It has taken a lot of pieces to complete the puzzle. To many actually. Korra can't believe she only noticed it now. She shakes her stupid head and groans when a little rock next to her right foot catches her attention. It's just laying there, simple and still. Nothing to worry about, nothing to prove to the world. Korra bites her lip and wiggles her foot. Without too much thought she kicks the little, innocent rock. It flies through the air and lands close to a tree only to lay perfectly still and happy once again.
Korra sighs.
She wishes she was like that rock. Then she has time and attention. Maybe then she had noticed earlier. Maybe then she didn't this many hints to get the clue. She could have saved heavy sobs and awful flashbacks.
But no. Korra is not a rock.
Some argued that she was like a rock: strong and bold.
But that's not what Korra admires about a rock. Not anymore at least. She was flattered by such a compliment in the past, when she was young and carefree. She always wanted to be as strong as a rock and so she trained hard, ate heaps of food, and saw her trainers' approach to her change from 'Well done Korra!' to…well…'Well done Korra!' but supported by a scared face at which Korra always flexed her muscles. Yep, she showed off and enjoyed it as much. She was strong like a rock.
Then Zaheer happened and-
But she has become strong again, just in a different way than a rock. That's what people tell her at least. The 'Well done Korra!' still exists, now only supported by a soft, at times pitying, face. Sometimes Korra will smile and other times she can't bring herself to react at all. Other's don't know what a whirlwind it has been, not really. They don't know how Korra…with Katara…loneliness…nightm-
She doesn't want to think about it anymore.
What a beautiful tree where the rock is laying.
Korra, the Avatar, came back, beat Kuvira and took care of Republic City. The big tasks were covered. Korra thought that by that everything was covered. Apparently not. Apparently there was a little big task that Korra completely forgot about. Actually you can't forget a task when you don't know about it. So, in fact, she completely missed a task, because of a lack of time and attention.
That's why she admires the little rock's time and attention and not it's strength anymore.
The little big task wasn't something the world depended on. That's why it's a little big task. Little because the world didn't depend on it. Big because two peoples' souls were involved. Korra chuckles shortly. She isn't so sure about whether the world didn't depend on it, because the task was about Asami and one can argue that that girl with her knowledge and sources has a whole world depending on her.
How strikingly familiar that idea feels to Korra.
But that's not what this is about.
It's about the little big task and how Korra failed to recognize it.
She could have recognized it easily though. In retrospect there were many hints, obvious and less obvious. Korra could have seen it at the very beginning. It's a small hint though, but still visible enough that Korra could have made something out of it with a little time and attention.
It was the blueprint hidden under Asami's bed.
For the leader of future industries, owner of many desks and organizers, it's not per se necessary to store blueprints under your bed. It's inefficient even, because the blueprints get dirty and creased easily. No you would keep your paperwork in a drawer, preferably in alphabetical order, so you can grab it to work on without searching for hours. You would only keep blueprints hidden when you don't want people to see them, when there is secret information, right? But that's definitely not something Asami would do as a person and moreover not considering Future Industries complicated history. Korra's sure of that. So what more reasons could there be?
Korra closes her eyes.
She should have said something about the blueprint as soon as she saw a part of it sneak from beneath the bed, but she didn't say a thing, didn't start a discussion and didn't even crack a light joke about it. She was simply too tired after a long day of cleaning streets from piles of debris. Asami kissed her, Korra kissed her back and they snuggled into each other and the far-too-soft-and-expensive-considering-the-situation-of-the-avarge-citizen-of-Republic-City sheets before falling asleep.
Maybe a word or so about the blueprint could have gotten Korra to place other things earlier as well, like the torch that appeared on Asami's nightstand at some point.
After another long day of work Korra found the machine and was fascinated by it, more specifically by its super fancy buttons. The sound of clicking when she switched it on was heaven and Korra discovered it was even more heaven when the clicking happened multiple times within a few seconds. Then there was another button and when Korra pressed that one it produced a slightly different sound, but equally as fun. Then Korra found out that both sounds combined, alternating each other, while applying a musical rhythm was even more fun. That's when she heard the cutest laugh in the world and Asami entered.
"Nice song Korra. You would be an excellent musician."
