She Comes And Goes As She Pleases (Part 48)
by BrDPirateMan

"It's been so long. I'm looking forward to talking to you again, kitten."

This person – Tsubasa was his name – was to become Eri's manager. And the first thing he did upon meeting his new charge was to call her 'kitten'. He must really think he's some sort of Casanova. He already didn't strike a good first impression with me.

Eri shook his hand, trying to force a smile. I guess she didn't like him very much either.

But most importantly, she knew who he was. While the receptionist was in the midst of introducing him to her, Eri called him by name. She must have some kind of past connection with him. I'd have to ask her about it later.

He grinned widely. "I can't wait to get started. We'll have lots of fun, wouldn't we, Eri?"

Eri's forced smile became a tad more crooked. "Uh, yeah… I… I guess."

"Now, now, no need to be so stiff around me! We're working partners now. Let's be a bit more open with each other."

Amidst everything that was happening, I was simply cast aside and ignored. I had become a mere bystander. I mean, what was I supposed to say?

The receptionist, unmoved by the entire spectacle playing before her, said to Eri, "So, as I've said before, Tsubasa will be your manager. He'll be in charge of taking care of you, getting you work, telling you what to do. He has been in the modeling scene for years; he's very knowledgeable and knows his stuff, so if you have any questions at all, don't hesitate to ask him."

Eri fought hard to keep her emotions in check and braved a smile. "I understand. Thanks."

Tsubasa whacked his palms together, producing a single dull clap. "Well then! Now that that's out of the way, let's see about getting you started. First let's get you your ID card…"

He led her away to the nearest door, and before she disappeared out of sight, she looked back at me with a pained expression, something that said, "Get me outta here!" She wasn't comfortable with him, otherwise she wouldn't make a face like that. I wanted to follow them inside and make sure he wouldn't try anything funny, but I was an outsider here. I couldn't just go anywhere I pleased.

Shrugging sadly to myself, I left the studio and went home, uttering a silent prayer in hopes that it would protect my girlfriend.

XOXOXOXOXO

The next three hours were an ordeal to me. It's hard to tell which was worse: that Tsubasa might be a shameless skirt-chaser, or that Eri didn't like being with him, or both. To say I was worried for her safety was an understatement. Knowing that I couldn't be there for her made it even more excruciating.

When I heard the front door being unlocked, I leapt out of my seat and rushed to see her. She was visibly drained, teetering on unsteady feet. And there was a scowl on her face, the kind of annoyed look you give when you've spilled juice onto your favorite trousers.

I struggled to find the right words to alleviate her grumpiness. "So, um, how was work?"

"Cringe-worthy," came her reply. "Neku, can we take a bath together?"

"Th-That's fine. Any particular reason?"

"Tsubasa isn't just my manager. He's skilled enough that he can do double duty as my photographer, so he was staring at me the whole time he was taking my pictures. I know a job's a job, but… I can't stand it knowing his gaze is all over my skin. I need to wash it off. And thoroughly."

And when we got in the bathroom, I did just that, but she was never satisfied.

"Harder, Neku!" she insisted. "It wouldn't wash off if you're so dainty about it!"

I was behind her so I was free to roll my eyes to the ceiling without offending her. But I couldn't resist taking a stab at her almost obsessive-compulsive behavior.

"Listen," I said, "firstly, it's all in your head, and secondly, if I scrub your back any harder your skin will peel right off!"

"Don't get cute with me," she grumbled. "This is Tsubasa we're talking about. Once a creep, always a creep!"

"Come to think of it, when you were being introduced to him, you seemed to recognize him right off the bat… Otherwise you wouldn't have called him by name before the introductions were done. Do you know him from somewhere?"

Eri's onslaught of angry rants ground to a halt. She hesitated at first to answer, but eventually relented.

"I suppose it wouldn't be fair if I didn't tell you. So… ready for a bathtime story?"

"Bathtime story?"

"Well," she said, shrugging, "seeing as we're taking a bath, it can't very well be a bedtime story, can it?"

"Fair enough."

"Once upon a time," she began, "a few years ago when we were still in high school… I was an idiot."

Then she paused for a few seconds too long. Maybe it was to catch her breath or decide how to advance the story. But it was long enough for me to think it was all over.

