Chapter 140
Tegan felt the familiar thrill of seeing the audience for the first time rise up in her. She felt her pulse quicken and she closed her eyes as she continued singing, focussing all her energy in her music. Relief flooded over Sara her as she watched her sister sing with her eyes closed. She felt emotion building in her throat and closed her own eyes. Tegan had a bit of a shaky start but she quickly recovered and was now belting it out passionately.
The song finished and Tegan let out a massive sigh of relief. Sara looked over at her and smiled wide. Tegan smiled back and turned her head back towards the audience that was still on its feet cheering. Her eyes searched the front row and quickly found Lindsey, her friends and family.
Lindsey's fragile emotional state quickly caused the dam walls to break. She had her hands in front of her mouth and tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched the love of her life do what she loved so much. Seeing Tegan healthy and performing again was the best feeling in the world. This was Tegan at her most authentic, the Tegan she knew and fell in love with. Lindsey felt babies move in her belly and she gently rubbed it with one hand and blew Tegan some kisses with the other. Tegan smiled broadly, never taking her eyes off Lindsey.
The crowd was still going nuts and Tegan put her hand up in a small wave. Sara tried to quiet them down by making some hand gestures. "Thanks guys... thank you so much... Okay shhh" she laughed. Tegan grinned at her. The crowd quieted down a bit. "We're back!" said Sara, her voice breaking. The crowd went wild. Tegan didn't feel quite up to talking yet so she happily let Sara do the work. "Hi guys, we're so, so happy to be on this stage tonight" said Sara and the tears started flowing. She took a second to compose herself. She wanted to keep talking but she couldn't so she started playing "Downtown".
Tegan immediately jumped into "Take me anywhere". She felt more comfortable and at ease by the minute as she slowly found her feet. Sara sang "Not Tonight" next. The song finished and Sara gave Tegan a questioning look. Tegan nodded and finally spoke after a short silence. "Hi" she said and the crowd erupted in adoration. "It's incredible to be back. Um... Sara and I..." she said and looked down, she took a deep breath and balled her cheeks. "We had a... challenging year so far" said Tegan and rubbed her neck self-consciously. "Well that's an understatement" laughed Sara while tuning her guitar. "I don't want to get the show off on a sulky note so I just want to say that I feel so happy... so blessed to be here tonight. Thank you all for sharing this special evening with us" said Tegan with her hand on her heart. She was becoming emotional again. "An hour ago I wasn't sure that I could do it... in fact... I was sure I couldn't... I was on the verge of running away! But then... when I walked onto this stage... after a bit of coaxing... okay a lot of coaxing and begging... I heard your cheers... and I knew... I'm exactly where I belong" said Tegan and smiled. "This one goes out to you Violet... you know why" smiled Tegan and started playing "The Con". Violet smiled a knowing smile at Tegan and nodded approvingly.
After a few more songs (Arrow, I know and I bet it stung) Sara spoke again. "So... let's just talk about the massive elephant in the room" she said. "What elephant?" joked Tegan. "The really big one" joked Sara. "Okay... well, there's a few" said Tegan and shrugged. "When Tegan does something she goes all out... she doesn't do things half assed. So when she got sick she didn't just get the sniffles and a cough like most of us do... she got really, really... extremely sick" said Sara. "All out" smiled Tegan and shook her head. "So... as you guys know I had a stint... or four... in hospital" said Tegan casually. She sighed and was quiet for a second and looked out into the adoring audience. "Many of you were there... that night" said Tegan suddenly looking pale and nervous.
Tegan was quiet for a few seconds. Sara looked at her sister concerned and was about to walk over to her when Tegan snapped out of it and spoke again. "Um... that night when... um... well, when you all saw the shittiest show ever" laughed Tegan nervously. "I'm not going to go into the gory details but... yeah... um..." said Tegan struggling for words, this hardly ever happened. "What Tegan is trying to say... I'm guessing... is that she was really sick... her first stint in hospital was just over a hundred days, most of it was spent in either critical care or in intensive care. We very almost lost her. It... it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do... to witness my twin sister fight for her life like that... being attached to life support... so many machines... tubes and wires... so helpless. But Tegan... she had a much harder time than I did... it was the fight of her life. And she did it... she got through it... somehow..." said Sara on the verge of crying. "I'm sorry... Sorry... I promised myself I wasn't going to do this... but... we're probably going to be a giant mess tonight and I apologise in advance... there may be crying... there will probably be crying... actually there will definitely be crying" said Sara and wiped her eyes.
