A/N - Hello again! Gosh, I loved going through all of the reviews and reading what you guys thought about the last chapter. Ya'll are passionate! I never intended for Casey to be a "villain". She likes Emily and it trying to find a way to move the relationship along, but I agree with you that she went too far. She messed with Ali's head a little, but I'm glad you all recognize the character growth in Alison. Despite getting shaken up, I think growth-wise she came out a winner. One major difference between Alison and Emily's relationships is that Ali told Sam from the beginning that she didn't want anything serious. It was Sam's own fault that he didn't listen/ hoped she'd change her mind. With Emily, she is telling Casey that she does want to be serious, but something is clearly holding her back from that. I think we all know what that "something" is.
As warned in the last author's note- This chapter will be pretty Beacon Heights heavy and focuses a lot on Alison. It was a chapter that I have felt very nervous about posting since I wrote it, but I feel that it is important to the overall story. Everything from TP is cannon, but I went with my own storyline of what went down in Beacon Heights beyond what we were given in Season 1. If there are questions, just let me know and I'll get them answered.
Hope you enjoy!
—
The month of June went by fairly quickly as everyone adjusted themselves to their Summer schedules.
Aria and Jason had surprised everyone by getting together, but they were all happy for them nonetheless. Emily noticed that Aria's mood had completely shifted from the sullen and confused state that she was in back at Christmas. Now, she seemed more happy, carefree, and hopeful. It reminded Emily of the girl that she had known in high school.
Emily also felt pretty happy herself. She had been seeing Casey for about three months now, and she felt like things were moving along well in their relationship. Her interactions with Ali were also a little bit better now than they'd been in recent months. She was trying to keep the blonde involved, even if they spent less time communicating than in the past. Emily wanted Alison to know that she was important not just to the girls, but still to her too.
The week after the twins' birthday party, Alison turned twenty-nine. She didn't have much planned on her actual birthday, but all of their friends had planned to get together with the kids over the weekend. Emily decided to surprise her the night of her birthday by bringing the twins to Rosemont, all three of them armed with cupcakes.
"Oh my god," Alison opened the door to reveal them. She was completely surprised. Emily hadn't even hinted at stopping by.
The twins pushed ahead of Emily with hugs and giggles of, "Happy Birthday, Mommy!"
Once they went running inside, Emily leaned forward with a big smile and gave her a tight hug. They'd all shared cupcakes in her apartment and she was reminded that the four of them were still a family despite the circumstances.
When the last weekend of June rolled around, Alison and Hanna drove to New York together to celebrate Mona's bachelorette party. Alison had been looking forward to the event for awhile. She and Mona had only spoken sporadically in the past few months, so she was looking forward to catching up with her in person and celebrating her engagement. She'd never met Quinn's sister before, but she was sure that the four of them would all have a good time together.
Hanna and Alison were getting settled into their room when Mona texted asking them to come up to the top floor. She said that she'd gotten a room upgrade and wanted them to check out her suite. Mona met them on the elevator, apparently you needed a special key to even got up to the room. Their brunette friend proudly guided them upstairs and revealed the unbelievable room that she'd scored for the weekend. There were multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, a small kitchen and dining area, and a large living room with tall windows that led out to a balcony. The views of the city were incredible. This had to cost thousands of dollars per night. How had Mona been given such a pricey upgrade?
As the they turned the corner of the posh suite into the living room, Hanna posed that exact question to Mona. The brunette turned around with a big smile and replied, "It helps to have friends in high places." She held her arm out beckoning them in the direction of the living room.
There were two girls sitting on the couch drinking champagne. The first was a brunette with stylish glasses that Alison assumed was the grooms sister. The second face was one that she recognized and knew well. Very well.
Her heart slammed into her chest at the sight of the girl. She hadn't spoken to Taylor Hotchkiss in over a year. She hadn't seen the girl in nearly two years. But here she was, just sitting there nonchalantly, a little smirk playing on her face. She looked good, Alison thought. Much better than she had the last day that Alison had seen her- at her mother, Claire Hotchkiss' funeral.
She and Taylor had been extremely close in Beacon Heights. There had been something about Taylor that drew Alison to her immediately. The two girls had so many uncanny similarities. Both blonde hair, blue eyed English TA's with the tendencies to get lost in the worlds of the stories that they read. They'd both faked their own deaths. They both had complicated family histories. They both struggled with being trusted upon a mysterious return. Alison felt like she really understood Taylor and the girl had been one of the first people to change her perspective on trust.
Taylor had been a huge help to Alison and Mona on their journey of unmasking Alex Drake as "The Professor". She had used her technological prowess to track down the source of The Professor's IP address, but when the blonde had gotten too close Alex made her pay. Finding her Mother dead was a turning point for Taylor and she spiraled downhill fast. She checked herself into a mental health facility at Mona and Alison's urging after the funeral. They were worried that she was going to go off the deep end and never return if she didn't. Alison had reached out to her several times while she was in the facility to check up on her. She cared about her and wanted to make sure that she was okay. Taylor eventually switched to a facility that was more spa than hospital and Alison lost touch with her. By the time that the had unmasked Alex and she completed her remaining semesters, Alison was ready to get the hell out of Oregon and never look back.
