A/N - As always, thanks for much for all of the support! All of the kind words in the reviews have really helped to keep me up and motivated during quarantine. As of now, there aren't any plans to reopen where I live, so I should be able to keep getting multiple weekly updates out. The next couple of chapters are all longer than those in the beginning- which is a good thing, but they also need significantly more editing.
I'm getting the vibe that Casey is a more popular character than Sam, which I kind of expected. I see people suspecting that Emily is signing herself up for more than she anticipated and we will see in the next several chapters how it plays out for her. I think that both Emily and Ali are struggling with the idea of if and how to move on. I kind of see Emily as more of a do-er and Ali as more of an avoider when it comes to conflicts. I've tried to reflect that in how they handle their relationships. We'll see how their approaches affect their overall character arcs.
With that all being said, hope you enjoy!
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Alison left the house in Rosewood on Sunday evening feeling empty. There was a big part of her that was upset at the news and even a little bit angry at Emily, but she knew that she couldn't feel that way. Emily had every right to date someone. Honestly, Alison was surprised that it had taken this long. When she moved back, she assumed that Emily would find someone right away. She knew what a catch Emily was. She was kind, and had a big heart; She was fun and adventurous; She was undeniably beautiful. It shouldn't have come as a shock to Alison that Emily had found someone that she liked enough to make her girlfriend, but it did. And it sucked. She knew that it was wrong to be upset with the brunette, so she decided to just shut down. She didn't want to feel upset, so she just didn't let herself feel any of her emotions.
She texted Sam on the way back to her place. What are you doing?
He replied back within a minute. Watching the Sixers/Hawks game. What's up?
Can I come over? She cut straight to the point. She didn't want to go home and sit alone. She just wanted to be with someone and she was wiling to push her annoyed feelings from the past week aside.
Sure. He replied, seemingly not upset that she was just reaching out now out of the blue when she they hadn't talked for the better part of a week.
When she got there, she didn't want to talk. She had both of their clothes off within five minutes and was pushing him into his room. She didn't want to worry about her feelings or emotions, but she wanted to just feel something. Luckily, Sam didn't stop her. He assumed that they were having some kind of make up sex after he'd made her mad the previous week and was happy to follow her lead.
He finally picked up that something was off afterwards when they were laying in bed and she wasn't talking. He rolled over and faced her, "Hey, is everything alright?"
"It's fine," she told him, "I'm just tired."
"Long weekend with the girls?" He tried. Usually talking about her daughters made her excited and animated, but she just shook her head.
He pushed himself up a little and reached out to her, "Are you still upset with me?" he asked.
"I'm not upset," she snapped back. She realized that it came off pretty harsh, so she snuggled into him a little, "I'm just tired. I wanted to see you though."
He wasn't convinced, but went along it and held her close, "Well… I'm glad you did."
She felt bad about it the next morning. Not only had she ran out on Emily, she'd also kind of used Sam in a way. She forced sweetness into her voice when they woke up, but didn't linger around long. She told him that she had to get back to her place and get ready for work, but she wanted to leave either way.
She continued to feel like crap all day. She knew that she would have to face Emily again, but she wasn't quite ready. She texted her after she left work asking for a raincheck on story time. It was rare that either of them ever ducked out of their nightly calls, so it immediately sent alarm bells off to Emily.
Alison joined in on Tuesday night, but was on and off of the phone as quickly as she could be. She was still trying to wrap her head around everything. The news had come as a shock to her, but she knew that she needed to get over it. The problem was that despite making logical sense of things, she still struggled to force herself to be okay with everything. She wondered if she'd gotten too comfortable with the brunette in the last few months. Was this why the thought of Emily with someone else stung her?
Emily wished that Alison would talk to her. She knew that she wasn't doing anything wrong by dating someone else, but she still felt bad that she had upset the other girl. She cared about her, so much, and she didn't want this to get between them. She wanted to preserve the relationship that they had built over the past year, but she also wanted to move on with her own romantic life. She thought that Alison would understand, but it was clear that the blonde needed more time. Emily was trying to be patient, but she felt a little bit frustrated.
