The four boys climbed into Two-Bit's car and headed to the track. Soda leaned against the passenger car door with his stomach in knots. His feelings crawled all around him and made him feel nauseous. If Steve saw him there, he'd plant another one to his other cheek, Soda just knew it. He'd go all out on Soda for doing what he did at the garage. Soda wouldn't blame him either. He knew he was in the wrong. How he was feeling wasn't natural. It wasn't okay. Two-Bit, Pony, and Johnny didn't know the real reason Steve did this to begin with, but they could tell Soda was in distress. They thought it was just all Sandy-related stuff, which wasn't a complete lie since Sandy did lead to this. All Soda knew was that he wanted to get out of the car before everyone saw him. Everyone had to know by now. He was ready to open the door, fall out, and hopefully end up in a hospital for a while until he got over these homosexual feelings, if he could. Even Steve hitting him didn't change how Soda felt. He still wanted Steve more than anything. He didn't want anyone else in the world. The one person he desired though, hated him. And that was killing Soda each and every minute.
The track was full. The last experience Soda had at the races was hugging Steve a little too tight and then Steve questioning the actions later on. Socs were there again too. If they knew what was going on with Soda, he was really about to get his ass kicked. He wouldn't be able to depend on Two-Bit, Johnny, or even Ponyboy to defend him either. He assumed anyone who found out was going to hate his guts, including them. Many people were drinking before any races started. Some people were already lining up their cars. The boys exited the car and started walking around keeping an eye open for Steve or his car. Soda stayed rather close to Two-Bit as Pony and Johnny freely walked in front of them. "We are going to go watch. The first race is about to start," Pony announced as him and Johnny walked closer to the track.
"Don't go too far," Two-Bit waved them off. He was glad the younger greasers decided to enjoy the races instead of getting involved with anything else. He assumed Pony wanted to find out what happened to his brother, but wasn't brave enough to actually approach Steve about it.
Two-Bit and Soda walked around the area and finally spotted Steve sitting on the hood of his car. Soda spotted another greaser sitting on the hood with him and they were in conversation. His stomach was dropping, only imagining what Steve was saying to the greaser. As Steve noticed Soda and Two-Bit, he hopped off his car and waved the other greaser away.
"He's still not happy," Soda quietly said towards Two-Bit.
"I don't care," Two-Bit said continuing to walk forward. Soda hesitantly followed as Steve crossed his arms.
"What do you guys want?" Steve asked.
"What do you think we want Steve? Whatever Soda did to tick you off needs to be moved on from. You hit him, he feels bad, it's over," Two-Bit said as Soda stared at the ground. He felt tears forming in his eyes as he glanced at Steve and felt his hatred sink in.
"No, this is not over," Steve gritted.
"Steve stop with the bullshit grudge," Two-Bit said, "This is not how best friends work, this is not how greasers work. We stick by one another, we forgive each other's mistakes. We move on. You don't have to tell me what happened, you both obviously don't want to get into the details. I'm trying to help you get on from it though."
Before Steve could respond, Soda stepped forward and began speaking rapidly before tears could escape his eyes. "Steve please, I hate myself for what I did. It will never, never happen again, I swear! I am so sorry, I have never been sorrier for anything in my life because it's making me lose my best friend. Let's just forget about everything I said today and what I did. Please Steve, please!" Soda begged as he walked towards Steve.
Steve's eyes went cold. Soda's heart stopped beating at the sight. His words did nothing. In fact, Soda could tell Steve wasn't only going to deny his plea, he was going to make him wish he never begged. "No! I won't forget it, and I don't want to be around you anymore."
"Steve, what is..." Two-Bit was going to try to intervene, but got cut off.
"Now get away from me you fucking faggot!"
Soda froze in his steps. Those were not the words he expected to come out of Steve's mouth. He turned around and saw the expression on Two-Bit's face. It wasn't that Two-Bit got what Steve meant by that, but he was shocked that Steve would use that term towards Soda.
"Steve, what the fuck is wrong with you! What is wrong with you? I cannot believe what you are doing!" Two-Bit barked backing Steve up against his car. Soda felt himself panic. He was truly believing Two-Bit could take a fist to Steve at that moment.
Steve straightened himself up and sized up to Two-Bit. He said in a low voice, "Well that's what he is. Your 'friend' kissed me right on the mouth today." Two-Bit turned and looked over at Soda trying to comprehend what Steve had just said. "Now maybe you understand," Steve snarled as he got into his car and drove off.
