Chapter 125
Sara held Kate's hand as the nurse removed the few stitches in her lip and above her eye. "Nice, looks as if the swelling is mostly gone. Have you had any dizzy spells or headaches in the last 2 days" asked Derek Shepherd. "Feint headache and a bit of dizziness but nothing to worry about" said Kate. "Why don't you let me decide if we should worry about it or not" said Derek checking Kate's reflexes. Kate sighed and looked nervous. "Book her in for a head CT please, the ophthalmologist will need it anyway" said Derek. "You just take it easy till they come get you Dr Morgan" winked Derek and left the room. "Good thing you're into girls... he's quite the hottie" laughed Sara trying to get Kate to relax. Kate just smiled and looked down. "It's okay sweetie... you're going to be fine" said Sara softly. "Yeah... I hope so" said Kate.
Tegan and Lindsey returned from their shopping expedition and lunch and plonked down onto the couch looking exhausted. "Wow that was exciting... but hard work" laughed Tegan. It was a quiet week morning and a school day and they didn't have too much trouble with fans. Tegan started unpacking the shopping bags. "It's all becoming a reality now" smiled Lindsey. "This stuff is so, so tiny... I can't believe they're going to fit into this" said Tegan. "And they'll probably drown in it at first" said Lindsey. "This is just the cutest thing ever" said Tegan holding up a pair of skinny baby jeans and a mini Doors T-shirt. "Did you ever play with dolls Tee" asked Lindsey. Tegan blushed. "Yeah I did actually. Sara was never really into it but I did... I made her play along" said Tegan. "I can just imagine little Tegan playing with her dolly" mocked Lindsey. Tegan just shrugged. "Now I'm getting two real dolls" she smiled. "Why don't you go get a bit of rest before your rehearsals" said Lindsey. "I'm fine Linds" said Tegan. "I know baby... but I also know you're going to be busy this afternoon and I just want you to be well rested" said Lindsey. Tegan sighed and smiled "Okay... only if you come with me" she said.
Kate and Sara sat in front of Anna the eye specialists' desk. She pointed some things out on scans and tests results. "So in conclusion... you're doing really well. Your vision is improving a lot but we still don't have a definitive answer on how long it will be till you're hundred percent. However, chances are about 80% right now of a complete recovery. Those odds are in your favor Kate" said Anna . Kate smiled a tentative smile. "That's good news sweetie" said Sara and smiled at Kate. "Yeah... good news" said Kate but she still looked as if she was going to burst out into tears any second. Kate thanked Anna and scheduled her next appointment before walking down the hospital hallway in silence. "Dr Morgan... I was hoping we can have a word" she heard and spun around. Her boss, Dr Weber was standing in front of her. "Uhm... sure... Sara, do you want to go grab a coffee, I'll meet you in the cafeteria" said Kate. "Okay... I can come with if you want?" said Sara. "No... I don't think my girl babysitting me will go down well with the Chief" said Kate. "Chief?" said Kate. "Let's go to my office" said Weber. Kate swallowed hard and went a bit pale, she knew this wasn't meant to be a casual catch up talk. "So... Kate... I'm glad to see you're feeling a bit better" said Weber. "Thank you sir" smiled Kate. "I had a talk to your doctors and" said Weber before getting cut off by Kate. "Chief... with all due respect... I didn't give you consent to do that?" said Kate. "You're a patient in this hospital Kate and that gives me the right to..." said Weber before being cut off again. "I'm also your employee and it's my right not to have to share my medical records with you" said Kate in anger. "Okay, okay Kate... I apologise... is it really such a big deal?" asked Weber. "No sir it's not... It's a matter of principle. I just feel that I deserve a bit of privacy" said Kate. "Can we get past this please... I've apologised" said Weber. "Sure..." said Kate sarcastically. "Kate... your relationship with Sara Quin... as your mentor and your boss... I feel I have a responsibility towards you to warn you that you are skating on very thin ice here... You really need to consider your reputation and your career" said Weber. Kate stared at him looking dumbfounded. "I don't believe you... My career has nothing to do with Sara... it's completely unrelated... Sara makes me happy, Sara... well... for the first time in years I actually feel alive again. And my reputation? What