AN: TW: Blood - nothing super graphic but it is a Hanahaki fic so that's usually a tag.
Part I: Break Me Apart
"Kakashi-sensei, are you okay? You're looking a little pale." Concerned blue eyes were in his face.
"Ah, Naruto," he blinked, looking down at the blonde as they left the Tower. He was just thinking that he was feeling a little off as they returned to the Village, but he figured he just needed to sleep after everything that had happened. He wasn't even supposed to have come home in the first place. "It's been a long few days. How about we get some rest and meet up tomorrow for team lunch?" He asked, slipping his hands into his pockets. Naruto scrutinized him for a few moments before a smile split his face.
"Yeah okay, but if you're late I'll come track you down!" He threatened, still grinning up at him.
"Don't worry, I wouldn't dare try and pull something now," Kakashi waved him off with a smile. It felt like something had shifted in him as he watched the teen run to catch up with the rest of his former classmates. He had never expected Naruto to come and save him, to fight against everything to bring him back alive. What would you be saying right now Obito? He tried to picture him here, lecturing him alongside the young man. He shook his head and turned toward his apartment, that uncomfortable feeling in his chest was starting to become sharp. Maybe he was coming down with a cold or the flu? He probably hadn't taken care of himself while under Hiruko's jutsu. Either way, he was looking forward to crashing into his bed.
The feeling twisted harshly in his lungs and had him running for the sink the second he stepped into his apartment. His mask had barely cleared from his mouth before the coughing hit. Deep and painful hacks that he felt all the way down to his toes as his lungs tried to turn inside out and something rose up in his throat.
"Huh," Kakashi said softly to himself, breathing ragged as he turned on the faucet and rinsed down the blood and bile. He carefully took the damp petals into his hands and sunk down against the wall.
"Kakashi?" He didn't flinch as Pakkun appeared next to him.
"It's just one thing after another, isn't it Pakkun?" He sighed; voice rough as he stroked at the marquise shaped petals. They were a vivid red-orange-yellow, looking like flames as they caught the afternoon light. Saved from one death only to fall into another.
"What does it mean?" Pakkun asked, sniffing at his hand. Kakashi would have laughed if his throat wasn't still burning. He must have pissed off some god in some life for him to be sick with this of all things.
"I guess it means I'm pining," he chuckled darkly, heaving himself shakily to his feet.
"Pining for what?" The pug followed, the rest of the pack falling in as he inspected his bookshelf and pulled off two books.
"That," Kakashi pointed at the page of the obscure medical text and setting it on the floor as they crowded in.
"Hanahaki Disease. You always did have to make things more difficult for yourself. And what's that?" Pakkun points a paw at the flower in his hand.
"Bird of Paradise," he hummed, matching the petals to the picture. "'Symbolizes joyfulness and magnificence. It can also be used to indicate exciting and wonderful anticipation…'" he reads off. Oh shit. There was only one person that that could be, hell even the colors matched him perfectly. It looks like I'm even more of a pervert than I thought huh? He slipped the book back in its place before removing his headband and vest and collapsing on his bed.
"What the hell happened on that mission Boss? You told us-"
"I know Pakkun," Kakashi interrupted, rubbing his hands over his face. He had told them his goodbyes and given them his last wishes. He was so tired and now there was this. "Naruto happened." It was Pakkun's turn to hum thoughtfully.
"So, I suppose we should thank him for saving your ass." Kakashi let out a sharp bark of laughter.
"Or curse him for saving me only to end up being the result of my demise," he let his hands fall to his sides, spreading his fingers for one of the dogs to nuzzle against.
"So, it's him." The matter-of-factness of that statement had him rolling his head to look at the pug. "You don't think you could talk to him?"
"And do what? Confess?" The laughter turned bitter. "I'm sure that will go real well," he drawled, picturing the events of just yesterday with Naruto sprinting away from him. "I'm thirty Pakkun," he sighed, letting his eye slip closed again. "I'm not pining after a sixteen-year-old like some dirty old man. Which I am, compared to him." How is this my life? He had lost nearly everyone he had ever held dear in his life; he had been ready to die this time. He didn't deserve to be saved by him, he had been useless to Naruto, he had failed to keep their team together. Hell, he felt his failure to the teen went back further than that. He hadn't been able to save Minato-sensei or protect Kushina, and instead of watching over him and making sure that he wasn't alone, he had lost himself in ANBU and only reluctantly took him on as a student.
"Aside from Tenzou, your Sharingan is the only thing that could control the Nine Tails if something were to happen." That's what the Third had told him when he gave him the assignment four years ago. He had even been tempted to fail them just out of spite for the whole thing, but Naruto… Naruto was always so unpredictable. He reminded him so much of his parents that it had physically hurt that day they met in that classroom.
