Chapter 17
Oh my gosh... I know, I know, you're all hating me right now but stick with me. Heavy reading... We're going somewhere, I promise, read on.
Tegan was floating, no... flying it seemed over a green field with gorgeous flowers. Everything was so colourful, so beautiful. She felt joy... She felt free... The warm breeze caressed her face and ruffled her hair. She could breathe, she wasn't hurting... she was smiling. Am I dreaming? The next moment the scene changed. Tegan was sitting with her back against a large willow tree next to an incredibly beautiful lake. Tegan looked healthy again. Her cheeks plumped up and pink, her eyes sparkling. She breathed in deep, closed her eyes and felt her fingers over the tips of the grass.
"Hey Tee" the voice startled her and her eyes flew open. She blinked a few times and stared in disbelief. I am dreaming! I'm definitely dreaming... but this feels so real. She saw her old friend... her friend that wasn't with them anymore? Corey?" she asked confused. Corey put his arms around her... he felt real... "Hello my friend. How're you doing Tee" he asked. Tegan smiled, "I'm great, why are you ... what are you... It's so great to see you" she said sounding confused. "I guess that's was a weird question to ask you" said Corey with a smile. Tegan looked at him cocking her head to the side, looking perplexed. The smile slowly disappeared from her face. "What do you mean?" She asked. "You're dead Tegan... well you're not dead but your body is... if I'm making sense? Sorry it's the first time I'm doing this" Tegan stared at him in disbelief. "What do you mean I'm dead?" she asked. "Can you remember being sick in the hospital?" he asked holding her hand. "well... I guess... a little" mumbled Tegan. "I'm not dead Corey... I'm fine" she said. "Well, right now you are... how do you explain me being here?" he said laughing. Tegan stayed quiet for a while... "But it's fine.. I'm happy... right now I feel so happy... and nothing hurts." said Tegan closing her eyes. She put her head back against the tree stump and her hands behind her head. She smiled and sighed. "You have to go back Tegan" said Corey softly. "I can't" said Tegan. "They need you Tegan... it's not your time" said Corey. "Maybe it is my time... this feels right Corey. " said Tegan opening her eyes again. Memories from hospital suddenly came rushing back and Tegan's face contracted in pain "I can't Corey, I can't... fight anymore... I can't do it... it hurts too much... I'm too weak" Tegan begged. "Tegan, it's not your time. But it's your choice, you can stay here, where you'll never hurt again and it will be lovely, it really will, no more tears Tee... Or you can go back, it will be tough, you'll have to fight. It will hurt but you'll have everybody you love there for you Tegan. And they won't hurt... If you leave them they will hurt so, so much" said Corey as Tegan stared at the ground. "You need to decide Tegan. Just remember the love they have for you." exclaimed Corey. "But... but you're here and you're happy" said Tegan looking confused. "I didn't have that choice Tegan. I had that choice back in my life but I screwed up. I wish I had the choice now like you do"
Sara was frantic. She was screaming again with her hands in her hair. "Tegan, come the fuck on Tee pleeeese" Sonia was on autopilot – she grabbed Sara by the shoulders and forced her outside. "No mom nooo, I need to be there nooo!" screamed Sara. Abbey helped Sonia take Sara out of the room. Sonia simply put her arms around her youngest and held her tight outside. Sara was shaking. Sonia tried to focus on the one child she could do something for right now.. Sara.
Another minute of CPR and adrenaline followed. Lindsey felt numb, she was glad that Erin's arms were supporting her. Her legs felt like giving out any minute. Lindsey stared at Tegan's stomach popping in and out as Teddy pumped on her chest. "We're still in V-fib let's shock her again at 360" said Kate sounding more and more panicked.
Sara and Sonia was in a waiting area, away from the images that will probably be burnt into the minds forever... Sonia refused to let go of Sara, trying to physiclally anchor her child. Suddenly Sara jolted as if a bolt of lightning ran through her. She didn't understand what that was... it hurt and suddenly her chest felt as if it was being crushed. "Tegaaaaan" she moaned.
"Clear – shocking". All eyes on the monitor. "No change, continuing compressions" said Kate dejected as she started pumping on Tegan's chest again. "Another round of epi and let's try some adenosine" she yelled. "Come on Tegan, come on, come on" she said in the same beat as her compressions. Kate was now sweating profusely. A nurse came back with more blood test results and Kate ordered different drugs. They got pushed into Tegan's lifeless body immediately.
"I don't know what to choose Corey... help me choose." Said Tegan. "I can't choose for you Tegan" said Corey looking into her eyes. "But you need to choose soon Tee or that choice will be made for you"