She thought of the other blonde often, though, and seeing her now felt almost surreal.
Alison looked around the room again. It made sense now that Mona has gotten this movie star room upgrade. Taylor was the heir to Hotchkiss Industries now that she was the only surviving member of her family. She had the money and connections to probably get three rooms like this. Alison had so many questions for the blonde, but Hanna beat her to the punch, lunging forward and introducing herself to the other girls.
Alison introduced herself to Quinn's sister, who she found out was named Megan. She was a few years younger than the other four girls and a little bit quiet, but she seemed nice. After that, she turned to Taylor and the two stared at one another for a moment.
Taylor was the first to slip and let her smirk form into a full fledged smile. "Did you miss me?" She asked.
"Yeah," Alison breathed out and mirrored the smile with one of her own, "Its so good to see you."
"You two know each other?" Hanna asked, interrupting the moment.
"We do," Taylor spoke up, "Ali took my spot as the English TA at BHU."
"Only because someone was in hiding at the time," Mona pointed out.
"Okay, we don't need to talk about that right now," Taylor told Mona, making it clear that she didn't want Mona giving her whole backstory. It was a backstory that Alison knew all about. Girl thinks someone is stalking her, girl fakes her own death, the dead girl lives again only for life to get even more complicated than it had been before.
"You guys should come check out the balcony. The view is insane," Megan told Hanna and Alison.
Hanna followed Megan and Mona, but Alison hung behind. She wanted to talk to the other blond, just the two of them. "How are you?" Alison asked, "Really." She couldn't help but reach out and touch the other girl's arm in concern.
"I'm okay," Taylor nodded, "Good actually. I spent about nine months traveling after I left RiverWell. I got back to Beacon Heights last fall to reacclimatized myself and then took over Hotchkiss Industries in January."
"It's not too much for you?" Alison asked, worry seeping into her tone. It wasn't that the work wasn't something that Taylor could do. She was incredibly bright and could probably do anything... but she was bred with the overachieving mentality of BHU and she often took on too much. It worried Alison that she'd go down a rabbit hole and get lost in the work.
"That's what I have Mona for," Taylor smiled. She and Mona hadn't initially hit it off, but they'd put their differences aside and became quite the team when trying to track down Alex. Taylor and Mona found out that they had a lot in common. One thing being the love for technology. She also shared the same compulsive nature when working on a project. They did a good job of trying to keep each other in check.
"She works for you?" Alison asked, surprised at this piece of information.
"She didn't tell you that?"
"No, she didn't even tell me that you were back in Beacon Heights," Alison told her. She felt a mix of sadness and annoyance.
"I'm sure she had her reasons," Taylor nodded. A silence fell over them for a moment, but Taylor was quick to fill it, "How are your daughters?"
Alison felt her lips tug back into a smile at the thought of Lily and Grace. They were still toddlers the last time she'd talked to Taylor about them. It made her realize just how much time had passed. She shook her head, "Five," she said simply with her brows raised.
"What?" Taylor's eyes widened, "How is that possible?"
"How is what possible?" Mona said as the other three returned inside.
"The twins are five now," Alison supplied.
"Yeah, and Aidan is four. And we're all almost thirty. And I am getting MARRIED," Mona spoke with excitement. Alison wondered how much of that champagne she'd already had. "We have dinner reservations in an hour. So let's all get ready and kick this little soirée off in style." Everyone laughed and followed Mona's orders. Alison never thought she'd see the day that she'd let Mona order her around but here they were. She'd talk to Taylor more later.
She and Hanna went back to their room and got changed and ready for dinner. Hanna was in party mode and opened up a bottle of wine while they were getting ready. Alison decided to wait though, she didn't want to be tipsy during her goodnight call with the twins. She sent Hanna back up to the the suite when Emily called and stayed behind to talk to them.
"Are you keeping an eye on Hanna?" Emily joked. Their friend had been looking forward to this weekend for months now and it was no secret that she sometimes overdid it when she got excited.
"I'm trying, but I think I'll need thee or four more eyes," Alison laughed.
She said goodnight to the girls and Emily reminded her to relax and have fun.
"Finally," Mona noted as she walked into the suite to join everyone else, "What took so long?"
"Someone is still in Mom-mode," Hanna joked. It didn't bother Alison. She looked forward to her evening calls with the girls and never saw them as a chore. She was definitely ready for a drink, though, and walked towards the kitchen in search of a glass of wine.
"Still doing bedtime calls to them every night?" Taylor asked, walking up behind her.
Alison blushed a little. Taylor had overheard her share of Alison's goodnight calls to her daughters. "Yeah, I miss them."
"I bet," Taylor poured her own glass of wine, "Aren't you proud of everything you've accomplished for them?"
Alison nodded. She was. Going to graduate school and furthering her career was ultimately about her. She needed more for herself and never would have been satisfied if she stayed at Rosewood High. Going out to Beacon Heights was such a good opportunity to study at a top school while getting distance from her looming divorce. Some of her decisions were selfish but she really believed that in the end she was being a good role model for her daughters. She wanted them to be proud of her too.