She called Hanna and updated her friend on the developments. She knew that she could talk to any of her friends, or even her Mom, but Hanna had always been a good sounding board for her. She was always there when Emily needed and ear and gave her honest input. Hanna had been at her side from day one of her decision to get divorced and while she, like all of their other friends, had said that they were wouldn't get in the middle of the two girls, she'd always be a little bit biased toward Emily.
"So I decided to move forward with Casey. I asked her if she wanted to make things official," Emily told Hanna after they had greeted each other.
"Really?" Hanna sounded a little bit surprised, but still congratulated her, "Well I'm happy for you. I didn't think you'd make that move so soon…"
Emily thought for a second. "Do you think it's too soon?" she asked. She hadn't meant to rush into anything, she just figured that if she knew she wanted to make things more serious with Casey that it didn't do her any good to wait.
"No," Hanna replied, "As long as it's what you want."
"It is… and I told Ali about it."
"You did?" This part fully surprised Hanna.
"Mhm."
"And how did that go?"
"Um, not well," Emily huffed out a humorless laugh. She was disappointed with how the conversation had gone down.
"Well is everything okay? What did she say?" Hanna pushed for more information.
"Not a lot, so I don't really know if things are okay." Emily told her. She felt sad that Alison couldn't talk to her. She felt like they'd made so much progress if the last six months and Alison withdrawing felt like a step in the wrong direction.
"It'll be fine, Em. She probably just needs time to get used to the idea."
Emily played with her nails as she thought about it. She hoped that Alison would come around. What if she didn't?
"Could you maybe do something for me?" Emily asked.
"Depends what it is."
"What if you texted her and checked on her?"
"Emily, no. Ali is a big girl, she'll be fine."
"Please? I just want to know that she's alright. Every time I've tried to talk to her she shuts down."
"Well that's her own fault," Hanna retorted, "I'm not getting in the middle of this."
"I'm not asking you to do a full investigation, I'm just asking if you can text her and ask if she's okay." Emily asked again, a little bit annoyed that Hanna wasn't willing to help her out.
"I'll see what I can do," Hanna relented.
And that was enough for Emily. She knew that Hanna was right and that she shouldn't be so worried about the blonde. It was just now that she and Ali had been so opened with one another she hated feeling shut out.
Hanna's text came to Alison later that night by way of their shared interest in Mona. Hey. Did you get Mona's email about the bachelorette party next month?
Alison was on the couch, half eating dinner, half grading papers. Not really invested in either. She'd gotten the email earlier that week about Mona's bachelorette party. It was set for a weekend at the end of June in New York City. She texted back, Yup. And then followed it up with Looks fun. Not wanting to sound like a total downer. It definitely looked fun, but she'd struggled getting excited about just about anything this week.
Did you want to share a hotel room? Hanna asked.
We can if you want. Who is Mona staying with?
Quinn's sister I think?
Okay.. should I make the reservation?
I'll do it. I can't wait! I need to get out of this house and stick Caleb on Mom-duty. Alison finally laughed a little bit at that. Hanna loved her kids, but she was always candid about the struggles of chasing around a toddler when she had a new baby too.
Alison meant to reply, but kind of forgot. Her phone chimed again about ten minutes later. It was Hanna again. Ali?
Yeah sorry, was just grading a paper. I'm excited too. she responded.
Em told me that she told you about Casey. Hanna replied. So that was the girlfriend's name. Alison hadn't bothered to ask when Emily broke the news the other night. Hanna sent another text, You okay?
I'm fine she typed quickly, throwing the phone aside.
She definitely wasn't spilling her guts to Hanna of all people. It would just get back to Emily, and she knew that she needed to talk to Emily herself.
Alison had done a lot of thinking the last few days. The anger that she'd felt on Sunday night was the worst kind of anger because she knew that she didn't have the right to be mad. She decided that she'd try to talk to Emily tonight after they read to the girls. She wasn't sure how much she could open up about how she was feeling, but she was going to try. She realized that she had started to fall back into a pattern of having romantic feelings for the brunette and it was clouding the way that she felt about the news. She couldn't help that her feelings had been reignited, but she knew that she couldn't let them define their interactions. She'd have to find a common ground.