Korra wanted to put the flashlight away as quickly as possible, but firstly she didn't know how long Asami had been standing in the doorway listening to her, so it could be embarrassing to deny her childlike amusement over pressing buttons, and secondly…this was kind of a compliment right? Maybe she could be a musician once the world would settle down.
"Nice machine," countered Korra.
"She's quite something, huh? It's a sort of flashlight actually, with several additional features."
The tall, composed woman graciously set herself on the edge of the bed next to Korra, who immediately felt extremely self-conscious over her clumsy cross-legged position on the middle of the bed. Soon after Asami pointed at the machine.
"This button controls luminous intensity."
Korra blinked twice.
"Light strength. And here…" Asami turned the flashlight in Korra's hands and took hold of it herself.
Asami's voice was soothing and full of passion for her job as she explained her self-build product. Her fingers held the torch confidently and fit around it's body perfectly. Every now and then they pointed towards a specific component while Asami's used very difficult words.
"So, you wanna try? Here."
Korra looked up. Shit, what did Asami say? What was she supposed to try? Had Korra really missed all of this masterclass 'how to use a flashlight?'
"Eh, sure!"
Korra took the machine and pressed one of the buttons, like she'd done before Asami came in.
"No, silly. This one."
Korra watched as Asami gently took over the flashlight. What a patience this woman had with Korra.
"You know," Korra started while Asami was working on the flashlight, "looking at it with a dirtier mind, this thing has a perfect size and shape for when we-"
"-Korra!"
Korra snickered.
"By the way, it's not waterproof." Asami directed the flashlight to a nearby wall and swirled a ring. Suddenly the flashlight turned the wall in front of Korra redish.
"Wow."
"Cool, huh? The light can change color."
"Wow. Just. Wow."
Korra could feel green eyes stare at her. How those green eyes chose Korra instead of the magic wall to look at remained a mystery to Korra, but she liked it nonetheless.
"You're brilliant," Korra said. The wall was all red and Korra wondered whether there were more colors hidden in this machine, and in Asami.
"You are brilliant," whispered Asami's soft voice and suddenly there was a hand on Korra's cheek and fingers under her chin.
That's when Korra realized her mouth was hanging open. She closed it swiftly and let herself drift away in Asami's lovely eyes.
In retrospect Korra should have asked about the use of the flashlight. Why Asami spent precious time she could have used to rebuild Republic City on making a fancy torch. Maybe then Asami would have told her red light is better to your eyes than blue light and that this torch is therefore friendlier to use in the middle of the night, when you want to read without waking up your partner while you wait to fall asleep. Maybe then Korra had deduced earlier what was the case.
Asami could not sleep.
The torch and the blueprint were only small hints. Korra blames herself for not asking the right questions, but she's also very much aware that she hasn't gotten much chance to pick up these signs. Korra was away a lot, stayed over the night at airtemple island when she worked till deep in the night, and she was tired. She hadn't spent enough time with Asami to see the subtle changes in her behavior.
That's not an excuse.
Korra runs a hand through her hair angrily.
There were bigger, more obvious indications that Asami wasn't doing well. Like that time Korra flew above the Sato mansion and saw some men carrying giant boxes to the garage. Later that day Korra stopped by Asami to eat lunch together, it was the first thing she had remarked when she entered the building. Asami told her that she was building a new car. So Korra reacted all enthusiastic with questions about its color and gadgets. Not being able to drive, yet, didn't mean Korra disliked cars. Asami liked cars, so Korra did as well.
A few days later Korra stumbled upon one of Asami's workers as she searched for her girlfriend on the Sato property. Apparently Asami was out in the city, working on the new buildings.
"Well, thanks for your help anyway," Korra told the worker, "your quite fit as you've lifted those big boxes a few days ago."
The worker smiled politely. "Everything for Miss Sato. Hope she doesn't crash again."
Korra was already making efforts to leave when she let the words dawn upon her. "Crash."
The worker raised his eyebrows as he was suddenly surprised.
"Crash?" Korra asked again. "What do you mean?"
His cheeks turned red and he coughed, visibly in doubt of his next words.
