Chapter 153

Doctors and nurses kept milling around Lindsey for the next hour while she was sleeping. "I need another blood gas please" ordered Kate calmly. "What's going on... is she okay?" asked Tegan. "We're making sure she is yes" said Kate. Lindsey opened her eyes slowly. "Hey sleepy head" said Tegan. "Hey you" whispered Lindsey and gave a weak smile. "How are you feeling?" asked Tegan before kissing Lindsey's fingers. "Honestly?" asked Lindsey. "Yeah honestly" said Tegan. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck" said Lindsey softly and gave a few weak coughs. "How are the babies?" asked Lindsey looking at the screen with her kids on. "They're doing fine sweetie" smiled Tegan. "Good" breathed Lindsey and closed her eyes looking pale.

"What's up Linds? Talk to me" said Kate. "Uhh... well... Firstly, my throat is on fire" said Lindsey. Tegan immediately offered her a drink of water through a straw. "Thanks sweetie" said Lindsey. "That's probably from the tube that got shoved down your throat" said Kate. "What? What tube?" asked Lindsey confused. "You were intubated during the night Linds... you had an allergic reaction to some of the medication we gave you to stop the bleeding and your throat closed up. I had a bit of trouble getting the tube in there" said Kate. "Holy crap! And bleeding?" asked Lindsey. "You had an atopic uterus, you lost a lot of blood in there. I'm not surprised you're not feeling great" said Kate. "Oh... I... I think I remember somebody shouting something about blood" said Lindsey softly looking spooked. "Your throat's going to be sore for a couple of days. I'll take some cultures to make sure that's all it is and I'll numb you up with some spray. Abby let's repeat that temperature reading" said Kate. "I know the feeling sweetie. It should start feeling better soon" said Tegan. "Okay great... my breasts are huge and sore" whispered Lindsey. "The lactation nurse will come sort that out for you soon. She's going to give you some ice and heat packs, maybe some massaging" said Kate. "Hey hey... I'm the only one that massages those beauties" giggled Tegan. Lindsey shook her head looking mock disgusted but then gave Tegan a soft smile. "You're going to have to learn to share Tegan... and soon you'll have to share with two little babies" laughed Lindsey weakly.

"What else Linds?" asked Kate. "My abdomen is really sore... and I just feel weak... and dizzy" said Lindsey softly. "Oh baby, you poor thing" said Tegan stroking Lindsey's hair. "We'll give you something to manage the pain. I want you up and about reasonably soon but I'm worried about your low BP. I'm going to order those blow up boots for you so we can make sure we prevent clots. Get that blood moving. The increased blood flow should help with your pain too" said Kate. Lindsey nodded weakly. "I'll give you the rest of the day off but tomorrow we're removing the cath and you're walking around. We're going to get you eating right away. We need to see a bowel movement soon" said Kate. "Ugh" grunted Lindsey. "I don't feel like eating I'm really nauseous" said Lindsey. "I think eating will make you feel better actually" said Kate with her hand on Lindsey's shoulder. "I'm going to help you pull the front part of your foot up now... there we go... any pain in your calves?" asked Kate pushing Lindsey's toes up. "No... my calves?" asked Lindsey. "That's good... Just checking for blood clots" said Kate gently palpating Lindsey's legs. Tegan looked scared and took a quick puff from her inhaler.

Jeremy woke up in a hotel room on Sunset Boulevard. His head was killing him. He looked at his watch and wasn't surprised to see that he had slept until noon. He looked around the room and saw a couple of empty alcohol bottles on the floor. Jeremy wasn't a big drinker under normal circumstances. He lay back down against the pillows after picking up his phone from the nightstand. His eye caught two bottles of pills. He shook his head. "Fucking idiot" he mumbled. He switched it on and looked at the screen showing his voice message alerts. He dialled his voicemail and put the phone to his ear. "Jeremy it's Tegan... where are you? Call me" | "Hey Jer, it's Sara, call me when you get the message" | "Jer... it's Tee... I'm worried about you call me" | "Jeremy, we just want to know you're okay" | "Jeremy this isn't fucking funny... Call me... or call Sara or somebody... please" - he hung up without listening to the rest of the messages. "Fuck" he breathed into his hands. He looked at a photo that Sara sent him of the babies. He stared at it for a while before throwing it against the wall. "What the fuck am I doing..." he shouted.

