Chapter 79
Tegan had a great week further. She was in great spirits continued making vast improvements every day. She worked extremely hard during her therapy sessions and could feel herself getting stronger every day. Kate was very happy with her progress and she was soon allowed to move around more and get rid of the monitors and IV. Tegan ignored what she saw between Kate and Sara that morning, telling herself she was imagining things. Kate and Sara seemed to be avoiding each other like the plague after a fight about Sara's physical therapy sessions for her hand. Sara did concede and started her sessions again. It frustrated her and she was moody and distant as a result. The future scared her.
Sara and Emy's relationship was taking strain. Emy was working herself to a standstill and Sara refused to share her feelings of anxiety and fear with her resulting in them not talking much. Sex remained unbelievably hot though. It was Sara's release and Emy seemed happy to be used. One evening after a particularly steamy sex session Emy turned on here side and sighed. "I love making love to you" said Sara kissing her neck. "We're not making love Sara... we're fucking" said Emy. The words felt like daggers into Sara's heart but deep down she knew it was true and it killed her. She cried herself to sleep, wishing the relationship to magically be fixed, to be what they both thought it would. What they both longed for. It felt as if it was slowly slipping out of her grasp...
Tegan and Sara were sitting in Erin's music room trying to get back into their musical groove. Everybody else was banned from entering. After failing a few times at a chord progression Sara shouted a loud "Fuck!" and put the guitar down next to her. She started pacing up and down with her head thrown back and her hands in her sides. "Talk to me Sar... what's going on in your head" said Tegan. "Fuck this fucking injury! I just can't get my fingers to do what I want them to do" said Sara frustrated. Tegan looked at her with empathy on her face. "Well... I can't sing more than one song without being out of breath... so fuck this illness too" she said seriously. "Dammit Tee... what are we going to do... We need to pull ourselves together" said Sara seriously. Tegan just looked at her as if in a daze. "Oy! Snap out of it" said Sara. Tegan shook her head "We... we just need to keep working at it... we'll get there" sighed Tegan. "Ever the optimist Tee..." said Sara and shook her head. "I'm not giving up on music Sar... it's my passion and I fucking promise you, we will be back and we will be better than ever... We will claw our way back but we'll do it... Come on... don't be negative... We're rushing things and you know it Sar" said Tegan calmly. "They told us there's no permanent damage to your hand. It just needs time" said Tegan. Sara was opening and closing her problematic hand staring out in front of her. "Time we don't have... We can't be out of the game too long Tee... this industry is fickle... I don't want us to lose all of the momentum we've created with this album. They can't forget about us" said Sara seriously. "I know... we just need to work with what we've got" said Tegan tinkering with her guitar. "What do you mean?" said Sara. "I mean... we're not on radio right now with a new single because there's no single to play right now... They are however playing the shit out of our old stuff... They want more... We're about as hot as two conked up gaylords can be... What about bringing out an EP with previously unreleased tracks?" said Tegan. "Ha... you make me laugh... I don't know... those songs didn't make it onto the albums for a reason..." said Sara. "Yeah and that reason was usually because they didn't fit with the rest of the album... not because they were bad?" said Tegan. "The days of working an album are gone Sar... you work singles. I still think some of our best work by far has not been released" said Tegan still tuning without looking up. "Maybe... I don't know" said Sara softly. "Point is that we're not exactly in the place where we can work a single either" said Sara. "Why not?" questioned Tegan. "It's hard work Tegan... It's physically and emotionally draining. Promoting it will be a nightmare. You're not ready for that." said Sara. "I'm ready... we'll tone it down a bit but we can do it" said Tegan. "Or... if we're desperate... we can stay in the public eye... let's face it... what happened to us in the last few months... you know... people would be interested in it." said Sara. "I'm not selling this shitty story" said Tegan. "I'm not saying we sell it... There's no way I'll SELL it. I'm saying we TELL the story... I'm fucking pissed off with the hundred versions of the story out there right now... and people believe any kind of crap... We can't sue all of them. Wish we could though. Fucking made up rubbish to sell magazines... But... If we tell the true version the press can stop making shit up because the public would have heard the truth and let's face it... we'll be on everybody's lips." said Sara. "I guess... it's gonna come out some time... I just... I wish we had the luxury of privacy but since we don't... maybe we should ride it. You're right... we can't lose too much momentum" said Tegan. "Let's sleep on our ideas... Because we need make peace with our limitations right now and come up with a plan, I need to secure a future for my family Sar. Shit's getting real" said Tegan seriously. "I hear you Tegan" said Sara.
"Time to think out of the box" said Tegan. She winked at Sara and moved over to the piano. Sara smiled. She knew Tegan liked to play piano when she was creatively blocked up or had a problem she needed to think through. Tegan moved her head to each of her shoulders to loosen her neck muscles. She closed her eyes and breathed deep. She pressed a few random notes and started playing Chopin's Prelude #4 in E Minor perfectly. Sara's mouth fell open as she stared at her sister losing herself in the incredible piece of music. She was an incredible pianist. It was pure and beautiful and it brought tears to Sara's eyes. Without missing a beat at the end of the song Tegan moved on to Bach's keyboard Concerto in D Minor.
Tegan felt so alive as she felt the piano vibrate under her fingers. She remembered suddenly how much she loved playing the piano although she still preferred guitar. Piano gave her a certain release that guitar didn't, it somehow engaged a different part of her brain and it always put her on a creative high. She played with her eyes closed, she didn't need the sheet music for these pieces anymore, she knew them so well. Images entered her mind. She didn't understand them... Images of incredible beauty, feelings of peace and contentment. She smiled. Her face changed suddenly and she frowned. Sara wondered why because she was playing every note perfectly. She suddenly hit some wrong notes and her eyes opened. The piano formed random notes as Tegan put her elbows on the keys and her head in her hands. She breathed deep. "Tegan? Everything okay?" asked Sara concerned. Tegan nodded and started playing the same piece from the start. Her facial muscles contracted as if she was remembering something painful. It scared Sara. She got up and stood beside Tegan. "Tegan... it's okay" she said softly and put her hand on her arm to stop her playing. Tegan yanked her arm away and started from scratch. "Leave me alone" said Tegan as she played. Sara frowned and stepped back. She didn't leave the room. The piece finished and Sara let out a sigh of relief. Tegan started playing the very same piece again... Sara was perplexed. She played it again... and again... "Tegan! Stop it now! What's up with you!" said Sara and put her hand on Tegan's. Tegan seemed to snap out of her haze. She looked up at Sara looking stunned. She swallowed hard. "I remember Sar... I remember everything..." she whispered. "Remember what Tegan?" asked Sara confused. Tegan stayed quite for a few seconds before whispering "Dying".
A/N: Do try and listen to those two classical pieces. You can find the Bach one on the 50 Shades of Grey classical album - track number 2. Weird chapter I guess... review please.