Chapter 63
Tegan was due to be taken to the hospital by helicopter. It wasn't urgent that she gets there fast but Kate felt that it would be less commotion than an ambulance with the paps still outside and Tegan attached to monitors and oxygen she didn't want to take her in a car. She also had another motive although she didn't want to admit it to herself, Nancy. She called her to ask for a favour and Nancy happily obliged. Kate felt butterflies when she saw the chopper land on the lawn and Nancy jump out and walk over to her. Nancy smiled her amazing smile and Kate's heart jumped. Damn, she's so hot! Thought Kate and chuckled. "Hey stranger" smiled Nancy. "Hey Nance..." said Kate and gave her a long hug. "Thanks for arranging this" she said. "No problem, we were just lazing around anyway. Pretty slow morning so far. Is Tegan okay?" she asked. "Yeah, I think so but I want to run some tests. Don't want to drop the ball now" said Kate as they walked over to the house with the gurney. "Listen Nance... I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. These last few months have just been crazy. I haven't really had much personal time. None in fact" smiled Kate. "I just want you to know that I wasn't ignoring you on purpose. I would understand if you moved on... but if you haven't.. I'd love to try and take you on a date again... a less stressful one this time... I think about you all the time" said Kate and blushed. Nancy smiled "I'd love to go on another date, maybe we'll be able to schedule it in before we both retire" she laughed and put her arm around Kate's shoulder and squeezed it as they walked towards the house. "We'll sort something out. Let's get Tee out of here... I've missed you Kate" she said.
Tegan was in the CT scanner staring at the scanner roof about 30cm from her face. She used to be slightly claustrophobic but during her lengthy stay in hospital that included numerous CTs she got over her issues fast. She felt fine again although her eyes were still burning and her neck muscles and throat were a bit sore. She silently hoped she didn't hurt her vocal cords again with all her wailing. She closed her eyes as she thought about her post nightmare freak-out earlier. She was embarrassed. She put up quite a fight when being wheeled out to the chopper on a stretcher insisting that she's fine to walk. She heard Kate's calm voice over the intercom. "You're doing great in there Tee. Almost done... you're just fine".
The morning was filled with a myriad of tests, function of every organ you can think of was tested and Tegan felt as if she didn't have any more blood left to be drawn. Tegan was lying on a bed in a room waiting for Kate to get back with her test results. She didn't speak much the entire morning. She felt like crap but she was also quite despondent to be back in the hospital and her earlier nightmare still upset her. She held Lindsey's hand tight and stared out the window. "Baby... what were you dreaming about?" asked Lindsey softly stroking Tegan's knuckles with her thumb. Tegan stayed quiet for a minute. She swallowed hard, "I... can't remember" Her heart monitor sped up exposing her lie. "Sweetie... you can tell me" said Lindsey. "I really don't want to talk about it Linds...please" said Tegan and looked out of the window. "That's okay baby" smiled Lindsey and kissed Tegan's hand. "Hey Teegs, where do you want to get married?" said Lindsey trying to change the atmosphere in the room. "I don't know" sighed Tegan and closed her eyes. "Canada? LA? Maybe we should just elope to Vegas" said Lindsey. "Does it really fucking matter" snapped Tegan. As soon as she did she regretted it. She bit her bottom lip and opened her eyes to see Lindsey look taken aback. "I'm sorry!" she said quickly. "I didn't mean that... I... I'm just... distracted" she whispered. "Where do you want to get married? I'll do whatever you want to do" said Tegan. "No Tegan, I want you to choose with me... not leave me to choose" said Lindsey. Tegan closed her eyes and sighed. "Sometimes I don't get girls... We can decide later okay" she said. "No problem, I just thought it would be nice to have something else to think about right now" she said. "Lindsey... I'm back in hospital and by the sounds of it I'm not doing too well so I'm a bit preoccupied okay..." said Tegan looking annoyed. "Exactly my point..." said Lindsey. Tegan turned her head away and closed her eyes. Lindsey could see Tegan's jaw clench and release a few times in quick succession. "Tegan... feeling sorry for yourself won't help" said Lindsey. Tegan breathed in deep through her nostrils as if to calm herself down. "I think I'm allowed to feel sorry for myself right now... just ... just..." Tegan was becoming more and more angry and also more out of breath. She picked up her hand and made a dismissive gesture. Lindsey just stared at her. Tegan was the sweetest, most awesome person in the world and Lindsey was head over heels for her but she also knew just how full of shit she could be some days. But she understood her. She knew her better than she knew herself so she just let her be. She felt Tegan squeeze her hand in a silent apology and she squeezed back. Lindsey had a sudden realisation that Tegan did indeed have the right to feel sorry for herself. Lindsey leaned over and kissed Tegan on the cheek.
Tegan slowly turned her head back when Kate walked in a few minutes later and broke the silence. "Hey buddy! How are you feeling?" she smiled. "I'm okay" said Tegan softly. "Well, I'm sure you're pretty tired right now. Your BP is back to a more normal range after some IV drugs, so is your pulse ox. I want to do another quick echo of your heart though. Your pulse is still quite high even with the drugs." she said. "Why is that?" asked Lindsey. "Well, her heart had quite a hectic workout this morning and it's just really working quite hard right now to get all the systems back on track" said Kate. "When can I go home" asked Tegan emotionless. "Well let's do the echo, that will be the determining factor. Tegan closed her eyes for a few seconds, she was so tired. She was worried because she was starting to feel the same as when she was in ICU – too exhausted to open her eyes. She forced her eyes open again. "Kate..." she said softly "Why... How can a nightmare cause all this?" she asked. "Well, I don't think the panic attack caused all of it. Let's not forget that you weren't exactly feeling groovy yesterday either." said Kate. "Great... Now I don't even have something to blame for this..." said Tegan sarcastically. "Tegan... I know this is hard. I know that all you want right now is to be better, get back to your music; to your life... be back to normal... You're gonna get there okay, just take it one day at a time and allow yourself some time to recover. There's bound to be a few bumps in the road. You need to allow yourself those too" said Kate seriously. "This is just a bump okay... we're going over it fast just hang on" said Kate softly as she prepared the Echocardiogram. She gently pulled down the covers and put the probe on Tegan's chest and started rolling it around. Lindsey looked at the screen displaying her beloved's beating heart and felt the tears well up. She felt Tegan weave her finders into hers. She looked at Tegan. She looked pale and tired but she gave Lindsey a wink and mouthed "I love you" followed by a smile.
A/N: Oh dear... poor Teegs. Good thing she has her boo with her. Review, review, review please!