A/N - I'm excited to see that ya'll are enjoying this! I sat on this story for awhile and am glad to finally be able to post it. For the person that asked for a chapter count- It's not split, so part of the wait has been editing and morphing a giant word doc into chapters. It will be like at least 20, probably more. Enjoy!
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The next couple of weeks passed by smoothly. Alison spent her weeks prepping for the upcoming semester. She was teaching a full schedule of English classes as well as taking the first steps to getting her PhD. It was relaxing to spend her days on her apartment balcony sipping coffee and taking literature notes. The weekends were spent entertaining two rambunctious four-year-olds, which she truly loved every moment of.
Emily's weekdays were business as usual. She'd get the girls up and Pam would spend a few hours with them while Emily coached her swim practices at the local pool. Sometimes the twins joined and she'd work with them in the pool after her team was finished. She'd taught them to swim last summer and was excited to get them into swimming as they got older.
They continued their bedtime story FaceTimes each night whether the girls were at home in Rosewood or with Alison. Emily and Alison remained friendly and cordial. The seams in the transition started to fade and it almost felt normal.
Almost.
There were still times when they tiptoed around each other. Still times when one girl wanted to say something to the other, but didn't. Times when they made sure not to smile for too long or linger in the other's presence. Still, though, they tried to at least play it off as normal.
Emily had decided to host everyone on the Fourth of July. Spencer and Toby drove in from Philly and Hanna and Caleb came over with Aidan. Emily made sure that Alison felt welcome as well and the blonde took her up on the offer, though she planned to spend the night in the barn with Spencer and Toby.
The friends enjoyed each other's company while the children played together in the backyard. At one point, Alison had left the group to go to the kitchen. Emily didn't realize that she was staring at the other girl as she walked away, but another blonde took notice. She elbowed Emily in the side.
"Ow! What was that for?" Emily turned towards Hanna while she rubbed the spot that had just been jabbed.
"You know". Hanna raised her eyebrows at the brunette.
"No," she scoffed, "I really don't".
"I'm going to do that every time I catch you staring at your ex".
Emily rolled her eyes. "That wasn't what was happening".
"Spence?" Hanna asked to get a third opinion.
"No comment". Spencer had no desire to get involved one way or the other. She, Hanna, and Aria had vowed to do their best to remain impartial after Alison and Emily broke up and commenting on things like this felt like she was going against that. She finished her wine and stood up to go get more from the kitchen.
"Okay," Hanna redirected, "It might not have been obvious, but I know you". She spoke with the matter of fact tone that she used when she didn't want to beat around the bush. Emily never offered up how she was feeling, especially in terms of the divorce and her current relationship with her ex-wife. Hanna found that she had to be pushy to get information out of her.
"Ali and I are both doing our best. Progress isn't always linear, but we're both focused on keeping a positive relationship for ourselves and those around us". She'd gotten that line directly from one of her sessions with Doctor Brown, but Hanna didn't need to know that.
"Mhm, and what happens when you slip and all of the progress goes down the drain?"
"I won't," she pressed her teeth together. She would always be attracted to Alison. She loved her. But she vowed to herself when Alison moved back not to let anything physical happen.
Even if the blonde looked gorgeous in her red sundress.
Hanna narrowed her eyes slightly. "When is the last time you've been with another woman?" She asked.
Emily shrugged, "I guess last year".
"You need to get back out there".
"I will, okay?" Emily was starting to feel exasperated by the conversation. She was tipsy from the beer she was drinking and it was hot outside and she couldn't really take it anymore. She stood up and headed for the kitchen for some water before she realized that Hanna was pregnant and probably feeling a little uncomfortable herself. "Do you want anything?"
The blonde smiled and offered out her glass, "I'd love another lemonade over ice" she batted her eyelashes at her friend.
Emily rolled her eyes, but took the glass anyway. Spencer walked out of the back door as she was walking in, leaving her in the kitchen alone with Alison who was getting out some crackers and cheese to put onto a tray.