She stayed on the phone with Emily that night after the twins fell asleep, listening to updates her on some of the things that the girls had done that week. She waited for a lull in the conversation and finally addressed the elephant in the room.
"I'm sorry for running out on you the other night, Em," She offered.
Emily was a little bit surprised that Alison was willing to bring it up. She'd been hoping that they could talk about it, but was trying to give the blonde some space the last few days. "I understand," Emily told her softly, "I just wish that you would have stayed so that we could have talked through how you were feeling."
"I know… That's- that would have been the right thing to do," Alison gulped, "I just wasn't sure how I was feeling."
Emily nodded along on the other line, she had assumed that was the case. "Do you know now? How you feel?"
"I…" Alison tried to breath out a laugh to break the ice, but she couldn't get anything behind it, "No, I'm not really sure."
There was a part of Emily that wondered if asking Alison to tell her how she was feeling about her new relationship was cruel. She wasn't trying to be be. At all. But the truth was that if she continued dating Casey, she needed to know how Alison felt about it, so that she could know how to act.
Emily bit her lip, "I'm sorry if you weren't ready to hear that. I just didn't want it to be some big secret," she explained.
"No, I know." Alison took a breath, "I don't know if I was ready to hear it or not. I always knew you'd find someone else. I guess I just didn't prepare myself for it. And then when you told me… I don't know," she finished lamely. She hated that Emily was moving on, but she knew that it was the reality of the two of them not being together. She had finally been able to have normal holidays and regular interactions where things felt comfortable with the brunette. She selfishly didn't like the idea of someone else entering the picture now.
"I didn't do it to hurt you," Emily told her softly. She needed the blonde to know that this wasn't about her, it was about needed to move on.
Alison felt her chest get tight again, like it had the night Emily told her. She felt like she wanted to cry, but swallowed it down. She knew that she needed to get over this. She'd have to figure out to to move past it and, maybe someday, move on herself.
"I know," Alison said when she was able to speak again.
"I don't want this to change our relationship, Ali…" Emily said.
"It's going to though, Em, whether we want it to or not," Alison shook her head despite the fact that the brunette couldn't see her.
"Why though?" Emily didn't understand. Alison was seeing someone else, she had a girlfriend, they would continue to split time with the kids like they had for almost a year now. Why did things have to change?
"Because it's not just us now," Alison told her, "It's you, me, the twins, and somehow this girl is going to need to fit into the picture. Do you really think she's going to be okay with us spending the holidays together? Or is she going to join too?"
Emily hadn't really thought that far into the future. She just wanted things to be more serious than Saturday sleepovers and Wednesday coffee dates.
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything," Alison continued, "I know that you have every right to date someone… I'm just scared that things will change." She'd felt like she had a good hold on her family life and was happy with the way that things progressed over the last year. She knew that change was inevitable, but it scared her to think that she might have to take a step out of the picture that she'd fought so hard to get back into.
"Ali, they don't have to change. The relationship is new… I'm not going to like have her at the house when you're there dropping the kids off. I'm not going to invite her to Hanna's when we're all hanging out. Thanksgiving is a long way away, I don't know if I'd even have her there."
Alison stayed quiet taking it in. Sure, Emily said that now, but would she still feel that way six months down the line? "What about Lily and Grace?" She asked.
"She hasn't met them yet," Emily told her. She knew better than to bypass Alison on that. She was trying to do this the right way and go by the protocol that they had laid out when the blonde moved back. No way would she tell Alison that she was dating someone and then not bother to ask her permission before introducing Casey to the twins. Plus, she didn't even feel herself that she was ready for that. She wanted to develop the relationship more than make sure that Casey was there to stay. She didn't want to introduce someone to Lily and Grace that wasn't going to stay around.
"When is she going to?" Alison asked.
"I don't know. I don't think I'm ready to introduce her to them yet."
"I'm not ready for that either," Alison confessed. She hated to think of some other person having a relationship with her daughters. She didn't want to think about the day that they'd come to her place on Friday and start telling stories about some woman that she hardly knew.
"I understand. We can cross that bridge when it comes," Emily offered.
