A/N - Another update! Loving the reviews and hearing from your guys! Quarantine has been a little lonely, and this had made things a little better for me so THANK YOU! Enjoy the chapter!
—
As the Summer came to a close and Emily, Alison, and the daughters settled into new routines, new issues came up as well. Both girls knew that it was inevitable, but navigating life as 'friends' and co-parenting two four-year-olds had its unique challenges. What was surprising to both of them was that the arrangement on a macro scale worked nearly seamlessly. Emily dropped them on Friday, Alison brought them back Sunday, and Lily and Grace were happy throughout. It was little things in between that they found themselves struggling with the most -things that neither of them had thought about.
They both knew that it was important to make sure that they were communicating so that the little issues didn't build up, but that didn't mean that it was easy. In the history of their relationship, it had been little things adding up that had started to unravel their marriage and they were trying to avoid another meltdown.
For Alison, she struggled with finding a balance of following along with the way that Emily had been raising the girls and inserting her own beliefs and practices. She wasn't sure where to butt in and where to just go along with the flow. There were certain practices that had been longstanding that they agreed on, like getting the girls into bed by seven each night.
Some things fell through the cracks, though, and Alison's first issue came one Saturday evening when she sat the girls down for dinner. The meal was typical- chicken, some pasta noodles, and broccoli. It became clear that the girls enjoyed the chicken and the noodles, but neither touched their broccoli. Typically there were no problems with the girls eating their vegetables. Both Alison and Emily were good about keeping the girls meals balanced. It was something that they had talked about early on when the girls were babies and continued throughout the years. Lily and Grace almost always complied; They knew that they were expected to eat all parts of their meals.
"Is something wrong with the broccoli, girls?" Alison asked, looking back and forth between her two daughters across the table.
Both girls shook their heads and continued poking at their noodles.
"Are you both saving the best for last then?" She pushed.
The two girls looked between each other and it was Grace that spoke up, "Mama doesn't make us eat the green stuff anymore," She informed Alison.
This was news to Alison. There hadn't been any meal issues last weekend and they had eaten a near identical meal.
"Since when?" She smiled sweetly at the little girl.
She figured she'd try playing nice. The girls were getting to the age where they were getting smarter and unfortunately for her and Emily, they were getting sneakier too. Alison knew all of the tricks because she'd used them herself as a child and figured it would be easy enough to bust them in the act.
"Thursday," Lily told her matter-of-factly.
Alison crossed her arms, "Girls, you know the rules. And I know that your Mom follows them too. The rules aren't any different here".
She'd done the whole 'play one parent against the other game before and wasn't going to let her own daughters try to get one over on her.
"Not on Thursday," Lily said again. It was strange to hear Lily pushing back. She was the more quiet of the two and though they were both rambunctious when they were together, Lily was usually less likely to get into trouble.
"What was Thursday?" Alison asked, playing along.
Lily shrugged, but Grace answered for her sister, "Mama said we didn't have to eat it".
Alison narrowed her eyes. She'd talk to Emily about this later. "Well you have to tonight".
"Why?" Grace asked.
The girls were always asking why. As someone who worked in education, Alison would normally encourage curiosity, but in times like this it made her want to throw her fork at the wall.
"Because I said so".
Grace kept pushing, "That's not a real answer".
Alison took a deep breath. It was important not to raise her voice to the kids, but patience and keeping her temper at bay were not things that came natural to her.
"You'll both finish that broccoli, or you won't be getting up from the table. Do you understand?" She asked in a tone that made it clear not to push her any further.
Grace stabbed at her broccoli with a grunt and Lily pushed her food around with a sad look on her face. "You're mean," she said quietly.
Eventually, the girls finished their food and the three of them had a fine rest of the night. She got them ready for bed and they called Emily for story time like normal. After Alison had hung up and got situated back in the living room, she remembered the broccoli incident and called Emily back. They were going to need to find a way to make sure that the girls weren't trying to sneak things like this past them, and Alison wanted to make sure that they weren't telling lies.
