Chapter 23
The bruise on Tegan's face had changed colour and was now a deep purple with some greenish spots where it was starting to heal. The swelling was almost all gone. Tegan looked frail having lost a lot of weight. Her nutrition was increased during the last few days and she seemed to at least hold her weight steady and not dropping any further.
Erin was somewhere in the hospital getting some physical therapy for a strained neck muscle. She was resisting getting help for the last day or two but it got so bad that she could hardly turn her head and she moved like a robot. "That's what you get for being in a constant muscle spasm... and not getting it sorted out earlier... and sleeping in chairs... and not getting proper rest" Kate scolded Erin earlier. Sara and Sonia made a decision to both go speak to Arizona together. They tried their best to work through this thing and come out the other side still sane! Lindsey was sitting next to Tegan's bed in a sunny spot left by the winter's sun peeping through the open blinds. She was writing in a book when Alex entered. "Hey Linds, how's the patient doing this morning?" he asked. "She's doing okay thanks Al, not much to report... Kate wants to talk to us about something but she got called into emergency surgery. She said it's not urgent and we don't have to worry but..." Lindsey trailed off. "I'm sure it's nothing serious, Kate wouldn't tell you it's not a big deal if it was. Hey what's this?" asked Alex pointing to the journal in Lindsey's hands. "It's a journal we're keeping for Tegan. It was Erin who suggested it. We write down everything that's happening to her, or we write messages to her or sometimes we just write what we're feeling. We all know Tegan and we know that when she wakes up she's going to have a million and a half questions, she's going to want a full report and I don't think we're going to remember anything... There's so much happening every day" said Lindsey smiling. "I guess it's also a great form of therapy for all of you?" said Alex with his hand on Lindsey's shoulder. "Yeah... It is... " said Lindsey softly. "How are you doing Linds?" asked Alex. "I'm okay, tired and throwing up a hundred times every morning but I'm fine. I'll take the morning sickness any day knowing that it's a baby causing all of it. God Alex... Tegan wants a baby so, so bad. She will be so over the moon when she finds out. So happy... I can't wait to tell her." said Lindsey sounding emotional. "So, when are we going to see a mini Alex or Erin running around? This one needs a friend" asked Lindsey smiling. "Soon I hope... we're trying... well obviously we haven't 'tried' in a while but you know... soon" said Alex. "Mmmm – Hospital supply rooms are not as comfy and romantic as they look on TV?" laughed Lindsey. Alex chuckled and looked at Tegan's Kids 50 tattoo peeping put from under her arm "Does this mean Tee wants 50 kids?" He asked jokingly. "Probably!" smiled Lindsey. "You guys should go home and get some rest, just get out of here for a while. It's Valentine 's Day tomorrow. I'm sure you don't want to wake up in a hospital. And Erin's completely finished; she's been a rock for us. She needs a break" said Lindsey. "Aren't you all exhausted and drained?" asked Alex with a raised eyebrow. Lindsey just kept quiet and looked at Tegan's "The world just strips away" tattoo. Are you going home for a rest?" asked Alex. "No... I'm not going anywhere" said Lindsey. "Then neither are we" said Alex smiling and squeezed Lindsey's shoulder.
The support team were all summonsed to the waiting room. Sara was nervously pacing the room with her arms folded when Kate entered. "Hi guys" she said "Don't look so nervous!" she smiled. Sara dropped her arms to her sides and sat down next to her mom. "Tegan's doing well under the circumstances. If all continues to go well we may be able to start weaning her off the ecmo in a few days. She's stable, everything's as expected at the moment. Now... We would like to try and wake Tegan up today. It will be very brief but we need to check her neuro function. Her head CTs and all her other tests all keep coming back normal but her heart stopped beating for almost 10 minutes after all and her oxygen levels were very low. Sara sighed loudly and put her head in her hands. "Do you think there's a problem Kate, is Tegan going to wake up, is she going to be okay, will her brain be okay" Lindsey was rambling and felt those familiar tears roll down her cheeks. "Hey, hey Linds... shhh it's okay, she's okay. So far everything looks fine, but we just need to check and make sure. I suspect that it won't be more than a bit of confusion, perhaps some intermittent memory loss, some mood swings but I don't think it's serious. Dr Shepherd is the best neuro surgeon in the country, she's in great hands. I think it's a good idea for you to be there when she wakes up, she needs to see some familiar, loving faces, but I need you guys to stay calm please. Only one person can talk at a time here. Don't confuse her, don't get her worked up. She's going to be groggy, confused and scared. She'll probably be in a some pain as we'll need to ease up on the pain meds if we want her to wake up. Lindsey, I want her calm. It's important that she stays calm! So I think it's better if you don't tell her your news now" said Kate, Lindsey nodded and swallowed hard. "When she wakes up I want only ONE person at a time to speak to her. I repeat, try not to confuse or agitate her. When we ask, I want you to keep quiet until we've done our assessment. You can speak to her again for a minute or two, thereafter we're putting her under again."