"Everything okay?" Alison asked, taking note of Emily's expression. For better or for worse they still had a good pulse on one another and knew each other's mannerisms all too well.
Emily forced a smile and held up the glass, "Yeah, Hanna is being Hanna. She would like lemonade with extra ice".
Alison laughed and stopped what she was doing to grab the lemonade from the fridge. She passed it over and smirked, "Shouldn't you be used to demanding pregnant blondes?"
Emily tried to bite back a smile, but couldn't help but chuckle. Alison's pregnancy with the twins had felt like it had lasted for an eternity. She was sick, moody, and demanding nearly the entire time. Emily had been compassionate throughout, thankful that Alison had agreed to the pregnancy at all and just plain stupid in love with her. Plus, she thought, it wasn't all bad.. the demanding part also applied to the bedroom and Emily was always willing to comply.
They continued in silence for a moment, both lost in thought. Emily felt the need to fill the silence and said the first thing that came to mind.
"Is that a new dress?"
Alison froze for a second and stared at the block of cheese she was slicing before looking back up at the brunette. "New-ish I guess. Why?"
Emily didn't miss the slight flush on her normally pale cheeks. Hopefully she wasn't making the blonde uncomfortable.
"Just didn't recognize it".
The stared at each other in another moment of silence, both unsure what to say. Luckily there was an outside interruption.
"Mommy can we have another cupcake?" Lily yelled as she ran into the kitchen, trailed by Grace and Aidan.
And with that Emily ducked back outside leaving Alison to break the news to the children that they'd run out of cupcakes over an hour ago.
The rest of their holiday had gone smoothly. They lit sparklers and watched fireworks. Hanna and Caleb left first to take a sleepy Aidan home and shortly after Emily went inside to put the twins to bed before retiring herself. Alison and Spencer stayed outside late into the night sitting by the fire, laughing, and drinking wine together.
Late in the night, Emily awoke with a start when she heard a commotion in the house. Once she got her bearings, she realized that the noise was coming from downstairs. It sounded like a door and footsteps and she immediately jumped out of bed to spring into action. No matter how much time had gone by or how much therapy she undertook, she still had certain reflexes from the days spent terrified of A and AD. Her protective nature from the years past was even more amplified now that she was a mother and she would do anything to protect her girls. She grabbed the closest heavy object she she could find and slowly crept downstairs.
The noise was coming from the kitchen and sounded like someone was trying to get in the back door. Her heart started pounding in her chest as the adrenaline began to take over. She knew that Alex had gone to Oregon to cause trouble and Emily had been on edge for the last year waiting for something like this to happen. She peaked cautiously around the corner to spy into the kitchen before heading in.
She wasn't greeted by a masked intruder. Or an escaped Alex. Or even a sly Mary Drake.
Instead, she saw a mass of blonde hair facing the back door, swaying slightly as she repeatedly tried and failed to latch the lock back into place. She would recognize Alison anywhere, but it was particularly easy to know for sure that it was her by the wrinkled, slightly hiked red sundress that Emily had taken note of earlier in the day.
"Alison?" Her voice came out in a fast hushed whisper. She didn't want to wake the twins up, especially when it wasn't clear exactly what in the world Ali was doing in the house in the middle of the night. What time was it anyway?
The blonde turned around, squinting her eyes slightly before the recognition came in. "Oh..." she gazed around the kitchen for a moment looking slightly disoriented, "Hi".
"What are you doing?" Emily asked, crossing her arms in front of her. She wasn't mad per say- she was more relieved than anything that someone wasn't breaking into her house. Still though, what the hell?
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Alison turned back to the lock, "I'm trying to get this... thing to stay shut".
Emily could recognize the frustrated tone in her voice and she couldn't help but feel amused by it. Normally, when Alison was frustrated Emily wanted to stay far away but right now it was kind of cute because of how tipsy she was.