does my relationship with Sara have to do with my reputation as a doctor" said Kate. "Okay... I just want you to be careful Kate... You're in the tabloids... Dating a rockstar... well that's just a distraction. You are this hospital's star doctor and I don't want to lose you. I don't want her hurting you" said Weber. "Well you obviously don't know Sara at all... she'll never purposefully hurt me... Have you ever thought about the fact that perhaps I need a distraction? And by the way she's much more than a distraction... way more. I love her. Sara's not going anywhere so I suggest you make peace with that... Stop treating me like your teenage daughter and you won't lose me" said Kate. She was livid, her nostrils flared in anger. "I'm sorry Kate... that was uncalled for. I just want what's best for you" said Weber. "Sara is what's best for me... Since you looked at my file... when can I come back to work" said Kate. Weber scoffed "When you're well enough" he said. Kate took a deep frustrated breath. "You need to get the all clear from neuro, ophalmology and most importantly... psych" said Weber. Kate jumped up in frustration and tried to hide the stabbing pain she felt in her ribs. "So now you think I'm a nut job?" said Kate loudly with her hands in the air. "Far from it... Dr Morgan... calm down... you've been through a lot these last few months. It's understandable that you'll be going through a rough patch emotionally. You go home now and sort yourself out physically as well as mentally and then we can talk... meanwhile, I would just enjoy the break if I was you... you're still receiving full pay" said Weber. "Yeah... I guess" said Kate, defeated. "Kate... you're the best we have... I'm not going to lose you. I want you happy, but I also want you... I need you on top of your game and let's be honest, right now you're far from it" said Weber. "I understand. Thank you for your time sir" said Kate trying her best to sound professional. "Take care of yourself Katy... you know you're like a daughter to me" said Weber. Kate nodded and walked away, purposefully avoiding any physical contact. When she was a few feet down the hall she whispered "Well you're not like a dad to me... asshole" she huffed. With that her phone rang and she looked at it taken aback. "Daddy?" she answered. She sat in the stairwell talking to her father for a long time. He was also a doctor and he knew exactly how much it took out of Kate to be the best in the business. "I don't know dad... it's not even the eye that's bothering me... I just... I think something inside of me broke... my shield... I just don't know if I can do this job anymore... emotionally I mean... I think I've lost my mojo... I know... yeah I'm giving it time dad... I'll be alright don't worry about me...Okay daddy... I miss you, I love you... thank you for listening" smiled Kate and pressed end.
Kate walked into the cafeteria a bit calmer. She smiled when she saw Sara chatting to one of the nurses that treated Tegan when she was in the hospital. "Hey sweetie" Sara smiled and took her hand. "I just ordered you a coffee and a muffin. You must be starving" said Sara. "Thank you" smiled Kate. Sara noticed that Kate looked distant... as if something was bothering her. "How did the talk with the boss go?" asked Sara. "Okay... I... I don't really want to talk about it right now" said Kate. She drank her coffee in silence as Sara tried to make small talk. "Can I watch you guys rehearse this afternoon?" asked Kate. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts. "Sure... you have a lifelong all-access pass now you know" smiled Sara and kissed Kate. "Let's get out of this place" smiled Kate. A man sitting at a table nearby with a middle aged female patient in a dressing gown started shouting. "Help! Help her... she's having a seizure" he shouted. Kate froze... it was as if her brain hit the pause button. She breathed fast, cemented in one spot. She finally willed her legs to move in their direction. Somebody already had the shaking lady on the floor and on her side. Kate stood over her and stared at her face panting for air. "Katy do something... Kate!" shouted Sara. "Dr Morgan?" shouted a nurse. Kate went down on her knees next to the patient. "Uh... ummm... get... get help" she mumbled. "Doc I can't find her pulse" said a nurse. Kate felt the world spin. Her mind raced but she couldn't find an answer to the situation. She put her hands on her cheeks sitting on her haunches. "Dr Morgan! Start CPR... start CPR" shouted the nurse. Kate was