Robin gave the rope a sharp tug and heard the satisfying clink of the grappling hook latching onto the outstretched flagpole. Robin held the grappling gun in one hand and gripped the rope with the other. He jumped off the side of the roof and pumped his legs at the bottom of the swing, propelling himself high upward and ahead. As Robin flew to the roof of the adjacent building, he loosened the tension on the rope and let the grappling hook slide off. Once his feet were firmly planted on the roof, he clicked the grappling gun and retracted the rope.

Robin walked over to the gargoyle that crouched at the corner of the roof, sitting against it and getting a small ear piece out of his utility belt. The device was designed to tune into police radio signals. Robin tisked as he learned that there hadn't been any sightings of Harley Quinn since earlier that night when she broke out of Arkham Asylum.

Now Harley Quinn was loose in Gotham City. Fortunately, the Joker was still locked up tight. Harley hadn't sprung him when she escaped. In fact, word was the two had had a falling out. Robin wasn't sure he believed that. He figured it was only a matter of time before Harley sprung the Joker, so the sooner she was locked up again the better.

Robin would be doing this alone. Batman wasn't around. Bruce Wayne was required on a business trip abroad that weekend. He had left Robin in charge of keeping watch over Gotham. Part of Robin cursed the luck that Harley would pick the same weekend to break out, but part of him welcomed the opportunity.

This was the first time Batman had left Robin to watch the city alone. He had been going out with Batman for four years now and had recently begun conducting his own investigations under Batman's supervision, but Batman had never trusted him enough to handle a Gotham weekend by himself. Robin needed to prove that he was ready for this. Harley would be the perfect opportunity to do just that.

"Confirmed sighting," came a voice from the ear piece, "It's Quinzel! She just went into the Iceberg Lounge!"

Iceberg Lounge? thought Robin as he fired his grappling gun, What are you planning, Harley?

The Iceberg Lounge, Oswald Cobblepot's night club, was a hot spot for crime in Gotham City. Crime lords from all over the city went there. What could Harley Quinn be up to? Robin thought for a moment that he might be in over his head. Then he dismissed the thought.

No, he thought, No, this is Harley Quinn we're talking about. She's a joke! I can handle this.

The club wasn't far. Robin arrived within minutes. By the time he arrived police were already storming the building. With the amount of crime going on in there, the police would have plenty to deal with without having to worry about Harley. Robin prepared to sneak inside, but then he saw a slender figure leap from the roof of the Iceberg Lounge to the building next door.

Gotcha.

"Stop right there, Harley!" ordered Robin, landing in front of his target.

Harley stopped where she was. She was a lanky woman whose skin had been dyed bone white. She wore black lipstick and had painted a black mask around her eyes. She wore a full body red and black spandex suit with a hood with jester tassels. She wore matching pixie boots and gloves.

"Bird Brain!?" Harley cried out her usual singsongy Brooklyn accent, "Now isn't really the time! I'm busy!"

"Sorry," said Robin, "I can't reschedule."

Harley drew a comically large black pistol from behind her back and pointed it at Robin. Robin had trained on this about a million times. The moment he saw Harley go to reach for the gun, he whipped a batarang at the center of her body. Sure enough, as she took aim the flying weapon struck the gun in her hands, disarming and making her leap backwards.

Perfect, thought Robin, Now that she's unarmed, this will be easy!

Robin sprinted at Harley, preparing to tackle her and apprehend her. When he was inches away from her however, she nimbly somersaulted into the air and leapt over Robin, landing gracefully behind him as he regained his balance and composure.

"Missed me! Missed me!" sang Harley, winking over her shoulder.

Robin grunted in frustration as he lunged toward Harley and delivered a sweeping kick at her legs. She quickly hopped over the move and landed with both feet directly on Robin's gut, causing him to let out a cough of pain before she hopped off.

"Now you gotta kiss me!" sang Harley, kicking one leg up behind her in a pose.

