She Comes And Goes As She Pleases (Part 66)
by BrDPirateMan

It was a dark and stormy night… and Eri had a story to tell.

To emphasize its horrific nature, she dressed up for the part. Well, all she did was wrap herself up in a blanket like it was a hooded cloak, but it did the job. The atmosphere was just right too: rain pounded on the windows from the outside, and occasionally we'd catch a flash of lightning through the windows. The lights were off and the only other source of illumination besides the lightning was the flashlight she was holding, and this she held pointing straight up at herself from below, painting ghastly shadows on her face.

"Listen closely," she said, in a spooky voice. "This is a tale no mortal should ever hear of. We are taking great risks simply discussing this. Why, our sanity could crumble like dust as we speak."

Ever the snarker, I just shrugged. "You never know till you try. Go for it."

"Once, not too long ago, there was a young man. He was a college student about your age, studying graphics design…"

"Mm-hmm…"

"…and while he was kind and handsome and gentlemanly, he had little fashion sense and insisted on spending his days at home in a frumpy green T-shirt that, for whatever reason, had 'Revolver Monkey' printed on the front."

Growing suspicious at how specific the character's description was, I took a quick look at my own shirt. It was green. And it said 'Revolver Monkey'.

"Now why does that sound familiar…"

Still keeping a straight face, Eri continued, "He was staying back at school one evening, because of some important matters he had to take care of – "

"Wait, I thought he's supposed to be a college student."

Eri paused, trying to retrace her steps. Realizing her mistake, but at the same time refusing to revise her story, she improvised it on the spot, saying, "Yes, he's a college student, but did you know he was also a victim of bad luck?"

"How so?"

"You see, one time while he was dining in the cafeteria, he sneezed, setting off a chain reaction of increasingly horrible disasters which culminated in the destruction of the entire college."

"Uh… what?"

"With his dream college in ruins, he had little choice but to make a living as a schoolteacher. But that's fine. It's always been his lifelong dream to teach little kids."

The inconsistencies were stacking up so much that I could suspend my disbelief no longer. "Then why's he at college in the first place? You said he's majoring in graphics design."

The eerily calm demeanor that Eri adapted for the tale cracked a little at this point. I could've sworn I saw her eye twitch.

"A story is in progress, dear friend. If you value your soul, please stop interrupting."

"R-Right. S-Sorry…"

Back on track, she continued, "At any rate, our hapless hero was taking a shortcut through a dark alleyway… He was halfway through the inky blackness, when suddenly – "

The doorbell rang. Right at that moment.

"Must be the pizza delivery guy," I muttered. "Be right back."

I hopped off the bed and left to answer the door. A couple of minutes later I was back with a box of seafood pizza.

"It's here!" I chimed. "Shall we tuck in?"

But Eri was being surprisingly patient. "We shall do that as soon as I'm done with this tale."

I placed the box on my desk and it was back to story time. The aroma was very distracting though, and the saliva in my mouth flowed freely at the scent of freshly baked salmon.

"Anyway," she said, "the young man was walking down the alley when – "

My cell phone rang. Also at that exact moment.

"One moment, Eri."

Although slightly irked, she allowed me to take that call.

"'Sup."

"Hey, Phones," said Kariya over the line. "I hate to bother you, but my PC is spazzing out real bad. My eroge crashed and now it's playing the same dialogue over and over in a loop! And it's right before the best part!"

Indeed, I could hear the same lines being repeated ad nauseam over the line. "Mr Kariya, we mustn't! I'm married!" said a lustful-sounding female character, before saying it again and again.

"Dude," I said, a touch amused, "you name your protagonists after yourself?"

"Why won't I? Anyway, tell me how to do an emergency shutdown. I forgot how."

"Hold down the power button for five seconds. That should do the trick."

A cry of delight over the line indicated that he had taken care of his problem. "Ah! That helped. Thanks, man."

"Don't mention it."

"A'ight, catch you later. I'm gonna need to fix this… Oh yeah, before I forget, did you get your daily login gift in HoZ today?"

"No, I didn't see anything in my inbox. You?"

"Me neither. It's never happened before. Anyway, I won't keep ya. Catch you later."

The call ended. Weird… but kinda funny.

Eri, meanwhile, looked impatient. "I trust we can return to our story?"

"Oh, yes! Sorry about that. Go ahead."

"Very well. The man was walking down the alley when – "

A loud clap of thunder pierced our eardrums, cutting her off. I could swear the whole apartment trembled from how loud it was. Undeterred, Eri tried again.

"He was walking down the alley when – "

"ACHOO! …'Scuse me."

"…Um, he was walking – "

"ACHOO!"

"He – "

"ACHOO!"

After I was done blowing my nose, I found Eri glaring at me. The frustration on her face was clear to see, even in the dim light.

"Neku, are you doing this on purpose? Gesundheit, by the way."

"What? No! I would never. My nose just happened to start itching. But I've taken care of it. Please, I wanna hear the rest of the story."

"If I get interrupted again, I'm gonna sic my teddy bear on you."

Eri took a deep breath to calm herself and recollect her thoughts. Being interrupted left and right when you're trying to tell a story must be very tiresome. I sure didn't envy her. Eventually she relented and continued, but was savvy enough (paranoid too) to pause after three words.

"He was walking."

Then she waited for something to happen. Satisfied that she wasn't going to be stopped mid-sentence, she gave me the next few words, repeating this stop-start pattern.

"Down the alley. When suddenly. Aliens kidnapped him. With a flying saucer. And he was never. Seen. Again. The end."

I stared at her, incredulous as she shrugged the blanket off her shoulders in a hurry and got up from the bed to turn on the lights.

"What?" I gaped. "Th-That's it?"

"Yup."

"I thought it's supposed to be a ghost story."

"It is," she said, clearly lying. "The aliens are ghosts from the planet of… uh… Spook-a-tron."

"That's still not a ghost story…"

"Then I'll tell you a better one next time. The forces of the universe don't want to work with me on this one, you know? Now, the pizza, if you will."

This storytelling session was Eri's idea. Seeing as October 31 was in three days' time, she was hoping to get us in the mood for Halloween. It didn't go as smoothly as she wanted it though, as you already saw.

Now, Halloween isn't part of our culture. There's no stopping us Japanese folks from celebrating the holiday, but from what I've seen, it's not something the general populace really cares about. It's not as big as Christmas or New Year's Day, for one. And no one bothers with trick-or-treating. That said, it's great if you like dressing up. After all, it's essentially a holiday where you have an excuse to indulge in cosplay.

