A/N - Hey guys! Hope we're all still hanging in there. For my people in the US, I hope that you were able to celebrate Memorial Day Weekend in some way while continuing to keep yourself safe.
How many people wanted to block Ali from going to bed and force her back out there with Emily in the last chapter? Don't worry, I'm raising my hand too. She's trying. She definitely knows what she wants, but there is certainly an odd type of fear that can wash over you sometimes when you get what you want. We'll see if she chickens out or jumps in and goes for it. Thanks for continuing to read and hope you all enjoy!
—
Emily stood in the living room for a few moments trying to process everything that had just happened.
She hadn't been expecting Alison to lean in and kiss her, but she also wasn't surprised by it. Emily had been letting her in for weeks now, and they had been tiptoeing between that line that separates friendly territory and romantic territory. When Alison kissed her, she felt the kiss reverberate through her entire body. It felt like everything that she had thought it would. It had been so long since the last time that they kissed, but tonight reaffirmed that her feelings were absolutely still there. She had felt an innate pull to the other girl. It was the same pull that she'd felt for years now. When Alison kissed her, she felt a warmth spread through her, but when it ended so suddenly she felt like she had been kicked out of a warm building and left in the cold.
Emily wandered up the steps, feeling like she was walking through a dream world. She replayed the conversation leading up to the kiss in her mind several times. She'd meant everything that she said. The kiss had felt amazing. She had no plans of stopping it or stepping away. Had the wine not spilled who knows where they would be right now.
She wanted to go back downstairs and talk to Alison. She wanted to know what she was feeling and where her head was at. Had her desires been growing the last few weeks like Emily's had or was it just an impulse? She knew that regardless, she needed to give the blonde some space. Plus, it was getting late and they both needed to be up with the girls early tomorrow. Emily touched her lips. She could still feel the electricity from the kiss. She knew that she wasn't likely to fall asleep anytime soon.
Downstairs, Alison wasn't getting much sleep either. She felt confused and conflicted. When she had come back from South America, she had decided that this was what she wanted. She wanted to be back in Emily's life. She wanted to try and make it work again. The feeling of the kiss had been amazing, but she couldn't help but worry that she had rushed it. She wasn't even sure if the other girl was single. Emily didn't push her away or freak out, but did that mean that she wanted the same things? Alison wasn't sure.
She was reminded of how terrifying it was for her to get what she wanted because it meant that she had something to lose.
She woke up several times throughout the night with a feeling of dread that she was going to lose the relationship that she'd been trying to build. She wasn't sure where to go from here.
—
The next morning was chaotic, and it had nothing to do with the kiss.
Despite spending time the previous evening getting everything laid out and ready, the twins were still a little bit of a mess. Grace could only find one of her matching shoes after she got dressed and had tried to swipe Lily's. She was found out when it turned out that both shoes that she was wearing were for her left foot. That saga had led to Emily having to turn their bedroom upside down in an attempt to find the matching shoe. Then after that, Lily's bow went missing and the child had a ten minute meltdown because she didn't have another blue bow to match her dress. She had to settle for pink.
Emily was thankful that they had set the alarms sooner than they needed to and had woken up early. They needed the extra time to get ready. She tried to get breakfast made and lunches packed while Alison was upstairs finishing getting the girls ready. The space helped them a little bit. She had woken up nervous that they would be awkwardly circling around each other all morning and thanks to all of the drama, that hadn't been the case.
Eventually, everything got sorted out and the girls were downstairs eating breakfast with their supplies all packed and plenty of time to get to school. Emily and Alison kept the focus on the twins. They didn't linger around each other. They were both unsure of what to say after the way that the previous evening ended. It went unsaid that they wouldn't let whatever was going on between the two of them affect the twins' first day of school. Emily wished that they would have talked last night to avoid this kind of morning, but there was nothing that she could do about it now. She knew that Alison had a difficult time articulating her feelings out loud, but she had thought that they had progressed past the part where they just ignored what was going on.
When the time came, they drove Lily and Grace to the school together and walked them in. There were plenty of other parents lingering around who looked distressed at the prospect of leaving their children at school. Emily tried to push those feelings away. She'd already had this breakdown before and really didn't want to go through it again. She wondered if Alison was getting the feels. Was that why she'd been so sentimental last night? Was that what the kiss was about? She tried to be attentive during the teacher's announcements, but her mind kept wandering. It came time to say goodbye to the girls and they exited the classroom, trying to dodge several teary eyed parents in the hallway.