"Uh… is that all – "

"No, I'm not finished yet, Neku."

"Oh, okay." No cliffhangers. No 'To be continued' in sight. Good. "Carry on."

"Right. As you know, I was quite the wild child in high school, and I went to a lot of mixers. It was through mingling around that I got to know Tsubasa. He seemed like a cool guy and eventually we started dating."

To be honest, I wasn't surprised to hear that. My gut feeling told me that would be the case.

"He was your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, for nine days."

"Oh wow," I whistled, "that's not even a double-digit number. What made you get rid of him in a hurry?"

She let out a small grunt of indignation. I could tell talking about him was about as fun for her as lying in a bed full of ants.

"Oh, believe me, Neku. Everything was fine at first. Then he revealed that he had been interested in me for a long time, way before we even hooked up."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Everything. Turned out he's part of my very own fan club, which I didn't even know existed. In fact, he's the ringleader."

My face dropped to the floor in disbelief. "A… A fan club… You mean they're like those crazy fangirls who collect Prince memorabilia and spend at least seven hours a day squealing over him?"

Eri shot me a glare over her shoulder. "You trying to say something?"

"Uh… nope." Definitely not insinuating anything about her…

"Just for your information, I don't gush over The Prince for that long, good sir!"

"I never said you did – "

"I give myself a maximum of two hours per day, and that's that!"

I'd say that's bad enough…

"A-Anyway," she said, "they're just a bunch of creepy guys who've chosen to idolize me for some reason. Tsubasa claimed it's because I was too perfect. The day I was officially introduced to 'Eri 4 Life', he asked if I could represent them in their…" – she mimicked inverted commas with her fingers, sarcastically I might add – "…'quest to preserve my beauty for the benefit of the world'."

"Sounds like something a cult would say. What did you do?"

"What else? I refused and kicked him in the nuts for good measure. And, of course, I dumped his sorry butt."

I winced, and out of instinct my hand reached for my own crotch. "And now the guy whose groin you demolished is your manager."

"Ugh… that's not the worst of it. He told me 'Eri 4 Life' is still active, and that it'd be a great honor if I could finally join. Although I refused, I'm not sure I'll see the end of it. And knowing that a total creepoid is taking my pictures is even worse. Who knows what he's going to do with them! I… I just… Am I making sense to you, by the way? I know I sound like I've lost my head."

There's dumb, and then there's the kind of stuff that leaves your head reeling. I couldn't believe my ears. I actually thought Eri was trying to prank me and laugh at my gullibility again, but this was no joke. 'Eri 4 Life' was real and it was here to stay.

"Calm down, Eri," I said, rinsing away the suds on her back. "I know it's a bummer to be within the crosshairs of a pack of rabid fanboys… but when Tsubasa asked you to represent his fan club, you said no, right? Well, that's a start."

"But I don't think he'll give up that easily," she lamented with a ragged sigh. "He's kept his stupid play group alive ever since I left him, and that was at least four years ago. A simple 'no' isn't going to stop him."

"Well, it's still the first day at work. Maybe today's the only time he'll ever pester you. You never know. But if he keeps on at it, tell me and I'll talk to him."

Eri thought about it for a second. "Alright, I'll keep you posted. And if push comes to shove, I really hope you can talk some sense into him."

"You have my word."

Her back now squeaky-clean, she took it upon herself to give herself one last rinse and my job was complete.

"Phenomenal work, by the way," she said, reaching behind to feel her newly-exfoliated back. "You have my thanks."

I was too preoccupied with watching her hand slink all the way down from her spine to her fantastic rump where she gave it a thorough caress. "Oh, you're welcome," I said a little too late.

She swiveled round on her little stool to face me. "Also, thanks for listening to me. I feel a lot less stressed out now."

"Yeah, anytime. Just take it easy and you'll be fine."

"Okay! I feel much better now. I'm gonna scrub your back this time."

"Sure. One thing, though."

"Huh?"

"If you knew the kind of person he was, maybe you should've just pretended you didn't recognize him when the introductions were underway. I don't think he would dare to get too clingy with you if you did that. Then you could do your job in relative peace… right?"

Realizing that it was she herself who dug her own grave, she boiled over with frustration. She could just kick herself.

