She Comes And Goes As She Pleases (Part 20)
by BrDPirateMan
This morning I awoke to a surprise.
Eri was in my bed. Naked. Not a single thread on her.
And here I was asking myself: how did this happen? Where was her underwear? How did they come off? Or rather, why?
Was it because last night she and I had… rrrgh, it gave me goosebumps to say the word!
I didn't quite know how to describe the feeling that was ballooning inside of me. Was it horror or confusion? Questions I never thought I would come to ask myself surfaced in my head. Who started it? Did I really force myself on her somehow in my sleep? But that's ridiculous… not to mention impossible. Plus, I was still fully clothed when I awoke this morning. That alone was the most obvious sign that I definitely did not do anything… right?
Was this part of an elaborate prank to give me a nice big shock when I woke up? Maybe nothing happened, but she just made it seem that way. It'd be nice if I was sure it was a joke, but I had the feeling I would be proven otherwise.
But I trust her. Outside of her foolish ways and careless mannerisms, Eri's a good girl at heart. Some may see her as a tramp who likes to play around but I've been her friend for long enough to know that she's so much better than what they think.
So then if it wasn't her, it would have to be my fault after all? I didn't know what to make of this one bit.
That aside, she was cute all curled up like that… like a sleeping angel, sans the wings… and the harp… and, well, everything else…
Gah! That's it! Using every last ounce of my will, I forcibly swiveled my head away so that I was looking at the wall. I even had to use both of my hands to twist my head in the right direction, like something out of a cartoon. That seemed to ease my troubles, even if it was by a meager amount.
Only problem was, there was a mirror on that wall, and she was reflected in it! Yikes! So I tried looking up at the ceiling.
But I couldn't. My neck was sprained from sleeping on it funny last night. It hurt simply to lift my head upwards, and craning it even one inch was bad enough to force me to stop trying. So my only option was to turn completely away from her.
Knowing that my best friend was still snoozing right behind me with a misplaced bra and panties made it very hard for me to keep my cool though! Y-You understand, don't you?
I decided to retire to the kitchen for now. It was a better place to be in than my bedroom and I could leave Eri in peace until she woke up by herself, with the added benefit of giving me some time to reflect upon this situation.
But I couldn't even get my butt off the bed before I heard a yawn from behind me. My whole body froze. Eri had gotten up! By instinct, I took a quick peek over my shoulder, just in time to catch sight of her sitting up and stretching her arms out, that taut body of hers arching like a gymnast. Goodness… The soft glow of sunlight as it seeped through the curtain and kissed her skin… it was like she was bathed in a resplendent, ethereal aura. She was the most beautiful thing I had laid my eyes on…
…but she was still wearing nada! Believe me, I was trying my very best not to bleed rivers from my nose.
"'Morning, Neku!" she chirped. "How are you feeling?"
"H-Huh? Okay, I think…" It was everything but okay!
"Looks to be a nice day out, so I'm feeling extra generous today. C'mon, let me give my best friend a hug to start the morning on a fresh note!"
"Wha…? ! Wait, you can't – !"
"No arguments. Hugs are not meant to be denied. Now, Neku…" She crept closer like a panther on the kill. "…resign yourself to your fate!"
And she pounced. Too slow to defend myself and too clumsy to dodge, I could do nothing for myself except to take the full brunt of her attack. Her lunge slammed right into me like a battering ram, and I lost balance, teetering on the edge of the bed. Because of this, she fumbled with her embrace and the two of us went over, capsized onto the floor together with a thud – I had it worse because I connected with the floor first, but I broke her fall so it's good that she wasn't hurt much. Still, it was not the best way to start the morning…
Now the back of my skull hurt in addition to my neck. In light of the compromising position I had found myself in, however, I had no time to think about the pain. Eri had fallen on top of me and was now sitting on my lap. I knew my nose was going to act up sooner or later…
"Neku, oh my gosh," she gasped, "are you okay? You made one heck of a thump. Does it hurt?"
"Th-This… is nothing. I'll be – "
"Don't tell me that!" Now she was cross. "You hit your head and you know it! Don't act all manly over things like this! I think you grazed your cheek a little too. Let me take a look!"
The next most unbelievable thing happened. She actually got down on all fours along the length of my person so she could examine my face up close and in greater detail. Every inch of her unclothed body could be felt through my clothes and it was a full-blown assault on the senses. Knowing her, she was totally innocent and meant no harm, but her perpetual lack of decency made it tough to fully appreciate her concern.
"Eri, hang on!"
"Hold still!" she commanded sternly, locking my face into place with her hands. She moved a little closer, her breasts got a little squishier on my chest, and my nose got a little… runnier.
"Gah. Eri…!"
"Look at you. You're not fine at all… You're even bleeding! It's because of your injury!"
"No!" I spluttered. "It's because you're still naked! For goodness' sake, please put something on! Anything!"
Morning grogginess has a way of reducing peoples' alertness and intelligence levels during the first few minutes of waking up. I could see why it took her a few moments for the truth about her state of total undress to sink in.
It fazed her none. "Never mind about me! I'm more concerned about you, even if you don't care about yourself in the slightest!" Then she continued to play amateur medical practitioner, doing nothing useful and wreaking havoc on my senses.
"I… I can't take this anymore…"
My nostrils were seconds away from blowing sky high. But I didn't want to smear her pretty face with gore. Ignoring the pain in my neck, I tilted it away just enough so she wasn't in the trajectory. And my crowning masterpiece of a nosebleed sailed through the air in a red arc. Beautiful… Almost poetic if I do say so myself, if more than a little morbid.
If Eri wasn't shocked by the sight, she might even agree with me.
XOXOXOXOXO
Over breakfast she apologized for her outrageous behaviour. "Sorry for pushing you down and getting you hurt, Neku… I wanted to give you a hug, is all…"
"Closeness and camaraderie are okay in my book, but you could do with a bit more polish."
"Ehehe… sorry."
Why was she in a good mood? Wasn't she aware of what might have happened in the night? Could it be that she knew but it didn't fully hit her yet? She was being very cheerful and nonchalant for someone who may have… you know, with me. Supposing that was even possible in the first place.
Whodunnit? The truth was something I'd rather not hear, but for our sake I had to know.
"Eri," I muttered, hesitating a lot, "can I ask you something?"
Through a mouthful of rice and miso soup she mumbled yes.
"Did we… um…" Dammit, how should I say this without sounding too direct… "Well, do you remember anything from last night? M-My memory is kinda hazy…"
"You mean around bedtime?"
"Th-The whole night. If you could tell me, I'd much appreciate it."