"Are you willing to wait? Until I'm ready?" Alison asked nervously.
"Of course," Emily nodded to herself. It felt like a compromise that she was more than willing to make.
"Thank you," Alison knew that Emily didn't have to make that concession for her and she appreciated it. This gave her some time to wrap her mind around this and get used to the changes.
The line was quiet for the next minute, both girls unsure what to say. Alison took a breath and filled it, "I'm sorry that I didn't call you sooner." It had only been a few days, but she knew that she couldn't just leave Emily hanging like that. Especially not if she wanted the relationship to stay in positive territory.
"I'm just glad that we finally talked… I was worried about you and what was going on in you head."
Alison chuckled a little, "Is that why you had Hanna text me?"
"Um, I'm not sure what you're talking about," Emily tried feign ignorance.
"Oh please, Hanna never messages me out of the blue."
"Sorry… I just wanted to know that everything was okay."
"I know," Alison told her. She had suspected that Emily was behind it and thought it was kind of sweet. She switched to a more flat tone, "Plus now Hanna and I are going to be roommates at Mona's bachelorette party. Wonderful."
"Oh god," Emily laughed, "You know you'll need to keep an eye on her, right?"
"I figured.." Alison rolled her eyes, "I'll make sure it doesn't get too crazy."
"Hopefully you can have some fun too?" Emily offered.
"Hopefully," Alison shrugged. She was actually pretty excited to get out of town and catch up with Mona. She just had to get through the rest of the semester first.
They chatted for another minute before hanging up. When they did, Emily breathed a sigh of relief. She had been frustrated by Alison's silence, but this felt like a step in the right direction. She realized that she hadn't thought super far into the future and what having a girlfriend would really mean in terms of her family life and she knew that she would have to navigate it by treading lightly on both fronts.
As the weeks went by, she tried to do just that. She kept things normal with Alison and continued to see Casey. They were in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship, and Emily found herself enjoying every minute that they were together. They spent a lot of time together on the weekends, and eventually Emily decided it was time to introduce her new girlfriend to someone important. She brought it up to her nonchalantly on the phone one night.
"Sooo... do we have plans for Saturday night?" Casey asked in a sing song voice. It was a safe assumption that they were doing something because they hung out almost every Saturday together, but they had yet to lay out plans.
"I had an idea that I wanted to run by you," Emily smiled into the phone. She had already made the plan for Saturday and was operating under the assumption that Casey would agree.
"And what's that?" She asked.
"Well, I wanted to know if you would come with me to my Mom's house for dinner. She'd like to meet you. I want you to meet her too."
"She does know that we've met before, right?" Casey chuckled on the other end.
"Yeah, but we were what? Eleven?" Emily teased.
"I think we were twelve," she corrected, jokingly.
"She actually did remember you from swim camp," Emily confessed, "But she'd like to meet you now... as my girlfriend. Not the girl in lane two that couldn't beat me in the 50 Free."
"Oh my god, I can't believe you would bring that up," Casey laughed with a faux shocked tone, "And don't act like you ever beat me in Butterfly."
"That wasn't my stroke," Emily pointed out.
"Well Freestyle wasn't mine."
"Isn't Freestyle technically supposed to be everyone's?"
"Um, do you actually want me to come meet your Mom on Saturday or not?"
"I do," Emily dropped the teasing tone, "So, will you come?"
"Yeah," Casey replied, "I will."
Pam had been surprised that Emily had offered to bring Casey for dinner, but was looking forward to it. She'd noticed how happy Emily seemed lately now that she was dating someone and was curious to meet the person behind the smiles. She'd made sure to talk to Emily about not diving in too deep too soon and Emily had assured her that she wasn't.
When the big night came, Emily found that she was more excited than nervous. Casey came by her house first and Emily drove them over to Pam's. Casey was in good spirits too and she felt like she didn't have anything to worry about.
Pam welcomed them both into the house and they all had a glass of wine in the living room while dinner finished in the oven.
"So Emily says that you remembered me from camp so long ago," she asked Pam.
"I did actually," Pam laughed with a nod, "Did you swim in high school? I don't remember you two swimming against each other then."
