A/N - Thanks as usual for continuing to read and stay engaged in the story! The drama meter was low in the last chapter meaning the Emison interaction meter was also down. No worries. Back to the regularly scheduled programing. Enjoy!
—
Alison decided to talk to Emily the night that she got home. She was set to leave for Bolivia in less than two weeks and knew that if she was serious about giving Emily the go-ahead to introduce their daughters to her girlfriend that she shouldn't procrastinate. It wasn't so much that this was something that she wanted to happen. Whether or not Emily went through with it was up to her, but Alison felt like if they were all going to move on someday, that she needed to start accepting it. If this was something that Emily wanted, she was going to let her have it.
Emily and the girls were in good spirits that night. When Emily pulled out the first book to read, Grace reached for it and read the title on the cover out loud. Alison was pretty sure that she just knew the title by heart and might not have actually been reading it, but she sang her praises none the less. The twins giggled through the first book and then to quiet them down, Alison picked out a more serious one to help them get settled.
After the girls were close enough to sleep, Emily left the room and made her way back down to the living room. "So how was the weekend in the city?" She asked, genuinely curious about the events. She had never actually been to a bachelorette party before. Hanna and Spencer had both eloped, and she and Ali did something similar to Aria with all of their friends when they had gotten married.
"It was good," Alison smiled. It had been nice to celebrate Mona and seeing Taylor again had really upped her spirits. Navigating the last few months had been challenging and she was feeling a little bit lost in her self-identity. Spending time with Taylor had been a good reminder that she could be opened to someone else and maybe the possibility of a relationship. She wasn't sure if that was what she wanted for herself right now, but it felt good to have that confidence again. Even her time with Hanna was helpful, as the other blonde seemed to offer her clarity that she certainly wouldn't have expected to get from her.
"Did you keep Hanna in line?" Emily joked.
Alison felt a little guilty and grimaced at the question. Technically she had ditched Hanna and Mona in favor of spending the night with Taylor. They'd been fine without her, but that wasn't a detail that she was wanted to share with Emily, regardless of the brunette being in a relationship of her own.
"She was surprisingly tame," she settled for. "How was your weekend with the girls?" They had spoken briefly last night, but the twins were pretty wiped out and Alison was trying to get to dinner so they hadn't hung on the line very long.
"Yeah, it was really good. We had a nice day yesterday. I think Caleb really appreciated having some extra hands to take care of the kids."
Alison laughed, "I'm sure he did." Caleb was a good father to his and Hanna's children, but he hadn't really grown up around babies and sometimes got a little flustered. "I appreciate you keeping the girls for the weekend so that I could go… I know it's hard when you only have weekends to see your, um-" she wasn't sure why, but it was hard to get the word girlfriend to come out of her mouth.
"Oh…yeah," Emily sighed, "It's a little challenging to manage her expectations when we're kind of limited with when we can see each other. I wouldn't have wanted you to miss Mona's big weekend though," Emily shrugged to herself. Casey hadn't been particularly thrilled when Emily broke the news that they wouldn't be able to see each other that weekend. It had been a week now since they'd seen each other. She missed the other girl, but keeping up her responsibilities was more important to her. Casey hadn't understood why Emily had been so willing to keep the kids while Alison went to a bachelorette party and it had really tested Emily's patience. She knew that her girlfriend was just let down that they couldn't see each other, so she had tried to be understanding, but it was grading on her.
"I'm sure. Do you know what you're going to do when I'm away visiting my brother?"
"Um," Emily pressed her lips together. Alison being away for three weeks had been another major point of contention between she and Casey. Her girlfriend had been much less easy going the last coupe of months than she'd been when they first started seeing each other. Pam had agreed to keep the twins for a few nights so that Emily could have a break and spend time with her girlfriend, but twenty one days was a long time, "I think my mom is going to help some… but with swimming and stuff timing will probably be pretty limited."
