Disclaimer: I do not own The Good Wife

AN: Ok...so i can't say how often I will update this because I am angry with TGW right now but...this came to me, and I had a very sweet PM from a reader encouraging me...so here it is. We fast forward a bit, and maybe a little progress? Maybe not...

Chapter Seven

Grace looked at her mother and inhaled, "this is strange," she stated quietly as they stared up at the enormous Christmas tree.

"It is, isn't it?" Alicia nodded, "is your brother home? How long has he been gone?"

"Relax mom, he is picking her up from the airport and then he'll be home," Grace referred to the fact that Zach had asked if his new girlfriend could come home for the holidays.

Alicia nodded to Grace and sighed, "sorry, this is all just…strange." He had mentioned it at Thanksgiving, their first holiday in the new house, and Alicia had reluctantly agreed. She had reluctantly agreed to most things these days, a combination of guilt over the fact that Peter was dead, and fear that if she said no to these things, Zach would simply choose not to come home at all. She had told him that she would have to sleep in a guest room, and he had agreed, but that was the extent of Alicia's mothering about this trip home. It was Christmas Eve, and it was the first year without Peter…she had thought Christmas was strange when he was in jail, but this was a whole other level of strange and she hated it.

"When will Eli be here?" Grace asked as she took a step towards the tree and adjusted an ornament.

"Soon," Alicia shrugged. They were celebrating Christmas Eve as a family, and then the kids had agreed that they would go and celebrate on Christmas Day with Jackie. Alicia couldn't handle going. She had invited Jackie for Thanksgiving and enjoyed an evening of passive aggressive digs.

I saw your firm is representing an accused murderer… what an interesting choice.

My friend Pearl saw you out and about last week, she said she wasn't sure who you were with but that you looked to be having a lovely evening with a man…

This must be so much easier for you now…you can just live your life however you want.

Alicia had tried to be patient, she had tried to be kind and considerate, but she wasn't in the mood to spend Christmas Day with a woman who showed her absolutely no respect, and a woman who had the audacity to question how she was moving on with her life months after her husband died. Her husband, who while she loved, and there was a time she had been in love with him, he was not a romantic partner to her. The further Alicia got from the shooting, the more she realized that Peter was a dear friend, a confidante, but she wasn't in love with him when she died, and she didn't have to grieve him as though she was.

She had gone on a handful of dates over the last couple of months. None had led to any second dates, but she was trying to get herself out there. Cary had encouraged her to spread her wings, he knew that Grace would be gone soon and with Zach already out of the house, the last thing he wanted was for Alicia to be alone and working more than she already did.

So now, for Christmas Eve, she was having Eli Gold and Cary Agos for dinner. Cary had initially said he was bringing a date but had told her a couple days prior that he wouldn't be, and Eli advised her that he had no plans for Christmas Eve, normally he would have takeout and stay home, or on some years he had been invited to the Florrick house for their festivities. "I'm going to check on the turkey," Alicia told Grace who nodded her head and let Alicia know that she was going to go to her room and read. This wasn't what they normally did. She knew that this was all different, too different. After checking on the turkey she returned to her main floor bedroom to take a look at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a grey Merino wool sweater and dark jeans, diamond studs in her ears and her hair was blown out at her shoulders. Alicia noticed how tired she looked. Work had been crazy, between cases and managing the merger, she felt like all she did was work. It wasn't uncommon for her to spend twelve to fifteen hours at the office on any given day. She would spend most of her day at the Florrick/Agos offices and then spend a portion of her evenings at Lockhart/Gardner making plans. It would be over soon, as of January 1, the staff would be moving back to the old office, and everyone would be under one roof, all of the involved parties had agreed it was what they wanted, and so Cary and Alicia had quickly agreed as well. Alicia was brought out of her thoughts and self deprecation by the sound of the doorbell. She exhaled and flattened her sweater before heading to the front door and swinging it open, "Eli, Merry Christmas," Alicia embraced him with a hug.

"Merry Christmas Alicia," Eli handed her a bottle of what she assumed was very expensive wine, "thank you for having me tonight."

"Of course, you're family," Alicia smiled and thanked him for the bottle, "come on, let's get you a drink?" she led him into the kitchen and poured him a glass of scotch without so much as asking what it was that he wanted. He took it, appreciatively and frowned slightly as she poured herself one as well. "Here's to family."

