Chapter 21
Sara walked into Tegan's room nervously. Erin had her hand on the small of her back and it comforted her a bit. Her eyes flew up to the heart monitor immediately and she let out a sigh of relief when she saw spikes and heard rhythmic beeps. Sonia put her arms around her and held her tight. "She's okay Sar, she's okay" she whispered. Tears rolled down Sara's cheek as she looked at her twin. "Are you all right sweetie?" asked Sonia concerned. "I'm fine if Tee's fine" she smiled weakly. Sara walked over to Tegan's bed and took her hand. "Hey brother..." said Sara using her childhood nickname for Tegan. She stayed quiet for a minute trying to compose herself. "You're okay Tee, you're okay... You scared the fucking crap out of us, but you're going to be fine. You're a scrapper. You're fighting and you're winning Tee. Just keep going okay, you're gonna beat this. I've never believed in anybody as much as I believe in you Tegan"
A few hours later Sara was still sitting next to Tegan's bed holding her hand. It was 3 in the morning. She was so tired but every time she nodded off images of Tegan being shocked ripped through her subconscious. "Sara, are you still awake?" whispered Sonia from her reclining chair. "Yeah... I can't sleep, but I'm fine mom, go back to sleep" whispered Sara, careful not to wake Lindsey who finally went down about 30 minutes ago. Sonia got up from under her blanket and took Sara's hand. "Come..." she whispered. "I don't want to leave her mom" said Sara looking up at her mother. "She'll be fine Sara, you need to get out of this room for a few minutes. Come with me" Sara hesitantly got up and walked out of the room holding her mom's hand like a five year old. Sonia led her to a waiting room where they found Erin sitting with her legs pulled up to her chest and her chin on her arms, resting on her legs. She was staring out in front of her, deep in thought. "Stay here Sara, I'll be back in a minute" whispered Sonia. "Hi E" said Sara sitting next to her. "How're you doing Sar?" asked Erin turning her head. "I'm okay... A bit embarrassed but fine..." Said Sara looking at the ground. "Huh... Why are you embarrassed?" asked Erin perplexed. "For shouting at you. For acting like a lunatic... You know... I'm sorry" said Sara blushing. Erin just looked at her confused. "Erin, Thank you... for staying with me... For calming me down. For just being here... I... I'm so happy that Tegan has you as her best friend, because I swear there's no better best friend in the world... I'm happy to share my best friend with you... and I'm so happy that you're... my friend too... You're so important to us... I just want you to know that" said Sara sincerely in the dimly lit room. "Sara... Thank you... I don't know what to say... I'm so... I'm honored that you've all taken me as part of your family. I love you guys all so much and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you... We're soul family and family is there to take shit when they need to. And you didn't act like a lunatic Sar, you don't have to apologize. I didn't even think about it twice... We're cool" said Erin holding her fist out. Sara touched it with hers "Cool... Thanks again Erin" said Sara and hugged Erin tightly. "Where's Alex?" asked Sara. "He's sleeping on the couch of the other waiting room, finally nodded off a few minutes ago" said Erin. "I'm so happy he's here. You need somebody to support you because God knows all you've been doing is support us..."
Sonia walked into the room holding a small tray with three cups. "I've managed to get us some warm milk and honey from the nurses, maybe it will help us all unwind a bit" she said. "Thanks Sonia, those nurses love you! I need some air" said Erin grabbing her jacket. "That's a great idea! Wish those nurses had some whiskey too" said Sara jokingly and followed her. "Don't push it rock star" said Sonia smiling. Erin chuckled. They all walked onto the balcony of the visitors room. Sara held her arms out wide, threw her head back and breathed in deeply. "I'm grateful tonight that I can breathe... and I'm grateful that Tee is okay" said Sara. "Cheers to that!" said Erin. "To Tegan" said Erin holding her cup up. "To Tegan" repeated Sara and Sonia. "To health, happiness, family and friendship" said Sara.
That sat quietly on a bench in the cool February air watching the LA lights sparkle. "I need to tell you guys something..." said Sara, suddenly sounding emotional. "Today... when Tegan... Oh God I can't even say it..." said Sara with her face in her hands. Sonia put her hand on her thigh and squeezed it. "It's okay Sara... take your time..." Sara stayed quiet for a minute, taking a few sips of her warm milk. Her heated breath made small clouds and she looked at it, contemplating the wisdom of sharing this with them. "You know how everybody always asks us if we have any weird twin... things going on? Well... I never thought we did, ever, but today... I swear I could feel it when they shocked Tegan... I felt those shocks run through me, even when I wasn't in the room anymore... Especially when I wasn't in the room? I couldn't see it or hear it but i felt it. It was the weirdest thing... I..." Sara trailed off shaking her head. "Oh sweetie... I know... I felt you jolt and I cold see you were in pain but I assumed it was emotional pain. It killed me seeing you in so much pain" said Sonia sounding emotional. "Maybe it... I don't know maybe it was all in my head... I guess it was... But I felt physical pain. I felt those shocks and it felt as if somebody was pumping on my chest... My lungs and my heart felt as they wanted to explode. And I lost it... I lost it... I couldn't stand the thought of..." Sara started crying again. "I don't know if Tegan could feel anything... I guess not... But if she could... I never want Tegan to feel that pain again" she said softly looking at the floor. Erin felt her eyes burn and tears break free from her eyelids. She got up. stood behind Sara and put her arms around her shoulders and squeezed her tight. Sara put her hands over Erin's. Erin brought her head down to right next to Sara's, still holding her tight. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that Sara... I can't imagine how difficult... How utterly traumatizing that must have been. But you know, maybe you took Tegan's pain when she couldn't. Maybe you carried her through it"
A/N: Probably the soppiest chapter ever... femotion... Remember to pop me a review please!