"Hey, forget something?" Emily answered the call again.
"Yeah, actually.. I wanted to tell you about something that the girls told me tonight during dinner. They tried to say that you told them that they didn't have to eat their broccoli…" She said it almost jokingly. The more that she thought about it, it was a little amusing that the girls were trying to play tricks to get out of eating their vegetables.
When Emily didn't give any type of response she continued, "It was crazy…they even had a little story all planned. Apparently you made this big announcement to them on Thursday that they didn't need to eat their vegetables. It was kind of funny, honestly, but I want to make sure that they know that lying isn't okay". Ironic coming from Alison, but she really was trying to make sure that her daughters didn't carry on any of her own bad behavior.
"Well.. they weren't exactly lying." Emily finally responded. It was odd, because her tone wasn't light the way that Alison's had been. While it wasn't cold, it still sounded bit standoffish on the phone.
"What does that mean?" She hadn't meant for it to sound as bitchy as it did, but she was annoyed with Emily's blasé response.
"It means that, yeah on Thursday I told them that they didn't have to eat it". The conversation made Emily feel backed in. The school year had started that week and between getting the girls to school and getting herself back into the swing of things at work, Emily had been downright exhausted by the end of the week. When Thursday night hit and the girls gave her trouble at dinner, she'd chosen to let them off the hook. She didn't do it for them… she'd done it for her own sanity. With all due respect to Alison, she really didn't want to hear it from her or have to explain herself.
"I thought we were on the same page with meal rules?" Alison asked. She tried to tread lightly. She didn't want Emily to think that she was scolding her parenting, but something about this didn't feel fair. So Emily could just do what she wanted when she had the girls? Alison felt like if the situation were reversed, she would be getting major grief.
"We are- but it was a long week, I had a hard day, and until you can tell me what it's like working and taking care twins by yourself I think we should let this one go." Emily responded.
It was cold, and she regretted it after it came out of her mouth, but it as also how she felt. Alison couldn't understand what it was like. Emily knew that they would settle back into a routine, but some days were harder than others. She knew this because she'd spent the last couple of years doing it by herself when Alison had been gone.
"Well…" Alison was a little stunned by the outburst, "I'm doing that now. After we get off of the phone I'll probably do another three or four hours of work while they're asleep. You know my semester started this week too and on top of teaching, I've got my Ph.D work."
"It's the weekend, Ali."
And that was what started to set the blonde off. "So what? Are you saying that I have it easier or something?" She was working her ass of to make this arrangement work. She'd spent the whole week teaching, doing her own work, and then took the girls when Friday night rolled around.
"I'm saying that it's incredibly stressful for me sometimes to balance parenting and working on days when I spend eight hours working".
"Well what are you doing now? You have a two day break. I don't get a break at all".
Emily knew that she was to blame for the route that this conversation was taking. She also knew that she had it in her power to reverse the course. She was working on getting better at handling her reactions and controlling the conversations, but she wasn't always perfect. And now was one of those times.. because she really didn't like Alison's audacity in the argument. So she went where she shouldn't.
"What were the last two years?"
And Alison was silent on the other end after that. Emily heard her breathing and knew right away that she had crossed the line.
"Whatever, Emily." Alison dismissed. She was over this conversation. She was just trying to be a good mom and make sure that the girls were on the right track. Eating their vegetables… not lying… things that she thought that she and Emily had been on the same page about.
Emily heard the resolve fade from Alison's voice. It was all too familiar. Alison always shut down when they fought like this. She kicked herself. What was wrong with her? Wasn't this what she had been working on?
"I'm sorry," she apologized quietly, "I didn't mean that." She felt ashamed because this fight was definitely on her. Maybe she wasn't totally there with her behaviors yet, but at least now she could recognize when she was in the wrong.
"I think you did mean that," Alison replied coldly. The words stung, but it hurt even more that she and Emily were arguing. It was their first fight since she'd been back and she hated this feeling.
"No, I didn't. Can we start over? I'm sorry." She felt like shit because it had been a terrible thing to say.
