Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter Five

Alicia had gone home after her conversation with Cary, she wasn't sure what to make of the offer being presented to them, or what to make of his reaction to it. Was she only considering this because of Will? Because of their history? Her sense of loyalty to the man who had taken a chance on her when she needed it. She understood why Cary didn't have the same loyalty, he had been burned by Will and Diane in a way he never saw coming, and that wound was still deep, even after all of the years had passed. She sat on her living room couch after perusing the offer, it was good, if it was a client of hers, she would advise them to take it. Cary and Alicia were being brought on as name partners, the same contracts that Will and Diane shared. The deal left room for their associates, they would simply become one big happy family again is how the paperwork read. Diane and Will would guarantee job security for all employees for 24 months at which point, a team would be put together of one of either Will or Diane, one of Cary or Alicia, one equity partner and two junior associates who would make final decisions on employment in the event that there was a need to downsize. The office would be renovated, name partners, boardrooms and family law would be on the twenty-ninth floor, equity partners and litigation, more meeting rooms and an employee kitchen on the twenty-eighth floor, and on the twenty-sixth and seventh floors, a mix of paralegals, associates, junior associates, clerks and investigators. They had thought this out, this wasn't a half assed proposal, this was a plan.

"Mom?" Grace brought Alicia out of her thoughts as the teen emerged from her bedroom.

"Grace, hi." Alicia smiled broadly, "I thought you were asleep, did I wake you?"

"It's only eleven, Mom." Grace shrugged, "How was your meeting?"

"It was interesting." Alicia gestured for Grace to join her on the couch, "Lots to think about. How was your night?"

"I went to bible study," Grace explained, "it was weird…different. Before…before Dad died, I thought I knew, I thought I knew who God was to me…and now I don't know. Why would a God who loves me take away my Dad?"

Alicia took a moment to put some thoughts together, Grace's journey with religion wasn't one that she could pretend to understand or even relate to. She didn't know the answer to Grace's questions, but she also didn't want to push her daughter any further into questioning everything she though to be true. "I don't know, Grace." She admitted honestly, "Have you thought about speaking to Pastor Isaiah? I know that he was more a confidante of your father, but he might be able to give you some guidance, help you feel closer to Dad, and to God?"

Grace took a moment to consider it, Pastor Isaiah had always been kind to her and spoken honestly, her Dad had trusted him. "Would you be alright with that?"

"I would," Alicia promised her, "if that would help you to…mourn your Dad…that is what I want for you. I will have Eli set it up?"

"Thanks Mom." Grace leaned in and hugged her Mother tightly, "I love you."

"I love you too, kiddo." Alicia kissed the side of her forehead and held her close, "I wish I could fix this for you, you have no idea how much. Is your brother home?"

"He's asleep." Grace nodded. "I should…I should go to bed too…school."

"Goodnight Grace, I love you." Alicia told her again as the pair stood up, Alicia followed as Grace went to her bedroom, squeezing one last hug while she could before she quietly opened the door to Zach's room. Zach was, as Grace had told her, asleep. His curly, dark bangs over his eyes, he looked so peaceful with the dim hallway light illuminating his face. "I love you Zach." She whispered before she closed the door once again and walked back to the living room. She grabbed the folder from Diane, her glass of wine, and went to her bedroom. Alicia changed her clothes to comfortable pajamas and curled up in her bed. She absently tossed the folder about the merger onto her bed, that would be a discussion to continue with Cary. She exhaled and opened the folder about the house. The house Peter had bought for her, for them? She wasn't really sure to be honest. The way Diane spoke, it was as though Peter was hoping to give their marriage another try, but Alicia found that hard to believe. She and Peter had found a way to be a partnership in the ways that they needed, and they had never specifically discussed how that would change in the future, she didn't think he had any illusions about them truly being a couple again. Alicia flipped through the folder until she saw a smaller envelope at the back of the folder, her named scrawled in his familiar script and then envelope sealed with a sticker, Alicia had known for a long time that Peter hated having to actually lick an envelope, she smiled at the thought of how he likely would have fussed about it. Silently, Alicia opened the envelope and found what would hopefully explain this all to her.