"Oh god, that's right!" She clawed her scalp to shreds. "Why did I have to say his name aloud from the start? I'm such an idiot! Why am I such an idiot?!"

Uh… anyone wanna answer that for her? 'Cuz if someone has to ruin her day, I sure as heck didn't want it to be me.

XOXOXOXOXO

Tsubasa was a tenacious one. Not content with letting his idol slip through his fingers, he kept pestering Eri to join his fan club, trying to trick her into gaining her favour by using fancy wordplay.

"Would you mind," he once asked, "gracing us with your illustrious presence?" Another time, he said, "Your humble servants would be most pleased if you could bask the club in your never-ending light."

Well, let's look at it this way. At least he's not one of those annoying skirt-chasers who think they're hot stuff and should get all the chicks… and they do. He certainly looks the part but acts more like an awkward teenager. How he could land a job photographing models was beyond me. The absurdity of it all was staggering.

Two or three more days of his treatment was all Eri could take before she gave up and came to me for help.

"Please," she begged, "you've gotta do something. Tsubasa keeps telling me all about his stupid fan club and how I should join, and nothing I say will stop him!"

I couldn't resist teasing her, albeit in the gentlest possible way I could manage. "Don't you want a whole crew of 'humble servants' at your beck and call? That sounds like it could be real useful."

She immediately reacted like she had bugs crawling all over her skin, even going so far as to actually rub her arms up and down vigorously.

"Ew! No way! Creep factor through the roof, man! No, y-you go talk him out of this for me. I don't care what he does with his club, I just want him to stop pestering me. Really, that's all I want."

"I'll see what I can do. No promises, though – "

"You better promise me you can shut him up for at least two weeks or you're not getting any for the next six months!"

I froze. "Y-You can't be serious… Neither of us can last that long!"

"Hop to it already!"

"Alright, alright. I'll do something. Just don't hold our sex life ransom. That can't be good for both of us."

Under threats of forced celibacy, I paid a visit to Fujisaki & Co. around closing time and asked if I could speak with Tsubasa. Exactly how far did his fanaticism go? Somehow I wasn't able to grasp the true picture in my head. Was it really that bad as Eri put it?

The moment he sauntered into the lobby, I sprang into action.

"Tsubasa!" I called out. "Excuse me, can I talk to you for a minute?"

He stared at me for a half-second before his face lit up in recognition.

"Ah! You're the guy who accompanied Eri on her first day of work… the chaperone, right?"

"Uh… I wouldn't exactly call myself that, but that'll do for now, I guess. Name's Neku, by the way."

We shook hands for formality's sake and with introductions out of the way, it was time to get down to business.

"I'm just gonna get straight to the point," I said. "Is it true you have a fan club? One that's devoted to Eri?"

When he heard this, he immediately stiffened up and his breath caught in his throat. Once the initial surprise faded away, he broke into a smile.

"You aren't just some random guy, I can see. For you to know about the existence of our club."

"So it's true. 'Eri 4 Life' is a thing."

"Shh! Not so loud. People'll hear ya!"

"Wh-What's wrong with that?"

"This is not the place to talk, Neku. Let's get out of here first."

Tsubasa walked with me down the streets, filling me in on the history of his club's development. Real fascinating stuff… if it didn't creep me out in the first place.

"I founded 'Eri 4 Life' four years ago," his tale began, "together with several other like-minded individuals. Our main goal was – I mean, is – to celebrate the existence of Eri Tanikawa. She's friendly, gorgeous and such a good sport. Honestly, I'm hard-pressed to find another woman of her grace and caliber."

I hate to pop your bubble, dude, but while she has both beauty and brains, the same can't be said for her 'grace'. Last I heard, she could be a real ditz, and if she truly was graceful then she wouldn't fling her undergarments all over her room and lounge naked on the sofa, legs spread wide and far. Seriously, 'grace'? You make me laugh.

"And so we thought we'd pay our respects to her in their ultimate form: a club that lives to appreciate the entirety of her being. But it wouldn't be complete without our idol, which is why we'd been trying to gain her approval and consent to join us."

Not quite knowing what to say to that, I chucked a random remark his way. "Um, I was told you were her boyfriend for a time, so… uh, what've you got to say about that?"

He gasped. "You know about our relationship too? You must be a true devotee!"

