Chapter 155
Tegan stood next to the incubator holding one hand of each baby. "Hi little ones... my precious little angels. You're so beautiful. Mommy can't wait to hold you tight" she said softly. Lindsey couldn't help but feel emotional. Her heart felt like it was overflowing. She smiled softly at the love of her life. She adored everything about Tegan. This scene made her hormones go crazy.
Sonia put her hand on Tegan's shoulder and squeezed it. "They're so gorgeous Tegan. I'm so proud of you and Lindsey" said Sonia. "Thank you mom... thanks for being here" smiled Tegan. "Wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world! I can't believe I'm a granny" said Sonia. "Hottest gran I've ever seen" joked Tegan. "Thanks honey. I feel old" laughed Sonia.
The NICU lights were dimmed but Tegan and Lindsey refused to leave. "Just a few more minutes please Kate" begged Lindsey. Kate shook her head but allowed it. She leaned against a wall and yawned. "Hope you're going to be getting some rest tonight" said Sonia. "I will, I promise" said Kate. "Are you going back to Tegan's place tonight?" asked Kate. "I think I'll sleep in the family room for one more night" said Sonia. "I'm sure you can sleep over at Erin's if you want Sonia... In case you don't want to go home alone?" said Kate. "I'm fine with being home alone Kate. I just... I want to be here for Tegan" said Sonia. "Sara and I will be here" said Kate. "No, I want you two to get some sleep" said Sonia.
Tegan didn't take her eyes off her babies for a second. She continued talking to them and touching their tiny bodies. She heard a monitor alarm and looked around confused. "What's going on, are they okay... Kate are they okay?" asked Tegan sounding panicked. One of the paediatricians came jogging up to the incubator. "Ryan is bradying down" said Kate looking at the monitor screen. "Is he okay? Talk to me dammit!" yelled Tegan. "Um... yeah Tegan, this isn't uncommon. We'll have him sorted out in a minute" he said. "Hey big guy... come on pick up speed buddy" mumbled the doctor rubbing Ryan's feet. He flicked the sole of his foot with his finger a few times. "Still slow... 67" said Kate. The doctor turned Ryan on his side and rubbed his back vigorously. "Nope" said Kate shaking her head and pursing her lips. "Ryan... come on son" said Tegan looking petrified. "Sats are dropping... 94" said Kate. "Oh God no... is he okay... Tegan... what's going on" said Lindsey sounding scared. "Sorry Linds we just need some space to work" said Kate and pushed Lindsey's bed out of the way. "No I need to see them" said Lindsey. "It's okay, we've got him" said the paediatrician.
A nurse started pushing Lindsey's bed out of the room. "NO! Leave me alone... I said leave me... I'm staying right here" said Lindsey trying to get out of bed. "Please let her stay... just take it easy Linds" said Tegan and pushed Lindsey back against the pillows. "Point 1 mg per kg epi please" said the paediatrician. "Heart rate dropping... 60... 55... whoaaa... 39" said Kate sounding panicked. "Let's move him onto the resus bed" said the doctor. They swiftly opened the incubator and lifted Ryan's tiny body with wires and tubes out of it and onto the resus bed in a second. "Okay he's not responding. Dr Morgan can you start chest compressions please?" asked the doctor calmly. "No... no, no, no, not again... NO! Come on Ryan... come on big boy" pleaded Tegan with her hands in her hair. Kate put her hands around Ryan's chest and started pressing down fast with her thumbs onto his tiny sternum. Tegan stared at Kate's thumbs moving in and out, in and out at what seemed a super fast rate. "I need a bloodgas please" said the paediatrician. "Rhythm check" said Kate and stopped compressions. "Looking better but still bradycardic at 80" said Kate. She started compressions again. "Come on Ryan... you can do it little man" she said softly while staring at Ryan's perfect little face, marred by the tubes going into his mouth and nose.
Tegan was losing it. Lindsey had her arm over her eyes trying to compose herself. Tegan was now wheezing badly. "Tegan where's your inhaler?" asked Sonia. Tegan pulled her inhaler from her pocked and shook it before taking two deep puffs. Lindsey turned her head the other way and looked at Casey, alone in the incubator. Her arms and legs were flailing around, she seemed to be upset as if sensing her brother's distress. "Tegan... Tee! Casey" said Lindsey loudly. Tegan walked over to Casey and put her hand on her body to comfort her. "There we go... mommy's here. Ryan will be back any minute okay... you miss him already? He's okay sweetie... he's going to be okay" said Tegan while lightly stoking Casey's chest. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she watched the medical team work on Ryan. "I want to hold you so bad baby but I'm not allowed" said Tegan looking at Casey in tears as she kept kicking.