She wanted to talk to Taylor more. She was drawn to her now the same way that she had been in Oregon. The same way that she had been before she even knew the other blonde. Luck of the draw didn't have it that way when they sat down to eat and Alison spent the night at dinner stuck at the end of the table talking to Megan. When they got back to the hotel, all of the girls hung out on the balcony for a bit and then retired early.
Alison went back to her room with a staggering Hanna and made sure that the blonde made it into bed alright before changing and getting into her own bed. She couldn't fall asleep and took out her phone while Hanna snored next to her. She scrolled through her pictures. Her most recent photos were from her birthday. Lily and Grace were covered in icing. They had eventually taken some of the icing and smeared it across both Alison and Emily's faces. The selfies that they had taken were hysterical. Alison was amazed with how well the twins had acclimated with the changes in their life resulting from Alison and Emily splitting custody. They were so easy going and always seemed so happy to be with whichever Mom that they happened to be staying with.
There were times when Alison worried that the girls were missing out from not having a 'normal' upbringing with both parents living under the same roof. She wondered if the constant shuffling back and forth between Rosewood and Rosemont would do more harm than good. But then again she wondered what 'normal' really meant. The household that she had grown up in sure as hell hadn't been normal. She and Emily gave the girls so much love between the two of them. They were doing the best that they could for their daughters and it showed in how happy the twins were.
She was feeling content when her phone buzzed with a text from a number that she didn't have saved. I'm sorry that we didn't get to talk much tonight, the text read. It was an Oregon number and she was willing to bet that it wasn't the fiance's little sister texting her.
She decided not to ask questions, and just rolled with it. Tomorrow? She messaged back.
It's a date, the text read.
She smiled, and put her phone away. Seeing Taylor today has thrown her for an absolute loop, but in a good way. She hadn't realized just how much she missed the other girl. Everything that had happened in Beacon Heights and moving back to home had made her forget the feelings that she'd felt back in those first few months after meeting Taylor. She was the first person after Emily that Alison had opened herself up to. Everything with Taylor had been unexpected and intense, and then had been cut short. She wondered what the rest of the weekend would bring and felt herself excited to see her the next day.
When she and Hanna made their way back up to the suite the next day for brunch, Taylor was no where to be found. As Hanna made a beeline for the croissants, Alison asked Mona about Taylor's whereabouts.
"She's spending the afternoon at the spa," Mona told her with a blasé wave of her hand, "You know, mental health and all that."
Alison nodded, she knew that it was important for Taylor to stay balanced. She probably wasn't going to spend the day getting manicures and facials. It was more likely that she was just relaxing and decompressing. Alison had learned that it was something that brought Taylor peace and she knew that the other girl needed it.
"So did you like my little surprise?" Mona asked with a smirk and flick of the eyebrows.
Alison felt herself blush at the question. She had assumed that Mona had been privy to how close she and Taylor had been in Beacon Heights, but the brunette had never directly asked about it. She tried to keep her voice even. "Why didn't you tell me when she came back to Beacon Heights?" Alison asked.
"And what good would that have done, Ali?" Mona asked her seriously.
"I don't know," Alison shrugged feeling at a loss. "It just would have been nice not to worry about her. Did you think that just telling me was going to derail all of her progress or something?" Claire Hotchkiss had warned Alison to keep her distance. She told Alison not to pull Taylor into her mess. She hadn't listened to Claire and within six months Claire was dead and Taylor had gone off the dead end. It wasn't that the two events were Alison's fault, but she still felt bad.
"No," Mona shook her head, "I was worried that it would derail yours."
"It wouldn't have," Alison stressed.
"Look, Ali you asked for a fresh start in Beacon Heights and you got it. I understand that it didn't turn out that way you wanted and things went to hell, but when you left you were different than you were when you came. I know that you wanted to go home and be that version of yourself for Emily and your daughters. You had to put Beacon Heights in the past to do that."
Alison nodded. It was true. She had spent the last year rebuilding her relationships with her family and friends. She couldn't deny the progress that she'd made with her personal growth.
"So why invite her now?" Alison asked.
"Because," Mona tilted her head as if it wasn't obvious, "Everyone deserves to have fun. And what better place to have that fun than my bachelorette party."
Alison wasn't totally buying it. She narrowed her eyes at the antics.
Mona cut the crap and rolled her eyes, "Fine, it's that, but I also know that you two had a lot that you needed to talk about."
Alison nodded because they did. There was so much left unsaid between her and Taylor. She hoped that she would get the chance to say some of it.
—
Back in Rosewood, Emily was spending a rare weekend with the twins. Now that it was Summer, she got to spend full days with them during the week because they were all on break from school. She was still coaching swimming at the neighborhood pool and the girls liked to tag along in the morning for practices. The weekends always had a different vibe, though. She rarely got to spend lazy mornings involving cereal and cartoons with the girls and she was more than happy to spend the time. Being on mom duty for the weekend meant that she couldn't bring Casey around and Emily hoped that her girlfriend wouldn't mind too much.