"Uh, no, I'm – "

"I went out with Eri for just a short while," he gushed, "but it was the time of my life. I doubt I'll ever meet another girl as wonderful as she is. I even called her 'kitten' for a bit. Now that I think about it, it's really embarrassing! I called her that during our first meeting in so long too. It was purely out of force of habit, but seriously, how silly is that?"

A pang of jealousy pinched me in the heart but I quickly bit it down, knowing she attributed her relationship with him as a horrible judge of character on her part. Maybe a moment of temporary insanity too.

"I was disappointed when she broke up with me, but I hold no hard feelings towards her. I'm pretty sure she has a greater purpose in store for me."

Yeeeeeah. Total nutjob. I mean, I doubt she'd kick someone in the nuts if she knew he was destined for a greater purpose.

Suddenly I realized that I wasn't on the streets anymore. Listening to him drone on and on lulled me into a half-awake zombie-like state where my legs went on autopilot. I was walking, I just didn't see where. And so I was in for a shock when I came face to face with Tsubasa's front door.

"I'm so sorry," I blurted. "I followed you all the way here without thinking."

But he didn't mind. "Not a problem! As it turns out, I'm holding a meeting this evening, and I've decided you'd be perfect to attend."

I shuddered. "Wait, what sort of meeting?"

"Why, the 283rd assembly of the 'Eri 4 Life' Appreciation Committee, of course!"

His club had at least 280 meetings to discuss the beauty and elegance of a single person?! This was messed up! It's like he thought of Eri as some sort of goddess. No wonder she was spooked!

Tsubasa ushered me into his one-room apartment (I had little choice in the matter), which was surprisingly normal, apart from the jumbo-sized poster of Eri plastered on one of the walls. She was bikini-clad and looking fresh and happy as she splashed about in the water. My prolonged attention towards her did not go unnoticed and Tsubasa offered an anecdote about the poster's history.

"That's actually a photo I took of her during the summer vacation of four years back. She was out at the beach with a bunch of her gal pals. I made sure to stay far away so they wouldn't notice me. Good thing my camera's got a powerful zoom function!"

The titillation I would have enjoyed from looking at the poster vanished in an instant. It's not so sexy anymore when you know it's the work of a guy who takes pride in being a peeping Tom.

I didn't even get to take half a sip of my orange juice before a rapid pounding on the front door almost made me jump out of my seat. Tsubasa was far calmer, opening the door without hesitation.

His guests trooped inside amidst a hearty exchange of greetings. Three in total (the guests, not the greetings). There was a fat guy, a skinny guy and the third and last one had a cap that was distractingly pink in colour. These were the other members in his fan club – guys who, I bet, were just as crazy as he was.

They were openly curious about me, but Tsubasa got the meeting underway before we could be formally introduced. Not that I cared, anyway…

"Welcome everyone," said Tsubasa with a grand air. "We of 'Eri 4 Life' have convened this evening to pool our ideas for a new unofficial photo album. At least, that was the case, but now there's been a small change of plans."

The other three stared at him quizzically. When Tsubasa turned to me they shifted their gazes towards me too until all four of them were looking my way. It was kinda unnerving, especially when I knew what big perverts they were. Let's just say it's a good thing I wasn't Eri right now…

"Allow me to introduce this fine lad," he said. "His name is Neku and we got to talking today. Now that I'm convinced he has shown a healthy respect for our beloved Eri, I say he more than qualifies for the greatest honour bestowed upon any human being…"

I frowned in confusion. "Wh-Wha…?"

"Everyone, it looks like we might have stumbled upon our newest member!"

His announcement was met with cheers and thunderous applause. Meanwhile, seeing the situation I had inexplicably landed in, I tried to disprove Tsubasa's ridiculous claims but to no avail.

"Whoa, y-you got it all wrong, dude. I'm just – "

"'Eri 4 Life' used to be twenty-strong, Neku. But over the years our people gradually lost interest and left until we're down to just the four of us. Assuming your induction into our group is successful, it will prove to be the stepping stone we need to restore our past glory!"

"But – "

"Yes, good friend, there's a big 'but'. All of our members need to be screened for aptitude and enthusiasm. We're gonna put you through the ringer, and then we'll see about letting you join us. Though I'm sure you should do just fine!"