And come October 31, Eri would have a great excuse indeed. One of her college buddies, a real affluent sort, was holding a party at her house. And you know how Eri is: she's a real party animal. Of course she won't say no to something like this. And if she could get to dress as she pleased and goof around? Sign her up.

Chomping down on a pizza slice, I mumbled, "Remind me again what you're gonna be dressed as?"

"A witch!" was her enthusiastic answer. "Not an ugly, scary one though. No, I'll be the young and sexy version, thank you very much."

"Yeah, ugly and scary doesn't suit you very well."

"Speaking of suit, Shiki's coming along with me too, and she's making her own costume for the occasion! How's that for talented?"

"Girl sure got a knack for this sort of stuff. What kind of monster is she looking to be?"

"A maiden from the Victorian era."

"That's not very monster-like."

"Not when she's part dragon and has these wicked horns on her head!"

"Ooh, half-dragon!" I whistled. "Okay, now that's different."

"And get this: there's a bit of background to it too."

"Background? What, like a backstory? Why would she need a – "

"So her father was a dragon who fell in love with a woman and assumed human form so that he could romance her. They hit it off pretty well, and even when she found out the truth about him, she couldn't bear to be away from him. But her parents objected to them being together, so she eloped with her dragon lover and settled in a cozy little cottage on the outskirts of town. Needless to say, one thing led to another and they soon had a kid, who'd grow up to shatter all misconceptions about dragonkin and usher in a new age where humans and dragons can coexist in peace. Fun fact: she's the real inventor behind the steam engine and the hydroelectric dam. She just let others take the credit. Oh, another fun fact, she has three kidneys and two livers."

Flabbergasted, I just blinked at Eri owlishly. Truth be told, most of what she had said went over my head.

"Uh… what?"

"Okay, I might have made up that last part about the kidneys and livers, but the rest was spot-on. Didn't miss any details."

"You know, if Shiki just wants to dress up for Halloween she sure as heck doesn't need a backstory, let alone such a detailed one."

"Let her be, Neku. She just wants to have fun."

"What about you, then?" I snickered. "I bet you're supposed to be part of a witches' coven or something."

"Nope," she said with a shrug. "I'm just a simple witch, passing by."

"A witch doesn't just 'pass by'…"

"Not when she's a freelancer. A freelancing witch, moonlighting as an itinerant hawker. Hexes and curses at 1300 yen each, cheap! I'll even throw in a free voodoo doll with each purchase totaling more than 5000 yen. Good deals all around!"

I pretended to be outraged at the prices she was offering. "What a ripoff! I get better deals down the street."

"You'll change your mind once you've given my top secret illegal aphrodisiacs a try. Effective and affordable! One teaspoonful in your drink and you'll be… ahem, up for an entire week."

She's not the only one in this relationship who could tell dirty jokes. Crude humour like that was best responded in kind.

"Now you're talking," I said. "Gimme half a dozen of those things. I'd like to try 'em out with a certain witch who just so happens to be 'passing by'."

"Wow, listen to yourself," she giggled. "If I wasn't your girlfriend, I'd be calling the police."

"Heh, you started it."

We polished off the last few slices of the pizza, and as I took the box to the kitchen bin to toss it out, Eri followed.

"On another note," she said, "are you sure you're not coming to the party, Neku? I asked if you could come along, and they're okay with it…"

"Sorry, I can't make it. There's that Halloween event at WildKat, as you already know. I gotta help out."

"Sure bites to have to work on Halloween."

"Even if I'm free on that day, I don't think I'd turn up; noisy parties like that just aren't my thing. I'm okay with mingling, I just don't do that at one of those wild rave things."

"Oh, it's nothing like that!" corrected Eri. "It's more like a mixer, like, a really big mixer with a ton of people. It's pretty chill."

"I'd still give it a pass. Give me a nice and quiet little buffet or something, with a lot less people, and I just might consider going."

In a goodnatured tone, she jived, "Once a homebody, always a homebody, eh?"

I smirked. "Old habits die hard."

XOXOXOXOXO

"How do I look?" asked Eri. She twirled round on the spot to afford me a better view of her costume.

I would not go so far as to call what she was wearing a true costume. It's just one of her usual slinky black strapless dresses. That's it. Oh, and a pointy hat. She rented it from a cosplay store. That was the only thing that felt remotely witch-like. I was expecting something more creative, something more fantastical. Instead, the whole getup felt very… slapdash.

It was hard to hide my disappointment but I didn't want to spoil her evening by giving her the harsh truth. "You look witchy enough. All that's missing is the broom."

"And the cat."

"Not selling any aphrodisiacs today?"

"No, not this time," she chuckled. "But if you're not careful, I might just put a curse on you… and you'll fall in love with me forever and ever."

"But I am in love with you. We're going out, you know."

Eri rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Well, yeah, that's kinda the whole point. Did you have to explain the joke? Anyway, Shiki's waiting for us."

As we bundled into my car, I gave her a quick reminder. "I don't know how it'll be like at the party. If things don't look good, get outta there."

"I know."

"And if you have to kick some horny guy in the nuts, do it. Shatter that egg carton of his."

She giggled. "I had no idea you were so bloodthirsty, Neku. It's Halloween, I get it, but…"

"It's purely for self-defense," I said with a brief smirk. "I'm serious. Don't go on a kicking rampage and leave a trail of scrambled eggs in your wake, okay?"

"Hee hee… I'm going to have problems getting that image out of my head now."

In ten minutes we arrived at Shiki's apartment, ready to pick her up. Eri said she's gonna go dressed as a half-dragon Victorian maiden… Personally, I was curious to see what she'd look like. Maybe she'd have wings too? And a tail… oh no, that'd be too ambitious. Not to mention bulky. And if they detached by themselves you couldn't really justify that in any way.

Eri pressed the doorbell, and Shiki herself answered the door in three seconds. I immediately noticed the prosthetic horns on her head.

"Hi!" she said cheerily. "Wow, looking good, Eri."

"You too, Shiki! Actually, oh man… you really outdid yourself this time. Look at this outfit! It's crazy how fabulous it is!"

Shiki was all pimped out in a Victorian dress. The skirt portion was huge and went all the way to the floor – it's almost like she was wearing a parachute from the waist down! But there's no denying the level of detail in this thing. The lace and trimmings were skillfully done, as expected from someone as talented as her. The upper part was similar to a gown, complete with assorted sequins and sleeves that reached to the elbows. And the scoop neck teased at a hint of cleavage.