This was not going to happen to Korra. She wasn't going to leave without knowing exactly what this man had meant by 'crash'. She took a step forward.
"Miss Sato crashed her car last week. Technical issues."
Korra swallowed the lump in her throat and followed the worker as he looked over his shoulder at the racetrack in the distance. Next to the route close to a mountain lay a pile of metal sticks and boards. The guardrail at that part of the track was broken as well.
"She didn't tell you?" The worker said.
Korra didn't answer. No one needed to know that Korra apparently didn't know.
Korra did follow up on this sign though…sort of… two days later at Airtemple island. It was after another long day of cleaning the city and organizing food distribution in the camps. They had dinner on Airtemple Island with Tenzin's family, Mako and Bolin, and Asami was there as well. When Meelo threw a fruit pie at Rohan and the whole table was either cheering or crying, Korra asked Asami about the crash.
"The drive shaft suddenly snapped. Hard to stop the car decently when that happens."
"But your inventions never break."
"That's what it might seem like to you."
"Well, they just never do."
"They do, Korra."
Right, but still Korra was sure Asami's products never break and if they do Asami would notice beforehand. She was careful, precise and always checking everything.
"You okay though? No, torn muscles?"
That's when a piece of fruit pie caught Korra's eye and the room burst out laughing.
"That's what you get when you don't pay attentioooon!" Screamed Meelo.
Korra swept the food of her face, climbed her chair, decided Bolin was the guilty one and raised her hand. Was Asami okay though? She looked down and saw Asami laughing along. That was her cue to throw the pie.
That was one of the rare relaxed evenings in the aftermath of Kuvira's attack. Often Team Avatar found themselves apart working on the different projects and leading different groups of people. So a nice fruit pie party was very welcome.
Yet, it prevented Korra from knowing about Asami's injury although she was close. So the discovery didn't happen during dinner, but later that evening during a walk on the island.
Asami and Korra were walking together, away from the Airtemple letting behind the people who prepared to sleep. Something quite wonderful always happens when Asami and Korra find themselves together with the night sky guarding them after an intense day of work. They turn quiet.
No words.
Just eyes, smiles and touches.
Warmth.
Understanding.
Happiness.
Peace.
Asami is the one giving meaning to those words.
That night the stars shone bright behind the tree branches above the couple. Korra looked up at Asami. She knew Asami felt her stare, but that didn't stop her from staring. Because she was allowed to stare. She was the only one with permission to stare, so she would use it.
Eventually she felt a cold hand taking hers and she immediately squeezed it. Asami's company felt nice, simply nice.
As they walked she noticed Asami frowning and…did she just wince?
Korra studied Asami's face. Some parts were quite pale in the moonlight and the shadows of the tree branches made her look somewhat scary.
"Why do you stop walking?"
Oh, had she really? Korra looked around. Yeah she had. Great.
Well, since they were far from the Airtemple with it's disturbing factors like fruit pie, Korra decided to go for it.
"You're in pain?"
Asami backed away a little. "Why?"
Korra took both of Asami's hands in hers. Jeez, could they be any colder? "Are you?"
She didn't want to be harsh, more to the point. Asami would understand that, but her directness had caught Asami of guard as she was searching the ground like the answer was written in there.
There wasn't a verbal answer, but that was enough information for Korra. Asami didn't want to admit it, but she couldn't bring herself to lie to Korra either. "Where?"
"I already had someone checking it. It's okay, Korra."
Something inside Korra twisted. Was it jealousy? Worry? Feeling left out? Why hadn't Asami called her? "Where?"
"I think my shoulder absorbed most of the impact of the crash. It's healing nicely, but it's still not what it used to be. Other than that I'm okay, no broken bones or anything. I was very lucky."
"Let me see."
The two walked towards the edge of the island and sat down close to the water. With some effort and stifled wincing Asami pulled off her jacket revealing a dark red tank top. Korra had already bended some seawater around her hands and fired it till it had reached a nice temperature, so she could start the healing immediately. She put the glowing water around her hands against Asami's shoulder while Asami let out a breath.
It was nice to help her girlfriend, to literally warm her up.