Alison had assumed all of that. She really didn't give a crap about Casey's feelings, but she tried to remember that Casey's feelings affected Emily. She cared about the brunette and she wanted to make sure that she wasn't doing anything to work against Emily moving on. It wouldn't be fair and she'd seen in the past that it had the potential to cause major resentment.
"Well I was thinking…" She bit her teeth down, god this went against what she really wanted, but she felt like she had to do it.
"What's that?" Emily asked when the line got quiet.
"I was thinking that maybe while I'm gone you could introduce her to Grace and Lily. If you wanted to, I mean." She didn't say anything else. She didn't even want to say that, but she felt like it was the right thing to do.
"Oh, you- you do?" Emily asked. Hearing the blonde say those words shocked her. She didn't know if or when Alison would be ready for this, but she certainly didn't think it would be this soon. She really didn't even know if she was ready.
"Well, I mean I'm going to be gone for awhile. I don't want to make things even harder on you."
"Yeah, but Ali if you're not ready, we shouldn't rush it." Casey had been her girlfriend now for three months. It hadn't been that long, Emily thought, though she was getting really tired of dodging Casey's constant requests to meet the girls.
"What's the point of waiting?" Alison shrugged. She'd thought a lot about it. If Emily continued this relationship, the girlfriend would have to meet the twins eventually. If it was going to happen, Alison felt like she wanted some say in when and while she was out of the country for three weeks seemed like the most ideal time. That way she wouldn't have to hear about some new person from the twins when they came to her house on Friday night.
Emily nodded a little to herself. She hadn't really weighed in her mind whether or not she was ready, but Alison had a point. It would also make her life much easier. "Okay, are you… are you sure?"
"I mean, I'm not really sure how I feel about her," Alison confessed, "but I think while I'm gone would be the right time."
Emily stayed quiet and thought for a minute. She understood that this all must be really weird for Alison having never met Casey before. The idea of finally introducing her to the twins was a little bit surreal, but if Alison was ready, Emily didn't see why she shouldn't be. Maybe she could make the blonde feel a little bit more comfortable. She had an idea. "Are you still coming over for the Fourth of July this week?" She asked. It was kind of an unofficial tradition for Emily to have everyone over. She'd done it the past few years now.
"I was planning on it, yeah."
"What if I had Casey come over after the kids went to bed? Maybe it would make you feel more comfortable if you met her first?"
Alison hadn't been expecting that. She had to remind herself that Emily was unaware that they had technically met before already. She cringed at the idea. She really had no desire to see Casey again. She knew that the other girl would already be thinking that Alison was giving her what she wanted and the blonde hated that. She wasn't doing this for Casey. She was doing it for Emily.
"I don't really think that's necessary," she told the brunette.
"You don't think you should at least meet her before you let her meet your daughters?" Emily asked. Something about this all seemed off to her.
"I…" Alison realized that she didn't really have an excuse for why not. "Um, I mean I guess I could. Yeah."
Emily pinched her brows together in thought. She was usually better at reading the other girl than this. She felt like something wasn't right, but she couldn't put a finger on what exactly. "Are you sure that this is really what you want?"
No, Alison wanted to say, but she didn't want to back out now. "Yeah, I think it's best for everyone," she forced out.
Emily wasn't sure why Alison wanted to make this move, especially after she had found out that the blonde was no longer seeing someone. It would make sense if she wanted to allow Emily to introduce the girls to someone because it meant that she could introduce them to her own significant other, but that clearly wasn't the case. What did the blonde stand to gain from this? She tried to remind herself that this wasn't the girl from high school who could be sweet one minute and cold and calculated the next. This was a woman that she had shared a love with. That she had built a trusting partnership with over the last year. If she said that she was okay with it, Emily would take her word for it.