The girl looked resplendent. I should give her my compliments.

"Going all out, are we?" I said, with a smile. "Impressive."

"Thanks, you two." She beckoned us to head inside and closed the door behind us. "Listen, I'm almost ready to hit the road, but I need to do some minor tweaks to my dress."

Eri instinctively adjusted her own dress, reaching up to pluck at the hem. "What's wrong? You look fine as it is."

Growing embarrassed, Shiki admitted, "It's the… uh, it's the chest area. I need to, you know…"

Hearing that, my eyes gravitated towards exactly that part. It was sort of a natural reflex, but neither girl appreciated it. Shiki shrunk away, covering her bosom protectively, while Eri nudged me sharply in the elbow. Oof!

"I'm gonna give her a hand," said Eri, hustling her friend towards the nearest room. "You stay here and don't you dare move, okay, Neku?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I mean it. Move an inch and you'll regret it."

"I know it's Halloween, but you don't need to scare me that much!"

They disappeared into what I presumed was Shiki's bedroom, while I made myself comfortable on the sitting room couch. The sounds of her struggles could be heard through the walls. They must be pretty thin for me to be able to pick them up in the first place. Nothing I could make out, mind you.

Except for one weird part:

"Eri!" squeaked Shiki. "Gently, please!"

Just what the heck was going on in there? Vague sentences like that tended to lead to wild conclusions. Come on, Neku, have more trust in your girlfriend. Eri and Shiki are not like that.

And why were they taking so long anyway? I guess it's different when you're a girl. Well, to be precise, as long as you have two pyramids of flesh stuck to the front of your chest, you'd need to exercise a lot more caution with everything in general.

The fact that they had spent close to five whole minutes in there clued me in that not all was well. Purely out of concern, I went over to Shiki's bedroom door and rapped on it lightly.

"Hey, you two alright in there?" Absentmindedly, I continued, "Uh, you need help with anything?"

"Yeah," snapped Eri, "stay on the couch!"

"You guys have been in there for quite a while… I just thought I'd check up on you, is all."

"We appreciate the sentiment. But we're still kinda busy. We'll be done when we're done."

"When's that? Sorry, I know I sound pushy, but we don't exactly have a lot of time to spare. I gotta hurry to work too."

"We're almost there, trust me! But Shiki doesn't want her bra to show up on the back of her costume, so I'm helping to tape – "

"Enough!" squawked Shiki, panicking. "You don't need to tell him you're double-taping my breasts to the inside of my costume!"

"Uh…"

The silence that ensued was very awkward. That moment when you realize you've said something you shouldn't have… no words can describe the embarrassment.

Seeing that she'd dug her own grave, Shiki muttered, "Neku, go back to the couch already. Please."

"R-Right. Sorry."

"And while you're at it, find something to bash me in the head with."

"Um… no promises."

Then I ran.

XOXOXOXOXO

Having dropped the girls off at the venue of the party – some bungalow overflowing with people – I hurried over to WildKat, where I arrived scant minutes before it was time to start work.

The entire place had transformed. Halloween decorations were everywhere – plastic bats, paper ghosts, cardboard demons looking ready to pounce on you. The few other co-workers who were already there before me had put on various headwear to fit in with the spooky surroundings – masks, fake ears and the like.

Stuck on the front door was a sign proclaiming the biggest draw of the occasion:

HALLOWEEN DISCOUNT NIGHT

October 31, 20XX

17:00 – 22:00

It's the perfect time to be scared stiff! Enjoy a night of fun, good food and even greater discounts!

20% off all food items sold here!

30% if you arrive in costume!*

Additionally, for every purchase totaling more than 5000 yen, we'll throw in a box of our trademark onion rings, absolutely free!

Remember, this special offer is only available for a very limited time! So don't delay, get your spooky groove on and head over to WildKat now!

See you there, boils and ghouls!

*30% discount eligible only with full (head to toe) costumes. Subject to discretion.

This was the same advertisement I'd seen plastered in a corner of the page in the local newspaper for a whole week. Such good deals should get people running over, but there were few customers to be seen at the moment and the cafe felt empty. It's still early in the evening, though, so maybe the turnout would improve later.

I emerged from the changing room in my WildKat uniform to find Mr H waiting for me. He had that 'busy' look about him, like there was plenty of work that had to be done, which was exactly the case.

"Perfect timing, Phones," he said. "You're on cashier duty for now."

"I'm on it."

"Here. Wear this."

And he handed me a mask. It was one of those theatrical Hannya ones that used to scare me as a kid because of how frightening they looked. Of course they had no effect on me now, but there's no denying that they still looked formidable.

Shrugging, I slipped it onto my face and took a look in the mirror. I looked like a demon, and my orange hair certainly helped to make me look even more menacing. Hell, I probably even looked cool.

"Mr H," I said, "you sure this isn't gonna scare away the customers?"

"It probably might," he said, stroking his chin. "I think it's the hair. It makes you look like an actual demonic entity."

"My… hair?"

"Yeah… we might need to get rid of it. Bad for business, you know? I'll go get my shaver."

He turned to leave, but I grabbed him by the arm and didn't let him take another step.

"My hair stays," I said firmly, "and I'm not open to negotiation."

Mr H broke into a hearty laugh. "I'm just pullin' your leg, kid. Gave you a good scare though, didn't I?"

"…You got me there, I'll admit."

"Lighten up! Ain't Halloween without a jolt in the pants here and there, right? Now, off you go. There's work to be done, and don't forget how the discounts work tonight!"

As I ambled away, I called over my shoulder, "20% off everything, 30% for customers in costume. Purchases of 5000 yen and more net a box of onion rings."

"You got this, kid. Good luck out there."

The first hour was a fairly lazy one. I was certain everyone has seen WildKat's promotional Halloween ad by now, so why were there so few customers? And out of the lot of them, none of them was in costume. Then again, it must take lots of guts to show up wearing an outlandish outfit, so I could understand that. And at one point there was no one in the cafe. It was a weird feeling, to say the least.

The drought of customers bought me some time to observe the other cafes in the vicinity. I couldn't leave my post, but I could still see quite a lot through the windows from where I was. They had their own Halloween deals much like us, but they appeared to have the better setup. The outside decorations were prettier, and though I had no idea what kind of business plan they had up their sleeves, they seemed to be drawing in customers continuously. So that's where ours have been going…

When I took a break to relieve myself, I noted how listless my colleagues had become. Half of them had their faces obscured by masks, but their body language told me all I needed to know that they were bored out of their minds.

