Disclaimer: All of Hellsing and its characters are copyright to Kouta Hirano. Any original characters belong to the author of this fanfiction.

HELLSING

EREBUS

Here standeth the Bird of Hermes,

Eating my own wings to make me tame...

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Choices

Monday Afternoon, December 1, 2031, Hellsing Estate...

Today was the day. A week ago, Alex had officially become a member of the Hellsing Organization. A week ago, she had been fitted for her uniform. During the last week, Alex had been training harder than ever, but the routine had changed. Instead of hand-to-hand training with Seras in the mornings, she began marksmanship with Reese. Then the lieutenant would have her run laps in the afternoon, and all sorts of exercises, but they were light. That regime was just a warm-up for when Seras got to finally train her once the evening hit. Seras had come at her harder than ever, and it took all of the weekend for Alex to recover from all the bruises she got.

Currently, Alex was attempting her fifth pull up with much difficulty. "Gh...gah...urgh!" Just as she had managed it, with her face strained, her body gave out and she fell to the snow below on her back. "Ow," she grunted. Alex looked up to see Reese's upside face. "Hey lieutenant," she groaned.

He chuckled, looking down at her. "Hey yourself, rookie. How about you relax with some sit ups?"

"Huh?" Why her? Groaning once more, she assumed the position, knees bent with hands under her head. She knew being a soldier would be difficult, but why couldn't it have gotten harder gradually? "O-one," she managed, struggling to keep her knees together, nearly dropping back on the snow. "T-two."

"When you're done at least twenty of those, give me a couple of laps around the track, and then you'll be done for the day."

"Y-yes, sir. T-three!"

The lieutenant grinned, walking away. It took Alex five minutes before she managed her twentieth sit-up. Flopping back on the ground, she panted, her abdomen stinging. She cursed herself for never taking daily exercises seriously. In school, she had always hated gym class, but now she was paying for it. At least life had blessed her with a healthy looking body, regardless of the amount of junk she ate, or the lack of exercise she got. With a final sigh, the girl moved slowly to her feet, heading for the track and starting at a jog. After one lap, her lungs felt just as bad as her stomach muscles, and she was wheezing, the cold air biting at her insides with every breathe. Upon finishing the third lap, she fell to the ground face first, butt in the air. With a simple adjust, she was lying flat on the ground, breathing heavily.

Healthy may have been a slight exaggeration. One thing was for certain, she was out of shape. "Bloody...hell," she moaned.

Reese was just finishing up a small conversation with one of the staff members, being handed a thick parcel. Alex noticed this, squinting her eyes some, as she wasn't wearing her glasses. Her commanding officer walked over to her collapsed form, arching a brow at her position. He chuckled, shaking his head. Rookies, he thought, were always so pathetic, at least in the beginning. He did have to hand it to the girl though. Alex was working hard, and though she moaned and groaned, she never questioned anything, just following the instructions given to her.

"Hey, looks like your uniform came in." As if been given a large dose of adrenaline, Alex popped up like a prairie dog, her excitement evident. He laughed, handing her the parcel. "Now, you're expected to wear that from now on. Also, I've been told to inform you to head straight to Sir Integra's office once you're changed."

"Right. I'll head there right away."

Alex stood, though her legs were shaky at the moment from all the strain, but once she got moving towards the mansion, the wobbliness lessened. Five minutes later, she was in her room, opening the package and blinking at the articles that lay about the bed. This...wasn't the typical uniform she saw the soldiers wear. It was almost embarrassing to look at it. It was a Hellsing uniform, but it also wasn't. Inhaling, she began to change, and when she finished, she had to admit that it was actually comfortable. Wanting a better look, she stood before a full-length mirror, admiring the new look.

Like Seras, Alex now wore white thigh-high stockings, brown leather boots, and matching gloves. The outfit itself was a military olive colour, trimmed in black. The mini-skirt had slits on each side nearer to the front, but she wore black fitting shorts underneath, so modesty would be maintained. The shirt was a slightly thicker than regular button-ups, as it looked like a normal military button-up shirt with the sleeves tailored neatly at a length of three-quarters. Upon each breast was a pocket, above the left pocket was the red and gold Hellsing insignia. Her left arm also had a red band with the same insignia. Around her waist was a black leather belt, woven through the loops that had been sewn into the shirt.