"Pressure's up" said a nurse. "Rhythm check" said Kate. "And... we're back in sinus... 110" said Kate sounding relieved. "Is he okay?" asked Tegan. "Yup, he's okay" said the paediatrician. "Don't scare us like that little dude" he said softly. "What happened... you said they're okay... you said he's okay!" exclaimed Tegan still in tears. "Just give us a few minutes Tegan" said the doctor examining Ryan.
It was another half hour of commotion getting Ryan settled back in the incubator and on some new medicine. Tegan and Lindsey insisted on staying. "Okay guys, everything's good now, they're stable" said the paediatrician. "Let's get you to bed Linds" said Kate. "No I want to stay here tonight" said Lindsey. "Sorry Linds... not tonight" said Kate. "Tegan... stay with them" said Lindsey determined. "Will you be okay alone?" asked Tegan. "Yes... I want you to stay with them. Stay with them!" said Lindsey. "Tegan you need to get some rest too. They're okay, go to bed" said Kate. "No... I'm not going anywhere" said Tegan.
Kate and the paediatrician had a private discussion a few feet away. Kate turned back to Tegan and Lindsey. "You said they're okay... why... what happened" said Tegan becoming emotional again. "Guys... I know that was really scary. But I need you to understand that this kind of thing happens. This one was quite severe but it's probably not the last time this will happen. They're both okay, Ryan's stable again but we can't forget that they are in an intensive care unit. They really are quite fragile. But that's our job. We take care of tiny, sick... fragile babies every day. You have to understand that they are very fragile, they can become unstable very quickly. But we've got them okay" said the paediatrician.
Tegan looked pale suddenly and turned to a bin. She fell down on her knees and started vomiting into it. She coughed and sputtered in-between. "I'm sorry" she whispered through heaves. "It's okay Tee... there we go... you're okay" whispered Kate holding her hair back. Lindsey was in tears again watching Tegan break down. "Teegs... baby it's okay" she said loud enough for Tegan to hear. Tegan stayed on her knees with the bin in front of her. A second later she started vomiting again. Kate handed her some tissues to wipe her face and hands.
"Fuck... I'm sorry" said Tegan before rinsing her mouth. The bottle of water in her hand shook as she brought it to her mouth. "Are you okay?" said Kate down on her haunches next to Tegan. "Yeah" whispered Tegan before taking another puff from her inhaler. Kate helped her up. "Go get some rest Linds... I'll stay with them" said Tegan. Kate gave the nurse a worried look. "Tegan... I want to take a blood sample and take your temperature. Just want to know where this vomiting came from" said Kate. "I was upset okay... that's all... You'd be too if that was your baby" said Tegan. "I know... but let's make sure okay. We want to make sure it's nothing you can pass on to the babies" said Kate softly. "Okay" nodded Tegan. "I'll be back soon, I'm just going to get Lindsey settled. Don't touch them until we've done the blood tests" said Kate. Tegan nodded. "Goodnight baby... they're going to be okay" she smiled weakly. "I love you Tegan" said Lindsey. "Love you too boo" said Tegan holding back her tears. "Goodnight my angels, mommy loves you" said Lindsey getting one last look at her newborns.
Tegan's legs felt wobbly and she sat down in a chair next to the incubator. She felt Sonia's hand on her back. "Why mom... why our babies... why can't they just be healthy... what the fuck did we do to deserve all this shit. First me, then Linds and the babies... I don't understand this" cried Tegan. "Tee... nothing will be put on your path that you can't handle sweetie... A few months from now all this will be forgotten, I promise" said Sonia.
A few minutes later Kate came back. "I've given Lindsey some meds that will knock her out for the night" she said. "Good... she needs some rest" said Tegan. Her eyes went from the babies to the monitors constantly. Everything seemed fine but she still felt petrified. Kate sat down next to Tegan and took her arm. "I'm going to take a blood sample now. Just relax for me" she said softly. Tegan nodded. "How are you feeling?" asked Kate. "I'm fine" snapped Tegan. "Honest answer Tegan? Just trying to help here" said Kate. "I... I'm just tired... and I feel a bit wobbly after the puking session but hey... everyone feels wobbly after puking right" said Tegan.