On Saturday, she and the twins went with Spencer and Toby to the Rivers' house to help with the kids and all hang out together. Caleb probably would have survived on his own, but he appreciated the extra support since he was alone with his eight month old daughter and four year old son. It was weird to be there without Hanna around, but it was nice to spend some time with Spencer. They spent the afternoon playing with the kids and catching up. She and Spencer had remained close over the years, but Emily had definitely remained closer to Hanna because they were both raising young children in Rosewood together. Their friends had tried to stay in neutral territory after her divorce, but it was clear that with Hanna being Emily's go-to sounding board, Spencer became the same for Alison. Emily was glad that the blonde had that relationship with Spencer, but it made things tricky sometimes. She felt like Spencer knew a lot of things that she didn't and while it bothered her a little bit, she tried not to let it get the best of her.
Her phone buzzed while they were sitting on the back deck. The boys were getting ready to put lunch on the grill and the older kids were playing together, while Ava napped upstairs. She checked her phone and saw a message from Casey.
I wish that I could see you this weekend, the text read. Emily felt slightly guilty because she still hadn't broken the news to her that Alison was going to visit her brother for three weeks in July. Emily would have the twins the whole time and she knew that it would be nearly impossible to spend any meaningful time with Casey. She was considering talking to Alison about it, but hadn't decided if she was ready make that jump.
She sent a quick reply back, typing that she missed her and wished that they could see each other too. She put the phone away and noticed Spencer eyeing her.
"Was that Ali?" She asked.
"Um, Casey actually," she shook her head. "She's bummed that we can't hang out this weekend."
Spencer flicked her eyebrows, but didn't say anything. It was odd to Emily. She'd expect that kind of behavior from Ali, but Spencer had told her that she liked Casey.
"I'm sure she'll survive," Spencer told her with some sarcasm in her tone.
Emily furrowed her brows, "Everything okay?"
Spencer was on the verge of telling to Emily what she knew about Casey stopping into Alison's office. She wanted to. It was something that Emily should know considering it had changed her own opinion of the girl. She knew that it was Alison's choice to tell Emily or not, so she did her best not to open her mouth and spill it.
"Yeah," she forced a smile, "Sorry."
"So what do you think the other two are up to?" Emily changed the subject.
Spencer shook her head in amusement, "Hopefully not getting into too much trouble."
"I know, I told Ali to keep an eye on Hanna."
Spencer chuckled, "Well who's going to keep an eye on Ali."
"She's fine," Emily furrowed her brows, "She's responsible."
"I just mean because she's single," Spencer shrugged.
Emily eyed the other brunette. Did Spencer know something that she didn't know?
"You sure about that?" Emily asked.
"For a couple months now apparently," Spencer confirmed.
It was rare for Spencer to offer up information like that. Of all of their friends, Emily found that she was usually the most tight lipped when it came to Alison. She wasn't sure how to react to that piece of information exactly. For the last several months she assumed that Alison had quietly been in a relationship. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Emily spoke again.
"Im not sure what to do about Casey," Emily confided.
Spencer's ears perked up, "What do you mean?"
"She's putting so much pressure on me to meet the twins. I mean, I understand why she is, but still…" Emily knew that it wasn't completely fair that she asked the other girl to be her girlfriend and told her that she wanted to move forward with her, but still kept a major part of life to herself. In doing that she was majorly limiting the time that they were able to spend together and it was making the relationship stall a bit.
"She shouldn't be pressuring you, Emily," Spencer shook her head.
"Maybe pressuring isn't the right word-"
"No," Spencer cut her off, "it's exactly what she's doing. If she likes you as much as she says she does then she needs to be understanding of your situation by being patient with you. And be patient with Alison."
"I know…Casey thinks that she's being spiteful," Emily told her, "She told me that she feels like Alison is standing in the way of us moving forward."
Spencer raised her brows, she was so close to telling Emily what she knew. Instead, she asked, "Is that what you think?"
"No, I'm not even sure if I'm ready to take that step either," she shook her head, "but I should probably talk to Ali I think… See where her head is at."
"I definitely think you should talk to Ali," Spencer nodded.
Unfortunately, Emily couldn't do that now. She'd have to wait until the blonde got back. She wasn't going to call her when she was out of town and supposed to be enjoying herself for the weekend.
Back in New York, Aliso was definitely enjoying herself. The girls spent the afternoon enjoying all that New York had to offer. They did a lot of shopping. Hanna made sure that they stopped into her boutique and she showed the girls some other great little known spots that she'd learned from her time living in New York. They had a delicious lunch at a French cafe and then spent hours just walking around the city after that. By the time that they got back and changed for dinner, Taylor still hadn't returned. Alison was a little peeved and thought about texting the number that she'd assumed was hers, but resisted. Taylor had never been big on games, but if she was playing one, Alison wasn't interested.
The other blonde showed up to the restaurant for dinner, right in time to order. She sat across from Alison with apologies to everyone about some call with the fundraising head of BHU. Everyone waved off her apologies, still riding high from a fun afternoon and already excited for the events that would take place that night.
Alison made eye contact with her across the table and pressed her lips together in a tight smile.
'I'm sorry,' Taylor mouthed. It seemed that she hadn't planned on being MIA all day. Alison felt forgiving. She couldn't help note the short black dress that Taylor had on. It made her heart speed up and brought back memories of Beacon Heights.
