A/N - So sorry that I've been a little bit off of my updating schedule. I finally made it out of town this weekend after so many weeks of being at home. Hope you all are staying safe and sane. Enjoy the chapter!

—

Alison woke up early the next morning and did a walk through of the house. Most of everything was cleaned up from the day before, so luckily it was fairly tidy. She checked on the twins and found them still sound asleep. They had kept the kids up past their normal bedtimes to watch the firework show the previous evening, so it was likely that they would sleep a little bit longer this morning. Maybe. She continued down the hall to Emily's room where she had put the brunette to bed the previous evening. She didn't want to wake her if she was still sleeping, but she also wanted to make sure that she was okay. She tapped two fingers against the door gently and when there was no answer she cracked the door opened to peak inside. She spied the brunette curled around the covers, basically in the same position that she was in hours before. Alison pulled the door closed and walked back the stairs.

It was weird sometimes to walk around a house that she'd spent most of her life in knowing that it wasn't really hers anymore. Emily had made very subtle changes over the years, but for the most part, the furniture and decor was the same that Alison had bought when she'd redesigned after her father had left. Emily never called it 'her house', though Alison wouldn't have minded if she did. According to their divorce settlement, it was technically hers. The brunette usually just called it 'the house' or even sometimes Grace and Lily's house. It hurt sometimes to think that for a few years it had been 'their home'.

She busied herself in the kitchen until the girls were ready to get up. She started the coffee pot and spent some time on her phone reviewing her travel plans. She was set to leave in less than a week. The trip to visit Jason's new project was something that she had spent months looking forward to, but now she felt somewhat unsure about it. After the chaos that had ensued yesterday, it felt weird to just leave.

Around 9am, she decided to go in and get the girls moving. She knew that if they slept too late that they wouldn't go to sleep on time tonight. It was always important to keep them on a schedule, especially because they usually only were with one parent at a time. Keeping track of two young kids was hard enough without them falling out of their sleep regimen. The twins were surprised to see her waking them up instead of Emily because she hadn't told them that she was staying.

"Where's Mama?" Grace asked through a yawn.

"She's sleeping," Alison smiled, "She was up past her bedtime too, so we're going to let her rest."

The girls seemed to accept that excuse and left Emily alone while Alison got them dressed and downstairs. She was a little bit tired herself, so she went the easy route by filling their cereal bowls and letting them eat in the living with with one of their shows on tv.

She was still in the kitchen when Emily peaked around the corner. Alison snorted at the sight. "I see you," she called her out.

The brunette checked the kitchen to make sure it was just Alison there and moved all the way around the corner with a small, tired smile. "Are Grace and Lily in the living room?" She asked quietly, trying to sneakily crane her neck in there without them seeing her. Alison nodded to confirm and Emily breathed a sigh of relief. She dramatically collapsed on a chair and rubbed at her face with her hands with a quiet groan.

"Would you like some wine?" Alison asked wryly, tucking in her lips and raising her eyebrows.

The brunette removed her hands and looked over at Alison. She was trying to glare, but her expression morphed as her face contorted, looking sick at the thought. She exhaled, "What was I thinking?"

Alison filled a glass of water and passed it over to her. She gave Emily a sympathetic smile, "I'm sorry that you were so upset yesterday."

She took a long sip of the water, relieved at finally getting some hydration. She was so thirsty when she woke up. It had been a very long time since she'd experienced a hangover. She directed her attention back to the blonde, "No, I'm sorry…" she shook her head, "I really didn't handle that news well. Just because I was upset was no excuse to drink that much."

Alison shrugged, "I get it though." There had been plenty of times where she turned to her wine when she was feeling sad or upset.

"I feel bad that I kind of stuck you on Mom duty. You probably have a lot to do for your trip still."

"I'll get it all done," Alison shrugged again. The trip was feeling daunting all of the sudden. She still had a lot of shopping and packing to do, but she also didn't want to just run off. "I can stay for a little bit if you want? You don't look so good."

"Gee, thanks."