Tegan's chin started quivering again. "Hey Sar... it's okay... you can't get rid of me that easily. I'm like a weed, I keep clinging and coming back up" winked Tegan. "Uh huh" grunted Sara and rolled her eyes. "I figured that out when you pretty much died... twice... but didn't" said Sara. Tegan swallowed hard and closed her eyes. There was a sudden, shocked, uncomfortable silence over the audience "Sar I told you not to scare them... I'm fine now guys... really... lighten up" said Tegan. "Yeah you are... you're fucking amazing" said Sara and smiled at her sister. Tegan smiled and looked down to control her emotions. "So are you... you got shot twice and you still got out of ICU waaay faster than I did. I guess you're the strong one after all. Damn it was all so dramatic" joked Tegan. "That was nothing... Tegan went into cardiac arrest twice... um yeah... her heart stopped... and... it was the longest few minutes of my life... I lost my shit in such a spectacular fashion the one time that they had to sedate me... but... anyway... all's well that ends well... It took them a while but they jump started ol' Teegs... and here she is playing in front of 6000 people in one of the best venues in the world. And I'm so damn proud of her" said Sara and the crowd went nuts. Tegan was walking forwards and backwards on the stage nervously. "So, I'm officially older than Tegan now... well, I've been alive longer than she has" said Sara. "Yeah yeah grandma" said Tegan and shook her head smiling.
"Moving on! We've got a great show for you, a really long one too! I mean reaaally long... I hope you don't get fed up with us... we had trouble choosing songs for this show... And it's just such a special one for us... so we just threw them all in there... We know you want to go home at some stage tonight so we better get going! Are you ready for a great evening?" screamed Tegan trying to up the mood of the audience again. "No no, we need louder... we want you to shake LA up" said Tegan and the crowd roared. Tegan turned to Adam and he counted in the start of "My number". Sara followed with "Burn your life down".
"There's a lot of special people in the audience tonight. When I was... Ugh... I hate using the H word... um... when I was... off on standby as we call it... there were so many great people taking such amazing care of me. A lot of them are here. Don't get sick tonight they left the interns in charge" laughed Tegan. "Well obviously not all of them are here but a lot of them are... they tell me that they fought about who should be on duty tonight" said Sara. "Yeah they were probably like 'no, you go, I need to work. No really I'll do it, I'll work'" joked Tegan. "You see... we told you we were in a real band... Tegan told them about this wonderful world outside of the hospital and now they get to experience it" laughed Sara. "Sara's kidding of course but these guys... they work so incredibly hard... Such ridiculously long hours. They're so dedicated, so passionate about what they do... so talented. I want you guys to stand up and take a bow. All of you... every single person that assisted somehow in my recovery... and there's a lot of you. Oh, and let's not forget Sara's recovery... she was in there too for a while" said Tegan. A lot of people got up. Tegan watched Erin poke Kate to get up. "Ehm you too Dr Morgan... especially you" smiled Tegan. Tegan grinned and applauded and whistled. "All my heroes! Let's give them a massive round of applause" she said clapping. "I just had a weird and very concerning thought... Most of you have seen me naked" laughed Tegan. "Anyhoo... This song is for you guys. I can never thank you enough... you're all amazing" said Tegan and started playing "Fix you up".
Sara smiled when the song finished. "Thanks guys for fixing Tegan. Just "Sara" is a really bad name for a band" laughed Sara. "Well "Sara" is but "Just Sara" sounds kind of cool" Tegan joked. "Think I'll stick with Tegan and Sara" said Sara laughing and started playing "Like O, Like H".
"Sara... little Sasa... my oldest friend... my sister... my DNA... I want to dedicate this one to you... You've been such a rock for me... I feel everything but divided but it's kind of a reminder of how far we've come" said Tegan. Sara swallowed hard and looked down. Tegan started playing "Divided". She stopped halfway through the intro looking ready to start bawling. "Sorry guys... sorry... just... give me a sec" said Tegan. She walked to the back of the stage and took a sip of her honey, lemon and ginger tea straight from a flask. Sara eyed her nervously. Tegan felt her airways start to close up and she pulled out her inhaler still facing away from the quite vocal audience. The next second she felt Sara's hand on her back. "You okay? Tegan?" she asked sounding scared. "Yeah... I just got a bit emotional... and sometimes I need the old puffer when that happens. Go back to your spot" said Tegan inhaling the medicine. "I'm so proud of you" said Sara. "Don't make me cry Sar!" said Tegan and smiled putting her inhaler away. Sara gave her a pat on the back. "Almost break time... hang in there" said Sara and walked back to the mic.
Tegan took another deep breath and returned to her mic. "Sorry about that... here we go" she sighed and started playing "Divided" again. She tried, but she couldn't contain her emotions so she just went with it. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she sang the song but she kept going. Sara was on her mind. She thought about everything they had been through together in their lives... how much she loved her sister. How much she wanted to keep doing this with her. The crowd cheered as the song ended and Tegan opened her eyes and let out a deep, shuddering breath. Sara was already next to her and she uncharacteristically put her arm around her sister and squeezed her shoulder. Tegan nodded. "Thanks guys... Thank you" she said into the mic. "We have a mandatory 2 breaks in the set tonight... yeah it's that long! We promised the doc who gave us the all clear to do this show in the first place we'd take them so... thanks again... we'll see you soon... don't go anywhere" said Sara. Tegan wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and waved before leaving the stage. The audience gave them another, long, standing ovation.