She walked up to give some sober assistance, "Here.. let me get it". She nudged her from the door and flipped the lock around the right way.
Alison had a slightly defeated look on her face causing Emily to huff out a short laugh. "You okay? How much did you and Spencer have to drink?" She tilted her head at the blonde.
"I'm not sure..." Alison's forehead creased in thought, "A lot I think". She took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly as she leaned against the kitchen counter.
Emily had seen Alison's post-wine crashes enough times to know that it wouldn't be a smooth walk next door back to the barn. Plus, she wouldn't kick Ali out of their house. Despite that it was technically her home after the divorce, Emily still strangely considered it 'theirs'.
She put her hand gently on the blonde's shoulder, "How about I help you get to bed?"
Alison opened her eyes and stared at Emily for a second before a loopy smile formed on her face. "I think I need to go to bed," she agreed with an off balanced nod.
They walked the short distance to the first floor master suite. Emily held onto Alison's arm to keep her steady and opened the door to the bedroom for her once they got there. Alison immediately dove into the bed, sundress and all, and climbed under the covers, laying her head on the pillow. Emily shook her head, but still couldn't find it in her to be annoyed.
"I'm going to grab you some water," she told the half awake blonde, walking out in the direction of the kitchen.
The truth was that drunk Alison had always been one of her favorite versions of the other girl. Emily found that when she herself had too much to drink that her protective and defensive tendencies took over. Sometimes she was a Happy Drunk, but more often than not, she became a Sad Drunk or a Mad Drunk. It was part of the reason that she tried not to over drink often if at all anymore. Alison on the other hand, who had her own bitchy and defensive traits when she was sober usually became the completely opposite when she drank. She could be pensive at times, but usually she turned silly or giggly. It was a rarity because Ali had been pregnant and then breast feeding for a huge chunk of their relationship, but whenever the blonde had a few drinks, Emily looked forward to Alison's demeanor softening because her guard was completely down. Emily could vividly remember their wedding night, both of them drunk off of champagne and each other. They'd spent hours smiling together, kissing, making love throughout the night. It was one of the best memories of the brunette's lifetime.
Even though now the circumstances of their relationship were vastly different, seeing Alison like this brought up those happy memories for her. It made Emily feel very forgiving of Alison waking her up in the middle of the night.
Alison was still awake when Emily returned to the bedroom. She was curled up with her head on the pillow, but still had one eye peaking out at the brunette. Emily sat the water on the bedside and lingered by the bed for a moment. This territory felt unfamiliar and while she didn't feel uncomfortable, she wasn't exactly sure what she was supposed to do.
"Get some sleep, okay?" She gave a light rub to Alison's shoulder on top of the comforter and slowly turned to exit the room.
"Are you going to bed?" Alison's questioned in a quiet mumble.
Emily stopped by the door and turned back toward the blonde. "Yeah, do you need anything before I go?"
Alison thought for a minute and sat up in the bed a bit. "But where are you..." she trailed off, looking around the room in confusion. It took a minute for Emily to realize what must have been confusing the other girl. It had been almost a year since she'd made the change, but she was still surprised that she hadn't realized sooner.
She'd put Alison to bed in her old room. Their old room.
The previous year, Emily had bought a new bedroom set and moved into a room upstairs. It had been one of Doctor Brown's suggestions- a new space, away from old memories. Alison had slept in the bedroom downstairs a few times when she had visited over school breaks, but hey hadn't been in the room together though at any point. Not since the divorce anyway.
Did Alison think that Emily was going to sleep there too?
Emily walked back over to the bed, and sat on the edge. "I moved upstairs, remember?" She gave a cautious half smile and tilted her head at the other girl.
"Oh, you.." Alison nodded drunkingly and slid back down towards the pillow, "Right.."
"Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"
Alison's eyes were closed and she breathing had slowed, but she reached out from under the covers and found Emily's hand that had been resting on the comforter. "Thanks, Em". She squeezed the brunette's hand and then returned her own back under covers.