The phone on the floor started ringing. Jeremy got up and looked at the screen. A photo of him with Tegan hugging him from behind appeared on the screen with "Tegan" written above it. He stared at it. The phone stopped ringing. Jeremy let out a sigh of relief. A few seconds later it started ringing again. He picked it up and pressed the green icon. "Hu hello" he said with a husky voice. "Jeremy thank God you're okay" said Tegan loudly. Jeremy stayed quiet. "Jer?" said Tegan. "I'm sorry Tee... sorry for disappearing like that. Is everything okay with Lindsey and the babies?" asked Jeremy. "Yeah they're okay... Where the fuck are you?" asked Tegan. "I'm... geez I'm not really sure" mumbled Jeremy. "What do you mean you don't know?" said Tegan. "I don't know Tegan... I'm in some kind of hotel room... Listen I'm... I'm going to get cleaned up. I... I need to talk to you... perhaps later this afternoon if that's okay with you?" said Jeremy. "Uh... yeah sure... what's up Jer... everything okay?" asked Tegan. "Yes Tee... everything's fine... see you later" said Jeremy. "Jeremy... I love you" said Tegan. "Love you too Teegs" said Jeremy.

"I just want to see my babies" said Lindsey. "Okay... a bit later this afternoon. I want you to eat first and I have a couple of tests to run" said Kate. "Please hurry" said Lindsey. "Doc... her pulse ox is dropping. Down to 94. Temps slightly elevated at 99.2" said Abby. "Let's get her on 10 litres, non-rebreather mask" said Kate and took Lindsey's hand looking into her eyes. "We've got you... hang in there" she smiled. Addison entered the room. "Hi... sorry, had a baby to deliver" she smiled. "Hi" said Lindsey weakly. "Dr Morgan, a word?" said Addison. "Get me a full blood count and keep an eye on her pressure" said Kate before stepping outside with Dr Montgomery. "She's hypotensive, slightly tachycardic and cyanotic" said Kate with her hands in her sides looking despondent. "I'm upping her fluids, we should at least consider more plasma" said Kate. "Anything else?" asked Addison. "Complaining of abdominal pain, she's weak and dizzy" said Kate. "Okay let's check if there's further blood loss and proceed from there" said Addison.

Lindsey stared at the screen showing her babies. "I miss them" she smiled. "Me too" said Tegan. "Go be with them Boo" said Lindsey. "Nah ahhh.. you're my number one priority now. Anyway... I have tried my luck. Kate said I can only go back this afternoon" Tegan lied. Tegan could see that Lindsey really wasn't feeling well. Sweat beads formed on her forehead. "Are you in pain honey?" asked Tegan softly. Lindsey nodded. "It's okay... I'm sure it's normal" said Lindsey and gritted her teeth.

