Chapter 82
Sara and Emy saw a gap to get out for lunch when all of the paps outside followed Tegan and Lindsey to the hospital. Only one security guard drove them to Santa Monica, nobody was following them. They were both quiet on the ride there, staring out of the windows. They chose a table hidden in the corner of a quiet restaurant, away from any prying eyes. "Can I have a bottle of the house Pinot Noir please" said Sara. "I'll have a gin and tonic please" said Emy. "A bottle Sar?" said Emy when the waiter left. "What... I though you're going to join me" said Sara agitated. They studied the menu until the waiter returned with the wine. "Give us a few minutes" said Sara. "Sar... we need to talk" said Emy taking Sara's hand. Sara's expression changed. "I thought that's what we're doing" she said. "Sara... fuck how do I do this?" said Emy and looked down. "What is it... let me guess... you're ending this" said Sara emotionless. She took a large swig of wine. "Sara... I... this time... um these last few months... it was amazing... it was so incredibly special and I'm so happy we had this time together. I wouldn't change it for the world... The thing is... Sar... you and I both know that we don't work as a couple... You're my best friend in the world and I love you so much but this just isn't working... There's a reason we broke up years ago... we just chose not to remember that. I love you but we can't..." Emy's tears started flowing.
Sara stared at her and took another large swig of wine. "I don't want to lose you Sar... you are so important to me... Sara... look at me... please..." said Emy with Sara's hands in hers. Sara turned her head to look at Emy. "Say something..." said Emy. Sara looked as if she had a bucket of ice water dropped on her head. "Say something..." said Emy again. Sara just took another swig of wine. The waiter came over and started rattling off the specials. "Can you give us a moment please" said Emy. The waiter stopped talking but was clearing something off the table "Not now!" said Sara loudly and gave him the death stare. She took her hands out of Emy's and put her head in her palms. "I... guess I saw this coming" said Sara. "I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be Emy" said Sara as tears started rolling down her cheeks. "And I can't be what you want me to be either Sar..." said Emy softly. "I love you Emy... I will always love you" said Sara. "I love you too Sara" said Emy. "You're right... thank you Em for having the courage to admit what I didn't want to... We don't work... we never will... but I will never stop wanting it to work. You will always have a place in my heart that nobody else can fill... I will never stop loving you" said Sara with tears flowing freely. The waiter came over again "Go away" screamed Sara. She was halfway through the bottle of wine already. "Sara relax..." said Emy. "I just can't believe... we're giving up on us..." said Sara softly. "I don't want to give up on us" she whispered. "I don't want to either but we have to... we can go on like this... indefinitely I guess... and reach the same conclusion a year... or five from now... Or we can face this now... and get on with our lives... with our futures... because I want you to be happy Sara. I want you to find the love of your life... I only want the best for you. I want you to be ecstatically, madly and passionately in love every day of your life... and I know it's not going to be with me... I hate that it's not but..." Emy trailed off.
"Em... these last few months... if it wasn't for you I'd be a basket case now... I feel as if I've used you... you wasted your time with me... you were a crutch for me... I.. I... " said Sara shaking her head. "Look at me Sara... I would not change a second. I'm so incredibly happy that I had the opportunity to be there for you when you needed me. I know you would've done the same for me. I would do it all over again tomorrow" smiled Emy through her tears. That sat in silence for a few minutes. "I've booked my flight back to New York tomorrow" said Emy softly. "Emy... thank you... for everything... I love you. I want you to know that I'm not mad... I'm relieved that we're finally being honest with each other. I'm going to miss you so much... I don't want to lose you please" said Sara as tears started flowing again. "You'll never lose me Sara. I will always be there for you. I will always be your friend if you allow me to" smiled Emy through sobs.
Sara squeezed her hand and got up. She took another large swig of wine. "I need to go to the ladies room" she said. Sara walked away and peered over her shoulder at Emy who was sitting with her head in her hand facing the other way. She changed direction and headed for the door. She swiftly walked down the street hoping the security guard didn't notice her. She hailed a cab and got in. "Where to?" he said. "Um... I don't know... wherever... Venice beach" she said. She felt lightheaded from the wine on an empty stomach and closed her eyes that wouldn't stop leaking tears.
A/N: I'm sorry for this chapter... It hurts me too! Review please!