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Recap: Angel was taken by a large group of vampires so they could lure Buffy to them with the aim to kill her. Buffy brought Xander with her to assist in Angel's rescue and they did rescue Angel but Angel had to rescue Buffy when a vampire nearly killed her by feeding on her. Angel feels awful and broke up with Buffy to keep her safer.

Thank you for reading the first chapter of this story and thank you very much for coming back to read the next one!

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its original characters do not belong to me

Built Up Walls: Chapter 2: Heartbreak

Buffy
It has been two weeks since Angel left and I thought it was going to get easier but it hasn't, I still feel the same heartbreak from the night he told me it was over between us. He kept to his word and left the next night with no forwarding address or contact details so I have no idea where he is or what he's doing. The only thing he left behind was the silver chain he wore all the time, he left it for me with a note;

Buffy,
Leaving you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I left my chain for you, I don't know if you want it or to throw it away but it's yours. Please know that I love you, I have never loved anyone like I love you and I will never love someone again.
Always,
Angel

Part of me did want to throw it away, along with every single thing that reminded me of Angel but I couldn't do it. Instead I put it around my neck and I haven't taken it off since. I also wear the Claddagh Ring he brought me for my birthday two years ago and I wear it so that it is facing me, meaning that my heart belonged to someone. Angel was forever going to own my heart and I'm probably never going to love someone as much as I love him.

I still don't understand why he left me; he said it was to keep me safe but I'm the Slayer so 'safe' is not really something I'll ever be. I know he didn't like that he was used as a tool against him but I was never going to let anything happen to him. Maybe being the Slayer's girlfriend was just a bit too much for him and he didn't want to be in trouble this much, I don't know. I don't think I will ever fully understand why he left because we have proved time and time again that we work better when we're together, we're stronger together.

I wanted to go and track him but I knew I couldn't leave Sunnydale unprotected but I would love to hear from him, even just an old fashioned letter to tell me that he is ok and he is happy because that is all I want for him. He has had a hell of a life and he deserves some happiness and he deserves love, I hope wherever he has gone he will move on to someone else and he will be really happy with her.

It's really no surprise he would want to get away from me as fast as he can; I am the Slayer after all and he's probably on the other side of the world by now. I just wish that heartbreak didn't hurt this bad. I feel like I'm never going to be happy again and when I think about Angel I get this tightening feeling in my chest, my stomach ties up and my whole body feels drained.

Trying to get over Angel is the hardest thing I am ever going to have to do and I just don't know how I'm going to do it. No one can ever compare to him, there's no one who is going to love me and protect me as he much as him and there is never going to be someone I love as much as him. I just hate that the last memory I have of him is him leaving me. I can't see him on a night when we need help with a Demon or just go to see him if I want some advice. Not being together is hard but I would love to have him here as my friend then just gone forever. It feels final and I believe Angel when he told me that I would never see him again.

I feel like I finally understand what all of these love songs are about. I feel like a part of me has died and I'm never going to be able to bring it back to life.

Angel
I thought living away from Buffy would make it easier for me but it doesn't. I miss her a lot and I want to just go back to Sunnydale, grab her, kiss her and make love to her and promise her that I'm never going to leave again. It is taking everything inside of me to stay here in Portland. I know it's not that far from Buffy, a 15/16 hour drive away but I'm still far enough away to keep away from Buffy and not meddle in whatever it is she is doing.

I don't know why I chose Portland. I was just driving and ended up here, I wasn't sure what I was going to do at first but I found somewhere I could hold up, it wasn't anything fancy but it was good enough for me. It didn't have any windows so there was nowhere for sunlight to come in and it had a bed for me to sleep in during the day. There was a butchers nearby who had been kind since I got here and gave me blood, apparently it wasn't the first time he had a deal with vampires and he'd rather provide the blood from his butcher shop then having the vampires turn on the residents.

