Today's Quote: I have two problems in life. 1) memory loss, and 2) ...dammit.
It had been an odd couple of months.
Forks were quiet without the Cullens. Days dragged on, school feeling more and more like a personal hell, and weekends were filled with meaningless conversations.
And I was lonely.
It had taken me some time to realise it, but I was lonely.
Carlisle was gone, which meant no more late-night talks. Sure, we phoned, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't there. It didn't feel the same. Rosalie was gone, which meant no more gossip sessions. Emmett was gone, which meant no more silly advice and strange conversations. Esme was gone, which meant I was left without a mother figure. And Bella was… not gone. Bella was something.
She was depressed. She had taken Edward's leave hard and hadn't even begun to recover. It was odd, not having my older sister around. As much as I had never really had her in my life, I had grown used to her bad humour and undying support no matter what I did. I missed Bella.
Sure, she was always home, but it felt like it was only physically. Mentally she was daydreaming about Edward's return or her searching for Edward. And aside from thinking her ex, she had no time for people.
Dad's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years - Bella didn't care. She barely acknowledged me on my birthday, which was possibly the weirdest thing of all, because every year she had taken the time to fly to whatever mental hospital Mum had forced me in, and celebrated my birthday with me.
And I was lonely.
I dipped my finger in the saucepan of water, sending it to it's boiling point far faster than the gas ever could. In went the eggs, and I started the timer.
"Morning, Ana," Dad said, kissing my forehead. "Careful, that water looks hot."
"Sure," I said easily, hiding a wry smile behind my hand. "How'd you sleep?"
Dad sighed. "Bella woke me up again. Four times."
"Damn," I said, frowning. "That's worse than last night."
Bella had taken to having nightmares every night. Maybe I was being a little mean to be blaming her for them, but they were annoying and constant. I had to begin sleeping with earplugs and stacking pillows up against the door to block her screams.
"I don't know what's wrong with her!" Dad complained. "I get it, her boyfriend left her. So what? I don't see you moping around because your friends left."
I shrugged. The timer dinged, and I scooped the eggs out of the water, placing them in egg cups. "You want?"
Dad took one, mumbling thanks. We sat down at the table, joining Bella who was staring dejectedly at her cereal.
"What do you have today, girls?" Dad asked pleasantly, hiding his worry behind a smile directed at Bella.
Seeing Bella wasn't going to respond, I spoke up. I really was trying to make an effort with Dad. "I think I have math and then biology with Bella later in the day."
"What're you studying in math?" Dad asked. He didn't care about math, I knew, (neither did I), but we continued the conversation, hoping that Bella might give us one of her famous one-word answers.
"Algebra. Again. For the millionth time. At least it's easy."
"Cool," Charlie said awkwardly. "Bella, how are you doing with your homework? I got an email from Mr Varner, he said you weren't getting as much done as you could be."
Bella didn't answer.
"Well, what about your English. You just got given Macbeth to study, right? How's that going?"'
I stared at Bella, watching for even the tiniest bit of movement that might indicate she was listening. There was none.
Dad's fist came down on the table, and I jumped in surprise.
"That's it, Bella! I'm sending you home," Dad shouted.
"What?" I spluttered. "You're sending her to Mum's?"
What would that mean for me? Knowing Mum, she'd probably pin her depression on me.
'Oh yes, my daughter is sick. I think it's because that bastard child tried to sacrifice her to Satan. Why yes, officer, I do believe we should lock her up forever. Shock treatment? What a wonderful idea.'
Okay, maybe not. It wouldn't go exactly like that. In real life she wouldn't consult anyone, she'd just send me straight off to some messed up negative 5 stars asylum.
"I am home," Bella mumbled, clearly confused.
"I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," Dad clarified. He watched with exasperation as Bella slowly grasped the meaning of his words.
"You can't be serious." I scowled at Dad.
"What did I do?" Bella asked.
"You didn't do anything. That's the problem. You never do anything."
"You want me to get into trouble?" Bella wondered.
"Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time!"
"I am not moping around."
"Moping's the wrong word," he grudgingly conceded. "Moping would be better—that would be doing something. You're just… lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want."
"I'm sorry, Dad," Bella said, her voice just as flat as ever. But hey, she managed more than one word. Score for Bella, but what did it matter, because she was apparently going back to Jacksonville.
"I don't want you to apologize."