I was starting to feel the burn myself. If only we had some customers…

But you know what they say: be careful what you wish for.

If there was a genie listening in on my thoughts, he sure granted my wish, but it wasn't how I wanted it. A quartet of teenagers sauntered in, a guy with three girl groupies. And damn if they weren't the rowdiest bunch I'd seen in a while. Even before they found a place to sit, they were chatting amongst themselves non-stop and loudly at that. Just the type I hated. They were still our customers though, so we still had to respect them as such. At least I had a mask so I didn't need to force myself to smile for these chumps.

Speaking of which, all four of them were wearing masks too. Not full masks like mine, however. They were more like ballroom masks which only covered the top half of the face. You'd be forgiven for thinking they arrived in costume, but they didn't. They were wearing ordinary clothing; the only thing that was even remotely costume-like was their masks. Talk about lazy…

A co-worker of mine – the one with the clown mask – approached them to take their order. But the sole guy amongst them wasn't the nicest fellow, and threw an insult his way.

"What's with the stupid mask?" he jeered. "You look like such a clown." His posse of dumb broads cracked up like hyenas.

The co-worker stood his ground, ever the professional. Couldn't help feeling bad for the guy, though.

"May I take your order?"

But the mean customer – whom I shall dub The Bully – wasn't done having his fun yet. He barked, "Hey, can you do some tricks or something? You're a clown, right?"

"…I beg your pardon?"

"Well, juggle some balls! Do a funny dance! Smash a pie in your face! Do something! Ha ha ha!"

When his gang started laughing again, this was more than I could take. I stomped over to intervene.

"I'll take this one," I said to my colleague. "The guys back there need help with the garlic bread."

Glad that he didn't have to be at the mercy of these idiots, he scurried away and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Whoa, what's this?" sneered The Bully, eyebrows raised at me. "Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?"

Ignoring the ensuing laughter, I spoke clearly but firmly, "May I take your order?"

"Are you gonna spit fire or something? Come on, that half-baked clown didn't get to do crud. Give us a show!"

"…Sir, I'm sorry, but if you don't intend to place any orders, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

That caused them to clam up and their smiles to dissolve. Predictably, The Bully's mood soured. When he next spoke, he wasn't joking around.

"Yo, you think you can just order me around, hotshot? I'm the customer, man. And the customer is king. You gotta kowtow to me, and you know it."

He's correct in that customers needed to be treated with the utmost respect, but I didn't have to deal with his attitude problem. Still, there's no need for a shouting match. I had made my intentions clear; now it's time to step back and see if I could get on his good side.

"You're not wrong, sir," I said carefully. "We value our customers' happiness greatly."

"Damn straight," he huffed.

"However, WildKat is simply a cafe. We provide food, not entertainment. I'm sorry, but we cannot comply with your request."

The Bully was not amused, but also knew he wouldn't be going anywhere with his demands. "Fine, I was just joking anyway. What a letdown. Seriously, this place sucks."

His words made my blood boil, but I forced myself to keep calm. I visualized my anger as a piece of paper that I crumpled into a tiny ball and tossed into the dustbin. That seemed to help somewhat.

It didn't hurt that his gal pals were starting to pester him to order some food already. "Come on," groaned the one next to him, "I'm getting hungry."

"Okay, okay! Let's order something already!"

After that The Bully just got tired of being a pain in the rump seeing there was no fun to be had, and actually minded his own business for the rest of the evening. He and his gang were still pretty noisy with all of their chatter, but otherwise things were relatively peaceful again. They didn't even make any remarks when their food was brought to them. And as a bonus, the customers started to trickle in again. Not many, but better than nothing.

Then it was time for The Bully to pay up and the outrageous demands began again.

"Hold up," he said, glaring pointedly at the cash readout on the cash register. "That ain't right."

And here I thought everything had been settled nicely. Here we go again…

"What's wrong, sir?"

"You counted the bill wrongly! Do it again."

I was confident that I made no mistakes, but chose not to argue with him on an easily-resolved issue such as this. Besides, maybe I was wrong. I did as he requested, and much to my relief I got the same amount as the first time. However, he wasn't pleased and had what he felt was a good reason to be so.

"You didn't include the discount!" he insisted.

"I did. Look…"

And I did the calculations for him, one by one. It was when I got to the last step – discounting the total amount – that he pounced on my 'mistake'.

"The discount's only 20%! Look at us! Look at these masks we're wearing! We're all in costume, so it should be 30%!"

"Sir, I'm afraid you're mistaken. If you'll just look over here…" – I whipped out a copy of the advertisement and used it to aid in my explanation – "…indeed, it says you can get a 30% discount if you come in costume – "

"Then what's the problem?!"

"However, it also says the costume needs to be a full-sized one – that is to say, it's from head to toe. And, well, you're not wearing one. I'm afraid you're not eligible for the 30% discount."

He threw his hands up in disbelief and his raised voice caused the other patrons to stare. One of them even took out his cell phone and started to take a video of everything that was happening, presumably with the intention of uploading it onto the internet. It was a rightful little mess I'd found myself in. Oh well, let's see what we could do to salvage this slag heap of a situation.

"Then did we wear these stupid masks for nothing?!" Wow, talk about ironic.

He was so mad that he tore his mask off and crumpled it into a ball before spiking it into the floor. Smart move, bro! Now whoever's taking the video can capture your face in all of its glory. You'll be famous. What an idiot.

As for his outburst, I had nothing more to say than apologies. "I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid that's how it is."

"This is dumb! Now you give me my 30% discount or else!"

"I'm afraid that's not possible, sir. Those are the rules and conditions."

"Well, screw your rules and conditions! I want my discount!"

The Bully spent the next minute complaining and saying that he deserved his freaking discount. I actually didn't have much else to say. Not when I couldn't get a word in to begin with. Even the girls he was hanging out with started to look visibly uncomfortable with his attitude.

"It's always about the small print!" he ranted. "How are we supposed to see that? Do you seriously expect us to read every little detail?"

"Sir, I'm afraid the discount is still at 20%."

"Oh yeah? Well, you can just shove it, 'cuz I ain't paying!"

Wow, this was a real toughie. Can't say I've come across such a belligerent customer before.

"What's with that look?" he spat. "I'ma mess you up real bad if you don't give me what I deserve! You hear me, carrot boy?!"

Oh, that's it. Making fun of my hair now? Personal attacks like that will not be tolerated on my watch.