Naruto, the sad and lonely boy, had grown up embodying Kushina and Minato-sensei's will without even knowing it. He just smashed through any wall in his way until he was buried in your brain and you were better for it. Kakashi had wanted them to know Obito's words but he never expected to feel like a twelve-year-old again when he heard Naruto repeat them to him. He hadn't expected to feel lighter with Naruto. If he had been anyone else, he could have ended up like Gaara, or Sasuke, or even him; trying to forget his pain with deadly missions. Maybe I haven't changed that much after all... Naruto never gives up on me though. But admiring him and pining after him were two different things. He couldn't want him because he would never deserve him.
"The flower says otherwise," Pakkun drawled and Kakashi cursed his intelligence, earning him a sharp nip to his wrist.
"Maybe it was just a one-time thing," he said hopefully, feeling sleep call. He drifted off reluctantly thinking of the sun reflecting off yellow hair and clear blue eyes.
It was not a one-time thing, Kakashi learned five months later. He looked down in horror at the large green leaves on a vine that he could still feel in his esophagus. That wasn't even a fucking flower it was ivy! What did ivy mean again? He pocketed the leaves and took off again, he had to make sure that Naruto was okay.
Naruto, you really saved us all. When are you going to stop saving me? He thought of what Katsuyu had told them after he had come back to life. Naruto had been ready kill the man behind the attack, but he had stopped, and he had listened.
"Sometimes I wonder if we really are trapped in some kind of cycle of hatred," Minato mused, looking out over the broken battleground.
"What does that mean Sensei?" Kakashi frowned up at the man.
"I'm not sure yet Kakashi," Minato smiled, putting his hand on Kakashi's head. "Let's see if we can find out how to get out of it together."
Do you see him Minato-sensei? Do you see what he's accomplished? Kakashi froze mid-stride when he heard the faltering steps. Naruto was in front of him, leaning heavily against a tree and Kakashi had never felt so relieved to see anyone. He jumped forward when Naruto started to stagger, hand slipping away from the bark as he fell forward.
"You did good Naruto," he said softly, Naruto's weight heavy but comforting on his back.
"Kakashi," Naruto breathed, exhausted blue eyes peered at him from over his shoulder. Fidelity and attachment, the page about ivy coming to his mind and shit if that wasn't true.
"It's okay, just lean on me." Naruto grinned as he threw his arms around his shoulders. Even if I never deserve you, even if you've inadvertently killed me, I promise to try and be there when you stumble Naruto. I promise to catch you when you fall.
"Kakashi?" Yamato called out; he was no doubt concerned after hearing his superior nearly cough out a lung.
"I'm fine, just swallowed wrong," Kakashi cleared his throat, straightening against the doorway and carefully folding the delicate bell-shaped petals in his hand.
Bluebell. Humility and constancy. He turned back to where the teen now lay, unconscious on a futon.
"How is he?" He asked, changing the topic and crouching down to adjust the blanket with his non-bloody hand. He didn't like the pained wrinkle that had settled between blonde brows and he could still feel him gasping for breath in his arms as he fell unconscious in the snow. He had tried to watch him as they received bad news after bad news and he had been concerned when Naruto just stood there, taking it all in quietly. Too quietly. But the information from Gaara about the impending war to protect the remaining Jinchuriki and Sakura trying to take out Sasuke on her own had taken precedence. Naruto don't let this change you.
"He just needs to sleep," Yamato answered, and he could feel his always concerned eyes on him.
"Proceed back to the Village when he recovers," he ordered softly, raking his fingers through the sweaty blonde bangs to push them out of his eyes.
"Kakashi," Yamato started and Kakashi could hear the question in his tone.
"I have to go after Sakura, he won't be too happy being left behind," he shook his head fondly as he stood and reached for his cloak. "Don't let him pull a fast one on you Tenzou."
"I think I can handle it," the man shot back, his tone annoyed.
"Ah, but haven't you heard not to underestimate Uzumaki Naruto?" He continued to tease. Kakashi trusted the man with his life and he knew that he had his own growing soft spot for the young man. "I'm off, be careful."
"You too Kakashi," Yamato replied.
He took off in the direction Sai told him, catching their scents still on the wind. He was having a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that Sakura was planning on killing Sasuke. Kakashi was the jounin-sensei here, he had taught Sasuke the Chidori, he was his responsibility alone.
Naruto will hate you.
But he was a dead man anyway, he could deal with Naruto's hate if it meant protecting him from one less danger.
Of course, Naruto would protect him instead, Kakashi thought amused, as he choked on another flower rising in his throat. They had caught up with the other boys and Yamato and made camp for the night. He had offered to check the perimeter for Sai when he felt the roots constrict in his lungs, hoping to get far enough into the trees to avoid being overheard.