Alison laughed. She hadn't meant it like that. She'd always be attracted to Emily, even with her current state of messy hair and tired eyes. "I can hang for a little and then have a proper goodbye with the girls." She'd been planning to make a special trip later that week, but it didn't really feel necessary now that she'd stayed over and the girls were wide awake.

Emily nodded, "Today is going to be rough."

"I bet," the blonde raised her brows.

"I have to talk to Casey," Emily shook her head. The situation still made her mad whenever she thought about it. Deep down, she knew that the logistics of their relationship were hard on her girlfriend. It wasn't completely fair of Emily to only limit their relationship to Fridays nights, Saturdays, and Sunday mornings. She understood Casey's desire to find a way to see her more.

But the way that she had gone about trying to change it was incredibly frustrating. If there was one thing that Emily hated it was when someone else sneaks around or lies to her. She'd had too many negative experiences with lying throughout her life and it was something that she didn't tolerate at all. She always did her best to be upfront and honest with people and when she didn't receive the same it was a deal breaker in almost any context.

Still though, she and Casey hadn't had any other real disagreements before this. She needed to talk to the other girl to get her side of the story. Not right now though. She needed an ibuprofen and something in her stomach.

"Well you can thank me for not letting you break up with her last night," Alison rolled her eyes. She had thought about letting Emily make the call last night, but didn't want the brunette to regret the decision to do it then. If she wound up breaking up with Casey today though, when she was sober, Alison wouldn't mind in the least.

Emily looked back at her alarmed. She remembered most of the night, but certainly not that. Alison laughed at the expression and grabbed the brunette's phone from the windowsill where she'd left it the previous night and tossed it over at her. Emily glanced at the home screen. She had a several missed calls and a couple of texts. Most of them from her girlfriend.

She was still mad at Casey, but she was pretty upset with herself too. She had spent a great deal of time trying to improve her reactions to things like this. While she'd done the right thing by waiting to talk to Casey, she definitely shouldn't have drowned her sorrows in wine all evening. It just created more problems for her. She glanced over at the blonde. Alison was awkwardly playing with her nails. Emily realized that she wasn't exactly sure how their night ended. She knew she would have remembered if anything had happened between them, but she wasn't sure what exactly had been said. She felt bad. Alison hadn't planned to stay over, but she had to take care of Emily and the girls. She sighed, "I'm sorry for putting you in a tough position last night. That definitely wasn't fair of me."

Alison shrugged. She wasn't terribly mad or anything. The selfish part of her was glad that Casey's actions had come to light. "I'm pretty sure that this time last year I was in the same position and it was you talking me out of my hangover." Though it had been a little bit different because Emily didn't have to sit with Alison and all but counsel her on her relationship.

"True," Emily agreed, "I still feel bad though. You shouldn't have had to take care of me last night and take care of the girls this morning."

Alison peaked at the girls in the other room. They were none the wiser of any type of drama yesterday and were totally wrapped up in the cartoon character running across the screen this morning. "I don't mind," she told Emily, "Do you want to take a nap or a shower… Or both? I can hang out with the girls."

Emily chuckled a little and rubbed the back of her neck, "That would be nice, but you don't have to stay."

Alison rolled her eyes, "Go get yourself together. I'm not in a hurry."

Emily wasn't going to make her say it a third time. She went upstairs to take a quick nap, making sure to set an alarm.

Alison stayed downstairs and hung out with Lily and Grace. It actually worked out for her just as fine to stay because it meant that she wouldn't need to make a special trip back to Rosewood before she left for her trip. After they finished their breakfast cartoons, she got everything cleaned up and took them outside to play. Both of the girls loved spending time outside. She remembered being younger and always wanting to play outside too, though that had changed once she got older.

Emily walked outside around lunchtime, freshly showered and looking much better than she had just a few hours before. Alison was helping Grace get the hula hoop all set when she noticed her standing on the patio. She left the girls to play and walked over to the brunette. "Feeling better," she asked.