still frozen. "Kate!... dammit move! Start CPR" the nurse shouted again and breathed into the lady's mouth. Kate felt as if she was moving in slow motion, her hands were shaking uncontrollably. She put her hands on the lady's sternum and started pressing down, not nearly hard enough. "Harder Kate... harder... what's going on with you" shouted the nurse. Kate pressed harder and felt the world spin. "That's better... keep going doc" said the nurse. The team with the crash cart rushed into the room. "Okay we've got it... move away please" said the one team member. Kate kept pushing hard as if in a trance. "We've got this Dr Morgan... Move away Dr Morgan" he repeated. Tears were streaming down Kate's face now. Sara grabbed her from behind and pulled her away. Kate landed on her bottom and breathed heavily as her ribs screamed in pain after the little bit of movement. Kate cowered into a corner, she had her hands over her ears and looked completely distraught as Sara held her tight. The charging noise of the defibrillator seemed to be piercing her brain. She flinched as she watched the lady's body jump a few feet away. "Okay she's back, good job guys... let's get her out of here" said the code leader. Kate wanted to get up but she felt numb so she just swayed backward and forward looking out of it. "Baby... it's okay... I'm here... Hey let's get out of here... come on" said Sara. She helped Kate up. "I'm sorry for shouting at you Dr Morgan" said the nurse. "It's okay" whispered Kate looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "I need to get out of here" she whispered and started walking towards the entrance of the hospital fast. "Baby wait for me" shouted Sara after her. Kate felt the warm Californian sun hit her face as she stepped outside. She took a big gulp of air trying to compose herself. "Fuck..." she whispered and felt hot tears roll over her face. Sara took her in her arms and held her tight. "It's okay... shhhh... you're okay" Sara whispered.
"My favourite celeb couple... trouble in paradise already" Sara heard a male voice say close to them followed by the clicking of a camera. She turned her head and saw the jerk paparazzi that always gave her shit grinning. "Please... not now" she said calmly. The guy shrugged and kept clicking. "Come" said Sara taking Kate's hand ignoring the pap's taunts. She led her to the car as the security guard dealt with the photographer. Kate had her head in her hands. "Let's just go!" she shouted annoyed. Sara tried to comfort her but didn't have much of an effect. "Can we stop at my place" said Kate. "Okay... why?" asked Sara. "Please... just..." said Kate and looked out of the window. The driver stopped in front of Kate's house. Kate fished around in her bag and found her keys. "Sara... go... you go rehearse I just need to go clear my head" said Kate. "I'm not leaving you" said Sara. "Just go Sara" said Kate annoyed. "Where do you want to go? Tell me" said Sara. Kate shook her head. "To the beach okay... I wish I could just get on my surfboard right now but these fucking ribs!" said Kate kicking the car's tyre. "I'm not letting you drive a car right now... not alone... you can go to the beach but I'm coming with you... and you're NOT driving" said Sara. "What the fuck ever" shouted Kate and threw her hands into the air.
The car pulled up to a secluded beach. It was Kate's secret surfing spot, her sanctuary in LA. She stumbled out of the car, desperate to get out. "Sara just give me a few minutes please... just... just a few minutes" said Kate and walked onto the beach. "Okay... I'll be sitting right here if you need me" said Sara. Sara watched Kate walk away. Her lanky body hunched over. About a hundred meters away Kate stopped and put her hands behind her head. She paced up and down and Sara heard a gut wrenching cry mix with the sounds of the waves. Sara had her hands in front of her mouth. She wanted to help Kate but she knew she had to give her a little bit of space right now. Sara felt her phone buzz in her pocket. "Tegan... hey... listen I... I don't think I'm going to make rehearsals this afternoon" said Sara. She eyed Kate falling onto her knees, shoulders slumped. She hit the sand with her palms. "Tegan I"ll tell you later... yes I know we need this rehearsal but I can't be there right now okay!... Tegan it's Kate... she's having a hard time and I need to be here right now... NO! Stay where you are I've got this" said Sara. Sara had to hold herself back to not go to Kate. She knew she needed to give her some time alone.