I had no idea what was happening, but if I had to take a stab in the dark, I think what he's saying was that he wanted to test me to see if I was worthy of being a member of 'Eri 4 Life'. Good god, how did it come to this? All I wanted was to tell Tsubasa to quit bothering Eri, and now not only did I end up at his house, I was also going to participate in some stupid entrance exam…

I couldn't waste time here. And I really didn't want to make a scene when everyone's so preppy and excited, but…

"Listen, Tsubasa," I said firmly, "I didn't – "

"First question!" Gah, he just cut me off! "This should be an easy one for you. How old is Eri this year?"

Without so much as a moment of thought, the answer came flying out of my big mouth in less than a second.

"Twenty-one."

The others nodded in approval. Tsubasa confirmed that I was right.

"That's correct, Neku. Not bad at all. Onto the next question…"

Wait, why did I answer that?! I must have done it on reflex!

I couldn't even say anything before the second question rolled around. "This one's going to be a little tougher. What is Eri's most commonly seen outfit?"

Again I spoke in the blink of an eye. "Crop top with short sleeveless vest and a mini-skirt. And a cap."

"What colour is her skirt, by the way?"

"Green. Sometimes blue."

The smiles were wider and the nods livelier.

"Brilliant!" said the fat guy. "It's like you know it by heart!"

"Nothing short of impressive!" said his skinny companion.

The guy with the cap said nothing but gave me two thumbs up. Heck, he looked like he could give me two big toes up if he could manage it.

Seemed like I passed this one with flying colors, except I wasn't supposed to pass! Did I catch the idiot syndrome from these screwballs?

No, I had to get serious! This was no time for games! I was going to tell him what I'd come so far to say, then book it before they goaded me into making any more mistakes!

"Final question!" announced Tsubasa with aplomb, like he was the presenter of a game show. "Not many have answered this one correctly, but since you're new I'm willing to give you a handicap. But only a very slight one so stay on your toes."

"Wait, just listen to – "

"When Eri was finally out of high school four years ago, someone organized a huge party to celebrate the graduation of all the final-year students, and she was one of the attendees. My question to you, good friend, is this: what type of sandwich did she eat that night, and how many bites did she take to finish it?"

Who the hell in their right mind would know the answer to that?! Did these guys seriously record every single detail of Eri's life to the point of being anal-retentive? That's beyond creepy! Overwhelmed by disgust and the frustration of being interrupted so many times, I finally bared my fangs and boy were they sharp.

"Now see here!" I growled. "I'm not here to play games! If you could all just pipe down for a bit, I've got something to say!"

Silence fell over the room. Then Tsubasa, calm as ever, mused:

"Maybe I should have picked an easier handicap. Just so you know, she was eating a BLT sandwi– "

"I don't care about that! I'm not here to join your fan club!"

Everyone else exchanged confused glances at each other, as though what had just happened was so strange.

The skinny guy scratched his head. "Then why are you here?"

"I didn't want to be here!" I fumed. "I just have to tell Tsubasa something and then I'll be on my way."

Tsubasa looked visibly disappointed but had the decency to hear me out, although his tone had become a lot less friendly. Considering my outburst, which might probably be seen as sacrilege to their beloved club, the change in his attitude was understandable.

"Well, alright, Neku. What is it?"

Refusing to be intimidated by his face of stone, I spoke bravely but reminded myself to calm down and not fly off the handle. "Eri told me you've been bothering her at work, asking her to join your club. What's with that?"

"I didn't bother her," he protested. "In fact, I asked her very nicely. I was just trying to convince her that our club is a legitimate outlet for fun and creativity, and that she ought to come with us since she's our great idol. Sure, she was a bit unwilling to comply with my requests, but – "

"She already said no, pal. No matter how many times you ask the result will be the same. There's no point trying. She doesn't want to join, and right now the last thing she wants is to be hounded left and right when she just wants to do her damn work. So please, Tsubasa, stop asking her about all this crud from now on. That's all she asks."

"I see. She asked you to talk me out of it, didn't she…"

"Yeah, she did. If you don't believe me, I can call her right now and get her to tell you personally."

I said it. I said everything that I needed to say. I wasn't sure if this would really stop them, but I had to do something.

