Dean put his head in his hands and inhaled deeply. Cas was gone, and so was Jack. He still had Sam, but there was something missing from his life. He didn't understand or even know what he was missing, but it was something big. He wanted to feel complete, but right now, he didn't feel like he was complete. He felt like a broken and shattered mess that couldn't be put back together.

Dean jumped at the knock of his bedroom door. "Come in, Sam."

Sam entered the room quietly and sat in the chair at Dean's desk. "How are you holding up?"

Dean shrugged. "I...I don't really know how to explain it. It's like a part of me is missing. Like without Cas here, things aren't right inside of me."

Sam looked down. "I know what you mean." He whispered.

"Sam, can I tell you something?"

Sam nodded.

"Right before the empty took Cas, he said that his true happiness was something he could never have, me. He told me he loved me and then the empty took him. I didn't know what to say-or even how to react."

Sam looked at Dean, noticing the tears that were almost falling. He felt bad for how much Dean had been through. Losing Cas must have finally been what had broken Dean.

"We'll find a way to get Cas back, I promise." Sam said.

Dean had his hand up and shook his head. "No more, Sammy. Every time we do that, something bad happens. As much as I miss him and want him back, I don't think I can handle the risk of losing him again or you."

Sam looked down at his feet. "I understand, Dean."

(*****************************************)

"Jody, I'm really beginning to worry about Dean." Sam said. "Can you keep and eye out and let me know if you see him."

"Of course, Sam. Let me know if you find anything out."

Sam hung up the phone and sighed. Dean had disappeared a week ago today without a trace. Sam had no idea where Dean would have went. He knew well enough that wherever Dean went, it was to clear his head and regroup his thoughts. Still, a note would have been nice.

(****************************************)

"Thanks again for letting me stay Kersten." Dean said as he sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee with the 28 year old girl.

Kersten smiled. "Of course, Dean. Whatever our past was, shouldn't affect who we are now."

Dean nodded, looking out the window.

"So, are you finally going to tell me why you didn't tell Sam you were coming."

Dean looked at her with sadness in his eyes. "I needed somewhere to grieve without the constant breathing down my neck."

"You loved him, didn't you?"

"I didn't even realize it until after he was gone."

Kersten gently placed a hand over Dean's. "Sometimes we don't realize what we have until it's gone."

Dean wiped a stray tear from his eye. Kersten pulled him into a hug as Dean let his tears fall in silence. Neither one said anything to the other. Kersten had never seen Dean like this the entire time that she had known him. It honestly scared her to see how badly losing Castiel had hurt Dean.

Kersten helped Dean up to his room. Once she was sure that he was asleep for the night, she took a walk.

"Sam, it's Kersten. Dean's here with me." Kersten said.

"How's he doing?" Sam asked.

"Not good, he's a total wreck Sam."

"I was worried about that."

"What do I need to do?" Kersten asked, her voice desperate.

"I honestly don't know. Just be there for him, for now. Let him get through this, and then we'll see how things are going."

"Alright. Thanks Sam."

"No problem, and thank you for letting me know that my brother is safe."

Kersten smiled. "Anytime Sam."

She headed back home. Once she got home, she sat on the pouch and closed her eyes. Life had never been easy for any of them, but it was really messed up that Dean had lost his one chance to be happy because of some stupid supernatural entity who thought that they had some kind of claim on all the angels and demons.

Kersten stood and went to her study. A shelf full of books greeted her. She had no idea what she was looking for, but from past experience, she knew that all she had to do was look long enough and she would find the answer that she was looking for.

Dean awoke the next morning to find Kersten passed out in her study. She was using an open book for a pillow. Dean smiled softly at the sight and went over and carefully picked Kersten up and took her to her room. He laid her down in her bed and covered her up. Dean gently shut the door behind him and headed outside to go on a walk.

The cool breeze helped Dean clear his mind. He didn't know what he expected to happen while he stayed with Kersten. It wasn't like anyone could bring Cas back to him this time. The empty would make sure of that much. Dean didn't want to think about it too much. It still hurt to realize that Cas was really gone this time and he wasn't coming back.

A few hours later, Dean returned to the small home and found Kersten in the kitchen talking to someone on the phone.

"It's do-able. We just need a few things to summon it. Once we do that, we should be able to get what we want. All it wants to do is sleep and be left alone. If we call it into our world then we'll be able to talk with it and do what we need to do."

Dean didn't listen to anymore of the conversation. He didn't know what Kersten was doing, and at this point in his life, he didn't really care to find out anything anymore. He just wanted to be left alone with his own thoughts. He wanted time to get through the amount of pain that he was going through. Emotional pain hurt a lot more than any physical pain he had ever felt in his entire life.

He just wanted it all to end.