She Comes And Goes As She Pleases (Part 57)
by BrDPirateMan
"Yo, guys, wanna do anything cool tomorrow?"
In the aftermath of a marathon of classes, I was chilling in the canteen at college together with a few of my buddies. It was one of them who posed the aforementioned question. He looked at each of us in turn, hopeful that we'd go along with his plans.
Said another classmate, "Is this gonna be another animal-themed cosplay cafe? Cuz I've had enough of half-naked animal maids, thanks."
The first guy begged to differ. "What's wrong with a little furry fanservice? Doesn't everyone want to be served by a cat maid at some point in their lives?"
"Not everyone's like you, bro. I call dibs on the arcade. Mansion of the Undead just came out and I'd like to give it a try."
"You can play your games any other day. I want my cat maids!"
While our two classmates were left to argue amongst themselves, I conversed with my remaining friends.
"Well, I'm all for the pool," I said, "if you guys don't mind. What do you guys say?"
"Nah, maybe another time," said one of them. "My car's acting a bit iffy. I need to take it to the mechanic's."
Our other friend went, "Oh man, again? 'Bout time you traded that hunk of junk for something better, dontcha think?"
"Hey, it's not that bad. It's just the battery that keeps dying on me."
Rather naively, I asked, "You know, is it really all that necessary to have a car? Our public transport works just fine…"
Everyone turned to me like I'd said something strange. Even the first two guys put off their little debate about the merits of maids and games to stare at me. I felt very small all of a sudden.
"Are you kidding?" said our maid-obsessed friend. "You totally need a car! You wanna impress chicks, you gotta have a ride of some kind. The flashier, the better!"
"I don't care much for flashiness," scoffed the gaming addict. "I drive cars because they're practical. Gets me from point A to point B whenever I like. It's as simple as that. I don't need a car to get a girlfriend."
"Heh… So do you have a girlfriend, then?"
"…Quiet, maid freak."
Everyone seemed to feel that for one reason or another, it was important to own a car. I didn't think much of it at the time, and was still firmly under the belief that public transport was all I needed…
…but a couple of days later, when I went to the bus stop to catch a ride to a faraway part of Shibuya, I was surprised to see Kariya waiting there. Now that's rare…
After an exchange of greetings, I had to find out why. "Can't say I've seen you take the bus before. What's the story?"
"My car broke down again," he chuckled. "Big time. Engine troubles, you know. And I don't want to trouble Uzuki by asking for a ride, so here I am."
"How long have you had that car, by the way?"
"About six years. Bought it secondhand on the cheap. Real cheap. But it's on its last legs… I've had it repaired so many times, the mechanics in town know me by name."
"Why don't you sell it off and take the bus from now on? Way easier and cheaper that way, right?"
Again I was being naive but at least he was kind enough not to laugh at me. "You don't understand, Phones. A car is not a liability, it's a convenience. I can go wherever I want at my own pace. Not so much with a bus. Plus it's always so crowded. And it's worse when you're seated next to a smelly guy!"
"Oh yeah, that always sucks."
"Incidentally, Uzuki and I are planning to go on leave next month. I'll take her on a joyride around Hokkaido and some other places. It'll be fun!"
"Better get your car repaired by then."
"You ought to get a ride of your own, man. Then you can take Eri out on dates in style! Last thing you want is to look shabby! I've never thought of taking Uzuki to the movies by bus, not once."
Was I missing a crucial aspect of dating this whole time? With more than a year's worth of experience under my belt, I thought I had everything covered, minus a few relatively unimportant details. But as the old saying goes, you never stop learning…
"Eri and I take the bus whenever we go to the movies… Is that wrong?"
"If your girlfriend doesn't mind, then no. But it's still tacky and she knows it."
"T-Tacky? And she knows? Oh, uh… I never thought about it that way…"
"Trust me, man. It's way more suave to take her around in your own car. It's safer too: you don't need to worry about other passengers ogling your girlfriend. Or taking pictures of her butt. Or groping it."
Safety… I never once considered that. My two major concerns regarding the use of cars all this time were money and practicality. I always told myself how much money I could save by using alternative means of transport, and I even felt proud of myself for having such a frugal mindset. But it didn't occur to me that Eri's safety might be at risk.
Sometimes when we took the bus or train together, I'd see suspicious characters sitting nearby and they always gave me the heebie-jeebies. Bonus points if they happened to look our way. What must be going through their minds, seeing a girl so pretty they'd be glad to do anything to get their hands on her? Nothing happened so far, but then maybe that's because they didn't have the opportunity…
Building upon his previous point, Kariya added, "When you have a car, and her butt is being groped, you can rest assured it's your hand that's doing it! And that's fine."
"I'll get into an accident if I tried that."
During our journey by bus, he had more good things to say about cars.
"Trains and buses are nice and all, they take you lots of places. But they don't take you everywhere. You're gonna need some wheels of your own to reach those 'everywhere' spots."
"Uh-huh."
"Face it, Phones. Driving's a life skill. You won't see many people out there who don't know how to drive."
"I guess not."
He felt that I needed one final push to become a believer. "Hey, if nothing else, it's heaps of fun to wash the car together with your girlfriend."
I raised one eyebrow, not knowing what he meant. "What are you going on about now?"
"Just think about it for a second and you'll see what I mean. Go on, do it. Seriously, go on!"
"Okay, okay, I'm getting to it."
Washing a car with my girlfriend? How's that exciting? But as I had time to kill, I decided to humour Kariya by conjuring up a scenario in my mind's eye.
Let's see… we had my car – some nondescript sedan – parked out onto the driveway, ready to be washed down. I had a bucket of soap water in one hand and a rag in the other. Eri had yet to appear because I imagined that she was getting dressed for the occasion. Really though, washing a car was more of an obligatory task to be fulfilled once a week rather than an activity to bond over. It's as simple as that.
She was taking a while. Getting impatient, I picked up the hose and was about to give the car a splash when I heard a cry of "Hey!" that caused me to stop in my tracks and turn around.
"I told you to wait," huffed Eri. "Don't you dare get started without me!"
Oh… she looked really nice… Micro shorts were always an instant hit with me, but there's something about her T-shirt that's hitched up and tied up in a knot at the side that made her look delicious. The collar was wide enough to offer a peek at the bikini top she was wearing underneath. Yup, she was definitely dressed for the part.
I tried to keep calm as she sashayed past me with her own cleaning supplies in hand and she just smelt so nice. Was that peach-scented shampoo? I couldn't get enough…
She must know the effect she was having on me because she called over her shoulder with a smile in her voice, "You're welcome."
You know, there are things in life which you doubt are any good and then someone will come along and prove you wrong. But you'll be glad they did. This was one of those times.
It turned out that washing the car was loads of fun and giggles. We loved soaping up the exterior, and when we were good to wash off the suds, we did so with relish. Seeing our car emerge from underneath the froth all shiny and gleaming was an accomplishment in itself. We surveyed our handiwork together with pride. It was hard work, but the end result was well worth it.