But even after they hung up, Emily found that she was still left wondering what had brought this on. The decision came seemingly out of no where. Over the years, there hadn't been one relationship of hers that Alison full on supported. What was different about now? Emily hadn't expected any support from Alison. The blonde was her ex-wife, and all that she asked was that they were civil. This went far beyond civil. If she was being genuine, Emily couldn't help but feel proud of her. It was unexpected, but it also felt really mature. She hoped that she wasn't missing something.
Even with Alison seemingly giving her blessing, Emily still wasn't 100% sure that she was ready to introduce Casey to Lily and Grace. For her, the concept had always seemed so far off and in the future. She'd never really stopped to think about when that would actually be. Was this the future? She wasn't sure, but in the meantime, she decided to just invite Casey to the party. Her girlfriend had already been giving her grief about not spending the holiday together. She would placate her for now and make the decision to introduce her to her daughters if and when she felt comfortable. She had always thought that it was sweet that Casey had been so interested in twins from the beginning. Emily was trying to be patient with her, but at the same time, it bugged her that her girlfriend didn't seem to understand what a big step this was.
She decided that she would see how the introductions went at the party and go from there. When she really thought about it, the idea of Alison and Casey meeting made her feel almost paralyzingly anxious. She felt protective over both of them in different ways. With Alison, she didn't want to make things hard on her, or hurt her. Having a new girlfriend still felt odd to Emily. She she knew that the blonde had to feel similar. There was also a tiny part of her that wondered if Alison had something up her sleeve, but she tried to squash it. She knew that Alison could play nice, but only if she wanted to. She wondered what version of the blonde would be there to meet Casey.
—
On the day of the party, Emily was in the kitchen trying to make sure that all of the food was prepped and ready to go. The twins were playing in the yard, and she kept an eye on them from the window. It was a lot easier for her to multitask now that they were at an age that they were finally able to entertain themselves. She looked up at one point and Toby had entered the picture. He held Grace upside-down by her feet, and Emily could imagine the sound of the little giggles coming from the little girls mouth at she watched the scene.
"Hey!" Spencer walked up behind her, carrying a box with food that she'd brought for the party. She and Toby had agreed to come early and help get everything put together before everyone else came to the party. She looked past Emily out through the window and watched Toby. He had put Grace down now and was chasing Lily who resisted the upside down game. Spencer smiled to herself at the scene.
"He's going to be a really good Dad someday," Emily commented with a smile of her own. Toby was like an uncle to the girls. He always seemed to have the energy and patience for them.
Spencer nodded. They weren't trying to have a baby right now because she was in her last year of Law School, but maybe someday.
The two women spent the time slicing watermelon and chatting as the sounds of Toby chasing around two screaming five year olds was heard in the distance.
"Any word on how Mona's bachelorette party went?" Spencer asked.
Emily laughed, "They both said that it went well. So either it was pretty tame or they're covering for each other."
"I'd assume the latter," Spencer joked. "Anything new for you this week?"
It had been a pretty calm week so far in Emily's world. Except for one thing. "I talked to Ali about her trip."
"Is she excited about going to visit Jason?" Spencer was jealous. She had wanted to go too, but had a summer internship in the Mayor's office that she couldn't ditch.
"I think so… she actually told me that I could introduce Casey to the twins while she's gone."
Spencer's brows shot up at the news. Alison hadn't said anything to her about that. Last time she checked, it wasn't something the blonde wanted at all.
"I know," Emily agreed with Spencer's expression, "I was surprised too."
"So are you going to?"
"Um, possibly. It was nice of her to give me the go ahead but we'll see." A beat passed and she added, "I actually invited Casey to come tonight so that Ali can meet her. I figured it would maybe make her a little bit more comfortable."
"Why would you think that!?" Knowing what she knew about Emily's girlfriend, Spencer could say with certainty that Casey joining them that evening would definitely not make Alison more comfortable.
"Well I thought they should meet before I introduce her to our daughters," Emily defended.