"Alright mom, I'm going to have to check what's going on downstairs" said Addison and pulled down the covers. "Lift your legs for me" she said. Lindsey seemed to be in a bit of pain as she lifted her legs with some help. Kate's eyes went wide as she saw a lot of blood on the sheets and on the pad between Lindsey's legs. "This is new, ten minutes ago there was nothing" said Kate. "Abby, open the saline wide and get her on two units of type specific blood, rapid infuser please. There's about 500cc's of blood loss" said Addison. "Pressure's down to 80 over 50" reported a nurse. "What's wrong?" mumbled Lindsey. Tegan looked as if she had seen a ghost. "Some post partum bleeding. Just relax for me, we're going to sort this out for you" said Addison. "O jeez... it's okay Linds... it's okay" said Tegan not sounding convinced herself, she took Lindsey's shivering hand in hers. "Linds I'm going to massage your uterus let's see how that goes" said Addison and started pressing hard on Lindsey's abdomen. Lindsey now had her arm in front of her eyes and started crying. "It's okay hon... shhh it's okay" cooed Tegan. "Tegan... Tee" cried Lindsey and squeezed Lindsey's hand. "I'm here... I'm right here" said Tegan into her ear. Addison and a nurse massaged Lindsey's abdomen causing a fair bit of pain. "Ahh no... stop... please... I can't" cried Lindsey. Addison stopped for a few seconds. "We have to do this Lindsey... We don't want you back in the OR. I'm really sorry but you're going to feel better after this okay" said Addison. "Squeeze my hand if it hurts babe" said Tegan. Lindsey lightly squeezed Tegan's hand.

Fifteen minutes later the medical team had things under control. Lindsey wasn't bleeding anymore and her BP slowly crept back up. "I'm going to organise you a sponge bath and some new bedding followed by a couple of ice packs" said Abby. "Stop scaring me like that" said Tegan softly looking pale. "Sorry" whispered Lindsey. She felt so fragile. "Had my babies... what a wonderful way of saying you love me" Tegan started singing with Lindsey's hand in hers. "You know I hate that song" said Lindsey. "But I also love it" she smiled.

Lindsey sighed looking pale. "Fuck... I feel horrible" she said and lifted a shaking hand to put the oxygen mask back on her face. Tegan helped her. "Oh honey... I'm so sorry... hang in there Boo" cooed Tegan. "Tee... go... go to the babies... you don't need to see a sponge bath" said Lindsey. "You saw hundreds of mine" smiled Tegan. "Yeah well that was different... I'm okay honey... I'm just... all sweaty and... bloody. I'll watch you from here sweetie... it's okay, I want you to go be with them" said Lindsey. Tegan sat in silence for a few seconds considering it. "I don't want to leave you" she whispered looking distressed. "I'm okay Tee... please baby... go" said Lindsey with tears in her eyes. "I'll stay with her Tegan, it's okay" said Kate looking up over the rims of her glasses.

Tegan looked over at the TV screen. There seemed to be quite a few people standing around the incubator. Tegan mostly saw people's hands. One person's arms moved away and Tegan saw a doctor flicking one of the babies' feet. "What's going on there... Kate?" asked Tegan looking worried. "Um... not sure Tee. Why don't you go check. It's okay... go" she said as Tegan stood at the door looking torn. "Go Tee" said Lindsey. Tegan sprinted down the hall to the NICU. She pulled on her gown in record speed and jogged in to her babies. There were a few less people around the incubator now. Tegan was out of breath from the bit of running.

"What happened" Tegan breathed. The paediatrician looked up. "Are they okay?" asked Tegan walking up to the incubator. "They're fine Tegan. Casey had a bit of a bradycardic episode but she's okay" he smiled. "She had a what?" asked Tegan walking over to the incubator. "You're probably going to hear that word a bit. Premies have them often. Her heart rate just became too slow, we usually just have to stimulate them a bit and it goes back up. She's okay Tegan. That's why we have all these monitors" said the paediatrician. "Thank God... hey honey... you scared mommy... Are you playing games with the doctors? Yes you are" smiled Tegan. She looked up at the camera and gave a thumbs up and an animated smile.

Lindsey lay back against the pillows as the nurse started giving her a sponge bath. She sniggered when she saw Tegan's goofy smile. "You two are such a great couple" said the nurse. "Thank you... she's amazing" said Lindsey softly.