"Gee… Ahaha…" She's blushing… "For me to recall it is a little embarrassing… what with all the talk about you being my favourite and stuff…"
"I-It's fine! We're… We're best friends, right?" I wasn't doing a good job at sounding normal. "So you can tell me anything!"
"Hee hee… Not everything…" Her eye glinted with mischief. "A woman has to have some secrets, or she wouldn't be mysterious! A little mystery goes a long way in ramping up a girl's sexiness." I wouldn't argue with that, but now wasn't the time! The main aim was to get to the bottom of this matter, but if it turned out to be a bottomless pit…
"I just think I might have missed out on maybe one or two things. It'd be great it if you could fill me in."
That mouthful of food took longer to chew while she took her sweet time thinking. Her eyes were to the side in deep thought. Was such a thing really that hard to recall? Or maybe, if it did happen, it was too embarrassing to say? How the seconds tortured me so as they ticked away! But she did speak up at last.
"Mmm, there's nothing that comes to mind, honestly. We talked, and then dozed off… That's it."
Was it really just that? If Eri's memories could be counted on, then I was safe –
"Oh yeah, there is one little thing, Neku. Last night, you made me hurt a bit."
The whole world went white.
But that wasn't all. In addition to that, she also said, "It's because you were so stiff."
The whole world went whiter.
It was still nigh-impossible trying to envision how it could actually happen, but even as my mind was starting to twist the possibilities into more and more complex ways, one fact remained true: I was the one who started it. It was official. And of course, that was more than bad. There would be responsibilities to take care of later too. I took something that was very important to her, and I can never give it back… How could I have been so selfish?
"Neku?" said a concerned Eri. "What's wrong? You're pale. Are you not feeling well?"
"…I'm just a little lethargic."
She brushed her hand over my forehead. "You don't have a fever, but you look terrible. Why don't we postpone today's cooking lesson so you can take a rest?"
Oh, right, today was Saturday. Every Saturday, Eri and I would follow the same ritual: head to the local supermarket to buy food, return to her house, and there I'd teach her a new recipe to add to her personal cookbook. Or we might cook something she had learnt before as part of her revision, so she wouldn't forget how it is done. But given how she diligently practices in the kitchen during her free time, I didn't have to worry too much. She was shaping up to be pretty good at it.
"Hey," she said, "if something's the matter, you can tell me. I'm always here for you." And she smiled sweetly.
I'm always here for you…
I'm always here for you…
I'm always here for you…
Those cute eyes of hers she looked at me with didn't ease my troubles one bit and only served to make me feel even worse. Pangs of guilt pierced my gut like spears.
"N-Neku, you don't look okay…"
"I'm A-OK!" I even flexed one of my arms to show her, but it wasn't very convincing because of how scrawny it was. "Oh, sorry for cutting you off… what were you trying to say?"
"I was going to ask you if we're good for grocery shopping later."
"O-Of course I am. Same as usual every Saturday, right?"
"Hee hee… You're excitable today. That's a good sign. I have a feeling today's lesson is going to be killer!"
First things first, as horrible as this situation was, I had to clear my head and think properly. My neurons were too clogged up with worry. I figured that going along with our cooking lesson might help clear away the dark clouds, even if it's just a bit.
Little did I realize, there would be numerous pitfalls along the way to constantly remind me of my predicament…
XOXOXOXOXO
Eri was staring at the contents of our shopping trolley, her frown speaking volumes about her confusion. "Neku? Um… do we really need these?"
"Sure… why not?"
"But aren't we cooking omelettes today?"
"Uh-huh."
"I'm not the cooking expert here, but even I know we don't need canned fruits… or do we?"
That was the third time my mind refused to work the right way in ten minutes! I had been stuffing our trolley with useless things that we wouldn't ever need. That's what happens when you can't get rid of a certain little (big?) problem enough to focus. It was always floating around, taunting me. If I did it with Eri, could it be that right now she was…
"Whoa, Neku, if you're really not up for today, you should have said so. You don't look sick or anything, but you should rest when you're tired."
"Eri," I said, "thank you for your concern. But I'm okay, I think…" I hastily scooped the can out of the trolley and back onto the shelves.
"'I think' is a dangerous expression. Maybe we should buy some medicine while we're here?"
Better not make her panic now. "Don't worry too much about me, Eri… I think."
Eri snorted. "That's one heck of an oxymoron, Neku."
"S-Sorry. Anyway, we'll be okay."
"If you say so."
She was in a good mood, acting like nothing really big happened. Maybe she didn't think much of it. Maybe she's one of those honest, open-minded people who understand that eventually at some point in our lives, we have to procreate. That's perfectly fine, except that the timing was horribly wrong. If I wanted to start a family, it'll be after we're married, not now while we're still college students…
Oh no! I just thought of something. Now that we'd done it, wouldn't I have to marry her? That's what the guy must do: to take responsibility and make the girl feel secure even during the most trying times. But I hadn't even been in a relationship before. I wouldn't know the first thing about marriage. Or maybe we could be like one of those modern couples who choose to stick together for life without ever tying the knot… No, but then her parents wouldn't approve of that. And the child would be –
"Neku," her voice cut my thoughts off. "Just a sec. I found something really good." She skipped off somewhere and returned in three seconds with a handful of…
"…fruit-flavoured lollies?"
"Lemon, mango, pineapple… They look good, so I thought I'd try them out."
I heard from somewhere that pregnant women tend to have strange food cravings. Things that they would normally never think of eating would suddenly pop up on their personal menu. A common trend was that they like sour-tasting foods, much like the lollies Eri just got for herself. The notion that she might have been knocked up just got reinforced like a concrete wall.
Suddenly I didn't like citrus fruits so much.
From that point onwards our time at the supermarket became a nightmare of guilt trips. I almost had a heart attack when we passed by the baby foods section and she happened to look in its direction. Later the sight of a pregnant woman with her husband gave me such a fright that I was almost looking forward to the eerie ghost from yesterday's "The Haunted Village II". And when this toddler scuttled past with his busy parents in tow, Eri gave me an offhanded remark that I swore cut my life expectancy by half, "Wasn't that kid cute, Neku?"
Someone please stop this!
XOXOXOXOXO
I tried my very hardest to keep a straight head while I was teaching Eri the way to cook omelettes. Concentrate on the lesson, was what I kept telling myself. It didn't help. I made more careless mistakes than even the average newbie, and my fingers found themselves being sliced up more than a few times while cutting up scallions.
Eri worked the fourth plaster on my mutilated hand. "Geez, Neku, I knew you weren't okay. At this rate you're gonna be a mummy with all these bandages. Take a rest, please. We're almost done and I can handle it from here."
"Wh-What kind of teacher would I be if I left the lesson to my student? I'm here to see how things go."