"Damn," she murmured in awe. In a way, it was like wearing her usual dress shirts, which she had a love for wearing, only instead of white or black, it was olive. Looking over, she spotted a pair of strange looking goggles. "Hm?" Walking over, she picked them up. "Weird. Why would they give me goggles?"

The lenses were round and tinted a bright acid green, the straps were black and there were little buttons on the sides of the lenses upon the rubber frames. Arching a brow, she tried them on, pressing the top button on the right side. Suddenly, some kind of digital information appeared in her line of vision, and she watched in astonishment as the goggles seemed to scan her eyes. Then the information was gone, but something was different. Blinking, she realized that her vision was clearer.

"Holy shit!" Taking them off, she stared at him. "Holy shit!" she said again. "I better ask Integra about this. Oh shit, I almost forgot, she's waiting for me!"

The girl ran out of the room, making it to Integra's room in record time, panting at the door. Straightening up, she knocked, hearing Integra's, "Come in."

Stepping inside, she closed the door behind her. The older woman raised her gaze from the paper work. "I was told you wanted to see me, sir."

"Indeed. Please, have a seat." As Alex walked over, Integra took this moment to observe the new outfit. "It suits you, I think. How do you like it?"

"It's comfy," she chirped. "I did want to ask you about the goggles though."

"Ah yes, I had those ordered especially for you. Technology today is amazing, to say the least." Alex sat down in the only other chair in the room in front of Integra's desk. It was just like the first day she came here. "I noticed that you apparently have trouble with your sight. Those are the latest in military accessories for those who have physical flaws. They adjust to your level to optimize sight, so they act like your prescription glasses, making the appropriate adjustments after a quick scan."

Alex stared at the object in her hands, lifting them up and staring through them in the light. "These are cool. How come I haven't seen the other guys wear these?"

"They're ridiculously expensive, and most of them had gone through with laser surgery." Alex flinched at the former comment. "Not to worry. It's a military expense I'm willing to pay. Those goggles in your hand are also capable of infrared, and night vision. They can record what you see, so that when you report to me, I can see for myself. Quite a handy little tool, I'd say. I can have someone print out a manual for you if you'd like."

"Probably a good idea. Best I know how to use it rather than fidget with the damn thing when it's most crucial."

"Indeed. I'll make a note of it. Now," she began, waiting for Alex to look at her, "there's a reason I called you here today. I wanted to discuss with you about the holidays." Alex blinked. "Seeing as how I made you a promise to arrange visits with your friends and family, I have a private jet that you can take to Canada. So, if you wish to make plans, now would be the time to discuss it with your family."

"Oh, right. Um, maybe I should give them an approximate date and length."

Integra sat up straight, turning her gaze to the laptop, going over the calendar. "Tell them you can arrive the twenty-second in the morning. You will return here the following Monday a week later at the same time."

Alex nodded. "Okay, that works."

"Alucard will have to accompany you, of course." Alex said nothing. "You can tell them that he is...a coworker that you invited to join you for the holidays because you felt bad that he had no family to spend Christmas with."

The brunette arched a brow as she said, "Isn't that stretching the truth a bit?"

The older woman chuckled. "Does this suit you?" After a moment, Alex nodded. "That's all, then. Dismissed."

The girl stood, saluting the woman before leaving. Since she had time before Seras would wake for Alex's next lesson, the brunette wandered off to Van's room. Lately, as she had noticed a week ago, Van had been quiet, and any time she asked, he said it was nothing. Not today, she inwardly vowed. She would find out what was wrong, if it was the last thing she will do! Standing before his door, she hesitated, realizing he might be asleep. Maybe it could wait after all, but because he'd been reserved lately, and the fact she had little free time due to her training, she hardly saw him at all. Steeling her resolve, she knocked, and after a moment or two, he actually answered.