Alison knew that they should talk. That they shouldn't leave the conversation like this. But she still wanted to run as far from it as she could, and that was the part that won over.
"I have to go now".
"Ali, please-"
"-And the last two years weren't exactly a vacation for me," Alison added before hanging up the phone.
Beacon Heights had nearly broken her. And Emily knew that. Alex Drake had exploited Mona's love for technology and games and exploited Alison's marriage troubles and lured the two of them there. She'd spent months torturing them psychologically.. Getting in their heads and their students' heads. She'd told Emily how Alex had messed with them. How horrible it had been. Similar to how Emily never shared details about the Dollhouse, Alison didn't share these details to Emily. They were still painful to think about. One of the tactics that Alex had used on Alison made her believe that her children didn't love her, that she could never be a good mother, that she would always be seen as a terrible person. She knew that it wasn't real but at the time she had been a mess.
Alison didn't get any work done that night and she didn't really get much sleep either all because she was so upset from the fight. The few hours that she did sleep she dreamt about Beacon Heights. She woke up at four in the morning and got physically sick from the nightmare. The Beacon Heights PTSD only came in small, infrequent waves, but when they came, they hit her hard.
The next day she offered to take the twins to the movies. She knew that her mind wasn't working well and felt bad that she wasn't mentally there for her daughters like she should be. To make herself feel better, she let them put extra butter on their popcorn and didn't bat an eyelash when they asked for candy.
When the evening came, she planned to keep things brief when she dropped them back off in Rosewood. She'd settled down from her argument with Emily the previous night and hoped that they could just move on. She walked through the door and Lily and Grace ran up to give Emily hugs.
"What did you guys do today?" She asked.
"Mommy took us to the movies!" Grace shouted excitedly.
"Oh... what movie did you see?" She asked.
"The puppy one!" Lily smiled.
"Oh," Emily's face fell noticeably, but she straightened up for the girls, "Great." Alison didn't miss the tight smile. Something was off and she had a feeling that this wasn't going to go as smooth as she thought.
After the girls said their goodbyes and walked away, Alison figured she may as well address whatever the issue was. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah. It's just..." Emily ran her hand through her hair and twisted her lips slightly, "I was supposed to take them to see that movie on Tuesday".
"Oh... I didn't know." She genuinely had no idea and wouldn't have taken them if she had. The girls had gotten excited the few times that the preview was on TV over the weekend and with the way that Alison had felt that morning it seemed like a win/win. She could see that Emily looked sad though.
"I told them that we were going. They didn't say anything to you?"
"No, I swear".
"Is this about the broccoli thing?" Emily asked. It came out quickly and had and she actually take the time to consider she wouldn't have said it at all.
"Wait, what?" Now Alison was really lost. Did Emily think that Alison intentionally took the girls to see a movie that she was planning to take them to to spite her?
Emily shook her head. "Nothing... I'm just kind of bummed".
"I should go." Alison reached for the door. They clearly needed a reset.
Emily wanted to tell her to wait. She wanted to apologize again for last night. She felt terrible after their conversation and it took several glasses of wine to get herself to sleep. Then this morning she'd woken up with a nasty headache. She didn't have the energy to apologize though, and was actually pretty annoyed that the one fun thing she had planned to do with the girls this week couldn't happen anymore because Alison beat her to it.
—
The next week went by fairly quickly. As Emily had guessed, the girls started to settle into their routine of going to school each day.
Emily had settled too. The first week of school was always the hardest. There were really no lesson plans worth teaching because the students were always still in summer mode. She made it a point that her daughters ate every vegetable on their plates without letting her own energy level dictate it. Deep down, she knew from the start of the conversation that Alison had been right. She was usually pretty good at keeping them in line with rules and routines, but over the years she had her good days and bad days. When she was parenting the girls by herself, she was able to have those bad days without having to explain herself to someone else. This was new to her. She knew that she and Alison would have to find a better ways to communicate with one another.