Bella sighed. "Then tell me what you do want me to do."
"Bella," he hesitated, "Honey, you're not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know."
"I know that."
"Listen, honey. I think that—that maybe you need some help."
"Yes, because Mum is so helpful when it comes to dealing with less than perfect children," I muttered. I pushed my eggs away from me - I felt slightly sick. I didn't want to go back to Mums, but she had full custody over me, so she could force me to come back with Bella.
"Help?"
He paused, searching for the words again. "When your mother left," he began, frowning, "and took you two with her." He inhaled deeply. "Well, that was a really bad time for me."
"I know, Dad," Bella mumbled.
"But I handled it," he pointed out. "Honey, you're not handling it. I waited, I hoped it would get better. I think we both know it's not getting better."
"I'm fine."
"Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A professional."
"You want me to see a shrink? I'm not like Morgana - I'm not crazy!"
I glared at her and crossed my arms. "Wow, thanks Bella," I said sarcastically. "It's nice to hear you think so highly of me."
"I didn't mean it like that," she defended.
"Yes, you did. Whatever." I rolled my eyes, and stole Bella's cereal from her, ignoring her incredibly mild protest. Somehow eating the way too sugary fruit loops settled my stomach.
"Maybe it would help," Dad said, shooting me a look. Ah yes, the warning glance. It was one I was familiar with.
"And maybe it wouldn't help one little bit."
"It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe your mother—"
"Look," Bella said in a flat voice. "I'll go out tonight if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela."
"Do not bring Jessica here," I warned her. I almost started melting the metal spoon in my hand. "That brat is getting on my last nerves."
All term it had been; 'Where are the Cullens', 'Why don't you sit with us?',(and tell us all the gossip), 'What's wrong with Bella?', 'Why'd you die your hair?', 'Will you go out with me?'.
That last one was from Newton, but still.
"That's not what I want," he argued, frustrated. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try harder. I've never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch."
"I don't understand, Dad. First, you're mad because I'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out."
"I want you to be happy—no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks."
"What about Morgana?" Bella asked. I was pleased to see her acknowledge me, although slightly annoyed she was just using me to get out of it. "Will she have to come? How am I supposed to be happy if all I hear is her complaining?"
And now very annoyed. "I have legitimate reasons for not liking Mum," I defended.
"Ones that we can talk about later," Dad said. At least he wasn't calling me crazy for hating being treated like I was insane. "And no, you won't have to go."
"I'm not leaving," Bella said.
"Why not?" he demanded.
"I'm in my last semester of school—it would screw everything up."
"You're a good student—you'll figure it out." "I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil."
"Your mother's been dying to have you back."
"Florida is too hot."
I barely blinked when Dad's fist came down on the table again. "We both know what's really going on here, Bella, and it's not good for you." He took a deep breath. "It's been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can't keep waiting for him."
"I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything," Bella said in a low monotone.
"Bella—," Charlie began, his voice thick.
"I have to get to school," she interrupted, standing up and yanking mine and Charlie's eggs from the table, dumping them in the sink. She came back for her fruitloops, tugging them out of my hands and throwing the remains in the bin.
"I'll make plans with Jessica," she called over her shoulder as she strapped on her bag. "Maybe I won't be home for dinner. We'll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie."
She was out the front door before we could react.
"It's six forty-three," Dad said, slumping back in his seat. "Six forty-three in the morning. Who goes to school that early?'
I shrugged my shoulders and headed over to the fridge, hoping to find some bacon to cook up.
Please review - it makes me happy!
A/N - Thanks for all your support, and for reading
AnimeFreak71777 - :D
diamondeyes323 - I know right! Goddamn Carlisle. And as you'll see later on, Morgana's not going to bawl her eyes out, but she will face a few demons
binhacunha3 - thanks
lolistarkiller - Me too. I love how much her personality has grown
Guest - I have no idea if I've mentioned something like that, or alluded to it, but you're actually not far off what I was planning to do. I won't give away too many spoilers, but yeah, you can definitely look forward to Morgana in a padded room.
Brookie Twiling - Thanks! I do try to make Morgana way more mature than Bella - I've never really liked Bella's character so that's a part of it, but also it helps create a more original story for Morgana. And yeah, Leah will most likely phase, and, hopefully, you'll get to see more of her in Morgana's version of New Moon.
Sorry if I missed your review - just tell me and I'll PM you