Sara, Sonia, Lindsey and Erin sat next to Tegan's bed waiting for her to wake up. It's been hours since Kate's removed Tegan's sedation and she was still not stirring. She had some new electrodes, this time on her forehead an temples To monitor her brain activity throughout the process. "Come on Teegs, wake up sweetie" said Lindsey while holding Tegan's hand. "This is taking too long... Why's she not waking up? It's taking too long... something's wrong" said Sara starting to breathe fast. "Nothing's wrong Sara" said Dr Derek Shepherd. His voice was calming and soothing. "Just give her some time... give her time" Sara was pacing up and down again. She needed a way to get rid of her build up energy, adrenaline and frustration. Walking up and down wasn't doing the trick. Sara could feel the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She walked to the end of the bed and held on the metal bars at the feet. She shook it hard twice causing Tegan's head to loll around slightly "Wake up Tegan! Wake the fuck up!" Sonia turned to her looking upset "Sara, don't do that! No! Calm down... We need Tegan calm so settle down!" she said strictly. "I think she's waking up guys" exclaimed Lindsey.
Tegan became aware of her body first. Pain seemed to come slowly, from a distance and then it suddenly hit her like a punch in the gut. Where am I? Everything hurts... Where am I? Tegan tried to move, tried to open her eyes but she couldn't. She felt something going into her mouth and throat. Something else down her nose, it was uncomfortable and she wanted it out! She tried to cough but she was too weak. She heard beeping, hissing, clicking... what is that? The sound of footsteps... something shaking... "Wake up Tegan! Wake the fuck up!" somebody screamed. Sara? Tegan forced her eyes open halfway, they were drooping. Light flooded into her pupils. Blurry images slowly came into focus.
"Tegan, it's Kate. Look at me Tegan, open your eyes buddy" said Kate calmly stroking Tegan's hand. She nodded at Lindsey to start talking "Tegan baby, it's Lindsey... Hey, There you are... Hi sweetie. You're in the hospital Tegan. But you're okay. They're taking really good care of you, everything's okay" Tegan stared into Lindsey's eyes. "She's not fighting the vent, BPs holding, pulse is up" said Derek. "Tegan, everybody's right here with you... Just say calm, we're going to look into your eyes and do a few tests okay. Just relax for me" said Kate gently. Lindsey was stroking Tegan's hair softly.
Tegan didn't understand what she was doing in a hospital. Her brow furrowed. Memories slowly started coming back to her though but she felt confused... Everything hurts...What's going on?... So tired.... Light was blinding her eyes. Lindsey's hand in her hair comforted her a bit. "She was too weak to move. She tried to do as commanded but the male doctor. The light went in and out, in and out of each eye. "Follow the light Tegan... now follow my finger" said Derek. Tegan followed orders although she was struggling a bit. "Can you squeeze my hand Tegan" said the gentle sounding male doctor as he took her hand in his. "Squeeze my hand Tegan" he asked again. Tegan tried with everything in her to move her fingers but she was just too weak. Kate looked up at Derek with concern in her eyes. "Tegan, squeeze the Doctor's hand – come on focus" said Sara loudly. Everybody in the room stared at Tegan's hands, her fingers moved and she squeezed Derek's hand weakly. "Yes! That's it Tee" exclaimed Sara.
Tegan felt dizzy but she didn't want to close her eyes. She wanted to see these faces. She needed to see them. Her mom, Sara, Erin and Lindsey too turns to talk to Tegan. They all spoke softly and calmed her with their gentle, loving words. Tegan felt calm again, she started to feel safe again. She didn't register much that was being said but she heard her loved ones and she saw their faces. Their tired, worried faces... did I do this to them? They look worried... I did this to them.... "Time to go back to sleep Tegan" said Kate smiling. "You're doing great Tegan, we've got you alright! Just keep on keeping on, my star patient." said Kate winking at her friend. "Love you buddy. See ya on the flipside" said Kate. Everybody else took turns to say goodnight. Kate turned open the IVs and Tegan felt herself slowly slipping away.