"I did, but I went to boarding school in New England, so lucky for me, I didn't have to compete against Emily." She smiled at the brunette, "I don't think I would have ever actually won a race if I did."
Emily shook her head with a laugh, "She's totally being modest. She was amazing in the prep league. Villanova gave her a scholarship."
"That's wonderful," Pam smiled, "Villanova is a great school."
"Thanks. Not quite as cool as California though," she shrugged with a sip of her wine.
"I loved it out there," Emily nodded with a reminiscent smile, thinking of those first two carefree years there.
"But I'm very glad that she came back," Pam noted. The circumstances of Emily's return weren't ideal, especially with the lies coming to light and the onset of AD's stalking, but Emily was happy to be so close to her family and friends. For as much as she'd love California, she sometimes felt a little bit isolated being so far away.
"I'm glad that she came back too," Casey nodded, her green eyes sparkling.
Pam smiled and stood up, "I'm going to put the finishing touches on dinner."
"How am I doing?" Casey asked, scooting a little bit closer to the brunette on the couch.
Emily wrapped her arm around her and smiled. She thought it was sweet that her girlfriend cared and wanted her mother to like her. "I think you're doing great," she pressed a kiss against her temple, "I know what you can do for extra brownie points though."
"What's that?" Casey raises her brows, eager to stay on Pam's good side.
"She likes when people offer to set the table and clear the plates," Emily advised, "just a heads up."
"Should I go and check now?"
"Maybe in a minute," Emily smirked and leaned in for a kiss.
They eventually joined Pam in the kitchen and got the table set. Dinner continued to go well. The conversation was flowing smoothly and Emily could tell that Casey was working hard to make a good impression. The only speed bump was midway through dinner. Pam was finishing her second glass of wine and clearly not thinking things through. She looked over at Emily in excitement.
"Oh! Did you get the video of the girls reading those words today?" she asked.
Emily smiled. Alison had sent both of them a video of Lily and Grace reading several words that she'd written on a piece of paper. Of course she was proud of her daughters and had watched the video probably ten times herself, but she didn't really want to talk about videos from Alison in front of Casey.
"I did, very impressive." She tried to keep it brief.
"It was amazing," Pam's eyes lit up, "Alison is doing a great job with them."
"Well, it helps to be an English teacher," Emily noted.
"What words did they read?" Casey tried to join in.
"The normal ones," Emily answered, trying to move along quickly, "The -at's… Cat, Hat, Mat… you know."
"Oh, they were so cute when they were trying to say chat," Pam laughed.
"Will you show me the video?" Casey asked.
"Yeah, later though," Emily answered, not really wanting to commit to it.
"I think she'll have them reading whole pages by the end of the school year," Pam noted.
"I work on reading with them too, you know," she told her Mom.
"I know, I'm just proud of the progress they're making."
"So their other Mom is an English teacher? Does she teach elementary school?" Casey asked, clearly avoiding using Alison's name.
"She's a Professor at Rosemont College," Pam supplied with a proud smile.
Emily wanted to roll her eyes because come on, did her Mom really have to sit here and talk up her ex-wife in front of her current girlfriend. She was proud of Alison's accomplishments too, but now didn't seem like the time. She settled for a tight smile and changed the subject.
The rest of the meal had gone well. They conversation stayed light and they all enjoyed each other's company. Casey had offered to clear the plates and Pam had raised her eyebrows at Emily in approval.
Afterward, Emily drove them back to her house. This was the first person that she was dating that she felt comfortable bringing into her house. Anyone before she'd intentionally kept away, only visiting at their places, but something felt different about this girl and Emily wanted to open herself up more.
They were lounging on the couch when Casey brought up the video again, asking if Emily would show it to her.
Emily twisted her lips in hesitation. It felt weird to show to her girlfriend because Alison's voice was narrating through it. Though she shared things about her daughters with Casey, she tried to keep her family separate from her relationship.
"It's a little jumbled," she told her, trying to veer away from having to show it, "I can probably record a better one to show you."
"I'm sure this one is fine. Come on, show me."
