Chapter 122
Tegan was busy making her and Lindsey's early morning coffee in the kitchen when she heard a soft knock on the door. She walked over to open it and found Sara already fully dressed. "Morning" said Sara. "Hey... you're up early" said Tegan. Sara shrugged and walked in. "Come in please" said Tegan sarcastically. "How's Kate?" she asked. "She... She's okay I guess. She's sent me down to come get you. She wants to examine you" said Sara. Tegan frowned. "Okay... I'll be there in a while. I just want to have my morning tea and take a shower" said Tegan. "Tee... she wants you now" said Sara. "What... why?" frowned Tegan. Sara sighed and shook her head. "Tegan, I don't know what's going on with her" said Sara. "Why Sar what's up?" asked Tegan. "She... she's a wreck. Physically I guess she's okay but she's just all over the show emotionally. She had the worse nightmares last night" said Sara looking upset. "Oh god... what about?" asked Tegan. Sara stayed quiet for a while "I don't know" she shrugged. "Sara... what did she dream about" said Tegan. "Look it's not my place to discuss it with you... just... get up there please" said Sara becoming emotional. "Okay, okay calm down... Sara... she needs to get some trauma counseling. This thing... I don't know... it's hit her real hard" said Tegan. "Yeah... you try telling her that" said Sara. Sara's phone started ringing "Hi... okay babe I'm getting her... relax... yeah she's fine, no problems... can she take a shower first?... I promise I'll bring her straight up after that" said Sara. Tegan stared at Sara. "It was about me wasn't it?" she asked. Sara nodded, "This time yeah... Tegan I've never seen her more upset. She... she was fucking losing it... it took me an hour to calm her down" said Sara. Tegan swallowed hard and shook her head. "I guess there's a reason they don't usually let doctors treat family and friends. What did she dream?" she asked. "It's not just that... yesterday she had a nightmare about the attack. She refuses to get some sleep now... she's scared it's going to happen again. She needs that rest though... And she seems completely paranoid about you suddenly" said Sara. "What did she dream?" asked Tegan again. "She... she dreamed she lost you... she dreamed your heart stopped and she couldn't get you back... fuck Tee... she was screaming in her sleep... she was sobbing and she kept having the same dream" said Sara wiping her cheek. "She wanted to come find you in the middle of the night" said Sara. "Fuck... listen Sar... I'm taking Lindsey to the doc today and I'm seeing the psychologist. I think she should come... we need to get her help... we need to help her... after all she's done for me... I need to help her and I don't know how else I can do that" said Tegan becoming emotional. Sara was dying to tell Tegan about Kate's eye but she didn't want to upset her further and she wanted to keep the promise she made to Kate.
Tegan took a quick shower and walked up to Erin's house with Sara. They found Kate sitting at the breakfast table looking tired and worried with elbow resting on the table and her head in her hand. "Tegan" she said in a soft voice when she saw them. "Hey doc... how are you feeling?" asked Tegan. "Okay... how are you, more to the point" said Kate. "I'm great... I feel really, really good" said Tegan and smiled. Kate visibly relaxed. "Come let's go check you out" said Kate getting up. She closed her eyes and leaned on the table trying to regain her balance. "You okay Kate?" said Tegan softly. Kate cleared her throat. "Yeah... just a bit dizzy from the concussion. It's normal" said Kate. Sara helped her to the room and Kate immediately started examining Tegan. She checked a few things twice and nodded her head. "Everything seems to be fine" she said. Tegan smiled and took Kate's hand. "Sit down Katy" she said. Kate stayed standing. "Please" whispered Tegan. There were two of Tegan again suddenly. Kate sat down next to her. "I'm going to see Violet today" said Tegan. "Good" said Kate. "Why don't you come with me?" said Tegan. "Uh... okay... do you not feel well? I understand, you're not comfortable yet without medical help" said Kate. "No... no it's not that Kate. You've been through a lot and..." Tegan got cut off by Kate. "Did Sara put you up to this? I'm fine Tegan, don't you worry about me" said Kate. "Kate... hear me out please... just hear me out, I think you owe me that" said Tegan. Kate looked down and nodded. "What happened at the courthouse... that was traumatic and you know as well as I do... well better than I do, that you need to talk to somebody about this. You need trauma counseling. And it's not just this Kate, it's months of severe emotional trauma" said Tegan. Kate just shook her head and looked up. "Katy... you're the one that convinced me that I needed help... please... please just talk to someone. Sara... well she's obviously worried sick about you and I know you don't want that. Please Kate... do it for Sara" said Tegan softly while squeezing Kate's hand. Kate burst out in tears. "I don't know what's going on with me Tegan... I... I just... I can't..." whimpered Kate. "It's okay... it's okay... it's normal... let's get you help buddy. You're going to be just fine... we all are" said Tegan patting Kate's hand. "I'm scared to talk about it... I don't even know what it is that I need to talk about but... fuck... something's not right Tee" said Kate through her tears. "Come with us today... we'll get you help" said Tegan. "No... I'm sure they're fully booked anyway and..." said Kate. "Kate... you're not just somebody off the street. They'll make time for you okay... I'm going to phone Violet right now and see if she can fit you in... or maybe there's somebody else" said Tegan. Kate stayed quiet as her tears subsided. "Okay?" said Tegan softly lifting Kate's chin. "Okay" whispered Kate as Tegan pulled her into a hug.