Tsubasa crossed his arms in an apparent show of frustration.

"The words of our goddess are absolute," he said. "If this is what she wants, then we shan't ask her about club-related matters anymore. That said…"

I thought that was going to be it and I could go home and tell Eri the good news. But life wasn't going to be that easy. The smirk that was starting to flesh out on his face told me it wasn't over yet. And I was right.

"…We don't give up easily. Maybe getting her to join us isn't possible anymore, but everything else is fair game. We're still going to put together albums of her photographs. We're still going to make Eri merchandise such as bolster cases and scaled plastic models of her likeness. And if we want to make an H-game with her in the leading role, we can and will do it."

I flared with outrage. "Y-You're making a what?! An H-game?!"

"We're considering it," he said, with a nonchalant shrug. "But without her to help do the voice-overs, there's no point to making it in the first place."

I felt the skin on the back of my neck stand on end. They were beyond help. Their creepiness was uncanny.

"You guys are worse than I thought," I said. "You need to stop what you're doing!"

"And why is that?"

"Because it's disgusting and you're clearly not doing any of this for her. You're doing it for your own selfish benefit, and you know it! Do you think she would be happy knowing you're stalking and snapping photos of her in secret, in addition to all the stuff you've been doing behind her back?!"

"Stalking? Snapping photos in secret?" snorted Tsubasa. "No, it's neither of those things. If you want to snap a picture of the ocean to capture its magnificence, do you need to ask it for permission? You don't need permission to admire a person or thing."

What the heck… That's some seriously warped logic there…

"We have already agreed to stop asking Eri whether she could join our club," he said. "To ask any more of us would be overstepping your boundaries, especially when you've demanded this much from us already. And I'd have loved to give you an 'Eri 4 Life' membership, but I'm afraid that door is closed to you now. Speaking of door… it's to your left."

He made a sharp jerk with his head in the direction of the front door, implying that I get out. But I knew that the moment I was out the door it would be all over for Eri's privacy because of how persistent these idiots were. I had mere moments to think of a plan! What should I do?

Seeing my hesitance, Tsubasa got up and opened the front door himself. The doorway gaped wide open for me, inviting me to exit.

Come on, there's got to be something I could use against them! Something that I could use to defeat them and put them in their place!

"Leave," he said. "And don't come back."

I couldn't believe he just said that. It's more like an order than a polite request – well, teeth-grindingly, begrudgingly polite, anyway.

…Wait. Order? He ordered me to leave? Hey, that's it!

"What're you waiting for?" grumbled the fat guy. "Go on, get out!"

"That I will," I said, amidst renewed confidence. "But please gimme a minute. I have a call to make… to your goddess."

Everyone froze when I said that. Faces drained of blood, they stared at me looking pale as I whipped out my cell phone and started punching in numbers.

Suddenly Tsubasa didn't look so menacing with his lips trembling so much. "No way. D-Don't tell me you're calling – "

I pressed the phone to my ear, waiting for the call to get through.

"Hello, Eri." I spoke very clearly so everyone could hear me. "Are you busy?"

Upon hearing the name of their idol, Tsubasa and the others became paralysed with a mixture of fear and reverence.

"I'm kinda free at the moment," she replied over the line. "And naked. Just got of the bath. Do you like my new shampoo?"

"My nose doesn't work long-distance, Eri," I deadpanned, much to the confusion of the others, as they could only hear my side of the conversation. "Seriously though, listen. I'm at Tsubasa's place right now…"

"What? Wh-What're you doing there?"

"Tsubasa's holding a meeting for his fan club and I kinda got swept up into attending it… Long story. Since the whole club is here, why don't you say a few words to them?"

The three stooges of 'Eri 4 Life' immediately went into a panic, muttering amongst themselves about how they should best address her. I heard suggestions of "Miss" and "Your Highness" but the rest of their babble was incoherent nonsense. The guy with the cap was hyperventilating… He actually took his cap off, breathing from it with a great urgency. Yeah, not the brightest thing. Even the normally cool and calm Tsubasa was suddenly at a loss of what to do, and he was her manager at work.

Eri was understandably displeased. "Why should I? I don't even want to give them the time of day! I'd rather strip naked, coat myself in flour and seasonings, and then jump into a cauldron full of hot oil. Neku, please don't tell me you joined them."