Emily watched for a minute as the blonde's breathing steadied and she started to drift off. She wasn't sure why, but she felt almost sad. This wasn't the first time that Alison had stayed in that room, but something was still pulling at her heart. There was a part of her that would always be in love with the blonde- she couldn't deny it, and honestly she didn't feel the need to- but logically she knew that they were divorced for a reason. No matter how much they'd loved each other, it hadn't been enough at the time. That was what she told herself, and what she reminded herself whenever she started to go down memory lane.
She stood up and walked out of the room, whispering a 'goodnight' and closed the door behind her.
That night she dreamt about her wedding night. She and Alison had gotten married just over three years ago, but it was still a vivid memory that made for even more vivid dreams. She dreamt about getting ready, feeling nervous, and then seeing Alison for the first time. Her heart swelled in her chest while she dreamt the same way that it had on the day of their wedding. She dreamt about their first dance, and the champagne toasts. They had been drunk off of each other before they had even had a sip of alcohol. She dreamt of the night they spent together after the wedding. Uninhibited tipsy kisses, hands everywhere, so much laughter, so much love.
The next morning she woke up alone. She'd had that dream before and knew right when she woke up that it was back to the reality of the present. They'd had a beautiful wedding, but now they were divorced, and she had a likely very hungover ex-wife sleeping downstairs. She got out of bed to start her day, knowing that there was about a twenty minute gap of peace left before the twins would be up and demanding breakfast. She tiptoed down to the kitchen to make some coffee.
Just a few rooms over, Alison's morning was beginning much less peacefully. She came to in a haze that was still clouded by last night's wine. She felt hot, her head was pounding, and... was she in her old room? She took a look at her surroundings and quickly realized that she wasn't in Spencer's barn. She was inside of her old house. In the room that she used to share with Emily.
And all that she could think was 'How the hell did I get here?'
She sat up and tried to get her bearings but her head was giving her trouble. Her memories from the previous evening were foggy. She remembered migrating to Spencer's backyard after everyone else had left and gone to bed. She remembered the two of them opening a third bottle of wine. And then... how did she end up back in her old house? She racked her brain trying to remember, but nothing was coming up. Had she seen Emily? Had the twins seen her stumbling around? She flopped back onto the pillow, her headache starting to feel worse, and covered her face with her hands and groaned.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed or if she'd fallen back asleep, but she opened her eyes again when she heard a light knock on the door. Emily opened the door slowly after a few seconds and walked in, closing the door behind her.
"Hey..." she greeted quietly, "how are you feeling?"
Alison tried to sit up, but she didn't get very far. She felt like absolutely shit.
"Not good".
Emily gave a light laugh and rubbed the back of her neck, "Yeah, I was thinking that's about where you'd be at this morning".
Alison tried to get a read on her. So she had definitely seen Emily at some point last night, but what were the specifics? She felt her heart speed up slightly
In her chest. She hadn't come on to the other girl, had she? Oh god..
"I brought you some Advil, maybe that will help?" She walked closer to the bed and put the pills next to the water that she had put there the previous evening.
"Em, I..." she scrunched her face up in thought, "I'm so sorry but, I don't really remember coming in her last night". She nervously peeked up at the brunette. "I didn't..." she couldn't finish the question.. she wasn't even sure if she wanted to know.
"You weren't too bad. Don't worry," Emily shrugged.
"I guess I woke up you though, didn't I? Did Lily and Grace wake up too?"
"Oh, no," Emily waves her off, "I thought that a murderer was breaking into the kitchen, but once I realized that it was just you stumbling around everything was fine. I got you into bed and you were basically out right away".
Alison hoped that she wasn't leaving anything out, but at the same time she also didn't want to hear if she'd done anything truly embarrassing.
"Plus," Emily laughed, "according to Toby, Spencer is still out cold so I'm sure that you two were both on the same level last night".
Alison grimaced. They had drank a lot.
