Chapter 4: Testing
There comes a time when the thoughts and intentions of your heart are tested. You have to decide what you want, and sometimes WHO you want in your life. But the testing truly comes to help you understand the most important part of decision making. And that is WHY you want a specific something or someone. Particularly in the affairs of the heart, you can explain how you feel about someone and what that feeling does to your insides. However, if you can explain (if only to yourself) why you love someone, that love can stand the test of time. That's because your "why" makes all the difference in the world. It's the air that you breathe. It's your heartbeat, your reason for persisting in the face of major obstacles. A really strong, healthy why can help you forgive an offense and mend a broken relationship.
Edgar Reade was hurt when Tasha Zapata rejected his first kiss over two years ago. When she left to go to the CIA, he was crushed, and he didn't fight for a chance with Tasha. He just let her go. That was because Reade didn't understand why she was ultimately important to him. No, that didn't happen until she was gone. The emptiness he felt was suffocating. Only then did he begin to understand what Tasha meant to him. Yet, he was too stubborn to just pick up the phone and call her. Then, when he woke up next to Tasha after they were kidnapped, something changed in him. He still didn't get it. But his fiancé Meg understood clearly after she met Tasha and noticed the change in Reade. The rest is history yet to be written.
Tasha was always a loner who didn't like to talk about her feelings. Yes, she had relationships but they lasted no more than a few months. She had a traumatic childhood and felt the world was a cold and dangerous place. Her mother was an alcoholic and she never knew her father. Tasha had to raise her brother who was only a few years younger until their grandparents found and took care of them. Ricky Flores was her closest and most meaningful relationship, but drugs and the gang lifestyle took his life before he turned 21. Tasha never felt safe or trusted anyone. Until she met Edgar Reade.
She knew he was different the first day they started at the FBI. They were brilliant together, solving a difficult mystery and building a reputation on day one. And, she saved his life that day. That's when Reade knew she was special. Tasha had an idea that he would be in her life in a major way when she complained that her boyfriend would not be happy that she was in the field her first day on the job. He wanted her to have a desk-related position with the FBI. Reade replied, "Maybe he's not the right guy for you." Tasha just looked at him because she knew Reade was right and she wondered, although she just met him, if he would eventually be "her person". Life and love are full of choices…and surprises.
While on the elevator, on their way to Patterson's briefing, Tasha leaned over and kissed Reade with a passion. As they stepped out Reade was thinking about earlier Tasha's words, "I'm your woman." That declaration caught him completely by surprise. It was the last thing he expected to hear from Tasha, considering how tense they had been leading up to their discussion in the bar last night. Was she really that in love with him? Ironically, Tasha was thinking that she was so in love that her emotions (yes, her emotions) were out of control.
All during the briefing on Blake Crawford's gala, Tasha and Reade did their best not to stare at each other but it was difficult. Patterson thought she noticed something but quickly put it out of her mind. She was not happy that Tasha found her way to the briefing. The team discovered that Blake was working with Vanessa Baker, a meeting planner who was also a highly respected wedding planner. Reade knew her because Meg, his now former fiancé, had mentioned her many times. When Reade mentioned he knew of the wedding planner because of Meg, Tasha felt her mouth go dry and her heart began to pound in her chest. Reade looked over at her and saw the mild panic on her face, but he didn't say anything or give any indication that he ended his engagement and relationship. In fact, he tried to set up Weller and Jane to meet with Vanessa Baker and pretend to be an engaged couple so that Patterson could hack her laptop for information. Weller, seeing Reade's embarrassment for knowing so much about the wedding planner suggested he should go to get some free tips. Clearly the team was going to explode once they discovered that Reade and Zapata were trying to establish their relationship. Jane and Weller legitimately wanted more time to dig into Hank Crawford and the terrorist. Reade couldn't argue with that logic. But if Patterson was going to do the hack, he and Tasha would have to masquerade as an engaged couple. Reade looked at Tasha and said, "I guess it's you and me." Tasha tried to look annoyed and replied, "Guess so." They heard Patterson call Vanessa Baker and use one of her contact's names to get them on her calendar. It worked and they were headed to a coffee shop to meet her. Tasha's heart as well as Reade's started to really pound as they and Patterson went to his car.
The ride to the coffee shop was quiet as expected. Reade really wanted to grab Tasha's hand which was on the middle console next to his. They stole looks at each other, being as careful as possible. Patterson then spoke up explaining what she was going to do and how much time it could take to execute the hack. She mainly addressed Reade, ignoring Tasha's questions. Reade looked back at Patterson with a death stare. She got the message. The plan was that Patterson would go into the coffee shop first and find a place to sit. The "engaged couple" would come in about ten minutes later and wait for their guest.
Those were the shortest ten minutes on record. Reade and Tasha held hands never taking their eyes off each other. The knew there wasn't time for anything else and they couldn't go in looking like they just made out. "We've got to talk tonight Tasha", Reade said. "We haven't defined our relationship and what we'll tell the team." Tasha responded with a nervous nod and said, "Yes, tonight let's go to your apartment and order take out." "My place is a mess and I don't feel comfortable going to a restaurant right now." Reade retorted, "I can cook." "Reade, you never cook." "Besides, I want you all to myself", she said with a smirk. Tasha knew she was hiding behind that smile and would eventually have to tell Reade about the undercover assignment. If she did that tonight at his place she could leave if that conversation didn't go well.