Emily smiled and nodded, "Much better, yeah. Thanks so much."

"Seriously, it wasn't a problem. Do you need anything else"

"No, you've helped enough."

Alison nodded and looked back at the girls. "Okay, I might make my way back then…"

Emily nodded. She still felt a little overwhelmed with everything going on. She wanted to ask more about last night. Were there any blanks that she needed filled in? She hoped that she hadn't been truly embarrassing. Before her shower, she had texted Casey and told her that they needed to talk. She was already dreading that conversation, but she knew that it needed to happen.

And on top of everything else, she felt like she didn't want Ali to leave. She was comfortable with the blonde here and it made her sad that she was about to be out of the country for the next three weeks. She debated if she should give her a hug goodbye. She knew that she wanted to, but was that still okay?

"We'll talk more before I leave about phone calls and stuff. Jason and Aria said that the WIFI gets spotty at times, but has been good for the most part." Alison looked at the brunette noting that she looked a little bit lost.

Emily took a step forward, and extended her arms for a hug, hoping that it was okay. Alison returned the hug and gave her a little smile before walking over to hug the twins goodbye. Emily sighed as she watched her. Things felt complicated.

—

Three days later, Alison left for her trip and Emily knew that she had some decisions to make. She'd communicated with Casey, but kept her distance. She still hadn't told her what she had found out on the Fourth of July because she was unsure what to do about it. Her initial reaction had been anger. She wanted to just walk away and never look back. She knew that it was a trigger response, though, and there was a lot more to consider.

Before talking to Casey about it, she visited with Doctor Brown to see what she thought. It wasn't that Emily was incapable of making a decision by herself, but she wanted her therapist's input to make sure that she was acting in accordance with the progress that she'd made.

She sat across from her after telling the story, breathing somewhat labored. She was still visibly upset about the situation and after telling it she felt like she'd just sprinted up a hill.

"So what do you want to do?" Doctor Brown asked her.

"I don't know. That's why I'm here... to see what I should do."

Doctor Brown shook her head, "I asked what you wanted to do."

Emily sighed, she was used to this. Why couldn't therapists ever give their own opinion first. Isn't that what she was paying her for?

"I want to break up with her," she answered.

Doctor Brown nodded, "So why haven't you?"

"Because I thought that getting pissed off and making rash decisions based on emotions was the kind of thing that I wasn't supposed to do." Emily hadn't meant for that to come out with so much attitude, but she was still on edge about the whole situation.

"Is it a rash decision?"

"Well I haven't talked to her yet, so she doesn't even know what I'm upset about," she shrugged.

Her therapist nodded, "Do you know why you're upset about it."

"Yeah," Emily answered, "I'm upset because I told my girlfriend what my decision was for my family and she went behind my back and talked to my ex-wife to try to sway that decision."

"Why do you think she did that?"

Emily sighed, she knew why Casey did it. "Because she wanted to be able to see me more and be more involved in my life." That didn't make it okay in her book though.

"So knowing that, do you think that you two can have a discussion together and you can forgive her?"

"I don't know," Emily answered honestly. "I think I'll still be upset that she did it."

"But if she is honest with you about why she did it and shows remorse, why do you think that you won't be able to get passed it?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders. She wished that she could just snap her fingers and get over it, but she kept getting stuck. "I'm not sure why. I know that I should be able to hear her out and try to understand her perspective, but I don't know… I still feel upset."

Doctor Brown nodded again, "Do you think that if she had sidestepped you and spoken to someone else in your life that you'd still feel this way? Like your Mom or maybe Hanna?"

"Well yeah, the issue is that she went behind my back." Her therapist didn't say anything in return. Instead, she stayed silent and pressed her lips together, keeping eye contact with Emily. The brunette shook her head, "You think it's because she went to Alison," she noted.

"Do you think that could be why you're so upset?"

"I don't know," she answered right away. The answer was almost like a rebellion to the question. Because deep down she knew the truth.