"I get that you want to supervise but I'm more than capable! You've taught me omelettes before, so this is child's play. Listen, just have a seat and I'll have us some grub in no time."
"But – "
"No buts!" she huffed, poking me sharply in the nose. "The kitchen's off limits for you today. Get going or I'll make you."
I peeked around her frame, her finger still on my nose, and caught sight of something quite alarming. "Um, Eri? ! The omelette is burning!"
She whipped around just in time to see her pan going up in smoke. We were so engrossed in our little argument that we completely forgot about it.
"Eek! My masterpiece!"
Eri and I were the best of friends. Not only was she fond of me to a fault, she also cared about me a lot, much like I do her. In fact, as recent events show, she might be getting a little overprotective of me. When you look at how much our bond as buddies has grown – from mere acquaintances to comrades for life – it's kind of amazing. I didn't want to wreck our friendship just yet by telling her the truth, and I knew I was being selfish by keeping her in the dark, but I wanted to be able to see her smiling face just a little longer. At least until I found the right way to break the news to her.
The inedible wad of burnt proteins that used to be an egg got thrown out and she had to redo the whole thing from scratch. She insisted vehemently – almost violently – that I take a seat in the living room, which was just as well. I was losing my grip on the lesson. Some Sensei I made, huh?
Eri returned holding a plate of freshly made omelettes – a far cry from the blackened mess from earlier – and with a smug look that demanded praise. "Voila!" she proclaimed. "I hereby present you another one of my finest creations!" And then, in a humbler self-deprecating tone, she added, "Not that omelettes are five-star material, but…"
Keeping up with her upbeat ways was hard, but seeing her with self-made food in her hands and a smile on her face always makes me feel good. This must be the tingle of satisfaction a teacher gets in his spine when his student applies what she was taught in capable fashion. It made for a good distraction that could keep my worries off my back for a while, even though that while was all of maybe sixty seconds or so.
"Ooh, smells good." I followed the scent trail to the dining table where she laid down her latest dish, and joined her to tuck in and sample it.
She snorted in pride. "I did say you didn't have to worry. …Oh!"
"Eri? What's the matter?"
"Nothing. I just got a good idea."
"A good idea? What is it?"
She took the seat next to me and speared a piece of the omelette on a fork, then… okay, I knew this was going to happen. The way she beamed like an kid with a toy as she extended the fork towards my mouth, her free hand hovering beneath in case the food dropped… I saw all this coming from a mile away. What I didn't think she'd say was:
"Alright, honey, open up and say 'ahhh'."
Did Eri just speak to me like we were already husband and wife? Suddenly all the gloom I'd been hoping to temporarily put behind me set up shop in my psyche once more. If Eri and I had already done you-know-what and reached the point of no return, it's only natural we'd have to be bound for life. Not that being together was a bad thing; I just didn't want it to be this early. The thunderstorms were gathering again…
At the same time, however – and I couldn't even explain why adequately enough – it was flattering when she addressed me so affectionately. How nice it would be if she wasn't joking for once. Ah… maybe when we got close enough that's what we could do: feed each other omelettes and stuff while saying all manner of sweet nothings.
I kept her waiting for too long and she got cross. "Neku, stop spacing out! You're supposed to open your mouth."
"Huh? ! Oh, r-right."
"That's more like it. Now here you go, honey," she cooed, "here's your daily spoonful of breakfast-y goodness. Say 'ahhh'…"
My lips reluctantly parted at her command, and the spoonful of omelette went in. It turned out to be even more of a delight than I expected: soft, fluffy, and my favourite girl made it! To get the chance to taste the cooking of your romantic interest was one thing, to have her feed it to you was another. Either which way was good! I was so caught up in my little bubble of happiness that when I saw her begging me eagerly for a response with those cute eyes of hers, I had this to say:
"It's perfect, darling."
Nothing happened at first, and she just stared at me blankly, her smile still stuck on her face. But when the words finally sank in for her and the heat got to her cheeks, I realized I had made the biggest slip of the tongue ever.
I immediately went into denial mode. "Ah! Um, I… I didn't mean it like in the literal sense, of course. It was… well, when you fed me just now and acted all giggly and stuff I figured it'd be fun to get in the act myself, you know? D-Definitely not what you might think. It's not like – "
"No, it's okay!" she said kindly, still red-faced. Her hands were waving frantically in a "never mind" gesture. "I get what you mean. It's like a comedy act, right?"
"Something like that… yeah."
"I'll give you credit for trying, Neku. You're still stiff though, so I'm taking off 30 points. You'll get it next time!" I unintentionally spoke from the heart and here she's giving me a partial score? "Anyway, let's dig in."
"S-Sure, let's."
Everything went back to normal after that, more or less, although the mixture of guilt and guilty happiness was still eating at me. 'Darling' and 'honey' were things she was fine with? What could it mean? Did she attune her mindset to the eventuality that we could get married soon? Girls could be so complex.
Throughout the meal she was chipper, and a bit cheeky too. "Do I get a full score this time?"
"Y-Your skin is so thick to even ask that… But the omelette really is good. Bit too much pepper in this one, but then it's a matter of preference, I guess. You've improved, though. I'll give it a nine."
"Nine?" she pouted purposefully. "But you said it's 'perfect, darling'."
I felt seized by a wave of cold sweat. "I… I didn't really mean…!"
"Relax, we're cool, Neku!" She gave a hearty laugh and popped a spoonful of omelette in her mouth. "If you were an acquaintance and you said that, I'd probably be weirded out, but we've known each other for, what, ages? So it's alright. Besides, the two of us sitting here at the dining table…"
"Wh-What about it?"
"It's almost like we're a married couple."
"E-Eri? !"
"Ha ha ha! Your face is all red. And it matches the ketchup. That's cute!"
"I-It's not that cute…"
My hands were quivering as I was bringing my cup of tea to my mouth. Merely trying to keep it balanced was a struggle and it was embarrassing seeing the tea froth up like an ocean in a storm. Could Eri see this? Was she going to laugh? I didn't have to think about that. My fingers became like butter and the cup slipped. I was fortunate enough to catch it before I lost my grip completely, but Lady Luck was still not on my side: the tea spilled out of the cup anyway… and onto my lap.
Did I mention? Tea is always served hot.
I let out a cry of pain and panicked as the liquid seeped into my clothing. It was all over my shirt and everywhere on my trousers!
"Gah!"
"Neku? !" gasped Eri, who whisked over to my side. "Oh no! You okay? !"
She could be a quick thinker, and right now was a good example of that finger-snap quickness. Apparently she knew how painful it was to be in my position, so she didn't waste a second more. Her hands immediately dove for the hem of my shirt and in a flourish she whipped it off, leaving me sitting there topless. Did she actually just…? !