The car ride was quiet, and it was starting to drive Emily crazy. She tried to make conversation.
"Their teacher seemed nice… I don't remember ever crossing paths with her before," Emily noted as she turned off off the main stretch of road in Rosewood back towards the house.
"Yeah… she was good," Alison responded. She didn't offer up any more conversation. She continued to stare through the windshield with her hands folded on her lap. She'd been silent the whole ride before that, lost in her thoughts. The same thoughts that she'd been lost in since the previous night.
She wanted to talk to Emily about the kiss, but she was scared. When she'd come back from her trip, she'd been so determined to fight. What she hadn't considered at the time was what she could lose. Last night, she wanted to tell Emily everything that she'd been feeling the last few weeks and where she wanted their relationship to go from there, but it was scary to put herself out there. If the brunette didn't feel the same way, it could ruin their relationship. She wanted to open up, but she was struggling to find the courage.
Emily pressed her lips together. Alison sounded a little out of it. She looked over at the blonde, and thought that she looked a little shaken up. She wondered if maybe she was having those first day jitters after all and tried to cut her a break. "You okay?" Emily asked, lightly touching the other girl's arm across the console.
The touch caught Alison's attention and she came back from the haze. She turned towards Emily, "Yeah... you?"
"I'm okay," Emily answered. She thought a joke might help. "Just making sure that you weren't going to turn into one of those other moms that we saw in the school today."
Her comment elicited a genuine laugh out of the blonde. When she looked over, Alison didn't miss the tentative smile on the brunette's face. She could tell that Emily was trying. The problem was that when she looked at Emily, all that she could do was look at her lips. And her lips made Alison think of her actions the previous night. And then she got anxious all over again. She knew that she needed to try to talk to Emily, but she was having trouble forcing herself to do so.
"You sure you're okay?" Emily asked when the car got quiet again.
"I'm fine," she quickly answered. She'd gotten over here initial sadness and disbelief about her babies starting school last night. Now she was dealing with other problems. They only had a couple of blocks left until they would arrive at the house and all of Alison's instincts were pushing her to jump out of the moving car.
She'd been working so hard the last couple of years in trying to be honest with herself and other people. She'd talked to a therapist about her inability to open up and really thought that she was doing well. Talking about her feelings when it came to Emily just felt different, though. The stakes were higher, and she wished that she believed enough to bet on herself.
They pulled into the driveway and Alison realized that even if she wanted to jump out and run to her own car that she couldn't. She had a whole bag that she'd brought for her overnight stay and she needed to actually go back in the house and get it.
Emily pulled the keys out of the ignition and looked over at the blonde again. She still looked wildly uncomfortable and Emily felt at a loss. She felt like they'd taken a step back six years in the past. Before they were married. Before they had the girls. Before Alison had told her how she felt about her. It made her sad and frustrated. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. She was worried if she brought up the kiss that Alison would brush it off or shut it down. But what was the alternative? Were they just supposed to pretend that it didn't happen?
Alison bit her lip. "I guess I should grab my stuff," she said.
"Sure," Emily responded, sounding somewhat defeated. She opened her car door and headed towards the house with Alison trailing behind her.
Neither of them spoke as they walked in and Alison made a beeline for the guest room to grab her bag. Emily shook her head. Were things really playing out this way? Had she experienced that fleeting moment of being drunk off of the kiss last night just to experience another Alison hangover?
The blonde walked back out with her things. Emily could tell that she was anxious. She always moved her eyes rapidly around the room as if she was scanning to make sure that the lamp or bookshelf didn't launch a surprise attack. Emily has been trying to be patient with her, but it was waning.
"Thanks again for letting me stay and take them to school. I, um- I really enjoyed it," Alison nodded and turned. "I'll talk to you tonight."
And with that she walked towards the door, not leaving Emily room to make conversation. She stared at the blonde. Was she really just going to leave? Emily knew that sometimes Alison needed a push. She sped towards the door after her, "Ali, wait!"
The blonde turned in her direction, a look of panic crossing her face.
Emily continued undeterred, "Are we really not going to talk about last night?"
Alison gulped and stared at her. God, she wanted to talk about it, but she couldn't force the words out of her mouth. Instead, she told the brunette, "I've gotta run. I have a department meeting at the college that I need to get to."
