Chapter 89
Tegan sat up and took Sara into her arms and gave her a rare hug. "Shhh... we're gonna get through all this Sar... shhh... You hurt me more emotionally than physically but I forgive you... I'm fine, I promise." she whispered. Sara pulled away "Tegan... You are... by far... the most important person in my life..." said Sara. "Sar you don't have to..." Tegan got cut off by Sara "Shh Tee... let me finish please... I've been out of control these last few months..." said Sara. "Understandably so..." interrupted Tegan. Sara put her finger in front of her mouth to silence Tegan. "First... you... almost fucking die on me... I acted like a lunatic... I swear they almost put me in the loony bin after that one. I really don't know what I would've done if I lost you. I would've been broken beyond repair..." said Sara softly. Tegan looked down and bit her bottom lip. "Um... then... then I break my hand after repeatedly punching a wall?... I mean... what the... who does that?" said Sara with a look of disgust mixed with intrigue on her face. "Then I attack Kate after a nightmare and I almost strangle her... and I pick a fight with a biker twice my size in a bar... and you get hurt..." Sara was very emotional and now holding her head in her hands. "It's all spiralling out of control... But... you know when alcoholics or drug addicts hit rock bottom..." she said And looked up at her sister. Tegan just nodded. "Yeah well... I think I hit rock bottom with my destructive behaviour today... Hurting you... shoving your when I knew you're hurt... I make myself sick" said Sara and started sobbing. "Okay... Sara I'm okay... calm down... Sara... shhh" soothed Tegan. Sara's seemed to be calming down a bit. They heard a knock on the door and before they could answer it opened. "Everything okay in here?" asked Lindsey eyeing Sara suspiciously. She couldn't stay away for a second later. Tegan looked up and smiled. "Yes thank you sweetie... everything's fine. But I'd kill for a cup of tea and a snack" she said. "Okay baby... Sara, can I get you anything?" said Lindsey. Sara didn't look up at Lindsey but pulled her knees closer to her body and started rocking from side to side. She shook her head. "Tea please" whispered Tegan to Lindsey and winked. The door closed. "Tegan... I hurt pretty much everybody close to me... I can't believe you put up with my shit..." said Sara. "Sar... don't do this..." said Tegan. "I'm changing... I'm making a conscious decision to get the hell out of this downward spiral... And every day I'm going to make that decision, over and over again. I don't want to be in this place anymore... this place where I hurt myself and I hurt those closest to me... I think it's gonna be... hard... but..." she trailed off. "One day at a time Sar... one day at a time" said Tegan. Sara looked up and smiled. "And you are the ultimate role model when it comes to taking things one day at a time" she smiled. Tegan grinned. "You're halfway there Sara... admitting to yourself that you have a problem... We're gonna get you through this Sara. We're gonna fix this okay" said Tegan and took Sara's hand in hers. "How did you get so strong Tegan?" said Sara seriously. Tegan didn't answer... "Starting today Sar... mindshift... fake it till you make it... But on the other hand... you went through a fucking incredibly traumatising event Sar... no you actually went through at least 3 incredibly traumatising events... Your sister almost died, you got abducted and shot! I mean fuck! And to top it all off you break up with the person you thought was the love of your life... I can't even imagine how rough this is... and you need to deal with all that... because that's where all of this is coming from..." said Tegan. "Sure I went through some things... So did you... so did Erin... and I don't see you guys losing your shit..." said Sara shaking her head. "You need to talk to somebody Sara... and if you don't want a shrink I volunteer okay... Or... any of us... Just talk to us... we're all here for you Sara but you have to stop pushing us away and allow us in. I just want you to stop hurting. I hate seeing you in pain... God I hate it... I want the old happy Sara back" said Tegan as tears started falling again. Tegan sat back up and held Sara tight. She felt Sara's emotional shakes under her hands and tried to rub them out. Another knock. "An air hostess and Lindsey entered and Tegan and Sara broke their hug. They both looked like hell with red, swollen eyes. Tegan took Sara's hands, squeezed them and smiled. "Quin for the win" she said. "Thank you Tee... I love you" said Sara. "Oooo yes! Foooood!" said Tegan and inspected the tray filled with pastries, muffins and fruit. Sara wiped her cheek and smiled. "Thank you" she said sweetly to the hostess. "And thank you Linds" she said. Lindsey smiled and looked at Tegan with a question on her face. She leaned over for a kiss. "All good" whispered Tegan into her ear. "Hey did my kids have something to eat?" she said trying to lighten the mood. She took a custard Danish and shoved it into Lindsey's mouth. "You need to pick up weight remember... have this" she said. Lindsey laughed with her mouth full and headed for the door. She winked at Tegan as she turned around. She was hesitant to allow the relief to flow over her but she instinctively knew that Tegan had this... She got Sara back. "What's going on in there?" asked Kate as she sat down. "Looks as if it was an emotional blood bath but it seems to be okay now... They look okay" said Lindsey.