The meeting with the wedding planner went well. Their covers were Ron Brown and Audrey Esposito. Vanessa asked "Ron" when was the first time he knew he was in love with "Audrey". Reade was about to answer when Tasha interrupted and said, he's been in love me since the day we met. Tasha only said that to push Patterson's buttons. Patterson knew that they both loved each other but were too afraid to act on it. Because Patterson didn't know about their bar conversation, Tasha knew she would expect her to be very uncomfortable speaking with a wedding planner given Reade's engagement. Reade understood exactly what Tasha was doing and did his best to keep a straight face. He also though about a day when they would to this as a real engaged couple.
The hack was successful and all the gala files were copied. Unfortunately, the file they really needed to see was heavily encrypted. Patterson would need to stay overnight to crack the file. Reade told everyone else to go home and get some rest because tomorrow will be a busy day. They all went to straighten up their desks. Tasha stopped in Reade's office to see how they would handle their evening. They would meet at the elevator and head to his car. They've done this many times in the past as friends so it would not look odd today. Tasha ordered take out while she waited for Reade.
They stopped by their favorite pizza place to pick up their order and headed to Reade's apartment. But Tasha shyly said, "We need to stop by my apartment to get my overnight bag." Reade raised an eyebrow to that. She then said, "Or not if you don't want me to stay." That made Reade laugh out loud. "Tasha, of course I want you to stay, but who are you?" "You have totally blown me away today." She just laughed and said, "Take a left here, silly." I've already answered that question this morning in the elevator."
They finally arrived at Reade's place. They were holding hands since they left Tasha's apartment. When they got inside the door, Tasha wrapped her arms around Reade's neck and kissed him like he was leaving the planet. Reade responded by lifting her off her feet. He spun her around and set her in front of his couch. They sat together kissing. This was new for them and they were having a problem keeping their lips off each other. They stayed like that, for what seemed like forever. They parted when they both needed to breathe. Reade looked directly into Tasha's eyes and said, "Don't be mad but I missed lunch today and I really need to eat something before we continue. I feel like I'm going to need my strength before this night is over." Tasha laughed and smacked his shoulder. "You're such a wimp Reade. I'll be gentle with you."
They ate pizza and drank beers while flirting and holding hands. They laughed about pretending to be an engaged couple earlier that day. But Reade realized that they needed to talk about their relationship and what that will look like. He really loved Tasha and although he just ended his relationship with Meg, his head was clearer than ever. He knew what he wanted: a real chance at happiness with Tasha. He let her go twice and would not let that happen a third time.
Tasha couldn't believe she was behaving like a teenager in love for the first time. She always prided herself on being in control of her relationships. Things were different with Reade. She remembered the day in the hospital protecting a cancer patient from Hurst. She was looking at pictures from the Weller/Doe wedding of her and Reade dancing. They looked like it was their wedding day. How could she not see that back then? She is sure that Reade loves her. He just walked away from his fiancé for her. Now that she told him she's in love with him she feels like a weight has been lifted. But she knows that's not entirely true. She has to tell him about the undercover assignment at HCI Global. Everything they are doing at work is about taking down Hank Crawford and his company. Reade has to know what she has agreed to do. It could be the worst start of a relationship ever, but if she does take the assignment and leaves without any conversation there won't be a relationship.
After eating Reade and Tasha went back to the couch to talk and Reade noticed that she seemed preoccupied with something. "Tash, are you ok?" Reade had been fighting his fear that she would change her mind and run. He was getting tired of that feeling and he was ready to confront it. He was not willing to lose her again.
For the short time they've been together in Reade's apartment his attentiveness to her has melted Tasha's heart completely. She was more in love than when she arrived if that was even possible. Tasha let out a deep and shuddering breath and took what felt like the biggest risk of her life. She didn't lose eye contact with him.
"Reade, I love you more than words could ever say and I have for a long time. I want us to work so bad that its driving me crazy." Reade felt a "but" coming. She about to run again. "Don't you dare run Tasha. Not now." "I'm not running Reade". "You've got me…but I have to tell you something that could make you run from me." Reade raised his eyebrows and maintained direct eye contact. He then said, "I just told someone I was about to marry that I'm in love with you, Tasha." "I'm not sure what kind of test this is, but I'm not going anywhere no matter what you say or do, even if you're dying, and you're not allow to die." She gave him a weak smile and grabbed his hands.
Tasha had never called Reade "baby" before tonight but she felt she needed to say it to convey her heart. "Baby, Keaton offered me an undercover assignment to take down HCI Global." "It was long before I thought we could ever be together and I said yes." "He told me not to tell anyone, especially you, but I couldn't keep this from you. I want us to work so I'm being honest with you." Reade sat back on the couch and took a deep breath. He didn't blow up at her when she told him she loved him, although her timing sucked. And he would stay calm now. He knew Keaton was capable of this and already resented him for luring Tasha to the CIA. "So you're telling me that you knew about this assignment when you told me you were in love with me?"