Kate and Sara sat in the waiting room of the beautiful consulting rooms while Tegan and Lindsey were seeing Adison. Kate was glad they got to go to the consulting rooms and not Violet's office at the hospital, that was the last place she needed to see today. Sara smiled at Kate. "You okay baby?" she asked softly. Kate nodded and closed her eyes trying to normalise her breathing. Her ribs still hurt like hell and she wiped the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand, a combination of pain and stress. "Everything's okay... just relax and take deep breaths" said Sara. "I'm sorry about last night Sar" said Kate. "What are you talking about sweetie? You have nothing to be sorry about!" said Sara. "You don't need to go through that kind of shit on top of everything you've been through" said Kate shaking her head. "Hey, hey! I'm here for you no matter what okay. I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much baby... let's just get you better" said Sara. "Kate... Violet's ready for you now" smiled the receptionist. "Here we go" said Kate and slowly got up. "I'll walk you in" said Sara. She put her arm around Kate's waist and guided her to Violet's office. "I'll be right outside sweetie. You're so brave. I love you... always know that" whispered Sara before entering the door.
Tegan and Lindsey were seated in front of Adison's desk when she walked in fast. "Sorry I'm a bit late guys... I had an emergency. How are you two doing?" smiled Adison putting on her white coat. "We're both great thanks" said Lindsey. "Have you been following orders and staying still?" asked Adison. "Yes! It's been... challenging but I promise you... I've been in bed for the last few days" said Lindsey. "Good! Anything we should be concerned about?" asked Adison. "Not that I could pick up. No dizziness, just a few of those practice contractions. Babies have been very active. A bit of nausea every now and then but nothing too hectic" said Lindsey. "Good... and you've been monitoring your BP?" asked Adison. "Yeah, it hasn't been out of the acceptable range once!" said Tegan proudly. Adison smiled at Tegan. "Great news, thank you Dr Quin" she winked. "Okay... why don't you get into the gown and onto the table. I'll be back in a few minutes" said Adison.
Tegan held Lindsey's hand as they waited for Adison to return. "We should phone the movers when we get home" said Tegan. "Yup... and the decorators. Do you have any ideas for the baby room?" asked Lindsey. "Yeah I have a few" smiled Tegan. Adison entered the room. "Let's see what these two are up to" she smiled as she fiddled with the ultrasound machine. She squirted some gel onto Lindsey's belly and started rolling the ultrasound probe around. "Would you look at that big boy!" she smiled. "Good strong heartbeat... there you can see the heart... bladder... spine's forming perfectly... he's just perfect from what I can see" smiled Adison and moved the probe to the girl. "Again a nice strong heartbeat. Hey girl get your foot out of the way she laughed. There we go... everything measures just fine. Both are still a bit small for their age but that's to be expected" said Adison. Tegan was in tears yet again. "It's amazing" she smiled. "You must be feeling super uncomfortable by now Linds?" asked Adison. "Pretty much... carrying twins is hard work" she joked. "I'm very happy with their progress. Let's just make sure you carry them as long as possible" said Adison taking Lindsey's BP. "Looks okay... pulse is quite fast which is normal too, your heart is just working harder helping your body grow these two" said Adison. "Here you go Tegan, some pictures for your collection" said Adison handing Tegan some ultrasound image printouts. Tegan grinned from ear to ear. Tegan and Lindsey were seated at the desk again after Adison did an internal examination, took a blood sample and weighed Lindsey. "You're picking up weight nicely but you're still under the desired weight on the curve" said Adison pointing at a chart. Lindsey nodded. "I'll eat more?" she said. "I'm going to give you some nutritional shakes. Have those in-between meals please and keep checking that BP. I'll phone you if there's anything to be concerned about with the blood tests. You're allowed to move around again but please take it very easy. And I mean very easy please" said Adison. "Don't worry, I'll make sure she doesn't overdo it" smiled Tegan.