She examined the shoulder. Asami was right. It was healing nicely. Nevertheless Korra put in all effort to do some more healing. The shoulder was a key joint, crucial for a mechanic like Asami. She wouldn't let it affect her. And the extra time touching her girlfriend was a pleasant side effect.
"All done," Korra spoke after a while. She was surprised by the warmth in her own voice.
"Thank you, Korra."
Polite as always.
Korra bended the water away and helped Asami in her jacket. "Why didn't you call me?"
She wasn't sure whether she wanted to hear the answer or not. Whatever the answer was, it would disappoint Korra. Whether Asami didn't have time or whether it was a case of not wanting to bother Korra. Asami could always lean on her.
"Korra…I-"
She sounded nervous.
Korra scratched her sleeve.
"You're the avatar-"
Korra straightened her shoulders, ready to hold her usual monologue.
"-I know what you're going to say," Asami continued, "'that you're the avatar, but that that doesn't mean you don't have time to help me. Yes, I know. But look at you Korra-"
Oh, no. Where was this heading?
A hand on her cheek.
Korra leaned into it. Normally she would have closed her eyes and let herself get carried away by Asami's softness, but she wanted to know what Asami was going to say. She was fully awake and so she kept staring.
"-you're tired. I know you want to help me and I will call when something major happens. But… I know you can't see it yourself, but…everyone just asks you to come and help all the time. You hardly take a break."
"That's not true, I had lunch with you."
Asami lowered her hand as Korra shook her head wildly. It was cold outside Korra noticed now.
"One time this week. And it's not about the exact number of lunches with me or breaks in general. It's about you forcing yourself to work all the time."
"But people count on me. I can't simply neglect them."
"I know."
Korra shook her head. She felt an anger rise in her. How many times hadn't she explained that having a high workload was part of the deal? Asami knew what she signed up for. Korra knew what she signed up for with the leader of an influential company. That's why she knew very well how she wanted to manage it: support each other and let each other in. Asami knew that as well.
Korra had two options now. She could give in to her anger and start yelling or she could show she had learned something in her life.
"I don't understand what you mean Asami."
Black hair waved in the wind and surrounded a beautiful patient face. "You've got so much on your plate, Korra. We both do. I'm just… You've just recovered Korra. Your drive to help people again is only a few months old. I don't want it to disappear. I don't want your happiness to disappear… Again."
Silence.
"It's a real possibility though. Korra. The more you work."
This was not what this night was supposed to be about. Korra wanted to shake her head, but abruptly remembered Tenzin's words of yesterday. 'Take it easy Korra. You can always come here to meditate.' Had Tenzin meant the same thing as Asami? Was Korra working too hard? She had rejected Tenzin's offer to spend the next Saturday meditating by reasoning people in the city needed her working on the restart of some companies.
"I didn't realize… I don't want to scare you. I'm- I'm so sorry." She hated how she stumbled over her words.
"Hey," Asami said all of a sudden.
There was a stroke on her cheek once again, this time it felt wet. Wet?
Nope, she was not gonna cry today.
"It's okay. It's gonna be okay." Two slender arms wrapped around Korra and then her face got buried into Asami's uninjured shoulder. She held Asami as well and let another few tears fall.
They sat like that for a while and it was warm and nice.
After that Korra tried to take a break more often en accepted Tenzin's offer of meditation sessions. Things got better after that. Still Korra hadn't pieced the puzzle together. That only happened much later.
It happened right after one of Tenzin's meditation sessions. Obviously Tenzin would take some credit in this 'figuring out' process. How annoying.
"How are you and Asami doing?" Tenzin spoke.
His teenage daughters clearly predominated the household, inquiring about relationships…. Smooth Tenzin, smooth. "Actually," Korra thought about her next words. She didn't want to provide a too positive or negative picture. She wanted to be honest while not oversharing. "We are not able to see each other as much as we'd like to."
Tenzin hummed. "I can imagine these are hard times for a couple like you."
"Yeah," Korra gave in. She truly hoped better days would come soon. She couldn't wait to fill her days driving with Asami, swimming together, cooking together and wondering what to do next without any pressure. The Sato mansion and all it's facilities smiled on them.
"What do you think of meditation for the two of you together?"