Babe,

I hope you'll call me after you read this. I know your first reaction when Diane gives you this package will be to yell, maybe to tell her to burn it, or simply walk away, but I really hope you will hear me out. This is for you. This house, this home, it isn't for you and I, it is my gift to you. By the time you get this, I will have announced my retirement from politics and our official divorce will follow. Zach will probably be closer to graduation than I would care to think about, Grace, our baby girl will practically be an adult. I don't know what the future holds for you and I Alicia, but I hope that we can stay friends. I would like to think that we are friends now, maybe not in the conventional use of the word, but I have your back Alicia, and I always will, just as you have had mine.

So back to the house. This big house that I bought for you. Don't worry, I got it for a steal. I was in the neighbourhood on business, and I saw it, and I knew you needed to have it. This place is so not like our old house in Highland Park, this house just screams Alicia, it is modern and cool but it still feels warm and homey. I want you to enjoy it, to make memories, I hope that this can be where our children and grandchildren want to come home. I hope that although this will not be my home, I will be able to spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays here with you, with the kids…being a family in all of the ways that matter. I know this doesn't make up for what we had, what you lost, what I screwed up, but I hope it helps you to understand how much I value our family, and how much I value you. I appreciate that you have stood by me through all of this, through the ups and the downs, the embarrassment, which I know has been challenging for you, I see all that you did to keep me afloat, I will never be able to thank you enough.

Please, I beg you, accept this gift for what it is, a token of friendship and love, an opportunity for our future. By the time you read this, I will have owned it for a couple of years, we will transfer the ownership into your name, and you will love it. You can stare at the water at night, enjoy a glass of wine, the snow in the winter. Alicia, this house is my gift to you, my thank you, my final token of appreciation for being on this ride with me, and for supporting me when I didn't deserve it.

I know that you had plans, you had things you wanted to do, and there were probably people, or maybe a person who would have been better suited to help you achieve those dreams, to give you the life you deserved and that you dreamed of. You are one hell of a lawyer Alicia Florrick. Whenever I see you in court, or a friend tells me of being up against you in Cook County, I am full of pride. I know that I am not responsible in any way for the lawyer that you became, you did that all on your own. I don't think I will ever be able to say this out loud, so please, I beg you, don't ask me to repeat it. But I am eternally thankful to Will Gardner for taking you in and giving you a place at his firm when things were…complicated. Knowing that you had a job, a steady income, a sense of normalcy while I was in prison, it brought me comfort, even if it seemed to take us farther and farther from who we used to be. In these years, these years we are about to have, the years after our marriage, the years after you have been a dutiful wife to me, a wonderful mother to our children, I hope that you will be selfish. I hope that you will find for yourself all of your dreams, and that your next chapter will be everything you want it to be.

I love you,

Peter

As she finished reading the letter, the tears were streaming down her cheeks. There were photos, photos of her and the kids, photos of the four of them, their wedding, Georgetown. Mementos that Peter had kept, he was using this letter as a way to show her how much he cared, how he wasn't just a prick who expected her to hang around no matter what he did. Alicia took a moment to process it all, Diane was holding onto this until his Governorship was over, and then she would give it to her. For all of the crap, for all of the bullshit that had gone on over the years, this was Peter in a nutshell. A grand, romantic gesture designed to remind her of the life they used to have. The truth was, if he were alive, she probably would have seen this as one final shot at him to control her future, but he wasn't alive, Peter was dead, and this seemed like the final chapter in their story, the chapter where he let her free and tried to give her some peace in her new life without him.

"Owen," Alicia whimpered as she heard her brother groggily answer the phone, "Owen, I need you to come."

Alicia couldn't say how long it was until she heard the doorknob jingle and then open and close, she hadn't moved from her spot in bed, the letter sitting on the bed beside her as she stared forward, almost glued to the spot she was in. "Sis?" Owen called as he walked into her room, "What the hell is going on Leesha? I was with a friend…" he gave her a knowing wink, "a really fun friend."

"I'm sorry." Alicia gave him a chuckle, "You could have said no…I just…there is a thing."