However, the fun wasn't quite over yet.
"Hey, Neku."
"Huh? Blargh…!"
Eri laughed as she ambushed me with a fine spray from the hose she was brandishing. I held out my hands to block the onslaught, but it was to no avail. I was getting soaked right through.
But I was quick on my feet and grabbed the bucket, holding it up to shield myself from the water and earning myself some respite from her attacks.
"Oh, you're gonna get it," I panted. "You're so gonna get it."
She tossed me the hose with a smirk. "C'mon, then. Gimme your best shot! My body is ready…"
We spent upwards of 30 minutes horsing around and splashing each other stupid. We were very quickly drenched from head to toe but it was such fun that we didn't care. Eri's laughter echoed across the parking lot, and –
"Wait a minute!" Back in reality, I pointed out the one flaw that rendered my whole daydream meaningless. "I live in a condominium. We're not allowed to wash our cars downstairs! We can't wash anything down there, period!"
Kariya shrugged, looking very amused at my reaction. "You only realized this now? Oh, and you were sporting a really goofy grin the whole time. Is this another one of your romantic fantasies?"
"C-Can it."
The bus rolled to a halt at the next stop and Kariya had to leave, but not before he left me with some words with which to chew the cud.
"You need that car, man. Trust me. It'll do you more good than bad."
"…I'll give it some thought."
"Heh heh, yeah, you do that. Gotta go, bud."
I mulled over his words and the feasibility of owning a car. The more I thought of it the more tempting it became to get one for myself. But I was still firmly on the fence about it. There were a lot of pros and cons to consider. I didn't know what was best for me, really.
Come to think of it, my folks had tried once or twice before to convince me to get a car.
"You're already an adult," said Auntie. "It's time you got a car."
"Even if you say that," I reasoned, "I'm already used to taking the bus from my apartment. I can get anywhere just fine."
"It's not the same," countered Uncle. "A car gives you total freedom over where you want to go and when. Of course, you'll have to assume all of the usual responsibilities that come with being the owner of one. But it's a small price to pay for the conveniences it can provide."
"Hmmm… I don't know…"
"We won't force you to make a decision, but take it from us: sooner or later you'll want one. Talk to us again when that happens."
In short, cars are pretty dope, huh? I was just late to hop on the bandwagon.
Maybe I should discuss this with Eri and see what she thought. Sounds like another thing we ought to have a talk about over dinner.
XOXOXOXOXO
"Whew! I'm back!"
Eri was beat after an evening's worth of modeling work. She made a beeline for the kitchen where I was marinating some beef for tomorrow's lunch. I nodded my head towards the dining table, saying, "Got some curry rice left for you. Go heat it up."
"Oh, goodie."
She peeled the cling film off of the plate of rice and popped it in the microwave.
I tossed the beef within a bowlful of my aunt's secret marinade. "So what's new at work today?"
"Ugh, don't get me started."
I was busy working with the beef and didn't get a good look at her face, but now when I did I saw how miffed she was. I instinctively stopped what I was doing and clutched her forearms with gingerly care.
"What happened?" I asked, concerned. "You can tell me."
She sighed. "It's not that big a deal, I guess. But it's still a bummer."
"If it's enough to be a bummer, it's no small deal."
"Okay, yeah. You're not wrong. I was on the bus coming back home and this guy happened to take the seat next to me. Seemed like a normal guy at first until he started to hit on me."
"Ugh…"
"Yeah, 'ugh', alright. The worst part was, I wanted to move somewhere else, but I was at a window seat at the time and he'd boxed me in. So I had to bear with his stupid pickup lines and his boasts about how strong his 'horse' was."
The microwave dinged and she plucked out her plate, whereupon she settled down at the dining table to eat. I wrapped up the beef marinade in cling film and tossed it into the fridge, then joined her at the table.
"Good god," I grunted. "Did he try anything weird? Apart from, you know, the advances and stuff."
"Actually, no, he didn't lay a hand on me. But I figured he'd be bad news if he knew where I stayed, so I got off one stop early. I tried to leave my seat, but the idiot won't let me! Just blocked my way with his foot and bombarded me with more of his creepy horse puns. But I said 'Do you mind?!' And that's when he kinda gave up. Gave me a really dirty look as I left though."
In my anger, I found that my knuckles had turned white. Of course I was mad at her tormentor, but I was mostly angry with myself for being so careless. After work she always took the bus home by herself, but it was always quite late in the evening when she did. And it was a time of the day when the streets began to fill with shady characters of all sorts. Nothing's happened before and I took her safety for granted. Tonight's incident with our equestrian Casanova friend was the wake-up call I needed.
"What a creep!" she spat. "Hopefully that's the last I see of him."
"Yeah, he's the worst," I said, nodding. "Eri, you can't take the bus alone anymore. Especially not at night. It's not safe."
"But that's exactly when I finish work…"
"How about calling a cab? I know it can be expensive, but at least you won't have to deal with people like Horse Boy. I'll help foot the – "
"No way." My suggestion was quickly swatted like a fly. "That's way too pricey. Each trip by cab is bad enough; doing it for the long haul is overkill. And besides, who's to say that the cab drivers are any better?"
"Damn, you're right. You can't trust anyone these days. Hmmm." I drummed my fingers on the table. "Okay, how about I accompany you? We can take the bus together to and from work, and while you work I can wait for you at a manga cafe nearby or something. Problem solved?"
"Uh… that's not gonna fly either. I'm at work for two or three hours at a time. It's gonna be hell for you to wait that long."
"Don't worry about me. I know a lot of ways to kill time. If I need to get some studying done, I'll just bring along my course materials. And if – "
But she shook her head firmly. "Nah. It's just too tiring on a long-term basis. Besides, I'm worried about you as much as you are about me."
"Oh, there's no need for you to worry…"
"What're you talking about?" she said, cross. "Of course there is reason for me to worry. I'd rather not have girls try to hit on you if I could help it. Sooner or later someone's gonna realize you're pretty hot stuff… and they'll be licking your shoes just to get your phone number!"
"You give me too much credit, Eri."
I made a few other suggestions, but they were all parried with sound logic. Now I had no ideas left… well, okay, there was exactly one… but putting it into practice would be one hell of a giant leap into my lifestyle.
"And there you have it!" she huffed. "That's why you can't expect to drop me off from a skateboard. End of story."
"Y-Yeah, I don't know why I brought that up in the first place. Temporary lapse in judgment on my part. Look, I think I've got the perfect solution to our problem."
"What've you got on your mind?"
"How about we get a car?"
Eri opened her mouth out of reflex, ready to rip my newest strategy to shreds. But she clammed up when she thought about it and apparently saw its merits. Understandably, she still wasn't convinced that this was the thing we needed.
"Do we really need one, Neku?" she mused. "I know the bus sucks sometimes, but we're kinda used to it…"
"I thought the same way at first, but I've actually been doing some thinking about it over the past few days or so. And I think that, all things considered, cars aren't a bad thing to have."