Seriously? "We don't have a relationship crisis! Geez, what are you thinking? By the way, Asami isn't one for meditation. Tinkering with cars is her meditation."
Tenzin hummed again. "Sorry, I didn't mean in terms of your relationship. I know your happy. But you're both working hard." Tenzin folded his hands. "I want you to know Korra that you and Asami are allowed to take breaks. There will always be people criticizing it, but most will understand. Especially after everything you've done these past couple of months. You have no idea how grateful we are."
"There's still so much work to do Tenzin."
"There is."
Korra sighed. A weekend off would be nice, but she's sure it wouldn't be a real break because she would always wonder how the camps were doing, how Zhu Li was doing and whether there were any problems with the spirits.
"You can't work with an exhausted soul. The spirits will feel it."
Her immediate reaction was to say she wasn't exhausted, but in this peaceful moment after another meditation session where she was about to head to the city again, it felt like a lie. "I don't know about it Tenzin."
"Just consider it, sleep on it. We've reached a point where projects are running. We should take this opportunity to breath."
So she pondered the idea. She could take Asami to the spirit world again. They could also stay at the Sato mansion or go to the Southern Water Tribe. All of it sounded appealing. She had to discuss it with Asami. As soon as possible.
So she hopped over to one of the warehouses that afternoon and rushed to Asami who was preparing a demonstration of a type of the humming bird mecha suit. One to help lifting bricks for the none benders so everyone could do their share in building the city.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"You got a moment to talk?"
By the looks of it…no, Asami hadn't. Varrick was pacing around and an audience mumbled in the background. There was a huge crowd outside the warehouse.
Korra scratched her head. Was she really going to do this?
"Yes, what's up?"
Asami folded her arms. She was wearing her Future Industries suit and was all business mode. No wonder she had made it this far. She owned her surroundings. Still she looked like the soft, little girl Korra knew her to be.
They locked eyes.
"How are you? Really? No, stupid short cliché answers."
Korra hoped her worry would come across and beat her boldness.
Asami looked her in the eye and stayed silent for a little too long.
"You need a day off don't you? If not, then I do. Things can take care of themselves for a little while. Let's take a break after this." Korra waved her hand in the air. How was this cool event named? 'New-type-of-hummingbird-mecha-suit-demonstration'? Far too boring for Future Industries.
"That would be great. I'm not- I'm not sure if I can go on with this any longer."
"Asami! The Bony Battleship Demo starts!"
All of a sudden Varrick appeared and pushed Asami away towards a field where an adapted hummingbird mecha suit glittered and shone.
"Bony Battleship?" asked Korra.
"After my father," nodded Varrick.
Since when let Asami Varrick choose the names?
Korra watched as the two leaders of the technical industry gathered in their newest invention after one of Varrick's entertaining speeches. The audience was clapping excitedly. Korra looked around. People's eyes were sparking with hope. Asami had that impact on people.
She was amazing. Simply amazing.
The hummingbird took off. It flew steadier through the air than it did during the fight with Kuvira. It was flying higher and higher till it reached the top of a building nearby. Two grabbers extended and lifted a brick from the roof of the building.
Korra cheered.
A flying machine wasn't a new invention anymore, but seeing a non-living metallic machine flying was something Korra couldn't get used to. It was magic.
And also a little worrying. One technical issue or one powerful attack and the machine could break and hit the ground.
A broken machine? Fine. A broken Asami?
Korra sighed and clenched her clammy fists. She would catch Asami before she would hit the ground obviously, but what about the times Asami would pilot the humming bird without Korra nearby?
After a while the machine landed safely and Korra let out a shaky breath. The audience cheered as the two inventors stepped out. One of which bowed dramatically.
Asami, still wearing her goggles, walked towards Korra. Her legs swayed untypically.
Somehow Korra started to feel nauseous, like her unconscious knew what was coming or recognized the feeling.
A shaking body fell against Korra who held it tight and guided it inwards a warehouse. Asami was a lightweight, but had she always been this light?
They sat down on the floor against a wall. Korra slowly lifted the goggles of Asami's eyes and head to look her in the eye.