Kate felt a million emotions at once rush through her. Fear... anger... sadness... confusion. She leaned over and vomited her lunch back up. Her ribs were aching. She pulled out a fistful of dune grass before getting up. She kicked a large rock before putting her cheek against the smooth, cool surface. She felt the anger slowly leave her body as her upper body lay on the rock. She stared out at the ocean. A few minutes later she felt Sara's hands on her middle. "Kate... here's some water" said Sara softly. "Thank you" said Kate softly and sat down in the sand. She rinsed the sour taste of vomit out of her mouth. "You okay?" whispered Sara. "Yeah" said Kate deflated. "I'm sorry Sara" said Kate and took Sara in her arms. "Shhhh... just relax" said Sara. She felt Kate breathe really shallow and fast and it worried her. She looked at her face. Her lips were starting to have a bluish tint to them. "Deep breaths Kate... just relax" said Sara. Kate lay back onto the sand and let out another sob. "Okay... everything's okay. Just try and breathe normally" said Sara holding her tight. After another hour of lying in silence Kate spoke. "I don't know what happened... Sara... I froze... this has never happened to me before... I don't freeze... I thrive under pressure... I... don't... freeze... fuck it wasn't even a difficult situation... it was text book... I don't freeze! What's happening to me Sara... maybe this is God telling me that I'm not in the right job" she said. "You're in the perfect job Kate... you are amazing! Just relax... you'll be back to your old self in no time" said Sara. Kate shook her head. Did you see me... I acted like a crazy person... and then that fucking asshole Weber..." she said upset. "What did he say?" asked Sara. "Well he said... a lot of things... shitty things... and he said I have to get the all clear from psych before I can go back to work. No wonder I froze today" said Kate looking down. "I understand" said Sara. "No you don't!" said Kate. "Yes I do... I broke my hand punching a wall in anger and frustration... they had to fucking sedate me God knows how many times... then... then I almost strangled you after a nightmare... unable to distinguish what's real and what's not... I'm just as nuts as you are babe" said Sara and laughed. "Okay... I guess you do understand. What if my eye doesn't go back to normal" said Kate, her face blotchy. "It will be fine... 80% is really favorable odds baby... Anyway, you'll cross that bridge when you get to it" said Sara taking Kate in her arms again. They sat like that for another hour, Sara felt her phone buzz in her pocket quite a few times but ignored it.
Tegan paced around the room with her hands in her sides. "Linds... something is wrong... they've been gone a really long time... I'm worried. And now Sara's not answering her phone... this isn't like her" she said close to tears. "Sweetie relax... Sara is with her... Sara will take care of her" said Lindsey. "I feel so fucking guilty about all this. If it wasn't for us... well... Kate would be going about her daily Doctor's business quite happily" said Tegan throwing her arms into the air. "Baby don't do that to yourself... this is not your fault" said Lindsey. Tegan just shook her head. "I know... I just wish there was something I could do for her... to help her... I want to go and find her" said Tegan. "Sweetie no... just stay put I'm sure they'll be back soon" said Lindsey. Tegan dialed a number on her cellphone. "Alex... it's Tegan. Something's up with your sister" she said. After telling Alex what she knew she pressed end. "Alex and I are going are going looking for them. I can't just leave it" said. Lindsey just shook her head. "I'm coming with you" she said. "No... you need to get some rest. Stay here" said Tegan holding her hand out. "I need to make sure you're okay Tegan" said Lindsey getting up. "Alex will be with me... baby... you know he'll take care of me" said Tegan. Lindsey sighed. "Okay... but phone me please" said Lindsey.