I couldn't reply right away. The thought of her deep-frying herself distracted me. That, or the fact that she said the word "naked" twice in a single conversation. But I pulled myself together.

"Of course not. In fact, I think I know how we can end this once and for all."

A couple seconds of silence followed as Eri let the gravity of my words sink in.

Her voice was full of anticipation of a more peaceful future. "Y-You mean, I can be rid of them finally?"

"Yeah. For these guys, your word is absolute. All you gotta do is tell them what you really feel about them and what they should be doing! Do you see what I'm getting at?"

More silence followed. The only thing I could hear was the cap guy still breathing like a maniac. Amidst the tense atmosphere, Tsubasa closed the front door quietly, awaiting her words.

"Just tell them," I whispered, "to… uh, op-stay their onsense-nay."

"Neku," said Eri at last, "turn on speaker mode on your phone. I'm gonna put them in their place."

Ooh… I liked the sound of that. That's the voice of someone who's ready to put an end to this charade. Let's see who the boss was now.

"Speaker mode's on," I said, holding the phone towards the entire group. "Ready to speak to your subjects, Eri?"

She cleared her throat, then spoke with a grandness befitting of a queen.

"Your goddess is here! And I have words for you!"

Tsubasa and his friends instinctively shrunk to half their size and blurted all manner of greetings that they deemed polite. "Your Highness!" proclaimed one, while another started, "It's such an honor to…"

"Silence!" And the room was still once more. "Let me get right to it. I have said time and again that I have no intention of being a part of your fan club… and you still keep pressing me to join. Will you quit it already?!"

Tsubasa, seeing that she wasn't happy, tried to placate her with his smooth talk. "Ahaha… Eri, I know that's always been a sore point for you, but I assure you, all we want is to show our appreciation for how perfect you are. Really, that's all we want to do. We just feel that if we work together we can achieve our goals a lot faster and easier."

Luckily she wasn't fooled. "You've said that so many times I'm sick of it. Now all of you listen to me and listen well or there will be consequences."

None of them was brave enough to call her bluff. Or maybe they genuinely thought they'd be royally boned if they didn't obey.

"You need to put an end to your fan club shenanigans," she said, to the growing horror of her fans. "I'm telling you to disband right this instant 'cause you have better things to do with your life than to spend your waking hours chasing after my butt and writing creepy fanfiction about me!"

The thin guy gathered all of his courage to put forth a flimsy argument. "But we don't write fanfiction!"

And he got swatted down. "Well, whatever it is you do in your club. But seriously, get a life! Go out and see the world a bit! There's more to it than just one person. And for goodness' sake, forget about me already. I'm just an ordinary girl. Nothing special, nothing to see. I am not perfect, I make mistakes too! I am not someone you need to idolize. Okay? Did you get that?"

The entire club looked dejected and all they could manage was a whimper from the fat guy.

"Hey," said an impatient Eri, "I said 'did you get that?'"

"W-We got it," gulped Tsubasa, before addressing his fellow fanatics. "Guys, she has spoken. It saddens me to say this but today marks the end of 'Eri 4 Life'. But let's look at it this way: we just learnt an important life lesson."

"H-Huh?" The thin guy frowned. "What's that?"

"If we're gonna create a fan club, it ought to be for someone who's actually perfect. And since Eri herself says she isn't, then maybe it's not in our best interests to continue."

Could you believe these guys? They completely misunderstood the whole point of Eri's rant. But if this got her off the hook then all's well that ends well, I guess. She sure wasn't going to complain.

"Yeah!" said the guy with the cap, whose breathing was mysteriously back to normal. "Alright, let's find ourselves a real idol!"

"Shibuya's a big place," said the fat guy, bubbling with a sense of adventure. "I'm sure our dream girl is out there somewhere, waiting for us!"

"That's right!" It was the thin guy's turn to say something. "Eri doesn't cut it anymore. She said so herself!"

"Okay, then we're done here!" said Tsubasa confidently. "No more 'Eri 4 Life' for us. It's over, but in a good way!"

I could sense the irritation in her voice. She was probably thinking, "I know I'm free but that ticks me off somehow." Imagining that brought a smile to my face.