"Hey! What the…? !"
"Take off your clothes now!" she barked, throwing my shirt onto the floor. "They'll burn your skin!"
Oh no, she was serious! Eri was trying to help me but I wasn't a fan of being forcibly and violently stripped naked. Sure, she's seen me pretty much in the nude before – still fresh in my mind was the day we both got soaked in the rain and had to take a bath together. But that didn't mean I wanted her to see me like that again!
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end when she turned her sights to my trousers. I knew what was going to happen next. My decency took on a bigger priority and suddenly the pain didn't seem so bad.
"No you don't!" I squawked. "Not my pants!"
"You idiot, I'm trying to help you! Would you love to be scalded stupid? !" Her hands were already latched onto my zipper! ! ! "Off! Pants! Now!"
"Doooooooon't!"
And so the two of us wrestled. It's good that she was worried about me but I wished she would at least let me zip into the bathroom and take off my pants by myself. As I continued my resistance she grew more irritated and our little brawl escalated to the point where I lost balance and fell onto the floor. Now I was at a real disadvantage and I swore, for a half-second, that her eyes had this glint of victory in them, a glint that said, "Freaking finally. Now give in already!"
The zipper was pulled all the way down and she was more than ready to yank my trousers off. Even in the midst of all the hullaballoo, however, I noticed a crucial detail. We were both very close to the dining table and at its very edge sat my cup of tea. Eri's wild movements made her bump against one of the table legs, causing the cup to wobble dangerously. It was going to fall over on its side and its contents – still hot, mind you – would spill right on top of her.
But as I was pinned down and I lacked both the strength and means to move, all I could do was shout, "Eri, watch it!"
"Huh?"
Too late. The cup tipped over, and the leftover tea splashed on Eri's back. And she felt it.
"KYAAAAH!"
"Eri! Oh my god, are you – "
"Hot hot hot hot hot…!" She was faster than greased lightning when she peeled off her one-piece dress and… oooh, today the colour of her underwear was black… Wait, what the heck? !
I snapped myself out of it. "Eri, does it hurt? !"
"Heck if it doesn't!" she snapped. "It's soaking into my underwear too! Argh!"
Was… Was she going to do what I think she was going to do? !
"Hey, don't take off your – !"
"Don't take off my what? !" Th-Those were some quick hands! Didn't even manage to finish my sentence and her bra was already off. I found myself staring smack dab at… at… well, what it used to cover…
Eri, oh Eri… How many times must your clothes come off in front of me in a single day? I don't have enough blood for this…
XOXOXOXOXO
Hell of a day it was, and it wasn't even 2 pm! The omelettes were a feast, but the wardrobe mishap that followed afterwards made me so lightheaded I staggered the few blocks home like a drunkard. And I didn't even get the chance to press Eri for more details about what I thought might have been our first night.
I could do with some distraction therapy for now. I'd think about the heavy stuff later. The fuzz had to get out of my head before I could get back to my responsibilities.
I flopped onto the couch and grabbed the remote. The TV flicked on to the news channel.
"And now for a special bulletin," said the newsreader. "The Ministry of Health has started a campaign to minimize the number of occurrences of teenage pregnancy in Japan. He claims that – "
Why did that have to be the first thing I saw? ! I jabbed the remote too hard and another channel buzzed in. This time it was a drama in the middle of a heated argument scene.
"I don't care!" screamed the middle-aged woman at the young man. "I don't want my daughter's child to be born out of wedlock. You have to marry my daugh– "
Guh… Next!
"Coming up: yoga for expectant mothers – "
Next!
"AAAAAARGH! ! ! OH MY GOD IT'S COMING OUT OF HER STOMACH KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT! ! !"
That was from a sci-fi horror film. I'd heard of this one. Something about aliens from outer space who implant embryos in unsuspecting human females, only for the fetuses to burst out of their hosts' stomachs in appropriately bloody fashion. Gruesome stuff. And just what I needed. Two horror films in two days!
The boob tube was not going to help at all so I shut it off with a vengeance. Well… if it was a no-go then I could always try poking around on the internet…
Come to think of it, it was a while since I last checked my e-mail. I fired up my browser and logged in to my inbox, and was immediately attacked by an avalanche of unread mails. Sifting through the whole mess yielded disturbing results along the likes of: "Large is good!", "Try our perfectly safe enhancement pills now!", and "Vasectomies – Go worry-free for the rest of your nights!"
I emptied the entire inbox out of disgust. What's with my luck today? !
Fine. If nothing else, I could try taking a nap. I'd be more refreshed upon waking up.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
Not a lot of shut-eye time had gone by before I received an urgent phone call. My whole body literally hopped three inches off the bed from the sound of my ringtone. There's something about being on edge that could make even the most innocuous things seem dreadful.
"Hello?"
"Neku!" It was Shiki. Why did she call me? "Get to the hospital ASAP!"
"Huh…? For what?"
"Eri is… Eri is in labour!"
What? ! The news came to me like a blow to my gut. What in the world was…? ! I swore everything was in the "still okay" stage just minutes ago! Just this morning we had gone shopping and cooked up omelettes and now she's already in labour? !
My body felt like it was moving on its own. I didn't even know I had dressed myself up until I flew out the door. My landlady was just about to go on her monthly routine of extorting the rent from me but got the shock of her life when I burst out and dashed past her. As I sprinted down the stairs, two at a time, I shouted to her over my shoulder that I would pay up as promised but added that now wasn't the best time. Downstairs I managed to hail a cab quite quickly and off I went. To my doom.
Time flew by in a blur, and when I made it to the hospital in a flurry of arms and legs, Shiki was the first to rush over and greet me, flanked by a bevy of nurses.
"Neku!" she panted. "So glad you could come!"
"Wh-What happened?" I asked, though I already knew the answer, more or less.
A doctor eased his way past the crowd that had gathered around me and cleared his throat. "Sakuraba, I presume? You just missed the big event – the delivery – but no matter. Either way, congratulations! You're now the father of – "
That word. God, that's the last word I wanted to hear. I'm a father now? I wasn't ready. What did I do to deserve this? Was this my punishment for being fashion-illiterate and a shut-in? So what if I am? ! I'm still a careful, hardworking member of the society!
The worst had yet to come though.
The doctor hadn't finished speaking. " – octuplets!"
I gaped at his words. "C-Come again?"
Shiki grasped my arm happily. "He means you've got eight kids, Neku! Again, congrats! I'm so happy for you and Eri!"
Amid the cheers of delight and the numerous pats on the back that I was getting, I found myself with an uncontrollable urge to scream. So I didn't hold back. Right in the middle of the hospital I dropped to my knees, buried my head in my hands, and howled.