Soda was beginning to hyperventilate. Tears flowed own his cheeks as his breathing became uneven. He backed away from Two-Bit and slowly sank to the ground. He began heaving, waiting to vomit all over the dirt. Two-Bit now knew, and Soda was preparing himself to get kicked in the face for it. Two-Bit was going to go around and tell everyone what Soda was, based on Steve's terms. Steve was probably doing that right now. Everyone would know by tomorrow, and Darry would kick him out of the house for the sake of Ponyboy's safety. Soda would be kicked out of town by everyone if he wasn't killed first.
Soda just sat and looked up at everyone. Some were ignoring his heavy crying on the ground, and some looked over with confusion. He just waited for the worst from Two-Bit. He waited for a group of people to come kick his ass. Steve could be gathering people and Two-Bit would be ready to help. The worst visions were flooding Soda's head.
Soda brought his knees up and buried his face. He wanted to die. He wanted to disappear and be gone. Two-Bit dropped down to the ground and surprised Soda by pulling him close. "Easy Soda, easy," Two-Bit soothed, "Just relax. It's okay." Soda didn't comprehend what was happening at the moment. He was helped to his feet by Two-Bit and began walking.
The two greasers had helped themselves to an area far from the track and from other people. Soda cried, heaved, and slightly vomited against a tree. Two-Bit felt bad seeing him like this. He felt really bad for hearing the truth out of an angry Steve, instead of a trusted Sodapop. When Soda got the cries to calm and his breathing to be more even, he felt exhausted and just wanted to sleep. He was too tired to cry anymore, too tired to be scared of what Two-Bit was thinking right now, and too tired to worry what he would do about it.
"How are you feeling?" Two-Bit asked.
"Really tired," Soda practically whispered, closing his eyes as he leaned against a tree.
"I'm sure," Two-Bit looked off into the distance. He had a good eye on Ponyboy and Johnny. He didn't trust Steve around them right now. "Is it okay if I ask you some questions?" Soda responded with a shrug. "I'm not mad Soda, I don't hate you, and I don't think any differently of you. Just know that first, okay? I just want to help." Soda paused for a minute before nodding his head. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Two-Bit.
"When did this start? Right after Sandy left?"
"No," Soda replied, "Um, Steve was just there for me the entire time after she left. He was so comforting and so helpful. He was being exactly what I had wanted from Sandy. I just...fell for him I guess."
Two-Bit nodded, "Okay...I guess I can understand that. Vulnerable time for you and you needed someone more than anything."
"I don't think it was just being vulnerable though, Two-Bit. I started feeling better and forgetting about Sandy now that I wanted someone else. I wanted him. Sandy ain't on my mind anymore. I...wanted Steve. Now I'm just hurt again. Maybe I should have known better."
"Steve..." Two-Bit thought of his words carefully before he continued, "He's just not like that. He doesn't understand, Soda. He doesn't get why or how you became like this. And unfortunately he's not very open to this type of stuff."
"And now I've lost him as a best friend too," Soda added on.
"Not nece..." Two-Bit sighed as he stopped, "I can't lie to you. It's true. You may have. But just give him time Soda. Sure he may not want to be with you or feel the same way, but once he understands you guys could become best friends again or something."
"Two-Bit, you know Steve like I do. He doesn't always understand things, he doesn't always want to, he'd rather stay angry about it," Soda said, "I think we both know what this means."
"I know, it will be tough, I know," Two-Bit sighed, "You know he's going to tell people."
"I know," Soda could feel himself wanting to cry again, but his eyes stayed dry.
"You just got to stay strong through it." Soda nodded. "So...are you...just into guys now?"
Soda thought for a minute. He hadn't thought of it like that. "At first it was just Steve I wanted. It still is. I wasn't thinking about guys in general or anything, just Steve. I'm not really sure honestly."
"There's nothing wrong with it, Soda. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of," Two-Bit said as he noticed Soda's voice growing quieter. "It's not the most accepted thing in today's world. I mean, we've seen how some people got treated for being possibly gay. It's really tough, some people have lost friends or family over it."
"Darry..." Soda said.
"He'll be shocked, but come on Soda, he's your brother. So is Ponyboy. They will accept it, right away too. Don't even question that, you know your brothers."
Soda nodded, "God I hope so. I really hope so."