Harley ran toward the other end of the building as Robin got up to his hands and knees.

No! he thought to himself, She can't get away! I can't fail to catch HER!

Robin drew his grappling gun and fired it at Harley's feet. With any luck it would tangle around her ankles and stop her. To Robin's surprise, Harley stopped running after he pulled the trigger. Instead she skipped to the side, causing it to miss her completely. Before Robin could do anything else, Harley swiftly grabbed the rope and jerked on it as hard as she could, yanking Robin to his feet and sending him flying toward her.

"Here's some advice, Boy Blunder!" she shouted, starting to sound irritated.

Robin let go of the grappling gun just as he stumbled right up to Harley. Robin lost a moment of concentration to get his bearings and balance. Harley used that moment to swiftly swing her knee powerfully up into Robin's gut, knocking the wind out of him again. Robin writhed in pain from the blow as Harley grabbed his cape and pulled it down over his face. Robin made a grab at the cape, but Harley interrupted him with a downward elbow to the back of his neck.

"Don't mess with a gal on a mission!"

I can't believe it, realized Robin, She's running circles around me!

"Now," smiled Harley as Robin once again weakly got to his knees, "Before I go…"

Robin's eyes widened under his mask as he felt his utility belt get pulled back. His uniform consisted of a red spandex shirt and green spandex leggings, the latter of which had a utility belt sewn into the waistband. By pulling back his belt, Harley was looking directly down Robin's pants.

"What are you-!?"

"Wedgie!"

Robin let out a squeal as he felt his briefs suddenly and aggressively assault his balls and ass crack. The underwear was cutting into him further and further, lifting him upward as Harley yanked the white fabric, tightly clutching the waistband in both of her fists. Robin's face turned bright red. How had he let this happen!?

Then the pressure eased up. He felt the elastic snap into his lower back as Harley vaulted over him and ran to the side of the roof.

Robin's underwear was lodged so far into his butt that it rubbed and burned just for him to move his legs, but he didn't have time to adjust the wedgie. The prank was humiliating enough; he couldn't let Harley get away after that.

Robin sprinted after Harley, ignoring the nonstop chafing and the feeling of stretched out fabric bouncing behind him. He felt ridiculous. Harley made it to the end of the roof and deftly leapt over the side. Robin followed suit. He watched Harley as she dove, flipped, and landed gracefully on a fire escape. Robin never made it that far. Robin heard a deafening rip and felt an ungodly pain in his rear as he stopped midair.

Robin meekly looked up and over his shoulder for the source of the searing pain. He saw the stretched out white fabric had hooked onto a flagpole as he jumped off, catching him and leaving him dangling from a massive wedgie. Robin wasn't sure what was worse: his concern that he was actively castrating himself, or the sound of Harley's laughter from below.

"Now THAT'S what I call a wedgie!" she cackled, keeling over and pointing up at Robin in glee.

Robin gritted his teeth. He couldn't let this get to him. He needed to get free and continue his chase. He drew a switchblade from his utility belt and reached over his shoulder to begin cutting himself free. The moment the blade severed the outer seem, the entire garment tore away. Robin felt his crotch go cold as his undies were ripped out through his butt and gravity took effect, sending him falling face first onto the fire escape below.

He quickly got to his feet, ignored the pain from both the lingering wedgie and the impact, and looked around for any sign of Harley. He didn't see her. He had lost her.

Woop!

Red and blue lights flickered into the alleyway as two police cars pulled up at the end of it. Robin cursed to himself, jumped to the fire escape across the way, and climbed his way onto the roof of the building, where he ran as far away from that experience as possible.

"Commissioner Gordon," said Robin.

James Gordon tossed his cigarette aside and turned to face Robin. Upon doing so, he stopped where he was and looked around.

"Where's Batman?" he asked plainly.

"He's otherwise occupied," said Robin, "What do you have for me?"

"Seriously?" scoffed Gordon, "I'm stuck with the understudy?"