"NOOOO…! ! !"
XOXOXOXOXO
"NOOOO – Huh? !"
What happened to the hospital? Why was I back in my bedroom –
…Oh, I guess I must have been dreaming. The whole thing was just one bad dream. Whew! Seriously though, why must nightmares feel so real? The sheets were soaked in my sweat!
I wanted to laugh but remembered rather dolefully that I wasn't out of the woods yet. The truth about last night was still so far away with no concrete information and what little evidence I could gather was as flimsy as Eri's clothes. There was nothing that could point me in the right direction so here I was taking potshots in the dark with my wild doomsday theories.
But useless conjecture wouldn't get me anywhere. I had to speak to Eri about this… after her nighttime shift. In the meantime, I went to Miyashita Park to cool off and do some thinking.
What should I do? I didn't even remember laying a finger on her the entire night and now it had mysteriously come to this. Minutes of brainstorming went by… and nothing. I was still stuck. If only I had someone to pour out my troubles to.
"Dammit," I grunted to myself, "what now?"
"Hoi, what's with that wistful look on your face?"
"Huh? Who's there – oh, it's you."
The mystery person who had called me out of nowhere showed up, standing in a lazy pose before me. "Hey, I've got a proper name, you know," he laughed. "But who am I to say that when I myself call you extensively by your nickname, Phones?"
"Kariya, just once it'd be nice if people round here called me by my real name."
"Can't help it, man." He plopped down next to me on the bench. "'Phones' has less syllables than 'Neku Sakuraba'. No prizes knowing which one is less of a mouthful to say. Anyway, what's gotten into you? You're looking pretty down."
Kariya wasn't the best person to turn to for advice, but he could have wise words worth listening to every now and again. Maybe if I told him about my little problem, he might have something I could use to turn things around.
"Not so much down," I replied, "as I'm worried. See… it's about Eri."
He was reclining in his seat but at the mere mention of possible juicy details about my love life, he perked up and sat straight. I wished he could exercise a little more care and tact in his words though. "Eri, huh? Now that sounds fun! Alright, let's hear what the two of you have been up to. Just be sure to keep the protection on, if you get my drift." And he broke into a series of guffaws like he had just told the world's greatest joke.
I didn't appreciate the humour, though. If anything, it made me feel worse.
He saw that I wasn't laughing and clammed up fast. "Whoa, those are some ridges you've got on your forehead. Is it really that serious?"
"Why don't I tell you about it, and you see what to make of it."
So I told him what I knew so far, sparing no details. Kariya had a whole spectrum of facial expressions to offer, ranging from bug-eyed surprise to a glum frown of concern. As animated as his face was, I was thankful that he did not interrupt me even once. For someone who didn't immediately strike as dependable, he was a good listener.
"So now," I concluded, "I don't know what to do."
Only now did he start to talk. "You're saying you might have spent the night with Eri magically… and now she might be knocked up because of you? Wow, Phones, I've seen lots of strange things as a Reaper, but this takes the cake."
My hands were wringing with each other. "It does sound improbable but I'm worried for her all the same. I mean, I'm not going to back down, but I don't exactly want to start a family when I don't even have a proper job."
Kariya's smile was kind. "Good to know your mindset is on the right path. I'll give you my two cents' worth, but for now, let's keep this from Uzuki."
"Yeah," I said, shuddering, "it's her we're talking about. She hates men who don't practice much chivalry. If Uzuki gets wind of this, she'll have my head."
"Did someone mention my name?"
The two of us froze. That voice… Oh no.
In a weak inaudible tone I rarely used, I squeaked to Kariya, "Sh-She's right behind us… isn't she?"
He responded just as meekly, "Uh-huh."
"What're you goons going on about?" grumbled Uzuki, who went round to stand in front of us with arms akimbo. "And what's with the secrecy? When you hear your name come up in someone else's conversation, you'd want to know why, wouldn't you?"
Cold sweat literally gushed down my forehead in generous sheets. What should I say to get her to leave us alone? Luckily or unluckily, Kariya answered for me.
"Look, Uzuki," he said, "Phones and I here… We were just having a guys' only chat."
"The heck is that supposed to mean?"
"There are things in this world that only men can talk about. To include a female participant in our conversation would just shatter the very element of 'guy time'. You understand, don't you? I'm sure you girls have your girl talk too. Well, it's the same thing here!" Hey, that's actually a pretty slick excuse! It's a known fact that guys and girls have their own special inner conversation circles and tend to stay out of each other's way, like we're all following a hidden rule in life.
"If it really is just that, I'll be fine with it," she huffed. "But I still clearly heard my name."
Kariya had the blank look of someone who had run out of excuses, because that was exactly what he was.
"Oh yeah," he mumbled stupidly, "I forgot." Dammit, Kariya… We're going to be doomed at this rate! ! !
And true enough, we were. Uzuki's face grew darker. "Oh, I'm sure it must have been something very important. But no one likes it when you talk about them behind their backs and they happen to hear it. You were probably going on about how much of a monster I can be and how I have people's heads for breakfast."
"H-How did you – "
"Oi!" I yelped urgently. "Not 'how did you'! ! !"
Now Uzuki was getting cross. How could she not? We only had ourselves to blame for giving our own game away. Her eye twitching slightly, she said a couple of words curtly and with frightening succinctness.
"Spill it."
"Hey, take it easy, girl," said Kariya, trying to be peacemaker, "let's not jump to –"
"I said SPILL IT!"
Her voice was like a typhoon and almost blew us hapless guys over the back of the bench like ragdolls. And when she jammed herself in between us on the bench with no indication she was going to leave without satisfying her curiosity, we had little choice but to comply. Uzuki was right about herself being a monster! I wasn't going to find out if she wanted to have our heads for breakfast anytime soon though. It just wasn't worth the curiosity. And so, I repeated the entire story to her, as politely as possible.
Like Kariya, she listened intently and didn't interrupt me at any one point, though I suspect it was more out of stunned outrage than courtesy.
"And… And there you have it," I gulped. "I'm in a real bad way now."
She pressed her fingers to her face, taking a few seconds to digest the severity of my situation. 'Harsh' was her middle name, and she made sure I memorized it like the back of my hand.
"Neku," she sighed, "if I didn't think you were an idiot before, I sure do now." Ouch!
Kariya tried to calm the beast that was her. "Uzuki, that's not how you show moral support. The kid might have gotten his girl pregnant and he's in a bind. Shouldn't we at least comfort him a little to take the sting out of things? We can always sort things out as we go along."
"What I feel you buffoons should be doing instead is using what little is in your heads to think through this some more. Neku, tell me something."
