I really have no idea where I'm going with this story...but I'm trying to do a chapter a day! Leave a review if you like it!
Lily was happy.
It was a perfect winter day. She was wearing her new favorite hat that her sister had bought her with the pom-pom on top. And James had remembered their one-month anniversary.
She was happy.
She hadn't even been thinking of their anniversary, of how long they'd been doing whatever they were doing together. She hadn't cared.
But James had called her up this morning saying he had a surprise for her. Saying it was their one-month anniversary. That he wanted, no, needed, to see her.
And that made her happy.
Because it meant that he did care. That he did think whatever they were doing together was something real. Because it meant that he remembered that he thought about her when she wasn't around.
That he liked her.
Because so often Lily wasn't sure about that.
But right now, she doesn't have to wonder.
Because it's a perfect winter day and there's a slight chill in the air, snowflakes floating softly around her, and she's shivering but her hands are warm.
Because they're enclosed in James' strong, warm, fingers.
And she is happy.
In this moment.
Happy to listen to James talk about the drama with his favorite football player and the latest article he'd read in the paper on media propaganda and Sirius and his family's holiday party and Remus and what he was going to get him for Christmas and whatever else James chatters on about.
She is happy.
To be here.
With him.
They turn the corner in the narrow London street, looking picturesque in the thin layer of snow that's covering them, and Lily freezes—
"Is that—"
Something must have shown on her face because James pales.
"What?" He asks, running a hand through his hair nervously.
"Is this the surprise?" Lily asks, staring at James, her voice a little too loud.
And James looks back at her. With wide hazel eyes.
"Yeah," He says, looking around at the other holiday couples on the sidewalk who glance at them walking by, "did I do something wrong?"
Lily looks away from James.
And back to Madam Puddifoot's tea shop.
"This?" She eventually forces out. "This?!"
"I know you like this place, so I made reservations—"
"Wait, you think I like this?" She drops his hand. To gesture wildly at the fucking tea shop that she's hated since Marlene forced her to go on a double date there once in fifth year. "This fucking piece of suffocating romantic bullshit?"
James opens his mouth, "I thought girls liked shit like this—"
"Girls?!"
James starts to backtrack but Lily can already feel the tears burning in her eyes.
Stupid fucking tears.
"Goddamn it." She hisses to herself, wiping at her eyes.
And turns away.
.
"How the fuck is it my fault?" James spits from across the room, "I was trying to do something nice! I was trying to be romantic!"
"How could you think I even liked that place?!" Lily screams back at him. "It's like you don't even know me at all!"
Finally.
Finally. She feels at peace. With him.
Only ever when they're arguing. Screaming. Livid at each other.
That's when she feels secure.
In his life.
"I don't fucking know you Lily!" James screams at her. "You know why? Because you never gave me a fucking chance. You never even gave me the fucking time of day!"
"Because you were a fucking asshole to me!" Lily screams back, "You were always taunting me, teasing me, making fun of my fucking friends!"
"I was fucking flirting! Because I fucking liked you! And your friends were bullying my fucking friends!"
"We were bullying you?!" Lily scoffs, "Please, you were the fucking bully Potter!" She spits. "You and fucking Sirius nearly killed Severus!"
James throws up his hand. "Fucking Snape, you're throwing fucking Snape at me?! After all he fucking said about you when we left school?"
And Lily feels her cheeks burn red, at the memory. She takes a breath. Trying to calm her racing heart. "What went down between Severus and me has no bearing on what happened between you and Severus."
And James just shakes his head. Pushing his glasses up his nose.
"You know what Evans?" He says sharply, haughtily, a look in his eyes Lily hasn't seen in a long time. A fiery look. A passionate look. A look that borders on hatred. Of her. And she feels her heart pound. Her stomach flutter. Her skin tingle. As he looks at her. "You know fucking what? I made a shitty joke when I was eleven years old and he dedicated the rest of his fucking life to destroying mine and all of my friends. Those are two drastically different things and I'm not going to keep apologizing for the rest of my fucking life for fighting back against his fucking bigotry."
"I know!" She yells. Too loud. Far too loud. "I know that." Softer now.
And the tears again. Burning at her eyes.
As she admits the truth. "I just don't know…if this is going to work."
And James takes a step toward her, just a small one. "What do you mean?"
"This. Us. Whatever we're fucking doing. I don't think this is working." She hears her voice crack and swallows thickly.
"Lily—"
"I just need some space."
"Evan, would you just fucking wait—"
The door closes before he can finish.
.
It'd been a month. A month of Lily sitting alone at home watching Netflix and eating ice cream and waiting for winter to end. She looks around the bar. It's festive. Cheerful. Marlene is drinking eggnog and flirting with the bartender and Lily has a hot toddy in her hands and she has to admit—
It is nice.
To be out.
To have men glance her way and smile at her.
It is nice.
But it's not—
Fiery, burning, passion.
It's not—
James.
It's not—
"Lils!" A voice calls out and Lily turns and finds herself face to face with Sirius.
His brilliant, beautiful, smile lighting up the room, and Lily can't help herself.
She throws her arms around him and Sirius scops her up. Swinging her drunkenly around as they laugh together.
"My darling Lily, how are you?" Sirius asks as he sets her down gently, staring at her intently with his pale eyes. And Lily feels the warmth spread through her once again, as Sirius peers at her. Because Sirius has this wonderful way of talking to you like he's really listening. To every word you say.