"Yeah, but they've already-" And then Spencer shut her mouth because, shit, she was not supposed to say anything. As a matter of fact she had been actively trying not to tell Emily.
Emily tilted her head in confusion, trying to figure out what Spencer was going to say. "Already what?"
"Nothing. Sorry." Spencer tried to deflect the question, and moved to grab a serving spoon for the pasta salad.
Emily moved in front of the drawer and blocked her. She folded her arms, "Already what?" She repeated, this time a little more stern. She searched her friend's face, "What do you know?"
"Nothing," Spencer said again, trying to force some sternest into her own voice.
"They've met already?" Emily asked, raising her brows. It definitely sounded like that was what Spencer was going to say, but it didn't make sense at all to Emily. She would have known if her ex-wife had met her girlfriend. Right?
Spencer inhaled and released a long breath and shook her head, taking a step back from her friend. "You should talk to Ali."
Emily hated when it felt like people were keeping secrets from her. "I have talked to Ali. I talk to her every night."
"Well," Spencer was at a loss. She knew that she was already in trouble with the blonde, but if she fully spilled the beans, it would be even worse. "I don't know what you want me to say, Emily. Maybe you should talk to her again today then. Preferably before your girlfriend shows up," she added and took the spoon-less pasta salad outside to the back deck.
Emily stood in place. She knew that something hadn't been adding up after she talked to Alison a few days ago. Was the blonde planning something? She hoped not. That would have been something old-Ali did. Still though, this new-Ali had been such a big confidante to her. If she had met Casey at some point it was really hard for Emily to believe that she wouldn't have told her.
It was clear that Spencer wasn't going to tell her anything else and the idea that there was a secret out there was unsettling. The feeling festered inside of Emily as she continued getting ready. She promised herself that she wouldn't blow up on anyone and let her paranoia get the best of her. She really didn't think that Alison had something up her sleeve, but things just weren't making sense. She was coming up with more questions than answers and it was starting to unhinge something inside of her.
Hanna and Caleb walked in an hour later. Aidan went tearing through the house in search of his favorite twin playmates while his parents trailed behind. Caleb was holding Ava, and after saying hello, he went ahead and walked through the back door to join the others, leaving Emily and Hanna in the kitchen.
"Happy Fourth, I brought the red," Hanna joked holding out a bottle of wine. Emily took it and inspected it as Hanna continued, "I was thinking we could probably make Sangria with that.."
"I'd rather have a glass now," the brunette said, moving to grab the bottle opener.
Hanna cocked her head at the eagerness. Emily wasn't a huge drinker, especially not at one in the afternoon. "Uh, everything okay, Em?"
Emily opened the bottle and poured herself a generous glass. She took a long sip of it and faced her friend. "I don't know. Something is up."
"What do you mean?"
Emily's mouth started moving at lightening speed. "I talked to Alison the other day and she told me that she thinks I should introduce the twins to Casey while she's away. I thought it was weird, so I decided to invite Casey tonight so that Ali could actually meet her. Then when I told Spence about it today she started acting weird- like she knows something that I don't. She wouldn't tell me what. And then she said talk to Ali and-"
"WOAH," Hanna held her hand up and interrupted with raised brows, "Can you slow the hell down?"
Emily took a deep breath and another sip of wine before repeating, "Something's up."
Hanna eyed the brunette. She was acting a little off balance. "Okay, let's try again… slower this time. Something is up with what?"
"With Ali," Emily said simply.
"What about her?"
"That's what I don't know," Emily told the blonde feeling impatient, her voice slightly raised.
"Okay, well you need to calm down until she gets here then," she watched Emily take another gulp of wine, "And slow down with that… it's early."
Emily nodded. She just wanted Alison to get there so that they could talk. She didn't like the idea of secrets and every second that she had to wait made her increasingly more anxious and nervous.
And it didn't help that Alison was running late.