Of course my new life didn't stop me from worrying about Buffy and what she was doing and how she was dealing with the break up. I kept my promise and I left the night after we broke up. I haven't seen her or heard from her but I know her and I knew she would have gone to my old little apartment after I left so I left her a little present, my silver chain. It wasn't worth a lot but I just wanted Buffy to have something to remember me by, something permanent and constant. I don't want her to think I don't care about her and it was easy for me to leave because it wasn't, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I promised Buffy she would never see me again and I intend to keep my promise but I did leave Willow a contact number for me. She was told not to tell Buffy she had it and not to tell anyone else about it, she promised she wouldn't and I believed her. I told her that she was to only use it in a life or death situation, Willow was the only person I trusted with this and although I gave her the number I hope she never has to use it.

Willow was really kind and she gave me her number too. She told me to call her if I was ever in trouble and needed their help, she was going to give me Buffy's number as well but I declined it. If I had that number then I would have given in and I would've called her by now... I appreciated the offer. It was nice to know that Willow didn't completely hate me after breaking up with Buffy and unlike Buffy; Willow seems to understand my reasons behind it. She promised me that she would look after Buffy for me and do what she can to take care of her and help her get over the break up. I'm glad Buffy has friends like Willow and Xander looking out for her. She needs them.

I really hope Buffy is ok and I hope she has moved on from me and is living her life again. There are tons of boys at her school who would love to date her; she's an attractive woman and a good woman. She cares about others before herself and although none of them know it she has risked her life multiple times to save their lives. I hope she finds someone who is worthy of her and I hope he treats her right, if not I'm hoping Willow will call me to come and teach him a lesson. I hope she finds a good man and I hope she marries him and gets the chance to have lots of children... if she wants them... and die a really old lady surrounded by all of her loved ones peacefully in her sleep.

There was one thing I took with me from Sunnydale and that was a singular picture of me with Buffy. It was the only photo that I owned as Buffy had the rest of them; I stole this from her one night when she was asleep. It was actually a really good photo of us; Willow had taken it one night when we were at The Bronze. I was standing behind Buffy with my left arm wrapped around her; she was leaning against me and smiling at the camera as I stared at her. I remember Willow telling me off for not looking but I couldn't help it, Buffy was beautiful and deserved my attention more than the camera. Every man should own at least one photo with his girl in it to carry around, this was the only one I had and I was going to keep it until I died.

Buffy
"C'mon Buffy, it'll be fun," Xander pleaded.

"I don't want to go to The Bronze," I repeated for what felt like the 100th time.

"You can't go home, sit in your bedroom and mope about Angel for the rest of your life," He scolded.

"Xander," Willow warned with furrowed brow.

"You've been giving the Demons a lot of attention since Angel left. Maybe your friends want to spend some time with you too," He told me.

I sighed because I knew he was right. Since Angel left I have been killing every Demon that I see, its been a way for me to get my anger and frustration out. I haven't spent a lot of time with Willow and Xander and I haven't been a good friend to them, I haven't asked them about what they are doing or taken in interest in them which isn't fair.

"Fine," I agreed.

"Good! You know it makes sense," He said.

"Are you sure you want to go Buffy?" Willow asked.

"Yes Will, I want to go. Xander's right... for once... I haven't spent a lot of time with you guys lately and I've been a bit of a crappy friend," I answered.

"You haven't been a crappy friend," She stated.

"Thanks," I smiled "I better go, Giles wanted to see me about something," I told them as I stood from the chair and grabbed hold of my bag "I'll see you at The Bronze about seven." I added as I turned my back and left them.

I really didn't want to go to The Bronze tonight. I feel bad for ignoring my friends but on the other hand I'm just a bit depressed and I'm not much fun right now, my mom hasn't even attempted to talk to me in the last few days because she knows it's not worth trying. Xander and Willow don't understand heartbreak and they don't understand what I'm feeling but I know their hearts are in the right place and they just want to try and cheer me up. To be honest, if it was one of them in my shoes I'd be doing the same. I don't like seeing them upset or hurting.

Another short chapter but the fun is just beginning. In the next chapter we're going to see a more vulnerable side to Buffy and we're going to take a little trip to The Bronze where shit is about to go down.

Thank you for reading, I promise the story is going to get better so please come back the next chapter!

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