It was Alison's turn to have a rough week. When she got home on Sunday she realized how behind she was with her work. She tried to power through it, but fell asleep on her couch that night.
The next day wasn't much better. She hated not feeling prepared for the week. On top of all of the work, she was at a new college and was trying to get everything figured out. She'd gotten lost a few times and was having trouble keeping all of the people in her department straight.
She sat at her desk in the middle of the week while she was supposed to be holding office hours and attempted to get caught up. She was so laser focused on the article she was reading that she almost missed the tapping on her door frame. She looked up and adjusted her glasses as she saw a man in her doorway with neatly combed blonde hair and a put together suit. He looked a little old to be a student, but she was sleep deprived.
"Can I help you?" She stood up, "Are you here for office hours?"
"No," he chuckled, "I'm here to drop off some flyers". He held up a stack of multicolored papers.
She removed her glasses and narrowed her eyes slightly. "I'm new to this department, but I think we have a policy against solicitation". This wasn't really the week to test her.
"That is correct, but it's technically not soliciting if you're employed by the department". He kept a smile on his face. It was like a million dollar smile- boyish with perfectly white teeth. Alison definitely didn't recognize this person from any of the faculty mixers.
"You're a professor?" She asked, letting a perplexed look slip onto her face.
"Didn't say that... rumor is that you are though."
"So what do you do then?" She crossed her arms. She wanted to kick this guy and his tailored suit out of her office.
He held up one of his flyers. "I'm contracted give career lectures to liberal arts students about opportunities in business. I studied psychology back in the day but work for a finance company in Philadelphia. I think it's important for students to know their options".
"And what makes you think they want to work in business?" She arched an eyebrow.
"Because not everyone can be a big hotshot young professor," his charming smile slipped back.
"Adjunct professor." She corrected. Technically she still had to earn her doctorate.
"Still very cool," he complimented, "I'm Sam by the way." He reached out his hand.
She stared at it suspiciously for a moment, but decided to be polite. "Alison DiLaurentis," she extended her own hand to shake.
"Well Professor DiLaurentis, I was hoping that you could pass these around and encourage your students to go." He offered his flyers to her.
She narrowed her eyes. What was in it for her. She didn't even know this guy. The skeptical part of her wondered if he was actually even employed by the department.
He seemed to sense her apprehension and softened his sales approach somewhat. "Some professors actually offer their students extra credit to go... and because that keeps my numbers up I like to reward them with cupcakes". He wiggled his eyebrows.
She tried not to let a smile slip on her face and ruin her cool demeanor, but her body betrayed her. "I'll keep that in mind". She nodded with a small smile before regaining her composure.
"Well that's all I ask". He gave her one last smile before exiting.
She waited a second to make sure that he was walking down the hall before turning back to her desk and dropping the flyers into her trash can.
She had work to do. She couldn't worry about blonde hair, charming smiles, and silly business lectures.
The week calmed down as it continued and by the weekend, Alison was reenergized and ready for the kids. It had got her to thinking that maybe Emily had a point when they'd argued the previous week. There were days when she got home from the school feeling both physically and mentally exhausted. Putting herself in Emily's shoes helped, and while a part of her wanted to apologize and talk about her realization, another part of her still felt shut down. She knew that they both had problems saying things that they didn't mean when they felt defensive, but she still felt hurt.
One of her biggest insecurities was that she wouldn't be a good mother. There had been so many times that Emily had to give her pep talks during the pregnancy, telling Alison that she would be fine and that she believed in her.
And she did really well in the beginning. When the girls were newborns, she felt like there was a task at hand. She felt an incredible bond with them during breast feeding and felt self-assured that she was doing a good job when she could cradle one of her crying daughters and get the baby to quiet down. As they got older and more independent, it was harder to determine if she was doing her job well. The insecurities from her pregnancy always seemed to creep up at the worst times. It was obvious to her how much her daughters loved Emily. When she watched her wife interact with their twins, she seemed so natural, and so effortless. It didn't feel effortless to Alison, and she read into every little interaction that she had with her daughters.