"You need to talk to Darry. Tomorrow, or even tonight. Explain to him what really went on with Steve and why this is happening," Two-Bit said, "He will support you Soda. He will help you alright?"
Soda nodded, "I...I just want to go to bed now."
"Alright. Let's get Pony and Johnny." Two-Bit and Soda walked past everyone and up to the track. "Pony, Johnny, we're leaving."
"Okay...Soda you look awful," Pony said, "Are you okay?"
"He's fine," Two-Bit answered, "He's tired. It was a rough night." The four got into the car and the whole drive was quiet. Pony wanted to ask his brother what was going on, but could tell it wasn't the time. Two-Bit dropped Johnny off at his house. Once the three arrived at the Curtis house, Pony exited the car and headed inside, leaving the other two in the car.
"You want me to stay tonight?" Two-Bit asked.
Soda nodded, "Yeah. I'd feel better if you did honestly."
"Sure. To be honest, I don't trust Steve right now so I think I'd even feel better staying here just to make sure, especially since Darry doesn't know." Soda and Two-Bit walked into the house. Darry had gone to bed before they had returned, and Soda was thankful. He didn't want Darry to see how he possibly looked and force him to talk about it. Not right now. He could only manage to break the truth to one person, and that was exhausting to do. Soda laid down on the couch and quickly passed out into a deep sleep.
Soda awoke to a rowdy house. Now the typical rowdiness though, where boys were tackling each other and throwing pillows at one another. It was loud talking. The tones weren't happy. He couldn't tell what was going on exactly. Sitting up on the couch, Soda rubbed his eyes and slowly stood up. He walked into the kitchen, the source of the noise.
"Steve is not going to cause shit for us!" Darry barked as Soda entered the kitchen. He jumped at that fuse. Darry looked steamed, Two-Bit was sitting on the counter, and Ponyboy was at the kitchen table biting his nails. "I swear if Steve tries anything and causes harassment to either one of my brothers, he will deal with me personally. See if he's man enough to do that."
"What's going on?" Soda asked quietly.
Darry hadn't noticed Soda walked in. He turned towards him and tried to calm his voice. "Two-Bit told us everything."
"Well," Two-Bit quickly interrupted, "Not everything. I told him the basics of what Steve could be up to."
"Yes. He said I have to hear why Steve is doing it from you," Darry said, "But honestly, I don't care why. Steve is not going..."
"Darry, hold on," Two-Bit jumped off the counter, "I know what you mean, but don't say you don't care. You need to really listen to Soda, okay?"
Soda could feel the blood drain from his face. He knew Two-Bit wouldn't let him just not tell Darry, but he wasn't exactly expecting to wake up to it. Darry could tell this wouldn't be something to be taken lightly, so he took a few breaths to calm himself down.
"Okay," Darry sat at the table with Ponyboy, "What is going on, little buddy?"
Soda looked between his brothers and Two-Bit, feeling his eyes swell up in tears.
"Soda," Two-Bit walked over and put a hand on Soda's shoulder, "Just breathe. I told you, it will be okay." Soda felt his stomach jumped and he rushed out the back door.
"Damnit," Darry said.
"Darry, it's okay," Two-Bit said walking towards the door, "I promise it is okay. He just needs a minute." Two-Bit walked out and closed the door behind him, watching Soda pace the yard.
"Damnit Two-Bit," Soda said, "Why man, why? Why are you doing this to me?"
"Soda come on. You know I ain't doing anything to you. Darry and Pony need to know. You need to have support, and they'll give it to you. So will I."
Soda looked up towards the sky, shaking his head, "I didn't think it'd be this hard to tell them. I was hoping I'd just forget it all and I'd be back to normal."
"Stop talking like that," Two-Bit said, "For one thing, you aren't not normal. There is no such thing as being a normal human. That's ignorance talk. For another thing, you don't just switch back and forth from time to time. I...I would think this is who you are now. As dangerous as it could be, don't be ashamed of it." Soda was quiet. He didn't move. He couldn't argue with Two-Bit, not after what he did for him last night. "Come on Soda. Let's go tell them."
It took a minute, but Soda slowly walked back towards the door and reentered the kitchen with Two-Bit.
"Soda, what's going on?" Pony said sounding nervous. Darry was beginning to go from anger to concerned.
Soda looked up at the ceiling, took a deep breath, and looked back down at his brothers. "I...I...I think," Soda looked down at the floor, "I could be...I could be g-gay..."