"Where do you think they are... LAs a huge place" said Tegan to Alex as the car pulled out. "I think I know where she is... our favourite surf spot... just a hunch. She always says it's her favourite place in LA" said Alex. They drove to the beach mostly in silence. Alex looked worried. "She'll be okay Al" said Tegan. "Yeah... She always is" smiled Alex. They saw the SUV parked as they pulled up to the beach. Alex jumped out and saw the security guard standing on the beach. "Where are they?" he shouted. "Right over there" she said. "And why the fuck didn't you answer your phone" he said. "Sorry... my battery died" said the guard. "Don't ever let that happen again" said Alex in anger and started jogging towards the girls. He stopped and turned around to wait for Tegan who was huffing and puffing behind him. They reached Kate and Sara and Alex fell down to his knees next to his sister. "Katy?" he said softly. Kate sat up and hugged Alex tight. "It's okay... what's wrong sis?" he said. "Nothing... everything" she whispered. "Hey K-dawg... you okay?" said Tegan softly. "Uh huh" said Kate and nodded but tears were welling up in her eyes. Tegan gave Sara a worried look. Sara smiled at her and mouthed "It's okay" and nodded. "You want to talk about it?" said Alex. "I'm all talked out right now but thanks" said Kate. Alex dialed the number of the security guard that came with him and Tegan. "Hi... can you please go to the shop and get us some wine and something to eat... make it fast please" said Alex. "Damn you can see we're related" laughed Kate and put her arm around her brother's shoulder. "Kate... I know that right now... everything seems out of whack and it feels as if nothing will ever be normal again... but it will... I promise" said Alex. "Thank you guys... you don't understand how much you being here means to me" said Kate looking down into the sand. "We love you Kate... we'll always be here for you... you... you carried me through so much and you never gave up on me... we're never giving up on you either okay... you're going to be okay. One day at a time... one at at time" said Tegan. Kate breathed in deep through her nose. "Yeah... I guess... it just all hit me at once" said Kate. She stared out at the sun starting to hang low over the water. "It's really beautiful isn't it... this place... it always brings me back into equilibrium, somehow... but this time... it had nothing to do with the place... it's you guys... and you specifically Sara" smiled Kate. Sara touched Kate's cheek and kissed her softly. "I love you" she whispered. Tegan got up and dialed Lindsey's number "Linds... we found them... it's okay... yeah she's fine" she said and hung up. She knelt behind Kate and put her arms around her shoulders and hugged her tight. "You're awesome Katy. We're going to make sure you're okay buddy" said Tegan.
The security guard walked up to the group and handed Alex two bottles of wine. "Glasses?" he asked. "Oh shit I forgot about those" he said. "Never mind" said Alex uncorking the wine. "Bottoms up" he said and took a swig out of the bottle and handed it to Kate. "Not too much you're on meds" he said. "Whatever" she mumbled and took a massive swig and coughed. The group watched the sun set over the water in silence sipping wine out of the bottle. "Damn I'm not drinking fit anymore said Tegan and gave a hiccup. "Easy there superstar" said Kate and smiled. It was getting cool and dark and Kate got up. "Let's go home... you guys have a rehearsal if I'm not mistaken" said Kate. The little bit of wine made her feel light headed and for the first time in a few days she craved sleep.