I gulped. "Y-Yes?"
"Were the two of you drunk last night?"
That was the one question I could answer with full confidence. "No, she didn't have a single drop of alcohol in her and neither did I. Totally sober."
"And you say you still got all your clothes on when you woke up?"
"Yes, that's right."
"You were also asleep the whole time?"
"Like a log."
She crossed her arms and heaved a sigh, staring skywards in deep thought. "This is just an educated guess," she said, "but I think the two of you didn't do a single thing."
Her words surprised me. In the face of such incriminating evidence, all she had to say was that I didn't have my way with Eri? I wondered where her logic lay, but at the same time I hoped she was right. So desperate was I for good news that even the faintest glimmer of hope was very welcome. I asked her, "Why do you say that?"
"I just don't think it's possible for that kind of thing to happen between a couple when one of them isn't even awake."
"That did cross my mind, but – "
"Also, if you were still fully clothed when you got up in the morning, it's very likely you were the same way throughout the night, which is usually a strong indication that nothing happened. And you two weren't even drunk. That effectively rules out the possibility that you might have done stuff beyond your control."
Uzuki had some valid points that even I had to agree with. But the weight on my shoulders wouldn't go away just yet. I would need something more to be completely convinced…
As though she could read minds, she continued, rather bluntly, "Most importantly, Eri's not the kind of girl who would rape you while you're asleep in the middle of the night."
This elicited a laugh from Kariya. "Yeah, I actually have to agree right there. She's a screwy one alright – no offence, by the way – but not so screwy that she'd want to pull off a stunt like that. Deep in your heart, you still believe in her, don't you?"
All the good memories I had forged with Eri came flooding back to me at a machinegun-like pace. From the first date we ever had to watching fireworks together during the Hachi Fest… going to the supermarket on Saturdays to stock up on groceries and then coming back home to teach her how to cook… the various other experiences we had shared up till now… She had proven to be a nice girl beneath her wild child exterior. Of course she wouldn't do something so horrible to me and spoil the trust we built up over so long. How could I even start to think that?
That was exactly what I needed to get myself back on track. Thanks to my two Reaper buddies the clouds around my head could finally melt away.
Kariya didn't need to wait for a positive answer from me to know that I was feeling better. "Looks like you've found your salvation, Phones."
"Thanks, guys," I said, with a smile. "I'd have been lost without your advice."
"Heh, don't mention it! I'll have a shio ramen, thank you very much."
"What?"
"Ignore him," snorted Uzuki. "He just wants a reward. Anyway, it's not over yet, Neku. You do know what to do next, don't you?"
What was it she was trying to say? My mind drew a blank. "Huh?"
She let out a low annoyed grumble, with all the patience of an erupting volcano. "Don't 'huh' me! You still have to find out if Eri is really pregnant. Only when you know for sure that she isn't can the two of you afford to relax. Geez, go buy yourself a pregnancy test kit already." I almost expected her to add, "And get a brain while you're at it," so I was actually surprised when she didn't. Well, even she can't always be sarcastic, I guess –
"Oh, by the way," she said, "get a brain while you're at it."
…Damn.
Kariya laughed. "You'll be fine, Phones. I'm so envious of you, though! You've got a girl who clearly likes you enough to want to sleep over at your place and everything!"
What was I supposed to say to that? "Um, thanks… I guess?"
"Uzuki doesn't even want to visit me," he lamented openly. "You'd have thought she'd at least give me some love after we'd been working together as Reapers for so long – ow. Ow, ow, ow!"
"I'm still here, mind you," she hissed, pinching him in the ribs tightly. "And no, I'm not letting my shadow fall onto your front door. You're nothing but bad news, that's what you are."
"Th-That's cruel, girl. At least take a page from Eri and get nicer underwear. Yours is kind of plain – OW! ! !"
"Shut it! Stop spouting crud that's not true and shut it!"
I excused myself and left Kariya to his fate. With the way they act, it's hard to tell if they were good friends or eternal rivals.
XOXOXOXOXO
Here we go, Neku. Deep breaths. Inhale, exhale.
Following a rather uneasy and self-conscious trip to Nishimura Drugs, I found myself the owner of a pregnancy test kit. Ironically, the name of this particular product was 'Happy Event', making it sound a lot like a bad joke.
This was the only way to know for sure if Eri was… you know. It's hardly proper form to ask a girl to use it, but what choice did I have? I only hoped that she would be optimistic enough to forgive me afterwards.
The front door swung open before I could even lift my finger to press the doorbell, and there stood Eri. Her sudden unexpected appearance startled me and I forgot to greet her.
"Eri?" I gasped. "H-How did you know I was out here?"
"I heard you," she replied. "Your voice was so clear and crisp as you were saying things to yourself like 'Relax, Neku', and 'It's gonna be fine'. Heck, I could even hear the deep breathing exercises you were doing through the door… scary." She broke into a soft giggle.
How embarrassing! "S-Sorry. I didn't mean to creep you out."
"Hey, no biggie! Come on inside."
Eri pulled me inside by the wrist very eagerly like I was the guest of honour. It's almost a scientific fact by now that she likes sticking around me, so it was no wonder that she was in high spirits, but I wondered if she would continue feeling that way soon. I still felt the sting of guilt for making Shiki feel bad by getting to the bottom of her peculiar behaviour yesterday. For a person to go from happy to sad in a matter of moments… that's not something I wished to see in Eri.
As she got tea ready for me she asked, "So what's gotten your feathers in a bunch, Neku?"
Urk… What was it again? Because she opened the door too early, I didn't have time to rearrange my haphazard thoughts. I could have sworn that just a few seconds ago I actually had an idea of what to say.
"Eri," I said shakily, "you know how you slept over at my place yesterday?"
"Yeah?"
"And you ended up in my bed…"
"I meant to go back to the other room after I was done talking to you, but I nodded off anyway. Hope you didn't mind! I was quite zonked out from butler duties." She joined me on the couch, bringing me my cup of tea from which I took a grateful sip.
"It's fine. But, see…" This was where my nervousness started to increase exponentially. There was something I had to ask of her, but my scattered mind still couldn't remember what. Unfortunately the conversation was going a little too fast for my liking, so I thought that the best for now would be to plough my way through and see if I could manage a last-minute recall.
"Well," I continued, setting the cup on the coffee table, "I don't know all the details about the entire night, and um… I was wondering if we did anything else… in our sleep… maybe. I mean, uh… probably… But I don't know if you're… that… so…"
Eyebrows askew with confusion, Eri held up a hand and stopped me. "Neku… I don't get what you're trying to say. Could you be a little clearer?"
"Sorry, Eri. I just, well…" No good. Oh wait! Maybe I was meaning to say… that! Right?