Tegan looked at two small teddybears in the corner of the incubator. "Hey somebody brought you a gift. Did granny bring you this or was it aunt Sara?" Tegan cooed. "It was delivered earlier. Note said it was from Sara" said a nurse. Sara walked in a few minutes later. "Where's my favourite niece and nephew? Hi cuties... hi babies" she said smiling. "Hey aunt Sara" smiled Tegan. "How are they doing?" asked Sara. "They're doing okay. Casey gave me a bit of a scare a few minutes ago but she's okay now aren't you my little princess" said Tegan staring at her babies. "How's Linds?" asked Sara. "She's... um... she's okay... she feels like shit right now and she started bleeding again but they've got it under control. She's going to be fine" said Tegan becoming emotional. "Yeah... she's going to be just fine... they all are Tee" said Sara with her hand on Tegan's shoulder.

"Thanks for the presents" said Tegan. "What presents?" asked Sara. "The teddybears" said Tegan. "I didn't give the teddybears... didn't know they were allowed to have toys and stuff" said Sara frowning. "The nurse said... oh jeez... get it out of there... get it out!" said Tegan panicking. "Tegan what the hell?" said Sara as Tegan washed her hands rapidly. "Just... get it out" said Tegan putting her hands through the incubator holes and pulling out the teddybears. She breathed fast. "Tegan what's wrong?" asked Sara. Tegan patted the Teddybears as if searching for something. "What if... what if there's a camera in there... I don't know who sent this... what if there's something..." huffed Tegan still patting the bears. "Tegan calm down" said Sara. Tegan closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath but it went in shuddering. She pulled out her inhaler and took two puffs. "Did... did these come with a card?" Tegan asked the nurse. "Yeah it's right there" said the nurse pointing at the heart monitor. The card was lying on top of it. She ripped it from the envelope. "Dear Ryan and Casey, can't wait to meet you. Be brave! All my love, Sara B" she read. "It's from Sara Bareilles silly" said Sara. Tegan let out a sigh of relief. "Fuck... I'm paranoid" she breathed. "I'd be paranoid too if there were a thousand paps outside trying to get a story on my babies" said Sara.

Tegan calmed down after a few minutes of deep breathing. "Hey Sar... you want to touch them?" she asked. "Of course I want to touch them" smiled Sara. "You don't have a cold or anything do you?" asked Tegan. "No I'm as healthy as a horse" said Sara. The nurse made sure Tegan and Sara washed their hands properly and opened the holes of the incubator on both sides. "Can you take some photos?" asked Sara. "Of course" smiled the nurse. "Gently Sara" said Tegan. "Yes Tegan... I'm not an idiot... you'd swear I was a professional wrestler the way you're going on" said Sara. Tegan and Sara both put their hands through the holes. Tegan's hands immediately moved over Ryan's body and she softly touched his torso and legs. Sara's hands hovered over Casey. "It's okay... touch her... she likes it" smiled Tegan. Sara put her hand on Casey's chest. She couldn't contain her emotions any longer as she felt her tiny chest move in and out fast. Tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's amazing Tegan... God they're so amazing" whispered Sara. Tegan smiled and swallowed hard to keep her own tears concealed.

"Let me wipe those tears before I take a photo" said the nurse and wiped Sara's cheek with a tissue. "Okay here we go... smile" said the nurse. Tegan and Sara both grinned from ear to ear as the nurse took some photos. "Look at that... both their BPs and heart rates are liking this very much" smiled the nurse. "You like this? Mommy's here... mommy's here and aunt Sara's here" said Tegan softly.