"What do you have for me, Commissioner?" asked Robin again, slightly more aggressively.

"Fine," sighed Gordon, flipping the enormous switch beside him.

The bat signal faded from the clouds as the enormous spotlight shut down.

"There was a big shootout at the Iceberg Lounge," explained Gordon, "No one's talking, so we're still piecing together what happened. As far as we can tell, someone fired a shot first and then everyone else panicked."

"Any serious injuries?" asked Robin, trying to hide the fact that he felt partially responsible.

"Nothing they won't live through," shrugged Gordon, "and certainly nothing they don't deserve. Did you know anything about this?"

"I think I know who fired the first shot," said Robin, "Harley Quinn."

"The Joker's girl?" asked Gordon in disbelief.

"I think they're on a break at the moment."

"You can't be serious," said Gordon, "She did all this?"

"I wouldn't underestimate her," said Robin quietly.

"What was that?"

"Do you have anything else for me?" asked Robin.

"Yeah," nodded Gordon, "One more thing. The boys found a torn pair of men's underpants stuck to a flagpole off the side of the lounge. At first I dismissed it, but if a clown like Quinn is involved-"

"I'm going to need you to get that to me," said Robin suddenly.

"...why?"

The real reason was the liability it posed. That was Dick Grayson's underwear. If, God forbid, there was even a trace of DNA on that, it would place him right at the middle of one of Robin's cases, jeopardizing his identity in one of the most embarrassing ways possible.

"It involves Quinn," answered Robin quickly, "I can't tell you any more than that."

"I'll leave them at our usual drop point," said Gordon, deciding he was better off not knowing more.

"Dad?"

Robin ducked down behind the spotlight. Gordon turned around just as a short, skinny woman with wavy red hair walked around the corner.

"Harvey said I could find you up here," she said, "I thought you kicked the habit."

"I did," sighed Gordon, looking down at his discarded cigarettes, "and one of these days I'm going to stick to it. You need a ride home?"

"If you're offering."

"Sure honey," said Gordon, before pointedly adding, "I've got nothing left to do here anyway."

Robin nodded to himself. He knew they were done anyway. He silently listened as Gordon and his daughter walked across the roof and into the access door. Then Robin fired his grappling gun and swung off the building.

Whatever Harley's up to… he thought, I have to end it before anyone gets hurt!

Robin clicked the zoom on the binoculars, getting a closer look at the tunnel of love ride on the other side of the park. Gotham Park had just closed for the year, meaning that the entire lot was unmanned. Some security guards were assigned for sure, but Robin recalled how the Joker had gotten past them so easily last time.

A few Valentine's Days back, Batman and Robin pursued the Joker and Harley to the tunnel of love ride here in Gotham Park. The two had redesigned the entire interior to be a makeshift lovenest, from which they were running their criminal enterprises. Knowing Harley was never one to think of a plan for herself, Robin was checking all of Joker's old hideouts to find her.

He still didn't see anything. He had to check inside to be sure. He collapsed his binoculars and hooked them to his belt. He quietly leapt down off the roof and moved swiftly to the line cue for the tunnel of love.

Robin navigated his way through the cue to the loading area, where he saw the water had been drained from the track. He stepped onto the track and walked along it into the tunnel. He moved as quietly as he could, but he only got a few steps in before things escalated.

"You again!" shouted Harley from above.

Robin hopped backward as Harley came soaring down from the rafters, swinging an enormous mallet into the spot where Robin had just been. Robin delivered a snap kick straight forward, snapping the wooden handle in half and severing the mallet head completely. Robin had fought Harley and the Joker enough times to recognize their faux giant mallets. Those things were mostly for effect. They were practically made of balsa wood.

Harley let out a growl as she whipped the handle at Robin's face. Robin bent backwards, dodging the projectile by falling into a backward bridge. Harley took full advantage of this and delivered a full strength kick directly to Robin's groin.

