Chapter 123
Kate rubbed her eyes like a tired child and sighed as Sara sat down next to her. "You okay sweetie?" asked Sara softly. Kate gave a weak smile and nodded. "Let's get you home" whispered Sara and kissed Kate's hand. Sara got up and pulled Kate up. A teenage girl and her mother entered the waiting area. "Oh wow its Sara!" smiled the girl. Sara smiled at her. "Hi Sara, would you mind if I got a photo with you? I'm a big fan. Is Tegan around?" asked the fan. "Sure! Tegan isn't available right now but maybe you'll run into her on your way out" she said. Kate stood frozen in one spot. She felt her breathing and heart rate speed up. She tried her best to stay calm but she was terrified. She felt increasingly more out of breath, her ribs screaming in pain. Sara posed with the girl and autographed a piece of paper. "Please tell Tegan we miss you guys and I hope she gets well soon. Can't wait for your show! One more photo?" said the girl and put her arm around Sara as the mother clicked away. Kate felt anxiety build up in her chest and put her shaking hands in front of her mouth before moving them to her eyes. Lindsey glanced up at her concerned. She suddenly couldn't take it anymore and leapt forward. "Okay... that's enough now... please move away from her... Just... get away from her" said Kate sounding emotional standing between the two of them. "Kate its okay, it's just a photo" said Sara tentatively. "I... I just don't want you to get hurt" breathed Kate. "Sweetie... nobody's hurting me. It's okay just relax" said Sara. The girl looked scared suddenly. Sara smiled. "It's okay... you didn't do anything wrong" she smiled at the girl. "Jennifer... the doctor will see you now" said the receptionist and the girl smiled at Sara and thanked her before disappearing into one of the rooms.
Kate was now sitting next to Lindsey with her head in her hands. "What the fuck was that... where did that come from?" she whispered. "It's okay Katy... everything's okay" whispered Lindsey with her hand on Kate's back. "Yeah... let's get out of here... Sar... I'm really sorry... I'm so sorry" said Kate and got up fast. She walked towards the door but was clearly off balance and disorientated. The image blurred again and the room tilted. She stumbled into the reception desk and flinched. "Sweetie take it easy, don't want you to hurt yourself" said Sara trying to help Kate. Kate now had her head on her arms leaning on the counter, her breathing fast and rapid. "Kate... are you okay" said Sara concerned. Kate nodded and straightened her back. As soon as she was upright the dizziness overcame her and she stumbled into Sara's arms. "I need some help here please" said Sara calmly to the receptionist as she hung onto a limp Kate. A male doctor came jogging out of his office and put his arms under Kate's armpits and gently brought her down into a sitting position on the ground. It was clear he knew Kate from somewhere. "Kate... hey just relax okay... we'll take care of you" he said. Addison was there the next minute. "Kate... look at me... look at me" she said calmly. Kate was irritable, confused and short of breath. "I'm not liking this let's get her into an exam room" said Addison. "No... just leave me alone... just fuck off" said Kate annoyed. "Baby please... just let them make sure you're okay" said Sara. Kate felt the room spin and nausea creep over her. "I'm okay" she said softly, defeated. They helped her up and sat her down in a wheel chair after a bit of a fight. "Sara! Sara please... stay" said Kate desperately. "Of course I'm staying silly" smiled Sara trying to calm Kate down.
Tegan was lying on her side on the couch in Violet's office, she stared out in front of her in silence. "Tegan... I don't think this is the right time for you to be making such a major life decision" said Violet. "Yeah... I won't make any decisions now but I need to think about it... start making a pros and cons list" said Tegan emotionless. She shook her head as if to snap out of it. "God I'm nervous about this decision... and I'm nervous about the show. But I'm doing it... there's no way I'm not doing that show. Whether it's my last one... or the first one in a string of new ones" she shrugged. Tegan discussed a few more issues with Violet before getting up. "Can I have another cookie?" she smiled. "You can have as many cookies as you want Tegan" smiled Violet. "You did well today... I think we've addressed quite a few issues. I hope you're feeling a bit more equipped and relaxed" said Violet. "Yeah... I feel in control. And that's where I feel safe. All good... thanks for listening" smiled Tegan.
