Chapter 22
The next few days were pretty uneventful. Tegan remained in stable but serious condition. Every day felt like Groundhog Day. Everybody started settling into Tegan's daily routine. She would receive a sponge bath in the morning, x-rays and CT scans an hour later, rest for 2 hours, physical therapy for an hour, rest for 2 hours, more physical therapy, more scans and test to ensure that the ecmo machine was working as it should and that Tegan wasn't forming any blood clots, and so it went on and on. Lindsey was starting to wonder how Tegan could get any rest with all this commotion going on around her. But, something must have been working because every morning when Tegan came back from x-ray and CT Kate had a smile on her face. Every day Tegan made progress, some days very little and at a snails pace but she was slowly fighting her way back.
The support team helped as much as they could with Tegan's physical therapy. Arizona said that it was good for them to do something physical for Tegan if possible. she wanted them to feel as if they were of some use. The therapists let them help where they could, knowing that physical touch by a loved one is as important as any other treatment. The support team mostly helped to move Tegan's arms and legs up and down, left and right, around in circles, all to keep her muscles and tendons loose. Sara put lip balm onto Tegan's pale lips a few times a day. Erin massaged cuticle cream into her fingernails. Lindsey rubbed lotion into her skin every day after her sponge bath. She enjoyed being able to touch a little bit more of Tegan than her hand and looked forward to this bit of physical touch every day, lightly massaging her soft skin with both her hands. "All I want to get is... a little bit closer... So let's make things physical." Lindsey sang to Tegan every day, and every day it made Lindsey chuckle. Lindsey felt the hair on Tegan's legs grow longer every day. "Tegan's going flip when she sees this. She hates hair on her legs" said Lindsey to Sonia laughing.
The therapists massaged Tegan's entire body a few times a day to improve circulation and prevent bed sores. The medical team continued to treat Tegan's lungs aggressively with drugs and a variety of other treatments. None of the support team left the hospital. Somebody was next to Tegan's side at all times, whenever possible. Every day they played Tegan her favourite music and read her some mail. Sara told everybody that she was sure that Tegan's vital signs improved every time they played music. Sara was sending regular but very vague website updates on Tegan's condition. The media continued to hound them, especially now that they knew that two A-list actors were in the hospital and haven't left since they got there. As a result none of them opened their e-mail or their text messages any more. They left it all to Jeremy, Tom and Erin's assistant. They were however sending regular updates to all of Tegan's many friends and family. The lack of outside contact was kind of like being stranded on an island. Nobody else was allowed to see Tegan and they asked respectfully that no more friends come to the hospital. Tegan's fan made shrine outside grew every day. Flowers, cards, letters, gifts.
Sara was reading Tegan some mail while listening to some music. A new heap of mail just arrived from Jeremy, mails from their email account. Mails from so many of their close friends. All of them expressing the desire to be there but respecting their decision not to allow further visitors. Sara read out the letters one by one. Long, beautiful, sincere emails from a variety of family and friends, famous and none. Musicians, producers, peers, crew, band mates... You can have Manhattan, I know it's for the best, I'll gather up the avenues and leave them on your doorstep, And I'll tip toe away, So you won't have to say, You heard me leave she heard Sara Bareilles' gorgeous voice softly over the speaker and stared out in front of her. She loved that song, she hated that song... it reminded Sara of her... of the one person she should have hung onto for dear life but didn't. She thought about that girl often and especially during the last few days. She Felt a sudden pang of longing in her chest. She hastily pressed the remote control's forward button looking annoyed. Ted walked in and helped Sara read some more letters. Sara picked up the next email and her heart jumped into her throat as she read the name in the from field. She swallowed deeply, eyes wide and folded the paper up without reading. Ted gave her a weird look. "Empty page... don't know what happened there..." mumbled Sara, lying. For the next hour the page felt as if it was burning a hole in her pocket.
Sara finally found herself alone. She was sitting in the emergency stairwell holding the folded up piece of paper. She studied the creases of the folded page intently. She didn't know whether to tear it up or read it. She opened the paper, her hands were shaking. "Dear Tegan" the note started. It was a beautiful letter of encouragement and love sent from one friend to another. She always had a way with words, thought Sara. After the note to Tegan the letter had some blank lines and then continued... "My dearest Sara" As she read the first line, tears started seeping from her eyes. Sara started rocking, she wiped the warm tears with the back of her hand and tried to get the swimming words back in focus. "I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't even imagine your pain. It kills me thinking about either one of you hurting, physically or emotionally. I wish I was with you, I wish I could hold you and take your pain and your fear away. I would get on the next plane to LA if I knew you wanted me there. I've been sending you so many texts and emails but I haven't had any reply. Please don't push me away Sara, we've been friends too long to let one night get between us. I don't want to lose you. I care too much for you. Please phone me, I just want to talk. Give Teegs a big hug from me and send her my love. I miss you. Sending you love and light xxx" Sara stared at the name at the end of the printed out email... Emy.