Robin gasped for air as the throbbing pain echoed throughout his body, nauseating him as he collapsed onto his back with tears in his eyes.

"Sorry," smiled Harley, "Did I crack the robin's little eggs?"

Robin clenched his teeth and forced himself to ignore the pain. He quickly got to his feet in a squatting position, from which he delivered a sweeping kick to Harley's legs. Harley yelped as she fell back, landing on her butt directly in front of Robin.

Robin tackled Harley, quickly forcing her into a headlock and holding on tight. He wasn't about to underestimate her again. He'd take her down if it was the last thing he did.

"Please…" croaked Harley, "You have to… Let me go…"

"Yeah," scoffed Robin, "I'll get right on that."

"My… babies…"

Robin held onto the headlock tightly for another few moments. Was she trying to get to him? Was she trying to lower his guard? Or was somebody really in danger? Robin groaned in frustration. He couldn't risk it. If there was even the smallest chance someone was in danger, he had to do his due diligence. Even if it meant lowering his guard to Harley again.

Harley coughed as Robin released her from the hold. He quickly jumped to his feet and placed his boot on her chest. He winced as the throbbing pain in his balls flared up from the movement. He pushed the pain aside and pinned Harley down with his weight.

"Talk," he ordered.

"After our last gig," she said, straining in pain, "I was so worried the cops would take my darlings… Mr. J promised me they'd be safe with Thorne but… He…"

"Thorne?" said Robin, "As in Rupert Thorne?"

"I went to find him at the Iceberg Lounge," continued Harley, "I found out he kept 'em alright! He kept 'em and plans to start using them in an exotic animal fighting ring!"

"...you're talking about the hyenas?"

"Smiley and April are my babies!"

Robin grimaced. What she was saying was probably true. Rupert Thorne was known to deal in all sorts of illegal trades, ranging from gambling to smuggling. There was a perfect spot for dogfighting in his empire. If Harley really had information that could take that down, she was far more valuable as an ally than a prisoner at the moment.

"Fine," said Robin, moving his foot off of Harley.

"What?" asked Harley, rubbing her sore chest.

"Fine," repeated Robin, "I'll help you take down Thorne's animal fighting ring."

"Really!?" beamed Harley suddenly, "That'd be swell! Thanks, Bird Brain!"

"Holy mafiosos," muttered Robin under his breath, "What have I gotten myself into?"

"You're sure this is the place?"

"Sure am!" chirped Harley, "The fella I talked to at the Iceberg Lounge said so at least. He was more than happy to give me the address. He was mad about this too! He seemed like a reasonable guy. I almost feel bad for shooting both of his kneecaps."

Robin sighed.

"Well, I needed to let him know I was being serious," shrugged Harley, "The second was to send a message. Mr. J always said that sending a message always leaves your victim with a smile. Maybe that was because he usually sent messages with his laughing gas."

"Are you sure you two are through?" asked Robin, "You certainly still sound like the Joker's girlfriend."

"Oh, absolutely!" said Harley, taken aback, "He sold my babies off to a dogfighting ring! My babies!"

"Alright."

Robin had to admit, if there was one thing Harley was more attached to than the Joker it was her hyenas. He looked down at the warehouse in question. Two men stood at the side door, presumably armed.

"Follow my lead," whispered Robin, running off toward the warehouse behind the trucks parked outside.

"What was that!?" cried one of the guards.

Robin leapt out from the shadow of a truck and delivered a sidekick directly to one of the men's jaws. The other went to draw his weapon, but Robin threw a batarang and knocked it out of his hand before he could even pull the safety. While the guard was still staggered from the impact, Robin punched him in the gut. The guard lurched forward as Robin slammed his knee up into the man's chin and finished him off with an elbow to the back of the head.

Robin checked over his shoulder. Harley was behind him in the shadow of the same truck. Good, she was listening to him. Robin went to open the door, only to have it fly open into his face and knock him onto his back. He grunted and looked up as a large man, towering well over 6'4, approached him.