Tegan and Sara stood next to the incubator touching the babies for a few minutes. "Sara... um" said Tegan. "Yes Tee" said Sara touching Casey's fingers. "Sara I want to ask you something... the last few months... well... I've realised that life is fragile... and that it doesn't matter how well you plan... sometimes stuff happens that are out of our control and..." said Tegan becoming emotional. She took her hands out of the incubator and closed the little doors. "Tee?" asked Sara, her voice breaking. She closed her side of the incubator and walked around to Tegan. "Sara... if... God forbid anything ever happened to me and Linds... I want you to take care of them... I know it's a huge thing to ask and..." Tegan couldn't even finish her sentence. "Of course I'll take care of them Tegan... nothing's going to happen though" said Sara. "I know... but... I need to know that they'll be okay without us... that somebody will love them and care for them like their own and... and there's nobody that I trust more than you Sara" said Tegan. "Yes Tegan... I already love them like my own. I promise... but let's not think about that" said Sara. "Thank you Sara... I just... I already knew you would but I wanted to hear it from you" said Tegan. Sara pulled Tegan into a long hug.

A couple of minutes later Kate pushed Lindsey into the NICU. "Hey look who it is... it's mommy... um... mommy Lindsey. We'll have to think of a way to distinguish the mommy names" laughed Tegan and kissed Lindsey's head. "I don't mind if we're both just mommy" said Lindsey. "How are you feeling hon?" asked Tegan. "Better thanks. Tired but I'm okay" smiled Lindsey. "She's okay... Refused to get some sleep though before seeing her babies" said Kate. "Hi angels... mommy's little precious angels" cooed Lindsey. She was still too weak to sit up properly and Kate put another pillow behind her back so she could see better. "How are they?" she asked the paediatrician that joined them a minute ago. "They're doing so well" he smiled.

"I wish I could touch them... I saw you two on the screen getting all cozy" said Lindsey looking at Tegan and Sara. "It was so damn cute" she smiled. "Let's make a plan for you" said the paediatrician. He lowered the entire side of incubator wall next to Lindsey. Lindsey slowly moved her hand to Casey's. She gently touched it before softly touching her body. Casey moved her arms and legs around as if waking up. "Hey baby girl... I'm sorry... did I wake you?" said Lindsey through her tears. Tegan held Lindsey's other hand tight. She moved her hand to Ryan's and he immediately closed his fingers around her forefinger. "Oh my God they're amazing" cried Lindsey. "If they have a good night we're going to try and get them off the ventilators in the morning. If we're successful you guys can hold them. We encourage as much as possible Koala care. We put them right on your bare chest for some skin on skin contact. It's really good for them. Regulates their temperature and usually stabilises all their vital signs" he smiled. "Gosh I can't wait for that" said Tegan. Lindsey touched Casey's dark hair. "You're so pretty" she whispered. The medical team allowed a few more minutes of touching. "We have to close the incubator now Lindsey. We don't want them getting cold" he said. "Of course" said Lindsey touching Ryan's feet. "Get well soon peanuts... mommy loves you so much" she whispered.

"We're going to give them a bit of a bath now. They've still got a lot of yucky birth stuff on them" said the nurse. "Can I help?" asked Tegan excitedly. "You can do this all by yourself tomorrow but today I think it's best if you just watch and learn" she smiled. "Ahhh" complained Tegan. "It's just a bit tricky at times with the ET tubes" said the nurse. Lindsey looked exhausted but happy. "We should get you back to the ICU soon Linds" said Kate looking concerned. "Please just let me watch this... I promise I'll go back without complaints after this" said Lindsey. "Okay... didn't think there was a chance of you missing this anyway" said Kate. "Tegan... I've arranged for the physical therapist to see you in 45 minutes. You're as tight as a drum and I want her to nebulise you... Long overdue" said Kate. "Yeah whatever" said Tegan not taking her eyes off her babies.