And she finds that…she's missed him.
"I've been okay." She says, looking back to Marlene and her bartender, "James and I are on…a break."
Sirius nods, tucking his long hair behind his ear. "Yes, I heard." He laughs. "Is that why you're looking like someone ran over your cat? Or did someone really run over sweet little Muffins?"
And Lily sits back, "is it that obvious?"
Sirius cocks his head and looks at her. He's taller than her, than even James, and he has to slump a little bit to be on eye level with her.
"Yeah baby, it's that obvious." He gives her a soft smile, a teasing smile, inching closer to her. And Lily feels her heart flutter. For a second.
"But maybe this will cheer you up." He whispers, his slow voice coming in crystal clear over the chatter of the crowded bar and Lily is just about to ask—
"What?"
When Sirius kisses her.
It's soft and slow and sensuous. His lips are full and gentle. His tongue confident and firm. His mouth working in perfect harmony against hers.
Lily feels his hands slipping around her waist. Delicate, piano playing fingers, playing songs against her skin. And she clings to him. Her fingers tangled in his hair. Her hand curled possessively around the nape of his neck. Her body pressed tight against his.
The heat building between them. The warmth. The soft, flickering, fireplace like glow that she feels whenever Sirius is near her. Warming her.
From the inside out.
Sirius pulls back slowly.
An easy smile. On his beautiful face.
"How's that?" He asks her in a low voice and Lily can't—
Can't think.
Can't form a single word.
Just clings to him.
Focusing on that warm, fuzzy feeling in the pit of her stomach that is only building more. Flowing upwards. Outwards. Bursting forth.
"I…" She tries to make her brain work, to make the words come out, "I…thought you were gay. I thought you were with Remus."
A deep laugh sounds behind her.
A rich, smokey, laugh.
And Lily turns, Sirius' arms still around her waist, her body still pressed against his. And comes face to face with—
James.
Of course, it's fucking James she curses. She should have fucking known.
Sirius and James are never apart.
"He's bi actually. Pansexual if you wanna get all technical about it. And Remus wouldn't go near Sirius with a ten-foot pole." James snorts, reaching around her and Sirius and taking a sip of her hot toddy, left abandoned on the bar.
"That's not true!" Sirius says indigently, shifting so his arm is around her shoulders now. Lily can feel her cheeks burning. She steals a look at James.
James.
Who just saw her sucking the face off his best friend. His roommate. In a passionate, heated, desperate, moment.
He doesn't look concerned.
"Remus comes near me at least once a month," Sirius says indignantly, "we still fuck all the time!"
James rolls his eyes, giving Lily a smile. "Fine, I'll rephrase, Remus wouldn't date you ever again."
Sirius scoffs, turning to Lily, "I need a drink if I'm gonna have to deal your boyfriend all night."
"We're on a break!" Both James and Lily say hurriedly, and Sirius raises his eyebrows at the both of them.
"And how's that going?" He asks them, before ordering six shots of vodka.
.
"Remus loves me," Sirius says, pronunciation perfect even with the four shots of vodka and countless gin and tonics.
"I'm not saying he doesn't," James argues back, cheeks flushed from the alcohol. "I'm just saying he's never going to date you again."
"But he loves me!" Sirius cries back, looking genuinely hurt.
"Everyone loves you!" James snaps, looking genuinely annoyed by this.
"Wait," Lily interjects, and both men turn to her suddenly. "When did you and Remus date?"
"Oh," Sirius says, waving his hand casually, a move that Lily would normally associate with royalty, "that was ages ago."
"Back in school," James says and Sirius nods.
"We were together almost all through school but broke up sixth year."
"He dumped you." James snorts and Sirius' face tightens.
"Technically, I dumped him." He says haughtily, his chin tilted up.
"Technically," James mimics, "you destroyed him. That why he'll never date you again."
And something flashes between the two of them. Right before Lily's eyes.
"Was this during…" She trails off, not wanting to bring it up. Say it out loud.
"Yeah," James confirms. "This was Sirius' prank gone wrong."
Sirius sighs, "I was going through a rough patch."
And James laughs aloud.
"A rough patch?" He asks, incredulous, "is that what we're calling 'Sirius tries to off himself every other week' now?"
Sirius cocks an eyebrow, shooting James a cold look.
And it happens again.
A look. Passes between them.
Making Lily feel like she's not even in the same room.
The same plane.
The same fucking planet.
And then James sighs, fingers brushing the back of Sirius' hand. "I'm sorry babe."
And then—
Her hand.
"And I'm sorry for what I said before Evans."
And Lily feels the heat building again.
Under her skin.
.
The door to the apartment swing opens.
And the three of them drunkenly stumble through.
Sirius' arm around Lily's waist. James' arm around her shoulder's.
They stumble to the living room. Their two bedroom doors wavering in front of them.
James opens his mouth, "Lily…" His arm tightening around her shoulders.
And Sirius laughs.
"Fuck off Jay, Lily is sleeping in my bed tonight." His delicate fingers are playing songs against her skin again. The heat building under her skin. Blossoming in the pit of her stomach. Flowing upwards. Outwards.
She grips Sirius' hand tightly.
James looks at her, and she looks to Sirius, and kisses him.
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