She had planned to get there around lunchtime, when Hanna and Caleb were arriving, but had gotten busy getting her bag packed for her trip and lost track of time. When she got in the car to make the forty minute drive, she was already an hour late. She hoped that the desert that she brought would make up for it.
When she got there, Emily intercepted her before she even made it through to the back yard.
"I need to talk to you," the brunette put a hand on her arm to guide her somewhere private in the house.
"Um," Alison laughed holding up her cake. She'd worked hard on it, using strawberries and blueberries to make it look like an American flag, "Can I at least put this down first."
Emily quickly took the cake from her. She put it on the counter and led the blonde to the downstairs guest room. She had a serious look on her face and moved with purpose. It confused Alison. She'd literally spoken to Emily last night and everything was fine then. What had happened in the interim.
"What's wrong?" She asked, folding her arms as Emily closed the door behind them.
Now that she had Alison alone, Emily wasn't sure where to start. She didn't want to throw Spencer under the bus, but she needed to get this figured out. Between Alison leaving for three weeks, wanting to introduce Casey to the twins, and now possibly having already met Casey, Emily had a million questions swimming in her mind. She saw several different scenarios and tried not to let herself think the worst. That had always been a downfall of hers and she was trying to be better. She wanted to hear from Alison before jumping ahead of herself.
"Why did you tell me the other night that you were okay with Casey meeting the twins while you were gone?" She asked, deciding that might be the best place to start.
The idea that Alison was leaving for an extended amount of time had initially made Emily uneasy in itself, but she wanted her to have the opportunity to go on such a meaningful trip. There was a part of her that had been worried, though. It was a small part that she kept hidden deep down inside of her. It was the part of her that was still hurt from Alison's departure to Beacon Heights three years ago. The part of her that had been heartbroken when she left. The part that poked her as if to say, 'What if she's leaving again?' Emily trusted Alison more now than she ever had, so she had pushed that worry away, but she had wondered… Was Alison giving her the go ahead to let her girlfriend meet the girls because she wasn't coming back? Was that what this was about?
The blonde tilted her head, "I thought we talked about this the other night?"
"We did," Emily nodded, "But you never actually gave me a reason for why you want it to be while you're gone."
Alison shrugged, "It doesn't have to be then, I guess. I just thought that if you were going to do it, it would be easier for me if that was when you did it."
"Yeah, but why?"
Alison bit her lip. She didn't want to tell Emily that it was because she didn't want to be around to hear anything from their daughters, that the whole idea of someone else entering their lives made her sad and jealous.
"I mean, you're coming back right?" Emily asked, interrupting her thoughts, anxiety painted all over her face.
"What?" Alison asked, thrown way off by the question. She took in the brunette's demeanor. Did Emily think that she was planning on staying in Bolivia with Jason? She reached out and touched her arm, "Em you think I'm leaving?" It bothered her a little. She thought that they had built up their trust really well over the past year. She could never leave and be far away from Emily and their daughters again.
"No, I don't know," Emily sighed. It seemed stupid now, but why was Spencer acting like that earlier.
"I just thought it would be hard for me when you introduce her to them. I thought it would hurt a little if they talked about her to me right away.. I figured… I don't know, maybe it would be easier with me being gone for a few weeks. That the buzz might die down," she shrugged. She started to second guess the strategy. She hadn't realized that the timing might seem strange to Emily, especially given their past.
Emily pushed her lips together and nodded. This was another thing that she worried about all along- that introducing Casey to their daughters might hurt Alison. It was part of the reason why she'd been dragging her feet. Part of the reason that she was so thrown off by Alison telling her that she was okay with it in the first place.
"We could wait?" Emily offered.
"But wait for what?" Alison asked, "That was what I was saying the other night. If it's going to happen, there's no point in waiting. I'm not going to keep standing in your way."
Emily thought over the words. Stand in your way…? Wasn't that a phrase that Casey kept using with her? That Alison was standing in the way of their future. Her worries following the conversation with Spencer seemed like they were right.
