After writing a new story for Wattpad, someone was knocking on my back door. My literal back door, not the one John Phoenix fucks every night.

'Hey, it's me, Serena! I've got my dicks back!' my ex-boyfriend said.

'That's wonderful! How did that happen?' I asked. A few weeks ago, I dumped Serena when Bayleef chopped the eight penises off with her Razor Leaf. Suddenly, Serena was no longer attractive to me. However, when he dropped his skirt, I saw eight hard boners pointing at my small tits.

'Sakura, let's go upstairs and do it!' Serena said.

And so, we kicked John Phoenix out, who was taking an afternoon nap. I opened the window, grabbed him by the Metapod and threw him out of my flat, killing him. His blood splashed all over the pavement. Officer Jenny saw the corpse, but walked away and did nothing. And so, Serena and I were back together, without John Phoenix getting in the way!

'Oh my god, you killed John Phoenix! You bastard!' Serena joked, trying to imitate Stan and Kyle from South Park.

I laughed and got wet. Then, Serena and I got on the bed. She pinched my hard Diglett and jammed all of her eight penises in my Cloyster at the same time.

Later that day, Serena and I took a walk and went to Pewter City to do some grocery shopping. There, we saw Brock sitting in a park, reading his beloved Playboy magazine while clopping. He gazed at Contest Idol Lisia's huge tits, which were the biggest natural boobs in the entire Pokemon World. Lisia was on the cover of the dirty magazine, leaving very little to the imagination. Her wet Cloyster, her big tits... Everything was visible, much to Brock's pleasure.

I once asked Lisia for a threesome with Serena and me, but she refused, stating that she was not interested in a bad author and a guy with eight dicks. She preferred having fun with Brendan and May, her fuckbuddies. I hate Lisia now. Anyone who refuses to fuck me is Sakuraphobic.

Luckily, I had a threesome with Toya Latte and Serena last year, which was hot. Toya has nice, big tits, which was a nice contrast with my miniscule ones. However, even Toya's tits did not come close to Lisia's.

Then, Serena decided to troll Brock and dropped her skirt, flashing his eight dicks to Ash's perverted friend. That would teach him a lesson about being a creep! The guy was clopping in public, so he had no right to complain about seeing unwanted nudity.

Then, Brock decided to quote Bayleef's hero David Bowie, quoting the song Rebel Rebel. 'Serena... Not sure if you're a boy or a girl...'

'I've always been male. I just like to wear skirts and dresses, and enjoyed trolling everyone by pretending to be a woman,' Serena explained. 'I have eight dicks and I love jamming all of them in Sakura at the same time!'

'I like androgynous guys,' Sakura said.

After watching Brock run for the hills, we saw Mario and Toad. The couple was on holiday to Kanto and had buttsex while we watched. Mario was the top. He's a top, not a verse. He pounds Goombas, turtles and guys. He loved plumbing male Bulbabutts. Despite being shipped with Peach by some people, Mario was gay and Peach was a lesbian. While Peach was married to Daisy, Mario was in an open relationship with Toad.

After walking away from the gays from Mushroom Kingdom, we walked to Pallet Town and saw Bayleef. Serena wanted to get revenge for having her eight penises chopped off, and wanted to battle the Grass Pokemon.

An hour later, Professor Oak allowed Bayleef to battle Serena on the grassy field behind his lab. Delia, Tracey, his girlfriend Daisy, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Barack Obama, Brüno, Justin Bieber, me and my friend Toya Latte were watching the big battle.

Serena sent out his Machamp, while Bayleef looked ready to destroy the man with the eight dicks.

Bayleef decided to start the battle with her Razor Leaf. Luckily, Serena's Machamp avoided the attack, but Justin Bieber, who was clopping, got hit. In fact, his penis was chopped off by the sharp Razor Leaf, emasculating the worst singer in history.

Then, Fluttershy flew by and said 'yay', only to fly away just in time to avoid the image of a gore, bloody Justin.

Brüno decided to sing an altered version of his song, singing 'Bayleef, dove of peace'. The idea was that Bayleef brought peace to his ears, by preventing Justin Bieber from ever performing again. After all, he felt too afraid to ever perform again after being emasculated by a female Grass Pokemon.

Then, famous transphobe J.K. Rowling arrived. 'I don't want to miss this battle!' she said.

Then, Bayleef used Razor Leaf again, but Machamp was able to jump away to avoid the attack, causing Rowling's head to get struck. Bayleef cut off all of her hair!

'You look like a dude now!' Toya Latte trolled the bitch.

'No! I'm a woman, and only cis women are women!' the bitch cried.

Then, Bayleef was able to avoid a Dynamicpunch, causing Rowling to get hit. Then, the bitch's heart stopped beating. She collapsed!

After watching Bayleef charge up a Solarbeam, Machamp was no longer able to avoid attacks and got struck, causing the Pokemon to faint.