This was the first time that Emily had heard anything about this. She stared at her. She wouldn't try to call her out or object. She just shook her head and lifted a hand in the air at a loss of what else to say. This was typical. She wasn't sure why she expected anything else.
"Okay," Emily said. She turned her back and pressed her eyes closed. She mentally counted to five to avoid any kind of outburst before the blonde left. She heard the door close she turned towards the door again, noting Alison's absence. This felt like such a set back and it sucked.
Outside, Alison made the walk to her car. She pulled out her key fob to unlock the door, but stopped before clicking the button. She couldn't leave it like this. They'd come too far in the last few years. She'd come to far. She couldn't self-sabotage. She had to talk to Emily honestly. If she didn't feel the same way, Alison would force herself to move on. It would hurt, but she would do it, and they would still have their friendship and their daughters and it would be enough. It would have to be.
Emily didn't make it very far before she heard a knock. As she crossed the room towards the door, she saw the blonde standing there through the bay window. What now? She wondered.
"Did you forget something?" She asked when she opened the door. She hadn't meant for her attitude to slip in, but couldn't help it. She was annoyed and needed some time to herself to get her thoughts sorted out.
Alison stared back at her for a moment. She exhaled loudly shook her head, "I'm sorry. I lied."
Emily's brows constricted, "So you don't have a meeting?" She'd assumed as much, that the blonde was just trying to make a quick exit.
"No- I mean, I do..." Alison shook her head again, "Its just not until this afternoon."
Emily nodded, accepting that, but didn't offer anything else.
"Can I come back in?" Alison asked nervously.
"Okay," she stepped aside and let the blonde through.
Alison didn't make it far into the house. "You were right," she said, her back turned away from Emily. The brunette pushed her lips together and Alison turned toward her, "We should talk about last night."
"Ali-"
Alison held a hand up and interrupted her, "Before you say anything, I just need you to know that I don't regret it. I wanted to kiss you, so I did. And I know that I probably shouldn't have because we're divorced, and we've worked really hard to get to this place, and you have a girlfriend, but I-"
"Ali, wait," Emily interrupted her. The blonde looked back at her with wide eyes. She was inhaling and exhaling quickly like she was out of breath. Emily wanted to chuckle a little bit because given the speed of Alison's train of thought, she just might be. She wanted her to know one thing first, though. "I don't have a girlfriend."
Alison's face immediately contorted in you confusion, "You...What?"
"I don't have a girlfriend," Emily shook her head with a little smile playing on her face.
"Since when?" She pushed her brows together and put a hand on her hip.
Emily couldn't help but chuckle at the action. She looked cute when she was flustered and her attitude seeped in. Emily had broken up with Casey a few days after she'd spent the day at the zoo with Alison, Lily, and Grace. "Three weeks ago?" She guessed with a casual shrug.
Alison blinked, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Emily shrugged, smile still on her face. The truth was that Emily had kept the information to herself intentionally. She didn't want to break up with Casey and go running to Alison, despite that being what she wanted. They still had a lot of rebuilding to do. She wanted them to spend time together and get closer. She wanted to make sure that the feelings were mutual. It seemed like they were based on what the blonde had said. Alison had kissed her because she wanted to. Alison didn't regret it.
"So... what now?" The blonde asked.
"Do you know why you wanted to kiss me?" Emily asked her. She suspected she knew, but she wanted to hear from Alison. She needed to hear her say it out loud.
Alison bit her lip with a small nod. She stared back at the brunette. She knew. She had allowed herself to be open and acknowledge her feelings and desires since she came back from her trip. She hadn't meant to act on them so soon, but she wouldn't take her actions back. When they kissed last night, Alison felt a current go straight to her heart. She'd never felt a feeling more strong with anyone else.
"I know that we've tried to keep things just friendly between us since we broke up but..." She pushed her lips together. She was so scared last night that she'd crossed a line and pushed them out of the comfortable territory that they'd found. She wanted more, but she didn't want to lose what they had either.
"But...?" Emily met her gaze. She stared into Alison's eyes. She'd gotten lost in them so many times over the years, but right now she didn't feel lost. She felt like she was finally seeing the clearing after being trapped in the woods. She felt like she'd been lost for years. And now she was ready to be found.
"But I love you," Alison told Emily. Her lips curled up as she said the words. "I'm in love with you. I've tried to move on, but I can't make the feelings that I have go away. I don't think..." she shook her head, "I don't think that that I want them to."