"Em, just so you know this isn't... normal behavior for me". She didn't want Emily to think that she was off drinking her weight in wine every night. Especially since she had the girls now for a part of the week. She was worried that this would impact Emily's trust in her. "I don't drink when I have Lily and Grace. Ever".
"Oh- no, you're fine, Ali. Seriously," Emily reassured her. "Yesterday was a weeknight, so technically I was on Mom duty. I'm not, like, mad or anything".
Alison studied her for a few seconds and felt content that Emily was telling her the truth. She had promised herself that she wouldn't give Emily any reasons not to trust her, and this wasn't the best start. It seemed like Emily was working on herself too though and not jumping to any conclusions. She felt at peace for the first time since she woke up.
Emily started talking again, filling the silence while she thought. "So, the girls were asking me to go on a bike ride.. I thought it would be good to get them out of the house so you can get yourself together?"
"So they don't know I'm here?"
"No," Emily laughed, "I figured that you didn't want them running in here and jumping all over you".
Alison groaned, "No, I don't think I could handle that this morning".
"I made them breakfast and they're playing outside now, so it's up to you what you want to do. I actually have some leftover bacon and eggs if you're hungry?"
"I definitely can't eat," Alison grimaced, "I think I'll straighten up and then head home while you guys are out. Are you still good with dropping them off Friday?"
"Yep," Emily smiled and peeked put into the hallway, "I'm going to get them moving though".
"Yeah, sure.." Alison looked at the Advil, knowing that this meant that she had to get moving too. She also wanted to call Spencer and give the other girl a wake up call. If she had to feel this bad you had better bet that she was going to make sure that Spencer was awake to feel her hangover too.
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Following the Fourth of July incident, Emily did a lot of thinking the next few days. She really hadn't been mad at Alison, but she did feel a bit mad at herself. She'd had dreams of the blonde before, she actually had plenty of them recently. The one that she had the night that she put Ali to bed though was so vivid. It worried the brunette. She'd been nervous from the start that she would start to slip into old patterns of thought and would start to fall for Alison again. She wasn't sure if that was what was happening or not, but she decided that she wasn't going to wait to find out.
She went over to Hanna and Caleb's house for dinner that Saturday night and when she was finally alone with Hanna, she decided to breach the topic.
"So," she started facing the blonde across the couch, "I've been thinking about what you said the other day.."
"I say a lot of things, you'll have to be more specific," her pregnant friend smarted back.
Emily rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly, "You know.. about like.. dating again". She had originally hoped that she wouldn't have to spell it out, but she also figured that talking about it and saying the words out loud would be a good first step.
"Yeah?!" Hanna clapped her hands together as her expression changed from cranky to one sparked with excitement, "And?"
"And I think you're right," Emily shrugged, "I think that I need to give it a try".
Hanna eyed her friend, trying to get a read on the sudden shift in the brunette's attitudee. "This doesn't have anything to do with the Fourth of July when Alison got all super tipsy in her cute little dress, does it?" She smirked.
Word had spread through their circle of friends that Spencer and Ali had gotten shit faced that night and Hanna had immediately grilled Emily afterward, suspicious that something may have transpired.
"I told you before that wasn't a big deal. It's not like anything happened," She shook her head.
"Right… so why the change of heart then?" Hanna asked.
Emily didn't answer right away. Talking to any of her friends about her feelings since the divorce had been a struggle of hers. She opened up to Doctor Brown in their therapy sessions, but really that was it. She didn't even discuss what she was feeling with her mother. After the divorce, she put so much emphasis on her daughters. Any time that someone asked about how Emily was doing, she would immediately redirect to the girls and would never discuss her own feelings.
And the truth was that she didn't want to talk about it because she was heartbroken.
She'd spent years loving Alison and when they got together, she felt like it was finally their chance. The circumstances between them getting together were far from perfect- they were actually terrible- but Emily didn't feel like anything was forced. She just thought it was a part of their story.