Alex looked up at her friend, seeing him in that slightly dishevelled look he wore whenever he was woken up. "Hello."

He blinked blearily at her, rubbing at his eyes. "You do realize how dangerous it is to wake a vampire, right?"

"Uh huh," she replied dismissively, barging her way in and looking around. Van just blinked at her some more, this time out of surprise. "Listen, I haven't seen much of you lately, so I wanted to see you for a bit before it's taken up by the captain."

"You mean Seras?" He closed the door, having already recovered from her uncharacteristic intrusion. "Yes, I suppose your free time has been lessened considerably."

Alex sat on the stool as he offered, watching him sit on an empty space on the table. "Sorry for waking you." He shook his head, waving off her apology. "I do have a question though. How come you don't sleep on a bed, or cot? Something."

"Work usually takes up a lot of my time, so a bed isn't exactly required."

The girl watched him, frowning some. "You're just neglecting your sleep because you don't have a bed." He grunted, as if in denial. She sighed, going on to say, "Listen, if you don't take care of yourself, I'm gonna have to start offering my own bed."

He suddenly tensed at that, making a strange and slightly embarrassed expression. "I must respectfully decline. That would be inappropriate."

"I don't know," she said slyly, forcing him to look at her to see a mischievous face, "you seemed pretty grabby last week. If given your way, you might even take advantage of me."

He choked, his cheeks going red as he sputtered out, "I-it wasn't like that! I meant nothing by it, I swear! I didn't mean to give you that impression!"

Van stopped just before he could spout out more, as Alex had begun to giggle, then laugh. It took a moment before she was able to breathe, sending him a serene smile. "Van, I was joking. Besides, I know neither of us see each other that way." Elbows leaned on her knees as her gloved hands cradled her chin. "I just wanted to see your face when I said it. After all, you've been pretty depressed lately and it was starting to bug me. So I just came down here to cheer you up."

For awhile, he just stared at her. She was worried about him? Eventually, he smiled, touched that she would show concern for him. Of course, he should have seen it sooner, as Alex had defended Katherine's honour not that long ago, and even comforted him when he retold his story about his lost love. How did this strange girl come to care about someone like him? Being a pitiable creature, he doubted anyone would ever give a real damn. And even though they had met exactly a month ago, her concern really moved him. They became fast friends, which was unusual for him, as he didn't have any friends, at least, nothing that lasted.

"A week ago, the night Alucard and I went on that mission, I saw my brother."

Alex raised her head a little, Van obtaining her undivided attention. She had no idea he had a brother. Then again, she still didn't know that much about anyone around here. Despite that, Van had already confided in her with something very private, and he was doing it again, telling her about Laura, his family's murder, and then himself becoming a vampire from the incident. Until now, he had assumed that his brother had died that night. Then he went on to explain how he began investigating the murders done by Jack the Ripper some time after Katherine died, due to the grisly way the women were murdered, and his suspicions that it was a vampire.

"That night, I discovered that my own sire was the vampire I'd been hunting down for decades. During our fight, Alucard had shot off the man's disguise, and there he was. My brother Elijah had been with that woman for years, though I don't know if he even recognizes me, or if he'd been brainwashed. Something was different about him, and he didn't even hesitate in cutting off my arm when I aimed at our sire."

She sighed, staring at the floor. No wonder he was upset. "What are you going to do when you face him again?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "If he's with that woman willingly, then...I may have to kill him."

There was nothing Alex could say right now. At this moment, nothing encouraging or insightful came to mind. Telling him that killing your own brother was wrong didn't seem like the appropriate thing to say, even if that was how she truly felt. What would she have done if she was faced with that kind of choice? Thankfully, she had no siblings, so it wasn't entirely an issue for her, but she still had friends. What would she have done?

Finally, she said quietly, "I'm sorry." The vampire looked at her again. "I can't provide an answer. In the end, it'll have to be your decision. It can only be your decision. That's about the best thing I can come up with to say."