Eri was all ears as I outlined all of the possible conveniences that I knew about cars, making sure to highlight the one benefit that was most relevant to the issue at hand.
"…And you won't have to deal with creepy guys on the bus or train anymore. Especially not the ones that go on about horses."
"I'll never look at a horse the same way again. Alright, you got me, Neku. You've got a good plan going. I'm in. Let's get that car."
"Cool."
I couldn't believe we're actually doing this. To be honest, I still had not much of an idea of what I would be getting into. The reality of it hasn't hit me fully in the face yet. But get a car we would, and that's final. Who knows? This might be fun.
"What kind of car are we looking at here?" she asked, with a layer of subdued excitement beneath her words. "A sports car? I've ridden shotgun in a couple of nice ones…" Her exes likely had flashy rides of their own and took her around in them.
"Sorry… that's beyond our budget, I'm afraid. We'll need to go secondhand. I'm thinking maybe a sedan or something will do. Or a station wagon, that works too."
"Okay, fair enough. Do you think we can get one in pink? I like pink."
"A pink car? No way. I'll get arrested!"
"Pink is not a sissy colour. It's metrosexual. I can respect a guy who defies stereotypes."
"I'll stick with the stereotypes then. Anything will do, just not pink."
"So old-fashioned!" she laughed. "Fine then, we'll get one that matches your hair."
"I think we're worrying about the wrong thing right now, Eri. Let me talk to my folks and see if they're cool with me getting a car in the first place. It shouldn't be too hard to convince them though, seeing as they've been pestering me about it from time to time."
"You mean, besides the whole 'having kids' thing?"
"Um, y-yeah. Besides that. You know how the drill goes with them."
I gave my aunt and uncle a call later that night to ask for their permission. Unsurprisingly, they were more than happy to give me their full support. I relayed the good news to Eri.
"They said yes."
"Splendid!" beamed Eri. "What did they say, exactly?"
"'It's about time!' …Yeah, that's the first thing they said. I had their approval right off the bat."
"Hee hee… I wish my parents were that easy to deal with."
I continued, "They said that since I'm already an adult, I should pay for my own car. However, since I don't have the funds they offered to buy it for me, but I'll need to pay them back for the cost out of my own pocket, bit by bit. Fair deal, right?"
"It doesn't get easier than that! You said yes, didn't you?"
"Of course I did. All in all, there are no issues to speak of. …There's just one thing."
"Don't tell me… It can't be in pink?"
"No. We're getting an SUV."
"An SUV?!" Taken aback, she spluttered, "Wh-Why an SUV of all things?"
I sighed. "I tried to tell them I just wanted a sedan, but they insisted I get the SUV. Said that when we have a bunch of kids we'd need the space. Can you believe them?"
"Oh, okay, that makes sense."
"Wh-Whose side are you on? We agreed on two children and no more. They expect us to churn out one kid for every year they're alive."
Eri laughed. "Yeah, I know how they're like. But seriously… an SUV?"
"We take what we can get. I mean, hey, they're generous enough to buy us a car. I'm not going to complain… Oh yeah, there's another thing. We'll get the car only after I complete my driving course. There's a driving school on the other side of town so I'm gonna head on over soonest chance I get."
"Awesome!" she squealed. "The sooner you get started, the better! I can finally say goodbye to perverts on the bus – oh, hang on…"
"What's wrong?"
"I'm still going to have to take the bus while you're having your lessons…"
"Oh, right…" We had a good plan going, but until it could be put into practice, we were still pretty much stuck at square one. "What shall we do about that?"
And so the brainstorming continued, all throughout supper and well into bedtime. Ideas were pitched in and tossed aside when they didn't make the cut. We couldn't find the perfect stopgap to her problem. My neurons had been stretched to their limit and I could think no more.
"We should call it a night," I yawned, settling into bed. "We'll think of something tomorrow, I promise. In the meantime – "
"Wait, I got it!" And in her excitement she pounced onto my lap, straddling me and nearly knocking the wind out of me. "I just need to dress up as a guy! No one will suspect I'm a girl that way, so I'll be safe!"
"You're gonna do the whole cross-dressing thing again?"
"It worked when I was still Seishirou-sama, so it'll work again." She pressed a finger to her lower lip, thinking a bit. "Except… I probably won't be Seishirou this time, seeing as he's on 'hiatus'… so what new persona should I create for myself?"
"I doubt it matters any, Eri. More importantly, do you intend to cross-dress everyday from now on till I get my driver's license? That's not going to be easy."
"If it means never having to hear another horse-related innuendo again, I'm all for it." She visibly shuddered from the memory of her harrowing bus trip together with Horse Boy. "Anyway, I'll just change into my normal clothes when I'm at work or college, and before I go home I'll change back. And if people ask I'll just tell them the truth."
"Well, that sounds feasible enough. I'll buy you more bandages if I pass by the pharmacy on the way back."
"Yes, please do." And she finally climbed off of me. "Three or four rolls will do for now."
"If that pharmacist asks why, I'll just tell her my girlfriend's cosplaying as a mummy for a party she's attending."
"Sure," she giggled, "that works."
XOXOXOXOXO
This is it. The start of a long climb to the summit.
My foster parents were kind enough to foot the 300,000 yen fee for my driving lessons, but reminded me that I'd need to pay them back for it in addition to the cost of my future car. I'd already attended the classroom lessons and passed the written aptitude test, so now it was time for some hands-on practice. The meat of the course, as it were.
As I sat on the benches waiting for my driving instructor to show up, my hands went clammy. What kind of person would my teacher be? I had heard horror stories of strict instructors who scold you to hell and back all throughout the duration of your training and make you deaf. God, I just knew it'd be an old guy with a bad case of hemorrhoids!
"Neku Sakuraba."
I stood up and looked around, and presently a man who looked to be in his thirties came over. Actually, more like sashayed over. What's with the exaggerated sway in his hips? Not even female catwalk models moved like that.
He flicked his locks with one hand and his fresh handsome face sported a smile full of pearly whites.
"Neku Sakuraba, correct?" he asked.
"Y-Yes, that's me."
"Heh heh, you don't need to be so stiff around me, hon. I'm not a scary person!" …"Hon"?
"Um, sure. So you're my driving instructor?"
"The one and only!" Again he played with his hair, this time tweezing one of the locks in his fingers. "Driving's the game, danger's my name!"
I could only stare at him, confused by his hammy one-liner. You could hear a pin drop.
"D-Danger?" I scratched the back of my neck. "That doesn't sound like a good thing to have when you're learning to drive…"
He laughed at my dry wit. "I guess not. Anyway, forgive the flashy intro. I'm HT Masuoka, and I'll be your driving instructor. Just call me HT. Like it or not, you'll be stuck with li'l ol' me for the remainder of your course!" And he… did he just wink at me?
His actions left me bemused. Was he flirting with me?
But I told myself to be professional. He's here to teach and I was here to learn from him. As long as he meant no harm, having him as my instructor shouldn't be too bad. I mean, hey, at least he didn't seem to be the grumpy sort (whether he suffered from hemorrhoids or not was another matter I was loathe to get to the bottom of).