Kate fell asleep on Sara's shoulder almost instantly in the car. Back home Alex led her to the couch and she nodded off again. "Go guys... Erin and I will stay with her" he smiled. Tegan phoned Lindsey to tell her that they were going to try and fit in a few hours of rehearsals before she would be home. Lindsey didn't like it but she allowed it. Tegan put her guitar strap around her shoulder. "What happened today Sar?" asked Tegan. "I don't know... the eye specialist gave her relatively good news, not great news but okay... and then she had a talk with her boss... she seemed distant after that... something was bothering her. There was a lady that collapsed in the cafeteria and... it was so weird... Kate just froze... she seemed petrified, as if she didn't know what to do... she eventually snapped out of it but she was fucking out of it... I don't know... I just don't think she can deal with stressful situations right now. She just broke down after that. This PTSD thing has really hit her hard... perhaps it's because she's been bottling up things for so long... I was scared Tegan... she seemed so lost" said Sara, close to tears. "Fuck" said Tegan shaking her head. "I think the time on the beach helped her... I think she's hit rock bottom and there's nowhere to go but up from here... she seemed to physically be letting go of her built up issues... I don't know how to help her Tee and it scares me" said Sara. "You really care for her don't you" said Tegan. "I know it's weird... we haven't been together for long but it feels as if I've loved her my whole life. I will do anything for her. I love her Tegan" said Sara seriously. "I know... you've finally found the one Sar... and you know what... you being there with her... that's all the help she needs from you... just love her" said Tegan. "Yeah" whispered Sara. "Let's jam" said Tegan and smiled. Sara started playing and Tegan smiled before she started singing. "I felt you in my legs before I even met you... and when I lay beside you for the first time I told you... I feel you in my heart... and I don't even know you"
A few hours later Tegan slid into bed behind a sleeping Lindsey. Lindsey woke up and turned. "There you are... everything okay?" she asked. "Yeah... I think so" smiled Tegan. "Baby... I just want to say... that I love how much you care for your friends... you're a really good person Tegan... and it's one of the things I love most about you. You're going to be a great example to our kids" said Lindsey and kissed Tegan softly.
Alex carried Kate into bed and Sara gently removed her jeans before covering her up. "Hang in there my love... I've got you" she whispered and turned the light off. After a few hours of thoughts racing through her mind she finally fell asleep with Kate's hand in hers.
Sara felt Kate's fingers on her cheek and opened her eyes. It was morning. "Morning beautiful" whispered Kate. "Hey my love" smiled Sara. "How are you feeling?" she said softly. "Good... I had a great night... didn't wake up once, not a single nightmare... I think I shouted them all out yesterday" smiled Kate. "That's fantastic news baby... maybe you drowned them in the ocean" said Sara. "Thank you Sara... for everything... I'm so lucky to have found you... I love you" said Kate stroking Sara's cheek softly. "I'm the lucky one... how did I live before I found you" said Sara. Kate just smiled. "I'm going to get you breakfast in bed this time" she said. "No... I'll do it" said Sara. "No... you just relax for a change. It's my turn" said Kate and kissed Sara. "Big day of rehearsals for you... You need a good breakfast" she said putting on a dressing gown. "Yup... we need it. You want to go check on Tegan after breakfast?" asked Sara. "Sure... you know what Sar... for the first time since after her surgery I woke up not desperate to go check on her... Of course I will later but I don't have this need... this thing that feels as if it's smothering me if I don't" said Kate. "I'm happy to hear that" said Sara. "I have another physio session today for the ribs but they really are starting to feel better... And I'm seeing Violet again today... and you won't have to drag me kicking and screaming" smiled Kate. "Good... you're getting there sweetie" said Sara. "I'm taking responsibility for this now... I will sort this shit out... I just have to work through it" said Kate. "We really should go to that beach more often" said Sara. "I know... it's magic... and so are you" winked Kate and leaned over to kiss Sara.
A/N: Well that was quite the emo and long chapter wasn't it. Let's hope Kate's finally getting over her issues. Sorry, I couldn't just leave that issue hanging and let her magically get over it without a proper meltdown. Good thing she's got Sara and her friends and family. We're getting closer to the show, hope Tegan and Sara will be ready in time. Lots of distractions. By the way, for those who asked. Lindsey is about 28 weeks pregnant. Sorry for the lack of updates this week. It's been a crazy, busy one! Please remember to review!