"Well… what?"
"If… If it's okay with you…" In one quick breath I blurted it all out without thinking. "…will you marry me? ? ?"
Of all the – why did I have to say that? ! Maybe it was a secret desire hidden deep within my subconscious. But that went to show just how messed up my head was, I suppose!
The worst part was that she heard it, loud and clear. Her hand had found its way to her bosom, lightly clenched into a quivering fist over her heart. Those pretty eyes of hers that could turn a man's knees to jelly were now just two giant blank circles staring at me. Slowly, surely, inevitably, her cheeks started to glow pink.
"Um, Neku?" she squeaked. "A-Are you… serious? 'Cause, you know, I think it's a little early for – "
"Wait, hang on a minute!" I spluttered, panicking and waving my hands frantically. "It's a mistake. My mistake! I didn't mean to say that… you know? My mouth says the craziest things."
"Is that so? Oh, okay." Eri seemed to calm down, though the redness wouldn't leave her face, not that I was surprised. "You almost gave me a heart attack there! I've received love letters and confessions before, but if you were serious, it'd have been my first time being proposed to. I wouldn't know the right thing to say!"
"Sorry… Anyway, n-never mind about that! I have something far more important to discuss with you. If I give you the heebie-jeebies, I apologise beforehand."
That piqued her curiosity. "What could possibly be so bad you'd have to say sorry in advance?"
"This."
That cursed pregnancy test kit… I'd have to give it to her. Simply twisting it out of my pocket took such a monumental effort it made Hercules look like a dead twig. What guy would be comfortable with this? Very sheepishly and unwillingly I extended the offending thing towards her, looking away in shame. I was this sure she would bolt in disgust and I wasn't keen on seeing the face she would make.
"Wh – Neku… Wh-What's the meaning of this?"
It was all I could do to steady the tremors in my voice. "Y-You woke up in my bed without any clothes on this morning, so I thought that we might have, you know, gone at it last night. I know it's crazy! Believe me, I know, but – "
"You're saying that we did… that sort of thing?" Eri blinked at me owlishly. "You and me?"
"Y-Yeah." By now my entire head could have been mistaken for a tomato with orange hair.
"Uh, no. Didn't happen."
"Huh?" It… didn't happen? "Wh-What do you mean?"
The tint on her face deepened. You can do your hardest to stay calm, but unless you're an actor, which neither of us was, there's a limit to how much you can control the redness on your face. That is to say, none at all.
"I mean exactly that, Neku. We didn't… Let's just say we weren't rabbits last night."
I gulped. Rabbits, huh… What an apt way to put it. But I had yet to be fully convinced that we really didn't get to doing it. "How can I be sure that's the case? Don't forget, you wound up naked in my bed!"
She fiddled with her hair, mumbling, "That's because the underwear I wore yesterday is old and worn and prone to coming away by itself." What the heck? "The bra clasp pops open when you least expect it, and the elastic in the panties is so loose they'd slip off rather than stay on. That's why I pair it with jeans or pants. It'd be a disaster if I wear a skirt… Still, they're my favourite pair, so…"
"Er, y-yeah, hate to stop you there but I got it already. N-No need to be so graphic. Besides, I still have questions. For example, how do you explain what you told me? About how I made you hurt a bit because I was so… s-stiff?"
Again she countered my argument. "Oh… that? Well, remember how we slept in each other's arms? I had my head resting on your chest."
"Uh-huh…"
"I happened to wake up in the middle of the night and we were still clinging to one another. Your chin was jutting into the top of my head and made it hurt a bit. 'Cause your chin's so stiff!"
What? So it was something like this all along? Gah… How much dumber could it get…
"By the way," she said, rubbing her head, "it still kinda hurts now. You got a chin made of iron or what?"
"So… So that's how it was…" I slumped back, sinking a little into the cushions, a hand through my hair in a mixed display of relief and slight exasperation. The answers to my burning questions had been answered at last. "And here I thought we actually had… and that you were pregnant… You have no idea how scared I was, Eri!"
I felt her fingertips on my arm in a show of empathy. "I can't blame you, Neku. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably be cursing my luck myself."
"We're safe. Thank goodness…! Least now I don't have to worry about, well… a lot of things. Man, I just about tore off most of my hair today!"
"I can see a bald spot," she wisecracked. "Anyway, you say we're safe, huh? I don't know…"
"What'd you mean? We're as safe as safe gets, aren't we?"
"Can't hurt to be sure, right?" She dangled the pregnancy test kit in the air. "You went out of your way to buy this, so we might as well use it and put ourselves out of our misery once and for all. Evidence speaks volumes."
That was true, but we were already in the clear, weren't we? If she was so sure that we were good, then that's that… What was this tiny wisp of a bad feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach, though…
"Eri, I… I don't know about – huh? Hey, where are you going?"
"To the bathroom. Be back in a minute!" And she disappeared inside before I could reply.
She took that kit with her. Oh boy, she was planning on using it, wasn't she? No use trying to stop her, not that it mattered much though. We were A-OK and blissfully not on our way to parenthood. No news was good news, that's for sure, yes sir! The results would be negative. I was this sure of it.
…Right?
Some time later the bathroom door squeaked open and out she came with a sad look on her face. Wait, sad? !
I didn't wait for her to speak up and rushed over, clutching her by the shoulders urgently. "Eri! What… What's wrong? !"
Eri's lip was trembling slightly and she was biting on it. When I tried to meet her eyes, she wouldn't let me, looking away.
"Neku… I'm sorry. We were wrong after all."
"Y-You don't mean…? !"
"…I'm pregnant."
F-For real? This wasn't a joke? She wasn't going to jab me in the nose with her finger and shout "Gotcha!"? Any moment now I could crumple like a house of cards. How could I even stand when my knees had turned to mush? I wanted to protest, to say that Eri was pulling my chain like she always was, but I didn't think there would be even more bad news in store for me.
"And Neku," she added, "it's twins."
The blood rushed from my face; I could almost feel it happen. "Y-You're… We're having twins? ! I… I don't know what to…"
I was milliseconds away from pushing the panic button and losing it completely, but halt! My common sense took hold of the situation just in time for me to realize that within Eri's words, spoken with such seemingly crushing seriousness, lay a very big contradiction.
"Hold the phone," I said slowly. "You can't tell how many kids you'll have from a pregnancy test kit!"
"Well, darn, you found me out." Even as she spoke it was difficult to keep the laughter in and eventually she was drowning in giggles. "Though you should have done so five seconds earlier!"
She showed me the results of her pregnancy test. I triple-checked them with the guidelines printed on the box. Negative, just like I thought.