"To family," Eli nodded as their glasses clinked and they both tossed back the liquid, Alicia wiping her lips with the back of her hand as she did. "Alicia…"

"It's just…hard," she admitted softly. "I'm sorry, you're a guest…I just…I don't want to burden my kids with this, but it's so damned hard."

"I know," Alicia put a hand on her shoulder, offering what little support he could. "Who is coming tonight?"

"You and Cary, the kids…Zach is bringing his girlfriend, he's gone to pick her up now."

"Is he still with…what was her name?"

"Neesa? No," Alicia shook her head, "this girl he met at Georgetown, her name is Michelle, she is apparently very nice. Her family is from Arizona I think? So she wasn't going home for the holidays, but her parents are meeting her in Manhattan I think she said for New Years, so he wanted to bring her here…"

"Wow," Eli's eyes widened ever so slightly.

"Wow is right," Alicia repeated with a laugh, "they'll go see Jackie tomorrow, I don't have it in me to have that fight anymore. Not after Thanksgiving."

"That was particularly awful, even for Jackie. Where are Owen and Veronica?"

"Owen is…finding himself?" Alicia laughed, "he will be home in the new year, and Mom is in… Orlando with some guy she met online. You know Veronica."

"I do," Eli smiled as Alicia poured them each another drink.

xxx

"Alicia," Eli exhaled as he and Alicia sat sharing another drink long after the kids had gone to bed, "I need to ask you something."

"Personal or professional?" Alicia leaned her head back against the chair, closing her eyes as she spoke.

"Personal…well…both."

"Spit it out," she gestured vaguely into the air.

"Why did you and Will end it?" Eli asked her calmly, "was it just…was it just sex? Did you love him?"

Alicia was just drunk enough to answer the question. She smiled. Her eyes were still closed and her head was facing the ceiling, she licked her lips before she spoke. "I loved him. I was…I was in love with him. There were a few times that I thought we could make a go of it…but I never knew where he stood. He never…we weren't really good at telling each other how we felt. So I was scared, and when Grace went…missing, or whatever you want to call it…I just couldn't do it. I couldn't live both lives. But I also couldn't ask him to ask me to leave. I couldn't leave Peter and the kids if I wasn't sure, but Will never told me. He never told me how he felt. I still don't know how he felt about me…I can assume…given how he reacted when I left the firm, but…"

Eli nodded, he understood what she was saying. "Do you think you two would have been happy?"

Alicia moved her head to look at him, her eyes opening as she did, "why do you ask, Eli?" she knew Eli well enough to know that he never asked anything just for fun…there was always a reason for his questions.

"I have to tell you something," Eli admitted. He leaned forward and put his glass down on the coffee table and he stood up, he expected he would need to make a hasty exit. "He…Will…he did. He told you how he felt. You just…you didn't get the message."

"I didn't get the message?"

"He would give up everything for you. He didn't have a plan, but you would figure it out…if you were together you would figure it out…he had loved you, since Georgetown," Eli paused, he watched as Alicia's eyes went dark, filled with shock, anger, frustration, and Eli was sure he could see a little bit of hatred in there. "You were about to go on stage with Peter, he was going to announce his run for States Attorney, and…well…I needed you, so I deleted the message, and you never heard it. And now…here we are…Peter is dead, and you are about to be alone on Christmas because I was too afraid that you might ruin my chances by choosing the person you loved over an obligation to a man who had betrayed you so many times."

"You need to leave," Alicia told him firmly.

"I'm sorry," Eli nodded, his own eyes were watering ever so slightly, knowing that he had betrayed one of the few people he had left that he truly cared about. "If I could…" he swallowed the lump in his throat, "if I could change it, if I could undo it…I would."

"Get. Out."