Kate was on an exam table with Addison and Dr Wilder fiddling around her. She was close to tears and looked dejected. She was pale and her lips had a blue tint. "Pete get a pulse ox and a BP" said Addison. "You know where you are right now Kate?" asked Addison. "Yeah" said Kate. "Where?" pushed Addison. "Um... the hospital" said Kate. "No... we're just at the consulting rooms but you're close enough" said Addison. "She's confused, what's her sats?" said Addison looking at Pete. "Pulse ox low... 90% she's becoming hypoxic. Slow capillary return time on finger tips too " said Pete. "You're not oxygenating so well Kate... just breathe... there we go... in and out" said Addison. "I've... I've just had an emotional morning" mumbled Kate. "Uh huh... breathe in... deep" instructed Addison. "BP's 100 over 60" reported Pete. "Lungs sound okay bilaterally, no fluid build-up that I can pick up. I think we need a chest X-ray just to make sure" said Addison. "Guys... I'm fine... I just had a bit of trouble breathing" said Kate. "Obviously" said Pete. "Just calm down now... try and take nice deep breaths" said Addison putting an oxygen mask on Kate's face. Kate closed her eyes and tried to relax as Sara stroke her hair. Tears crept through the slid in her closed lids. They did a few more tests including a chest x-ray. "I think your oxygen levels are low because you've had an emotional morning of not breathing right! Does it hurt to breathe?" said Addison. "Yeah... it hurts" whispered Kate looking out of it. "Did you take your pain killers this morning?" asked Pete. "No" whispered Kate after a few seconds silence. "Sweetie why not?" asked Sara looking alarmed. "I... I just didn't want to feel all out of it during my appointment with Violet okay" said Kate. "Do they make you feel out of it?" asked Addison. "Kinda yeah" said Kate. "You don't want to fall asleep isn't it" said Sara softly. Kate just shook her head. "I'm going to give you a bit of local anaesthetic into those ribs... just so you can breathe better for a few hours" said Pete. "Relax... just breathe the oxygen for an hour or so then you can go if there's an improvement in your pulse ox" said Addison. Kate just nodded. "Just normalise your breathing... you know what to do... and try and get some rest, looks as if you've had an emotional morning" said Addison. "I'm sorry Sara" whispered Kate under the mask as the doctors left the room. "Shhhh... just breathe now" said Sara and kissed Kate's forehead. "Everything's going to be okay... shhhhh" she whispered.
Tegan left Violet's office after a long but productive session. Lindsey got up when she saw her and pulled her into a hug. "Everything okay boo?" she smiled. "Yeah... that was a good session. Everything's okay. Let's go home" said Tegan. "We just need to wait for Kate and Sara" said Lindsey. "What do you mean... I thought they went home long ago" said Tegan with a frown. "Well... they were on their way but Kate had a bit of an... episode... she's got trouble with her oxygen levels. Apparently she's not breathing right because of pain and she's not taking her pain killers because she doesn't want to sleep due to the nightmares" said Lindsey. "Fuck... so it's one big vicious circle" said Tegan upset. Violet walked out of her office briskly after having a talk to Addison. "Violet... Kate is" said Tegan after her. "I'm on it" said Violet over her shoulder.