Kate put a tornique around Tegan's bicep and patted the inside of her arm for a vein. "Nurse, can you take Tegan's BP for me. I'm having a bit of trouble finding a vein" she said. Kate patted some more. "Okay... there we go" she said and pushed the needle into Tegan's arm. Tegan looked away as she always did when Kate came close to her with a needle. She gave a shuddering sob. "It's okay... just relax" said Kate as the tubes filled with blood. "BP's a bit low, 95 over 70" reported the nurse. "Pulse ox please" said Kate. "Oh come on" said Tegan and rolled her eyes. Kate finished taking blood and put a digital thermometer into Tegan's ear. The machine beeped a few seconds later. "Well... your temperature's normal... that's a good sign" said Kate. "Nurse, can you ask the lab to put a rush on those bloods please" Kate said to the nurse. Kate listened to Tegan's heart and lungs for a minute. "Your pulse ox is slightly low but your lungs sound okay. I just want you to focus on your breathing for a while. Relax. Nice deep breaths" said Kate softly. "Kate" said Tegan softly. "Tell me they're going to be okay" said Tegan and started crying again. "They're in the best hands possible Tegan. They're going to be okay. Calm down now and take deep breaths" said Kate.
Kate stayed with Tegan until the blood test results came back a few minutes later. She looked at the piece of paper the nurse handed her for a minute. "No sign of infection. Looks as if that vomiting was just emotional. Your electrolytes are out of whack though and your blood sugar's a bit low" said Kate. "What next" said Tegan with her head in her hand. "It's not a big deal. You've had a crazy, emotional day. Your body is just struggling to cope with that a bit. You're fine Tegan. I'm going to put you on a drip overnight so we can correct that electrolyte imbalance and get your glucose levels up" said Kate. "I'm staying here" Tegan demanded. "Okay... you can stay here... with the IV" said Kate. Tegan looked at her babies again. "Are they still okay?" she asked. "Yes, they're fine Tegan" said Kate and proceeded to insert an IV line into Tegan's arm.
"Nurse, I need you to put up another bag as soon as this one is done please" said Kate. Tegan sighed. "There we go... let's get you settled on one of the recliners" said Kate. "No, I want to stay right here next to them" said Tegan. It was clear that she was exhausted. "Tegan, you're right here next to them. You need to get some rest please, I don't want to have to admit you again. Because if I do, you'll see a lot less of them. You need to stay strong for them" said Kate patiently. Tegan gave a shiver. She knew Kate was right. "Okay" she said and got up. "I'm going to stay with you Tegan" said Sonia. "Go home mom... it's okay" said Tegan. "Just like you want to stay with your babies, I want to stay with mine" smiled Sonia. Tegan just smiled and gave her mom a long hug. She sat down in the recliner. Kate put the feet up and covered Tegan with a blanket. A nurse brought over some pillows. Tegan stared at the monitors above the incubator. Her eyelids felt heavy and she shook her head and forced them open. "Relax Tegan. Get some sleep" said Kate softly. "No I don't want to sleep... I... I need to be awake in case..." said Tegan. "Tee... there's a whole medical team watching every heartbeat on the monitors" said Kate. "They're not... they're not here" Tegan protested. "They're at the nurses station a few feet away. They will know the second something happens... I promise Tee... they're watching them very closely" said Kate. Tegan just shook her head looking on the verge of tears again.
Kate turned around and spoke softly to a nurse. The nurse reappeared a few minutes later and handed Kate something. Tegan was still staring at the monitors. Unwilling to entertain the thought of sleeping. She didn't even notice Kate injecting something into her IV. She felt her eyelids go heavy and was out a few seconds later. "I've given her a mild sedative. She really needs some rest. Hopefully she'll sleep comfortably for the rest of the night" said Kate to Sonia. "Thank you Kate" said Sonia. "Do you want me to give you something to sleep too?" asked Kate. "No I'm fine" smiled Sonia. "I've asked the nurses to keep an eye on her" said Kate. "Go to bed Kate" said Sonia. "Yeah... I have to, I feel as if I may pass out any second" smiled Kate.