"Sir," I said, trying to maintain my calmness, "I'm afraid the 30% discount is still out of the question. However, I can arrange for an alternative."

He was all ears upon hearing that, although I could tell his stance on the whole discount issue stood firm. "Hmph… well then, talk already! I don't have all day! Make sure it's a good one though!"

"We can arrange for a blueberry pie; this one's free. How does that sound?"

It was an offer that he hesitated to pass up. WildKat's berry pies were well-known throughout this corner of Shibuya, and quite a number of people came here to order them. He'd have to be an idiot to forgo a free pie.

Eventually he caved in to the temptation. "Alright, alright. I'll take the damn pie. It sucks that I can't get that discount, but whatever, this works too. I knew you'd fold sooner or later."

That was splendid to hear. I mean, aside from all of the ranting I had to endure, the issue was resolved. As it so happened, we had one blueberry pie already pre-made and kept in the fridge. All we needed to do was to heat it up in the oven for a bit and it was ready for him and his girls to take home.

I brought it out in a box, and opened it up so to show The Bully that I had made good on my word.

"There you go," I said. "One blueberry pie, on the house."

"Whoa, nice!" He leaned in to take a whiff. "Maybe you ain't so stupid after all."

"Indeed."

Quick like lightning, I grabbed the box and shoved it upwards into his face while he was busy taking in its aroma. There was an audible squelch as both face and pie connected in a huge mess. He let out a garbled cry of surprise and instinctively reared back, losing his footing somehow. And then, like a scene right out of a slapstick comedy, he fell with his face smack dab in the middle of the bosom of one of his girl buddies. She screamed in disgust and shoved him away. Disoriented, he staggered around for a bit before planting his face back into the remnants of his free pie. This time, he lay still. Maybe he fainted.

The girls, in the meantime, left in a hurry, presumably to wash off the mess on the first one's shirt. The Bully was out of commission, a fact I took advantage of by decorating his head with a dollop of ice-cream. And a snarky quip.

"Happy Halloween… dumbass."

…At least, that's how I'd have liked it to go.

But no, that whole bit with the pie, starting from when he called me a "carrot boy", was entirely fabricated. It'd have been so cathartic if it actually happened. It didn't.

And he was still nagging my ears off.

"Yo, what's with you?!" he snarled. "I'm talking to you, man! You daydreaming or somethin'? I'm saying that I'm not paying!"

As much as I wanted to cave this guy's face in with a single punch, I tried once more to drill some sense into his head.

"Sir, that's not an option," I said. "Like it or not, it's illegal to dine and dash. Please pay up."

"Over my dead body!"

Still stubborn, are we? If that's how he wanted to play then I had little choice but to call Mr H over to handle the situation. Maybe the boss could give him a good metaphorical spanking and teach him how adults do things. But luck works in strange ways. One of the girls cut in before I could do anything. I recognized her as the one who sat next to him; presumably she was his girlfriend or something.

"Cut it out, y'all," she huffed, before asking me, "How much is it again?"

Momentarily thrown off-track by her participation in argument, I stumbled with my answer. "Um… the total amount with 20% discount included is 3850 yen."

Without another word, she reached into her handbag and pulled out her purse. When The Bully saw that she was attempting to pay, he chided her harshly.

"Whoa, whoa, what're you up to? This guy didn't even give us the full discount and you're paying?"

But she just ignored him and gave me a handful of bills totalling 4000 yen. Finally! That took long enough! Make no mistake, she's still not a good person in my book seeing as she made fun of my co-worker, but at least she knows to pay up when you need to.

Meanwhile, The Bully had the thoughtfulness to provide background noise of the worst kind: his incessant complaining.

"The hell's your problem?" he scolded the girl. "Don't you know a scam when you see one?"

I handed back the girl her change and, finally fed up with his childish behavior, she told him off. But there was no screaming match to be found here. She just sighed and said, calm as a breeze:

"Quit it, okay? You're so annoying. Oh, and consider yourself dumped."

That put a satisfying end to The Bully's tirade. Agape with shock, he squawked, "What?" Yeah, like a parrot. It was kinda funny.

"C'mon, girls, let's ditch this guy and go get some drinks."

And that's exactly what they did. He scrambled after them, calling out, "Yo, wait up, baby! What do you mean, you're dumping me?! You can't do that to me!"

As they left, I did the usual. Cheerily.

"Please come again!"

Peace returned to WildKat. Good riddance.

It's nice to know that sometimes bad guys get their just desserts and life is good.

And I didn't even need to waste a pie.

XOXOXOXOXO

One more hour to go till we closed for the night. I was assigned to the kitchen now, with someone else taking my place at the front. Still not a whole lot of patrons, if the lot of us running out of dishes to do was any indication. It's pretty sad when you get to the point where, to stave off the boredom, you and your colleagues are deciding who gets to do the next set of dishes. With rock-paper-scissors.

Then a colleague who kept losing and not getting the chance to do anything protested that the whole system was unfair, and we decided that we should take turns after all. You know, like normal people.

At any rate, I don't think we were supposed to get this few customers… At least I didn't need to keep wearing the mask. It could get stuffy underneath.

Just then, my phone vibrated in my pocket. A certain pink-haired girl was calling me.

I excused myself and ducked into a corner to answer the call.

"'Sup, Eri."

"Uh, Neku?" She sounded distraught. "If it's not too much trouble, could you pick us up now?"

"What happened? Is the party over?"

"No, it's still going. But everyone's drunk and being stupid! People are hitting on each other left and right and even the hostess is smashed. Heck, she's in her underwear and going round mooning the other guests… Look, the point is, it's real crazy over here. We gotta get out of this joint, now."

I was alarmed, but reminded myself to stay calm. "Is it that bad?"

Suddenly, Shiki's voice shrieked over the line at somebody, as though in response to my question. "Get away from me! And pull your pants up!"

Eri deadpanned, "Bad enough for you?"

That was all I needed to gauge the situation. "You two stay put and get away from everyone. I'll try and convince Mr H to let me off early."

I rushed into Mr H's office where he was in the midst of a phone call. He held up his hand, silently instructing me to wait. Knowing that my friends were in a tight spot, I began to grow uneasy, not helped by the fact that he was taking his time with that call.

"Alright, I understand," he said. "We'll go over that in more detail tomorrow."

I walked right up to his desk as soon as he hung up. "Mr H? I got a favour to ask of you."

"A favour? Heh, well, that depends on one thing." He rubbed two fingers together in the universal gesture for money. Unfortunately I wasn't in the right mood to appreciate his joke.