Emily took a step forward and put her arms around Alison, pulling her into a hug. They stayed silent for a few moments. Emily wanted to say so much. Just ten minutes ago, she thought that she was stuck back on the carousel with Ali, going around and around-Seeing the blonde and trying to chase her, but never quite catching up. But Alison had done something that Emily hadn't expected. She opened herself up and told her how she felt. She came to Emily's row on the carousel, and put herself out there regardless if there was a seat for her or not. And there was. For Emily, there would always be.
She'd been trying to bury her feelings for Alison for years now. After the divorce, she told herself that it was over and the only other option was to move on. So she covered up her feelings with her daughters, her job, and attempts at other relationships, but they were still there. She didn't want to keep them hidden away anymore either.
"I'm glad that you kissed me last night," she said out loud as she held the blonde. "It meant something to me."
After a moment Alison pulled back and searched Emily's face. She felt like her heart was going to explode-partially from the nerves she'd felt in telling Emily how she was feeling and partially from excitement. Still though, she wanted to know what all of this meant. "So what happens now?" She asked.
Emily smiled, she leaned in and placed a sweet kiss to Alison's lips. She wasn't sure what happens next. She missed that chapter in "How to Get Back Together With Your Ex-Wife". Right now, she just wanted to feel the other girl's lips again.
Alison was beaming with rosy cheeks and shimmering eyes when Emily pulled back. She took the blonde's hand. "I don't know what happens next, but I really want to find out. Is that what you want?"
She squeezed Emily's hand in return. She felt like she was melting into the floor. The anxiety had worn off and now that she'd finally gotten out her feelings, all that she could feel was love. She nodded at the question.
Emily sought out her eyes, "So we'll take it slow. We'll figure out where we want to take it."
Alison nodded again and leaned back in. She felt her eyes starting to water. She didn't want to start crying in front of Emily, but her emotions were totally taking over. She pressed her lips against the other girl's again. The brunette let her have the lead and Alison kissed her long and slow. When she pulled back a tear finally slipped out.
Emily reached forward with her thumb and wiped it from the blonde's cheek. She let her hand linger on the side of her face and looked at her seriously, "I love you, Alison." She pulled her into another hug. She wanted to hold her girl and never let go. She didn't want to feel lost ever again.
—
Following that day, they did what they said that they would do. They took it slow. They continued the pattern that they had worked with for over a year now of keeping Lily and Grace in Rosewood with Emily during the week and letting them spend the weekends in Rosemont. They wanted to make sure that no matter what happened or where their feelings led to that Lily and Grace's lives weren't impacted negatively. They didn't want to show more affection than usual in front of the girls and confuse them. They knew that they needed to figure out themselves before involving the girls.
Still though, both Emily and Alison felt the need to be around each other more. They continued extending the time that they spent around each other on the weekends. On Fridays, Emily usually stayed in Rosemont for a few hours into the evening and had dinner with Alison and the girls. Sometimes she stayed long enough to put them to bed and she and Alison spent time together afterwards. On Sundays, Alison made it a habit to bring the girls over in the afternoon. The four of them would spend the majority of the day together and Alison would stay over. On week nights when she had light teaching days, she drove to Rosewood and spent the evening with Emily and the girls. She helped with their homework, the four of them ate dinner together, and she always slept downstairs in the guest room. Alone.
Alison came over one Wednesday night a few weeks into the school year. The way that her schedule worked out, she taught early classes Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays and then taught evening classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Emily's schedule was still pretty opened too with summer swimming being over and RHS swimming not starting back up for another month. It was refreshing anytime that she saw the blonde outside of their weekend routine. She used to have to go the whole week without seeing her, and having her around even just one night helped to break the week up. Plus, when they saw each other during the week it was an opportunity to sneak away for a few kisses.
"Hello?" Alison called when she opened the door. She liked the comfort that came with not having to knock anymore. She'd checked with Emily, and the brunette had told her that she had always thought it was weird when Alison knocked to get in.
Grace came running around the corner to greet her, "Hi Mommy!" She hugged the blonde around her hips.
Alison reached down and held the little girl to her for a second. "Hi sweetie," she smiled before Grace ran off. She continued into the house and saw Emily sitting at the table with Lily. They had two long drawing papers spread out with a mess of crayons.