Doctor Brown continued to stare at her. The biggest thing that she had been upset about was that there was a secret meeting between her girlfriend and ex-wife that she wasn't made aware of until months later. Should she have been upset with Alison too for not telling her? She didn't feel upset with the blonde at all. She wondered if she would have been mad if Casey had talked to someone else in her life about this and the truth was that she wouldn't be nearly this upset. For Emily, going to Alison had meant that Casey had tried to come in the middle of her family. And to Emily that was not okay.

Doctor Brown didn't offer anything further. "It might be," Emily relented. "So what does that mean?"

Her therapist shook her head. Emily should know by now that she isn't paid to tell her what to do. "You'll need to think about what that means to you and make a decision. You should do so before you talk to your girlfriend."

Emily left the office feeling more confused than ever. She decided to take a few more days before speaking to Casey, but texted her with plans to hang out later that week.

She did a lot of thinking in the meantime. She felt like she had let her guard down and opened herself up to the possibility of a future with someone only to find out that they weren't quite who she thought that they were. She thought back on her memories with Casey and looked beneath the surface. What else had she not seen of the other girl during good times? Who was the woman that she was dating really? Was Casey being manipulative or was she just pushing for more in the relationship?

Emily realized that while she had told the other girl that she wanted to be serious, she wasn't actually making any of those moves on her own end. Maybe she wasn't really ready to be serious after all.

When they finally met up, Casey explained why she went to talk to Alison. It was what Emily expected. She wanted to move things forward and thought Emily needed that push. She apologized and told her that in the end she wasn't proud that she'd gone there. That she'd said some things to Alison that she actually regretted. Emily appreciated the apology and the honesty, but she told her that it would be best if they maybe pumped the breaks a little.

After what had happened, Emily knew that there was no way that she could introduce her daughters to Casey. She wanted to take a step back and evaluate her reasons for wanting this relationship before she tried to take any further steps forward. The biggest lesson that she pulled from her meeting with Doctor Brown was that her anger at her girlfriend stemmed from Casey trying to insert herself into Emily's family before she was ready. She told Casey that during their talk.

"Do you not see me as being a part of that family someday?" Casey had asked.

The truth was that Emily wasn't sure. It wasn't just in the recent revelations, but she truly had never thought so far into that part of the future. At the time, she told herself that she just didn't want to put the horse before the cart and get ahead of herself before things fully developed. But it was more than that. If she really thought about it, Emily really couldn't picture a future that had Casey sitting in the living room with her, Lily, and Grace on Christmas morning. It didn't feel right.

"I'm not sure…" Emily had told her.

She knew that she had to be honest, but the hurt look on her girlfriend's face crushed her. It was then that they decided that they needed to slow things down. They weren't breaking up, they would still see each other, but things were at a little bit of a stall.

She saw Casey a few times during the few weeks that Alison was away. Pam kept the girls one weekend and they did a date night. It was nice, but felt different than before. They still talked everyday, but Emily didn't have that same happy and hopeful feeling that she'd had for the first few months after they reconnected. She didn't get excited during their conversations, and she felt like she was just calling her out of necessity rather than desire.

She talked to Alison just about every other day while she was in Bolivia. Sometimes Jason, Aria, and Katharine joined, but most of the time it was just her. Emily found that she looked forward to those conversations much more than those with her own girlfriend. She loved how excited her daughters got to talk to their mother. She enjoyed listening to Alison tell her about the school that they were building. She loved watching Ali's face get progressively more color to it from being in the sun all of the time. She looked happy and it in turn made Emily happy.

And she also realized that she missed her. A lot.

This was the longest stretch of time that they hadn't seen each other since Alison had come back from Oregon. FaceTime was nice, but there had been something comforting about always knowing that she would see Ali a couple of times a week. It wasn't just that seeing her was a comfort, like she'd initially believed. There was a happiness behind it that she didn't get from any other source. She recognized that this was the feeling that she'd always had with Alison. It made her nervous, but also excited too.

She didn't know what all of this meant, but despite still being in a relationship, she found herself looking forward to the bond's return.