HT led me to one of the school's training sedans. Seeing as this would be my first time behind the wheel, I started to get anxious. My gut tightened and felt like a coiled spring ready to bounce.
"Relax!" he said cheerily. "You can't do anything with muscles this tight! Here, let me help you, hon."
Before I could react, he placed his hands on my shoulders and started to… massage them. I hurriedly broke away from his grasp.
"I-I'll be fine!" I spluttered, shrinking away. "L-Let's just get started with our lessons."
"Oh my, such confidence! That's good! I always love a man who can take the lead."
Something told me that grumpy geezers with hemorrhoids would be the better deal here.
Okay, let's give professionalism another go… Adjust the seat, put on seat belt, check mirrors…
"Hang on a minute, hon."
I ignored what he'd called me and focused on what mattered most.
"Did I miss anything?"
"Hmmm… no. I just wanted to get a better look at your face. It's not often we get lookers like yourself around here."
"…I'm gonna start now."
And I turned on the ignition, putting an end to whatever shenanigans he may have been planning, much to his disappointment. He took it well, though.
"Heh heh, you're no fun. Loosen up a little or you won't get a passing grade!"
I spent today's lesson practicing the basics within the facility's training grounds. On one hand, for all of his effeminate quirks, HT was a pretty thorough instructor, and whatever questions I had for him were answered with a smile. I didn't need to worry about getting scolded or bullied.
On the other hand…
"Yes, that's the spirit, hon! You're really getting the hang of it now!"
"Um, uh-huh…"
"Careful, hon… Don't wanna hit those traffic cones when you're reversing…"
"R-Right…"
"You're a natural at this, hon! I bet you'll ace your driving exam with no problems!"
I wedged my foot onto the brake and turned towards him.
"Dude, no offense, but… could you not call me 'hon'? It's kinda distracting."
"Oh!" He was taken aback by this revelation. "Did I put you out? So sorry! It's just a force of habit. That's what I used to call all of my partners before we broke up."
"Well, if you could just call me by name, that'd be great."
His eyes widened and his hand reached up to his heart instinctively. The pink tint on his cheeks hinted at a romantic subtext that made me uneasy.
"I don't know about that," he breathed. "Calling you by name? We're not close enough for that yet!"
"If you won't call me by name, then just call me 'dude' or something. Just not 'hon'."
He begged to differ. "I don't like 'dude'. It reeks of… an unhealthy abundance of testosterone. It reminds me of the delinquents you see lurking the streets at night…"
I had the distinct feeling that if I pursued this matter any further, I'd just end up with a headache. Exasperated, I sighed, "You know what, just stick to 'hon'."
His frame loosened with relief and he went back to his old ways without missing a beat. "I knew you'd understand, hon! Let's get back to the lesson, shall we? If you keep getting distracted you're not going to pass!"
I… I suddenly had this urge to hit something. Too bad there was nothing I could punch without causing a scene.
A little later, this happened.
"A bit more, hon. Just reverse a little more."
I did as asked, backing up in between two traffic cones during a lesson on reverse parking. He had his head out of the window to gauge how far I was going.
"Okay, stop!"
That's when I rolled the car to a halt and pulled up the handbrake. HT scribbled some notes into his clipboard of papers before addressing my performance.
"Pretty great for your first try," he said, grinning. "Actually, I'd go so far as to say that was nearly perfect. You sent shivers down my spine there!"
You're sending shivers down my spine too… for a different reason.
"Alright, hon, let's see you do that one more time. See if you can give me the shivers again. I love me a good shiver."
I inched out of the parking space and reversed again, but I pressed on the accelerator a little too much and the car tumbled backwards at a slightly quicker pace, something that my instructor didn't appreciate. Even when he reprimanded my carelessness, however, he was relatively gentle about it… but the cringe-worthiness was as strong as they came.
"Now, that's no way to reverse a car, hon! Such a bad boy! Are you trying to give poor ol' me a heart attack?"
"N-No… Sorry about that…"
"Listen, hon, you want to go in nice and easy while reversing… just like our first time. There's no rush! No one will scold you for it… If you're the type who likes to be scolded, though, that's another matter altogether."
"Uh…"
"Just for the record, you're not one of those, are you? Not that there's a problem with – "
"No! Of course not! Can we get back to the lesson please?"
The lesson was filled with distractions aplenty. His insistence on calling me 'hon' was off-putting. For the last time, I wasn't his 'hon', dammit. And don't get me started on everything else that came out of his mouth. The blatant flirting was one thing, but why on earth did he have to include some kind of innuendo every few words?
When our lesson was finally over, I was ready to celebrate… except I remembered that this was one of several lessons. The road ahead would be a long one.
"You tend to press too hard on the gas and brakes," he said, "so learn to relax and use small foot movements. Same goes for your steering; it should be gentle. Don't swerve, hon. It's not good for you."
"I… I understand. Thank you for your guidance."
"No, no, the pleasure's all mine," he laughed. "I'll see you again soon, yes? Over a cup of coffee, perhaps?"
Ugh… I should subtly hint that he didn't have a chance with me. "No thanks, I gotta go. My girlfriend's gonna flip if I take too long getting home."
His expression didn't change one bit and if anything his interest in me increased twofold.
"You have a girlfriend, I see. Splendid! Next time I invite you for a cuppa, I'll invite her too! Sound good?"
His unexpected reaction caught off guard and all I say in response was, "Uh…"
"Awesome! I'm sure we'll all be great friends!"
What was I supposed to say in the face of such steely determination?
I returned home that afternoon a very tired man. The sight of Eri lounging on the sofa in shorts and a low-cut T-shirt was a much-needed one. For once today, I'd like to be fawned over by a woman.
"Welcome back," she said. "So how's it feel like to go back to school?"
I plopped down on the sofa beside her. "My driving instructor is… crazy. I'm putting it lightly here."
"What happened? Did he give you a hard time?"
"Depends on what your definition of a hard time is. If you mean my instructor blew his top and scolded my ears off, then no, that's not what happened. He's actually patient and kinda chill."
"Then what's wrong? He sounds like a swell person."
"He hit on me the entire time."
She looked at me with a queer glance. "Wait… you were hit on by a guy?"
"Do you have any idea how many times he called me 'hon'? If I ever hear that word again, I think I'll leave the country and never come back."
"Didn't you tell him you have a girlfriend?"
"I did. And now he wants a threesome. Well, what should eventually amount to one anyway, by the sound of it."
Eri just stared at me, incredulous.
"Tell him I'm not sharing," she said. "I'm not that generous."
"Neither am I. Frankly, I don't know whether to call him creepy or annoying. He's just so… girly."
"Girly? Care to do a demonstration?"
I altered my voice to an approximation of HT's dulcet tones. "Oh, hon! You've become such a fantastic driver, hon! I'm gonna be so lonely when you pass the course, so be sure to pop by and see li'l ol' me once in a while! I'll have coffee ready for you anytime, hon!" And then I ended my impersonation with my normal voice, "…Yeech."