In the moths following The Professor's entrance, Taylor, Mona, and Alison worked together to try and track down the figure before the person destroyed their lives and those of the students that were being threatened. Taylor and Alison spent so many late nights together and grew close. It was clear early on that they cared about one another and shared a connection, but Alison hadn't known how deep it ran until one night when Taylor kissed her. They circled around each other for a few weeks before actually giving the relationship a shot. They had decided to keep quiet about it. Taylor was laying low from her mother and Alison didn't want to give the Professor any ammunition to use against them.
One night, Taylor had a major breakthrough and thought that she had finally locked down the location of the Professor. She and Alison told Mona about their findings and the three had planned to get together the next day to come up with a plan of attack. Alison remembered that night well. Aside from their breakthrough, it had also been the first night that she and Taylor slept together. Alison could still picture everything from that night so vividly. It had been the first time since Emily that she actually thought she had found someone that she could trust. She felt so connected to the other girl both physically and emotionally. That night had hands down been her best night in Oregon. She felt like maybe there was a path for her. Maybe there was a future.
It all came to a halt the next morning, though, when Claire's body had been found dead. After losing her father as a child and her younger brother just months before, Taylor was devastated. That morning was the beginning of the end for her and Taylor. Within a week, Alison and Mona saw how rapidly her mental state had declined and all but forced her to check herself in to a wellness center.
Alison never got to fully explore a relationship with Taylor and still wondered if it ever really could have been something. She had felt so sad and lost following her divorce and finding Taylor had been the first time after signing the papers that she had felt some light. In the two years since she'd last seen the girl, Alison hadn't felt anything similar to the feeling that she had back then. She felt it now, though, being so close to the blonde, and she couldn't help as her mind began to wonder what if.
It was that feeling that led her on the course that she took that night.
After dinner, they had planned to continue the celebration at a club in Midtown that Hanna was familiar with. They had a table reserved with full bottle service, and it shaped up to be a fun night of dancing and celebrating. They'd stayed together as a group for the most part, but Alison separated herself at one point and headed to the bathroom. She and Taylor ran almost directly into each other when she was on her way back.
"Woah," Taylor put her hand on her hip to steady her. She didn't let go right away. She took a minute and looked into Alison's eyes.
And that was it, Alison went for it. She put both of her hands on either side of Taylor's cheeks and lightly moved the blonde against the wall and kissed her. She'd spent the last few months feeling lost and lonely. Ending things with Sam was the right thing to do, but it also meant that she spent most of her nights alone and stewing in her thoughts. Thoughts of her marriage, thoughts of her past, thoughts of Emily and her new girlfriend. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts tonight. She wanted to actually let herself feel something again.
Taylor kissed her back just as feverishly. Alison let herself get lost in the kiss in a way that she hadn't with anyone else since her marriage. When they broke apart, she finally got her bearing back. She looked around at the crowded club and knew that this wasn't the place that she wanted to be.
"Can we go somewhere?" She breathed out to the other blonde.
Taylor nodded. She looked into her eyes with a smile, "My room?"
"Yeah, text Mona," Alison instructed and pulled the other girl in the direction of the exit.
—
Alison woke up the next morning tucked into fluffy white sheets, naked, with another arm wrapped around her. The room was still fairly dark, but there was a sliver of light peaking from the window. Taylor was laying across from her and blinked opened her eyes at the feeling of Alison waking up. Alison saw her memories from the previous night reflected in the blue eyes across from her.
"Hi," Taylor smiled. Alison returned the smile and snuggled closer. She had forgotten what this was like- to be with someone that she cared about and felt close to not just physically, but emotionally.
"Last night was…" Alison didn't need to finish the sentence. It had been wonderful. The last few months had kind of sucked, and similar to how she felt the first time that they had been together, last night had been a flash of light to her.
"Yeah," Taylor agreed.
Alison looked around, "What time is it?"
Taylor didn't answer. She untangled herself and got out of bed. She pulled the curtain to reveal the city skyline just as the sun started to rise over the skyscrapers. She walked back to the bed with a satisfied smile on her face.
"Time to watch the sunrise."
Alison gave a light laugh, "Did you plan this?"
The other girl shrugged as she curled back up under the covers. "I wouldn't say planned, but…"
"But?"
She brought her gaze back to Alison, "I guess I hoped?"
Alison smiled to herself, dimples forming deep into her cheeks. She'd hoped for the same thing.
"When I found out that you were coming this weekend, I asked Mona if I could come too. I wanted to see you," Taylor confessed.
"I'm glad you came, but I wish that you would have reached out sooner." Alison tilted her head. She wondered what things out have been like if they had stayed in contact.
"I know," Taylor nodded, "I thought about it, but I didn't know what to say to you. Things ended so suddenly and with everything with my Mom…" She looked a little bit lost at the mention of Claire.
Alison took a deep breath and asked something that had been weighing on her for some time now, "Did you blame me for what happened to your Mom?" And her younger brother too for that matter. Nolan Hotchkiss had been Alex's first victim, and it had been that knowledge that had sent Taylor into an obsession of wanting to find The Professor.
The blonde furrowed her brows at Alison's question, "Why would I blame you?"
Alison shrugged and looked back at her sadly, "Alex came to Beacon Heights and hijacked the Beacon Guard system because she wanted to lure Mona and I to BHU," she shook her head. "If it wasn't for us…"
"Stop," Taylor put her hand on top of Alison's arm and shook her head, "She was able to do what she did because the whole idea of Beacon Guard was flawed from the start. I invented it to help people and look what it did. It bred this culture of perfection that made people go crazy. She was able to do what she did because of the system itself."