The nurse put a bowl of warm water in the incubator and proceeded to give Ryan a good wipe down. His arms and legs wriggled around vigourously. "Hey buddy... you're such a boy... don't like this bath business?" said Tegan looking down on her boy. His body contracted. "I think he's crying" said the nurse. "Crying?" said Tegan. "Well he can't cry with that nasty old tube down his throat but look at his facial muscles and his chest. He's not liking this bath one bit" laughed the nurse wiping his legs. "Sorry big boy... I know, you want a big old bubble bath and not just some wiping" said Tegan. Ryan slowly opened his eyes as the nurse moved the pulse ox to his arm so she could wash his leg. He looked right at Tegan. Tegan smiled. "He's... he's looking at me... his eyes are open... for the first time" said Tegan now crying again. "He probably recognises your voice" said the nurse taking off Ryan's diaper. He seemed to be calming down and blinked his tiny eyes slowly. "Hey dude... hey Ryan" cooed Tegan. "That's awesome" said Lindsey softly. The nurse washed Casey and she was way more relaxed. She also opened her eyes briefly but seemed to enjoy the wipe down quite a bit and seemed to fall asleep half way through.

Sara watched from a few feet away with Kate's arms around her waist and her chin on her shoulder. "I want to have a baby with you Sara" Kate whispered into her ear. Sara turned around and looked into Kate's eyes. She nodded. "I love you" she whispered. "I love you too" whispered Kate and kissed Sara on the forehead.

After the nurse washed and dried both babies Tegan's phone vibrated in her pocket. She read the message. "Can Alex and Erin see them real quick?" she asked. "Sure but make it fast, Lindsey's losing steam" said Kate. A nurse led Erin and Alex into the NICU. "Hi Moms... Oh my god is this them? Hi guys... Hi my gorgeous godkids" said Erin excitedly. "Congratulations again you two... they're beautiful" said Alex hugging Tegan and Lindsey. "Thank you... we're in looooove" smiled Tegan. "They're perfect guys... they're so beautiful" said Erin smiling through her tears. "Thanks Erin... say hi to your godparents Ryan and Casey" said Tegan. "Yeah two of them at least" joked Alex. "How are you feeling Linds?" asked Erin taking Lindsey's hand. "I'm okay. So happy" whispered Lindsey looking pale.

"I hate to be the one breaking up this party but we need to get Lindsey back to the ICU. If you behave and get some rest I may allow another visit this evening" said Kate looking at Lindsey's heart monitor between her legs. "Say goodbye moms" said Kate. "Oh... babies... we'll be back soon okay. You just grow and get strong now... can't wait to hold you" said Tegan. "Mom will be here in a few minutes" said Sara looking at a message from Sonia on her phone. "She's going to be sad she missed the bath" said Tegan. "She'll catch the next one, at least she saw the diaper change" said Sara. "Diaper change?" asked Erin. "Yup, I'm a diaper pro already" winked Tegan. "That must have been quite something to witness" laughed Erin. "Oh I recorded the whole thing" laughed Sara.

"Sara why don't you go home and get some rest" said Lindsey. "I'm okay... It's only 4pm. I'll stay for a while" said Sara. "Okay but go home tonight and sleep in your own bed!" said Tegan. "I'm not going anywhere without Kate" said Sara. Tegan looked at Sara and gave her a sad smile. She knew that Sara was afraid to be home alone, she wasn't really over her abduction and Tegan knew it. "I'll make her a nice cozy bed in my office" said Kate. "You can come home with us" said Erin, sensing the same as Tegan. "Thanks... We'll see" smiled Sara. "You should go home tonight too Kate. I'm sure there's more than enough people that can take care of me" said Lindsey. "Uh huh" grunted Kate. Tegan knew Kate wasn't going anywhere... not yet.

"Oh crap... somebody should phone Oprah's people and cancel... or postpone that interview tomorrow" said Tegan. "What do you take me for Tee. I've spoken to her myself and postponed it. She sends her congratulations" said Erin. "Hey guys... would it be okay if I posted a pic on Instagram of me and Tegan with the babies?" asked Sara. "You can post whatever you want Sara... I completely trust you" smiled Tegan. Tegan left the NICU with Lindsey. Sara selected a photo of her and Tegan with their hands on the babies and started typing a caption. "Twins x 2! Proudest aunt and sister ever!"

A/N: Thanks for the great review for the last few chapters. Keep 'em coming please!