xxx

Alicia had barely slept. She had heard the kids up around ten and had gotten out of bed, she had made breakfast and had gotten to know Zach's new girlfriend, the girl seemed nice enough. They had exchanged gifts. Alicia had gotten Zach a new set of bluetooth headphones he had wanted and gave her son a generous cheque to ensure he would be alright while he was at school. She had purchased Grace a new iPad and gave her some money as well, and for Michelle, she had given her a gift card to a store that Zach had told her she would like, simply a token to show that she had been thought of, and that she was welcome in the Florrick home. Grace had given Alicia a photobook that she had made, memories from their childhood, pictures of the four of them as a family, Alicia had cried as she leafed through the pages and smiled at the happy moments on the pages. Zach on the other hand had purchased his mother a new wallet, a practical gift as he had noticed hers was falling apart at Thanksgiving. Alicia had enjoyed her time with her children, and in some ways was sad to see them leave to see Jackie, but she knew that her mother in law needed the company, she just couldn't be the one to go see her. Her responsibility to Jackie had ended the moment Jackie had chosen to question how she grieved, the moment that Jackie had, seemingly for the millionth time, told Alicia that she wasn't enough, she wasn't good enough, she wasn't strong enough, she wasn't stoic enough and now, she wasn't sad enough. It was nearly four in the afternoon when Alicia had finished tidying up from the events of the last twenty four hours. She went into her massive walk in closet and pulled out a dress. It was beautiful. She had bought it just before she and Cary had left Lockhart/Gardner, but it had sat in her closet for quite some time. It was a stunning, red, Giorgio Armani ruched sheath dress, the truth was, she had bought it with Will in mind, she paired it with a black Burberry cashmere trench coat and a pair of heels that were beyond impractical, but she wasn't getting dressed to be practical, she was getting dressed to be impulsive. Alicia grabbed her purse and her phone and walked to her car, she was on autopilot, she was doing what she had been thinking of doing since Eli had left at almost two in the morning.

Eli.

He had tried to call, he had texted, he had left voicemails apologizing, telling her he would make it right, that he would make it up to her. Alicia would deal with him later. She loved Eli, he was her family. After all they had been through, she was furious with him, but she knew she would forgive him…she just needed to sort things out first. She wasn't sure how fast she drove to get there. She knew he had seen his family the night before, and that he was alone on Christmas Day, he had told her that his sister Sara had invited him, of course, out of obligation, but that he had declined, he was happy spending his Christmas alone. Watching TV shows he hadn't had a chance to catch up on and reading. He had told her that he would be reading. She parked her car in the underground parking, she only had access because he had given her and Cary a visitor pass a couple weeks prior when they were going to be working on a case at his condo. Alicia had known that of course when she chose the completely impractical heels to drive in, she wouldn't have to brave any snow. She walked to the elevator, anxiously pressing the button until the door opened and she stepped in, pressing the button for his floor, trying to ignore all of the worry that was telling her to turn the other way, to leave, to pretend she didn't know. They were friends. Things were fine between them. But did she want them to be fine?

She stood in front of his door and waited for a moment. More than once she raised her closed hand to knock, only to stop just before she did. She thought of her children. They were, after all, the reason she never left Peter all those years ago. Did she owe it to them? To stay single? To 'honour' her marriage by ignoring her heart. Or maybe did she owe it to them to try? Did she owe it to them to tell Will how she felt. To give them a chance…she had no idea how Will felt about her now, but she did know that underneath everything else. After everything else, she still loved him. She loved listening to him talk, she loved watching him in court, she loved how he took care of the people he loved, she loved that he was selfless, she thought he was the smartest man she had ever known. She was in love with Will Gardner, and maybe she had been this entire time, she had to try. She had to give him the chance to tell her again.

Alicia knocked on the door and waited. She could hear footsteps, they got closer and the door swung open, revealing a smiling Will Gardner. His head cocked to the side when he saw her, "'Leesh, everything alright?"

"Can I come in?" Alicia asked, suddenly feeling butterflies in her stomach.

"Of course," Will opened the door and allowed her access to his home. She stopped just inside and looked at him, "are you alright?" he repeated.

"Eli was over last night."

"He mentioned it a few days ago that you had invited him…"

"He told me…he told me that you called. That you left a second message. You had a plan," Alicia could feel tears coming to her eyes. "I didn't know. I didn't know you left that message…if I had known…it would have…" tears were now streaming down her face as Will stood in front of her, the confusion on his face was changing to a small smile as he listened to her ramble on. "I love you Will…you told me that you loved me…so here I am. I love you too."

"Alicia," Will interrupted her, he took another step towards her, tentatively, his right hand reached for her cheek and he smiled as she pressed her cheek into his palm and closed her eyes. He didn't finish what he was saying. Instead he kissed her, the hand that had been on her cheek moved to the back of her neck and his left hand moved to her hip, pulling her body as close as he could to him as his lips pressed against hers firmly. Their tongues danced for a moment, Alicia let her hands roam to the back of his neck, she played with his hair for a moment before she pulled away for air, smiling as he rested his forehead against hers, "I love you."