Chapter 52
Tegan woke up with a massive headache, her throat was on fire, the room was spinning and she felt nauseous. Something on her face seemed to be pushing air into her lungs. It felt weird. Tegan gave into it, she felt weak... tired... she slipped away again briefly before waking up extremely nauseous. She opened her eyes and saw Lindsey and Kate looking concerned. "Easy Tegan, we're taking the mask off, hang on" said Kate. A mere second after the mask came off Tegan turned her head and vomited all over her bed. She coughed as some of it entered her airway. "Suction please, now!" screamed Kate. "It's okay Tee, just a side effect of the anaesthesia – you're okay". A suction tube was pushed down Tegan's throat and she felt scared and confused. Tears were rolling down her face and it killed Lindsey. She just couldn't stand seeing Tegan in pain or scared.
During the next few days it became clear that Tegan still had a long journey to recovery ahead of her. She slept most of the day only to be interrupted by physical therapy sessions and brief visits by her nearest and dearest. She diligently did all her lung exercises and she only whispered when she was awake since she was on strict vocal rest. Sara and Erin were both making great progress though. Both were soon ready to be moved to a normal room soon leaving Tegan alone in ICU once again. Tegan was starting to feel a bit sorry for herself... being the only one still stuck in ICU. The only one still connected to all these machines... she was starting to become despondent very fast. She was lying on her side staring out in front of her when Sara sat down next to her bed. She was still in a hospital gown and clutching an IV stand but she was walking quite comfortably. She sat down next to Tegan's bed, Tegan didn't stir. "Tee... how're you feeling" said Sara. "Okay... actually... Like crap..." whispered Tegan softly still staring at the same spot. "Yeah? Tegan... they tell me that you're not eating?" said Sara. Tegan didn't say anything. "I know you're tired Tee, and I know you're fucking fed up with being in ICU but you need to eat" said Sara. "Not hungry" whispered Tegan and closed her eyes. "I don't care if you're hungry Tee... force yourself... Tegan, open your eyes and look at me... look at me!" said Sara sternly. "Tegan!" she repeated. Tegan opened her eyes and turned to look at her sister without a word "Feeling sorry for yourself won't get you anywhere Tegan... come on man... you've gotten this far now fucking keep working! Kick this thing in the ass man" said Sara. "You don't think I'm trying?!" whispered Tegan, suddenly looking upset, her bottom lip started quivering. "I know you're trying Tee, I know... and I know this is so, so hard but not eating... that means you're not trying hard enough..." said Sara firmly. She hated being this tough with Tegan but it needed to be done. "I'm doing the best I can Sara... go away.. go" she said and turned her head. "Don't strain your voice Tegan!" said Sara. "What does it matter... I'm fucked in anyway..." said Tegan loudly, tears now streaming down her face. "Don't say that Tegan... Don't you dare say that! If you don't eat they will put that feeding tube down your nose again Tee, and that's just the start of it... so please... please Tegan just eat something... just try. Try for me... Let's get you out of here and healthy for your babies Tee" said Sara softly taking Tegan's hand. "Sar... what if I can't sing again... will..." tears were spilling from Tegan's eyes again, "will you... hate me... if I ruin your career... if I.." Tegan was cut off by Sara. "What the fuck Tee... I can never, ever hate you...I love you no matter what... I don't care if we never sing again... I just want you to be okay... that's all... I know you can get through this... Just don't give up because that's the only way I'd ever be disappointed in you Tee... if you give up... If you don't try..." said Sara now also crying. "You're not a quitter Tegan... We're gonna get through this together okay. We're gonna help you get through this. I believe in you Tegan... But YOU have to keep believing"
A few hours later nurse Abby walked in with a tray of unappetising food. Lindsey looked at Tegan fully expecting the usual struggle to get her to open her mouth. Tegan looked at her and the one corner of her mouth lifted. "Mmm looks good" she smiled and lifted her eyebrow. Lindsey's face lit up. Tegan almost vomited a few times but she somehow managed to keep most of the little bit of food she could manage inside. "I deserve that jello..." she said looking tired. "You can have as much jello and dessert as you like as long as you keep eating okay" said Abby. Tegan felt the cool jello sooth her sore throat. Kate walked into the room looking stressed. She just came out of a gruelling surgery. The expression on her face changed suddenly as she saw that at least some of the food on Tegan's plate was gone. "You're eating! Wow! Nice! I'm gonna make sure we get you a really nice treat from your favourite restaurant in a few days, just keep eating Tee" she said as she wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her upper arm. Tegan smiled weakly "Remember Doc... you and me... we're singing Springsteen soon... you better start practicing..." she smiled. Aaaand she's back thought Kate and smiled.
Days later Tegan was moved to high-care. It was more of a mental victory than anything else as she was still being monitored 24/7 and still had pretty much all her IVs and tubes in. "I need my guitar... I really need my guitar" she said to Lindsey. In the last few days she was allowed to start talking again softly. Another Laryngoscopy, this time without anaesthesia to avoid the nasty side effects showed that her vocal chords were healing well. "Sweetie... I don't know... I don't think you should be singing yet and they're not going to let you play in here?" said Lindsey "Play what" said Kate walking in. "Guitar... I have a song in my head and I need to get it on paper at least. I won't sing I promise" said Tegan. "Well maybe you can hum a bit" smiled Kate. Lindsey brought Tegan's guitar in and she tinkered with it only when nobody was in the room with her. This song seemed to be a big secret, something Tegan was obsessed with, something that kept her mind occupied.
A/N: I'll try and post another chapter tonight but first I have to go deal with real life. Remember, reviews make me post faster!