Alison still felt bad though. She couldn't help it. Taylor could see the thoughts on her face and spoke again. "The idea of perfection is a myth. I created Beacon Guard with the idea that I could change the world. That I could make Beacon Heights a perfect place to live… but I can see now that I was striving for something impossible."
"Perfection is impossible," Alison pointed out, "But you can always improve."
"And sometimes, you don't need to," Taylor ran her hand down Alison's arm.
"Are we still talking about Beacon Guard?" Alison asked.
"Ali, I told you before, that you need accept yourself for who you are. Stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault or things that you can't change. You're uniquely you. I hope you haven't forgotten that."
Taylor and Alison thought in so many of the same ways. It shouldn't have surprised Alison that Taylor could see that she was feeling unsure of herself. When Alison returned to Pennsylvania, she had come back with a sense of self-assured hope. Things had gone well in the beginning and she and Emily had been able to patch up some of their wounds, but she'd been a little bit lost in the next step. She was struggling to find how to move forward with her life, so she did what she thought that she was supposed to do. She really wanted to feel something with Sam, but it hadn't been there from the beginning. Truthfully, she hadn't met anyone since she'd been back that she was even remotely interested in a future with. The fact that Emily had found someone that she was willing to move forward with had been hard for Alison to comprehend. She wondered what was so wrong with her that she couldn't do the same.
"Do you ever wonder if things would have worked out?" Alison asked, voice coming out in a whisper. Taylor had been one of the first people that she had met who was willing to trust her, and in return Alison had trusted her back. It was that foundation that Alison had built her feelings on. It had felt right at the time, and though it wasn't quite the same feeling that she had when she was married, it was the closest that she had come since.
"Of course," Taylor nodded before pressing her lips together and looking directly at Alison, "But I would never ask you to come back to Beacon Heights."
Alison met her gaze and took a breath. A part of her wondered how Taylor had been able to stay, but at the same time, she knew the feeling. Back when she was eighteen and all of her friends went running for the hills, she found her solace in staying in Rosewood. She wanted to give the place a second chance. She wanted the place to give her a second chance.
Still though, Alison would never return to Beacon Heights. Part of it was the terrible memories that Alex had caused, but even if that had never happened, she would never be able to be so far from Lily and Grace again. Taylor continued as if reading her mind, "And I know what the answer would be if I ever asked you to come. You're where you need to be."
She nodded, but she still couldn't help but ask, "And what about you? Will you stay in Beacon Heights forever? The East Coast is pretty nice too," she tried.
Taylor gave a little chuckle, "I'm the only person left in my family to run Hotchkiss Industries… and even if I wasn't I would still want to run it. I can never let BHU get as scary as it was. That wasn't why my family founded the school. I owe it to my mother, as crazy as she was."
Alison smiled at that. She hadn't been completely serious. She knew that Taylor wouldn't move either. She wondered if she'd ever be able to find this feeling again with someone else.
"I hope everything works out. I care about you, Taylor." She told the blonde.
"I know. I care about you too," Taylor gave a shy smile, "I mean, I was in love with you."
Alison tilted her head in surprise. They had never gotten that deep when they were together, so this was the first time that she was hearing this. She'd felt something strong for the other girl, but had never vocalized those feelings out loud to her, and the other blonde hadn't either before this. She wasn't sure what to say. She was attracted to Taylor, and had a strong and emotional connection with her. Alison cared about her a lot, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to say the same to her. Still, though, she felt thankful to the other girl for sharing her feelings. If she was capable of receiving love, maybe she could give it again to someone someday.
She leaned forward and pressed a kiss against the other girl's lips as a thank you. It also felt like she was sealing an envelope shut. The envelope of her past, the envelope of BHU.
Alison's phone rang from the nightstand and Taylor nodded for her to get it. It was Mona. Neither of them had spoken to the other three girls since they left the club and she hoped that Mona wasn't upset that they ditched.
"Hello?" She spoke tentatively into the phone.
"Good MORNING," Mona called out. Alison could detect the typical Mona-sass from the greeting, but also noted from the tone that she might still be drunk.
"Hey, sorry for leaving early last night," Alison apologized.
"It's fine. Hanna stayed in the suite with us and just texted me that you weren't in your room. I wanted to check on you. I assume you're with Taylor?"
Alison looked across from her at the other blonde and blushed before confirming that she was.
"Well breakfast is in an hour, I expect you both in attendance," Mona told her before adding, "dressed."
"Sure, see you then." Alison felt a little embarrassed at the implication and quickly hung up.
Taylor was grinning next to her and rolled her eyes. She'd clearly heard most of the conversation, which wasn't surprising considering how loudly Mona was talking for 7am. She reached around the side of the bed and handed Alison her bra before going in search of the rest of their clothes. Alison hoped that Hanna was hungover and would keep the questions to a minimum.
An hour later, everyone met for breakfast in the hotel restaurant. The conversation was quiet, with most of everyone trying to refuel after a long night out. Luckily, Alison felt fine. She was definitely pretty tipsy in the club, but unlike the others, she and Taylor hadn't stayed out drinking until nearly 3am.