Eri giggled. "Hee hee… wow, that's so cringe-y. I sure don't envy you, Neku."
"I'd sooner cut my own ears off than listen to his drivel! How does he not realize how stupid he sounds?"
"Well, it's just the first lesson. Maybe he'll give up after a few more if he sees no progress. It sure sucks being stuck with him for the entire course, but hey, at least he doesn't lose his temper."
"That's what I tell myself."
"Hang in there, Neku! Don't let him trick you into having that cuppa! That would be the point of no return…"
"Thanks, I'll tread carefully."
Suddenly she smacked her fist into her open palm. "Oh! I just remembered! There's something I wanna show you. Sit tight!"
Eri hopped off the sofa and zipped into her room with a skip in her step. She was back in five seconds with an A4-sized exercise book which she stuffed into my hands. The front cover nearly made me go blind with how much glitter had been stuck onto it. It's like an acid trip on hardcover. Written in big bold letters somewhere within the sparkly mess were the words, "Book of Memories".
"Behold!" she announced in a grand voice. "My proudest achievement to date! …Well, amongst other things."
I flipped it open. On the first page was a photo of the two of us, framed within some cute doodles. The pages thereafter had more photos – some from back when we were just friends hanging out, and others when we were dating for real. Some were cute, others were funny. There were even a few hilarious wisecracks included here and there.
"A scrapbook, huh?" I said, with a growing smile. "Ooh, that's pretty neat."
She folded her arms and wore a smug grin. "I know, right? Our very own album full of good times. Now whenever we do anything cool together, we can snap a photo or two and stick 'em in here! Speaking of which…"
Eri swiped an arm around my shoulder with lightning speed and plastered our cheeks together; at the same time she whipped out her phone with her free hand and held it out.
"Neku, say cheese real quick!"
"Uh… wha…?"
It was all so sudden and I hardly had time to react and understand what was going on when I heard the snap of a camera shutter. She took one glance at her phone to see how our impromptu photo turned out and burst into laughter.
"Oh wow, this should be in the Guinness Book of World Records or something! Look at yourself!"
"H-Huh?"
She thrust her phone into my face for me to view the results. She looked fine. Eri always looked fine. Me, on the other hand… I almost gagged. It was like a bad joke, seeing my own mouth hang open like my jaws had stopped working.
"Ladies and gentlemen," she sniggered, "we have a winner. Yup, this is definitely going in the scrapbook!"
"When I look like this?! No way! Delete it and we'll do it over!" I reached for her phone to do the deed but she yanked it out of reach.
"Nope! Candid shots like these make the best photos! And hey, five years from now when you look back at this moment, you'll think it's hilarious."
"Oh, you wish. Come on, be a good girl and just hand over the – "
She slid her phone right in between her breasts. It disappeared into her cleavage with just a corner peeking through. For someone who constantly claimed that her chest wasn't ample enough, it sure was a tight fit.
As she stuck out her tongue at me and giggled, I muttered, "…I hate you."
"Hee hee… What's wrong? If you want it, then come get it! These puppies won't bite… hon."
When she uttered that abomination of a word, my body acted on its own, bucking like a wild horse.
"Gah! Don't say that!"
But she just laughed at my outburst. "Wow, it's like you're allergic to it. Are you gonna break out in hives or something?"
"Seriously, please don't say that word. I hate it like the dickens."
"But then how am I going to say stuff like… 'honey'? Isn't honey chicken a recipe of yours?"
I stiffened, realizing that I wouldn't be able to get away from hearing that infernal word in some form or another.
"Or 'honeydew'?" she continued with a hint of sadism. "There are lots of things with the letters H-O-N in them too. What're we gonna do if we want to watch a movie like, say, PocaHONtas?"
"Oh god, stop, please," I grunted. "Look, forget it. Let's get back to this scrapbook…"
"By all means!" In an instant, she had miraculously forgotten all about teasing me. "Just take a look at it all!"
My HT Masuoka-related miseries evaporated as I looked through the scrapbook. Almost all of these photos had a casual feel to them – some were taken during the usual date at the local cafe, others during more important events like the Hachi Fest or last year's anime convention. I lingered around the ones taken during our summer vacation at the beach. Ah… it's like taking a tour through the history of our relationship. So cute!
Then I turned the page and was in for a shock.
"Eri?!" I spluttered. "Wh-What's this?!"
"Oh my," she chuckled. "That's a rather naughty one, isn't it?"
"You're freaking naked in this selfie!"
"Oh yes, it turned out pretty well if I do say so myself."
"What is up with this? Are you trying your hand at porn or something?!"
She pouted, though it was clear she was neither annoyed nor offended. "Don't call it porn! It's… uh, an artistic rendition of the unclothed female form!"
"What if someone picks up this book and sees this?"
"I don't see what's wrong with it. It's a really artfully taken photo, all of the important bits are covered up… what's not to like? I'm sure everyone will be able to appreciate it."
Her logic left me in a giddy spell. "Look, I don't mind if you like taking nude selfies. Hell, you want to keep your own private collection of 'em, fine by me! But if you intend to show off this scrapbook to our friends when they come visit, then no. It's just too much."
"Boo! Okay, fine, I'll replace it with a bikini shot instead. That should be safe, right?"
"Safe enough for what that's worth."
With great reluctance she pried the offending photograph out of the scrapbook and held it out to me. "Here, you can have this."
"Y-You keep it. It's yours."
"Don't worry, Neku! I've got extra prints."
"Uh…"
"What, are you shy?" she teased. "We're living together and you've already seen me naked a million times… and you're shy?"
"No, don't be ridiculous." Without thinking I grabbed the photo off of her fingers. "There's no way I… could… uh, could…"
The photo showed her lying on her back in bed, and she meant for it to be seen upside-down for artistic effect or something. She was the kind of person to push the envelope as far as she could without going overboard, and this photo was a prime example of this trait of hers. So of course her naughty bits had to be just barely covered up by way of an arm or the shadows in her room. All that experience as a model must've gifted her with a lot of creative potential.
"Yes, Neku?" she sneered. "You had something to say?"
"Uh…"
"I believe the last thing you said was, 'could'."
Damn this photo… actually, damn you, Eri. How many times must you distract me from finishing my sentences? You're just too sexy!
"Ahem, right." I flipped the photo onto its back and coughed. "As I was saying, uh… don't… don't be ridiculous… I think."
She patted my head, in a playful display of mock pity.
"It's alright, Neku. If I saw a naked pic of you while I was talking, I won't remember what I was trying to say either. So don't feel too bad."
The eye-roll treatment I gave her was like water off a duck's back and she just laughed.
I went through the rest of the scrapbook together with her, partly to relive our most memorable moments, and partly to eradicate any questionable photos she may have included. Thankfully, I was able to give it a clean bill of health.
"And that," said Eri cheerily, "was how we ended up stuck in the same cubicle! Remember?"