Kate opened the door to her office and found Sara reading on the couch. "Hi, thought you'd be asleep by now" she said softly. "Hey, where have you been? I waited for you. I thought you said you'd be really fast" said Sara sounding annoyed. Kate sighed. "Sar... not now" she mumbled and took off her white coat. "I mean how long can it take to wheel Lindsey to the NICU" said Sara. "Fuck Sara... there was... there was an incident with Ryan" said Kate. "What? What happened? Is he okay?" asked Sara jumping up. "He's okay now... but his heart rate dropped a lot... and... I had to... fuck... I had to perform chest compressions on him... God Sara he's so small and helpless. It was horrible" said Kate and started crying. "Shhhh... is he okay now?" asked Sara holding Kate's sobbing body in her arms. "Yeah he's fine... he's okay" she whispered.
"Why did that happen" asked Sara. "It just... sometimes it happens with premies. Usually it just lasts for a few seconds and they go right back up when you stimulate them but Ryan didn't" said Kate. "I don't understand... did his heart stop?" asked Sara, now also in tears. "No... but it was really slow. When a newborn's heart rate drops too low we try and get it back up with chest compressions" said Kate. She breathed heavily into Sara's ear. "It felt like a little doll... I thought I was going to break him" said Kate softly. "Okay sweetheart... he's okay" said Sara rocking Kate. "It happened right in front of Tegan and Lindsey... they're so freaked out... Tegan fucking lost it... she just about barfed up a lung afterward. I wanted to check if the vomiting is some kind of virus or infection that we need to keep away from the babies so I did some blood tests" said Kate. "And?" asked Sara. "She's fine... no infection, no fever. I think she was just really upset" said Kate. "I knew it... I had a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach... I should have known something was up with Tegan" said Sara. She walked to the door. "Where are you going?" asked Kate. "I'm going to Tegan" said Sara. "No Sar... she's sleeping. I gave her a sedative together with some IV fluids. She's okay. Sonia's with her" said Kate. Sara turned around. "I want to make sure" said Sara. "Okay... I'm going to take a shower. Please come back soon" said Kate. "I promise. I'll be five minutes" said Sara.
Sara found Sonia sitting next to a sleeping Tegan, holding her hand. "Mom... is she okay?" asked Sara becoming emotional. "She's okay Sara. She's just really scared and freaked out but she's sleeping now" said Sonia hugging Sara. "Good... how are the two angels?" asked Sara. "They're fine. The doctor was here a minute ago and he said they're both stable. Ryan's heart rate is right back up where it's supposed to be. He said we shouldn't worry about it, that it happens sometimes. They've got him on some new medicine to prevent it happening again" said Sonia. "I can't imagine what Tegan and Lindsey must be going through... I... I..." Sara stumbled over her words. "It's okay Sar... they're all okay. Go get some rest, Kate needs you" said Sonia softly into Sara's ear. "Okay... call me... call me if anything happens or if Tee wakes up" said Sara. "I will honey. Go now" said Sonia. "Not until I've put you to bed" smiled Sara and pushed her mom down into the recliner next to Tegan's. She took a blanket and put it over Sonia. "Goodnight mom... I love you" said Sara and kissed her mom's cheek. "Goodnight Sara, love you" smiled Sonia.
Sara found Kate making up the sofa bed in her office. "I'll do that. Relax" said Sara. "It's okay, if I relax now I'll fall asleep" smiled Kate. "Kate I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. You're amazing" said Sara. "It's okay Sar... we're all a bit on edge right now" smiled Kate. "I've put out some scrubs for you to sleep in" she said. "You're the best baby... I'll be back in a minute" said Sara and disappeared into the bathroom. She came back into the room and found Kate on the bed staring at the ceiling. She lay down next to her. "You okay?" she said softly. "Sure" said Kate, not sounding convincing. "Come here" she said and pulled Kate close to her. Kate turned onto her side. Sara spooned her and played with her hair and stoke her belly. "Go to sleep McDreamy" she whispered. Sara felt Kate's breathing slow down under her hands a few minutes later.
A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates the last few days. To make it up to you I'll post two chapters today. I've been toying with the idea of writing an two alternative endings to the story. How do you feel about that?