"Robin?" he chuckled in a deep voice, "What, we're not good enough for Batman?"

Robin grunted and leapt back to his feet, charging the man. Batman had taught him how to take on opponents larger than him. Robin had to focus on his advantages. He was a smaller target, he was nimbler, and he was smarter. All he had to do was use this man's size against him.

Robin dodged the enormous man's first punch, then leapt clean over his second one. Before the man even knew what was happening, Robin had climbed up and onto his back. Robin clasped his hands together in front of the man's larynx and pulled backward.

"Ever see Princess Bride, big guy?" smirked Robin.

The man swung around and slammed his back into the side of the warehouse with all of his strength. With no time to get out of the way, Robin grunted as he was crushed between the man's shoulders and the wall. The impact loosened his grip on the man's neck. He grabbed
Robin by the wrists and flung him forward over his head, slamming Robin back first onto the concrete parking lot. Robin moaned in pain. The man lifted his foot over Robin's head.

"Good job, big man!"

The man stopped where he was and turned to look at Harley, who had just stepped out from behind the truck.

"Harley Quinn?" he asked, "The Joker's girlfriend?"

"Sure am, buster!" said Harley, walking up to the two, "And boy, do we have the proposition for you!"

"You let me bring Bird Boy back with me," she said, "Mr. J and I use him to trap the big, bad bat. Once we capture him, we bring him to you. Sounds good, right?"

"I, uh…" said the man.

"Let's shake on it," smiled Harley, offering her hand, "You and me!"

The man cautiously grabbed Harley's hand to shake it.

"Oops!" she added, "Wrong hand!"

Harley revealed a joy buzzer in her free hand and used it to grab onto the large man's wrist. He screamed in pain as electricity surged through his body. He collapsed into a twitching heap on the ground as Harley proudly took the buzzer off her hand.

"Cute," grunted Robin, as he got up, "...and thanks."

"Thank me later, Bird Brain!" said Harley, "We have my babies to save!"

So the two stormed the warehouse. Robin took out some more of Thorne's muscle as Harley followed closely behind. Robin ended up in a fist fight with two of them in a hallway. The two came at him from both sides and almost overwhelmed him, but Harley pantsed one of the two of them from behind. Robin used the distraction to dispatch them both. Harley wasn't the ideal ally, but she was capable when she needed to be.

Soon the two were at the center of the warehouse, where dozens of cages of various sizes held all sorts of animals. Robin saw everything from chimpanzees to cheetahs to crocodiles. Thorne really did want this to be an animal fighting ring unlike any other. Robin didn't want to think about the idea of them succeeding. They had to shut this down tonight.

"Alright," whispered Robin, "Let's sweep the area. Once we're sure there aren't any more thugs, we can start to quietly-"

"MY BABIES!" cried Harley, leaping out from cover and sprinting over to the cages.

"...I should have seen that one coming," sighed Robin.

Sure enough, several of Thorne's goons ran out as Harley neared the cages. From what Robin could tell, this was the last of the warehouse's personnel. Once they were taken care of, they could get the authorities here to take care of the animals. The only problem was that Harley was about to engage all of them in a fight at once right near the animals in question.

"Who's the broad in the clown costume?!" cried one guy.

"Ain't that the Joker's girl?"

"Not anymore, pally!" shouted Harley, "Starting today I'm only following one person's orders: me!"

"Nice to see you're feeling liberated," said one of the men, "Now step away from the goods."

"My babies are not your goods!" shouted Harley indignantly.

"They sure look like they are now," chuckled one of the thugs, looking to the two hyenas in the cage beside Harley.

"Shows what you know!" pouted Harley, "Why don't we ask them their opinion?"

Harley swiftly pulled a pistol out from behind her. Robin tensed up. She must have taken that off one of the goons they fought on their way in. If she killed someone with that, Robin would regret this night for the rest of his life. He ran out from behind cover and toward the standoff, not knowing what he even hoped to accomplish.