"I didn't forget," I said, embarrassed at the memory. "It was a real close call…"
"It sure was! Ah… good times."
"Says you. If we left at the wrong time, we'd be knee-deep in some pretty bad crud."
"All part of the adventure, I say."
She skimmed through the next several pages in a flourish, revealing them to be empty. Then, with a dull thud, she closed the scrapbook.
"That's all the photos I got for now," she said. "I'm sure we'll add more in time to come and fill up the pages."
"That sounds cool. I'll keep a lookout for any more opportunities for a little camera action."
"You could stand to loosen up a little more in our photos, though! You always come across as kinda stiff."
"I'm stiff? Really?"
"Yeah! Lemme show you." She reopened the scrapbook to one of the first few pages and tapped her finger on the photo at the very top. "See this? Your smile in this one is so strange."
"We had that taken during winter last year. It was freezing! I couldn't smile properly."
"Fair enough. Then how do you explain…" – she pointed at another photo – "…this?"
"We took that one in a hurry. Had to catch a train."
"Okay… what about this one?"
"Full bladder."
"And this one?"
"You were groping my butt."
She paused.
"I was?"
"Yes. Quite roughly too. Don't you remember?"
She took a few seconds to recall the details and then gave me a sheepish grin, placing her hand behind her head.
"Oh yeah, I do remember… But your behind just looked so grab-able! You can't blame me for it."
"Please don't justify your perverted actions like that…"
We exchanged playful barbs for a while and eventually called it a draw. I wanted a nap to sleep off the exhaustion so I left her to watch TV on her own.
"The sooner I get this driving course over with, the better," I said. "In the meantime, please – and I'm begging this of you very seriously – refrain from saying that word."
"Oh? What word?"
"Y-You know what I'm talking about. That word."
Her lips curled up into an impish grin. "Nope, I haven't the slightest idea, hon. Whatever could you mean, hon? 'Cuz I don't know, hon. Care to remind me, hon?"
Eri, you little…! ! !
XOXOXOXOXO
"Alright, hon!" said HT. "That's enough for now."
I rolled the car to a halt. "But it's only been half an hour since we started the lesson. Bit early for a break, don't you think?"
He flashed me a sheepish grin. "It's a bit embarrassing, but I haven't had breakfast yet. I was so excited about seeing you again, hon, that I rushed all the way here without eating anything."
"Uh…" Nope, not flattered.
"I bought some pancakes from the cafe just down the street." He patted the paper bag he had on his lap the entire time. "Chocolate flavor with cookie bits on the inside. It's the best stuff in town!"
"Th-Then why don't you eat it, while I practice on my own…" Anything to shut him up was more than welcome.
Unfortunately fate wasn't so kind towards me. "Actually, I was thinking maybe we could share them, hon. There's no way I can finish them all on my own – "
"I-It's okay. Really, just take them for yourself."
"Don't 'it's okay' me!" he said, with a girly pout. "You have to eat at some point. If you don't eat you can't concentrate on whatever you're doing!"
Great. Now he's trying to be my mum. What's next, is he gonna change my diapers?
He reached into his bag, took out a pancake and tore off a small piece. Then, much to my great discomfort, he extended it in the direction of my mouth and said:
"Alright, hon, say 'ahhh'…"
"Look, dude," I spluttered, "I don't need this, alright? I'm not hungry."
"Oh no, I insist. This is my treat." And all the while his hand grew closer. "Don't be shy! What's there to be shy about? Go on, open 'er up. I promise you'll be in for a good time!"
"No, I don't want it. Seriously, stop it."
He didn't listen. "Go on… Say 'ahhh'…"
"Wait, no… chill out! Hey!"
"Heh heh, it's really delicious, take my word for – "
My precious bubble of personal space was being invaded and I could take it no longer. I screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs.
"I DON'T WANT THE CHOCOLATE PANCAAAAAAAAAAKES…! ! !"
And there I sat in bed, in the safety of my own room, panting and sweating away. I glanced all around and slowly I began to calm down.
Huh… so it was just a nightmare. Damn, it felt so real. Good god, it's not enough for HT to bother me during our lessons; he has to go after me in my dreams too! Good thing it was all merely a figment of my imagination. I only hoped I didn't startle Eri with that scream…
The door swung open and Eri rushed over to my side with a look of concern on her face. Looks like I did wake her up after all.
"What happened?" she asked. "Did you get hurt or something?"
"Oh, uh… I'm fine. I… I just had a nightmare." I squeezed her shoulder, trying to reassure her. "Um, sorry for waking you up…"
"No, that's okay." She looked visibly relieved. "That was a really loud scream, though. What were you dreaming about, anyway?"
"I dreamt that HT was about to feed me pancakes. He was being pushy and it was so awful."
Eri's face darkened considerably and her eyes lost their shine. She's unhappy about something, but I had no idea what. Now we'd switched places and I was the concerned one among us both.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Neku," she muttered, "do you really love me?"
I scrunched up my brow, puzzled at her question which came out of left field.
"O-Of course I do, Eri. Why?"
Oh, she's actually miffed now. "If you really are my boyfriend, why wasn't I the one feeding you in your dreams?!"
"I… I can't control what happens in my dreams, Eri!"
"Yeah, but dreams are like a sneak peek into a person's subconscious. That driving instructor's been on your mind lately, huh?"
"D-Don't even suggest it," I said, with a shudder in my frame. "If I never see him again, it'll be too soon."
Eri narrowed her eyes, making me feel like I was a criminal being put on trial. Wrongly put on trial at that. As I was wondering what kind of testimony I should use to clear my name, she pulled the covers off of me without warning and then pointed an accusatory finger at my… pants. Or rather the unsightly bulge sitting in the middle of them.
"Then how do you explain this, Neku? Did your driving instructor get you this hot and bothered?"
"It's just morning wood!" I protested. "It's a normal thing with us guys. Seriously, gimme a break. Besides…"
"Besides?"
"…you're the only one who can get me all hot and bothered."
Eri loosened up considerably upon hearing that, satisfied at long last that I wasn't contemplating a fling with another guy. Her smile was proof that I'd avoided a potentially sticky situation.
"I know," she said softly. "To be honest, I know fully well you love me more than anyone else. I just wanted to be extra doubly sure, is all. I didn't mean to put you on the defensive like that. So, uh… sorry."
"Don't sweat it, Eri. And you know me: I'm not leaving your side anytime soon, and certainly not for a guy."
"Heh, yeah." A yawn overcame her and she got up to leave. "Anyway, I'll be outta your hair now. Go back to sleep."
Then she went back to her room and I was alone once more. The screen on my cell phone indicated that it wasn't even midnight. I still had a long night's worth of sleep left to do. Tomorrow was my final lesson with HT before the exam. It won't be long before I could be rid of him at long last!
That's why I was all smiles even in the face of his annoying mannerisms. Even he noticed how happy I looked.
I was weaving through a busy highway when he remarked, "You're pretty sprightly today, hon. It's good to see such a handsome lad like yourself to be so full of energy, eh?"