"I could have said no?" Owen rolled his eyes, kicking off his loafers and plopping himself on her bed, "No… to my sister…with the dead husband?"

"You didn't come visit when he was in jail?" Alicia laughed, she was still on the verge of tears, but she could certainly see the humour in the situation.

"I know, and he never got over that. Said I should have come more, like it was my fault or something that you were alone." Owen was ranting now, listing off many of Peter's faults and errors over the years.

"Owen, he left me a letter." Alicia handed the entire folder to him.

"A letter? I thought he never woke up, how did he manage to write you a letter? How much have you had to drink Leesha?"

"I've had three glasses of wine," Alicia rolled her eyes, "he left me a letter…he thought I would get it when he was alive."

"Let me get this straight," Owen sat up in the bed, "your husband, Peter Florrick, wrote you a letter, while he was alive, of things he wanted you to know…when he was dead?"

"No, Owen. It was meant for when we were both alive, just…look at it. Read it Owen, I don't know what to do."

Owen scanned the letter, he could understand why it was upsetting for his sister, why it was causing her more pain and confusion, even though that was clearly not Peter's intention. "Sis, he wanted you to be happy. He was setting you free."

"Free to what though, Owen? Where do I go from here?"

"You get to live the life you want Alicia, but you have to figure out what that life is."

xxx

"Did you read over the proposal?" Cary asked as he walked into Alicia's office, tossing his copy on her desk.

"I did."

"And…"

"It is quite the offer." Alicia clasped her fingers together and placed them on her desk.

"It is quite the offer…" Cary nodded, his voice reaching a higher pitch as he spoke, it was a tell that Alicia had become familiar with over their years working together. "But can we do that? We fought…we've been fighting for so long with them."

"Are we supposed to be fighting forever?" Alicia exhaled, reading into where Cary was going with his comment, "We can go back…I'm sure we could be happy going back…but…is it a step back, or is it a step forward?"

"I think it's a step forward." Cary admitted.

"I think it could be."

"What if we counter?"

"Counter?"

"Well they gave us a proposal, what if we give them a different proposal. We have time left on the lease, we have obligations here."

"Obligations?" Alicia had to admit, other than the physical office equipment, she wasn't sure what was there that couldn't be moved.

"What if we ask them until the end of the year." Cary suggested, "We stay here until the end of the year, we join as partners earlier, but we have a few months here. We can agree to weekly meetings at L/G while they renovate. We can take our offices now, share an office, whatever. It's like they're our parents and we're living in the pool house for a while."

"That isn't a bad idea, it gives us time to keep digging in here and making our own name, but benefiting from the perks of being a part of a big firm."

"And it lets our people know that we don't just jump because Diane and Will want us back…who knows, maybe we downsize this area as a satellite office if people want to stay here. I'm willing to bet our rent is more cost effective." Cary continued, "Also…what the fuck is with the name? Lockhart/Gardner/Florrick/Agos and Associates? That is way too damned long. What about…" he pulled a piece of paper and pen away from Alicia's side of her desk, L/G + F/A & Associates."

"That certainly is less of a mouthful." Alicia agreed, "So…why don't we get this all on paper and we will take it back to them. It is what…July 15? We will stay in our office until the new year at the earliest, weekly meetings at L/G for the partners and then the associates as needed. I'm fine with the financial aspects of the contract…it's more the…we need to be equals." She specified to her partner, Cary nodded his head in agreement, "We want to consider keeping this office space after the new year for budget reasons and also loyalty to those of us who want to stay here. We can offer Diane and Will an office here as well so that they can come and go as they please."

"I'm sure we can carve out some space, throw a glass wall up." Cary chuckled. "We're doing this."

"We're doing this."

xxx

"So you want to merge…but stay where you are?"

"For now." Alicia nodded, it had been nearly two weeks since she and Cary had began drafting their counter offer for Will and Diane, they had spoken to trusted colleagues at the firm to understand what mattered to them, to make a plan to stay true to the firm they wanted to build together. Now the four of them were sitting in Will's office reviewing the proposal that had been sent a day prior. "We have our lease for another 5 months." Alicia explained, "This transition period would give time for us to prepare, for the staff to be… reacquainted without feeling like there is a turf war. Cary and I could share a temporary office here, you and Diane could share a temporary office in our building for the sake of the relationship. Who knows, you might even find you like our setup."

