with defeat. Then he turned to leave, much to our relief, but not before he waved behind in a farewell gesture dripping with sarcasm, and a cry of "Adios, losers!" over his shoulder. I didn't appreciate how he was so rude but it probably stung him more than it did us, so I felt a little bit better about that. We watched him go and when he was finally both out of sight and out of Eri's life forever, the tension just dissolved away. My shoulders slumped like jelly. This ordeal was finally over.

I clasped Eri's shoulders in concern, asking, "Hey, um, are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh! Of course. But… I'm sorry, Neku…" She was most apologetic. "It's because I got mixed up with that freak in the past that you had to endure his nonsense…"

I responded kindly. "Hey, no biggie. Stuff happens in life, be it good or bad. We can't avoid everything, so we just need to deal with it. Besides…" – I gave a small knowing smile – "…I said it before: you're too good for that jerk mullet."

"Jerk mullet… Pfft… ha ha ha ha! Yeah, I remember that!"

Laughter from Eri was always a good sign. "It's the truth. He's not worth your time, and you know it."

"I do know. It's just that I'm having a riot trying to imagine him with a fish's face."

"With whiskers."

"Ha ha ha!" This time she was really slapping the living daylights out of my arm. "Oh, Neku, stop! This is too much, ha ha ha…!"

We had a good laugh about it – people were probably looking but we didn't care – and by the time things settled down, she had gotten over the trouble her ex-boyfriend had caused earlier and she felt much better.

A calmer Eri was wiping the tears of mirth from her eyes. "By the way, when he challenged you to a duel, I didn't expect you to nip the problem in the bud so quickly. I totally thought you were going to accept his challenge, and it'd lead to a really clichéd and overly-long multi-tiered battle that would end in a tiebreaker where you'd win at the very last moment! Nail-biting stuff!"

"Eri," I sighed, "life isn't like some kind of manga, you know…"

"But seriously, you were pretty cool back there. Thank you!"

"Huh? I didn't do much. I just – "

Her finger found itself on my lips, freezing the words in my throat. With a smile, she simply said, "Neku, this is the part where you say, 'You're welcome'. You're an awesome guy, so take pride in yourself. Besides… two words wouldn't cost you anything. Go on, say it. Can you say 'You're welcome', Neku? You didn't get to say it during the last date, so now I want to hear you say it. I insist."

I hesitated. My heart was in knots. She had a way with things… a playful yet sincere way. But, truth be told, I liked it.

Hmmm, might as well.

"Y-You're welcome…"

She giggled. "Good, that's more like it."

"I've been reminded when I was younger to say my P's and Q's," I said, "but this is the first time I've been told to say 'You're welcome'. A bit strange, I'll say."

"Oh well, at least it's appropriate, right? After all, that's what you say when someone thanks you."

And she gave me a wink that further accentuated her carefree mentality. The shivers my heart was feeling almost got out of control. When a person falls in love, everything to do with the person of their affection becomes a potential source of heart attacks… Maybe I should get depressants or something. Nishimura Pharmacy might stock them… Wait, this is all just ridiculous…

"Neku," she announced, "the bus is here."

The bus pulled up and we got on board with shopping bags in tow. Finally, our shopping was done and, consequently, so was the first part of our cooking lesson. But the real challenge was yet to come. Could she overcome the trials of the kitchen and emerge a winner? I was behind her one hundred percent, but I had a feeling this lesson wouldn't be easy for me to teach…

In other pressing matters, she seemed to be stifling a giggle or two. Curiosity got the better of me and I nudged her to get her attention. "Eri? What's so funny?"

Apparently she couldn't hold it in anymore and she let out the loudest "pfft" I had ever heard, followed by laughter that was just as loud. All the other passengers naturally glanced our way, and the stares simply hurt. And I had an aisle seat too, so the first person that lay in their line of sight was me.

In the midst of it all, she chortled, "Jerk mullets! Oh god, Neku, that's a good term you've coined there! The best I've ever heard! It's definitely going into my vocabulary. It's just so hilarious it's awesome! HAHAHAHA! ! !"

"Eri! Simmer down! You're laughing too loudly! A-And please stop punching my arm – ow! OW! ! !"

But as you can guess, it was no use. At least half of the trip home was punctuated by bursts of uproarious laughter from Eri, and we got the evil eye one too many times from the passengers. This was so embarrassing! But she didn't mind one bit. She was too busy laughing.

I was starting to regret ever birthing that very term in the first place. Maybe I should have stuck with plain old foul language…