Gladiolus, he ran his thumb over the soft ruffled petals. He had red, yellow, and white in his hand but overall, he knew the flower meant strength, integrity, faithfulness, and honor.
You pierce my heart; he thought a bit morbidly as he washed them off with water from his canteen and carefully dried them.
"Did you see what was in my heart Sasuke? How I really feel?" Naruto said, voice loud and clear, with a look so serious it rivaled Minato when he was preparing for battle. "I'll bear the burden of your hatred and we'll die together!"
Something had changed in Naruto since the events at the inn. Whatever doubts he had been given with Gaara's words had melted away and only strengthened his resolve even more.
He tasted the next flower before it passed through his lips. The apple-like flavor mixed with too sweet honey, faintly reminding him of his mother. Chamomile, energy in adversity. He sighed tiredly, washing and drying the narrow white petals like he had with the gladiolus and then pulling out his book and pressing them in the pages with the others. Three flowers in one day, that can't be good. He was fighting a losing battle against his own feelings. Was there a flower for inner turmoil? He couldn't remember.
"Uh, Kakashi-sensei?" He almost laughs, speak of the devil. "Are you okay?" The teen asked carefully, taking a tentative step forward.
"I was just checking the perimeter," he answered, slipping his book back in the pouch at his hip. Naruto's face turned incredulous, nose crinkling as he caught the movement.
"Checking the perimeter, my ass. You were really reading your porn, weren't you?" He asked, a grin playing at his mouth.
"Ah, you caught me," he put his hands up in surrender and Naruto laughed. The sound loud and bright in the quiet woods. "Are you feeling better?" He still looked a little peaked from the poison even though the cut had healed.
"Eh, a little," he grumbled, hand rubbing at his stomach. Kakashi smiled and walked up to him. "It still feels like I have to barf though, that stuff was no joke."
"Well it was poison," he drawled drily. "But you did well today Naruto," he reached out to ruffle his hair.
"Really? I kinda thought you'd be mad. I didn't go back with Captain Yamato," he grinned a bit bashfully, pushing his hand away.
"You may have disobeyed me, but we certainly can't argue with results," he shrugged. "We got lucky that Madara didn't want to pick a fight though." Naruto's face fell, his hands flopping to his sides. Kakashi could practically see the thoughts swirling in his eyes.
"This is the hate-filled destiny of the Uchiha clan. It's a curse that has followed us for generations."
"Let's get back," he suggested, throwing an arm around Naruto's shoulders and leading him back toward camp. It felt nice to have that warmth against his side compared to the coldness earlier. Naruto was still here. "We wouldn't want Captain Yamato to think you've run off again."
"Heh, yeah," the blonde perked up a little. "He's really mad."
"It's probably because you dug a hole through the floor of that inn and we already were in enough trouble with the owner as it was," he chuckled.
"Yeah," Naruto laughed again. "But he's got that Mokuton, he could have fixed it no problem!"
"He's probably just feeling undervalued, we should make it up to him when we get home," Kakashi suggested, knowing that Yamato already had the daunting task of helping to rebuild the Village ahead of him.
"But everything is still smashed up," Naruto pouted, rubbing thoughtfully at his chin.
"Hmm, I'm sure we can think of something," he shrugged, "Get some rest." He gave Naruto's hair another ruffle before shoving him lightly toward his sleeping bag.
"Hey Sensei?" Naruto's voice is soft and his back still to him.
"Yes Naruto?"
"Thanks," his voice dipped down again and Kakashi barely caught it.
"For what?" Kakashi frowned, not sure what he had done. Naruto shrugged and turned partly to face him. The flames from the low fire changing his hair to a darker shade of gold and making his eyes seem ethereal as they flickered in the light.
"For everything," he smiled softly, running a golden hand through his hair. "For being here." Kakashi's throat closed up, the taste of chamomile still strong in the back of his mouth and the book in his pocket feeling heavier than before.
"Thank you for being you, Naruto," he replied with a nod, watching those eyes widen with surprise for a moment before a breathtaking smile split his face. "Get some sleep," he nodded again, turning to go to his own sleeping bag. Kakashi knew that he couldn't stop Naruto from fighting Sasuke, that that fight was written in the stars. But he could make sure that he was there for the outcome and be ready to bring Naruto back if he had too. As he laid in his sleeping bag, listening to the soft noises of his comrades, he filed through all the jutsu that he learned with Obito's Sharingan and stopped once he found what he was looking for. There was a reason that he had watched Lady Chiyo revive Gaara a year ago. This was it; he would be prepared.
He had been prepared to die for Konoha since he was five years old. Instead he had felt cursed to watch everyone he loved die for him. But dying for Naruto, whether it was from the flowers slowly taking root in his lungs or from bringing him back if he has too… Well, that doesn't seem so bad.