Jeremy had strict instructions not to let anybody except Kate near the dressing room during the break. Things were overwhelming enough as it is. Sara had her hand on Tegan's back as they walked to the dressing room. "Good job Tee... you were amazing out there" said Sara. "No... you were... thanks Sara... for everything" said Tegan. Tegan walked into the dressing room and threw her arms up in the air victoriously. "We're back Sar! We're fucking back!" yelled Tegan. "Uh huh, we sure are" smiled Sara shaking her head.
"Whoo hooo... that was amazing!" said Tegan with a massive grin and she jumped on a couch as Kate entered the room. "You guys are incredible! Great show" laughed Kate as she watched Tegan jump up and down on the couch. Sara has not seen her this ecstatic in years. "You know they're going to charge us for that couch if you break it right?" said Sara. "Yeah, and I'm going to charge you if you break a leg... take it easy, get down" said Kate. "Oh party poopers" said Tegan jumping down. "Fuck that was awesome! I can't believe I ever doubted if I want to continue doing this" said Tegan. "Come on rock star. Sit down, lets see how you're doing" said Kate. "I'm wonderful... This is everything... this is so fucking great" yelled Tegan and kicked a leg in the air. "Is this the same Tegan from earlier?" joked Kate looking at Sara. Sara smiled and shrugged. "I don't know what I was thinking... damn... I'm so stoked" said Tegan plonking down on the recliner.
"Tegan... Tee calm down now" laughed Sara and helped Tegan take her jacket off. Tegan put her hands on her cheeks and took a deep breath as Sara reclined the chair. "Drink up" said Kate handing her a bottle of some sort of electrolyte replacement. Tegan took a large gulp and coughed. "What the hell is this... tastes like shit" she complained. "Shut up and drink it" said Sara. Kate attached the pulse ox to Tegan's finger and wrapped the BP cuff around her bicep. She looked at Kate and shot her a massive grin when she looked up. Tegan couldn't stop babbling. "Did you see us Kate... I forgot how amazing it feels... let's go, let's go... I want to get back out there" Tegan rambled.
"Okay shhh now, I can't hear a thing" laughed Kate. Tegan closed her eyes and leaned back "BPs looking good. Must be benefitting from your obvious adrenaline fueled high" said Kate. "Pulse is very rapid but you're just excited. Sats are a bit low as expected" Kate listened to Tegan's lungs. "You're out of breath but there's no wheezing... that's good. Did you use your inhaler on stage?" asked Kate. "Yeah... just before the last song" said Tegan. "I thought so. Okay let's get you some oxygen so you can get back to the stage" smiled Kate. "We're doing it Sar" said Tegan grinning at Sara again. She drummed fast on her thighs looking ecstatic.
Kate put the mask on Tegan but she was too excited to keep quiet. She kept babbling. "Where's my phone?" she asked. "Shhhh... no talking... try and normalise your breathing" said Kate handing Tegan her phone. Tegan started typing. "I love you! Having the best time ever! Seeing your face gave me all the courage I needed. I love you so much. Are the kids enjoying their first concert? xxx TRQ. P.S. Did I mention I love you?" she texted Lindsey. Sara and Kate were all lovey dovey on the couch. "Not fair... you get to have your girl in here and I have to text mine" said Tegan under the oxygen mask. "Keep quiet and breathe" said Kate and returned to kissing Sara. Tegan tried to relax and breathe in the oxygen. A minute later her phone beeped. "I'm so proud of you my love... so, so proud... I love you too! You're fantastic up there. xxx LB P.S. This is technically their second Tegan and Sara show... and they're loving it ;) P.P.S. You're so hot! I'm the luckiest girl alive" the text read. Tegan grinned and relaxed again.
A few minutes later Kate listened to Tegan's lungs and took her BP again. "Sats and pulse are more or less back to normal. BPs dropped a bit now that you've kind of calmed down. How are you feeling? Honestly" asked Kate. "I feel fine... more than fine... I feel great." Tegan smiled. "Okay... you're good to go" said Kate. "Take your time Tee" said Sara. "You just want to keep making out... let's go, let's gooo" said Tegan getting up fast. She suddenly felt a head rush as she got up. She closed her eyes and clung to the chair and she felt the dizziness subside. "Tee? You okay?" asked Kate looking concerned. "Sure... head rush that's all.. just excited" said Tegan opening her eyes. "Take it easy Tegan" said Sara. "I'm good... let's do this" said Tegan.
Tegan and Sara stood side stage waiting for the lights to go down. "Sara... I love doing this with you... God I love it so much" smiled Tegan. "I love it too Tee... Thank you... for coming back to me" said Sara. The lights went back down and the crowed erupted.
A/N: Sorry for taking so long with this update. Life got in the way ;) Also, I kind of struggled to write this chapter for some reason. Hope you enjoyed it. Review please!