"Well," I said, shrugging, "I guess I'm getting the hang of driving."
"You'd better. Your driving exam is coming up real soon! You need to stay on top of your game. Otherwise, you'll be seeing a lot more of li'l ol' me around here… heh heh."
I tried not to gag on his indecent words and focused all of my energy on the next driving obstacle. It was business as usual but I ignored his innuendos and whatnot as best as I could. It's something of an achievement that I didn't need to feel like screaming that strongly. It helped that he didn't have a bag of pancakes with him.
By this point in time I was relatively well-versed in the art of driving, and although I was still shaky in some places, I felt that I had gotten a whole lot better since the beginning. Even HT noticed my improvement, despite being busy spouting nonsense left and right.
When we were back at the driving school, he briefed me on my performance.
"Gotta say, hon, you've come a long way. I say you're more than ready for the exam."
"Is that so?" Thank goodness! I could finally get this over with!
"I won't be your examiner during the exam though. They're assigning someone else to test you. I kinda wish it was me… but they have to play fair. And I'm going to be assigned to a new trainee right after this, so there's that too. Busy busy!"
"Busy… right."
HT brought his hands together in a single clap. "Well, I guess that's it! You're officially done with lessons. All that's left to do is to ace the exam and that'll be the end of it."
I was tempted to do a jig right on the spot just from the fact that I didn't need to deal with this fruitcake anymore. But before the celebrations could commence, I was in for a little surprise.
Presently, his cell phone rang. He answered the call and spoke in very quick and short sentences. Then, just as soon as the call started, he ended it.
"I have to go," he said. "Gotta pick up my kid from school and I'm already late."
"Oh, alright – wait… you have a kid?"
He was just about to turn and leave when my question stopped him in his tracks for a couple of seconds. "Yeah, a son. He's in primary school. Got a wife too, she's a sales rep."
"I thought – "
"Sorry, can't chat." He jogged away, calling over his shoulder, "Good luck on your exam, hon!"
That was the last I saw and heard of HT Masuoka, and thank heavens for that.
But I remained puzzled by that last revelation. So he liked hitting on guys, but he had a wife and son? What the hell was up with him?
I boarded the next bus, head spinning from all of the questions.
"Oi, Phones," called someone from near the back seats. "Get over here, man."
I saw Kariya waving me over from the very rear end of the bus and I went over to sit next to him. It's nice to be able to talk to another guy who didn't try to pry their way into your pants for once. He was fiercely heterosexual and proud of it. All of my troubles evaporated as I conversed with him about our shared hobbies.
"How's that car of yours, by the way?" I asked. "It's been a while since you had it sent to the workshop."
His face was one of pain. I could almost feel him hurting from every pore on his body as he spoke. "My car? It was beyond repair, so I had to sell it off…"
I gasped. "Sorry to hear that. W-Was it that bad?"
"Yeah. The mechanics took one look and shook their heads and they were like, 'Son, we hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your car's a lost cause.' To be honest, I knew it was nearing the end of its lifespan… but it's my baby! We go way back, you know. We've been places, seen and done things together, had children we didn't know about… Okay, maybe not that last one."
"You're got an emotional attachment to your car, I get it. But if it keeps breaking down at the tip of a hat…"
"I know, man. It was a hard choice, but it had to be done. I'm gonna miss good ol' Dolly…"
"I'm just gonna pretend I didn't hear the part where you gave your car a name and leave it at that."
"Speaking of cars, how're your driving lessons coming along?"
At some point during my driving course I'd told him about getting a driver's license but he never did get to know about my effeminate instructor. Now's as good a time as ever to impart to him some of my grievances.
"The good news," I replied, "is that I just finished my last lesson. All that's left is the exam and I'm home free."
He was happy for me. "Ooh, cool! I bet I can welcome you to the club before very long. But what's the bad news?"
"There's no bad news," I said, with a smile as wide as the bus we were riding. "The even better news is that I can finally get away from my instructor."
"Why? Was he mean to you?"
"No. Clingy."
He frowned, his eyebrows pressed together like an accordion. "Clingy?!"
"Yes, clingy. And really girly too."
Kariya was about to voice out his confusion when he stopped himself and instead asked an eerily specific question.
"Tell me," he said, "does that instructor of yours… call you 'hon'?"
I was so surprised that I didn't quite know what to say for a few seconds. "Y-Yeah, how did you know?"
"I'd like to say it's a wild guess, but there's really only one instructor in town who's girly. And that's the one who infamously calls all of his students 'hon'."
"Again, how do you know all of this? Did he used to be your driving instructor?"
"No, way back when I learnt to drive he wasn't an instructor yet. But my buddies had the apparent misfortune of being stuck with him, and they told me all kinds of stories about him. I did meet him in person once, when I went to pick up a friend of mine from driving school."
"And he called you 'hon'?"
"Yup. He calls everyone 'hon'. And this, plus his behavior in general, is the reason he's such a good instructor."
"How so?"
Kariya chuckled. "No one can stand him, so they learn the ropes real quick to pass the exam and get away from him."
I groaned and buried my face in one hand. The details that trickled in made my head spin. "I can see how that works. It sure worked on me! By the way, there's one more thing. He said he has a wife and son, so why the hell is he hitting on his students? Why did he keep hitting on me?!"
"Nah, he ain't hitting on you, Phones." He waved his hand in a "don't mind" gesture. "He's totally straight. He's just really friendly but doesn't know how to keep his distance. Really, he has no intention of coming onto you. He just wants to put his students at ease."
"And all he's achieving is the exact opposite of what he intended."
Kariya laughed. "Poor guy doesn't even realize it himself."
"Oh well," I sighed, "if he really isn't coming after me, then that's good. I can finally rest easy."
"Hey, don't bring out the champagne yet. You still have an exam to pass."
"I know. Any tips, Kariya?"
"Yeah, don't be drunk on the big day."
I rolled my eyes, earning myself a smirk from him. "How about some real tips, pal?"
"Don't be afraid of the examiner; they won't murder you. Also, get enough sleep before the exam and make sure you're not hungry. Hunger gives you shaky hands so that's bad, real bad. Watch the roads calmly and carefully. And above all else, don't get complacent. If you muck up, HT will be there to welcome you back with open arms."
"That last one especially makes for some real incentive to not fail."
He laughed and gave me a rough but friendly pat on the back. "You'll be fine, Phones. Just think of all the fun times you can have with Eri once you get that sweet ride – "
"But washing cars is still not allowed at my apartment."
"…Well, you get the idea."
XOXOXOXOXO
"It's here!" I announced, frothing with excitement. "It's finally here… Look at this!"
"You did it!" Eri gave me a big hug. "Congratulations!"
The driving exam wasn't exactly easy, but I got through it and now I had my shiny new driver's license. It's just a piece of printed paper framed within a laminate cover, but it was a pretty damn important one. Now a whole world of opportunities had opened up to me and I was ready to embrace them all.