Turns out, when you start a relationship amid being stalked by a mystery person and have children together because the same mystery person violated both of you there are going to be problems. Emily knows now that they should have slowed things down, that they should have talked more. They should have opened up to one another about the past and the present because in the end that had destroyed their future. When she made the decision to file for divorce it was because she truly believed that their marriage could never work. She told herself that she would need to move on from Alison. She'd loved the girl her whole life, but their marriage falling apart was proof that they could never work.
She'd found herself thinking about the past a lot over the last few weeks, almost as if she was clinging to it. And Emily knew from experience what happened when she clung to her past.
After the divorce papers were signed and Alison was in Beacon Heights, they'd both found themselves clinging on to the past. They'd texted more often than they should have, said things that should have been left unsaid, and shared one too many late night phone calls. The last one of which had crossed the line from platonic to sexy. When Alison came back to Rosewood over Thanksgiving, they'd stayed up late talking and the talking turned into kissing. Before it got too far, they had gotten into a fight, and the next day Emily decided to spend the rest of Thanksgiving weekend at her mother's house.
She felt herself getting close to Alison again, and she knew that she needed to make sure that nothing skated past friendly. She felt herself craving physical affection lately more than ever and while she acknowledged that a part of it was because of the blonde's return, she also knew that she could remedy it by finding someone else to occupy her thoughts.
"It's just time, Hanna," she told the other girl finally. When the blonde didn't look convinced, she elaborated, "You're right.. I am getting close to Alison again, but we have kids together so not being close isn't really an option" she shrugged.
"But if you have someone else, maybe you won't accidentally slip and have phone sex with your ex wife again," Hanna finished for her, raising her eyebrows with a smirk.
"It was literally one time almost two years ago," Emily huffed, "but that's the idea, yeah".
Hanna nodded and studied her. Emily hated when she did that. She had felt like her friends had been writing a book on her and Alison for the last few years and she was getting sick of feeling like everyone else was an expert on her life.
"Sooo.. should we go out one night and see if there is anyone worth meeting?" Emily redirected.
"Yeah right, I'm six months pregnant," Hanna snorted, "Plus things are way easier these days. I've already made dating profiles for you on several different sites".
"You... what?" Emily blinked.
"That's how you meet people. It'll be fun. I just have to hit activate, and we can swipe through all of Rosewood's eligible women together."
"Absolutely not".
"Emily, I know that you've been out of the dating game for awhile but no one actually meets in bars anymore".
"And how would you know that?" Emily raised an eyebrow.
"Because I employ about a dozen girls in their early twenties at my design boutiques so I keep up with the trends. They're all on the dating apps".
Emily still felt skeptical, "Well why don't you just set me up with one of them then?" she asked. It was a joke.. unless…
"Because they've already found people on the sites, so that's why we need to hurry it up and get your profiles active". Hanna jumped up to go grab her computer leaving Emily in the living room. She rubbed her temple. What was she getting herself into here?
It turned out that the dating sites and apps that were available actually weren't that bad. Emily spent the rest of that night diving back into the dating pool and reading profiles of other single girls in the area.
By the time she woke up the next day she had dozens of messages to go through. She was shocked at how quickly people reached out after matching with her and sorted through all of the various, "Hey, I love your pictures" and the "We should get together sometime" messages to see who might be worth meeting out there. It was like entering another world and definitely provided her the distraction that she was looking for on the weekends. It wasn't exactly enough that she thought she would find anyone serious right away, but it did make her feel hopeful and definitely provided relief from having any dreams about Alison. She felt like she was on the right track, and felt confident that they could continue building a position platonic relationship without the risk of slipping. For now anyway.
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A/N - Thanks for reading! I'll try to get the next one edited and on here as soon as I can. I'm on the quarantine work from home schedule so luckily the same laptop that I am "working" on is the same one I am editing on. Love the reviews, feel free to drop your thoughts. And because it can always be said right now- Stay safe and HANG IN THERE. We'll get through this together.