'No, Machamp!' Serena cried. Not because Machamp was fainted, since he did not give a fuck about his Pokemon's well-being. Serena was sad because she knew she would not get revenge on Bayleef for chopping off those eight penises, that grew back a few weeks later.

Then, Harry Styles arrived. 'Am I too late for the battle?' he asked.

'Yes, grandma. You're too late,' Sakura said. 'Bayleef won.'

Sadly, Bayleef was not able to celebrate her victory with Ash, since that dick was in Galar. He wasn't attracted to Bayleef anyways, since he was with Misty. And so, Bayleef had to celebrate her success with her new friend Brüno, who said that Bayleef would make a fabulous Pokemon for any gay guy. 'Bayleef, dove of peace!' he sang.

Then, Brüno walked up to Professor Oak. 'Professor, did anyone ever tell you that you have amazing blowjob lips?'

'Sorry, I prefer Delia's Cloyster. Not penises,' he said.

'You have the perfect lips. You're just not using them the right way,' Brüno explained.

Then, Toya Latte and me challenged Bayleef to a battle. Two versus one was not really fair, but she agreed. Toya chose her Dugtrio with six dicks and I sent out my Jynx with seven dicks.

Sadly for us, one of Bayleef's Razor Leafs was enough to strike down both of our incredibly powerful Pokemon. My Jynx is in Smogon's Uber tier, but Bayleef still managed to beat Jynx and Toya's Dugtrio...

Bayleef should be in Smogon's Uber tier! If that Pokemon manages to emasculate Justin Bieber and beat Machamp, Jynx and Dugtrio with such ease...

Then, Brock arrived, with his dick in one hand and his Playboy magazine in the other hand. 'Hey, did I tell anybody here that Lisia is hot?' he asked.

'Yeah, she rejected me once,' Justin Bieber said. 'I always thought she would like crappy pop, but it turns out that she's a metalhead... She loves Queen, Guns N' Roses, Iron Maiden, Ronnie James Dio and Nightwish...'

'Lisia is a fucking prude! She didn't fuck me when I met her, so she's prude!' Boris Johnson complained. However, the truth was that he got rejected because the Contest Idol hated nazis.

Then, Simon Cowell entered the room, just too late to watch Bayleef's epic battles. 'Lisia is not prude. She's my fuckbuddy. After making her Surf, I always say: best Surf I've ever seen.'

Brock was jealous. And so was Toya Latte. 'Wanna do me next, Simon? Judge me. I'm hot, right?'

'Worst I've ever seen.'

'Judge me, Simon!' I said. After all, me, Sakura Bum, must be the hottest woman on the planet...

'Worst I've ever seen. Even worse than Justin Bieber's singing,' Simon said, making the Canadian singer cry.

What? How could Simon Cowell not see my literary genius and my hotness? Why would he not see it? I'm the best writer on the planet! Not just on Wattpad, but also on . I would never troll people. In fact, I leave serious and constructive reviews everywhere! How could Simon Cowell not like me? Why would he prefer Lisia over me? Sure, she's got perfect curves and huge tits, but still... My minuscule boobs are prettier than hers!

'Please Simon, fuck me! If you don't get me wet, you're Sakuraphobic!'

'I don't care. Then I'm Sakuraphobic. I only fuck hot women like Lisia.'

'And do you also fuck men, fabulous darling?' Brüno asked, while dropping his trousers. 'You have perfect blowjob lips...'

'What the bloody hell is that?' Simon asked.

'I'm Brüno, dove of peace! Please, give me a record deal! I'll give you all the blowjobs you want!' the über-famous Austrian fashionista begged.

'I already get blowjobs. From Lisia. And unlike you, she has a Cloyster and tits.'

'Bay Bay?' Bayleef asked, wanting to be judged.

'Best Pokemon I've ever seen.'

'Bay Bay!' the satisfied Pokemon squealed.

'Judge my eight dicks, Simon!' Serena said.

'And judge my Diglett stories!' Toya Latte begged.

'Both the dicks and the stories are the worst I've ever seen and read. Fuck off.'

And so, Serena and I went home. We did not have to take that from some stupid talent show judge! At home, Serena jammed her eight dicks in my back door, making me scream from joy. At least Serena appreciated the beauty of the best author on Wattpad and FanFiction. The author who was definitely not a troll.

Meanwhile, my grandma Harry tried to sing a song for Simon back in Pallet Town, but the asshole hated it. 'Worst I've ever heard.'

'Fuck you, Simon!' granny screamed. 'You love One Direction and you know it!'

'Worst band I've ever heard.'

Before leaving Pallet Town, Simon walked up to Bayleef. 'How would you like to be the new judge in next season's Pop Idol?' he asked.

The Pokemon nodded happily. 'Bay Bay!'