"Eri's in trouble, Mr H. Her and Shiki… they're at a party right now, but it's getting pretty wild and they want to leave."

He steepled his fingers and leaned back in his chair, which made a creaky noise as it bore his weight. Unsure of what to make of what I said, he pressed for more information.

"Phones, you look like you're in a hurry. But if you don't tell me from the beginning I won't know what's going on."

I summarized everything that Eri had told me. Even when he had been clued in on the seriousness of the situation, he never broke his mask of calmness. Didn't even frown a little.

"Please, Mr H. I won't take long. I just need to grab the girls and make sure they're safe, then I'll be back here in a hurry. I promise."

Ever the poster boy for cool-headedness, he leaned forward and, with his fingers still steepled, gave me his thoughts on the matter.

"You know I have no way of knowing if that's the truth, do you? Besides, it's still well within working hours and you don't get off for another 45 minutes."

His words took me aback. I thought he'd be more understanding. Then again, I was making an unusual request out of the blue.

"I swear it's the truth. The girls need help real bad, and it doesn't look like they can wait till I finish my shift. Please, Mr H? This is an emergency."

"Hmmm…" He still looked unsure. What else could I say to convince him?

"I promise this is a one-time thing. I won't ever need to ask this of you again."

Slowly, his lips curled up into a curious smile. "You can be surprisingly impulsive, you know that, Phones? You remind me of myself when I was younger. I'm not necessarily saying that's a bad thing, mind you. It just took me back, that's all."

I had no idea what to make of that. But I didn't need to think too deeply about it at any rate, because…

"Go on, Phones. I'll allow it this time."

I gasped. "Really? Thanks, Mr H! I owe you one!"

"I'll hold you to that," he chuckled.

Brimming with gratitude, I did a quick bow. I was about to turn and bolt out of the office when I suddenly had an idea.

"By the way, Mr H," I said, holding up my mask, "can I hold onto this for a bit?"

XOXOXOXOXO

Adrenaline pumping through every vein in my body, I drove as fast as I could manage without breaking the law. Every second I took getting to my destination increased the chances of something potentially unsavory happening to Eri and Shiki. Images straight out of a nightmare scenario filled my head: the girls with their costumes in tatters, being advanced upon by a gang of drunkards…

No, not happening! I just needed to get them out of there. I was even prepared to fight if push came to shove.

My heartbeat rose to a crescendo as the bungalow where the party was held loomed into view. The sounds of chatter and laughter reached my ears well before I'd even parked my car at the front gate. It sounded like a real mess even from outside; I dared not think what it was like inside… Wait for me, girls. I'll get you outta there in a jiffy –

Hang on… wasn't there a bouncer? The hostess had hired this gorilla of a dude to guard the entrance. I saw him when I dropped the girls off earlier. He must be at least six feet tall! And he was totally ripped, muscles bulging all over the place… like if he flicked his finger into your forehead you'd be sent flying across the street. How would I get inside with him in the way? He didn't look like he could be swayed with a bribe or –

Okay, never mind. I didn't need to worry about the bouncer at all. He's drunk too. Passed out on the veranda and sleeping like a baby. I had to step over him to get to the front door. What a farce this party was turning out to be. At least that's one hurdle overcome, and I didn't even need to lift a finger.

The mask that Mr H gave me came in handy. I put it on, and with my face concealed, maybe people won't realize I wasn't on the guest list.

I twisted the doorknob… and there were no words for the scene before my eyes. Okay, fine, there's one thing I could say: it's a cruddy mess.

The entire house reeked of alcohol. The stench was so thick it felt like a solid object. And there were costumed drunkards all over the damn place: some were passed out in couches and chairs, while others were making fools of themselves. I saw a guy who had stuck chopsticks into his nostrils, laughing up a storm and singing the theme song to a children's TV show. Was there not a single sober person in here?

More importantly, I had yet to find Eri and Shiki. Where were they?

Amidst the drunken racket was a girl's voice that stood out crisply.

"I'm warning you," she growled. "One more step closer and I'll break you in half!"

That warning was met with uproarious laughter. Well, now I knew where Eri was. I pushed my way past the crazies into another part of the house and there she was, with a traumatized Shiki clinging onto her. They were being harassed by a trio of goons, all aptly dressed as comic book supervillains. Trapped, they had no way to escape from their clutches and Eri looked ready to start kicking groins in. That would be a sight to see, but I had other plans.

"Come on, babe," said one slobbering creep, "we ain't gonna take too much time."

The second one – a rotund fellow – slurred, "Heh heh, yeah. Girls like you aren't easy to find. And you fell into our laps!"

The third one started making slurping noises as he slowly advanced towards the girls, who shrank away from him. Oh, that guy's gonna get it.

I grabbed his shoulder from behind and spun him round. Good god, this guy looked the most wasted of the lot, what with his glazed eyes and dribbling mouth. When he addressed me, he couldn't even look straight.

"Wha…? Who you s'pposed to be?"

I now had the full attention of the three drunkards. Eri and Shiki were looking at me with puzzled expressions, as though trying to figure out who I was, or rather suspecting I was who they thought, but not being completely sure of it. Either way I had some control of the situation at hand.

These guys were so inebriated it's quite possible to get away with anything. Hmmm… how about…

"Yo man, we busy. Who are you?"

And I brazenly answered, "…Your mother."

Even with these guys as addled in the head as they were, the last thing I expected to work was that. And at least for this dude, it did.

"Ma?!" said the third guy, panicking. "Whoa, chill out… it ain't past curfew, is it? I haven't done anything wrong, Ma, I just – "

"Go. To. Bed."

He hung his head in shame and muttered, "Yes, Ma." Then, to my pleasant surprise, he shambled away. The girls couldn't believe it either, if their gaping mouths were any indication. Well, that was easy. But what about the other two?

"Hey," snarled the first guy, "I don't care if you're someone's mum or not, but you spoil our fun, and you gonna get it!"

So the two remaining guys sized me up, ready to pick a fight. Hmmm. Not gonna be that easy with them, it'd seem. But I could be a quick wit.

"Hey now," I said, "no need for violence. How about a race?"

The girls looked at me in horror at first, but I winked at them to signal that everything would be all right. Then I suddenly remembered that I was wearing a mask and they couldn't see my eyes that clearly anyway. They'd just have to trust me on this one.

"Whaddya mean?"

"Five laps round the house," I said. "Whoever wins gets the prize."

Shiki started to protest, "You can't – "

But she was cut off by the two guys. "What? Five laps? Are you kidding? We'll do ten laps, no problem!"