Sara left Kate standing in front of one of the couches in Violet's office. Violet walked over to Kate. "Hey Kate" she smiled. Kate's chin instantly started trembling. Violet pulled her into a wordless hug that lasted a minute. Kate shook in her arms. "Okay... let's get you comfortable" said Violet gently guiding Kate down. "Lie down, it will be better for your ribs" she smiled. Kate was like a little girl suddenly and did as instructed. Violet put a blanket over her. "I've ordered you some tea" she said. "Thank you" said Kate. Violet sat down in a nearby chair. "You've had a rough couple of days" she said. Kate didn't reply. "How are you feeling?" she said. "Okay... my head spins all the time and my ribs hurt" said Kate. "And emotionally?" said Violet. Kate shook her head and looked out of the window. "I don't know... not good" she whispered. "Do you want to talk about it" said Violet. "No... not really but I promised them I'd see someone" said Kate. "You're here now so you might as well?" said Violet. "I've been fine... I don't know how I can suddenly be losing my shit in such a spectacular fashion" said Kate sounding annoyed. "How's that?... tell me what's been going on Kate" said Violet. "I've just... I've been having nightmares... and I'm so paranoid. And I'm having flashbacks that I don't know how to deal with" said Kate. "What are you paranoid about Kate?" asked Violet. "Death... Losing them... hurting them... and... my eye may have permanent damage... I keep thinking I'm never going to be able to do what I love again... but maybe that's not such a bad thing because I'm suddenly petrified of going back to work. I... I just can't deal with so much pain and suffering anymore... and I feel so selfish for and so confused... I'm so fucking confused Violet. I feel lost... so lost and I'm scared of losing the one person that's been so instrumental in carrying me through this so far... I'm scared I'm pushing her away and I never want to lose her" said Kate and started crying again.
Kate was in Violet's office a long time and Tegan sat next to Sara trying to keep her calm. "She's going to okay Sar... she always is" said Tegan softly. "I know... I just hate seeing her this broken" said Sara. "You've really fallen hard for her haven't you?" said Tegan. "That's an understatement! I'm so in love I can't see straight... excuse the pun" laughed Sara. "You're so good for each other. I'm so happy you two finally found each other" smiled Tegan. "Thanks Tee... you nervous about your appointment?" asked Sara eyeing Tegan's bouncing knee. "Nah... not really, I've kind of made peace with it. It's not nice but... you know... it's like any medicine. Tastes like crap but it makes you better" smiled Tegan. "I'm just excited about getting on with my life. This is just one more little hurdle I have to get over" said Tegan. "I can't wait to meet my niece and nephew" smiled Sara. "I know right... It's going to be such fun" said Tegan. "Are we rehearsing tomorrow?" asked Sara. "Yeah, we really have to. I'm nowhere near ready... not even close. I've been working on the set list last night. It's loooong... but I just feel that this is a special show, I don't know what to pick" said Tegan. "So what if it's long... we can make it as long as we want. Let's work on it this afternoon?" said Sara. The door to Violet's office opened and Violet led Kate out by the arm. Kate looked like hell. She still had the horrible looking white cast over her nose and her non-swollen eye was red and puffy. It was obvious that there had been a lot of tears during the session. Sara jumped up and walked towards them. "I'll see you again tomorrow Kate. You've done really well today. Go home and get some rest okay. Please take one of the sleeping pills I prescribed tonight, it's important that you get some sleep... Kate?" said Violet. Kate stared out in front of her like a zombie but seemed to snap out of it when Violet said her name again. Kate nodded and smiled a half hearted smile. She sat down on one of the waiting area couches and rubbed her temples. Her head was throbbing and she felt weak. "Sara, can I have a quick word?" said Violet. "I'll be back in a minute sweetie" said Sara and left Kate with Tegan who had her arm around Kate's back softly talking to her. "Sara... she's going to be fragile for a while. Just be there for her. I'm giving you the sleeping pills, please make sure she takes one tonight she really needs some sleep" said Violet. "Is she going to be okay" said Sara sounding emotional. "Yes... just give it time... she'll work through it. Try and get her mind off things. Watch a movie? Play her some music? But if she wants to talk, let her" nodded Violet. "And what if she has another nightmare?" said Sara. "These pills will