"I'm done here," said Eri curtly. "Bye."

The line went dead, and without another word I left, putting a crazy day behind me.

XOXOXOXOXO

I treated Eri to beef cutlets that night in celebration of her victory over the idiots of the now-defunct loony club 'Eri 4 Life'. Boy, did she tuck into those cutlets!

"Thanks for helping me out, Neku," she said. "I think that should be the last I'll ever hear from them."

I chuckled. "That speech you gave to Tsubasa and his lot was all kinds of awesome."

"You bet! I still wasn't wearing clothes at that time either; I had yet to put anything on! I tore them down so epically and I was naked while I did it. Am I a pro or what?!"

"Sure you are. You'll still have to work with him though…"

"I don't think he'll be a problem anymore. Thanks again, Neku."

"No need to thank me. You're the one who ended the whole fiasco. I was just the guy holding up the phone while you were scolding them."

She laughed. "You're a funny guy, Neku."

"Need more soup? I'll get some more for you."

"Oh yes, please. I'm in a good mood today. I'm gonna stuff myself silly!"

"Try not to explode."

I accompanied her to the modeling studio on her next evening of work. After what happened with Tsubasa, I wanted to see if he made good on his promise to leave her alone.

To our surprise we saw him leave through the front doors just as we approached. When we came face to face, he neither showed any signs of animosity towards me nor groveled at her feet. He was just… acting like any other normal person.

"Where are you going?" asked Eri. "It's time for work."

He flicked his hair to one side majestically. "Actually, I just handed in my resignation letter."

Eri and I gasped, very much taken by surprise. We sure didn't expect to see that coming.

"Y-You quit?"

"Yeah, I've seen pretty much all that Shibuya has to offer, so I'm gonna try my luck in Hokkaido. I'm moving there, you know. Got a truck and everything to take my stuff there. So obviously I can't keep working here."

"Why Hokkaido exactly? What're you planning to do there?"

His answer stupefied us.

"I'm going to form a new fan club, but to do that I need to find the perfect girl. And I reckon my chances of finding her are better there than here. It may not look it, but these fan clubs are an awful lot of fun. So I'm just gonna go ahead and keep doing what I love."

He had a real passion for useless things, that's for sure. Oh well, at least Eri wouldn't have to worry about being in an awkward working relationship anymore.

"Well, thanks for everything you taught me," said Eri gracefully. "And, uh, good luck with your… search."

"Heh, yeah, I'll need it." He walked away, calling over his shoulder. "By the way, I already asked the boys to assign a new manager for you. Have fun."

Then he disappeared down the stairs and was gone for good.

I remarked, "Well, that worked a whole lot better than I expected."

"Riiiiight." She gave a shrug. "That was weird, though."

"He wouldn't bother you again, that much is certain. Him and his posse of idiots."

"Yeah. Anyway, let's go meet my new manager."

"Cool, let's."

…

…

Author's note: Hmmm, it's not the best chapter I've written. I mean, I've tried to make it funny, but… I didn't quite get the same level of satisfaction that I get from writing most of the other chapters. I actually had a pretty solid idea of what Chapter 48 would be like: at first, Tsubasa was going to be a yandere ex-boyfriend, and he gets Eri drunk so that he can try and take advantage of her. But then the story got too dark, so I scrapped it in favour of the sillier but lighter fan club plot.

This story is meant to be a romantic comedy, and while there will be some dramatic parts, I'm not going to make this all dark and broody. How many anime and manga series have we seen start off as a light-hearted comedy only to slowly turn into an apocalyptic battle for the fate of the entire universe? I hate that! That's precisely why I prefer stories that are more slice-of-life-ish. Or at least stories that know where they plan to be from the beginning and stick with it for the rest of the journey.

Look at Non Non Biyori, or New Game!, or Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun. See what they have in common? They don't suddenly become dark and foreboding. But don't get me wrong, I love gritty stories too, like Full Metal Panic and GATE. But then that's because we go into the story fully expecting them to maintain a level of seriousness from the start, and they stick to their promise. So it's not such a huge mood whiplash when poop hits the fan and things get really serious. That's just my honest opinion, though.

Anyway, that's it for Chapter 48. Watch this space and stay tuned for Chapter 49… Thanks for reading, and until next time, I'll see you later!