Leaving had felt like the right thing to do two years ago. It started with her realizing that she wasn't feeling very fulfilled anymore at Rosewood High. She wanted to go back to school and further her education. She loved teaching, but the high school setting and dealing with the teenagers there didn't always bring out the best in her. She started applying to schools before running it by Emily and it did not go well when Emily found out what she was doing. Alison knew what it looked like- applying to schools both in the area and outside of the area- but she had told herself at the time that she was just giving herself options... that eventually they could all talk about it and make a decision together. For Emily, it looked like Alison was trying to find her way out- trying to run away.
She'd wondered if she maybe was trying to run subconsciously. She saw how well Emily was doing with the girls. She saw how much they clearly loved her, how they looked to her first if they needed something and it made Alison wonder if they even needed her at all. Not long after she and Emily began arguing about graduate school she received an acceptance letter to Beacon Heights. She didn't remember applying there, but thought maybe it was meant to be. Her relationship was at its lowest point, Emily was a supermom with their daughters, and maybe it would be better for everyone if she just left.
Surprisingly Beacon Heights, for all of the misery that it had caused, had actually helped her with her personal growth and her insecurities. She built an incredibly strong bonds with two people that she initially didn't know if she could trust, Mona Vanderwaal and Taylor Hotchkiss. With Mona, she hadn't trusted the other girl in nearly a decade. Hell, Mona had run her out of town and started the whole A game from the get-go. Still though, they found a bond and formed trust in their mutual effort of taking down The Professor. It taught Alison that she needed to give people more of a chance- especially if she expected people to give her a chance.
She used that notion in building trust and a relationship with Taylor, who came off as the most suspicious person in Beacon Heights. She saw a lot of herself in Taylor- so few people trusted her and she was so closed off, like she was running her own plans outside of the group. Alison realized that without anyone to trust her, Taylor had no reason to let anyone in. So Alison gave her something that she had been so desperate for when she herself had returned from hiding: Trust.
In giving so many other people trust, Alison started to receive it back. The kids that she had promised to help and take care of, Caitlin, Ava, and Dylan, trusted her with their lives. They needed her and she helped them. It made her think that maybe people did need her after all. She could be opened. She could be trustworthy. She could be needed.
It was just applying these same concepts back home in Pennsylvania that she had to navigate.
—
Following the broccoli meltdown, Emily had wanted to reach out to Alison and talk more about it, but she was scared. She knew that what she had said to the other girl was wrong, but she couldn't help but not be totally sorry for feeling the way that she did. She wasn't used to having to answer to another parent when it came to the girls. Sure, Alison had been a present figure in their lives while she was gone, but she deferred all major parental decisions to Emily. Pam had been around a lot to help, but had never challenged anything that her daughter did. Emily knew that with Alison keeping the girls for part of the week she would have to open up more and release some of the reigns, but she didn't feel completely ready.
She kept questioning herself in trusting Alison. She believed that Doctor Brown had been right that she needed to just let go of her fears and fully and completely trust the blonde without reservations, but she wasn't quite there yet. It made her feel frustrated with herself and the situation. She was trying, but she wasn't ready.
Their problems continued the next week when Alison had the girls in Rosemont. Emily had just gotten out of the shower Saturday afternoon and saw that she had a missed call from Alison. When she called back, Alison explained that Grace wasn't feeling well- she had a temperature and had spent the night getting sick. Alison sounded tired, but said that she just thought that Emily should know and she was handling it.
She was thankful that Alison had let her know about the problem, and while she knew that Grace would be fine she couldn't help her motherly instincts from going into overdrive. She'd paced the house several times and told herself to calm down, that her little girl would be fine. Eventually, though, her protective nature got the best of her and she did something she knew that she probably shouldn't do- she drove to Rosemont.
"What are you doing here?" Alison asked when she saw Emily. It bothered her slightly that Emily would just show up without calling. She knew that it was because she'd told her that Grace was sick, but she had also told the brunette that she had it under control.