"I doubt it." Diane rolled her eyes with a laugh, "But I understand your point, and I respect your dedication to your employees, as well as your dedication to your…ahem…goals and reasons for leaving in the first place."

"We will bring this forward with the equity partners for a vote, but I believe we have secured enough votes that this should be acceptable." Diane smiled, "I have to be in court, so I will have to get going. Cary, I would like to speak with you if you have a moment? Walk with me?"

"Of course." Cary stood up and nodded his goodbye to Will and Alicia.

Alicia watched as they walked out of the door, Cary was listening intently to Diane as they walked, "Any idea what that is about?" She turned to Will who was sitting in his club chair while she sat on the couch in his office.

"No clue." Will watched, absently tossing a baseball into the air. "Do you think we're being set up?"

"Set up?" Alicia's mind began to race.

Will laughed, he could see that her head was spinning with options, "I'm kidding Alicia, relax. I just meant for us to…resolve our differences."

"Do we still have differences?" Alicia countered firmly, folding her hands in her lap.

"I don't." Will admitted, her husband dying had given him some perspective into how things had gone down when she left the firm, it had still hurt him, but he understood why she had needed to go, why they needed to have distance between them. "Do you?"

"It's all in the past Will, I just want to move forward. If I don't keep going forward…I don't know what will happen."

"You never told me what you ended up deciding with the house Peter bought?" Will tried to make small talk, taking a sip of his coffee.

"I haven't decided yet." Alicia admitted, "In fact, I haven't told anyone other than you, Cary and Owen."

"Wow, quite the company I keep in that group." Will grinned, that grin that reminded her of when they were at Georgetown, "What are you waiting for Alicia?"

It was Alicia's turn to throw her trademark grin at him, she exhaled and took a long sip of her coffee. "I don't know." She admitted, "Zach is leaving for school in a few days, Grace would be happy to move, she has never really loved the apartment. I just feel like so much is changing, and honestly Will," she chuckled, "this place is huge. You would not believe it."

"Show me." Will wiggled an eyebrow.

"Will," Alicia laughed, "I have work."

"We'll call it research." He stood up, "Let's do something fun, we're going to be colleagues again soon, and if I recall, this meeting was scheduled to last several more hours, I won't bite Alicia, promise." He was encouraging because she looked like she needed to do something, she needed to start living her life again.

"Don't you implode or something when you go places like Highland Park?" Alicia laughed as she stood behind him, "Do they notify the eligible bachelor people? Do they take away your title when you go somewhere so… domestic?"

"They don't start looking into eligible bachelor requirements for a few months, keep it off Twitter and we should be fine. Who knows, maybe I'll break the top ten this year?" Will smiled as they walked to the elevator, "I'll drive?" He suggested, Alicia nodded as she leaned her head back. It was a relief, a relief that she and Will were friendly. Fighting with him was exhausting, it had taken so much of her to be angry at him or to be expecting a war with him. Things weren't perfect, they likely wouldn't even be the same again, but maybe that was a good thing? When Alicia had come to work for Lockhart/Gardner, she hadn't been the same woman Will knew at Georgetown, and the woman she was now, after Peter, it wasn't the same woman who had gone to the courthouse that day. They rode silently down the elevator and to the parking garage where Alicia followed the familiar route to his reserved parking spot. Will click the key fob and the two silently got in, Will opening the door for Alicia, she smiled warmly to acknowledge his gesture. "You have the address?"

"I do." Alicia handed him her phone to put it in his GPS. "New car?" She noted.

"Yes, it was a gift to myself when you guys left the firm. Diane calls it a mid life crisis." He admitted of the brand new BMW they were sitting in. Black exterior, caramel interior, every bell and whistle you could imagine. "I'm kidding."