—

For Alison, her time in South America had provided her with a very necessary reset. Between ending things with Sam, seeing Taylor again, and trying to sort out what to do with the Casey situation, her heart had felt confused and exhausted.

It was nice to see all of the work that Jason's non-profit had been doing and channel her energy into something while she was there. She liked spending time with her brother. Their relationship had improved tremendously over the past ten years and she was so thankful to have him in her life.

Another person that was thankful to have Jason in their life was Aria. Alison felt bad that she hadn't put together how unhappy her friend had been in the last few years. Aria hadn't opened up to anyone at the time, but seeing how refreshed and bright the brunette was around Jason made Alison realize just how withdrawn Aria had been prior. She told Ali how isolated that she felt when she and Ezra moved to California. She told her that despite having her own career as an author, Ezra continuously kept the focus on him. How they'd adopted a child together, but felt like she was the only one raising Kate. There was a major difference now. Aria split her time between helping Jason with the organization and working on her next novel. Jason consulted her in decisions, he made her laugh, he'd take Kate in adventures in the middle of the day to give Aria time to herself. She told Alison that she was happy that she took a chance. That she couldn't imagine her life in any other way.

"How did you know to do it?" Alison asked, "How did you know that if you left Ezra, you'd find happiness?"

"I didn't," Aria shook her head, "but I knew that I had to try."

"What about Kate? Weren't you worried about how it would affect her?"

Aria nodded, "Sure, but if I stayed on that path and continued to be unhappy don't you think that would have affected her too?"

Alison understood that. It had been one of the reasons that she'd justified her move to Beacon Heights to herself. That it wasn't good for her daughters to see her and Emily bickering all of the time. She had grown up watching her own parents do that and it has been awful.

"I had to fight for my own happiness so that I could create a life that she would be happy in," Aria told her.

"When did you know it was time to fight?" The blonde asked.

"I realized that the person that I was trying to be wasn't the person that I wanted to be. That was when I knew that I had to leave Ezra. Afterwards, I thought back to when I felt like the most real version of myself… when I had been my happiest," Aria paused for a second and smiled to herself, "That was when I had been with Jason. I knew that if I wanted to find that happiness again that I had to try to fight for it."

"Weren't you worried that it wouldn't be what you thought?" The fact that Alison had waited over a decade to finally confess her feelings to Emily only for their relationship to end three years later had crushed her. It was a constant worry that she had for her future. Something that made her wonder if she'd ever get her happy ending.

"The risk was worth it," the brunette shrugged. "Whether it worked out or not, I wasn't willing to miss my chance at happiness."

Alison didn't respond, she took in the words and digested them. She'd played it safe since coming back last year. Maybe she needed to take her own risk. Maybe she could get the happiness that she wanted.

"Think back," Aria spoke again, "When were you the most happy in your life?"

Alison thought. The day that her daughters were born had been on of the best days of her life. Her wedding day was up there too. She'd never forget the way that her heart had pounded in her chest when she saw Emily for the first time in her wedding dress. It hit her so hard that it had brought tears to her eyes.

The happiest that she had ever been, though, was the day that she'd finally opened up to Emily as they cleaned up the destroyed room that would later become their daughters' bedroom. She remembered deciding that she was done pushing the other girl away. That she was ready to open up. When told Emily that she loved her, it was like another world had been opened up. One with hope and happiness that she had spent years believing weren't meant for someone like her.

Aria didn't wait for her to answer. "Maybe it's time for you to fight too," she told the blonde.

Alison looked back at her. She nodded, more to herself than the other girl. Maybe it was time. Maybe she would stop being safe and playing by the rules. Maybe it was time to take a risk.

And maybe, just maybe, it would be worth it.

—

A/N - The girls are finally starting to see the light. The way that the chapter splits worked out had this chapter a bit shorter than some of the others. I should be able to get the next one edited and out a little early. Alison will be coming home next chapter so expect a lot of interaction between the girls coming up. Thanks again for reading!