A silver gaze lowered to the ground, a deep frown on Van's face, brows furrowed. He was so confused. If his brother was a willing servant, Van would have to kill him. Elijah was dangerous, and had killed humans under orders. Elijah had done things that was against everything Van believed in. He had violated the morals that Van had fought for. Still, he was Van's brother. Even though Alex's thoughts on the matter helped little, he felt a little better after having talked about it. Honestly, he appreciated her input. In the end, it would be his choice.

The vampire looked over at her, and she returned his gaze, both smiling softly afterwards. "Nice outfit," he said.

The grin was instantaneous. "Looks good, huh?"

"Very. It suits you. What's with the goggles though?"

The young woman brightened at the new topic, and began explaining what Integra had already told her. Showing his fascination, he walked over. As she pointed to all the buttons, he finally came to a different decision. It would be time to talk to Integra.

"Van?"

"Hm?"

"Integra said I could go back to Canada to visit. Alucard's coming along because he's my bodyguard and all, but, maybe you'd like to come too?"

He blinked at her invitation, surprised she would even ask him of all people. After a moment, he smiled, "I'd love to. Thank you." Alex smiled back.

Monday Evening, December 1, 2031, Hellsing Estate...

Integra sat at her desk with a frown, looking over the missing children files. Then she heard a knock on the door. Curious, as she had not called for anybody, she wondered if it was Alex. After a moment, she said, "Come in." Much to her astonishment, it was not Alex, but Van. "Mr. Drake...I didn't expect to see you."

The vampire closed the door behind him before walking over to the desk. Integra watched him as he approached with a sense of purpose. What was Van up to? It was very rare for Van to come up to her office at all unless he had finished with work that she had commissioned from him. Had he finished Alex's weapons then? Seeing the look on his face, her own expression softened. It wasn't her business to know how Van thought. Judging by his serious look, he had something to say, but wasn't entirely ready to say it. With a sigh, the old woman stood.

"Would you care to join me for a game of chess and a drink, Van?"

Moments later, Integra and Van sat before a fireplace. Between them, a partially played chess game sat, both evenly matched for the moment. It was merely casual, and neither felt the need to overpower the other. They were just playing. They had said nothing, and it seemed like he was content with the silence, so Integra had said nothing. Wordlessly, she poured him a drink she knew he wouldn't be able to drink, sliding over the amber liquid, to which he stared at.

"It's too bad I can't drink that anymore."

"How often have you tried?" she asked quietly.

He sighed, staring forlornly at the liquor. "Once. It was the night after I killed Katherine's killers. I drank whatever alcohol I could find for the entire night. My vampire metabolism prevents me from getting drunk. It's one thing about vampirism that I hate and appreciate at the same time."

"The fact you cannot drown in your sorrows?"

"Mm." A hand reached out to move his knight, taking her pawn. "I should explain my behaviour."

"There's no need." Van looked up at her. "Alucard has already reported the events of that night, including the details about your brother." Her companion just stared at her as she looked over the pieces, using another of her pawns to take his own. "You're struggling with the fact that your brother may or may not be a willing servant to your sire. And, you don't know whether or not you'll be able to pull the trigger if he is. Does that about sum it up?" she asked, looking up at him.

After a moment, he said quietly, "Yes."

Integra watched as he overcame her knight with his bishop, frowning slightly. "Forty years ago, when I was twelve year old girl, my father died." The vampire looked up again. "During those last few days he was alive, he entrusted the Hellsing Organization to me. My uncle, Richard, did not approve of this. My uncle was greedy, wanting the organization for himself and so he tried to kill me, regardless of the fact that I was family."

Van's eyes widened somewhat at this. "What happened?"

The woman closed her eye, recalling that fateful night. "I managed to elude him long enough to reach the basement. My father told me that if I should ever feel closed in by the enemy, that I should go there, where my salvation awaited. I found the place my father spoke of, and inside was a corpse."

"A corpse?" Van repeated, having an idea of what a corpse meant.