Defeated and downright exhausted with the entire fiasco, I just dropped to the floor and sat right there. She hunkered down to join me, arms folded on top of her knees. And that mischievous grin was stubborn and refused to leave her face. Dammit, did she have to make fun of me when my nerves were already so rattled? Ever the joker, I guess, but…
"Way to give a guy a heart attack. At least go easy on me!"
"Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Hee hee! But that's a good lesson to be learnt, isn't it? That should teach you to be more careful, Neku."
"Says the pot to the kettle. For goodness' sake, Eri! Next time, get some underwear that actually stays on! This misunderstanding is your entire fault to begin with!"
Her protest was, "But that's my lucky underwear! I wore it to my first date and it went well. It's got good vibes and sentimental value, even if it's falling apart. You can't just make me toss 'em! Would you like it if I ask you to trash your beloved headphones? There you go; same story!"
Eri always wins all the arguments… "Fine, I get it. I'm just glad this whole thing is finally over. I went nuts thinking about it the whole day!"
"I'm glad too."
"Yeah, after all the false endings and hair loss, I think I can officially say we're in the clear."
Her voice assumed a softer, calmer tone. "Well, I'm happy about that too among other things, but… I liked how you were worried about me."
"I… I care about you, Eri," I said simply. "Of course I would be concerned about my best friend's welfare. But what did you mean by 'among other things'?"
"Ehehe…" She buried her cheeks in her hands in an exaggerated display of bashfulness. "You did ask me to marry you."
"I didn't mean to say that! It was a mistake!" I hated how obvious red faces like mine right now could be!
"Any girl would be flattered if a decent guy asked for her hand in marriage. Trust me, it's a good thing! …Just don't do it on a regular basis if you don't mean it."
"What makes you think I'd pop the question everyday? !" Did I sound that desperate? ! "Anyway, since the case is closed, I'll be heading back home now. I'm exhausted and I definitely do not want to relive this nightmare again."
As I heaved myself to my feet, she seemed to hesitate. Standing up quickly, she blurted, "Oh, um, Neku…!"
"Hmmm? What is it now, Eri? I don't do encores, just so you know."
"No, that's not it. Are you free tomorrow?"
I gave my answer carelessly. "Yeah, I suppose I've got my schedule cleared for tomorrow. Why?"
"Are we still good for our date, then?"
It was here that I made a blunder no guy should make, romance newbie that I was. Luckily for me, Eri was a forgiving person.
"Uh… We got a date, Eri?"
Maybe not that forgiving… She jabbed her hands onto her hips and shot me a pronounced frown. "Are you telling me," she huffed, "that you forgot?"
That was the date that I had been trying to fix with her for the past few days but couldn't because of her busy schedule. In the midst of the latest nonsense involving Shiki's confession and the pregnancy scare, it must have completely slipped my mind. Whoops!
"Forgetting about such an important occasion… That's one hundred demerits for you, Neku! Dating's as important as breathing and eating and brushing your teeth! You'd do well to know that! And because you're the one who's been clamouring for this, that's all the more unforgivable. How do you plead, defendant?"
I half-laughed uncomfortably as I rubbed the back of my neck. Much of her chagrin was purposely inflated to instill in me the importance of a good memory. I had no real excuse for myself.
"Sorry, Eri… I got caught up in all these recent events. I still haven't decided where to go for tomorrow, I'm afraid, but I'll make it up to you somehow. Please don't stay too mad at me, is all I'm asking."
"You're repentant, I see. That's good." Her smile was slightly haughty, like she had just gained the upper hand in a battle. And just like that she was back to her usual self. "So! It's getting late and we haven't sorted out the details yet, so our next best option is to make our date a surprise."
"A surprise?" My whole body stiffened. "Should I be worried?"
"Don't you dare look down on me! I'm pretty rad when it comes to surprises! You just watch. Tomorrow's gonna be heaps of fun and you'll be worshipping me before you know it! Ohohoho!"
"Uh-huh… I'll be careful, don't worry."
"Tch! Such a wet blanket… Never mind. I'll be looking forward to seeing your groveling form, praising me to high heavens."
Heh… We'd have to see about that.
XOXOXOXOXO
I hopped into bed feeling good now that my little predicament had been fully resolved. Sure, it may have been a little on the stupid side but all's well that ends well. My mind was drained, my body was squeezed dry of its last ounce of energy, and heck, I just wanted to sleep.
Before I could get my well-deserved dreamtime, my cell phone rang, with the caller as Eri. Good heavens, what now?
"Neku? Are you asleep already?"
"No, not yet."
"Sorry, but I need you to do a small favour for me. It wouldn't take two minutes. Could you pop into your bedroom now?"
"I'm in here already. Why do you ask?"
There was a bashful giggle on the other end of the line. "Ehehe… My underwear should still be in there somewhere. I forgot to take it back. So, uh… could you hold onto it for now? I'll come back tomorrow to get it."
The blood boiled in my cheeks. How could she be so careless? She really could be one hell of a ditz, couldn't she!
I squawked, "Wh-Who forgets their underwear? ! A-And you're the one who's been jabbering on about having a good memory and stuff!"
"Ehe… sowwy! Oh, I think you might find them among your bed sheets. Be a darling and take a look around, will you? Pretty please?"
"…This is ridiculous, Eri. Of all the – "
Hey, what's this? My free hand was idly rummaging around my blanket and I came across an unfamiliar softness under my fingertips. Its texture was embossed – at least that's what it felt like – and it squished satisfyingly when I pressed on it. Quite a soothing feeling, actually. Except… when I took her words into account, and applied logic to them, there's really only one thing this alien thing could be. And when I whisked it out, I was right on the money.
"Did you find it, Neku?"
"Y-Y-Yeah. I, uh, salvaged your bra."
"Nice! My panties should be nearby."
A few moments of searching yielded the bottom half of what little decency she left behind. How I manage to find myself exposed to things like this practically every day… is beyond me. This girl… I swear she's a living, breathing strip show… and admission costs nothing except for two jugs' worth of nosebleeds.
"You found them? Great! Now, I know you must be excited to handle a girl's undergarments, and I trust you wouldn't do anything strange, but I still need you to promise one thing. Whatever you do, don't – "
I immediately spluttered, "I-I'm not going to sniff it! Give me a break!"
"What?" She sounded confused for a second. "No, no, I'm telling you not to damage it. That underwear's old, but it's still my favourite, remember? I still want to use it for a little longer… Um, you said something about sniffing?"
"Nothing! I didn't say anything!"
"Too bad," she snickered. "I heard what you said. You must be a super pervert to 'misunderstand' things so frequently. Hee hee!"
"Argh!"
Not again! Mental note to self: try to draw the right conclusions next time!