Suddenly Korra didn't know what to do anymore. What was going on? Should she just hold Asami? Should she talk? Should she ask questions? Hum a song? She couldn't just sit here with Asami against her. That would be awkward. The last thing she wanted to do was creating an awkward situation.
Then stifled sobs filled the room.
It broke Korra's heart and it broke her out of her trance. She wouldn't become the ignorant, scared outsider she had encountered many times during her recovery after Zaheer. People too scared to ask, to hold her, to talk to her. She grabbed the girl tight, rubbing circles on her back and pressing a kiss on her temple.
"Talk to me Asami," she whispered. She would wait for a response and try another strategy if it didn't work. She pressed her cheek against Asami's head. The hair brushed her skin.
The words were barely there, but Korra listened.
"I haven't slept in weeks. I can't sleep."
Korra nuzzled into Asami's hair even further and inhaled the lovely scent. She felt Asami do the same with Korra's shirt.
Honestly Korra didn't know what to say. How could she not have noticed? They had slept together, right? Or…Korra had been sleeping.
"I panicked up there, Korra. Varrick took over."
Asami sounded lost. She had never sounded that way this much before. It was such a foreign sight and it made Korra tear up. The voice was far away from this world, fragile and insecure, like it didn't belong to the composed, strong and empathic Asami. If the voice was an indicator of how Asami felt, was it really this fragile?
Korra kissed Asami once more, hoping the touch of her lips would transfer her love for this incredible woman.
So, Asami had panicked. High up in the sky, alone with Varrick.
"You're okay, you're here now."
She felt Asami sob against her shoulder. Her tender posture shaking.
"It's gonna be okay."
"He just sacrificed himself. And he knew it."
Korra moved away a little to take Asami in. She understood what Asami was talking about. "Your father."
She felt Asami swallow and move away just a little as well so she could see Korra.
Her eyes were red. Her stare was intense
"Yeah."
"He would be so proud of you," Korra offered.
Asami smiled. "Not if he saw me up there."
"You're tired."
They fell into another embrace.
That's how Korra ended up here. Outside the Sato Mansion with a stupid little rock in front of her in the middle of the night. Asami is back inside. They kissed, cuddled, stared and talked before Korra watched Asami fall into a peaceful well deserved sleep.
After sometime of admiring Asami's sleeping form Korra walked outside to get a few minutes of fresh air and cold so she wouldn't fall asleep easily when she came back in. She has to make sure Asami stays asleep.
So many moments she missed to notice Asami's problems. She wishes she could master time and attention just as much as she masters bending the four elements, for Asami's sake.
"Come lay with me?" sounds a sleepy voice.
Korra looks around.
Oh, Asami in her beautiful nightgown.
The avatar smiles and goes back inside.
As soon as the two were laying back in bed Korra sweeps her arms around Asami to scoop her closer. "I'll stay here with you."
"You're too good for this world," Asami mumbles.
"You are," Korra answers.
"Thank you. For everything. Everything you did today and before."
Korra smiles.
"You shouldn't feel sorry you know. You did everything you could."
Korra swallows. It's hard to believe when you feel guilty. "You deserve more time and attention from me."
Asami shuffles and turns around to run a hand through Korra's hair. "That's not true. You're always there for me. Even when you're not physically there, you here." She takes Korra's hand and puts it against her chest, right above her heart.
Korra watches her hand and looks up at Asami.
"So, Southern Water Tribe?" smiles Asami.
"Everything's settled"
Korra smiles proudly. It will be great, peaceful and cosy. Tomorrow they will leave. She will call Tenzin to get some updates to ease her worries and then she will take Asami to the quietest iceberg that exists.
"I love you," Asami mumbles.
A tear escapes Korra's eyes as she strokes Asami's hair. She will let this girl sleep, give her everything and anything she needs, and after their vacation and Republic City they will sit down and discover the world on their own terms.
"I love you too."
They will get to know each other like never before. Asami will get the best Korra possible.
Korra will work and train. She will do her absolute best to master the element of time and attention. Not for people to say 'Well done Korra!' No, she doesn't want that reward. She wants Asami to be safe with her, to give her a safe place to recover, just as Korra had when she stayed with her parent. Korra will start training today. It's the most foreign training she's ever started. Time and attention. But she will be like a rock again.