"Ali," Emily blinked, "Have you already talked to her?"
"Talked to who?" Alison asked. She knew what Emily was going to say. She didn't want to tell the brunette what happened, but she couldn't lie to her either.
"Casey," Emily confirmed.
Alison exhaled and ran her hand through her hair. "She came to my office a couple of months ago to talk to me," she confessed.
Emily stared back at her in shock. She didn't know what to say. How could something like this have taken place and she didn't know. She talked to both women almost every day. Neither of them had bothered to tell her about this?
"To talk to you about what? Why didn't you tell me?" Emily asked anxiously, folding her arms.
"She wanted me to agree to let her meet the girls. I told her that I wasn't going to do that. I didn't tell you because…" Alison sighed. She told herself that she wasn't going to tell Emily because she didn't want to interfere in her relationship, but the truth was that she'd been scared. Scared that if she told the brunette, that she wouldn't believe her.
"Because why?" Emily shook her head, brows pushed together.
Alison stared at her for a moment and asked her in a quiet tone, "If I had told you that your girlfriend came to my office and harassed me, would you have actually believed me?"
"Yes," Emily told her very seriously. It wasn't even a question. Of course she would have.
"You wouldn't have thought that I was meddling in your relationships? Like back when you and Paige were reconnecting?" She asked with a brow raised.
"You weren't meddling back then. You were just trying to find a way to tell me how you felt. Things are different now Ali," she shook her head with a concerned expression, "I trust you. Why can't you accept that trust?"
"I do, I was just worried that if I told her you that it would somehow affect our relationship. Casey basically said the same thing."
Emily felt anger building up. "So she basically intimidated you into not telling me?" She asked deducted.
Alison shrugged, Casey had tried to but ultimately it had been Alison's decision not to tell Emily. She wasn't going to let some girl tell her what to do.
"I can not believe that she did this," Emily took several quick breaths in and out of her nose. Her girlfriend had gone behind her back and tried to get her ex-wife to agree to let her meet their daughters when Emily had told her repeatedly that it wasn't time yet. This was a major bombshell.
"Em, it was months ago. I'm over it. It didn't have anything to do with my decision."
"Well I'm not over it," Emily shook her head. She was pissed. She took out her phone and headed towards the door. "I need a minute," she said and left the room.
Alison stood in the guest room alone and blinked several times. She had certainly not been expecting to have that conversation today. Maybe she should have just stayed home. She shook her head and fixed her hair, deciding to go outside with everyone else in the backyard. It seemed like Emily needed some space.
Emily grabbed her wine glass from the kitchen and stomped up to her bedroom. She scrolled down to Casey's contact and got ready to call her. As her finger hovered, though, she thought realistically of how the conversation was going to go down. It was going to be a fight. She was too angry right now to be understanding or to see another point of view. Calling was a bad idea. She opened her text messages instead and started a new message to her.
"Change of plans. Don't think tonight is going to work anymore. I'll talk to you about it tomorrow."
She sent the message and held the phone in her hand. She took another sip of the wine to calm herself down. Alison seemed halfway calm about this, but Emily couldn't get there. The idea that Casey had gone behind her back and tried to meddle in her family dynamics pissed Emily off. She didn't like secrets or being lied to. There was even a part of her that was a little bit upset at Alison for not telling her what had happened. That had left Emily in the dark about this for months now. She squashed that part though, because she knew that this was Casey's fault and perhaps a little bit of her own for whatever she did to make Ali think that she couldn't come to her.
She saw her phone buzz with a message back asking her to explain, but she didn't want to engage any further right now. She was too upset. The revelation wouldn't leave her mind and it impacted the rest of her day. She tried to put on a happy face and get through social interactions while Toby grilled and everyone had dinner. She busied herself playing host and made sure that the plates were cleaned up and everyone had the drinks that they wanted. She watched her daughters dance around with sparklers when the sun went down. She continued to sip her wine throughout the day, creating a barrier between the news and her emotions. She tried to act somewhat normal, but it was clear to everyone that something was bothering Emily.