"I can drive now!" I boasted. "Once I get a car of my own, you won't need to take the bus again. Finally, peace of mind for both of us!"
"And I'll have my own driver," she joked. "My very own chauffeur to take me around town… and I don't even need to pay a single cent for your services!"
"It's nice that you're so honest."
"I know, right? So, about that car…"
Of course I told my folks about the great news. They made good on their promise to buy me a car, so long as I made good on mine to pay them back the full amount eventually. It would take a long time, but I was fine with their terms.
That weekend they asked the two of us to pay them a visit. The car had already been bought and all that's left to do was for us to collect it. When we arrived at their house, there was a car I'd never seen before sitting out on the driveway. An SUV, to be precise. I knew this was the very early Christmas present my folks were talking about.
"Maroon," Eri noted of its colour. "Hmmm, not pink…"
"It should've been orange," were my thoughts on it. "But hey, we got a car!"
Auntie and Uncle came out to greet us and chat for a while, dwelling on my experiences during the driving course. But we didn't wait long to get down to business.
"Here's the key, sport," said Uncle. "You earned it."
He threw it at me in a slow arc and I expertly caught it in one hand. It was sitting in a ring together with a small leather keychain shaped like a log. Looking at it, I was filled with a growing sense of awe. I couldn't wait to test out my new ride and reap the fruits of my labour.
Words couldn't describe how happy I was, but I tried. "Auntie, Uncle, thank you so much! This will be a really big help to us!"
Eri was grateful too. "Yes, thank you!"
"I'll be sure to pay you guys back fully, don't you worry."
"Take your time," laughed Uncle. "Just promise us you'll use it well and take good care of it."
"You have my word."
I approached the door on the driver's side. Hands shaking in anticipation, I extended my newly-acquired key towards the keyhole. It went in with little resistance, then with a flick of my wrist I unlocked the door.
"Holy hell," I gasped. "L-Let me try that again."
I twisted the key in the opposite direction, locking all of the doors with a dull thunk. Then I unlocked them again… before repeating the process at least three more times. Hearing that sound was true bliss. It was a firm reaffirmation that the car was my tool and I was its master.
Eri was the sane man here for once. "Neku, it's just a door," she giggled. "Calm down."
"I… I know. But it's my door. I can't help it."
"I was like that when I got my first car too," said Uncle. "I was so pumped that I just sat in the driver's seat and stared at the speedometer."
Ah, a like-minded individual! "I think I understand how you feel, Uncle!"
But the women couldn't identify with us. Auntie just shook her head. "Men and their toys…"
Eri joined her in pretending to be exasperated. "Now I know what it feels like to play second fiddle to a car."
We opened the doors and surveyed the interior from top to bottom. For something that's supposed to be secondhand, it sure looked like it had hardly been used. Auntie confirmed that the previous owner didn't drive it very much, which explained why it was still good as new. Nothing escaped my scrutiny; I examined every mirror and seatbelt, the dashboard and glove compartment… and when we were done with the insides we checked out the boot and bonnet. Everything was in good shape.
"There's so much space in the back!" Eri gushed, before going back to her lecherous self, "For when, you know, we have an 'emergency' and desperately need the elbow room. Ahem."
I snorted, but didn't mind. I did chide her very gently, however. "Good grief, I can't believe you said that out loud."
But my folks latched onto our comedy routine like leeches, seeing this as an opportunity to give us encouragement in the right direction.
"Oh yes!" said Auntie. "By all means, have as many 'emergencies' as you want!"
"If you run out of space for all of your kids," quipped Uncle, "we can get you another car."
I just gulped and said nothing to that. My mood was good though, so I didn't see the need to shoot them down. Instead, I hopped into the driver's seat and beckoned to everyone. "Let's take this for a spin. Who's coming?"
"Me!" Eri jabbed her hand straight up into the air. "Let's go!"
"We're tagging along too," said Auntie. "We want to see just how well you can drive."
I puffed out my chest. "You don't need to worry about that. Just watch."
My girlfriend slipped into the passenger seat while my aunt and uncle bundled into the rear seats. The air was filled with excitement and the thirst for adventure.
I gave everyone a once-over. "Seat belts fastened?"
"Yes!"
"Alright. Time to hit the road!"
Eri was a bouncing ball of energy. "Woohoo! To infinity and beyond!"
It was a lovely afternoon for a drive. The sun wasn't too warm, the traffic was light with few cars on the road…
…and we were chugging along at a snail's pace. There was nothing wrong with the car. The problem lay with me. Without the presence of an instructor to guide me, I didn't feel very confident behind the wheel. So I took things slow. Maybe too slow. I'd subject everyone to at least half an hour of this and their excitement had largely evaporated.
Eri let out a ginormous yawn. "This is the slowest 'To infinity and beyond' I've ever been a part of."
I just chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry, guys. I just want to be careful."
"You're plodding along at 30 km/h," noted Uncle, peering at the speedometer from the back seat. "And there's a long line of cars behind us. You're not training anymore. It's okay to go a bit faster."
"Even if you say that, I'm just starting out. This is literally my first time driving on my own. Better safe than sorry, right?"
"Sure, I guess. But you'll tick off the other drivers. 50 km/h should be fine even for a newbie driver like you. Thirty is way too slow."
"But – oh! Red light!"
I pressed on the brake, gradually bringing the car to a standstill. Personally, I was glad to be a law-abiding citizen, keeping everyone safe and sound.
My passengers were not impressed, however.
"Neku," sighed Auntie, "you're too far from the yield line. Go forward a little more."
I did as I was told. One or two inches, and that was it.
"Still too far."
Reluctantly I crawled forward another couple of inches.
"You're still too far! Go right up to the yield line!"
"But Auntie," I protested, "this is a T-junction. I don't want the other cars to bump into me when they turn into the opposite lane."
"It won't happen as long as you're behind the yield line."
"You can never be too careful…"
Uncle muttered, "Well, I'm sure you'll get the hang of normal driving at some point…"
Yeah, I still had a lot to learn…
XOXOXOXOXO
"Take a look at this, Neku."
Eri held out the scrapbook, for me to see the latest page. She'd stuck a new photo on it, but one glance at it and I knew I wasn't a fan.
"What is this?" I grunted.
"It's exactly what you think it is!"
"Well, yeah, but… why did you stick a copy of my driver's licence in our scrapbook?"
"'Cuz it's like a milestone, of course! It's proof that we've reached another important juncture in our lives and passed it with flying colours!"
"This has to be the tackiest thing I've seen in a long while. Can't we use a more normal photo instead?"
She ignored my protests and continued, "If you're worried about your licence being forged, don't worry! I wrote the word 'SAMPLE' over it! See?"
"I can see that alright. And that's what makes it even tackier – wait, why's my photo a bit weird…" I looked at it a little closer. "Hey, you drew a mustache over my face!"
All she did was giggle. "Eheh… I couldn't help myself. You give me a photo, I'll scribble on it. But! On the plus side, now there's definitely no way anyone can forge your licence!"
"…You're such a handful, Eri."