BANG!

The padlock fell to the ground in pieces as the cage door slowly swung open. The remaining men stepped back nervously as the giggling hyenas stepped out of their cage and rushed up to Harley, rubbing up against her legs. Robin stopped and sighed with relief. She had only used the gun to blow off the lock.

"Nice… Puppies…" said one of the thugs nervously.

The two hyenas' laughter turned to growling as they turned to the men and bared their teeth.

"Sick 'em!" ordered Harley.

The men all ran off screaming as the hyenas ran after them barking. Robin went to follow, but Harley held up a hand.

"Don't worry," she assured him, "Mr. J and I trained them to only bite people in the butts. It's funnier that way."

"Yeow!" shouted one of the men in the distance.

"See?" giggled Harley.

The two hyenas returned moments later, each with tatters of pants hanging out of their mouths. They rushed up to Harley and nuzzled up to her again, happily panting as she gave them pets and hugs. Robin smiled at the sight. At times, Harley really seemed to be a gentle person. Granted, those times were usually with vicious carnivores.

"Don't worry," said Robin, "We'll make sure they're taken care of."

"Of course they will be," said Harley, "I'll make sure of it! We'll find the nicest place to live and-"

"Harley," said Robin, "You have to go back to Arkham."

"What!?" yelped Harley, hugging her hyenas in close, "After all that bonding we did!?"

"Sorry," said Robin, "That's the breaks."

He knew Batman would never approve of him letting her go. Even if she seemed nice at times, her history proved her to be a dangerous and unstable criminal.

"Alright," said Harley, standing up and swooning, "If there's no other way… Take me away, copper!"

Harley held out both of her wrists to be cuffed. Robin reached one hand behind his back to grab the cuffs from his utility belt. The moment it was behind his back, Harley gave Robin a sharp shove in the shoulder. Robin stumbled to the side as Harley spun around behind his back. He felt her reach into his pants and grab the waistband of his briefs.

"Oh no…" realized Robin.

"Wedgie!"

Robin yelped as Harley yanked the elastic way up past Robin's head before snapping it over his eyes, creating an unbearable tension between his neck and the sharp pain cutting into his buttcrack while blinding him in the process. Robin gritted his teeth as he struggled to slide the elastic off, finally sighing with relief when it snapped down to his butt.

Robin looked around and saw that neither Harley nor her hyenas were anywhere to be found. He sighed in dejection and grumpily dislodged his underpants from his behind.

Robin looked over at Batman. The large, imposing man stared directly ahead. He was focused on the mission. At the moment, the mission just meant waiting. The bat signal shone against the clouds as Batman and Robin stood beside the spotlight. Sometimes Gordon used it to call them, sometimes they used it to call him. Whenever they used it to call Gordon, they ended up waiting on him.

"I reviewed your case files," said Batman calmly, not even looking at Robin.

"Yeah?"

"You let Quinn escape."

"...yeah."

"How?"

"She… Tricked me."

"You trusted her."

"...yeah."

"I understand," said Batman.

"Really?"

"Don't let it happen again," said Batman, still not looking at Robin.

Robin relaxed his muscles. Coming from Batman, that was about as good as he could have taken the news. Of course, Robin had left out the more embarrassing details in his case files. He didn't need Batman knowing about the wedgies.

"Well, well, well," said Gordon as he rounded the corner, "The Dark Knight returns."

"I was occupied," said Batman.

"Robin mentioned," said Gordon, "Is this going to be a recurring arrangement?"

"Possibly," said Batman, "Is that a problem?"

"No," said Gordon, "No, of course not. The kid did just fine. I only have one question."

"Go ahead," said Batman.

"What in God's name did he need with a torn pair of underpants from our evidence locker?"

Robin could have sworn that his heart stopped. Cold sweat trickled down his neck as he felt Batman's intense gaze gravitate toward him.

"I can explain," lied Robin desperately.