Emily slowly got out her phone. She held it close to her as she opened the text box from Alison, not wanting to flash her texts for her girlfriend to see. Not that there was anything inappropriate, but her relationship with Ali was her own business. She pressed play on the video and passed it over.
You could hear Alison asking 'Now why does this one say?' before pointing to each word. The girls read off the words on the paper one by one, each three or four letter word followed by cheers whenever they got one right. Emily smiled. It really was a cute video. She loved listening to their little laughs on the screen. Alison sent videos like this a lot over the weekends and they had always been something that kept Emily's spirits up.
"They are so cute," Casey gushed.
"They are," Emily smiles thinking of her daughters, "but you have to watch out. They're old enough now that they know they're cute and try to use it to get what they want. They can go from little angels to little monsters in a second if you're not careful."
Casey laughed, "So when do I get to meet them?"
This threw Emily for a loop. They'd never discussed this and quite frankly she didn't plan to have this conversation for a long time.
"Um... I'm not sure," Emily stalled, "They're with Alison every weekend, so..."
"There's always weeknights," the other girl pointed out.
"Yeah..." Emily looked around the room, not wanting to make eye contact.
"Emily?" Casey asked trying to redirect her attention.
"I'm not sure if it's time to introduce you to them yet." Casey looked confused at the answer and perhaps, Emily thought, a little bit sad. She tried to elaborate. "I mean, eventually, yeah. But I think we have to wait for the right time, you know? And I have to wait for Alison to give the okay on that too."
"So she doesn't want me to meet them?" Casey deducted.
The truth was that Emily wasn't quite ready to introduce Casey to the girls either, but she felt harsh saying that outright. She shrugged a little and nodded.
"Like she doesn't want me to meet them at all? Ever?" She asked.
"Like I said... eventually. Just not yet." Emily smiled at her pulled out the remote. "So what movie were you thinking?"
"Whatever you want," the other girl shrugged with a small smile.
"Come here," Emily beckoned her to come closer and they snuggled up together. "I was proud of you tonight. I think you made a great impression on my Mom."
Casey's demeanor picked up as she grinned at that, "Thank you." She leaned in for a kiss and the rest of their night went according to plan without anymore talks of Alison or the kids.
Emily and her mother followed up on the dinner a few days later when Emily was picking the girls up from her house after work.
"So what did you think of her?" Emily asked as she and her mother stood in the kitchen, out of earshot from Lily and Grace.
"She was very sweet," Pam complimented with a smile, though Emily noted that her face looked a little rigid.
"Is there a but coming?" Emily asked.
"No, not really." The older woman shrugged, "It's just going to take some getting used to is all."
Emily tilted her head, "Everyone has been so adamant for the past year about me moving on. Why is it now that I'm actually ready to do it that no one else seems to be?"
"Emily, no one is saying that," Pam shook her head.
"It sure feels like it."
"Why? Is Alison having a hard time?"
"What do you think?" Emily asked. "It's not even just that… I just thought that people like you would be supporting this." He voice got progressively higher and more strained.
"Honey, I do," Pam nodded and reached for Emily's shoulder. "All that I said is that it's going to take some getting used to. I'm not objecting to any of your decisions of disapproving of your choices."
"I'm sorry," Emily came back to reality, "I'm just stressed about it all, I guess."
"What did Alison say about it?"
"Well she literally walked out of the house when I told her," Emily vented, "But then later when we talked she said that she was just scared that things were going to change."
Pam nodded, "Things will change."
"But it doesn't have to be for worse."
"True," her mother folded her arms and looked at her honestly, "But you don't know that. There could be a day when you have to choose Casey's side over Alison's. That's probably what she's afraid of."
"I wouldn't do that," she mirrored her mother's stance and peaked into the living room to look at her daughters. Hers and Alison's daughters.
"Who knows what will happen down the line. I think you just have to make sure you're putting the twins first and be careful with how you manage Ali and Casey."
"I will," Emily nodded and added, "But you don't have to go raving about Ali teaching the girls to read next time at the dinner table."
"Oops," Pam replied, not looking very apologetic.
"Mom."
"I was proud of my granddaughters," she shrugged. "Take that as a lesson on managing your relationships."