After a discussion with Violet followed by ninety minutes of breathing oxygen and forcing herself awake Kate was allowed to go home. She didn't say a word on the ride home and stared out of the window in an almost catatonic state while holding Sara's hand tight. Tegan gave Sara a worried look. As soon as they the car stopped at home she got out and started walking into the house. She stopped after a few steps as the double vision returned. "Fuck... always something" she said crouched over. "It's okay sweetie... hold on to me" said Sara softly. It was clear that Kate used everything in her to keep herself together for Sara's sake. "Let's watch a movie" said Kate trying to downplay the whole ordeal. "Okay... I'll make us some popcorn... you make yourself comfy" said Tegan. Sara led Kate into the fancy home cinema room. The screen was almost the size of a normal cinema and it had big leather recliners and couches with blankets and pillows. "Are you okay... comfy?" asked Sara. "Sara just stop fussing over me... I'm fine" said Kate annoyed. She immediately felt like a dick after the words left her mouth. "I'm sorry Sar..." she whispered. Sara sat down next to her and pulled her closer. "It's okay... I understand you're frustrated" said Sara. Tegan arrived with the popcorn and Kate immediately started gobbling it down trying to keep herself awake. "Easy! We want some too you know" smiled Sara. About ten minutes into the movie Kate lost the battle against exhaustion. Her eyes closed and her mouth fell open, her hand was still in the popcorn bowl. Sara looked at her and smiled but felt emotion building up in her throat. "You're okay sweetie" she whispered softly. "She sleeping?" asked Tegan looking over. Sara nodded "Finally... just keep the movie going she'll sleep through it" whispered Sara. Kate slept in Sara's arms for 95% of the reasonably long movie. She seemed calm and she was breathing okay. Sara felt a bit more relaxed. During the closing credits Kate gave a quick gasp and opened her eyes. "Okay... it's okay" said Sara fast. Kate nodded. "You had a nice nap!" said Sara smiling. "Yeah, That was nice... I needed it... did I miss the movie?" said Kate. "Sorry" said Sara. "I didn't have a nightmare. I just dreamt about jumping into a pool" said Kate and smiled. "Coolio... Glad to hear that. How's the breathing?" smiled Sara. "Much better... we can check my pulse ox later but I can feel its better. I'm not out of breath anymore" she smiled. "I'm glad we didn't pay for you to watch this movie, you were out before the main character even appeared on screen" said Tegan and threw Kate with some popcorn. Kate shrugged. "Meh... it was shit anyway" said Tegan. Kate tried to get a blurry image of Tegan back into focus to make a quick visual assessment of her condition. "You okay Tee?" she said. "Yes... I'm more than okay, I'm great" smiled Tegan. Kate took Tegan's word for it and seemed okay for the first time that day. "I'm starving" said Tegan and got up. "I wonder if Erin's back from her meeting" she said. With that Erin walked into the room. "Hey lazy bones. Are you all okay?" said Erin. "Yeah yeah we're fine" said Kate. "Great! Good news, script got the green light" said Erin. "As if we ever doubted it would" said Tegan rolling her eyes. "Congrats! Can I read it yet?" she said. "Here you go... remember our discussion in Hawaii Tee" said Erin and winked. She handed Tegan and Sara a script each and smiled.
Lindsey and Tegan slowly walked down to the guest house hand in hand. "Ready for the decorators?" smiled Tegan. "Sooo ready! Can't wait!" said Lindsey and leaned over to give Tegan a peck on the cheek. "And tomorrow morning we have our first pre-natal classes... then we have to rehearse and then..." said Tegan before being cut off by Lindsey. "You... need to take it easy Tegan" she said seriously. "I'm fine Linds I promise I'm not overdoing it" said Tegan. "That's what you think!" said Lindsey. "Okay... I'll take it as easy as possible! Oh crap I forgot the physio is coming over this afternoon too... but I'm chilling from late afternoon all the way to early morning!" said Tegan. "I'm serious Tee... Please don't push it too much" said Lindsey. "I won't honey... I feel fantastic, I'm fine I promise" said Tegan. Minutes later the design team showed up to discuss Tegan and Lindsey's new home. Tegan was completely pre-occupied with the baby room and playroom. Nothing else really seemed to matter. "The lounge? Anything you want sweetie" she said when Lindsey asked about it. "So I was thinking a Safari theme for the kids with soft beiges, monkeys, elephants" said Tegan. "Giraffes" laughed Lindsey and tickled Tegan in the ribs as she mentioned Tegan's favourite animal. Tegan giggled "Yeah... how'd you guess. I just think it could work for a boy and girl. Or maybe we should just do neutrals for the bedroom and the theme for the playroom" said Tegan paging through a book with ideas. "They're kicking" smiled Lindsey. "Hey kids... we're just planning your room! What do you want? Some Smashing Pumpkins posters?" said Tegan with her hands on Lindsey's stomach. "Over my dead body" laughed Lindsey. "Sorry kids, you'll have to wait till you're three for the posters" joked Tegan. "We could do a music theme... like an airy pastel kinda vibe?" said Lindsey. "Sounds cool! We're going to let you guys come up with some ideas, but do it fast please. We really want everything ready for when the babies arrive" smiled Tegan. An hour later the decorators left with plenty of work to do. "Don't worry guys... we've got a very clear idea of what you like and we're going to make sure we make your new home amazing inside. Just trust us" said the guy.