Se hugged Taylor goodbye in the lobby.
"See you at the wedding?" Alison asked.
"I'll be there," the blonde confirmed and went to say goodbye to the others.
Alison took a moment to watch her. This felt like the end of something, but she was ready to find another beginning for herself. In the past few months, she'd felt like she'd forgotten who she was and had lost her sense of hope. Similar to Emily trusting Alison with the pregnancy, it was Taylor's trust in her that led to Alison feeling confident enough to open up and go for what she wanted. Sure, hope can lead to eternal misery, but it could also lead to happiness. Hope gave Alison the strength and perseverance to fight for her own happiness. She didn't want to lose that again now that she had a reminder.
The two hour drive home felt like it was much longer. Alison had offered to drive the first half of the way while Hanna napped. After they crossed the line from New Jersey to Pennsylvania, Hanna took over. They didn't talk for the first few minutes. It wasn't comfortable silence, but Alison wasn't really sure what to say to Hanna. She hadn't wanted to bring up anything from the previous night.
Hanna apparently had no problem bringing it up. "So, did you have fun last night?" She asked innocently.
Alison gulped and nodded, "Yeah, it was a great weekend."
Hanna kept her head facing forward but glanced at Alison out of the corner of her eye, "So did you… get lucky?"
"We're not doing this," Alison shut the question down, voice cold and stern.
Hanna was unphased, "And here all this time, I thought that Em was the only girl you've been with. How many other have there been?"
"Can you stop? Please?" Alison asked. Her voice went up several pitches at the end of the sentence. She didn't feel comfortable talking about this. She'd never talked to anyone about this type of thing. Guys were one thing, but she'd never about girls outside of Emily before.
Hanna looked over and noticed that the other blonde had turned red. Over the years, she'd been so used to talking openly with Emily about her sexuality. It never occurred to her that maybe Alison wasn't quite ready for that yet.
"Hey, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you embarrassed or anything. I was just trying to get some details out of you."
"Why?" Alison bit, defenses rising in full swing, "So you can go running back and tell Emily?"
"What?" Hanna snapped her head in Alison's direction briefly before returning back to the road. "Why would I do that?"
"Because, you're basically her best friend. Why wouldn't you tell her?"
"I wouldn't tell her if you asked me not to," Hanna pointed out, brows pinching together.
Alison folder her arms and eyed the blonde next to her. She didn't really want to give Hanna information and have it get back to Emily. Still though, she'd never really talked to anyone about her feelings for Taylor. She and Mona had acknowledged it, but the brunette never asked for details.
Hanna could sense that maybe Alison needed this. Maybe she needed an ear from a friend. "I'm guessing this weekend wasn't a one time thing…" Hanna tried, "So is there history there?"
Alison quietly debated for a minute before nodding.
"Were you two together?
"Um, kind of," Alison twisted her lips. They had never never sat down and defined the relationship, but it was assumed. "It was pretty short lived though. Her Mom was killed, I'm pretty sure by Alex Drake, and she needed help to deal with it…. Before this weekend it had been two years since I've seen her."
Hanna raised her eyebrows at the information, "So this was a pretty big weekend for you then."
Alison nodded and bit her lip. Seeing Taylor had really thrown her for a loop, but in a good way. "I haven't really had feelings like that with anyone else since Emily."
"What about that guy you were seeing?"
"I tried so hard to get there with him," Alison shook her head, "I gave it months just thinking that those feelings would come and I'd want more, but I just never felt emotionally close to him." A part of her couldn't understand why she couldn't get there. There was nothing wrong with Sam. Alison was sure that any girl would fall for him in an instant, and she couldn't figure out why she couldn't. "I don't know what's wrong with me," she told Hanna.
"Why do you think something is wrong with you?" Hanna asked.
"Because why couldn't I just make myself feel something?"
"Ali," Hanna gave a soft laugh, "It doesn't work like that."
"Well, why can't it?" She asked stubbornly.
"Because," Hanna took a moment, she knew that she wanted to ask, but it was uncharted territory for her when it came to Alison. She didn't want to go too far and piss the blonde off, but she could also see that Alison clearly needed to talk through some things.
She took a breath and redirected, "Think back, have you ever felt like that with a guy?"
"Like what?" She furrowed her brows.
"Like what you said you were looking for with Sam. Feeling emotionally close, not just physically."
Alison thought for a minute. She'd been with plenty of guys over the years physically, but she'd never found one that she was truly willing to let in. Not even Archer, because at the end of the day, that relationship had all been a lie. There wasn't any guy that she could remember feeling close to. She'd been trying to be honest with herself lately, but this part of the puzzle had never clicked quite into place before now. It was somewhat alarming to her that it hadn't before.
She gulped and shook her head, "So what does that mean?" She wondered to her friend, anxiously.
"It doesn't have to mean anything," Hanna told her lightly. She could see that Ali wasn't ready to define herself yet, not that she had to at all. She could see that the other blonde trying to put the pieces together in her head, though.
Alison twisted her lips, "Taylor and I were really close. I felt that with her," she confided.
"See," Hanna smiled, "There's nothing wrong with you."