"Seriously though," Emily asked, "Did you like her?"
"I did," Pam nodded with a smile.
"I do too."
Emily was happy to get the approval from her mother that she wanted. She wasn't sure why she was so high on the defense about her new relationship. She figured it was because this was the first person in a long time that she thought she might actually be able to envision a future with. It was exciting and Emily wanted to protect it and make sure that things didn't crash and burn before they even got off the ground.
Alison was coming to the opposite conclusions about her relationship with Sam. In the weeks following the revelation that Emily had a girlfriend, Alison did a lot of thinking. She was stuck on the idea that Emily had found someone that she wanted to be serious with, someone that she would eventually want to introduce their daughters to.
She wasn't mad at Emily for moving on, but she couldn't fathom the same desire for her relationship with Sam. They had been seeing each other for six months now, and as much as she hated to admit it, it just wasn't there with him. She didn't know if she would ever get to the point where she wanted to be serious with Sam and bring him around her daughters. The worst part was that none of it was really his fault. It frustrated her that she'd found someone nice, attractive, and successful- qualities almost anyone would want in a significant other- but she just couldn't bring herself to want to be with him. He'd been a special part of her life for months now, and she knew that if she cared about him at all that the right thing to do was walk away. It wouldn't be fair to continue things with him knowing that she was never going to feel as much for him as he seemed to feel for her.
When she sat him down and told him that she thought it would be best if they stopped seeing each other, he didn't understand. He looked at her with sad eyes.
"Did I do something wrong?" He asked.
She sat on the couch next to him, and shook her head.
"Well then why don't you want to see each other anymore?"
It hadn't been an easy decision. The hopeful part of her kept saying to give it more time, but the honest part of her knew that even all of the time in the world wouldn't do it. She cared about Sam and knew that he was being patient with her in hopes that she would eventually be ready for a relationship. She didn't want to leave him in limbo.
"Because I don't want you to wait around for me," she gave a half smile, "You deserve someone that you can have a future with. Someone who's actually ready for a relationship. Someone who you can hang out with on the weekends."
He shook his head, "I can wait until you're ready."
"But you shouldn't have to," She told him. No one should have to wait around for someone that they want to finally choose them. It creates unrealistic expectations and unequal power dynamics. Alison of all people knew that.
"But I will," he reached for her hand, "I get that you're a little bit more complicated than other women. I'm okay with that," he shrugged.
Alison didn't say anything. She wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to hurt him by pushing him away too hard.
He twisted his lips, "Unless… you're telling me that you're never going to be ready?"
She sighed. That was exactly what she was saying, though she didn't want to have to say it quite that bluntly. Sam understood by the look on her face. He let go of her hand and raked his own through his hair before leaning back on the couch away from her.
"I'm sorry," she tucked her lips in. She kind of hated herself for letting this go on as long as it did. For letting his feelings grow as a rate that she knew was way faster than hers. For knowing deep down from the get-go that he wasn't the one for her.
Sam turned his head over to her. Blue eyes looking distant in a way that she had never seen them before. "Was it ever going to be me?" He asked.
She wanted to tell him that she wanted it to be him. It would be kind, if not a little cliche. It wasn't the truth though.
"I don't think so," she said quietly.
He nodded and faced forward again without saying anything else.
"Do you hate me?" She turned her body towards him.
He turned his head back towards her, confused look on his face, "What? No… I'm just bummed," he forced a little smile. It wasn't like any of the other smiles that she'd seen over the last six months, though. It was like he was smiling to encourage himself, not her.
They sat in an awkward silence for a few moments before he spoke again, "It's because of your ex, right?"
She looked at him, confused by the question, "The hospital thing from last month?"
He shook his head, "No, I mean is this because you're not over her?"
"Why would you think that?"
He didn't answer, just raised a single brow.
"That's not it," she shook her head. "This has nothing to do with her. It has to do with me."
He nodded, accepting the answer, "Okay."
He didn't need to know if that was the truth or not.
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A/N - This chapter goes out to all you Sam-haters out there. Looking forward to your thoughts on the developments. Until next time, take care!