Alison kept an eye on the brunette. She knew that Emily was upset and hoped that it wasn't with her. She wondered if she should have told her about Casey going to her office. She knew that Emily hated secrets, and she hadn't meant to keep this from her.
She had originally planned on driving back to Rosemont that night, but as the evening continued and she watched Emily get tipsy, she thought it might be best to stay and make sure the everything was alright. She felt somewhat at fault for how this was playing out.
"Em, didn't you have a… guest coming?" Spencer asked when things had calmed down and they were all seated together.
"I uninvited her," Emily answered darkly. She got up to refill her glass, and walked into the kitchen.
Everyone grimaced and glanced toward Alison. The blonde shrugged, "Don't look at me."
"I need to head out and get these kids to bed…" Hanna stood up, "You might want to cut her off soon," she told Alison, nodding towards Emily.
"Yeah really…" Spencer commented.
Alison said goodbye to Hanna, and walked into the kitchen where Emily was. "Hey, I can get the girls to bed if you want to hangout with Spencer and Toby," she offered. Emily nodded, taking her up on her offer.
Alison debated for a minute before finally asking, "Are you upset with me?"
"No, I'm not upset with you" Emily shook her head as she walked towards the back door. "I'm just upset," she shrugged a little and walked outside.
Alison collected the twins and took them upstairs to get ready for bed. They were pretty animated as they got changed, talking about the fireworks show that they had watched from the backyard, but once they laid down, they were ready to crash. The blonde joined the other three adults outside after that and finally had her own glass of wine. After a tense day she felt like she'd earned it.
They hung out for another hour or so before Spencer and Toby announced that they were leaving and heading over to the barn for bed. Alison looked over at Emily and assessed the situation. The brunette was staring into the fire intently, looking deep in thought. She noticed the empty wine glass next to her. She wasn't sure how much Emily had to drink that day, but it seemed like a lot. Emily rarely got drunk. She wasn't exactly the kind of person that had a drink with dinner just because, and only had multiple drinks on special occasions. Alison was a little bit worried for her. Their conversation earlier that day had clearly gotten to the brunette.
They sat in silences for a few minutes. Alison alternated between looking at the fire and at Emily. The flames were dying down, but occasionally there was a spike in the embers, keeping the fire burning. The light of the fire illuminated Emily's face in a way that made it hard for Alison to turn away. She looked beautiful, but it was clear that she was fighting something. Her expression was thoughtful and almost sad.
"Wanna head inside?" Alison asked.
Emily stayed quiet and continued to stare at the fire.
"Em?" She tried again.
Another beat went by and then Emily spoke, voice low and slightly slurred, "I think I need to breakup with her." She held up her phone as if she was about to do the deed now.
"Um, okay," Alison stood up and walked over to where the brunette was sitting. She took the phone out of her hands, receiving little resistance from Emily, and tucked it into her pocket. "I think it's time to get you to bed." She wasn't going to start giving her ex-wife a full on relationship counseling session. Especially after it seemed like she had too much to drink. Alison certainly wouldn't be sad if the new girlfriend was removed from the picture, but she knew that now wasn't the time for Emily to be making these decisions.
Emily turned towards her and nodded. She moved to stand up and stumbled a little. Alison reached for her arm to steady her and helped her walk into the house. It was a little more of a challenge than Alison had anticipated. She hadn't realized just how out of it Emily was. She was able to get her up the stairs safely and quiet enough as to not wake Lily and Grace up.
They entered the bedroom and Alison realized it was the first time that she'd actually seen the inside of Emily's new room. It was the room that Jason slept in growing up. The blonde noted the paint changes and new furniture. She smiled, Emily had done a nice job.