"No you're not." Alicia laughed as the GPS spat out directions and a 27 minute drive with current traffic. "I just needed space Will. I couldn't…I couldn't be a wife and be around you every second of every day…it hurt too much. So I made a choice."

"You chose being in a fake marriage?" Will cut through her words. He hadn't meant to say it as harshly as it came out, but somehow, he hadn't managed to make it sound kind. "I know that we weren't together when you left, but Alicia, I didn't realize it was that bad between us. That you couldn't even stand to work with me."

"Will that wasn't it." Alicia told him, she took her phone back as they made their way through he streets of downtown Chicago, "If I was going to do this thing with Peter, I had to…I couldn't be with you. I couldn't trust myself around you."

Will glanced out the window as they entered the freeway, he tried to hide the smile that was curling on his lips. He wasn't crazy, he hadn't imagined their feelings for each other, it was real. It had hurt so badly because it had meant something to him, to both of them.

They drove in relative silence until the last few minutes of the drive where Alicia pointed out various different landmarks, things from her past that Will couldn't imagine fitting with the woman he had come to know. "That is where the kids went to school, right down there." She pointed as they came to the last several miles. "Please don't judge me for this place." She added, "I swear, it was Peter. It wasn't my idea…it is…big."

Will laughed, he wanted to say something inappropriate, something that long ago they would have found funny, the innuendo, the easy laughter between the two of them. "It seems nice…very….safe." he told her as he pulled into the driveway that the GPS led them to, "Holy shit, Alicia."

"I know." Alicia immediately regretted it, she regretted bringing him here. "We….we should go, we don't need to be here."

"Alicia, I'm kidding, I'm sorry. This is cool, this is a kind thing that Peter did." Will told her, he wasn't sure that he believed what he was saying, but he just wanted her to feel better. "Leesh," he grinned, "what is the harm? Let's just go and have a laugh…enjoy ourselves. There must be a drink in the fridge? Champagne? The realtor must leave champagne when you buy a house like this."

"You're probably not wrong." Alicia laughed, unbuckling her seatbelt, "I haven't even thought about this…I keep trying to block it out, to pretend this…" she gestured towards the front door, "monstrosity isn't here…looming…"

"So sell it." Will shrugged as they walked towards the front door and Alicia pulled out her key, "You don't have to keep it. Be done with it, sell it, take the cash, go buy a Bahama or something and run away from it all."

"So much for that merger?" Alicia laughed, she took a deep breath and the two of them stepped inside.

"I mean…" Will grinned as he looked at the expansive space, decorated in greige tones, grasscloth wall coverings, hardwood floors and a gorgeous curved staircase, "this would be a great place for the company Christmas party."

"You did not just say that?" Alicia laughed as they walked into the home, "He wrote me a letter."

"Peter?"

Alicia nodded as she pulled it out of her purse, "It was like he knew he was saying what he needed to say, even if he didn't know why I would need it so much. He set me free, of the guilt and the pain…the worry of not being enough or letting our family down. He…" she was trying not to cry as she spoke, "he did the right thing for the first time in a long time, and I don't even know what to do with that."

"Leesh," Will draped an arm over her shoulder protectively and pulled her in for a hug, "there is no right way to navigate this. Your relationship with Peter, it was yours and his…only you two know the truth about the nitty gritty details. But if this is a good thing, if this was his way of saying goodbye to whatever you two were…then maybe just accept it and start moving on."

"How do I even move on?" Alicia had to admit, she didn't know. "Do I date? Do I move into the house that he bought for me? Do I become a cat lady? Do I work harder? How do I move on from this? I watched him, I held him as he said the last things he would ever say to his family."

"So take those things Alicia, take all of his hopes for you and use them to be a better person, a better lawyer, a better…whatever." Will looked out a set of windows that showed the incredible view over Lake Michigan, "Sometimes people come into our lives and even if it's messy and not perfect, they leave us better than how they found us. I know that is what you did to me. Before you, I didn't think I deserved good things, I thought I was a bad person who could never have a fulfilling life because of it. You showed me time and time again, that I was worthy of something more. I don't have it, I don't have the life that I hope to have one day, not yet, but I at least look in the mirror and because of you, I know I can have more."