Integra could smell the small room now. It was dank, musty, and reeked of death. Before her twelve year old self, a shrivelled up being sat against the wall, utterly dead. "My uncle found me in that moment, firing upon me, the bullet just grazing my arm. The smell of my blood woke up that corpse, and just when Richard had been about to kill me, it slaughtered his men, drinking their blood, and taking off Richard's arm."

"Alucard."

"Yes," she breathed. "Alucard had saved me that night, just as my father had promised." Her blue eye opened, fixing it upon Van. "I took the gun Richard intended to kill me with, and for the sake of Hellsing's honour, as well as my father's honour, I squeezed the trigger without a moment's hesitation." Van just watched her, now seeing the point of this story. "Because of that simple act, I became Alucard's lord and master, and to this day, he has given me nothing but his loyalty. It is because I was able to pull the trigger that I am where I am today."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"The point is that when the time comes, you will know the answer. I killed Richard because he threatened the ideals of my proud order. I wanted to live. For myself, for my father, Her Majesty, and this country. Thirty years ago, I had to make the same decision again, and I made the same choice, and it pained me greatly to make that choice, but I do not regret it."

The vampire looked down at the chess board, simply staring at it. With one fleeting look towards the liquor, he grabbed it, drinking it down, the burn not as prominent as it would have been if he had been human. He sighed, the glass clunking against the table when it had been set down. The silence drew out between them, and Integra had leaned forward, overcoming the knight that took her pawn.

"Does it still bother you?" she asked. "Or is something else bothering you."

"Actually," he began, smiling somewhat, "I reached a decision. Not about my brother." The old woman blinked at him, even as he took her queen. "With the way things are going right now, I've decided to join you...officially."

Her eye widened in surprise at this. "You're certain?" He nodded, looking straight at her. After searching his face for any doubts, she smiled. "Very well. What brought about this change of heart?"

"Alex."

"Alex? How so?"

He smiled. "Just...Alex."

Integra just chortled some. "I see." Another glass was poured for Van before she poured herself one. "Now that we're done, I believe I'm done playing around." The vampire just smirked while holding his glass. "I don't plan on losing a game of chess, even to you." Van just laughed.

Tuesday After-Midnight, December 2, 2031, Somewhere...

Snow fell lightly past the window, an intense blue gaze peering out from the darkness of the house. Behind this smiling figure were his two loyal followers, Laura and Elijah. "The girl will be out in the open soon."

"Master Gabriel," Laura said softly, "did you see it?"

"Yes," he hissed with satisfaction. "Our dear Eve will be returning home for the holidays."

"We should take this opportunity to obtain her!" Elijah said with eagerness.

Amused by Elijah's enthusiasm, Gabriel simply raised a pale hand. "Patience, young man. She will not be alone. Hellsing has already taken the precaution to have Alucard assigned for her protection. That creature will never leave her side. Not even you, the Puppet Master can defeat such a monster. Your brother will also be there." Elijah said nothing to this, and Gabriel chuckled. "How does it feel to face your brother after all these years? Hm?"

The young vampire readily replied, "He will not be a problem. His morals have made him a weak opponent. I can easily contend with him."

Gabriel grinned. "Even still, a plan is a must. Rushing headfirst into an unknown situation is foolish. Alucard will not give up his beloved easily, and he will wreak hell upon any who try to take her. Which is why I will take her, and then take his power as my own. Alucard will lose everything."

A/N: There's something else Integra failed to mention about the goggles. They have super powers. No fluffy or funny interaction between Alex and Alucard this time around. Instead, you get some friendly fluff between Alex and Van. They don't see each other that way. Caring does not equal attraction. Besides, Alucard would never allow it. Still, Van needs a girlfriend. What do you guys think? I think this is the first chapter where Alucard actually doesn't show up out of nowhere for once. He had the perfect opportunity to bug Alex too, considering she's got a new outfit. She'd probably punch him again too.

Anyway, that's all I've got to say, so please leave a review, your thoughts, and any questions you have. Thank you for reading!