"She told me this morning that she loved me."
Hanna's brows shot up, "Wow like, in love, or loved, or?"
"I'm not totally sure," Alison shrugged in thought.
"What about you? Did you love her?"
Alison thought, "I know I felt that feeling with her… being being emotionally close, but I don't think that it was love exactly. I feel like maybe I could have?" She took a minute before concluding, "I've only ever really been in love with one person. I know what that felt like. I cared a lot about Taylor but what I felt for her wasn't close to that strong."
"Maybe it could have been? Eventually?" Hanna asked.
Alison shrugged, "Maybe, I'm not sure." She didn't feel convinced, though. Falling in love with Emily had been the easiest thing she'd ever done in her life. There wasn't anything that ever had to build or grow, it was just there. "I think when I met her everything with Emily was so fresh. I was hurting so much and I don't know, she made things better in a way."
Hanna glanced over at her with a sympathetic expression, "Are you still hurting?"
Alison released a long breath she'd been holding in she shook her head, "I don't know.. some days are better than others. I'm just trying to figure out how to move on, but it's hard. Emily seems to be moving on just fine. I don't understand why I can't."
"I'm sorry, Ali," Hanna told her solemnly.
"It's fine, it's my problem to figure out-"
"No," Hanna interrupted, "I mean I'm sorry that I haven't really been there for you since the divorce." Despite everyone agreeing that they weren't taking sides, Hanna's close relationship with Emily had prevented her from being unbiased from the beginning. She rarely, if ever, reached out to Alison when she was in Oregon. She didn't know how badly the blonde had been hurting then because at the time she was trying to help Emily through her pain.
"Em needed you more then, it's fine." She understood and hadn't been upset with Hanna over it.
"Well I'm here now," Hanna smiled, "Anytime that you need to talk." She reached across the console and gave Alison's hand a squeeze. She wanted to be there for her. She didn't want Alison to get lost in her own mind. She wanted her to be happy. To be comfortable being herself.
It was quiet for a moment before Hanna continued, "And as for Emily... I hope you know that she's just trying to do her best, but she... she struggles too." Hanna didn't want to say too much and betray the brunette's confidence, but she didn't want Alison to think that she was alone in this. Feeling hurt and lost were parts of a breakup that everyone experiences. Just because Emily was trying to date someone new didn't mean that she didn't go through similar doubts that Alison had.
Alison took in the information. Emily did a great job of holding herself together. Alison knew that things weren't easy for her. Knowing that she had struggles too was somewhat comforting, but made her feel sad for the brunette too.
"I don't know how you guys do it, honestly," Hanna wondered, "When Caleb and I were broken up, I was only able to move on because we were in different places. When I finally was seeing him again regularly I realized that maybe I hadn't actually moved on at all. I can't imagine what it's like to have to co-exist with your ex and still try to move on."
"It feels impossible sometimes," Alison nodded, "But seeing Emily makes me happy. Knowing that we're still close is one of the only things that brings me peace." It had been easier to wrap her head around the idea of moving on when she'd been 3000 miles away in Beacon Heights. It was harder to do that when she spoke to Emily everyday and saw her several times a week. Still though, Alsion wouldn't change it if she could. She liked seeing Emily, even if it was hard sometimes.
Hanna nodded, "I think that's how she feels too."
Alison knew that the best things to come out of the last year were her relationships with Emily and her daughters. Things had felt so fractured when she left to go to BHU. By the time she came back, things were better, but she still felt like they were being held together by a string. Now though, they had found their stride. She missed the way that things used to be- when they were married and she saw her daughters everyday, but they had turned their situation into something special none-the-less. She didn't want things to change, but she also knew that they couldn't stay in this phase forever. It felt like she was saying that she was moving on without actually doing so. If Emily was taking that step, maybe she needed to as well.
The silence lingered for a moment. Alison quietly asked, "Do you think that I should let Emily introduce her girlfriend to Lily and Grace?"
Hanna's brows pinched in thought, "What do you think?"
Alison smirked, "I asked you first."
"I think that if Caleb wanted to introduce Aidan and Ava to a new girlfriend, I'd tell him that the only way that he could do that would be over my dead body." She laughed. Alison couldn't help chuckling too, despite the circumstances.
"I mean yeah, that's pretty much how I feel… but I also think that- I don't know, maybe I need to be a bigger person than I've been?
"That would make you a better person than me."
Alison laughed again, "Right, but I just wonder if I'm standing in her way of moving on."
Hanna glanced over at her briefly. She shook her head. Alison was standing in Emily's way of moving on in more ways than she knew, but that wasn't for Hanna to tell her. "I guess you need to decide what's best for both of you."
Alison felt pretty sure about what to do moving forward. She was planning to spend three weeks in South America with Jason and Aria next month. She decided that she would talk to Emily between now and then. If the brunette wanted to move forward with her girlfriend, Alison figured it would be nice if she did it while she wasn't there. She felt like she needed to take this step to let Emily go. Maybe this was the step to her truly moving on herself.
—
A/N- What's that cliché saying about if you really love someone, they you have to let them go? That maybe they'll come back? Taylor let her go. Alison will try to do the same for Emily. We'll see how that works out.
Thanks for reading and stay safe!