"Thank you Tegan" smiled Sara. "You got it... Now let's drop the shit and go on holiday" said Tegan before stuffing a donut into her mouth. Sara laughed and joined Tegan.
Half an hour later both girls walked into the main seating area of the plane. Tegan pulled one of her dorky dance moves "Holidaaaay... celebraaaate" she started singing. "Oh dear... did I give you the wrong pills?... Serious side effects: patient may spontaneously burst into lame Madonna songs, in severe cases 80s era Madonna songs" laughed Kate. "Don't you ever call Madonna lame" she said and pointed both forefingers at Kate. Sara smiled and silently admired her sister's incredible emotional intelligence. She really did respect her and the way she could instantly bring calm to a room and put people at ease. Tegan grinned. "I trust they kicked in and you're feeling okay?" asked Kate. "Juuuust groovy!" said Tegan and smiled. "Where are the guys?" she asked. "Where do you think? Alex is so excited to have some boys around for a change. They've been playing PlayStation the entire flight" said Erin. "Cool this things got a gaming room? I want to play!" said Tegan. "No... I know how you get. Those pills are going to knock you pretty soon if they haven't already – sit down... take it easy" instructed Kate. "Oh alright then party pooper" she said. "But can somebody go get Ted and Jeremy... I feel as if I haven't seen them in ages! I really want to catch up" said Tegan. "Did you get some sleep Tegan?" asked Kate seriously. Tegan looked at her and nodded her head after a few seconds. "Oh mommy Kate... Yeah... a little" she said sarcastically knowing full well that she was lying. Kate shook her head and walked over to her and whispered "You can either get some sleep now... or you're going to bed at 7 tonight when we're all having fun... you decide but you really have to get some rest" she said. Tegan pulled a face. "Okay but can I at least stay here with you guys... that little room feels like the naughty corner" she said.
The group walked off the plane all smiles after landing in Hawaii. Sara pulled herself together and it seemed to be holding... for now. She wasn't very talkative but there was no hint of sulking and she was friendly. Tegan had her healthy arm around Ted's shoulder and they chatted excitedly. She did feel a lot better again after passing out minutes after Kate told her to get some sleep. She thought to herself that Kate probably knew her body way better by now than she ever would herself. They walked past some sort of welcoming committee with traditionally dressed Hawaiians and they put floral leis around their necks. "Hey Sar... check it out... I got leid in Hawaii" she laughed. Sara laughed and mock punched Tegan in the shoulder. "I'm the one who should be getting laid – and I don't mean flowers" she winked. "You have a knocked up chick with you" she laughed. Tegan was so pumped despite feeling a dull ache in her ribs every few seconds. "I feel like getting myself a large tropical juice with some wheatgrass... and then maybe some kind of sandwich with pineapple. You know... something tropical. I'm bloody starving again" she said. Lindsey grabbed her hand and kissed her. "You are so damn adorable. You're going to eat us out of the house this holiday! You and the boys!" she smiled and kissed Tegan. "We'll leave some for you and the kids, I promise" laughed Tegan.
Sara caught up to Kate "Hey Kate... sorry about being standoffish earlier" she said. "Don't mention it" smiled Kate. "Is Tegan okay?" asked Sara. "Yeah... she's fine. Usually the easiest way for me to make a call on her condition is to see how much she eats... and she's right back to eating like a horse, so I wouldn't worry about her too much if I were you" smiled Kate. Sara visibly relaxed. "Thanks for taking such good care of her as always Kate" she said and blushed. Kate smiled and stopped walking "Sara... are you okay?" she said softly. Sara looked down for a second and then looked up into Kate's green eyes. "I'm going to be..." said Sara with a hint of sadness in her smile. Kate felt as if her heart was about to explode. She wanted to hold Sara and make her feel safe, protect her forever... make sure nothing ever makes her sad again. She put her hand on Sara's shoulder and simply smiled. "That's great Sar... I'm here if you need me" and continued walking. Kate didn't know what to do with these feelings... She knew that right now Sara was damaged goods but strangely it made her even more attracted to her. Kate wrote it off as her natural instinct as a doctor to take care of people but she knew deep down that this was different. She knew deep down that Sara Quin was busy taking a hold of her heart. It scared her... it also excited her more than anything ever has.
A/N: Phew, that was an emotional chapter. Poor Sara... All's well between the twins again! Yay! Review please!