"It's settled, then," I said with a nod. "Ten laps. Come on, all of you. Let's take this outside."

The two guys stumbled out the front door, and I followed them, weaving past all of the other people. The girls joined me too. They didn't look very convinced that this was going to work in their favour. But I gave Eri a reassuring squeeze on the arm and muttered, "It'll be okay."

"N-Neku? It's you, right?"

I chose to remain silent and approached the two drunkards, who had assembled at a random spot outside. They could barely stand straight.

"A'ight, ten laps, you say?" The first guy was feeling confident. "I'll have ya know, I used to do track and field back in school! You ain't got a chance, pal!"

"Let's withhold judgment for when the winner is decided, shall we?"

The three of us stood in a horizontal line with the girls waiting near the gate.

"On three," I barked, causing the other guys to tense up. "One… two…

"Three!"

As soon as I pronounced the word, the two guys zipped off as fast as their wobbly legs could take them. They turned a corner and were gone from sight. As for me, I just marched in place like a soldier, not budging an inch.

An incredulous Eri spluttered, "Wh-What are you doing, you idiot?!"

"Relax…"

The other two guys were coming back from the other end of the house. They overtook me easily, even taunting, "Oi! You aren't even trying!"

However, no sooner did they pass by me than they slowed to a halt. They keeled over and emptied the contents of their stomachs onto the driveway.

Just as planned. Running while drunk was an easy way to get sick. You know how they keep telling you not to drink and drive? High time there's a rule that says not to drink and run.

"Show's over, ladies," I said to my friends. "Come on."

With the idiots out of commission and busy puking their guts out, I herded the girls towards my car and we wasted no time getting in, all of us breathing a collective sigh of relief.

I took the mask off as the girls showed their gratitude.

"Thanks, Neku," said Shiki. "You really saved us back there."

"Yeah, thanks." Eri then switched gears and chided me, "That said, you didn't have to do that stupid race thing, Neku. I knew you had a plan in mind but you could've just let me kick their balls off and it'd be all done, quick and easy."

I didn't reply to that and instead threw a deadpan remark her way, "I take it you two didn't enjoy the party."

Both girls groaned their displeasure. "Like heck we did!" said Shiki. "It was a complete disaster! Please, just get us out of here already."

"You got it."

And I swerved back out onto the street, leaving the accursed party behind us. I listened to the girls complain. They were rightfully incensed.

"That was the worst party ever," proclaimed Eri. "Why did I even think it was a good idea in the first place? I shouldn't have gone there."

"Sorry to hear that," I said. "You couldn't have known."

"There wasn't anything to eat," said Shiki.

"What?" This left me aghast. "No food at a party? For real?"

"Actually, there was, but there was too little of it, and the other guests snatched it all away. So we didn't get anything."

"And halfway through," continued Eri, "the hostess had the bright idea of replacing all of the water and juice with beer. Well, you saw how that went…"

"We're hungry and thirsty… You don't happen to have any water on you, do you, Neku?"

"Sorry, I don't have anything…"

But at that moment, I had a bright idea.

"Hang on, I know where we can get some real food and drinks…"

XOXOXOXOXO

I was back at WildKat, striding through the front door with the girls in tow. They were still in costume, which got the full attention of the entire patronage. Understandably, Shiki was a little shy, but Eri didn't mind the attention.

Mr H was standing at the counter; presumably, he was helping to hold down the fort while I was gone. He whistled approvingly when he saw the girls' costumes.

"Now that's a breath of fresh air," he said. "And you're back sooner than I thought, Phones. I take it your little rescue mission was a success."

"Sure was," I said with a grin. "I had to deal with a bunch of drunkards, but they weren't too bad."

Eri snorted, "'A bunch'? Embellishing your little tale, are we, Neku?"

"Come on, don't be a killjoy. Let me have my moment in the spotlight."

Mr H laughed. "Sounds like a story you'll be telling me some time. But for now, Phones, get suited up. We still have twenty more minutes till we close up for the night. As for you ladies, sit your fine selves here and get comfortable, and I'll have someone take your order in a minute."

I called over my shoulder as I left for the changing rooms, "You two just order whatever. It's my treat tonight."

Shiki blinked at me, overcome with surprise. "For real? No strings attached? No hidden clause?"

"Nope. No small print to read either."

"This is Neku we're talking about," said Eri. "He may lie through his nose about his heroics but he's still a decent guy at heart."

"That your idea of a compliment? I'll take it."

Famished beyond reason, the girls tore through the snacks we fixed up for them. Even though they couldn't spend a lot of time since it was already close to closing up shop, they looked much happier than they did when I found them at the party. It's not often that you get to be a hero, so I was feeling pretty good myself. And the 30% discount I got since they were in full costume was the cherry on top of the sundae.

Some hiccups notwithstanding, I'd say tonight wasn't too bad at all.

XOXOXOXOXO

Upon returning home, I made a beeline for the bathroom with Eri in tow. Even with the two of us naked and scrubbing each other's backs, it was hard to feel turned on. We were that exhausted.

As I worked on her shoulders, I muttered, "Man, I'm beat."

Eri mumbled, "You're not Beat. You're Neku."

"I didn't mean – ah, never mind."

When it was time to soak in the bathtub, we just sat there all limp and listless, like our souls had been sucked out. Fitting description, given that it's Halloween. At least we could still talk a bunch.

"You said the party would be like a mixer," I said. "A nice little mixer… What happened?"

Eri shrugged. "Hey, come on, how was I supposed to know it'd turn out like that? I knew there'd be booze, but I didn't think it'd get that bad."

"That's why I always give these things a wide berth. You never know what the partygoers are capable of."

"All I wanted was a little fun. This is our last chance before the final exams."

"Nothing wrong with a spot of fun, Eri. But just watch the crowds you're mingling with. If you're not careful, you could have a brawl on your hands. Or an orgy. That works too. Look, I'm just saying you girls were pretty lucky, considering. Next time, stick to the tea parties, huh?"

Eri stretched her arms and laid back against the opposite end of the tub. "You're right, Neku. I was… careless. It coulda been bad."

"You have no idea how worried I was for you two."

"Sorry… I won't do it again." With a wistful smile she mused, "We just have a few more months before the semester ends. I was hoping to enjoy myself a little before we graduate, you know? Once we enter the workforce, we won't be able to goof around as much anymore."

"True." I bit my lip, daunted by the future. Trying to lighten the mood, I joked, "But if you really want to goof around, we could always hop into bed and go bananas."