Kate tried her best to eat something substantial but struggled. She just didn't have an appetite. She went to lie down again after lunch, she felt much more relaxed about falling asleep again after her dreamless nap. Sara crawled into bed next to her and kissed her while standing on her hands and knees. "I've missed you" she smiled. "I'm so ugly with this cast and bruises right now I can't believe you're kissing me" joked Kate. "You... are the most gorgeous... incredible... stunning human being on the face of the earth Katherine" said Sara and snuck in another kiss. Kate smiled and blushed shyly. "You're so good for me Sara... I'm sorry for all this shit I've been putting you through" said Kate. "What! I'm the one who should be sorry... if it wasn't for me you'd be healthy and fit and happy right now" said Sara. "I am happy" smiled Kate. Sara nodded, not convinced. "I'm a bit on edge... and worried... and emotional... but I'm happy because you're here with me... I'm happy" smiled Kate. "I'm happy if you're happy. I'll be even happier when you're healthy and pain free again" said Sara. Kate nodded. "I'll get there... Sara... I'm not a jealous person... I really am not. I just... today... that image of a fan attacking you just came back and I lost it... I just don't want anybody hurting you ever again... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry it was uncalled for" said Kate. "Don't mention it... I understand completely baby... It wasn't jealousy... it was fear. You just take your time dealing with this okay. I'm here for you. Right here" said Sara kissing Kate's hair. "Anyway... I thought it was sweet... and kind of hot how you wanted to protect me" smiled Sara. "Well you're worth protecting treasure" said Kate and kissed Sara. Kate was starting to feel sleepy again after another pain pill and she drifted away slowly in Sara's arms. Sara lay quietly holding Kate, feeling her steady breathing under her arms. She worried, she wanted Kate to be okay, to get over this fear. She wanted her pain to go away and she knew there was only so much she could do to help her. She felt powerless.
An hour later Kate started stirring and mumbling in her sleep again. "Get away from her... get away... hurt you? Sara..." she mumbled. Sara felt fear course through her veins. "Kate wake up" she said loudly and shook her. Kate gasped and opened her eyes breathing fast. "Sara... Sara" she said. "I'm here... you're okay baby... everything's fine just breathe" said Sara. She felt Kate relax in her arms. "Fuck... I thought the nightmares were gone" said Kate and started crying. "It's okay... just relax" said Sara trying her best to comfort Kate. "Okay... I'm not going to let this upset me further... I'm not! It's over Kate get a fucking grip" said Kate to herself. "Hey... look at me Katy... look at me" said Sara and took Kate's face in her hands. "You don't always have to be the strong one... you don't! Don't be so hard on yourself. You know... after... after the abduction... I had the same problems... I had so many nightmares, each one so fucking real. It was torture... but it got better. I took a while but it got better and now I hardly ever get them. It will get better sweetie. Keep seeing Violet... it will help... Just give it time" said Sara softly. "I know... it just sucks and they come every time I think they're gone..." said Kate. "We're all safe Kate. Everyone's fine... they're just nightmares okay. Keep reminding yourself of that" said Sara playing with a strand of Kate's hair. Kate just nodded. Sara pulled up Kate's shirt and put her hand softly over the massive bruise on Kate's ribs. Kate pulled her breath in fast. "Are you hurting my angel?" asked Sara. "Yeah... a little... pain meds wearing off" said Kate. "I'm just going to ask the physio to tape me up when she comes to see Tegan. It should help" said Kate.