"Hey," Alison greeted them, picking up a piece of paper on the table. It looked like an instruction sheet from the teacher.
Please draw a picture of your family for the class. Drawings should include yourself, your house, your mother, father, siblings, pets, or anyone else special to you.
She held up the paper to Emily. "Does this teacher of theirs know how problematic her wording is?"
Emily held up her hand glancing at Lily before Alison could say anything else. "I'm aware." She had thought the same thing when she'd read the instruction sheet. Sure they lived in a small, fairly conservative town, but why in the world did their teacher seem to think that all family's were alike? She'd thought pretty highly of her when they'd met on the twins' first day, but she was starting to re-think her opinion.
"Grace! Come on, we're starting your class project," Emily called to their other daughter. "What was she doing when you came in?" She asked Alison.
The blonde shrugged, "Running around like an animal like she always does? She needs some kind of outlet besides doing laps around the living room."
Emily rolled her eyes. "Soccer starts next week."
"Did you really have to pick soccer? I was okay being a swim mom.. but a soccer mom? That just makes me feel old and like I need to trade in my car for a mini van."
"You don't look a day over twenty-nine," Emily smirked. "Plus they're excited. Right Lils?" She directed to their daughter. Lily just shrugged.
"Grace!" Alison called again.
The little girl skipped in and sat down with her family at the table. For the next hour, Emily and Alison sat with their daughters while they drew a picture of their family. It warmed Emily's heart a little, but she tried not to show it. She didn't want to seem like too much of a sap.
Both girls drew very similar pictures. Neither woman told them what to draw, but they both drew a picture of a house that looked similar to the one that they were in now. They both drew their mothers and Alison couldn't help but make a face at her daughters' depictions of her. Grace got a little wild drawing her blonde hair and it looked like she had a large yellow animal on top of her head. Meanwhile, Lily drew her feet as if they were six sizes bigger than they actually were. She looked like a clown. Their cartoons of Emily weren't much more flattering. It made both women laugh.
Still though, it was interesting to her that both of the girls opted to draw all four of them in one house together. Alison wasn't sure if they would draw the house with just them and Emily inside and her off in some far away apartment. Their pictures looked like the family that she had dreamed of for the last few years. It felt like they were on the track to get back to that.
Towards the end, Emily left the three of them at the table with the projects while she finished up dinner. Alison looked down at Lily's picture and saw a small dark object drawn next to the figures of her family.
"What's that?" Alison asked her daughter, pointing to the object.
Lily smiled up at her innocently. "My puppy," she told her mother as if it was a fact.
Alison could help but laugh at the imagination. She excused them from the table and let them play in the other room until it was time for dinner. She waited until they were out of sight and walked over to Emily. She ran her hand down the other girls back and Alison watched as a flush rose to her neck.
"Did you hear your daughter?"
Emily turned her body. "She's been bugging me about getting a puppy for weeks now. They both have been." She chuckled a little and rolled her eyes. "I made the mistake of parking close to the fenced dog park when we went to the playground one day and it's been nonstop since then."
Alison mindlessly walked her fingers up Emily's arm and then trailed them back down. She liked being able to touch her when they were alone instead of having to forcibly restrain herself. "Are you going to give in?" She wondered.
"Mmm," Emily closed her eyes for a second, enjoying the tickling sensation that Alison was creating. "Are you asking that for the girls or for you?"
"Just curious," Alison shrugged nonchalantly.
Emily narrowed her eyes, "Oh my god. See this is where she gets that from," she shook her head.
Alison laughed, "Yeah, but you love me anyway."
Emily smiled and locked eyes with the other girl. "I do," she confirmed. She put both of her hands on Alison's waist and pulled the girl towards her. She pecked her lips. Everything felt right and she liked the way that things were going. In the last few weeks she'd felt the most at peace that she had in years. Everything felt like it was falling into place and she hoped with everything inside of her that things stayed that way.
—
A/N- So then they lived happily ever after, right? Well we've still got plenty of chapters left, so that isn't exactly the case. But how about these girls! They finally admitted their feelings for one another, which is huge- Especially for Alison who was one impulse away from driving to back to Rosemont and ruining all of her progress. They've still got lots of building to do, though, so stay tuned!
To the guest reviewer that was very concerned that Emily was cheating on her girlfriend last chapter- Hope your worries are alleviated!
Take care of yourselves, you guys! Thanks again for reading.