hopefully prevent it but chances are quite high of it happening again. Just try and calm her down. Wake her up as soon as possible if it happens. Make her feel safe. Put her at ease. I know it's really difficult for you Sara but you're what she needs right now" smiled Violet. "What about the paranoia... she's constantly checking on Tegan although Tegan's doing great. Should we humor her?" asked Sara. "For now... yes... not when it's unreasonable like in the middle of the night but let her take care of Tegan. It makes her feel safe right now and we need her to stay as calm as possible. I'll see her at home tomorrow, I have an appointment in the area anyway. I need you to make sure she sticks to her appointments going forward... she needs to see this through okay. Sara... it's important that you keep seeing your therapist too. You're going through a lot" said Violet. "Yeah... of course... Okay... thank you Doctor.. thank you" said Sara. "It's Violet... and you're welcome Sara. Take good care of her okay. She's very special" smiled Violet. "Oh I intend to" said Sara. "Tegan" called Violet. "Wish me luck" said Tegan and got up. She gave Kate a massive smile and a wink before bending down and kissing Lindsey. "Go home Sar... the driver can come back to pick me up... take Linds with you" she said. "I'm not going anywhere?" said Lindsey paging through a baby magazine.
Tegan walked in with a smile. "What's up doc" she said and casually plonked down on one of the chairs. "You seem to be feeling a bit better" said Violet. "I'm great... I'm worried about Kate but other than that I'm really doing well" said Tegan. "Uh huh... I'm glad to hear that. It's normal to have some highs and lows" said Violet. "Pffff... I'm not having more lows okay. Life's good" said Tegan taking one of the biscuits on the coffee table and biting into it. "Mmm no wonder you charge so much these are good" said Tegan. Violet chuckled. "Glad you're enjoying them Tegan... what do you want to talk about today?" asked Violet. "Meh... nothing specific" shrugged Tegan. "Tegan, last time I saw you there were quite a few things you were having a difficult time with. I don't want to be the party pooper but sweeping them under the rug is not going to help you" said Violet. Tegan put her second biscuit down and looked out of the window seemingly annoyed. "Okay then... why don't you pick" said Tegan. "No I want you to pick Tegan" said Violet. Tegan kept quiet, so did Violet. Tegan got up and walked to the window. "Take your time" said Violet calmly. Tegan paced up and down biting her bottom lip. "Ummm... I just don't know why we have to bring these things up again. I'm getting over it" said Tegan after a while. Violet was quiet. Tegan sat down on the couch and swung her legs up, she gave a weak cough. She lay back down and put her arm over her eyes. "I don't know if I want to continue with our band..." she blurted out. "Why's that?" asked Violet. "Because... I don't think I can do it anymore... I don't think I can sing well anymore... I don't know how this fucked up illness affected my voice... There's that and... fame... well I never asked for fame I just wanted to make a living out of playing music and right now it's... it's hurting people close to me... people like Kate... innocent people. They don't deserve that... Kate didn't deserve tp get hurt... I don't know if I want that intense scrutiny anymore... being treated like public property... I don't want my kids followed by paps... but... but on the other hand... it's all I know... It's what I love... I'm having a hard time even imagining not doing it anymore... God I love doing it... I love it so much... but I have a family to think of now... I have my kids to think of and I don't want to be on the road all the time... I don't want to be away from them... but... It pays the bills too you know... It's what's securing their future and I don't know what else to do... It's all I'm good at. I don't want to let Sara down... I can't let Sara down... I just don't know anymore... I don't know what will happen the first time I get up in front of a crowd again... I'm afraid... I have flashbacks of that night... and every time I think of it that fear just boils up in me again... that intense fear I had that night... that horrible feeling that something was wrong. But... I long for it... I pine for the stage... that magic that happens when everything just goes right... the special connection I have with Sara when we make music together" Tegan was suddenly rambling, a million thoughts spilling from her brain and rushing out of her mouth.
A/N: I really want as many reviews as possible this time guys. I need some feedback please! Remember you can't comment anonymously too, you don't need to register.