Tegan plonked down on the couch after an exhausting physio session. "Fuck she worked me hard today... but she says I'm getting there. Strength almost back to normal. I've just got to keep working it" said Tegan. "Good news! Babe let's just order a pizza or something tonight. We're both tired and I kind of just want to veg out with you tonight" said Lindsey. "You got it... I've been craving pizza for weeks" smiled Tegan. "I'm craving pickles and peanut butter ice cream... sour, sweet and salty all at once" said Lindsey. "Never fear sweetheart... I'm gonna get you those pickles and ice cream" said Tegan getting up. "No... just stay here with me... you're my biggest craving... my number one heartthrob!" smiled Lindsey pulling Tegan back down. Tegan started kissing her neck. "God you're hot... you've got my hormones raging" laughed Lindsey. "I'm sure it's the pregnancy that's got your hormones raging boo" said Tegan still kissing. "Nope... it's all you sexy" said Lindsey pulling Tegan's face up and attacking her lips with her own.
Kate sat on the bed as Sara held her arm up for the physio to put some kineseology tape over her ribs. She gritted her teeth. "This should make it a bit easier to breathe. I'm going to give you a minute and then we'll start with some breathing exercises" smiled the therapist. "You don't have to... I didn't have an appointment or anything" said Kate. "It's no problem, I've got time. I just want to help you get better soon" she said and proceeded treating Kate. "Everybody at that hospital just adores you" said Sara after the physio left. "She was just being nice" said Kate. "It's not difficult to see why they adore you... you're so kind, and professional, and inspiring... and smart... and amazing... and lovely" said Sara as she started softly kissing Kate's healthy cheek. "and sexy..." she whispered. Sara felt Kate's pulse quicken under her fingers in Kate's neck. Kate moved her face down and nuzzled Sara's neck. "You're everything I've ever wanted Sara... I love you... I adore you" she whispered. "Ditto! Let's get you into a nice hot shower" said Sara. "I was just starting to have fun" smiled Kate. "Baby... I have to hold myself back because what I want to do with you will have you heaving... gasping for air... and we don't want you in pain" laughed Sara. "I don't care... you make me forget all about the pain" smiled Kate. Sara kissed her again. "Soon sweetie... let's just get you better first" said Sara. "Nooo I want you" moaned Kate. Sara shook her head. "I'm fine! I feel much better" said Kate, her face begging. "It's true what they say that Doctors make the worst patients" laughed Sara. "Shower with me" whispered Kate. "Okay... but no monkey business" said Sara sternly. "Just a little monkey business?" winked Kate. "You... are a naughty... naughty monkey" said Sara between kisses. "With broken bones... a bruised liver and breathing difficulty... so... take it easy please. I don't want you passing out on me in the shower" said Sara pulling Kate up. "Fuck I hate being... incapacitated. I finally have the woman of my dreams that I want to make love to all the time and I can't... isn't that ironic" said Kate sitting on the side of the bed. "It will make it that much better when you're well again" smiled Sara standing in front of Kate with her arms folded. "Boy am I in luck... I get to see two of you every now and again" laughed Kate and rubbed her healthy eye. "I'm glad to see your state of mind is better" said Sara laughing. "It's all you Sar... where would I be without you" said Kate pulling Sara close. She put her arms around Sara and put her cheek against her stomach. "I can't wait for my future with you Sara" she said softly. "Me too sweetie... I want it all... I want to move in with you... I want to have kids with you and..." said Sara stopping mid sentence. "I'm sorry I... I don't even know how you feel about those things... I'm sorry for just assuming that..." said Sara. Kate looked up into Sara's eyes. "I want all of that too... and of course I want kids... I want a whole hockey team" laughed Kate. "Well... I don't know about a whole hockey team... maybe just enough for a band" winked Sara.
A/N: Ahhh what a long, soppy chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. Review please!