She directed her attention back to the brunette who standing by her dresser, not making any moves to get sleeping clothes out. "Do you need anything?" Alison asked her.
Emily shook her head, expression still serious and solemn.
"Hey," the blonde moved towards her and put a hand on her arm, "It's going to be okay."
Emily shook her head again. She turned her body towards Alison, looking down at their touch and met her gaze. Her eyes were hooded as she spoke, "I don't think that things have been okay in a long time."
Alison thought back to what Hanna had told her recently in the car. That Emily struggles too sometimes. It had been a little surprising to hear at the time. Emily generally came across to her as composed, strong, and generally stoic. Sure, she'd seen blips in her demeanor over the last couple of years, but it always seemed like the brunette kept it together well. She wished that she'd known of these struggles sooner.
"Come here," Alison wrapped her arms around Emily's back and pulled her into a hug. She heard the brunette sigh into her hair and she hugged her even tighter. She knew that it wasn't exactly the most appropriate thing- to be hugging Emily in her bedroom when she was drunk and had a girlfriend, but Alison really didn't care. They had a close relationship and Emily needed her tonight.
Emily pulled back and looked at the blonde, her stance wavering a little, "My mom was wrong," she mumbled.
"What?" Alison pinched her brows.
"She was wrong," Emily repeated, seemingly to herself and reached out for Alison's wrist.
"Em..." she wasn't sure what Emily was doing, but the brunette was drunk. She didn't want her to do something that she'd regret.
Instead of any further movement, Emily stayed in place. She sought out Alison's eyes again. "I would never not choose you," she said.
"What are you talking about?" Alison felt her heart speed up. It was pounding in her chest. She wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but she didn't know if she'd have the power to stop it.
"I just want you to know that," Emily mumbled, "I wouldn't... not choose you."
The phrasing was odd and Alison wasn't totally sure what she was talking about. Before she could ask anything else, the brunette let go of her arm and made her way haphazardly towards the bed. She pulled back the covers and climbed in, laying her head down on the pillow with her eyes already closed.
Alison stood frozen before walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. She ran her hands along the sheets, curious for some reason what they felt like, and studied the brunette. Alison could tell that it wasn't a peaceful sleep. Emily's breaths were coming out forceful and every couple of minutes there was a tiny whine that followed the rush of air.
"Oh Em..." Alison frowned. She pulled the blanket up to cover the brunette a little bit better and moved some of her hair from her face. She gently rubbed her back, below her shoulders.
Eventually, Emily settled enough that Alison felt like she could go to bed, and she quietly walked downstairs to the guest room. She changed into a pair of her old pajamas and set an alarm for early the next day. She figured that she would likely need to get up and get the twins set up for their day. She didn't mind, Emily had been above and beyond I'm the parent department lately, especially given that she hadn't made any objections to Alison's Summer trips.
She struggled to fall asleep, though. Emily's words played in her head over and over and she wasn't sure what to make of them.
A part of her thought she understood because at the end of the day, no matter what Emily was talking about, she felt the same. She would never not choose the brunette. Romantically, Emily hadn't been an option for her because she knew that they were moving on in different directions, but the facts remained. Anytime that Emily was an option, romantically or otherwise, she would never not choose her.
But was that what Emily was talking about? What had Pam said to her that Emily was referencing. She had a lot of questions, and unfortunately the brunette wasn't in any state to answer them.
Alison tried to drift off to sleep but the curiosity remained with her. She had several dreams that night. One where she and Emily were laughing and holding hands. One in which a girl with auburn hair sat in between her and Emily at dinner. One where she was all alone, walking along the beach that she'd spent her childhood Summers at in Cape May. She felt unsettled. She was unsure of what the future would hold, not just for her but for both of them.
—
A/N - Welp, cats out of the bag. Tough realization for Emily for sure. I have more to say regarding the chapter but will wait until I hear your perspectives. Hope everyone is still staying safe and keeping sane during this time. Thanks again for reading!