"Hi, Mama!" Lily smiled happily from the couch where she was coloring and watching a cartoon. She looked genuinely happy to see Emily and it graded on Alison further. It wasn't like she was jealous or anything, but this wasn't Emily's time with the girls. She didn't belong in Rosemont on a Saturday afternoon- especially when Alison was still somewhat irritated about their unresolved argument from the week before.
"Where's Grace?" Emily asked.
Alison crossed her arms defensively, "Laying in bed resting."
She noted Emily's determined demeanor. She knew how protective Emily was over the ones that she loved, but Alison also knew that she wasn't the enemy here. She was taking care of one sick daughter and entertaining her other daughter. She had it handled. "Why didn't you call first?"
Emily hadn't called because she knew that Alison wouldn't have told her to come and she would have continued to pace the house worrying.
"I think I should just take Grace home and take care of her. That way you and Lily can have a nice rest of the weekend".
"Emily, she's fine. I've got this." Alison said, her voice raising slightly. They both noted Lily watching them, her attention peaked at the tense conversation. "Keep watching your show sweetie." She smiled at the little girl and nodded Emily toward the kitchen.
She spoke again before Emily could protest, "It's my weekend with the girls. I can handle this, Em." She took a breath before adding, "If she had gotten sick on a Wednesday I wouldn't be at your door coming to take her".
Emily contracted her eyebrows in confusion, "Of course you wouldn't".
Alison shook her head once in disbelief, "Then why are you here?"
"Because my daughter is sick."
"I know that and I said I was taking care of her and that I'd keep you updated. I know what I'm doing."
"What did you give her?" Emily asked.
Alison rolled her eyes, "Children's Tylenol," she opened the fridge, "And I have Pedialyte for when she wakes up".
"Grace hates the pink kind," Emily told her knowingly noting that Alison only had the strawberry flavor, "She'll only drink the orange".
It all felt so petty to Alison and she was getting increasingly irritated, "Then I'll go buy the damn orange kind!"
Emily raised her eyebrows. She'd entered the apartment clouded with concern and hadn't really realized how she might be coming off. She pressed her lips together and didn't say anything else in an effort to give Alison a minute to calm down before they had another major argument.
After taking a few steadying breaths, Alison spoke again, "If you want to go buy the orange, that would be a big help. Otherwise, I really need you to trust me when I say that I am handling this and I can take care of our daughters".
Emily noted the pleading look on the blonde's face and forced herself to take a step back here. "Yeah, I'll be right back," She nodded and walked towards the door.
She dropped off the orange drink to the apartment and agreed to head home. She kissed Lily goodbye and told her that she'd see her on Sunday. Alison had walked her to the door, lips pressed in a straight line. Emily knew that she had pissed the blonde off, but she couldn't bring herself to apologize for being concerned about her child.
Pam called her when she was driving home and she told her mother about the incident.
"What were you thinking?" Her question sounded over Emily's car speaker.
"That one of my daughters was sick and needed me?" She responded as if it couldn't be more obvious.
"Honey," Pam sighed, "how do you think that made Alison feel?"
Since when did Pam care about Alison's feelings. "I thought you would be on my side here?" Emily accused.
"I don't think we need to take sides," Pam said, "She was doing everything right. She called you and told you what was going on. You'll need to learn to trust her." There it was again, Emily thought, another reminder that she wasn't trusting the blonde like she said that she would.
After they hung up, Emily spent the rest of her time thinking along the drive home. She and Alison had made some much progress over the summer and she could feel it slipping. She knew that all of her feelings were valid, just like she had felt like they were when they were married, but that she wasn't reacting the right way.
After another tense Sunday night drop-off, she called Doctor Brown the next day and asked if they could bump up their next appointment for sometime that week. Doctor Brown suggested a time, and made another suggestion that completely threw Emily for a loop - that she bring Alison along.
—
A/N - Ah, so sorry! They were bound to hit some speed bumps, right? Things had been going just a little too well. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts in the reviews! Enjoy the rest of the weekend. Please stay safe!