"Your banana with my donut. Best party ever." She broke into a laugh. "Wow, I didn't think I'd actually say that."

"Oh, trust me, you say stuff much worse than that all the time."

"Heh, I know. I'm such a pro like that."

We laid back in silence for a while. Slowly but surely the ache in my arms was fading away, like it was seeping into the water. It was such a peaceful moment that I was tempted to fall asleep on the spot, though doing that in a bathtub where I was liable to slip beneath the water was a recipe for trouble.

"Neku," said Eri, "before I forget, I just wanted to thank you for plucking us away from that party. And for treating us to dinner."

I gave her a small smile. I'd have given her a bigger one but I was too exhausted to work those facial muscles.

"You didn't forget. You already thanked me. And like I said, don't mention it."

"But I can't just leave it like this," she protested. "Not after what you've done for us. I'll think of something to repay the favour."

"You don't need to – "

"I insist! You won't regret it, I promise. Just gimme some time to prepare, okay?"

She gave me a big wink to emphasize the finality of her decision. There's no arguing my way out of this one now.

Ah… she's too damn cute.

XOXOXOXOXO

November 1 came and went like any other day. Classes, work… the usual. Looking at how normal everything was, it's almost hard to believe I went through so much yesterday. I didn't mind the buzz with the costumes, but Halloween was a bit too eventful in my opinion.

At any rate, the first thing I noticed when I returned home was how dark it was inside. The interior was pitch black. Had Eri gone to sleep?

I fumbled for the light switch, while keeping my eyes trained on the inky blackness…

When the lights came on, a figure covered in a black cloak stood right in front of me, startling the bejesus out of my entire being. If it weren't for my hand on the wall where the light switch was, I might have lost my balance and toppled over.

"Who are you?!" I spluttered. "How did you get inside my house?"

"Pfft…"

"Wh-What's with you?"

"Ha ha ha…!"

The mysterious stranger shrugged his cloak off to reveal his true form… a form no mortal on this plane could ever hope to comprehend…

"Eri?" I squeaked. "What's with that getup?"

Bereft of her cloak, she stood there giggling. "Like what you see?"

She's wearing some kind of costume… There were horns and a tail, so I guess she's supposed to be a devil or something. But damn if it wasn't revealing! It was practically a purple bikini, except the two pieces it was comprised of were so tiny it bordered on ridiculous. The top was strapless and didn't hide a whole lot. The bottom, on the other hand, was slung so low on her hips that the upper half of her buttocks were in full display, and of course that was a non-issue for her. I bet all she needed was to give her hips a good shake and it'd slip right off.

Did I like it, she asked? Good god, I loved it.

"Wow," I whistled, "is that even legal?"

"Of course not," she said, striking a pose. "That's why I'm wearing it at home."

"If this is what people wear in hell, this is a fantastic time to be a bad person."

She laughed. "I take it you like the outfit, then."

"Very much so."

"Hee hee… I don't make promises I don't keep, you know."

"Huh? What promise?"

She stared at me with raised eyebrows, like I'd said something weird. "Don't tell me you forgot all about it? I made a point to pay you back for what you did for myself and Shiki yesterday, knight in shining armour that you are…"

It clicked. "Oh, that? W-Well, you didn't need to do this… but since you've come this far, I just want to say I really appreciate it."

Eri beamed like the sun. "That's more like it! Come on, I got some cake from the shop downstairs. Let's share it, why don't we?"

She grabbed my wrist with two gloved hands and led me to the living room where we acquainted ourselves with a smooth and delicate cheesecake. Good stuff. After a day's hard work, it's nice to sit back and relax and be in the company of my beautiful girlfriend.

I noticed Eri looking at me in a weird way.

"Something the matter?"

"You got cake on your cheek, Neku."

"Oh, okay." I reached up to pick it off, but she grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"Wait. Allow me," she said, with a seductive giggle. "It'll be more fun this way."

Eri leaned in and pressed her tongue against my face, licking the cake off. She really took her time too; if I didn't know better, I'd have thought she wanted to eat me.

"Done."

But the intense stare I found myself subject to told me she wasn't. And I was right.

"Oh, hold on. You got some on your mouth too. Let me get that for you."

All just an excuse, of course. She wasted no time nibbling on my lips and I returned the favour in kind. Damn, she's so hot. She even went so far as to sit on my lap so we could kiss each other's faces off more comfortably. As the mouth-to-mouth action intensified, we found our hands going places they normally would not go. Mine loved caressing the outline of her half-exposed backside. Hers reached underneath my shirt, fingers gliding over my chest. We actually almost forgot about the cake altogether. It was only when she remembered, in the midst of our heated kissing, that we stopped.

"The cake!" she gasped, our mouths bridged by a sagging string of saliva. "We gotta finish it. It's not gonna wait for us!"

This sudden development left me disappointed, but I did my best to laugh it off. "You still owe me a big kiss."

"Relax, Neku. I won't keep you high and dry for long. Ah, before I forget…"

She grabbed her cell phone off the coffee table. I knew what she was up to.

I took a guess. "Selfie time?"

"Yup, gold star for you!"

As Eri sidled over and got into position for the shot, I remarked, "Another shot for the photo album, huh?"

"Absolutely!" She held out the phone at arm's length, then mused aloud, "Wow, if I take the photo at just the right angle, from the shoulders up, it'll look like I'm naked. Ooh, idea! Take off your shirt, Neku. That way when people look at this photo they'll be like, 'Hot darn, did you two have this taken after you made like rabbits in heat?'"

I cast a wry glance at her. "If you intend to stick that into the album… forget it."

She sniggered. "Aww, take a joke! I won't do that! Besides, you know that if I do take photos like these, they go in the 'SEXY STUFF' folder in my laptop. Alongside my naked selfies."

"Goodness, you make it sound like you've hoarding a porn stash in your computer."

"Nah, I keep my porn in my external hard drive."

"What?!"

"Kidding!" And she playfully jabbed me on the cheek with her finger. "I'm a good girl, you know. I don't do porn."

"For a good girl, you sure got your mind firmly stuck in the gutter."

"Hee hee… And you have a problem with that?"

"Hell no, you make life a lot more interesting that way."

"True that! So… are we taking that selfie?"

"Sure, let's do it."

"Great! Now take off your shirt."

"Not that selfie!"

"Pfft… Heh!"

Our photo album was a weighty trove from all of the photos we'd taken over the years. Now, it was one photo heavier.